“To the Abbe Louis d'Ennemare, at Soissons.
“My Dear Abbe.
“My marriage with your cousin is broken off in the most stupid way, all on account of an idiotic1 trick which I almost involuntarily played my intended. In my perplexity I turn to you, my old school chum, for you may be able to help me out of the difficulty. If you can, I shall be grateful to you until I die.
“You know Gilberte, or, rather, you think you know her, but do we ever understand women? All their opinions, their ideas, their creeds2, are a surprise to us. They are all full of twists and turns, cf the unforeseen, of unintelligible3 arguments, of defective4 logic5 and of obstinate6 ideas, which seem final, but which they alter because a little bird came and perched on the window ledge7.
“I need not tell you that your cousin is very religious, as she was brought up by the White (or was it the Black?) Ladies at Nancy. You know that better than I do, but what you perhaps do not know is, that she is just as excitable about other matters as she is about religion. Her head flies away, just as a leaf is whirled away by the wind; and she is a true woman, or, rather, girl, for she is moved or made angry in a moment, starting off at a gallop8 in affection, just as she does in hatred9, and returning in the same manner; and she is pretty—as you know, and more charming than I can say—as you will never know.
“Well, we became engaged, and I adored her, as I adore her still, and she appeared to love me.
“One evening, I received a telegram summoning me to Cologne for a consultation10, which might be followed by a serious and difficult operation, and as I had to start the next morning, I went to wish Gilberte good-by, and tell her why I could not dine with them on Wednesday, but would do so on Friday, the day of my return. Ah! Beware of Fridays, for I assure you they are unlucky!
“When I told her that I had to go to Germany, I saw that her eyes filled with tears, but when I said I should be back very soon, she clapped her hands, and said:
“'I am very glad you are going, then! You must bring me back something; a mere11 trifle, just a souvenir, but a souvenir that you have chosen for me. You must guess what I should like best, do you hear? And then I shall see whether you have any imagination.'
“She thought for a few moments, and then added:
“'I forbid you to spend more than twenty francs on it. I want it for the intention, and for a remembrance of your penetration12, and not for its intrinsic value:
“And then, after another moment's silence, she said, in a low voice, and with downcast eyes:
“'If it costs you nothing in money, but is something very ingenious and pretty, I will—I will kiss you.'
“The next day I was in Cologne. It was a case of a terrible accident, which had plunged13 a whole family into despair, and a difficult amputation14 was necessary. They lodged15 me in the house; I might say, they almost locked me up, and I saw nobody but people in tears, who almost deafened16 me with their lamentations; I operated on a man who appeared to be in a moribund17 state, and who nearly died under my hands, and with whom I remained two nights; and then, when I saw that there was a chance of his recovery, I drove to the station. I had, however, made a mistake in the trains, and I had an hour to wait, and so I wandered about the streets, still thinking of my poor patient, when a man accosted18 me. I do not know German, and he was totally ignorant of French, but at last I made out that he was offering me some relics20. I thought of Gilberte, for I knew her fanatical devotion, and here was my present ready to hand, so I followed the man into a shop where religious objects were for sale, and I bought a small piece of a bone of one of the Eleven Thousand Virgins21.
“The pretended relic19 was inclosed in a charming old silver box, and that determined23 my choice, and, putting my purchase into my pocket, I went to the railway station, and so on to Paris.
“As soon as I got home, I wished to examine my purchase again, and on taking hold of it, I found that the box was open, and the relic missing! I searched in vain in my pocket, and turned it inside out; the small bit of bone, which was no bigger than half a pin, had disappeared.
“You know, my dear little Abbe, that my faith is not very fervent24, but, as my friend, you are magnanimous enough to put up with my lukewarmness, and to leave me alone, and to wait for the future, so you say. But I absolutely disbelieve in the relics of secondhand dealers25 in piety26, and you share my doubts in that respect. Therefore, the loss of that bit of sheep's carcass did not grieve me, and I easily procured27 a similar fragment, which I carefully fastened inside my jewel-box, and then I went to see my intended.
