And sorry I was that I got him;
It came to a run,
And a man with a gun
Pepper’d me when he ought to have shot him.
[Pg 193]
My profits have gone to the dogs,
My trade has been such a deceiver,
I fear that my aim
Is a mere1 losing game,
Unless I can find a Retriever.
THE KANGAROOS.
A FABLE2.
A PAIR of married kangaroos
(The case is oft a human one too)
Were greatly puzzled once to choose
A trade to put their eldest3 son to:
A little brisk and busy chap,
As all the little K.’s just then are—
About some two months off the lap,—
They’re not so long in arms as men are.
A twist in each parental4 muzzle5
Betray’d the hardship of the puzzle—
So much the flavour of life’s cup
Is framed by early wrong or right,
And Kangaroos we know are quite
Dependent on their “rearing up.”
The question, with its ins and outs,
Was intricate and full of doubts;
And yet they had no squeamish carings
For trades unfit or fit for gentry6,
Such notion never had an entry,
For they had no armorial bearings.
Howbeit they’re not the last on earth
That might indulge in pride of birth;
[Pg 194]
Whoe’er has seen their infant young
Bob in and out their mother’s pokes7,
Would own, with very ready tongue,
They are not born like common folks.
Well, thus the serious subject stood,
It kept the old pair watchful8 nightly,
Debating for young hopeful’s good,
That he might earn his livelihood9,
And go through life (like them) uprightly.
Arms would not do at all; no, marry,
In that line all his race miscarry;
And agriculture was not proper,
Unless they meant the lad to tarry
For ever as a mere clod-hopper.
He was not well cut out for preaching,
At least in any striking style;
And as for being mercantile—
He was not form’d for over-reaching.
The law—why there still fate ill-starr’d him,
And plainly from the bar debarr’d him:
A doctor—who would ever fee him?
In music he could scarce engage,
And as for going on the stage
In tragic10 socks I think I see him!
He would not make a rigging-mounter;
A haberdasher had some merit,
But there the counter still ran counter,
For just suppose
A lady chose
To ask him for a yard of ferret!
A gardener digging up his beds,
The puzzled parents shook their heads.
[Pg 195]
“A tailor would not do because—”
They paused and glanced upon his paws.
Some parish post, though fate should place it
Before him, how could he embrace it?
In short each anxious Kangaroo
Discuss’d the matter through and through;
By day they seem’d to get no nearer,
’Twas posing quite—
And in the night
Of course they saw their way no clearer!
At last thus musing12 on their knees—
Or hinder elbows if you please—
It came—no thought was ever brighter!
In weighing every why and whether,
They jump’d upon it both together—
“Let’s make the imp13 a short-hand writer!”
MORAL.
I wish all human parents so
Would argue what their sons are fit for;
Some would-be critics that I know
Would be in trades they have more wit for.
LITERARY REMINISCENCES.
No. II.
TO do justice to the climate of “stout and original Scotland,” it promised to act kindly14 by the constitution committed to its care. The air evidently agreed with the natives; and auld15 Robin16 Grays and John Andersons were plenty as blackberries, and Auld Lang Syne17 himself seemed to walk, bonneted18, amongst
[Pg 196]
these patriarchal figures in the likeness19 of an old man covered with a mantle20. The effect on myself was rather curious—for I seemed to have come amongst a generation that scarcely belonged to my era; mature spinsters, waning21 bachelors, very motherly matrons, and experienced fathers, that I should have set down as uncles and aunts, called themselves my cousins; reverend personages, apparently22 grandfathers and grandmothers, were simply great uncles and aunts: and finally I enjoyed an interview with a relative oftener heard of traditionally, than encountered in the body—a great-great grandmother—still a tall woman and a tolerable pedestrian, going indeed down the hill, but with the wheel well locked. It was like coming amongst the Struldbrugs; and truly, for any knowledge to the contrary, many of these Old Mortalities are still living, enjoying their sneeshing, their toddy, their cracks, and particular reminiscences. The very phrase of being “Scotch23’d, but not killed,” seems to refer to this Caledonian tenacity24 of life, of which the well-known Walking Stewart was an example: he was an annuitant in the County-office, and as the actuaries would say, died very hard. It must be difficult for the teatotallers to reconcile this longevity25 with the imputed26 enormous consumption of ardent27 spirits beyond the Tweed. Scotia, according to the evidence of Mr. Buckingham’s committee, is an especially drouthie bodie, who drinks whiskey at christenings, and at buryings, and on all possible occasions besides. Her sons drink not by the hour or by the day, but by the week,—witness Souter Johnny:—
“Tam lo’ed him like a vera brither,
They had been fou for weeks thegither.”
