ld have been better for my peace of mind if I had not stood between him and Chester's confoundedly generous offer. I wonder what his exuberant15 imagination would have made of Walpole islet -- that most hopelessly forsaken16 crumb17 of dry land on the face of the waters. It is not likely I would ever have heard, for I must tell you that Chester, after calling at some Australian port to patch up his brig-rigged seaanachronism, steamed out into the Pacific with a crew of twentytwo hands all told, and the only news having a possible bearing upon the mystery of his fate was the news of a hurricane which is supposed to have swept in its course over the Walpole shoals, a month or so afterwards. Not a vestige18 of the Argonauts ever turned up; not a sound came out of the waste. Finis! The Pacific is the most discreet19 of live, hot-tempered oceans: the chilly20 Antarctic can keep a secret too, but more in the manner of a grave.
'And there is a sense of blessed finality in such discretion21, which is what we all more or less sincerely are ready to admit -- for what else is it that makes the idea of death supportable? End! Finis! the potent22 word that exorcises from the house of life the haunting shadow of fate. This is what -- notwithstanding the testimony24 of my eyes and his own earnest assurances -- I miss when I look back upon Jim's success. While there's life there is hope, truly; but there is fear too. I don't mean to say that I regret my action, nor will I pretend that I can't sleep o' nights in consequence; still, the idea obtrudes25 itself that he made so much of his disgrace while it is the guilt26 alone that matters. He was not -- if I may say so -- clear to me. He was not clear. And there is a suspicion he was not clear to himself either. There were his fine sensibilities, his fine feelings, his fine longings27 -- a sort of sublimated28, idealised selfishness. He was -- if you allow me to say so -- very fine; very fine -- and very unfortunate. A little coarser nature would not have borne the strain; it would have had to come to terms with itself -- with a sigh, with a grunt29, or even with a guffaw30; a still coarser one would have remained invulnerably ignorant and completely uninteresting.
'But he was too interesting or too unfortunate to be thrown to the dogs, or even to Chester. I felt this while I sat with my face over the paper and he fought and gasped31, struggling for his breath in that terribly stealthy way, in my room; I felt it when he rushed out on the verandah as if to fling himself over -- and didn't; I felt it more and more all the time he remained outside, faintly lighted on the background of night, as if standing23 on the shore of a sombre and hopeless sea.
'An abrupt32 heavy rumble33 made me lift my head. The noise seemed to roll away, and suddenly a searching and violent glare fell on the blind face of the night. The sustained and dazzling flickers34 seemed to last for an unconscionable time. The growl35 of the thunder increased steadily36 while I looked at him, distinct and black, planted solidly upon the shores of a sea of light. At the moment of greatest brilliance the darkness leaped back with a culminating crash, and he vanished before my dazzled eyes as utterly37 as though he had been blown to atoms. A blustering38 sigh passed; furious hands seemed to tear at the shrubs39, shake the tops of the trees below, slam doors, break window-panes, all along the front of the building. He stepped in, closing the door behind him, and found me bending over the table: my sudden anxiety as to what he would say was very great, and akin13 to a fright. "May I have a cigarette?" he asked. I gave a push to the box without raising my head. "I want -- want -- tobacco," he muttered. I became exuemely buoyant. "Just a moment." I grunted40 pleasantly. He took a few steps here and there. "That's over," I heard him say. A single distant clap of thunder came from the sea like a gun of distress41. "The monsoon42 breaks up early this year," he remarked conversationally43, somewhere behind me. This encouraged me to turn round, which I did as soon as I had finished addressing the last envelope. He was smoking greedily in the middle of the room, and though he heard the stir I made, he remained with his back to me for a time.
' "Come -- I carried it off pretty well," he said, wheeling suddenly. "Something's paid off -- not much. I wonder what's to come." His face did not show any emotion, only it appeared a little darkened and swollen44, as though he had been holding his breath. He smiled reluctantly as it were, and went on while I gazed up at him mutely.... "Thank you, though -- your room -- jolly convenient -- for a chap -- badly hipped45." . . . The rain pattered and swished in the garden; a water-pipe (it must have had a hole in it) performed just outside the window a parody46 of blubbering woe47 with funny sobs48 and gurgling lamentations, interrupted by jerky spasms49 of silence.... "A bit of shelter," he mumbled50 and ceased.