“As soon as she saw me, she ran up to me, smiling and eager, and, said to me:
“'What have you brought me?'
“I pretended to have forgotten, but she did not believe me, and I made her beg, and even beseech28 me. But when I saw that she was devoured29 by curiosity, I gave her the sacred silver box. She appeared overjoyed.
“'A relic! Oh! A relic!'
“And she kissed the box passionately30, so that I was ashamed of my deception31. She was not quite satisfied, however, and her uneasiness soon turned to terrible fear, and looking straight into my eyes, she said:
“'Are you sure-that it is genuine?'
“'Absolutely certain.'
“'How can you be so certain?'
“I was trapped; for to say that I had bought it of a man in the streets would be my destruction. What was I to say? A wild idea struck me, and I said, in a low, mysterious voice:
“'I stole it for you.'
“She looked at me with astonishment32 and delight in her large eyes.
“'Oh! You stole it? Where?'
“Her heart beat with pleasure, and she murmured:
“'Oh! Did you really do that-for me? Tell me-all about it!'
“That was the climax34; I could not retract35 what I had said. I made up a fanciful story; with precise details: I had given the custodian36 of the building a hundred francs to be allowed to go about the building by myself; the shrine was being repaired, but I happened to be there at the breakfast hour of the workmen and clergy37; by removing a small panel, I had been enabled to seize a small piece of bone (oh! so small), among a quantity of others (I said a quantity, as I thought of the amount that the remains38 of the skeletons of eleven thousand virgins must produce). Then I went to a goldsmith's and bought a casket worthy39 of the relic; and I was not sorry to let her know that the silver box cost me five hundred francs.
“But she did not think of that; she listened to me, trembling, in an ecstasy40, and whispering: 'How I love you!' she threw herself into my arms.
“Just note this: I had committed sacrilege for her sake. I had committed a theft; I had violated a church; I had violated a shrine; violated and stolen holy relics, and for that she adored me, thought me perfect, tender, divine. Such is woman, my dear Abbe, every woman.
“For two months I was the most admirable of lovers. In her room, she had made a kind of magnificent chapel41 in which to keep this bit of mutton chop, which, as she thought, had made me commit that divine love-crime, and she worked up her religious enthusiasm in front of it every morning and evening. I had asked her to keep the matter secret, for fear, as I said, that I might be arrested, condemned42, and given over to Germany, and she kept her promise.
“Well, at the beginning of the summer, she was seized with an irresistible43 desire to see the scene of my exploit, and she teased her father so persistently44 (without telling him her secret reason), that he took her to Cologne, but without telling me of their trip, according to his daughter's wish.
“I need not tell you that I had not seen the interior of the cathedral. I do not know where the tomb (if there be a tomb) of the Eleven Thousand Virgins is; and then, it appears, it is unapproachable, alas45!
“A week afterward46, I received ten lines, breaking off our engagement, and then an explanatory letter from her father, whom she had, somewhat late, taken into her confidence.
“At the sight of the shrine, she had suddenly seen through my trickery and my lie, and at the same time discovered my real innocence47 of any crime. Having asked the keeper of the relics whether any robbery had been committed, the man began to laugh, and pointed48 out to them how impossible such a crime was. But, from the moment that I had not plunged my profane49 hand into venerable relics, I was no longer worthy of my fair-haired, sensitive betrothed50.
“I was forbidden the house; I begged and prayed in vain; nothing could move the fair devotee, and I became ill from grief. Well, last week, her cousin, Madame d'Arville, who is your cousin also, sent me word that she should like to see me, and when I called, she told me on what conditions I might obtain my pardon, and here they are. I must bring her a relic, a real, authentic51 relic of some virgin22 and martyr52, certified53 to be such by our Holy Father, the Pope, and I am going mad from embarrassment54 and anxiety.
“I will go to Rome, if needful, but I cannot call on the Pope unexpectedly, to tell him my stupid misadventure; and, besides, I doubt whether they allow private individuals to have relics. Could not you give me an introduction to some cardinal55, or even to some French prelate who possesses some remains of a female saint? Or, perhaps, you may have the precious object she wants in your collection?
