“The next visit I made to the world was performed in France, where I was born in the court of Lewis III, and had afterwards the honor to be preferred to be fool to the prince, who was surnamed Charles the Simple. But, in reality, I know not whether I might so properly be said to have acted the fool in his court as to have made fools of all others in it. Certain it is, I was very far from being what is generally understood by that word, being a most cunning, designing, arch knave1. I knew very well the folly2 of my master, and of many others, and how to make my advantage of this knowledge.
“I was as dear to Charles the Simple as the player Paris was to Domitian, and, like him, bestowed3 all manner of offices and honors on whom I pleased. This drew me a great number of followers4 among the courtiers, who really mistook me for a fool, and yet flattered my understanding. There was particularly in the court a fellow who had neither honor, honesty, sense, wit, courage, beauty, nor indeed any one good quality, either of mind or body, to recommend him; but was at the same time, perhaps, as cunning a monster as ever lived. This gentleman took it into his head to list under my banner, and pursued me so very assiduously with flattery, constantly reminding me of my good sense, that I grew immoderately fond of him; for though flattery is not most judiciously5 applied6 to qualities which the persons flattered possess, yet as, notwithstanding my being well assured of my own parts, I passed in the whole court for a fool, this flattery was a very sweet morsel7 to me. I therefore got this fellow preferred to a bishopric, but I lost my flatterer by it; for he never afterwards said a civil thing to me.
“I never balked8 my imagination for the grossness of the reflection on the character of the greatest noble — nay9, even the king himself; of which I will give you a very bold instance. One day his simple majesty10 told me he believed I had so much power that his people looked on me as the king, and himself as my fool.
“At this I pretended to be angry, as with an affront11. ‘Why, how now?’ says the king; ‘are you ashamed of being a king?’ ‘No, sir,’ says I, ‘but I am devilishly ashamed of my fool.’
“Herbert, earl of Vermandois, had by my means been restored to the favor of the Simple (for so I used always to call Charles). He afterwards prevailed with the king to take the city of Arras from earl Baldwin, by which means, Herbert, in exchange for this city, had Peronne restored to him by count Altmar. Baldwin came to court in order to procure12 the restoration of his city; but, either through pride or ignorance, neglected to apply to me. As I met him at court during his solicitation13, I told him he did not apply the right way; he answered roughly he should not ask a fool’s advice. I replied I did not wonder at his prejudice, since he had miscarried already by following a fool’s advice; but I told him there were fools who had more interest than that he had brought with him to court. He answered me surlily he had no fool with him, for that he traveled alone. ‘Ay, my lord,’ says I, ‘I often travel alone, and yet they will have it I always carry a fool with me.’ This raised a laugh among the by-standers, on which he gave me a blow. I immediately complained of this usage to the Simple, who dismissed the earl from court with very hard words, instead of granting him the favor he solicited14.
“I give you these rather as a specimen15 of my interest and impudence16 than of my wit — indeed, my jests were commonly more admired than they ought to be; for perhaps I was not in reality much more a wit than a fool. But, with the latitude17 of unbounded scurrility18, it is easy enough to attain19 the character of wit, especially in a court, where, as all persons hate and envy one another heartily20, and are at the same time obliged by the constrained21 behavior of civility to profess22 the greatest liking23, so it is, and must be, wonderfully pleasant to them to see the follies24 of their acquaintance exposed by a third person. Besides, the opinion of the court is as uniform as the fashion, and is always guided by the will of the prince or of the favorite. I doubt not that Caligula’s horse was universally held in his court to be a good and able consul25. In the same manner was I universally acknowledged to be the wittiest26 fool in the world. Every word I said raised laughter, and was held to be a jest, especially by the ladies, who sometimes laughed before I had discovered my sentiment, and often repeated that as a jest which I did not even intend as one.
“I was as severe on the ladies as on the men, and with the same impunity27; but this at last cost me dear: for once having joked on the beauty of a lady whose name was Adelaide, a favorite of the Simple’s, she pretended to smile and be pleased at my wit with the rest of the company; but in reality she highly resented it, and endeavored to undermine me with the king. In which she so greatly succeeded (for what cannot a favorite woman do with one who deserves the surname of Simple?) that the king grew every day more reserved to me, and when I attempted any freedom gave me such marks of his displeasure, that the courtiers who have all hawks’ eyes at a slight from the sovereign, soon discerned it: and indeed, had I been blind enough not to have discovered that I had lost ground in the Simple’s favor by his own change in his carriage towards me, I must have found it, nay even felt it, in the behavior of the courtiers: for, as my company was two days before solicited with the utmost eagerness, it was now rejected with as much scorn. I was now the jest of the ushers28 and pages; and an officer of the guards, on whom I was a little jocose29, gave me a box on the ear, bidding me make free with my equals. This very fellow had been my butt30 for many years, without daring to lift his hand against me.
