To the Editor of the Comic Annual.
SIR,
As I am but an occasional reader in the temporary indulgence of intellectual relaxation1, I have but recently become
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cognizant of the metropolitan2 publication of Mr. Murray’s Mr. Croker’s Mr. Boswell’s Dr. Johnson: a circumstance the more to be deprecated, for if I had been simultaneously3 aware of that amalgamation4 of miscellaneous memoranda5 I could have contributed a personal quota6 of characteristic colloquial7 anecdotes8 to the biographical reminiscences of the multitudinous lexicographer9, which although founded on the basis of indubitable veracity10, has never transpired11 among the multifarious effusions of that stupendous complication of mechanical ingenuity12, which, according to the technicalities in usage in our modern nomenclature, has obtained the universal cognomen13 of the press. Expediency14 imperiously dictates15 that the nominal16 identity of the hereditary17 kinsman18, from whom I derive19 my authoritative20 responsibility, shall be inviolable and umbrageously obscured; but in future variorum editions his voluntary addenda21 to the already inestimable concatenation of circumstantial particularisation might typographically be discriminated22 from the literary accumulations of the indefatigable23 Boswell and the vivacious24 Piozzi, by the significant classification of Boz, Poz, and Coz.
In posthumously25 eliciting26 and philosophically27 elucidating28 the phenomena29 of defunct30 luminaries31, whether in reference to corporeal32, physiognomical, or metaphysical attributes, justice demands the strictest scrupulosity33, in order that the heterogeneous34 may not preponderate35 over the homogeneous in the critical analysis. Metaphorically36 speaking, I am rationally convinced that the operative point I am about to develop will remove a pertinacious37 film from the eye of the biographer of the memorable38 Dr. Johnson; and especially with reference to that reiterated39 verbal aphorism40 so preposterously41 ascribed to his conversational42 inculcation, namely, that “he who would make a pun would pick a pocket;” however irrelevant43 such a doctrinarian maxim44 to the irrefragable fact, that in that colossal45 monument of etymological46 erudition erected47 by the stupendous Doctor himself (of course implying his inestimable Dictionary), the paramount48
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gist, scope, and tendency of his laborious49 researches was obviously to give as many meanings as possible to one word. In order, however, to place hypothesis on the immutable50 foundation of fact, I will, with your periodical permission, adduce a few Johnsonian repartees from my cousin’s anecdotical memorabilia, which will perspicuously evolve the synthetical51 conclusion, that the inimitable author of Rasselas did not dogmatically predicate such an aggravated52 degree of moral turpitude53 in the perpetration of a double entendre.
Apologistically requesting indulgence for the epistolary laxity of an unpremeditated effusion,
I remain, Sir,
Your very humble54 obedient servant,
SEPTIMUS REARDON.
Lichfield, October 1, 1833.
“Do you really believe, Dr. Johnson,” said a Lichfield lady, “in the dead walking after death?”—“Madam,” said Johnson, “I have no doubt on the subject; I have heard the Dead March in Saul.” “You really believe then, Doctor, in ghosts?”—“Madam,” said Johnson, “I think appearances are in their favour.”
The Doctor was notoriously very superstitious55. The same lady once asked him—“if he ever felt any presentiment56 at a winding-sheet in the candle.”—“Madam,” said Johnson, “if a mould candle, it doubtless indicates death, and that somebody will go out like a snuff; but whether at Hampton Wick or in Greece, must depend upon the graves.”
Dr. Johnson was not comfortable in the Hebrides. “Pray, Doctor, how did you sleep?” inquired a benevolent57 Scotch58 hostess, who was so extremely hospitable59 that some hundreds always occupied the same bed.—“Madam,” said Johnson, “I had not a wink60 the whole night long; sleep seemed to flee from my eyelids61, and to bug62 from all the rest of my body.”
The Doctor and Boswell once lost themselves in the Isle63 of
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Muck, and the latter said they must “spier their way at the first body they met.” “Sir,” said Dr. Johnson, “you’re a scoundrel: you may spear anybody you like, but I am not going to ‘run a-Muck and tilt64 at all I meet.’”
AN ILLUMINATED65 MS.
“What do you think of whiskey, Dr. Johnson?” hiccupped Boswell after emptying a sixth tumbler of toddy. “Sir,” said the Doctor, “it penetrates66 my very soul like ‘the small-still voice of conscience,’ and doubtless the worm of the still is the ‘worm that never dies.’” Boswell afterwards inquired the Doctor’s opinion on illicit67 distillation68, and how the great moralist would act in an affray between the smugglers and the Excise69. “If I went by the letter of the law, I should assist the Customs, but according to the spirit I should stand by the contrabands.”
