When Mr Escot entered the breakfast-room he found the majority of the party assembled, and the little butler very active at his station. Several of the ladies shrieked1 at the sight of the skull2; and Miss Tenorina, starting up in great haste and terror, caused the subversion3 of a cup of chocolate, which a servant was handing to the Reverend Doctor Gaster, into the nape of the neck of Sir Patrick O’Prism. Sir Patrick, rising impetuously, to clap an extinguisher, as he expressed himself, on the farthing rushlight of the rascal’s life, pushed over the chair of Marmaduke Milestone4, Esquire, who, catching6 for support at the first thing that came in his way, which happened unluckily to be the corner of the table-cloth, drew it instantaneously with him to the floor, involving plates, cups and saucers, in one promiscuous7 ruin. But, as the principal matériel of the breakfast apparatus8 was on the little butler’s side-table, the confusion occasioned by this accident was happily greater than the damage. Miss Tenorina was so agitated9 that she was obliged to retire: Miss Graziosa accompanied her through pure sisterly affection and sympathy, not without a lingering look at Sir Patrick, who likewise retired10 to change his coat, but was very expeditious11 in returning to resume his attack on the cold partridge. The broken cups were cleared away, the cloth relaid, and the array of the table restored with wonderful celerity.
Mr Escot was a little surprised at the scene of confusion which signalised his entrance; but, perfectly12 unconscious that it originated with the skull of Cadwallader, he advanced to seat himself at the table by the side of the beautiful Cephalis, first placing the skull in a corner, out of the reach of Mr Cranium, who sate13 eyeing it with lively curiosity, and after several efforts to restrain his impatience14, exclaimed, “You seem to have found a rarity.”
“A rarity indeed,” said Mr Escot, cracking an egg as he spoke15; “no less than the genuine and indubitable skull of Cadwallader.”
“The skull of Cadwallader!” vociferated Mr Cranium; “O treasure of treasures!”
Mr Escot then detailed16 by what means he had become possessed17 of it, which gave birth to various remarks from the other individuals of the party: after which, rising from table, and taking the skull again in his hand,
“This skull,” said he, “is the skull of a hero, παλαι κατατε?νειωτο?1, and sufficiently18 demonstrates a point, concerning which I never myself entertained a doubt, that the human race is undergoing a gradual process of diminution19, in length, breadth, and thickness. Observe this skull. Even the skull of our reverend friend, which is the largest and thickest in the company, is not more than half its size. The frame this skull belonged to could scarcely have been less than nine feet high. Such is the lamentable20 progress of degeneracy and decay. In the course of ages, a boot of the present generation would form an ample chateau22 for a large family of our remote posterity23. The mind, too, participates in the contraction24 of the body. Poets and philosophers of all ages and nations have lamented25 this too visible process of physical and moral deterioration26. ‘The sons of little men’, says Ossian. ‘Οιοι νυν βροτοι εισιν,’ says Homer: ‘such men as live in these degenerate27 days.’ ‘All things,’ says Virgil, ‘have a retrocessive tendency, and grow worse and worse by the inevitable28 doom29 of fate.’2 ‘We live in the ninth age,’ says Juvenal, ‘an age worse than the age of iron; nature has no metal sufficiently pernicious to give a denomination30 to its wickedness.’3 ‘Our fathers,’ says Horace, ‘worse than our grandfathers, have given birth to us, their more vicious progeny31, who, in our turn, shall become the parents of a still viler32 generation.’4 You all know the fable33 of the buried Pict, who bit off the end of a pickaxe, with which sacrilegious hands were breaking open his grave, and called out with a voice like subterranean34 thunder, I perceive the degeneracy of your race by the smallness of your little finger! videlicet, the pickaxe. This, to be sure, is a fiction; but it shows the prevalent opinion, the feeling, the conviction, of absolute, universal, irremediable deterioration.”
“I should be sorry,” said Mr Foster, “that such an opinion should become universal, independently of my conviction of its fallacy. Its general admission would tend, in a great measure, to produce the very evils it appears to lament21. What could be its effect, but to check the ardour of investigation35, to extinguish the zeal36 of philanthropy, to freeze the current of enterprising hope, to bury in the torpor37 of scepticism and in the stagnation38 of despair, every better faculty39 of the human mind, which will necessarily become retrograde in ceasing to be progressive?”
