“I now returned to Rome, and was born into a very poor and numerous family, which, to be honest with you, procured1 its livelihood2 by begging. This, if you was never yourself of the calling, you do not know, I suppose, to be as regular a trade as any other; to have its several rules and secrets, or mysteries, which to learn require perhaps as tedious an apprenticeship3 as those of any craft whatever.
“The first thing we are taught is the countenance4 miserable5. This indeed nature makes much easier to some than others; but there are none who cannot accomplish it, if they begin early enough in youth, and before the muscles are grown too stubborn.
“The second thing is the voice lamentable6. In this qualification too, nature must have her share in producing the most consummate7 excellence8: however, art will here, as in every other instance, go a great way with industry and application, even without the assistance of genius, especially if the student begins young.
“There are many other instructions, but these are the most considerable. The women are taught one practice more than the men, for they are instructed in the art of crying, that is, to have their tears ready on all occasions: but this is attained9 very easily by most. Some indeed arrive at the utmost perfection in this art with incredible facility.
“No profession requires a deeper insight into human nature than the beggar’s. Their knowledge of the passions of men is so extensive, that I have often thought it would be of no little service to a politician to have his education among them. Nay10, there is a much greater analogy between these two characters than is imagined; for both concur11 in their first and grand principle, it being equally their business to delude12 and impose on mankind. It must be confessed that they differ widely in the degree of advantage which they make by their deceit; for, whereas the beggar is contented13 with a little, the politician leaves but a little behind.
“A very great English philosopher hath remarked our policy, in taking care never to address any one with a title inferior to what he really claims. My father was of the same opinion; for I remember when I was a boy, the pope happening to pass by, I tended him with ‘Pray, sir;’ ‘For God’s sake, sir;’ ‘For the Lord’s sake, sir;’ — To which he answered gravely, ‘Sirrah, sirrah, you ought to be whipped for taking the Lord’s name in vain;’ and in vain it was indeed, for he gave me nothing. My father, overhearing this, took his advice, and whipped me very severely14. While I was under correction I promised often never to take the Lord’s name in vain any more. My father then said, ‘Child, I do not whip you for taking his name in vain; I whip you for not calling the pope his holiness.’
“If all men were so wise and good to follow the clergy’s example, the nuisance of beggars would soon be removed. I do not remember to have been above twice relieved by them during my whole state of beggary. Once was by a very well-looking man, who gave me a small piece of silver, and declared he had given me more than he had left himself; the other was by a spruce young fellow, who had that very day first put on his robes, whom I attended with ‘Pray, reverend sir, good reverend sir, consider your cloth.’ He answered, ‘I do, child, consider my office, and I hope all our cloth do the same.’ He then threw down some money, and strutted15 off with great dignity.
“With the women I had one general formulary: ‘Sweet pretty lady,’ ‘God bless your ladyship,’ ‘God bless your handsome face.’ This generally succeeded; but I observed the uglier the woman was, the surer I was of success.
“It was a constant maxim16 among us, that the greater retinue17 any one traveled with the less expectation we might promise ourselves from them; but whenever we saw a vehicle with a single or no servant we imagined our booty sure, and were seldom deceived.
“We observed great difference introduced by time and circumstance in the same person; for instance, a losing gamester is sometimes generous, but from a winner you will as easily obtain his soul as a single groat. A lawyer traveling from his country seat to his clients at Rome, and a physician going to visit a patient, were always worth asking; but the same on their return were (according to our cant18 phrase) untouchable.
“The most general, and indeed the truest, maxim among us was, that those who possessed19 the least were always the readiest to give. The chief art of a beggar-man is, therefore, to discern the rich from the poor, which, though it be only distinguishing substance from shadow, is by no means attainable20 without a pretty good capacity and a vast degree of attention; for these two are eternally industrious21 in endeavoring to counterfeit22 each other. In this deceit the poor man is more heartily23 in earnest to deceive you than the rich, who, amidst all the emblems24 of poverty which he puts on, still permits some mark of his wealth to strike the eye. Thus, while his apparel is not worth a groat, his finger wears a ring of value, or his pocket a gold watch. In a word, he seems rather to affect poverty to insult than impose on you. Now the poor man, on the contrary, is very sincere in his desire of passing for rich; but the eagerness of this desire hurries him to over-act his part, and he betrays himself as one who is drunk by his overacted sobriety. Thus, instead of being attended by one servant well mounted, he will have two; and, not being able to purchase or maintain a second horse of value, one of his servants at least is mounted on a hired rascallion. He is not contented to go plain and neat in his clothes; he therefore claps on some tawdry ornament25, and what he adds to the fineness of his vestment he detracts from the fineness of his linen26. Without descending27 into more minute particulars, I believe I may assert it as an axiom of indubitable truth, that whoever shows you he is either in himself or his equipage as gaudy28 as he can, convinces you he is more so than he can afford. Now, whenever a man’s expense exceeds his income, he is indifferent in the degree; we had therefore nothing more to do with such than to flatter them with their wealth and splendor29, and were always certain of success.
“There is, indeed, one kind of rich man who is commonly more liberal, namely, where riches surprise him, as it were, in the midst of poverty and distress30, the consequence of which is, I own, sometimes excessive avarice31, but oftener extreme prodigality32. I remember one of these who, having received a pretty large sum of money, gave me, when I begged an obolus, a whole talent; on which his friend having reproved him, he answered, with an oath, ‘Why not? Have I not fifty left?’