'A flash of faded lightning darted51 in through the black framework of the windows and ebbed52 out without any noise. I was thinking how I had best approach him (I did not want to be flung off again) when he gave a little laugh. "No better than a vagabond now" . . . the end of the cigarette smouldered between his fingers . . . "without a single -- single," he pronounced slowly; "and yet . . ." He paused; the rain fell with redoubled violence. "Some day one's bound to come upon some sort of chance to get it all back again. Must!" he whispered distinctly, glaring at my boots.
'I did not even know what it was he wished so much to regain53, what it was he had so terribly missed. It might have been so much that it was impossible to say. A piece of ass's skin, according to Chester.... He looked up at me inquisitively54. "Perhaps. If life's long enough," I muttered through my teeth with unreasonable55 animosity. "Don't reckon too much on it."
' "Jove! I feel as if nothing could ever touch me," he said in a tone of sombre conviction. "If this business couldn't knock me over, then there's no fear of there being not enough time to -- climb out, and . . ." He looked upwards56.
'It struck me that it is from such as he that the great army of waifs and strays is recruited, the army that marches down, down into all the gutters57 of the earth. As soon as he left my room, that "bit of shelter," he would take his place in the ranks, and begin the journey towards the bottomless pit. I at least had no illusions; but it was I, too, who a moment ago had been so sure of the power of words, and now was afraid to speak, in the same way one dares not move for fear of losing a slippery hold. It is when we try to grapple with another man's intimate need that we perceive how incomprehensible, wavering, and misty58 are the beings that share with us the sight of the stars and the warmth of the sun. It is as if loneliness were a hard and absolute condition of existence; the envelope of flesh and blood on which our eyes are fixed59 melts before the outstretched hand, and there remains60 only the capricious, unconsolable, and elusive61 spirit that no eye can follow, no hand can grasp. It was the fear of losing him that kept me silent, for it was borne upon me suddenly and with unaccountable force that should I let him slip away into the darkness I would never forgive myself.
' "Well. Thanks -- once more. You've been -- er -- uncommonly62 -really there's no word to . . . Uncommonly! I don't know why, I am sure. I am afraid I don't feel as grateful as I would if the whole thing hadn't been so brutally63 sprung on me. Because at bottom . . . you, yourself . . ." He stuttered.
' "Possibly," I struck in. He frowned.
' "All the same, one is responsible." He watched me like a hawk64.
' "And that's true, too," I said.
' "Well. I've gone with it to the end, and I don't intend to let any man cast it in my teeth without -- without -- resenting it." He clenched65 his fist.
' "There's yourself," I said with a smile -- mirthless enough, God knows -- but he looked at me menacingly. "That's my business," he said. An air of indomitable resolution came and went upon his face like a vain and passing shadow. Next moment he looked a dear good boy in trouble, as before. He flung away the cigarette. "Goodbye," he said, with the sudden haste of a man who had lingered too long in view of a pressing bit of work waiting for him; and then for a second or so he made not the slightest movement. The downpour fell with the heavy uninterrupted rush of a sweeping66 flood, with a sound of unchecked overwhelming fury that called to one's mind the images of collapsing67 bridges, of uprooted68 trees, of undermined mountains. No man could breast the colossal69 and headlong stream that seemed to break and swirl70 against the dim stillness in which we were precariously71 sheltered as if on an island. The perforated pipe gurgled, choked, spat72, and splashed in odious73 ridicule74 of a swimmer fighting for his life. "It is raining," I remonstrated75, "and I . . ." "Rain or shine," he began brusquely, checked himself, and walked to the window. "Perfect deluge," he muttered after a while: he leaned his forehead on the glass. "It's dark, too."
' "Yes, it is very dark," I said.
'He pivoted76 on his heels, crossed the room, and had actually opened the door leading into the corridor before I leaped up from my chair. "Wait," I cried, "I want you to . . ." "I can't dine with you again to-night," he flung at me, with one leg out of the room already. "I haven't the slightest intention of asking you," I shouted. At this he drew back his foot, but remained mistrustfully in the very doorway77. I lost no time in entreating78 him earnestly not to be absurd; to come in and shut the door.'
