To this Abbot Kasatsky submitted himself as to his chosen director. Here in the monastery, besides the feeling of ascendency over others that such a life gave him, he felt much as he had done in the world: he found satisfaction in attaining8 the greatest possible perfection outwardly as well as inwardly. As in the regiment9 he had been not merely an irreproachable10 officer but had even exceeded his duties and widened the borders of perfection, so also as a monk3 he tried to be perfect, and was always industrious11, abstemious12, submissive, and meek13, as well as pure both in deed and in thought, and obedient. This last quality in particular made life far easier for him. If many of the demands of life in the monastery, which was near the capital and much frequented, did not please him and were temptations to him, they were all nullified by obedience14: ‘It is not for me to reason; my business is to do the task set me, whether it be standing15 beside the relics16, singing in the choir17, or making up accounts in the monastery guest-house.’ All possibility of doubt about anything was silenced by obedience to the starets. Had it not been for this, he would have been oppressed by the length and monotony of the church services, the bustle18 of the many visitors, and the bad qualities of the other monks. As it was, he not only bore it all joyfully19 but found in it solace20 and support. ‘I don’t know why it is necessary to hear the same prayers several times a day, but I know that it is necessary; and knowing this I find joy in them.’ His director told him that as material food is necessary for the maintenance of the life of the body, so spiritual food—the church prayers—is necessary for the maintenance of the spiritual life. He believed this, and though the church services, for which he had to get up early in the morning, were a difficulty, they certainly calmed him and gave him joy. This was the result of his consciousness of humility21, and the certainty that whatever he had to do, being fixed22 by the starets, was right.
The interest of his life consisted not only in an ever greater and greater subjugation23 of his will, but in the attainment24 of all the Christian25 virtues26, which at first seemed to him easily attainable27. He had given his whole estate to his sister and did not regret it, he had no personal claims, humility towards his inferiors was not merely easy for him but afforded him pleasure. Even victory over the sins of the flesh, greed and lust28, was easily attained29. His director had specially30 warned him against the latter sin, but Kasatsky felt free from it and was glad.
One thing only tormented31 him—the remembrance of his fiancee; and not merely the remembrance but the vivid image of what might have been. Involuntarily he recalled a lady he knew who had been a favourite of the Emperor’s, but had afterwards married and become an admirable wife and mother. The husband had a high position, influence and honour, and a good and penitent32 wife.
In his better hours Kasatsky was not disturbed by such thoughts, and when he recalled them at such times he was merely glad to feel that the temptation was past. But there were moments when all that made up his present life suddenly grew dim before him, moments when, if he did not cease to believe in the aims he had set himself, he ceased to see them and could evoke33 no confidence in them but was seized by a remembrance of, and—terrible to say—a regret for, the change of life he had made.
The only thing that saved him in that state of mind was obedience and work, and the fact that the whole day was occupied by prayer. He went through the usual forms of prayer, he bowed in prayer, he even prayed more than usual, but it was lip-service only and his soul was not in it. This condition would continue for a day, or sometimes for two days, and would then pass of itself. But those days were dreadful. Kasatsky felt that he was neither in his own hands nor in God’s, but was subject to something else. All he could do then was to obey the starets, to restrain himself, to undertake nothing, and simply to wait. In general all this time he lived not by his own will but by that of the starets, and in this obedience he found a special tranquillity34.
So he lived in his first monastery for seven years. At the end of the third year he received the tonsure35 and was ordained36 to the priesthood by the name of Sergius. The profession was an important event in his inner life. He had previously37 experienced a great consolation38 and spiritual exaltation when receiving communion, and now when he himself officiated, the performance of the preparation filled him with ecstatic and deep emotion. But subsequently that feeling became more and more deadened, and once when he was officiating in a depressed39 state of mind he felt that the influence produced on him by the service would not endure. And it did in fact weaken till only the habit remained.
