CHAPTER XVIII

 THE ASTHMATIC OLD GENTLEMAN AND HIS RIDDLES²—I PLAY TRUANT³ AGAIN—IN THE BIG GARDEN

It was perhaps partly because, like most only children, I was accustomed to be with grown-up people, that I liked the way in which Mr. Andrewes treated me, and resented the very different style of another friend of my father, who always bantered⁵ me in a playful, nonsensical fashion, which he deemed suitable to my years.

 

The friend in question was an old gentleman, and a very benevolent⁶ one. I think he was fond of children, and I am sure he was kind.

 

He never came without giving me half-a-guinea before he left, generally slipping it down the back of my neck, or hiding it under my plate at dinner, or burying it in an orange. He had a whole store of funny tricks, which would have amused and pleased me if I might have enjoyed them in peace. But he never ceased teasing me, and playing practical jokes on me. And the worst of it was, he teased Rubens also.

 

Mr. Andrewes often afterwards told of the day when I walked into the Rectory—my indignant air, he vowed⁷, faithfully copied by the dog at my heels, and without preface began:

 

"I know I ought to forgive them that trespass[140] against us, but I can't. He put cayenne pepper on to Rubens' nose."

 

In justice to ourselves, I must say that neither Rubens nor I bore malice⁸ on this point, but it added to the anxiety which I always felt to get out of the old gentleman's way.

 

By him I was put through those riddles which puzzle all childish brains in turn: "If a herring and a half cost threehalfpence," etc. And if I successfully accomplished⁹ this calculation, I was tripped up by the unfair problem, "If your grate is of such and such dimensions, what will the coals come to?" I can hear his voice now (hoarse from a combination of asthma¹ and snuff-taking) as he poked¹⁰ me jocosely¹¹ but unmercifully "under the fifth rib¹²," as he called it, crying—

 

"Ashes! my little man. D'ye see? Ashes! Ashes!"

 

After which he took more snuff, and nearly choked himself with laughing at my chagrin¹³.

 

Greatly was Nurse Bundle puzzled that night, when I stood, ready for bed, fumbling¹⁴ with both hands under my nightshirt, and an expression of face becoming a surgeon conducting a capital operation.

 

"Bless the dear boy!" she cried. "What are you doing to yourself, my dear?"

 

"How does he know which is the fifth rib?" I almost howled in my vexation. "I don't believe it was the fifth rib! I wish I hadn't a fifth rib! I wish I might hurt his fifth rib!"

 

I think the old gentleman would have choked with laughter if he could have seen and heard me.

 

One day, to my father's horror, I candidly¹⁵ remarked,[141]

 

"It always makes me think of the first of April, sir, when you're here."

 

I did not mean to be rude. It was simply true that the succession of "sells" and practical jokes of which Rubens and I were the victims during his visits did recall the tricks supposed to be sacred to the Festival of All Fools.

 

To do the old gentleman justice, he heartily¹⁶ enjoyed the joke at his own expense; laughed and took snuff in extra proportions, and gave me a whole guinea instead of half a one, saying that I should go to live with him in Fools' Paradise, where little pigs ran about ready roasted with knives and forks in their backs; adding more banter⁴ and nonsense of the same kind, to the utter bewilderment of my brain.

 

He was the occasion of my playing truant to the Rectory a second time. Once, when he was expected, I took my nightshirt from my pillow, and followed by Rubens, presented myself before the Rector as he sat at breakfast, saying, "Mr. Carpenter is coming, and we can't endure it. We really can't endure it. And please, sir, can you give us a bed for the night? And I'm very sorry it isn't a clean one, but Nurse keeps the nightgowns on the top shelf, and I didn't want her to know we were coming."

 

Mr. Andrewes kept me with him for some hours, but he persuaded me to return and meet the old gentleman, saying that it was only due to his real kindness to bear with his little jokes; and that I ought to try and learn to make allowances, and "put up with" things that were not quite to my mind. So I went back, and partly because of my efforts to be less easily annoyed, and partly because I was older than at his latest visit, and knew all[142] the riddles, and could see through his jokes more quickly, I got on very well with him.

 

Very glad I was afterwards that I had gone back and spent a friendly evening with the kind old man; for the following spring his asthma became worse and worse, and he died. That visit was his last to us. He teased me and Rubens no more. But when I heard of his death, I felt what I said, that I was very sorry. He had been very kind and his pokes¹⁷ and jokes were trifles to look back upon.

