A MINOR CANON.

I CANNOT BEAR A GUN.
“Timidity is generally reckoned an essential attribute of the fair sex, and this absurd notion gives rise to more false starts than a race for the Leger. Hence screams at mice, fits at spiders, faces at toads¹, jumps at lizards², flights from daddy longlegs, panics at wasps³, sauve qui peut at sight of a gun. Surely, when the military exercise is made a branch of education at so many ladies’ academies, the use of the musket⁴ would only be a judicious⁵ step further in the march of mind. I should not despair, in a month’s practice, of making the most timid British female fond of small-arms.”—HINTS BY A CORPORAL.
IT can’t be minced⁶, I’m quite convinced
All girls are full of flam,
Their feelings fine and feminine
Are nothing else but sham⁷.
On all their tricks I need not fix,
I’ll only mention one,
How many a Miss will tell you this,
“I cannot bear a gun!”
[Pg 253]
There’s cousin Bell can’t ’bide the smell
Of powder—horrid⁸ stuff!
A single pop will make her drop,
She shudders⁹ at a puff¹⁰.
My Manton near, with aspen fear
Will make her scream and run:
“It’s always so, you brute¹¹, you know
I cannot bear a gun!”
About my flask¹³ I must not ask,
I must not wear a belt,
I must not take a punch to make
My pellets, card or felt;
And if I just allude¹⁴ to dust,
Or speak of number one,
“I beg you’ll not—don’t talk of shot,
I cannot bear a gun!”
Percussion¹⁵ cap I dare not snap,
I may not mention Hall,
Or raise my voice for Mr. Joyce,
His wadding to recall;
At Hawker’s book I must not look,
All shooting I must shun¹⁶,
Or else—“It’s hard, you’ve no regard,
I cannot bear a gun!”
The very dress I wear no less
Must suit her timid mind,
A blue or black must clothe my back,
With swallow-tails behind;
By fustian¹⁷, jean, or velveteen,
Her nerves are overdone¹⁸:
“Oh do not, John, put gaiters on,
I cannot bear a gun!”
[Pg 254]
E’en little James she snubs, and blames
His Liliputian train,
Two inches each from mouth to breach¹⁹,
And charged with half a grain—
His crackers²⁰ stopp’d, his squibbing dropp’d.
He has no fiery²¹ fun,
And all thro’ her “How dare you, Sir?
I cannot bear a gun!”
 
“JAMES’S POWDER.”
Yet Major Flint,—the Devil’s in’t!
May talk from morn to night,
Of springing mines, and twelves and nines,
And volleys left and right,
Of voltigeurs and tirailleurs,
And bullets by the ton:
She never dies of fright, or cries
“I cannot bear a gun!”
[Pg 255]
It stirs my bile to see her smile
At all his bang and whiz,
But if I talk of morning walk,
And shots as good as his,
I must not name the fallen game:
As soon as I’ve begun,
She’s in her pout²², and crying out,
“I cannot bear a gun!”
Yet, underneath²³ the rose, her teeth
Are false, to match her tongue:
Grouse²⁴, partridge, hares, she never spares,
Or pheasants, old or young—
On widgeon, teal, she makes a meal,
And yet objects to none:
“What have I got, it’s full of shot!
I cannot bear a gun!”
At pigeon-pie she is not shy,
Her taste it never shocks,
Though they should be from Battersea,
So famous for blue rocks;
Yet when I bring the very thing
My marksmanship has won,
She cries “Lock up that horrid cup,
I cannot bear a gun!”
Like fool and dunce I got her once
A box at Drury Lane,
And by her side I felt a pride
I ne’er shall feel again:
To read the bill it made her ill,
And this excuse she spun²⁵,
“Der Freyschütz, oh, seven shots; you know,
I cannot bear a gun!”
[Pg 256]
Yet at a hint from Major Flint,
Her very hands she rubs,
And quickly drest in all her best,
Is off to Wormwood Scrubbs.
The whole review she sits it through,
With noise enough to stun²⁶,
And never winks²⁷, or even thinks,
“I cannot bear a gun!”
 