Swallowing no thin washy potation, but a strong overproof spirit, with a smack28 of smoke—and “where there is smoke there is fire,” yet without flashing off, according to temperance theories, by spontaneous combustion29. On the contrary, the canny30 northerns are noted31 for soundness of constitution and clearness
[Pg 197]
of head, with such a strong principle of vitality32 as to justify33 the poetical34 prediction of C***, that the world’s longest liver, or Last Man, will be a Scotchman.
All these favourable35 signs I duly noted; and prophetically refrained from delivering the letter of introduction to Doctor C——, which was to place me under his medical care. As the sick man said, when he went into the gin-shop instead of the hospital, I “trusted to natur.” Whenever the weather permitted, therefore, which was generally when there were no new books to the fore11, I haunted the banks and braes, or paid flying visits to the burns, with a rod intended to punish that rising generation amongst fishes called trout36. But I whipped in vain. Trout there were in plenty, but like obstinate37 double teeth, with a bad operator, they would neither be pulled out nor come out of themselves. Still the sport, if so it might be called, had its own attractions, as, the catching38 excepted, the whole of the Waltonish enjoyments39 were at my command, the contemplative quiet, the sweet wholesome41 country air, and the picturesque42 scenery—not to forget the relishing43 the homely44 repast at the shealing or the mill; sometimes I went alone, but often we were a company, and then we had for our attendant a journeyman tobacco-spinner, an original, and literary withal, for he had a reel in his head, whence ever and anon he unwound a line of Allan Ramsay, or Beattie, or Burns. Methinks I still listen, trudging45 homewards in the gloaming, to the recitation of that appropriate stanza47, beginning—
“At the close of the day when the hamlet was still,”
delivered with a gusto perhaps only to be felt by a day-labouring mechanic, who had “nothing but his evenings to himself.” Methinks I still sympathise with the zest48 with which he dwelt on the pastoral images and dreams so rarely realised, when a chance holiday gave him the fresh-breathing fragrance49 of the
[Pg 198]
living flower in lieu of the stale odour of the Indian weed; and philosophically50 I can now understand why poetry, with its lofty aspirations51 and sublimed52 feelings, seemed to sound so gratefully to the ear from the lips of a “squire of low degree.” There is something painful and humiliating to humanity in the abjectness53 of mind, that too often accompanies the sordid54 condition of the working classes; whereas it is soothing55 and consolatory56 to find the mind of the poor man rising superior to his estate, and compensating57 by intellectual enjoyment40 for the physical pains and privation that belong to his humble58 lot. Whatever raises him above the level of the ox in the garner59, or the horse in the mill, ought to be acceptable to the pride, if not to the charity, of the fellow creature that calls him brother; for instance, music and dancing, but against which innocent unbendings some of our magistracy persist in setting their faces, as if resolved that a low neighbourhood should enjoy no dance but St. Vitus’s, and no fiddle60 but the Scotch.
To these open-air pursuits, sailing was afterwards added, bringing me acquainted with the boatmen and fishermen of The Craig, a hardy61 race, rough and ready-witted, from whom perchance was first derived63 my partiality for all marine64 bipeds and sea-craft, from Flag Admirals down to Jack65 Junk, the proud first-rate to the humble boatie that “wins the bairns’ bread.” The Tay at Dundee is a broad noble river, with a racing66 tide, which, when it differs with a contrary wind, will get up “jars” (Anglicè waves) quite equal to those of a family manufacture. It was at least a good preparatory school for learning the rudiments67 of boat craft; whereof I acquired enough to be able at need to take the helm without either going too near the wind or too distant from the port. Not without some boyish pride I occasionally found myself intrusted with the guidance of the Coach-Boat—so called from its carrying the passengers by the Edinburgh Mail—particularly in a calm, when the utmost exertions68
[Pg 199]
of the crew, four old man-of-war’s-men, were required at the oars70. It not unfrequently happened, however, that “the laddie” was unceremoniously ousted71 by the unanimous vote, and sometimes by the united strength, of the ladies, who invariably pitched upon the oldest old gentleman in the vessel72 to
“Steer her up and haud her gaun.”
