In the midst of that scene of confusion thrice confounded, in which we left the inhabitants of Headlong Hall, arrived the lovely Caprioletta Headlong, the Squire1’s sister (whom he had sent for, from the residence of her maiden2 aunt at Caernarvon, to do the honours of his house), beaming like light on chaos3, to arrange disorder4 and harmonise discord5. The tempestuous6 spirit of her brother became instantaneously as smooth as the surface of the lake of Llanberris; and the little fat butler “plessed Cot, and St Tafit, and the peautiful tamsel,” for being permitted to move about the house in his natural pace. In less than twenty-four hours after her arrival, everything was disposed in its proper station, and the Squire began to be all impatience7 for the appearance of his promised guests.
The first visitor with whom he had the felicity of shaking hands was Marmaduke Milestone8, Esquire, who arrived with a portfolio9 under his arm. Mr Milestone1 was a picturesque10 landscape gardener of the first celebrity11, who was not without hopes of persuading Squire Headlong to put his romantic pleasure-grounds under a process of improvement, promising12 himself a signal triumph for his incomparable art in the difficult and, therefore, glorious achievement of polishing and trimming the rocks of Llanberris.
Next arrived a post-chaise from the inn at Capel Cerig, containing the Reverend Doctor Gaster. It appeared, that, when the mail-coach deposited its valuable cargo13, early on the second morning, at the inn at Capel Cerig, there was only one post-chaise to be had; it was therefore determined14 that the reverend Doctor and the luggage should proceed in the chaise, and that the three philosophers should walk. When the reverend gentleman first seated himself in the chaise, the windows were down all round; but he allowed it to drive off under the idea that he could easily pull them up. This task, however, he had considerable difficulty in accomplishing, and when he had succeeded, it availed him little; for the frames and glasses had long since discontinued their ancient familiarity. He had, however, no alternative but to proceed, and to comfort himself, as he went, with some choice quotations15 from the book of Job. The road led along the edges of tremendous chasms16, with torrents17 dashing in the bottom; so that, if his teeth had not chattered18 with cold, they would have done so with fear. The Squire shook him heartily19 by the hand, and congratulated him on his safe arrival at Headlong Hall. The Doctor returned the squeeze, and assured him that the congratulation was by no means misapplied.
Next came the three philosophers, highly delighted with their walk, and full of rapturous exclamations20 on the sublime21 beauties of the scenery.
The Doctor shrugged22 up his shoulders, and confessed he preferred the scenery of Putney and Kew, where a man could go comfortably to sleep in his chaise, without being in momentary23 terror of being hurled24 headlong down a precipice25.
Mr Milestone observed, that there were great capabilities26 in the scenery, but it wanted shaving and polishing. If he could but have it under his care for a single twelvemonth, he assured them no one would be able to know it again.
Mr Jenkison thought the scenery was just what it ought to be, and required no alteration27.
Mr Foster thought it could be improved, but doubted if that effect would be produced by the system of Mr Milestone.
Mr Escot did not think that any human being could improve it, but had no doubt of its having changed very considerably28 for the worse, since the days when the now barren rocks were covered with the immense forest of Snowdon, which must have contained a very fine race of wild men, not less than ten feet high.
The next arrival was that of Mr Cranium, and his lovely daughter Miss Cephalis Cranium, who flew to the arms of her dear friend Caprioletta, with all that warmth of friendship which young ladies usually assume towards each other in the presence of young gentlemen.2
Miss Cephalis blushed like a carnation29 at the sight of Mr Escot, and Mr Escot glowed like a corn-poppy at the sight of Miss Cephalis. It was at least obvious to all observers, that he could imagine the possibility of one change for the better, even in this terrestrial theatre of universal deterioration30.
Mr Cranium’s eyes wandered from Mr Escot to his daughter, and from his daughter to Mr Escot; and his complexion31, in the course of the scrutiny32, underwent several variations, from the dark red of the peony to the deep blue of the convolvulus.
Mr Escot had formerly33 been the received lover of Miss Cephalis, till he incurred34 the indignation of her father by laughing at a very profound craniological dissertation35 which the old gentleman delivered; nor had Mr Escot yet discovered the means of mollifying his wrath36.
Mr Cranium carried in his own hands a bag, the contents of which were too precious to be intrusted to any one but himself; and earnestly entreated37 to be shown to the chamber38 appropriated for his reception, that he might deposit his treasure in safety. The little butler was accordingly summoned to conduct him to his cubiculum.
Next arrived a post-chaise, carrying four insides, whose extreme thinness enabled them to travel thus economically without experiencing the slightest inconvenience. These four personages were, two very profound critics, Mr Gall39 and Mr Treacle40, who followed the trade of reviewers, but occasionally indulged themselves in the composition of bad poetry; and two very multitudinous versifiers, Mr Nightshade and Mr Mac Laurel, who followed the trade of poetry, but occasionally indulged themselves in the composition of bad criticism. Mr Nightshade and Mr Mac Laurel were the two senior lieutenants41 of a very formidable corps42 of critics, of whom Timothy Treacle, Esquire, was captain, and Geoffrey Gall, Esquire, generalissimo.
The last arrivals were Mr Cornelius Chromatic43, the most profound and scientific of all amateurs of the fiddle44, with his two blooming daughters, Miss Tenorina and Miss Graziosa; Sir Patrick O’Prism, a dilettante45 painter of high renown46, and his maiden aunt, Miss Philomela Poppyseed, an indefatigable47 compounder of novels, written for the express purpose of supporting every species of superstition48 and prejudice; and Mr Panscope, the chemical, botanical, geological, astronomical49, mathematical, metaphysical, meteorological, anatomical, physiological50, galvanistical, musical, pictorial51, bibliographical52, critical philosopher, who had run through the whole circle of the sciences, and understood them all equally well.
