“Physiologists have been much puzzled to account for the varieties of moral character in men, as well as for the remarkable1 similarity of habit and disposition2 in all the individual animals of every other respective species. A few brief sentences, perspicuously worded, and scientifically arranged, will enumerate3 all the characteristics of a lion, or a tiger, or a wolf, or a bear, or a squirrel, or a goat, or a horse, or an ass4, or a rat, or a cat, or a hog5, or a dog; and whatever is physiologically6 predicted of any individual lion, tiger, wolf, bear, squirrel, goat, horse, ass, hog, or dog, will be found to hold true of all lions, tigers, wolves, bears, squirrels, goats, horses, asses7, hogs8, and dogs, whatsoever9. Now, in man, the very reverse of this appears to be the case; for he has so few distinct and characteristic marks which hold true of all his species, that philosophers in all ages have found it a task of infinite difficulty to give him a definition. Hence one has defined him to be a featherless biped, a definition which is equally applicable to an unfledged fowl10: another to be an animal which forms opinions, than which nothing can be more inaccurate12, for a very small number of the species form opinions, and the remainder take them upon trust, without investigation13 or inquiry14.
“Again, man has been defined to be an animal that carries a stick: an attribute which undoubtedly15 belongs to man only, but not to all men always; though it uniformly characterises some of the graver and more imposing16 varieties, such as physicians, oran-outangs, and lords in waiting.
“We cannot define man to be a reasoning animal, for we do not dispute that idiots are men; to say nothing of that very numerous description of persons who consider themselves reasoning animals, and are so denominated by the ironical17 courtesy of the world, who labour, nevertheless, under a very gross delusion18 in that essential particular.
“It appears to me that man may be correctly defined an animal, which, without any peculiar19 or distinguishing faculty20 of its own, is, as it were, a bundle or compound of faculties21 of other animals, by a distinct enumeration22 of which any individual of the species may be satisfactorily described. This is manifest, even in the ordinary language of conversation, when, in summing up, for example, the qualities of an accomplished23 courtier, we say he has the vanity of a peacock, the cunning of a fox, the treachery of an hy?na, the cold-heartedness of a cat, and the servility of a jackal. That this is perfectly24 consentaneous to scientific truth, will appear in the further progress of these observations.
“Every particular faculty of the mind has its corresponding organ in the brain. In proportion as any particular faculty or propensity25 acquires paramount26 activity in any individual, these organs develope themselves, and their development becomes externally obvious by corresponding lumps and bumps, exuberances and protuberances, on the osseous compages of the occiput and sinciput. In all animals but man, the same organ is equally developed in every individual of the species: for instance, that of migration27 in the swallow, that of destruction in the tiger, that of architecture in the beaver28, and that of parental29 affection in the bear. The human brain, however, consists, as I have said, of a bundle or compound of all the faculties of all other animals; and from the greater development of one or more of these, in the infinite varieties of combination, result all the peculiarities30 of individual character.
“Here is the skull31 of a beaver, and that of Sir Christopher Wren32. You observe, in both these specimens33, the prodigious34 development of the organ of constructiveness35.
“Here is the skull of a bullfinch, and that of an eminent36 fiddler. You may compare the organ of music.
“Here is the skull of a tiger. You observe the organ of carnage. Here is the skull of a fox. You observe the organ of plunder37. Here is the skull of a peacock. You observe the organ of vanity. Here is the skull of an illustrious robber, who, after a long and triumphant38 process of depredation39 and murder, was suddenly checked in his career by means of a certain quality inherent in preparations of hemp40, which, for the sake of perspicuity41, I shall call suspensiveness. Here is the skull of a conqueror42, who, after over-running several kingdoms, burning a number of cities, and causing the deaths of two or three millions of men, women, and children, was entombed with all the pageantry of public lamentation43, and figured as the hero of several thousand odes and a round dozen of epics44; while the poor highwayman was twice executed —
‘At the gallows45 first, and after in a ballad46,
Sung to a villainous tune47.’
“You observe, in both these skulls48, the combined development of the organs of carnage, plunder, and vanity, which I have separately pointed49 out in the tiger, the fox, and the peacock. The greater enlargement of the organ of vanity in the hero is the only criterion by which I can distinguish them from each other. Born with the same faculties, and the same propensities50, these two men were formed by nature to run the same career: the different combinations of external circumstances decided51 the differences of their destinies.
“Here is the skull of a Newfoundland dog. You observe the organ of benevolence52, and that of attachment53. Here is a human skull, in which you may observe a very striking negation54 of both these organs; and an equally striking development of those of destruction, cunning, avarice55, and self-love. This was one of the most illustrious statesmen that ever flourished in the page of history.
“Here is the skull of a turnspit, which, after a wretched life of dirty work, was turned out of doors to die on a dunghill. I have been induced to preserve it, in consequence of its remarkable similarity to this, which belonged to a courtly poet, who having grown grey in flattering the great, was cast off in the same manner to perish by the same catastrophe56.”
After these, and several other illustrations, during which the skulls were handed round for the inspection57 of the company, Mr Cranium proceeded thus:—
“It is obvious, from what I have said, that no man can hope for worldly honour or advancement58, who is not placed in such a relation to external circumstances as may be consentaneous to his peculiar cerebral59 organs; and I would advise every parent, who has the welfare of his son at heart, to procure60 as extensive a collection as possible of the skulls of animals, and, before determining on the choice of a profession, to compare with the utmost nicety their bumps and protuberances with those of the skull of his son. If the development of the organ of destruction point out a similarity between the youth and the tiger, let him be brought to some profession (whether that of a butcher, a soldier, or a physician, may be regulated by circumstances) in which he may be furnished with a licence to kill: as, without such licence, the indulgence of his natural propensity may lead to the untimely rescission of his vital thread, ‘with edge of penny cord and vile61 reproach.’ If he show an analogy with the jackal, let all possible influence be used to procure him a place at court, where he will infallibly thrive. If his skull bear a marked resemblance to that of a magpie62, it cannot be doubted that he will prove an admirable lawyer; and if with this advantageous63 conformation be combined any similitude to that of an owl11, very confident hopes may be formed of his becoming a judge.”