“I am inclined to think, on the contrary,” said Mr Escot, “that the deterioration of man is accelerated by his blindness — in many respects wilful40 blindness — to the truth of the fact itself, and to the causes which produce it; that there is no hope whatever of ameliorating his condition but in a total and radical41 change of the whole scheme of human life, and that the advocates of his indefinite perfectibility are in reality the greatest enemies to the practical possibility of their own system, by so strenuously42 labouring to impress on his attention that he is going on in a good way, while he is really in a deplorably bad one.”
“I admit,” said Mr Foster, “there are many things that may, and therefore will, be changed for the better.”
“Not on the present system,” said Mr Escot, “in which every change is for the worse.”
“In matters of taste I am sure it is,” said Mr Gall43: “there is, in fact, no such thing as good taste left in the world.”
“Oh, Mr Gall!” said Miss Philomela Poppyseed, “I thought my novel ——”
“My paintings,” said Sir Patrick O’Prism ——
“My ode,” said Mr Mac Laurel ——
“My ballad,” said Mr Nightshade ——
“My plan for Lord Littlebrain’s park,” said Marmaduke Milestone, Esquire ——
“My essay,” said Mr Treacle44 ——
“My sonata,” said Mr Chromatic45 ——
“My claret,” said Squire5 Headlong ——
“My lectures,” said Mr Cranium ——
“Vanity of vanities,” said the Reverend Doctor Gaster, turning down an empty egg-shell; “all is vanity and vexation of spirit.”
1 shrieked | |
v.尖叫( shriek的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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2 skull | |
n.头骨;颅骨 | |
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3 subversion | |
n.颠覆,破坏 | |
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4 milestone | |
n.里程碑;划时代的事件 | |
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5 squire | |
n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
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6 catching | |
adj.易传染的,有魅力的,迷人的,接住 | |
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7 promiscuous | |
adj.杂乱的,随便的 | |
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8 apparatus | |
n.装置,器械;器具,设备 | |
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9 agitated | |
adj.被鼓动的,不安的 | |
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10 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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11 expeditious | |
adj.迅速的,敏捷的 | |
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12 perfectly | |
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
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13 sate | |
v.使充分满足 | |
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14 impatience | |
n.不耐烦,急躁 | |
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15 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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16 detailed | |
adj.详细的,详尽的,极注意细节的,完全的 | |
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17 possessed | |
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
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18 sufficiently | |
adv.足够地,充分地 | |
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19 diminution | |
n.减少;变小 | |
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20 lamentable | |
adj.令人惋惜的,悔恨的 | |
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21 lament | |
n.悲叹,悔恨,恸哭;v.哀悼,悔恨,悲叹 | |
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22 chateau | |
n.城堡,别墅 | |
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23 posterity | |
n.后裔,子孙,后代 | |
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24 contraction | |
n.缩略词,缩写式,害病 | |
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25 lamented | |
adj.被哀悼的,令人遗憾的v.(为…)哀悼,痛哭,悲伤( lament的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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26 deterioration | |
n.退化;恶化;变坏 | |
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27 degenerate | |
v.退步,堕落;adj.退步的,堕落的;n.堕落者 | |
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28 inevitable | |
adj.不可避免的,必然发生的 | |
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29 doom | |
n.厄运,劫数;v.注定,命定 | |
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30 denomination | |
n.命名,取名,(度量衡、货币等的)单位 | |
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31 progeny | |
n.后代,子孙;结果 | |
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32 viler | |
adj.卑鄙的( vile的比较级 );可耻的;极坏的;非常讨厌的 | |
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33 fable | |
n.寓言;童话;神话 | |
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34 subterranean | |
adj.地下的,地表下的 | |
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35 investigation | |
n.调查,调查研究 | |
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36 zeal | |
n.热心,热情,热忱 | |
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37 torpor | |
n.迟钝;麻木;(动物的)冬眠 | |
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38 stagnation | |
n. 停滞 | |
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39 faculty | |
n.才能;学院,系;(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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40 wilful | |
adj.任性的,故意的 | |
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41 radical | |
n.激进份子,原子团,根号;adj.根本的,激进的,彻底的 | |
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42 strenuously | |
adv.奋发地,费力地 | |
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43 gall | |
v.使烦恼,使焦躁,难堪;n.磨难 | |
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44 treacle | |
n.糖蜜 | |
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45 chromatic | |
adj.色彩的,颜色的 | |
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