The Doctor was always very satirical on the want of timber in the North. “Sir,” he said to the young Laird of Icombally, who was going to join his regiment70,
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“may Providence71 preserve you in battle, and especially your nether72 limbs. You may grow a walking-stick here, but you must import a wooden leg.” At Dunsinane the old prejudice broke out. “Sir,” said he to Boswell, “Macbeth was an idiot; he ought to have known that every wood in Scotland might be carried in a man’s hand. The Scotch, Sir, are like the frogs in the fable73: if they had a Log they would make a King of it.”
Boswell one day expatiated74 at some length on the moral and religious character of his countrymen, and remarked triumphantly75 that there was a Cathedral at Kirkwall, and the remains76 of a Bishop77’s Palace. “Sir,” said Johnson, “it must have been the poorest of Sees: take your Rum and Egg and Mull altogether, and they won’t provide for a Bishop.”
East India company is the worst of all company. A Lady fresh from Calcutta once endeavoured to curry78 Johnson’s favour by talking of nothing but howdahs, doolies, and bungalows79, till the Doctor took, as usual, to tiffin. “Madam,” said he, in a tone that would have scared a tiger out of a jungle, “India’s very well for a rubber or for a bandana, or for a cake of ink, but what with its Bhurtpore, Pahlumpore, Barrackpore, Hyderapore, Singapore, and Nagpore, its Hyderabad, Astrabad, Bundlebad, Sindbad, and Guzzaratbadbad, it’s a poor and bad country altogether.”
Master M., after plaguing Miss Seward and Dr. Darwin, and a large tea party at Lichfield, said to his mother that he would be good if she would give him an apple. “My dear child,” said the parent, feeling herself in the presence of a great moralist, “you ought not to be good on any consideration of gain, for ‘virtue is its own reward.’ You ought to be good disinterestedly80, and without thinking what you are to get for it.” “Madam,” said Dr. Johnson, “you are a fool; would you have the boy good for nothing?”
The same lady once consulted the Doctor on the degree of turpitude to be attached to her son’s robbing an orchard81.
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“Madam,” said Johnson, “it all depends upon the weight of the boy. I remember my schoolfellow Davy Garrick, who was always a little fellow, robbing a dozen of orchards82 with impunity83, but the very first time I climbed up an apple tree, for I was always a heavy boy, the bough84 broke with me, and it was called a judgment85. I suppose that’s why Justice is represented with a pair of scales.”
Caleb Whitefoord, the famous punster, once inquired seriously of Dr. Johnson whether he really considered that a man ought to be transported, like Barrington, the pickpocket86, for being guilty of a double meaning. “Sir,” said Johnson, “if a man means well, the more he means the better.”
点击收听单词发音
1 relaxation | |
n.松弛,放松;休息;消遣;娱乐 | |
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2 metropolitan | |
adj.大城市的,大都会的 | |
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3 simultaneously | |
adv.同时发生地,同时进行地 | |
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4 amalgamation | |
n.合并,重组;;汞齐化 | |
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5 memoranda | |
n. 备忘录, 便条 名词memorandum的复数形式 | |
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6 quota | |
n.(生产、进出口等的)配额,(移民的)限额 | |
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7 colloquial | |
adj.口语的,会话的 | |
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8 anecdotes | |
n.掌故,趣闻,轶事( anecdote的名词复数 ) | |
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9 lexicographer | |
n.辞典编纂人 | |
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10 veracity | |
n.诚实 | |
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11 transpired | |
(事实,秘密等)被人知道( transpire的过去式和过去分词 ); 泄露; 显露; 发生 | |
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12 ingenuity | |
n.别出心裁;善于发明创造 | |
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13 cognomen | |
n.姓;绰号 | |
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14 expediency | |
n.适宜;方便;合算;利己 | |
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15 dictates | |
n.命令,规定,要求( dictate的名词复数 )v.大声讲或读( dictate的第三人称单数 );口授;支配;摆布 | |
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16 nominal | |
adj.名义上的;(金额、租金)微不足道的 | |
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17 hereditary | |
adj.遗传的,遗传性的,可继承的,世袭的 | |
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18 kinsman | |
n.男亲属 | |
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19 derive | |
v.取得;导出;引申;来自;源自;出自 | |
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20 authoritative | |
adj.有权威的,可相信的;命令式的;官方的 | |
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21 addenda | |
n.附录,附加物;附加物( addendum的名词复数 );补遗;附录;(齿轮的)齿顶(高) | |
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22 discriminated | |
分别,辨别,区分( discriminate的过去式和过去分词 ); 歧视,有差别地对待 | |
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23 indefatigable | |
adj.不知疲倦的,不屈不挠的 | |
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24 vivacious | |
adj.活泼的,快活的 | |
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25 posthumously | |
adv.于死后,于身后;于著作者死后出版地 | |
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26 eliciting | |
n. 诱发, 引出 动词elicit的现在分词形式 | |
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27 philosophically | |
adv.哲学上;富有哲理性地;贤明地;冷静地 | |
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28 elucidating | |