“But though I visibly perceived the alteration31 in the Simple, I was utterly32 unable to make any guess at the occasion. I had not the least suspicion of Adelaide; for, besides her being a very good-humored woman, I had often made severe jests on her reputation, which I had all the reason imaginable to believe had given her no offense33. But I soon perceived that a woman will bear the most bitter censures34 on her morals easier than the smallest reflection on her beauty; for she now declared publicly, that I ought to be dismissed from court, as the stupidest of fools, and one in whom there was no diversion; and that she wondered how any person could have so little taste as to imagine I had any wit. This speech was echoed through the drawing-room, and agreed to by all present. Every one now put on an unusual gravity on their countenance35 whenever I spoke36; and it was as much out of my power to raise a laugh as formerly37 it had been for me to open my mouth without one.
“While my affairs were in this posture38 I went one day into the circle without my fool’s dress. The Simple, who would still speak to me, cried out, ‘So, fool, what’s the matter now?’ ‘Sir,’ answered I, ‘fools are like to be so common a commodity at court, that I am weary of my coat.’ ‘How dost thou mean?’ answered the Simple; ‘what can make them commoner now than usual?’ — ‘O, sir,’ said I, ‘there are ladies here make your majesty a fool every day of their lives.’ The Simple took no notice of my jest, and several present said my bones ought to be broke for my impudence; but it pleased the queen, who, knowing Adelaide, whom she hated, to be the cause of my disgrace, obtained me of the king, and took me into her service; so that I was henceforth called the queen’s fool, and in her court received the same honor, and had as much wit, as I had formerly had in the king’s. But as the queen had really no power unless over her own domestics, I was not treated in general with that complacence, nor did I receive those bribes39 and presents, which had once fallen to my share.
“Nor did this confined respect continue long: for the queen, who had in fact no taste for humor, soon grew sick of my foolery, and, forgetting the cause for which she had taken me, neglected me so much, that her court grew intolerable to my temper, and I broke my heart and died.
“Minos laughed heartily at several things in my story, and then, telling me no one played the fool in Elysium, bid me go back again.”
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1
knave
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| n.流氓；（纸牌中的）杰克 | |
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2
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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3
bestowed
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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4
followers
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| 追随者( follower的名词复数 )； 用户； 契据的附面； 从动件 | |
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5
judiciously
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| adv.明断地，明智而审慎地 | |
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6
applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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7
morsel
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| n.一口，一点点 | |
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8
balked
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| v.畏缩不前，犹豫( balk的过去式和过去分词 )；（指马）不肯跑 | |
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9
nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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10
majesty
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| n.雄伟，壮丽，庄严，威严；最高权威，王权 | |
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11
affront
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| n./v.侮辱，触怒 | |
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12
procure
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| vt.获得，取得，促成；vi.拉皮条 | |
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13
solicitation
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| n.诱惑；揽货；恳切地要求；游说 | |
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14
solicited
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| v.恳求( solicit的过去式和过去分词 )；（指娼妇）拉客；索求；征求 | |
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15
specimen
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| n.样本，标本 | |
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16
impudence
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| n.厚颜无耻；冒失；无礼 | |
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17
latitude
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| n.纬度，行动或言论的自由(范围)，(pl.)地区 | |
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18
scurrility
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| n.粗俗下流；辱骂的言语 | |
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19
attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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20
heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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21
constrained
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| adj.束缚的,节制的 | |
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22
profess
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| v.声称，冒称，以...为业，正式接受入教，表明信仰 | |
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23
liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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24
follies
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| 罪恶，时事讽刺剧； 愚蠢，蠢笨，愚蠢的行为、思想或做法( folly的名词复数 ) | |
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25
consul
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| n.领事；执政官 | |
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26
wittiest
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| 机智的，言辞巧妙的，情趣横生的( witty的最高级 ) | |
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27
impunity
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| n.(惩罚、损失、伤害等的)免除 | |
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28
ushers
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| n.引座员( usher的名词复数 )；招待员；门房；助理教员v.引，领，陪同( usher的第三人称单数 ) | |
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29
jocose
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| adj.开玩笑的，滑稽的 | |
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30
butt
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| n.笑柄；烟蒂；枪托；臀部；v.用头撞或顶 | |
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31
alteration
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| n.变更，改变；蚀变 | |
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32
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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33
offense
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| n.犯规，违法行为；冒犯，得罪 | |
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34
censures
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| v.指责，非难，谴责( censure的第三人称单数 ) | |
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35
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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36
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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37
formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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38
posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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39
bribes
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| n.贿赂( bribe的名词复数 )；向（某人）行贿，贿赂v.贿赂( bribe的第三人称单数 )；向（某人）行贿，贿赂 | |
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