Mr Milestone was impatient to take a walk round the grounds, that he might examine how far the system of clumping53 and levelling could be carried advantageously into effect. The ladies retired54 to enjoy each other’s society in the first happy moments of meeting: the Reverend Doctor Gaster sat by the library fire, in profound meditation55 over a volume of the “Almanach des Gourmands:” Mr Panscope sat in the opposite corner with a volume of Rees’ Cyclop?dia: Mr Cranium was busy upstairs: Mr Chromatic retreated to the music-room, where he fiddled56 through a book of solos before the ringing of the first dinner bell. The remainder of the party supported Mr Milestone’s proposition; and, accordingly, Squire Headlong and Mr Milestone leading the van, they commenced their perambulation.
1 squire | |
n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
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2 maiden | |
n.少女,处女;adj.未婚的,纯洁的,无经验的 | |
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3 chaos | |
n.混乱,无秩序 | |
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4 disorder | |
n.紊乱,混乱;骚动,骚乱;疾病,失调 | |
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5 discord | |
n.不和,意见不合,争论,(音乐)不和谐 | |
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6 tempestuous | |
adj.狂暴的 | |
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7 impatience | |
n.不耐烦,急躁 | |
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8 milestone | |
n.里程碑;划时代的事件 | |
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9 portfolio | |
n.公事包;文件夹;大臣及部长职位 | |
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10 picturesque | |
adj.美丽如画的,(语言)生动的,绘声绘色的 | |
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11 celebrity | |
n.名人,名流;著名,名声,名望 | |
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12 promising | |
adj.有希望的,有前途的 | |
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13 cargo | |
n.(一只船或一架飞机运载的)货物 | |
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14 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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15 quotations | |
n.引用( quotation的名词复数 );[商业]行情(报告);(货物或股票的)市价;时价 | |
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16 chasms | |
裂缝( chasm的名词复数 ); 裂口; 分歧; 差别 | |
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17 torrents | |
n.倾注;奔流( torrent的名词复数 );急流;爆发;连续不断 | |
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18 chattered | |
(人)喋喋不休( chatter的过去式 ); 唠叨; (牙齿)打战; (机器)震颤 | |
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19 heartily | |
adv.衷心地,诚恳地,十分,很 | |
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20 exclamations | |
n.呼喊( exclamation的名词复数 );感叹;感叹语;感叹词 | |
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21 sublime | |
adj.崇高的,伟大的;极度的,不顾后果的 | |
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22 shrugged | |
vt.耸肩(shrug的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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23 momentary | |
adj.片刻的,瞬息的;短暂的 | |
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24 hurled | |
v.猛投,用力掷( hurl的过去式和过去分词 );大声叫骂 | |
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25 precipice | |
n.悬崖,危急的处境 | |
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26 capabilities | |
n.能力( capability的名词复数 );可能;容量;[复数]潜在能力 | |
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27 alteration | |
n.变更,改变;蚀变 | |
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28 considerably | |
adv.极大地;相当大地;在很大程度上 | |
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29 carnation | |
n.康乃馨(一种花) | |
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30 deterioration | |
n.退化;恶化;变坏 | |
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31 complexion | |
n.肤色;情况,局面;气质,性格 | |
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32 scrutiny | |
n.详细检查,仔细观察 | |
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33 formerly | |
adv.从前,以前 | |
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34 incurred | |
[医]招致的,遭受的; incur的过去式 | |
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35 dissertation | |
n.(博士学位)论文,学术演讲,专题论文 | |
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36 wrath | |
n.愤怒,愤慨,暴怒 | |
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37 entreated | |
恳求,乞求( entreat的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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38 chamber | |
n.房间,寝室;会议厅;议院;会所 | |
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39 gall | |
v.使烦恼,使焦躁,难堪;n.磨难 | |
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40 treacle | |
n.糖蜜 | |
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41 lieutenants | |
n.陆军中尉( lieutenant的名词复数 );副职官员;空军;仅低于…官阶的官员 | |
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42 corps | |
n.(通信等兵种的)部队;(同类作的)一组 | |
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43 chromatic | |
adj.色彩的,颜色的 | |
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44 fiddle | |
n.小提琴;vi.拉提琴;不停拨弄,乱动 | |
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45 dilettante | |
n.半瓶醋,业余爱好者 | |
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46 renown | |
n.声誉,名望 | |
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47 indefatigable | |
adj.不知疲倦的,不屈不挠的 | |
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48 superstition | |
n.迷信,迷信行为 | |
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49 astronomical | |
adj.天文学的,(数字)极大的 | |
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50 physiological | |
adj.生理学的,生理学上的 | |
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51 pictorial | |
adj.绘画的;图片的;n.画报 | |
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52 bibliographical | |
书籍解题的,著书目录的 | |
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53 clumping | |
v.(树、灌木、植物等的)丛、簇( clump的现在分词 );(土、泥等)团;块;笨重的脚步声 | |
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54 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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55 meditation | |
n.熟虑,(尤指宗教的)默想,沉思,(pl.)冥想录 | |
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56 fiddled | |
v.伪造( fiddle的过去式和过去分词 );篡改;骗取;修理或稍作改动 | |
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