v.阐明,解释( elucidate的现在分词 ) | |
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29 phenomena | |
n.现象 | |
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30 defunct | |
adj.死亡的;已倒闭的 | |
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31 luminaries | |
n.杰出人物,名人(luminary的复数形式) | |
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32 corporeal | |
adj.肉体的,身体的;物质的 | |
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33 scrupulosity | |
n.顾虑 | |
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34 heterogeneous | |
adj.庞杂的;异类的 | |
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35 preponderate | |
v.数目超过;占优势 | |
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36 metaphorically | |
adv. 用比喻地 | |
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37 pertinacious | |
adj.顽固的 | |
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38 memorable | |
adj.值得回忆的,难忘的,特别的,显著的 | |
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39 reiterated | |
反复地说,重申( reiterate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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40 aphorism | |
n.格言,警语 | |
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41 preposterously | |
adv.反常地;荒谬地;荒谬可笑地;不合理地 | |
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42 conversational | |
adj.对话的,会话的 | |
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43 irrelevant | |
adj.不恰当的,无关系的,不相干的 | |
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44 maxim | |
n.格言,箴言 | |
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45 colossal | |
adj.异常的,庞大的 | |
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46 etymological | |
adj.语源的,根据语源学的 | |
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47 ERECTED | |
adj. 直立的,竖立的,笔直的 vt. 使 ... 直立,建立 | |
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48 paramount | |
a.最重要的,最高权力的 | |
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49 laborious | |
adj.吃力的,努力的,不流畅 | |
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50 immutable | |
adj.不可改变的,永恒的 | |
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51 synthetical | |
adj.综合的,合成的 | |
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52 aggravated | |
使恶化( aggravate的过去式和过去分词 ); 使更严重; 激怒; 使恼火 | |
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53 turpitude | |
n.可耻;邪恶 | |
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54 humble | |
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
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55 superstitious | |
adj.迷信的 | |
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56 presentiment | |
n.预感,预觉 | |
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57 benevolent | |
adj.仁慈的,乐善好施的 | |
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58 scotch | |
n.伤口,刻痕;苏格兰威士忌酒;v.粉碎,消灭,阻止;adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
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59 hospitable | |
adj.好客的;宽容的;有利的,适宜的 | |
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60 wink | |
n.眨眼,使眼色,瞬间;v.眨眼,使眼色,闪烁 | |
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61 eyelids | |
n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 );眼睛也不眨一下;不露声色;面不改色 | |
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62 bug | |
n.虫子;故障;窃听器;vt.纠缠;装窃听器 | |
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63 isle | |
n.小岛,岛 | |
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64 tilt | |
v.(使)倾侧;(使)倾斜;n.倾侧;倾斜 | |
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65 illuminated | |
adj.被照明的;受启迪的 | |
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66 penetrates | |
v.穿过( penetrate的第三人称单数 );刺入;了解;渗透 | |
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67 illicit | |
adj.非法的,禁止的,不正当的 | |
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68 distillation | |
n.蒸馏,蒸馏法 | |
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69 excise | |
n.(国产)货物税;vt.切除,删去 | |
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70 regiment | |
n.团,多数,管理;v.组织,编成团,统制 | |
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71 providence | |
n.深谋远虑,天道,天意;远见;节约;上帝 | |
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72 nether | |
adj.下部的,下面的;n.阴间;下层社会 | |
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73 fable | |
n.寓言;童话;神话 | |
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74 expatiated | |
v.详述,细说( expatiate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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75 triumphantly | |
ad.得意洋洋地;得胜地;成功地 | |
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76 remains | |
n.剩余物,残留物;遗体,遗迹 | |
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77 bishop | |
n.主教,(国际象棋)象 | |
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78 curry | |
n.咖哩粉,咖哩饭菜;v.用咖哩粉调味,用马栉梳,制革 | |
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79 bungalows | |
n.平房( bungalow的名词复数 );单层小屋,多于一层的小屋 | |
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80 disinterestedly | |
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81 orchard | |
n.果园,果园里的全部果树,(美俚)棒球场 | |
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82 orchards | |
(通常指围起来的)果园( orchard的名词复数 ) | |
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83 impunity | |
n.(惩罚、损失、伤害等的)免除 | |
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84 bough | |
n.大树枝,主枝 | |
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85 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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86 pickpocket | |
n.扒手;v.扒窃 | |
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