In general in the seventh year of his life in the monastery Sergius grew weary. He had learnt all there was to learn and had attained all there was to attain7, there was nothing more to do and his spiritual drowsiness40 increased. During this time he heard of his mother’s death and his sister Varvara’s marriage, but both events were matters of indifference41 to him. His whole attention and his whole interest were concentrated on his inner life.
In the fourth year of his priesthood, during which the Bishop42 had been particularly kind to him, the starets told him that he ought not to decline it if he were offered an appointment to higher duties. Then monastic ambition, the very thing he had found so repulsive43 in other monks, arose within him. He was assigned to a monastery near the metropolis44. He wished to refuse but the starets ordered him to accept the appointment. He did so, and took leave of the starets and moved to the other monastery.
The exchange into the metropolitan45 monastery was an important event in Sergius’s life. There he encountered many temptations, and his whole will-power was concentrated on meeting them.
In the first monastery, women had not been a temptation to him, but here that temptation arose with terrible strength and even took definite shape. There was a lady known for her frivolous46 behaviour who began to seek his favour. She talked to him and asked him to visit her. Sergius sternly declined, but was horrified47 by the definiteness of his desire. He was so alarmed that he wrote about it to the starets. And in addition, to keep himself in hand, he spoke48 to a young novice49 and, conquering his sense of shame, confessed his weakness to him, asking him to keep watch on him and not let him go anywhere except to service and to fulfil his duties.
Besides this, a great pitfall50 for Sergius lay in the fact of his extreme antipathy51 to his new Abbot, a cunning worldly man who was making a career for himself in the Church. Struggle with himself as he might, he could not master that feeling. He was submissive to the Abbot, but in the depths of his soul he never ceased to condemn52 him. And in the second year of his residence at the new monastery that ill-feeling broke out.
The Vigil service was being performed in the large church on the eve of the feast of the Intercession of the Blessed Virgin, and there were many visitors. The Abbot himself was conducting the service. Father Sergius was standing in his usual place and praying: that is, he was in that condition of struggle which always occupied him during the service, especially in the large church when he was not himself conducting the service. This conflict was occasioned by his irritation53 at the presence of fine folk, especially ladies. He tried not to see them or to notice all that went on: how a soldier conducted them, pushing the common people aside, how the ladies pointed54 out the monks to one another—especially himself and a monk noted55 for his good looks. He tried as it were to keep his mind in blinkers, to see nothing but the light of the candles on the altar-screen, the icons56, and those conducting the service. He tried to hear nothing but the prayers that were being chanted or read, to feel nothing but self-oblivion in consciousness of the fulfilment of duty—a feeling he always experienced when hearing or reciting in advance the prayers he had so often heard.
So he stood, crossing and prostrating57 himself when necessary, and struggled with himself, now giving way to cold condemnation58 and now to a consciously evoked59 obliteration60 of thought and feeling. Then the sacristan, Father Nicodemus—also a great stumbling-block to Sergius who involuntarily reproached him for flattering and fawning61 on the Abbot—approached him and, bowing low, requested his presence behind the holy gates. Father Sergius straightened his mantle62, put on his biretta, and went circumspectly63 through the crowd.
‘Lise, regarde a droite, c’est lui!’ he heard a woman’s voice say.
‘Ou, ou? Il n’est pas tellement beau.’
He knew that they were speaking of him. He heard them and, as always at moments of temptation, he repeated the words, ‘Lead us not into temptation,’ and bowing his head and lowering his eyes went past the ambo and in by the north door, avoiding the canons in their cassocks who were just then passing the altar-screen. On entering the sanctuary64 he bowed, crossing himself as usual and bending double before the icons. Then, raising his head but without turning, he glanced out of the corner of his eye at the Abbot, whom he saw standing beside another glittering figure.