 

Mr. Andrewes kept up his interest in my garden. Indeed, I soon got beyond the childish way of gardening; I ceased to use my watering-pot recklessly, and to take up my plants to see how they were getting on. I was promoted from my little beds to some share in the large flower-garden. My father was very fond of his flowers, and greatly pleased to find me useful.

 

Some of the happiest hours I ever spent were those in which I worked with him in "the big garden;" Rubens lying in the sun, keeping imaginary guard over my father's coat. We had a friendly rivalry¹⁸ with the Rectory, in which I felt the highest interest. Sometimes, however, I helped Mr. Andrewes himself, when he rewarded me with plants and good advice. The latter often in quaint¹⁹ rhymes, such as

 

"This rule in gardening never forget,

To sow dry, and to set wet."

But after a time, and to my deep regret, Mr. Andrewes gave up the care of my education. He said his duties in the parish did not allow of his giving much time to me; and though my father had no special wish to press my studies, and was[143] more anxious for the benefit of the Rector's influence, Mr. Andrewes at last persuaded him that he ought to get a resident tutor and prepare me for a public school.

 

By this time I had almost forgotten my foolish prejudice against the imaginary Mr. Gray, and was only sorry that I could no longer do lessons with the Rector.

 

I suppose it was in answer to some inquiries²⁰ that he made that my father heard of a gentleman who wanted such a situation as ours. He heard of him from Leo Damer's guardian²¹, and the gentleman proved to be the very tutor whom I had seen from the nursery windows of Aunt Maria's house. He had remained with Leo ever since, but as Leo's guardian had now sent him to school, the tutor was at liberty.

 

In these circumstances, I felt that he was not quite a stranger, and was prepared to receive him favourably²².

 

Indeed, when his arrival was close at hand, Nurse Bundle and I took an hospitable²³ pleasure in looking over the arrangements of his room, and planning little details for his comfort.

 

He came at last, and my father was able to announce to Aunt Maria (who had never approved of what she called "Mr. Andrewes' desultory²⁴ style of teaching") that my education was now placed in the hands of a resident tutor.

 

1 asthma   

n.气喘病，哮喘病

参考例句：

• I think he's having an asthma attack.我想他现在是哮喘病发作了。
• Its presence in allergic asthma is well known.它在过敏性气喘中的存在是大家很熟悉的。

2 riddles   

n.谜（语）( riddle的名词复数 )；猜不透的难题，难解之谜

参考例句：

• Few riddles collected from oral tradition, however, have all six parts. 但是据收集的情况看，口头流传的谜语很少具有这完整的六部分。 来自英汉非文学 - 民俗
• But first, you'd better see if you can answer riddles. 但是你首先最好想想你会不会猜谜语。 来自辞典例句

3 truant   

n.懒惰鬼，旷课者；adj.偷懒的，旷课的，游荡的；v.偷懒，旷课

参考例句：

• I found the truant throwing stones in the river.我发现那个逃课的学生在往河里扔石子。
• Children who play truant from school are unimaginative.逃学的孩子们都缺乏想像力。

4 banter   

n.嘲弄，戏谑；v.取笑，逗弄，开玩笑

参考例句：

• The actress exchanged banter with reporters.女演员与记者相互开玩笑。
• She engages in friendly banter with her customers.她常和顾客逗乐。

5 bantered   

v.开玩笑，说笑，逗乐( banter的过去式和过去分词 )；（善意地）取笑，逗弄

参考例句：

• We bantered Nick on the subject of marriage. 我们就婚姻问题取笑尼克。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The rival team members bantered before the game. 双方队员在比赛前互相说笑。 来自《简明英汉词典》

6 benevolent   

adj.仁慈的，乐善好施的

参考例句：

• His benevolent nature prevented him from refusing any beggar who accosted him.他乐善好施的本性使他不会拒绝走上前向他行乞的任何一个乞丐。
• He was a benevolent old man and he wouldn't hurt a fly.他是一个仁慈的老人，连只苍蝇都不愿伤害。

7 vowed   

起誓，发誓（vow的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• He vowed quite solemnly that he would carry out his promise. 他非常庄严地发誓要实现他的诺言。
• I vowed to do more of the cooking myself. 我发誓自己要多动手做饭。

8 malice   

n.恶意，怨恨，蓄意；[律]预谋

参考例句：

• I detected a suggestion of malice in his remarks.我觉察出他说的话略带恶意。
• There was a strong current of malice in many of his portraits.他的许多肖像画中都透着一股强烈的怨恨。