WOOLWICH WARREN.
She thus may blind the Major’s mind
In mock-heroic strife²⁸,
But let a bout¹² at war break out,
And where’s the soldier’s wife,
To take his kit²⁹ and march a bit
Beneath a broiling³⁰ sun?
Or will she cry, “My dear, good-bye,
I cannot bear a gun?”
[Pg 257]
If thus she doats on army coats,
And regimental cuffs³¹,
The yeomanry might surely be
Secure from her rebuffs;
But when I don my trappings on,
To follow Captain Dunn,
My carbine’s gleam provokes a scream,
“I cannot bear a gun.”
It can’t be minced, I’m quite convinced,
All girls are full of flam,
Their feelings fine, and feminine,
Are nothing else but sham;
On all their tricks I need not fix,
I’ll only mention one,
How many a Miss will tell you this,
“I cannot bear a gun!”
TRIMMER’S EXERCISE,
FOR THE USE OF CHILDREN.
Here, come, Master Timothy Todd,
Before we have done you’ll look grimmer,
You’ve been spelling some time for the rod,
And your jacket shall know I’m a Trimmer.
You don’t know your A from your B,
So backward you are in your Primer;
Don’t kneel—you shall go on my knee,
For I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.
This morning you hinder’d the cook,
By melting your dumps in the skimmer;
Instead of attending your book,—
But I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.
[Pg 258]
To-day, too, you went to the pond,
And bathed, though you are not a swimmer:
And with parents so doting³² and fond—
But I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.
After dinner you went to the wine,
And help’d yourself—yes, to a brimmer;
You couldn’t walk straight in a line,
But I’ll make you to know I’m a Trimmer.
 
FANCY PORTRAIT—MRS. TRIMMER.
You kick little Tomkins about,
Because he is slighter and slimmer;
Are the weak to be thump’d by the stout³³?
But I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.
Then you have a sly pilfering³⁴ trick,
Your school-fellows call you the nimmer,—
I will cut to the bone if you kick!
For I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.
[Pg 259]
To-day you made game at my back:
You think that my eyes are grown dimmer,
But I watch’d you, I’ve got a sly knack³⁵!
And I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.
Don’t think that my temper is hot,
It’s never beyond a slow simmer;
I’ll teach you to call me Dame³⁶ Trot³⁷,
But I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.
Miss Edgeworth, or Mrs. Chapone,
Might melt to behold³⁸ your tears glimmer³⁹;
Mrs. Barbauld would let you alone,
But I’ll have you to know I’m a Trimmer.

1 toads   

n.蟾蜍，癞蛤蟆( toad的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• All toads blink when they swallow. 所有的癞蛤蟆吞食东西时都会眨眼皮。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Toads have shorter legs and are generally more clumsy than frogs. 蟾蜍比青蛙脚短，一般说来没有青蛙灵活。 来自辞典例句

2 lizards   

n.蜥蜴( lizard的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Nothing lives in Pompeii except crickets and beetles and lizards. 在庞培城里除了蟋蟀、甲壳虫和蜥蜴外，没有别的生物。 来自辞典例句
• Can lizards reproduce their tails? 蜥蜴的尾巴断了以后能再生吗？ 来自辞典例句

3 wasps   

黄蜂( wasp的名词复数 )； 胡蜂； 易动怒的人； 刻毒的人

参考例句：

• There's a wasps' nest in that old tree. 那棵老树上有一个黄蜂巢。
• We live in dread not only of unpleasant insects like spiders or wasps, but of quite harmless ones like moths. 我们不仅生活在对象蜘蛛或黄蜂这样的小虫的惧怕中，而且生活在对诸如飞蛾这样无害昆虫的惧怕中

4 musket   

n.滑膛枪

参考例句：

• I hunted with a musket two years ago.两年前我用滑膛枪打猎。
• So some seconds passed,till suddenly Joyce whipped up his musket and fired.又过了几秒钟，突然，乔伊斯端起枪来开了火。

5 judicious   

adj.明智的，明断的，能作出明智决定的

参考例句：

• We should listen to the judicious opinion of that old man.我们应该听取那位老人明智的意见。
• A judicious parent encourages his children to make their own decisions.贤明的父亲鼓励儿女自作抉择。

6 minced   

v.切碎( mince的过去式和过去分词 )；剁碎；绞碎；用绞肉机绞（食物，尤指肉）

参考例句：

• He minced over to serve us. 他迈着碎步过来招待我们。
• A young fop minced up to George and introduced himself. 一个花花公子扭扭捏捏地走到乔治面前并作了自我介绍。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 sham   

n./adj.假冒(的)，虚伪(的)