The consequence being the landing with all the baggage, some half-mile above or below the town—and a too late conviction, that the Elder Brethren of our Trinity House were not the best Pilots.
It was during one of these brief voyages, that I witnessed a serio-comic accident, at which the reader will smile or sigh according to his connexion with the Corporation of London. I forget on what unconscious pilgrimage it was bound, but amongst the other passengers one day, there was that stock-dove of a gourmand’s affection, a five lively turtle. Rich and rare as it was, it did not travel unprotected like Moore’s heroine, but was under the care of a vigilant73 guardian74, who seemed as jealous of the eyes that looked amorously75 at his charge, as if the latter had been a ward46 in Chancery. So far—namely, as far as the middle of the Tay—so good; when the spirit of mischief76, or curiosity, or humanity, suggested the convenience of a sea-bath, and the refreshment77 the creature might derive62 from a taste of its native element. Accordingly, Testudo was lifted over the side, and indulged with a dip and a wallop in the wave, which actually revived it so powerfully, that from a playful flapping with its fore-fins it soon began to struggle most vigorously, like a giant refreshed with brine. In fact, it paddled with a power which, added to its weight, left no alternative to its guardian but to go with it, or without it. The event soon came off. The man tumbled backward into the boat, and the turtle plunged78 forward into the deep. There was a splash—a momentary79 glimpse of
[Pg 200]
the broad back-shell—the waters closed, and all was over—or at least under! In vain one of the boatmen aimed a lunge with his boat-hook, at the fatal spot in particular—in vain another made a blow with his oar69 at the Tay in general—whilst a third, in his confusion, heaved a coil of rope, as he would, could, should, might, or ought to have done to a drowning Christian80. The Amphibious was beyond their reach, and no doubt, making westward81 and homeward with all its might, with an instinctive82 feeling that
“The world was all before it where to choose
Its place of rest, and Providence83 its guide.”
Never shall I forget, whilst capable of reminiscences, the face of that mourning mate thus suddenly bereaved84 of his turtle! The unfortunate shepherd, Ding-dog, in Rabelais, could hardly have looked more utterly85 and unutterably dozed86, crazed, mizmazed, and flabbergasted, when his whole flock and stock of golden-fleeced sheep suicidically sheepwashed themselves to death, by wilfully87 leaping over-board! He said little in words, but more eloquently88 clapped his hands to his waistcoat, as if the loss, as the nurses say, had literally89 “flown to his stomach.” And truly, after promising90 it both callipash and callipee, with the delicious green fat to boot, what cold comfort could well be colder than the miserable91 chilling reflection that there was
“Cauld kail in Aberdeen?”
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1
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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fable
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| n.寓言；童话；神话 | |
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eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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4
parental
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| adj.父母的；父的；母的 | |
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5
muzzle
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| n.鼻口部；口套；枪(炮)口；vt.使缄默 | |
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gentry
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| n.绅士阶级，上层阶级 | |
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7
pokes
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| v.伸出( poke的第三人称单数 )；戳出；拨弄；与（某人）性交 | |
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8
watchful
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| adj.注意的，警惕的 | |
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livelihood
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| n.生计，谋生之道 | |
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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11
fore
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| adv.在前面；adj.先前的；在前部的；n.前部 | |
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12
musing
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| n. 沉思，冥想 adj. 沉思的, 冥想的 动词muse的现在分词形式 | |
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13
imp
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| n.顽童 | |
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14
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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15
auld
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| adj.老的，旧的 | |
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16
robin
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| n.知更鸟，红襟鸟 | |
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17
syne
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| adv.自彼时至此时，曾经 | |
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18
bonneted
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| 发动机前置的 | |
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19
likeness
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| n.相像，相似（之处） | |
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20
mantle
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| n.斗篷，覆罩之物，罩子；v.罩住，覆盖，脸红 | |
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21
waning
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| adj.（月亮）渐亏的，逐渐减弱或变小的n.月亏v.衰落( wane的现在分词 )；（月）亏；变小；变暗淡 | |
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22
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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23
scotch
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| n.伤口，刻痕；苏格兰威士忌酒；v.粉碎，消灭，阻止；adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
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24
tenacity
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| n.坚韧 | |
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25
longevity
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| n.长命；长寿 | |
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26
imputed
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| v.把（错误等）归咎于( impute的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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27
ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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28
smack
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| vt.拍，打，掴；咂嘴；vi.含有…意味；n.拍 | |
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29
combustion
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| n.燃烧；氧化；骚动 | |
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30
canny
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| adj.谨慎的，节俭的 | |
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31
noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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32
vitality
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| n.活力，生命力，效力 | |
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33
justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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34
poetical
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| adj.似诗人的；诗一般的；韵文的；富有诗意的 | |
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35
favourable
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| adj.赞成的，称赞的，有利的，良好的，顺利的 | |
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36
trout
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| n.鳟鱼；鲑鱼(属) | |