9 accomplished   

adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的

参考例句：

• Thanks to your help,we accomplished the task ahead of schedule.亏得你们帮忙,我们才提前完成了任务。
• Removal of excess heat is accomplished by means of a radiator.通过散热器完成多余热量的排出。

10 poked   

v.伸出( poke的过去式和过去分词 )；戳出；拨弄；与（某人）性交

参考例句：

• She poked him in the ribs with her elbow. 她用胳膊肘顶他的肋部。
• His elbow poked out through his torn shirt sleeve. 他的胳膊从衬衫的破袖子中露了出来。 来自《简明英汉词典》

11 jocosely   

adv.说玩笑地，诙谐地

参考例句：

12 rib   

n.肋骨，肋状物

参考例句：

• He broke a rib when he fell off his horse.他从马上摔下来折断了一根肋骨。
• He has broken a rib and the doctor has strapped it up.他断了一根肋骨，医生已包扎好了。

13 chagrin   

n.懊恼；气愤；委屈

参考例句：

• His increasingly visible chagrin sets up a vicious circle.他的明显的不满引起了一种恶性循环。
• Much to his chagrin,he did not win the race.使他大为懊恼的是他赛跑没获胜。

14 fumbling   

n. 摸索,漏接 v. 摸索,摸弄,笨拙的处理

参考例句：

• If he actually managed to the ball instead of fumbling it with an off-balance shot. 如果他实际上设法拿好球而不是fumbling它。50-balance射击笨拙地和迅速地会开始他的岗位移动，经常这样结束。
• If he actually managed to secure the ball instead of fumbling it awkwardly an off-balance shot. 如果他实际上设法拿好球而不是fumbling它。50-50提议有时。他从off-balance射击笨拙地和迅速地会开始他的岗位移动，经常这样结束。

15 candidly   

adv.坦率地，直率而诚恳地

参考例句：

• He has stopped taking heroin now,but admits candidly that he will always be a drug addict.他眼下已经不再吸食海洛因了,不过他坦言自己永远都是个瘾君子。
• Candidly,David,I think you're being unreasonable.大卫，说实话我认为你不讲道理。

16 heartily   

adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很

参考例句：

• He ate heartily and went out to look for his horse.他痛快地吃了一顿，就出去找他的马。
• The host seized my hand and shook it heartily.主人抓住我的手，热情地和我握手。

17 pokes   

v.伸出( poke的第三人称单数 )；戳出；拨弄；与（某人）性交

参考例句：

• He pokes his nose into everything. 他这人好管闲事。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• Only the tip of an iceberg pokes up above water. 只有冰山的尖端突出于水面。 来自辞典例句

18 rivalry   

n.竞争，竞赛，对抗

参考例句：

• The quarrel originated in rivalry between the two families.这次争吵是两家不和引起的。
• He had a lot of rivalry with his brothers and sisters.他和兄弟姐妹间经常较劲。

19 quaint   

adj.古雅的，离奇有趣的，奇怪的

参考例句：

• There were many small lanes in the quaint village.在这古香古色的村庄里，有很多小巷。
• They still keep some quaint old customs.他们仍然保留着一些稀奇古怪的旧风俗。

20 inquiries   

n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听

参考例句：

• He was released on bail pending further inquiries. 他获得保释，等候进一步调查。
• I have failed to reach them by postal inquiries. 我未能通过邮政查询与他们取得联系。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

21 guardian   

n.监护人；守卫者，保护者

参考例句：

• The form must be signed by the child's parents or guardian. 这张表格须由孩子的家长或监护人签字。
• The press is a guardian of the public weal. 报刊是公共福利的卫护者。

22 favourably   

adv. 善意地，赞成地 =favorably

参考例句：

• The play has been favourably commented by the audience. 本剧得到了观众的好评。
• The open approach contrasts favourably with the exclusivity of some universities. 这种开放式的方法与一些大学的封闭排外形成了有利的对比。

23 hospitable   

adj.好客的；宽容的；有利的，适宜的

参考例句：

• The man is very hospitable.He keeps open house for his friends and fellow-workers.那人十分好客，无论是他的朋友还是同事，他都盛情接待。
• The locals are hospitable and welcoming.当地人热情好客。

24 desultory   

adj.散漫的，无方法的

参考例句：

• Do not let the discussion fragment into a desultory conversation with no clear direction.不要让讨论变得支离破碎，成为没有明确方向的漫谈。
• The constables made a desultory attempt to keep them away from the barn.警察漫不经心地拦着不让他们靠近谷仓。