参考例句：

• They cunningly played the game of sham peace.他们狡滑地玩弄假和平的把戏。
• His love was a mere sham.他的爱情是虚假的。

8 horrid   

adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的

参考例句：

• I'm not going to the horrid dinner party.我不打算去参加这次讨厌的宴会。
• The medicine is horrid and she couldn't get it down.这种药很难吃，她咽不下去。

9 shudders   

n.颤动，打颤，战栗( shudder的名词复数 )v.战栗( shudder的第三人称单数 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动

参考例句：

• It gives me the shudders. （（口语））它使我战栗。 来自辞典例句
• The ghastly sight gave him the shudders. 那恐怖的景象使他感到恐惧。 来自辞典例句

10 puff   

n.一口(气)；一阵(风)；v.喷气，喘气

参考例句：

• He took a puff at his cigarette.他吸了一口香烟。
• They tried their best to puff the book they published.他们尽力吹捧他们出版的书。

11 brute   

n.野兽，兽性

参考例句：

• The aggressor troops are not many degrees removed from the brute.侵略军简直象一群野兽。
• That dog is a dangerous brute.It bites people.那条狗是危险的畜牲，它咬人。

12 bout   

n.侵袭，发作；一次(阵，回)；拳击等比赛

参考例句：

• I was suffering with a bout of nerves.我感到一阵紧张。
• That bout of pneumonia enfeebled her.那次肺炎的发作使她虚弱了。

13 flask   

n.瓶，火药筒，砂箱

参考例句：

• There is some deposit in the bottom of the flask.这只烧杯的底部有些沉淀物。
• He took out a metal flask from a canvas bag.他从帆布包里拿出一个金属瓶子。

14 allude   

v.提及，暗指

参考例句：

• Many passages in Scripture allude to this concept.圣经中有许多经文间接地提到这样的概念。
• She also alluded to her rival's past marital troubles.她还影射了对手过去的婚姻问题。

15 percussion   

n.打击乐器；冲突，撞击；震动，音响

参考例句：

• In an orchestra,people who play percussion instruments sit at the back.在管弦乐队中，演奏打击乐器的人会坐在后面。
• Percussion of the abdomen is often omitted.腹部叩诊常被省略。

16 shun   

vt.避开，回避，避免

参考例句：

• Materialists face truth,whereas idealists shun it.唯物主义者面向真理，唯心主义者则逃避真理。
• This extremist organization has shunned conventional politics.这个极端主义组织有意避开了传统政治。

17 fustian   

n.浮夸的；厚粗棉布

参考例句：

• Fustian can't disguise the author's meager plot.浮夸的文章掩饰不住这个作者的贫乏情节。
• His fustian shirt,sanguineflowered,trembles its Spanish tassels at his secrets.他身上穿的是件印有血红色大花的粗斜纹布衬衫，每当他吐露秘密时，西班牙式的流苏就颤悠。

18 overdone   

v.做得过分( overdo的过去分词 )；太夸张；把…煮得太久；（工作等）过度

参考例句：

• The lust of men must not be overdone. 人们的欲望不该过分。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• The joke is overdone. 玩笑开得过火。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

19 breach   

n.违反，不履行；破裂；vt.冲破，攻破

参考例句：

• We won't have any breach of discipline.我们不允许任何破坏纪律的现象。
• He was sued for breach of contract.他因不履行合同而被起诉。

20 crackers   

adj.精神错乱的，癫狂的n.爆竹( cracker的名词复数 )；薄脆饼干；（认为）十分愉快的事；迷人的姑娘

参考例句：

• That noise is driving me crackers. 那噪声闹得我简直要疯了。
• We served some crackers and cheese as an appetiser. 我们上了些饼干和奶酪作为开胃品。 来自《简明英汉词典》

21 fiery   

adj.燃烧着的，火红的；暴躁的；激烈的

参考例句：

• She has fiery red hair.她有一头火红的头发。
• His fiery speech agitated the crowd.他热情洋溢的讲话激动了群众。

22 pout   

v.撅嘴；绷脸；n.撅嘴；生气，不高兴

参考例句：

• She looked at her lover with a pretentious pout.她看着恋人，故作不悦地撅着嘴。
• He whined and pouted when he did not get what he wanted.他要是没得到想要的东西就会发牢骚、撅嘴。

