“The next step I took into the world was at Apollonia, in Thrace, where I was born of a beautiful Greek slave, who was the mistress of Eutyches, a great favorite of the emperor Zeno. That prince, at his restoration, gave me the command of a cohort, I being then but fifteen years of age; and a little afterwards, before I had even seen an army, preferred me, over the heads of all the old officers, to be a tribune.
“As I found an easy access to the emperor, by means of my father’s intimacy1 with him, he being a very good courtier — or, in other words, a most prostitute flatterer — so I soon ingratiated myself with Zeno, and so well imitated my father in flattering him, that he would never part with me from about his person. So that the first armed force I ever beheld2 was that with which Marcian surrounded the palace, where I was then shut up with the rest of the court.
“I was afterwards put at the head of a legion and ordered to march into Syria with Theodoric the Goth; that is, I mean my legion was so ordered; for, as to myself, I remained at court, with the name and pay of a general, without the labor3 or the danger.
“As nothing could be more gay, i. e., debauched, than Zeno’s court, so the ladies of gay disposition4 had great sway in it; particularly one, whose name was Fausta, who, though not extremely handsome, was by her wit and sprightliness5 very agreeable to the emperor. With her I lived in good correspondence, and we together disposed of all kinds of commissions in the army, not to those who had most merit, but who would purchase at the highest rate. My levee was now prodigiously6 thronged7 by officers who returned from the campaigns, who, though they might have been convinced by daily example how ineffectual a recommendation their services were, still continued indefatigable9 in attendance, and behaved to me with as much observance and respect as I should have been entitled to for making their fortunes, while I suffered them and their families to starve.
“Several poets, likewise, addressed verses to me, in which they celebrated10 my achievements; and what, perhaps, may seem strange to us at present, I received all this incense11 with most greedy vanity, without once reflecting that, as I did not deserve these compliments, they should rather put me in mind of my defects.
“My father was now dead, and I became so absolute in the emperor’s grace that one unacquainted with courts would scarce believe the servility with which all kinds of persons who entered the walls of the palace behaved towards me. A bow, a smile, a nod from me, as I passed through cringing12 crowds, were esteemed13 as signal favors; but a gracious word made any one happy; and, indeed, had this real benefit attending it, that it drew on the person on whom it was bestowed14 a very great degree of respect from all others; for these are of current value in courts, and, like notes in trading communities, are assignable from one to the other. The smile of a court favorite immediately raises the person who receives it, and gives a value to his smile when conferred on an inferior: thus the smile is transferred from one to the other, and the great man at last is the person to discount it. For instance, a very low fellow hath a desire for a place. To whom is he to apply? Not to the great man; for to him he hath no access. He therefore applies to A, who is the creature of B, who is the tool of C, who is the flatterer of D, who is the catamite of E, who is the pimp of F, who is the bully15 of G, who is the buffoon16 of I, who is the husband of K, who is the whore of L, who is the bastard17 of M, who is the instrument of the great man. Thus the smile descending18 regularly from the great man to A, is discounted back again, and at last paid by the great man.
“It is manifest that a court would subsist19 as difficultly without this kind of coin as a trading city without paper credit. Indeed, they differ in this, that their value is not quite so certain, and a favorite may protest his smile without the danger of bankruptcy20.
“In the midst of all this glory the emperor died, and Anastasius was preferred to the crown. As it was yet uncertain whether I should not continue in favor, I was received as usual at my entrance into the palace to pay my respects to the new emperor; but I was no sooner rumped by him than I received the same compliment from all the rest; the whole room, like a regiment21 of soldiers, turning their backs to me all at once: my smile now was become of equal value with the note of a broken banker, and every one was as cautious not to receive it.
“I made as much haste as possible from the court, and shortly after from the city, retreating to the place of my nativity, where I spent the remainder of my days in a retired22 life in husbandry, the only amusement for which I was qualified23, having neither learning nor virtue24.
“When I came to the gate Minos again seemed at first doubtful, but at length dismissed me; saying though I had been guilty of many heinous25 crimes, in as much as I had, though a general, never been concerned in spilling human blood, I might return again to earth.
“I was now again born in Alexandria, and, by great accident, entering into the womb of my daughter-inlaw, came forth26 my own grandson, inheriting that fortune which I had before amassed27.