The Abbot was standing by the wall in his vestments. Having freed his short plump hands from beneath his chasuble he had folded them over his fat body and protruding65 stomach, and fingering the cords of his vestments was smilingly saying something to a military man in the uniform of a general of the Imperial suite66, with its insignia and shoulder-knots which Father Sergius’s experienced eye at once recognized. This general had been the commander of the regiment in which Sergius had served. He now evidently occupied an important position, and Father Sergius at once noticed that the Abbot was aware of this and that his red face and bald head beamed with satisfaction and pleasure. This vexed67 and disgusted Father Sergius, the more so when he heard that the Abbot had only sent for him to satisfy the general’s curiosity to see a man who had formerly68 served with him, as he expressed it.
‘Very pleased to see you in your angelic guise,’ said the general, holding out his hand. ‘I hope you have not forgotten an old comrade.’
The whole thing—the Abbot’s red, smiling face amid its fringe of grey, the general’s words, his well-cared-for face with its self-satisfied smile and the smell of wine from his breath and of cigars from his whiskers—revolted Father Sergius. He bowed again to the Abbot and said:
‘Your reverence69 deigned70 to send for me?’—and stopped, the whole expression of his face and eyes asking why.
‘Yes, to meet the General,’ replied the Abbot.
‘Your reverence, I left the world to save myself from temptation,’ said Father Sergius, turning pale and with quivering lips. ‘Why do you expose me to it during prayers and in God’s house?’
Next day Father Sergius asked pardon of the Abbot and of the brethren for his pride, but at the same time, after a night spent in prayer, he decided72 that he must leave this monastery, and he wrote to the starets begging permission to return to him. He wrote that he felt his weakness and incapacity to struggle against temptation without his help and penitently73 confessed his sin of pride. By return of post came a letter from the starets, who wrote that Sergius’s pride was the cause of all that had happened. The old man pointed out that his fits of anger were due to the fact that in refusing all clerical honours he humiliated74 himself not for the sake of God but for the sake of his pride. ‘There now, am I not a splendid man not to want anything?’ That was why he could not tolerate the Abbot’s action. ‘I have renounced75 everything for the glory of God, and here I am exhibited like a wild beast!’ ‘Had you renounced vanity for God’s sake you would have borne it. Worldly pride is not yet dead in you. I have thought about you, Sergius my son, and prayed also, and this is what God has suggested to me. At the Tambov hermitage the anchorite Hilary, a man of saintly life, has died. He had lived there eighteen years. The Tambov Abbot is asking whether there is not a brother who would take his place. And here comes your letter. Go to Father Paissy of the Tambov Monastery. I will write to him about you, and you must ask for Hilary’s cell. Not that you can replace Hilary, but you need solitude77 to quell78 your pride. May God bless you!’
Sergius obeyed the starets, showed his letter to the Abbot, and having obtained his permission, gave up his cell, handed all his possessions over to the monastery, and set out for the Tambov hermitage.
There the Abbot, an excellent manager of merchant origin, received Sergius simply and quietly and placed him in Hilary’s cell, at first assigning to him a lay brother but afterwards leaving him alone, at Sergius’s own request. The cell was a dual79 cave, dug into the hillside, and in it Hilary had been buried. In the back part was Hilary’s grave, while in the front was a niche80 for sleeping, with a straw mattress81, a small table, and a shelf with icons and books. Outside the outer door, which fastened with a hook, was another shelf on which, once a day, a monk placed food from the monastery.