23 underneath   

adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面

参考例句：

• Working underneath the car is always a messy job.在汽车底下工作是件脏活。
• She wore a coat with a dress underneath.她穿着一件大衣，里面套着一条连衣裙。

24 grouse   

n.松鸡；v.牢骚，诉苦

参考例句：

• They're shooting grouse up on the moors.他们在荒野射猎松鸡。
• If you don't agree with me,please forget my grouse.如果你的看法不同，请不必介意我的牢骚之言。

25 spun   

v.纺，杜撰，急转身

参考例句：

• His grandmother spun him a yarn at the fire.他奶奶在火炉边给他讲故事。
• Her skilful fingers spun the wool out to a fine thread.她那灵巧的手指把羊毛纺成了细毛线。

26 stun   

vt.打昏，使昏迷，使震惊，使惊叹

参考例句：

• When they told me she had gone missing I was totally stunned.他们告诉我她不见了时，我当时完全惊呆了。
• Sam stood his ground and got a blow that stunned him.萨姆站在原地，被一下打昏了。

27 winks   

v.使眼色( wink的第三人称单数 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮

参考例句：

• I'll feel much better when I've had forty winks. 我打个盹就会感到好得多。
• The planes were little silver winks way out to the west. 飞机在西边老远的地方，看上去只是些很小的银色光点。 来自辞典例句

28 strife   

n.争吵，冲突，倾轧，竞争

参考例句：

• We do not intend to be drawn into the internal strife.我们不想卷入内乱之中。
• Money is a major cause of strife in many marriages.金钱是造成很多婚姻不和的一个主要原因。

29 kit   

n.用具包，成套工具；随身携带物

参考例句：

• The kit consisted of about twenty cosmetic items.整套工具包括大约20种化妆用品。
• The captain wants to inspect your kit.船长想检查你的行装。

30 broiling   

adj.酷热的，炽热的，似烧的v.（用火）烤（焙、炙等）( broil的现在分词 )；使卷入争吵；使混乱；被烤（或炙）

参考例句：

• They lay broiling in the sun. 他们躺在太阳底下几乎要晒熟了。
• I'm broiling in this hot sun. 在太阳底下，我感到热极了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

31 cuffs   

n.袖口( cuff的名词复数 )v.掌打，拳打( cuff的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• a collar and cuffs of white lace 带白色蕾丝花边的衣领和袖口
• The cuffs of his shirt were fraying. 他衬衣的袖口磨破了。

32 doting   

adj.溺爱的，宠爱的

参考例句：

• His doting parents bought him his first racing bike at 13.宠爱他的父母在他13岁时就给他买了第一辆竞速自行车。
• The doting husband catered to his wife's every wish.这位宠爱妻子的丈夫总是高度满足太太的各项要求。

34 pilfering   

v.偷窃（小东西），小偷( pilfer的现在分词 )；偷窃（一般指小偷小摸）

参考例句：

• He was caught pilfering. 他行窃时被抓个正着。
• Pilfering has stopped entirely since they put Angus in charge of the stores. 自从他们让安格斯掌管商店以来，小偷小摸就杜绝了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

35 knack   

n.诀窍，做事情的灵巧的，便利的方法

参考例句：

• He has a knack of teaching arithmetic.他教算术有诀窍。
• Making omelettes isn't difficult,but there's a knack to it.做煎蛋饼并不难，但有窍门。

36 dame   

n.女士

参考例句：

• The dame tell of her experience as a wife and mother.这位年长妇女讲了她作妻子和母亲的经验。
• If you stick around,you'll have to marry that dame.如果再逗留多一会，你就要跟那个夫人结婚。

37 trot   

n.疾走，慢跑；n.老太婆；现成译本；(复数）trots:腹泻（与the 连用）；v.小跑，快步走，赶紧

参考例句：

• They passed me at a trot.他们从我身边快步走过。
• The horse broke into a brisk trot.马突然快步小跑起来。

38 behold   

v.看，注视，看到

参考例句：

• The industry of these little ants is wonderful to behold.这些小蚂蚁辛勤劳动的样子看上去真令人惊叹。
• The sunrise at the seaside was quite a sight to behold.海滨日出真是个奇景。

39 glimmer   

v.发出闪烁的微光；n.微光，微弱的闪光

参考例句：

• I looked at her and felt a glimmer of hope.我注视她，感到了一线希望。
• A glimmer of amusement showed in her eyes.她的眼中露出一丝笑意。