“The life of a beggar, if men estimated things by their real essence, and not by their outward false appearance, would be, perhaps, a more desirable situation than any of those which ambition persuades us, with such difficulty, danger, and often villainy, to aspire33 to. The wants of a beggar are commonly as chimerical34 as the abundance of a nobleman; for besides vanity, which a judicious35 beggar will always apply to with wonderful efficacy, there are in reality very few natures so hardened as not to compassionate36 poverty and distress, when the predominancy of some other passion doth not prevent them.
“There is one happiness which attends money got with ease, namely, that it is never hoarded37; otherwise, as we have frequent opportunities of growing rich, that canker care might prey38 upon our quiet, as it doth on others; but our money stock we spend as fast as we acquire it; usually at least, for I speak not without exception; thus it gives us mirth only, and no trouble. Indeed, the luxury of our lives might introduce diseases, did not our daily exercise prevent them. This gives us an appetite and relish39 for our dainties, and at the same time an antidote40 against the evil effects which sloth41, united with luxury, induces on the habit of a human body. Our women we enjoy with ecstasies42 at least equal to what the greatest men feel in their embraces. I can, I am assured, say of myself, that no mortal could reap more perfect happiness from the tender passion than my fortune had decreed me. I married a charming young woman for love; she was the daughter of a neighboring beggar, who, with an improvidence43 too often seen, spent a very large income which he procured by his profession, so that he was able to give her no fortune down; however, at his death he left her a very well accustomed begging-hut, situated44 on the side of a steep hill, where travelers could not immediately escape from us, and a garden adjoining, being the twenty-eighth part of an acre, well planted.
“She made the best of wives, bore me nineteen children, and never failed, unless on her lying-in, which generally lasted three days, to get my supper ready against my return home in an evening; this being my favorite meal, and at which I, as well as my whole family, greatly enjoyed ourselves; the principal subject of our discourse45 being generally the boons46 we had that day obtained, on which occasions, laughing at the folly47 of the donors48 made no inconsiderable part of the entertainment; for, whatever might be their motive49 for giving, we constantly imputed50 our success to our having flattered their vanity, or overreached their understanding.
“But perhaps I have dwelt too long on this character; I shall conclude, therefore, with telling you that after a life of 102 years’ continuance, during all which I had never known any sickness or infirmity but that which old age necessarily induced, I at last, without the least pain, went out like the snuff of a candle.
“Minos, having heard my history, bid me compute51, if I could, how many lies I had told in my life. As we are here, by a certain fated necessity, obliged to confine ourselves to truth, I answered, I believed about 50,000,000. He then replied, with a frown, ‘Can such a wretch52 conceive any hopes of entering Elysium?’ I immediately turned about, and, upon the whole, was rejoiced at his not calling me back.”
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1
procured
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| v.（努力）取得， （设法）获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 )；拉皮条 | |
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2
livelihood
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| n.生计，谋生之道 | |
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3
apprenticeship
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| n.学徒身份；学徒期 | |
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4
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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5
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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6
lamentable
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| adj.令人惋惜的，悔恨的 | |
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7
consummate
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| adj.完美的；v.成婚；使完美 [反]baffle | |
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8
excellence
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| n.优秀，杰出，(pl.)优点，美德 | |
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9
attained
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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10
nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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11
concur
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| v.同意，意见一致，互助，同时发生 | |
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12
delude
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| vt.欺骗；哄骗 | |
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13
contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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14
severely
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| adv.严格地；严厉地；非常恶劣地 | |
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15
strutted
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| 趾高气扬地走，高视阔步( strut的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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16
maxim
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| n.格言，箴言 | |
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retinue
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| n.侍从；随员 | |
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18
cant
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| n.斜穿，黑话，猛扔 | |
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19
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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20
attainable
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| a.可达到的，可获得的 | |
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21
industrious
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| adj.勤劳的，刻苦的，奋发的 | |
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22
counterfeit
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| vt.伪造，仿造；adj.伪造的，假冒的 | |
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23
heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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24
emblems
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| n.象征，标记( emblem的名词复数 ) | |
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25
ornament
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| v.装饰，美化；n.装饰，装饰物 | |
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linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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descending
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| n. 下行 adj. 下降的 | |
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gaudy
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| adj.华而不实的；俗丽的 | |
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29
splendor
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| n.光彩；壮丽，华丽；显赫，辉煌 | |
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30
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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31
avarice
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| n.贪婪；贪心 | |
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32
prodigality
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| n.浪费，挥霍 | |
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33
aspire
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| vi.(to，after)渴望，追求，有志于 | |
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34
chimerical
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| adj.荒诞不经的，梦幻的 | |
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35
judicious
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| adj.明智的，明断的，能作出明智决定的 | |
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compassionate
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| adj.有同情心的，表示同情的 | |
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37
hoarded
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| v.积蓄并储藏（某物）( hoard的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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38
prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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39
relish
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| n.滋味，享受，爱好，调味品；vt.加调味料，享受，品味；vi.有滋味 | |
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40
antidote
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| n.解毒药，解毒剂 | |
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41
sloth
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| n.[动]树懒；懒惰，懒散 | |
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42
ecstasies
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| 狂喜( ecstasy的名词复数 )； 出神； 入迷； 迷幻药 | |
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43
improvidence
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| n.目光短浅 | |
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44
situated
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| adj.坐落在...的，处于某种境地的 | |
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45
discourse
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| n.论文，演说；谈话；话语；vi.讲述，著述 | |
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46
boons
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| n.恩惠( boon的名词复数 )；福利；非常有用的东西；益处 | |
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47
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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48
donors
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| n.捐赠者( donor的名词复数 )；献血者；捐血者；器官捐献者 | |
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49
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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50
imputed
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| v.把（错误等）归咎于( impute的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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51
compute
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| v./n.计算，估计 | |
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52
wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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