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37
obstinate
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| adj.顽固的，倔强的，不易屈服的，较难治愈的 | |
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38
catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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39
enjoyments
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| 愉快( enjoyment的名词复数 )； 令人愉快的事物； 享有； 享受 | |
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40
enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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41
wholesome
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| adj.适合；卫生的；有益健康的；显示身心健康的 | |
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42
picturesque
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| adj.美丽如画的，（语言）生动的，绘声绘色的 | |
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43
relishing
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| v.欣赏( relish的现在分词 )；从…获得乐趣；渴望 | |
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44
homely
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| adj.家常的，简朴的；不漂亮的 | |
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45
trudging
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| vt.& vi.跋涉，吃力地走（trudge的现在分词形式） | |
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46
ward
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| n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开 | |
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47
stanza
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| n.（诗）节，段 | |
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48
zest
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| n.乐趣；滋味，风味；兴趣 | |
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49
fragrance
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| n.芬芳，香味，香气 | |
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50
philosophically
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| adv.哲学上；富有哲理性地；贤明地；冷静地 | |
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51
aspirations
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| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
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52
sublimed
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| 伟大的( sublime的过去式和过去分词 )； 令人赞叹的； 极端的； 不顾后果的 | |
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53
abjectness
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| 凄惨； 绝望； 卑鄙； 卑劣 | |
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sordid
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| adj.肮脏的，不干净的，卑鄙的，暗淡的 | |
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55
soothing
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| adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的 | |
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56
consolatory
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| adj.慰问的，可藉慰的 | |
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57
compensating
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| 补偿，补助，修正 | |
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58
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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59
garner
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| v.收藏；取得 | |
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60
fiddle
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| n.小提琴；vi.拉提琴；不停拨弄，乱动 | |
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hardy
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| adj.勇敢的，果断的，吃苦的；耐寒的 | |
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derive
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| v.取得；导出；引申；来自；源自；出自 | |
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derived
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| vi.起源；由来；衍生；导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取 | |
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64
marine
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| adj.海的；海生的；航海的；海事的；n.水兵 | |
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65
jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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66
racing
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| n.竞赛，赛马；adj.竞赛用的，赛马用的 | |
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rudiments
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| n.基础知识，入门 | |
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68
exertions
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| n.努力( exertion的名词复数 )；费力；（能力、权力等的）运用；行使 | |
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69
oar
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| n.桨，橹，划手；v.划行 | |
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70
oars
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| n.桨，橹( oar的名词复数 )；划手v.划（行）( oar的第三人称单数 ) | |
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71
ousted
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| 驱逐( oust的过去式和过去分词 )； 革职； 罢黜； 剥夺 | |
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72
vessel
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| n.船舶；容器，器皿；管，导管，血管 | |
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73
vigilant
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| adj.警觉的，警戒的，警惕的 | |
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74
guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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75
amorously
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| adv.好色地，妖艳地；脉；脉脉；眽眽 | |
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76
mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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77
refreshment
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| n.恢复，精神爽快，提神之事物；（复数）refreshments:点心，茶点 | |
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78
plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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79
momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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80
Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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81
westward
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| n.西方，西部；adj.西方的，向西的；adv.向西 | |
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82
instinctive
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| adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的 | |
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83
providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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84
bereaved
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| adj.刚刚丧失亲人的v.使失去（希望、生命等）( bereave的过去式和过去分词)；（尤指死亡）使丧失（亲人、朋友等）；使孤寂；抢走（财物） | |
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85
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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86
dozed
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| v.打盹儿，打瞌睡( doze的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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87
wilfully
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| adv.任性固执地；蓄意地 | |
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88
eloquently
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| adv. 雄辩地(有口才地, 富于表情地) | |
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89
literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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90
promising
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| adj.有希望的，有前途的 | |
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91
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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