“Help me out of my difficulty, my dear Abbe, and I promise you that I will be converted ten years sooner than I otherwise should be!
“Madame d'Arville, who takes the matter seriously, said to me the other day:
“'Poor Gilberte will never marry.'
“My dear old schoolmate, will you allow your cousin to die the victim of a stupid piece of subterfuge56 on my part? Pray prevent her from being virgin eleven thousand and one.
“Pardon me, I am unworthy, but I embrace you, and love you with all my heart.
“Your old friend,
“HENRI FONTAL.”
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1
idiotic
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| adj.白痴的 | |
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2
creeds
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| （尤指宗教）信条，教条( creed的名词复数 ) | |
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unintelligible
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| adj.无法了解的，难解的，莫明其妙的 | |
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defective
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| adj.有毛病的，有问题的，有瑕疵的 | |
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logic
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| n.逻辑(学)；逻辑性 | |
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obstinate
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| adj.顽固的，倔强的，不易屈服的，较难治愈的 | |
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ledge
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| n.壁架，架状突出物；岩架，岩礁 | |
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gallop
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| v./n.(马或骑马等)飞奔；飞速发展 | |
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9
hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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10
consultation
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| n.咨询；商量；商议；会议 | |
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11
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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12
penetration
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| n.穿透，穿人，渗透 | |
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13
plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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14
amputation
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| n.截肢 | |
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15
lodged
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| v.存放( lodge的过去式和过去分词 )；暂住；埋入；（权利、权威等）归属 | |
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16
deafened
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| 使聋( deafen的过去式和过去分词 )； 使隔音 | |
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moribund
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| adj.即将结束的，垂死的 | |
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18
accosted
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| v.走过去跟…讲话( accost的过去式和过去分词 )；跟…搭讪；（乞丐等）上前向…乞讨；（妓女等）勾搭 | |
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relic
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| n.神圣的遗物，遗迹，纪念物 | |
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relics
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| [pl.］n.遗物，遗迹，遗产；遗体，尸骸 | |
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21
virgins
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| 处女，童男( virgin的名词复数 )； 童贞玛利亚（耶稣之母） | |
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virgin
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| n.处女，未婚女子；adj.未经使用的；未经开发的 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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fervent
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| adj.热的，热烈的，热情的 | |
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dealers
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| n.商人( dealer的名词复数 )；贩毒者；毒品贩子；发牌者 | |
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piety
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| n.虔诚，虔敬 | |
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27
procured
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| v.（努力）取得， （设法）获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 )；拉皮条 | |
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28
beseech
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| v.祈求，恳求 | |
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29
devoured
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| 吞没( devour的过去式和过去分词 )； 耗尽； 津津有味地看； 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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30
passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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31
deception
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| n.欺骗，欺诈；骗局，诡计 | |
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32
astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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33
shrine
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| n.圣地，神龛，庙；v.将...置于神龛内，把...奉为神圣 | |
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34
climax
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| n.顶点；高潮；v.(使)达到顶点 | |
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35
retract
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| vt.缩回，撤回收回，取消 | |
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36
custodian
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| n.保管人，监护人；公共建筑看守 | |
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37
clergy
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| n.[总称]牧师，神职人员 | |
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38
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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39
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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40
ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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41
chapel
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| n.小教堂，殡仪馆 | |
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42
condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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43
irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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44
persistently
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| ad.坚持地；固执地 | |
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45
alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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46
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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47
innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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48
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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49
profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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50
betrothed
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| n. 已订婚者 动词betroth的过去式和过去分词 | |
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51
authentic
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| a.真的，真正的；可靠的，可信的，有根据的 | |
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52
martyr
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| n.烈士，殉难者；vt.杀害，折磨，牺牲 | |
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53
certified
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| a.经证明合格的；具有证明文件的 | |
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54
embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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55
cardinal
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| n.(天主教的)红衣主教；adj.首要的，基本的 | |
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56
subterfuge
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| n.诡计；藉口 | |
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