A furious flourish of music was now heard from the ball-room, the squire64 having secretly dispatched the little butler to order it to strike up, by way of a hint to Mr Cranium to finish his harangue65. The company took the hint and adjourned66 tumultuously, having just understood as much of the lecture as furnished them with amusement for the ensuing twelvemonth, in feeling the skulls of all their acquaintance.
1 remarkable | |
adj.显著的,异常的,非凡的,值得注意的 | |
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2 disposition | |
n.性情,性格;意向,倾向;排列,部署 | |
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3 enumerate | |
v.列举,计算,枚举,数 | |
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4 ass | |
n.驴;傻瓜,蠢笨的人 | |
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5 hog | |
n.猪;馋嘴贪吃的人;vt.把…占为己有,独占 | |
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6 physiologically | |
ad.生理上,在生理学上 | |
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7 asses | |
n. 驴,愚蠢的人,臀部 adv. (常用作后置)用于贬损或骂人 | |
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8 hogs | |
n.(尤指喂肥供食用的)猪( hog的名词复数 );(供食用的)阉公猪;彻底地做某事;自私的或贪婪的人 | |
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9 whatsoever | |
adv.(用于否定句中以加强语气)任何;pron.无论什么 | |
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10 fowl | |
n.家禽,鸡,禽肉 | |
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11 owl | |
n.猫头鹰,枭 | |
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12 inaccurate | |
adj.错误的,不正确的,不准确的 | |
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13 investigation | |
n.调查,调查研究 | |
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14 inquiry | |
n.打听,询问,调查,查问 | |
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15 undoubtedly | |
adv.确实地,无疑地 | |
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16 imposing | |
adj.使人难忘的,壮丽的,堂皇的,雄伟的 | |
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17 ironical | |
adj.讽刺的,冷嘲的 | |
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18 delusion | |
n.谬见,欺骗,幻觉,迷惑 | |
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19 peculiar | |
adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的 | |
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20 faculty | |
n.才能;学院,系;(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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21 faculties | |
n.能力( faculty的名词复数 );全体教职员;技巧;院 | |
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22 enumeration | |
n.计数,列举;细目;详表;点查 | |
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23 accomplished | |
adj.有才艺的;有造诣的;达到了的 | |
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24 perfectly | |
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
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25 propensity | |
n.倾向;习性 | |
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26 paramount | |
a.最重要的,最高权力的 | |
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27 migration | |
n.迁移,移居,(鸟类等的)迁徙 | |
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28 beaver | |
n.海狸,河狸 | |
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29 parental | |
adj.父母的;父的;母的 | |
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30 peculiarities | |
n. 特质, 特性, 怪癖, 古怪 | |
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31 skull | |
n.头骨;颅骨 | |
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32 wren | |
n.鹪鹩;英国皇家海军女子服务队成员 | |
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33 specimens | |
n.样品( specimen的名词复数 );范例;(化验的)抽样;某种类型的人 | |
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34 prodigious | |
adj.惊人的,奇妙的;异常的;巨大的;庞大的 | |
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35 constructiveness | |
组织,构造 | |
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36 eminent | |
adj.显赫的,杰出的,有名的,优良的 | |
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37 plunder | |
vt.劫掠财物,掠夺;n.劫掠物,赃物;劫掠 | |
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38 triumphant | |
adj.胜利的,成功的;狂欢的,喜悦的 | |
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39 depredation | |
n.掠夺,蹂躏 | |
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40 hemp | |
n.大麻;纤维 | |
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41 perspicuity | |
n.(文体的)明晰 | |
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42 conqueror | |
n.征服者,胜利者 | |
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43 lamentation | |
n.悲叹,哀悼 | |
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44 epics | |
n.叙事诗( epic的名词复数 );壮举;惊人之举;史诗般的电影(或书籍) | |
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45 gallows | |
n.绞刑架,绞台 | |
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46 ballad | |
n.歌谣,民谣,流行爱情歌曲 | |
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47 tune | |
n.调子;和谐,协调;v.调音,调节,调整 | |
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48 skulls | |
颅骨( skull的名词复数 ); 脑袋; 脑子; 脑瓜 | |
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49 pointed | |
adj.尖的,直截了当的 | |
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50 propensities | |
n.倾向,习性( propensity的名词复数 ) | |
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51 decided | |
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的 | |
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52 benevolence | |
n.慈悲,捐助 | |
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53 attachment | |
n.附属物,附件;依恋;依附 | |
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54 negation | |
n.否定;否认 | |
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55 avarice | |
n.贪婪;贪心 | |
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56 catastrophe | |
n.大灾难,大祸 | |
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57 inspection | |
n.检查,审查,检阅 | |
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58 advancement | |
n.前进,促进,提升 | |
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59 cerebral | |
adj.脑的,大脑的;有智力的,理智型的 | |
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60 procure | |
vt.获得,取得,促成;vi.拉皮条 | |
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61 vile | |
adj.卑鄙的,可耻的,邪恶的;坏透的 | |
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62 magpie | |
n.喜欢收藏物品的人,喜鹊,饶舌者 | |
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63 advantageous | |
adj.有利的;有帮助的 | |
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64 squire | |
n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
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65 harangue | |
n.慷慨冗长的训话,言辞激烈的讲话 | |
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66 adjourned | |
(使)休会, (使)休庭( adjourn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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