“Extravagance was now as notoriously my vice8 as avarice28 had been formerly29; and I spent in a very short life what had cost me the labor of a very long one to rake together. Perhaps you will think my present condition was more to be envied than my former: but upon my word it was very little so; for, by possessing everything almost before I desired it, I could hardly ever say I enjoyed my wish: I scarce ever knew the delight of satisfying a craving30 appetite. Besides, as I never once thought, my mind was useless to me, and I was an absolute stranger to all the pleasures arising from it. Nor, indeed, did my education qualify me for any delicacy31 in other enjoyments32; so that in the midst of plenty I loathed34 everything. Taste for elegance35 I had none; and the greatest of corporeal36 blisses I felt no more from than the lowest animal. In a word, as while a miser37 I had plenty without daring to use it, so now I had it without appetite.
“But if I was not very happy in the height of my enjoyment33, so I afterwards became perfectly38 miserable39; being soon overtaken by disease, and reduced to distress40, till at length, with a broken constitution and broken heart, I ended my wretched days in a jail: nor can I think the sentence of Minos too mild, who condemned41 me, after having taken a large dose of avarice, to wander three years on the banks of Cocytus, with the knowledge of having spent the fortune in the person of the grandson which I had raised in that of the grandfather.
“The place of my birth, on my return to the world, was Constantinople, where my father was a carpenter. The first thing I remember was, the triumph of Belisarius, which was, indeed, most noble show; but nothing pleased me so much as the figure of Gelimer, king of the African Vandals, who, being led captive on this occasion, reflecting with disdain42 on the mutation43 of his own fortune, and on the ridiculous empty pomp of the conqueror44, cried out, VANITY, VANITY, ALL IS MERE45 VANITY.’
“I was bred up to my father’s trade, and you may easily believe so low a sphere could produce no adventures worth your notice. However, I married a woman I liked, and who proved a very tolerable wife. My days were passed in hard labor, but this procured46 me health, and I enjoyed a homely47 supper at night with my wife with more pleasure than I apprehend48 greater persons find at their luxurious49 meals. My life had scarce any variety in it, and at my death I advanced to Minos with great confidence of entering the gate: but I was unhappily obliged to discover some frauds I had been guilty of in the measure of my work when I worked by the foot, as well as my laziness when I was employed by the day. On which account, when I attempted to pass, the angry judge laid hold on me by the shoulders, and turned me back so violently, that, had I had a neck of flesh and bone, I believe he would have broke it.”
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1
intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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2
beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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3
labor
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| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
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4
disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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5
sprightliness
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| n.愉快，快活 | |
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6
prodigiously
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| adv.异常地，惊人地，巨大地 | |
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7
thronged
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| v.成群，挤满( throng的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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8
vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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9
indefatigable
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| adj.不知疲倦的，不屈不挠的 | |
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10
celebrated
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| adj.有名的，声誉卓著的 | |
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11
incense
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| v.激怒；n.香，焚香时的烟，香气 | |
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12
cringing
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| adj.谄媚，奉承 | |
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13
esteemed
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| adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 )；敬重；认为；以为 | |
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14
bestowed
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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15
bully
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| n.恃强欺弱者，小流氓；vt.威胁，欺侮 | |
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16
buffoon
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| n.演出时的丑角 | |
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17
bastard
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| n.坏蛋，混蛋；私生子 | |
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18
descending
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| n. 下行 adj. 下降的 | |
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19
subsist
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| vi.生存，存在，供养 | |
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20
bankruptcy
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| n.破产；无偿付能力 | |
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21
regiment
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| n.团，多数，管理；v.组织，编成团，统制 | |
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22
retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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23
qualified
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| adj.合格的，有资格的，胜任的，有限制的 | |
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24
virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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25
heinous
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| adj.可憎的，十恶不赦的 | |
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26
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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27
amassed
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| v.积累，积聚( amass的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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28
avarice
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| n.贪婪；贪心 | |
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29
formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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30
craving
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| n.渴望,热望 | |
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31
delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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32
enjoyments
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| 愉快( enjoyment的名词复数 )； 令人愉快的事物； 享有； 享受 | |
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33
enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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34
loathed
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| v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的过去式和过去分词 )；极不喜欢 | |
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35
elegance
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| n.优雅；优美，雅致；精致，巧妙 | |
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36
corporeal
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| adj.肉体的，身体的；物质的 | |
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37
miser
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| n.守财奴，吝啬鬼 (adj.miserly) | |
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38
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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39
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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40
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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41
condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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42
disdain
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| n.鄙视，轻视；v.轻视，鄙视，不屑 | |
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43
mutation
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| n.变化，变异，转变 | |
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44
conqueror
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| n.征服者，胜利者 | |
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45
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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46
procured
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| v.（努力）取得， （设法）获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 )；拉皮条 | |
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47
homely
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| adj.家常的，简朴的；不漂亮的 | |
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48
apprehend
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| vt.理解，领悟，逮捕，拘捕，忧虑 | |
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49
luxurious
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| adj.精美而昂贵的；豪华的 | |
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