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1
monastery
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| n.修道院，僧院，寺院 | |
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virgin
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| n.处女，未婚女子；adj.未经使用的；未经开发的 | |
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monk
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| n.和尚，僧侣，修道士 | |
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monks
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| n.修道士，僧侣( monk的名词复数 ) | |
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implicitly
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| adv. 含蓄地, 暗中地, 毫不保留地 | |
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disciple
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| n.信徒，门徒，追随者 | |
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attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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attaining
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的现在分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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regiment
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| n.团，多数，管理；v.组织，编成团，统制 | |
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irreproachable
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| adj.不可指责的，无过失的 | |
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industrious
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| adj.勤劳的，刻苦的，奋发的 | |
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abstemious
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| adj.有节制的，节俭的 | |
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meek
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| adj.温顺的，逆来顺受的 | |
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obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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relics
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| [pl.］n.遗物，遗迹，遗产；遗体，尸骸 | |
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choir
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| n.唱诗班，唱诗班的席位，合唱团，舞蹈团；v.合唱 | |
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bustle
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| v.喧扰地忙乱，匆忙，奔忙；n.忙碌；喧闹 | |
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joyfully
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| adv. 喜悦地, 高兴地 | |
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solace
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| n.安慰；v.使快乐；vt.安慰(物)，缓和 | |
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humility
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| n.谦逊，谦恭 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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subjugation
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| n.镇压，平息，征服 | |
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attainment
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| n.达到，到达；［常pl.］成就，造诣 | |
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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attainable
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| a.可达到的，可获得的 | |
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lust
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| n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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attained
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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specially
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| adv.特定地；特殊地；明确地 | |
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tormented
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| 饱受折磨的 | |
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penitent
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| adj.后悔的；n.后悔者；忏悔者 | |
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evoke
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| vt.唤起，引起，使人想起 | |
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tranquillity
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| n. 平静, 安静 | |
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tonsure
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| n.削发；v.剃 | |
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ordained
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| v.任命（某人）为牧师( ordain的过去式和过去分词 )；授予（某人）圣职；（上帝、法律等）命令；判定 | |
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previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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drowsiness
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| n.睡意；嗜睡 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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bishop
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| n.主教，（国际象棋）象 | |
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repulsive
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| adj.排斥的，使人反感的 | |
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metropolis
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| n.首府；大城市 | |
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metropolitan
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| adj.大城市的，大都会的 | |
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frivolous
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| adj.轻薄的；轻率的 | |
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horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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novice
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| adj.新手的，生手的 | |
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pitfall
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| n.隐患，易犯的错误；陷阱，圈套 | |
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antipathy
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| n.憎恶；反感，引起反感的人或事物 | |
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52
condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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irritation
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| n.激怒，恼怒，生气 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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icons
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| n.偶像( icon的名词复数 )；（计算机屏幕上表示命令、程序的）符号，图像 | |
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prostrating
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| v.使俯伏，使拜倒( prostrate的现在分词 )；（指疾病、天气等）使某人无能为力 | |
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condemnation
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| n.谴责; 定罪 | |
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evoked
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| [医]诱发的 | |
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obliteration
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| n.涂去，删除；管腔闭合 | |
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fawning
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| adj.乞怜的，奉承的v.（尤指狗等）跳过来往人身上蹭以示亲热( fawn的现在分词 )；巴结；讨好 | |
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mantle
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| n.斗篷，覆罩之物，罩子；v.罩住，覆盖，脸红 | |
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circumspectly
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| adv.慎重地，留心地 | |
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sanctuary
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| n.圣所，圣堂，寺庙；禁猎区，保护区 | |
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protruding
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| v.（使某物）伸出，（使某物）突出( protrude的现在分词 )；凸 | |
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suite
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| n.一套(家具)；套房；随从人员 | |
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vexed
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| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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reverence
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| n.敬畏，尊敬，尊严；Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称；v.尊敬，敬畏，崇敬 | |
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deigned
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| v.屈尊，俯就( deign的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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flaring
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| a.火焰摇曳的，过份艳丽的 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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penitently
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humiliated
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| 感到羞愧的 | |
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renounced
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| v.声明放弃( renounce的过去式和过去分词 )；宣布放弃；宣布与…决裂；宣布摒弃 | |
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hermit
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| n.隐士，修道者；隐居 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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quell
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| v.压制，平息，减轻 | |
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dual
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| adj.双的；二重的，二元的 | |
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80
niche
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| n.壁龛；合适的职务(环境、位置等) | |
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81
mattress
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| n.床垫，床褥 | |
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