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1
faculty
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| n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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2
beholding
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| v.看，注视( behold的现在分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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3
quaffed
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| v.痛饮( quaff的过去式和过去分词 )；畅饮；大口大口将…喝干；一饮而尽 | |
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4
latitude
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| n.纬度，行动或言论的自由(范围)，(pl.)地区 | |
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5
intoxicating
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| a. 醉人的,使人兴奋的 | |
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intoxicated
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| 喝醉的，极其兴奋的 | |
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7
elixir
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| n.长生不老药，万能药 | |
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8
probation
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| n.缓刑(期)，(以观后效的)察看；试用(期) | |
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9
reassured
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| adj.使消除疑虑的；使放心的v.再保证，恢复信心( reassure的过去式和过去分词) | |
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10
brilliance
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| n.光辉，辉煌，壮丽，（卓越的）才华，才智 | |
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11
lasting
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| adj.永久的，永恒的；vbl.持续，维持 | |
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12
isolation
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| n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离 | |
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13
akin
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| adj.同族的，类似的 | |
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14
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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15
exuberant
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| adj.充满活力的；（植物）繁茂的 | |
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16
Forsaken
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| adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
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17
crumb
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| n.饼屑，面包屑，小量 | |
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18
vestige
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| n.痕迹，遗迹，残余 | |
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19
discreet
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| adj.(言行)谨慎的；慎重的；有判断力的 | |
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20
chilly
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| adj.凉快的，寒冷的 | |
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21
discretion
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| n.谨慎；随意处理 | |
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22
potent
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| adj.强有力的，有权势的；有效力的 | |
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23
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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24
testimony
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| n.证词；见证，证明 | |
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25
obtrudes
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| v.强行向前，强行，强迫( obtrude的第三人称单数 ) | |
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26
guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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27
longings
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| 渴望，盼望( longing的名词复数 ) | |
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28
sublimated
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| v.（使某物质）升华( sublimate的过去式和过去分词 )；使净化；纯化 | |
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29
grunt
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| v.嘟哝；作呼噜声；n.呼噜声，嘟哝 | |
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30
guffaw
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| n.哄笑；突然的大笑 | |
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31
gasped
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| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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32
abrupt
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| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
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33
rumble
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| n.隆隆声；吵嚷；v.隆隆响；低沉地说 | |
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34
flickers
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| 电影制片业； （通常指灯光）闪烁，摇曳( flicker的名词复数 ) | |
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35
growl
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| v.（狗等）嗥叫，（炮等）轰鸣；n.嗥叫，轰鸣 | |
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36
steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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37
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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38
blustering
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| adj.狂风大作的，狂暴的v.外强中干的威吓( bluster的现在分词 )；咆哮；（风）呼啸；狂吹 | |
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39
shrubs
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| 灌木( shrub的名词复数 ) | |
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40
grunted
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| （猪等）作呼噜声( grunt的过去式和过去分词 )； （指人）发出类似的哼声； 咕哝着说 | |
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41
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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42
monsoon
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| n.季雨，季风，大雨 | |
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43
conversationally
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| adv.会话地 | |
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44
swollen
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| adj.肿大的，水涨的；v.使变大，肿胀 | |
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45
hipped
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| adj.着迷的，忧郁的 | |
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46
parody
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| n.打油诗文，诙谐的改编诗文，拙劣的模仿；v.拙劣模仿，作模仿诗文 | |
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47
woe
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| n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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48
sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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49
spasms
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| n.痉挛( spasm的名词复数 )；抽搐；（能量、行为等的）突发；发作 | |
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50
mumbled
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| 含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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51
darted
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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52
ebbed
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| （指潮水）退( ebb的过去式和过去分词 )； 落； 减少； 衰落 | |
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53
regain
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| vt.重新获得，收复，恢复 | |
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54
inquisitively
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| 过分好奇地； 好问地 | |
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55
unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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56
upwards
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| adv.向上，在更高处...以上 | |
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57
gutters
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| （路边）排水沟( gutter的名词复数 )； 阴沟； （屋顶的）天沟； 贫贱的境地 | |
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58
misty
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| adj.雾蒙蒙的，有雾的 | |
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59
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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60
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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61
elusive
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| adj.难以表达(捉摸)的；令人困惑的；逃避的 | |
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62
uncommonly
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| adv. 稀罕(极，非常) | |
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63
brutally
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| adv.残忍地，野蛮地，冷酷无情地 | |
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64
hawk
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| n.鹰，骗子；鹰派成员 | |
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65
clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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66
sweeping
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| adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的 | |
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67
collapsing
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| 压扁[平]，毁坏，断裂 | |
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68
uprooted
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| v.把（某物）连根拔起( uproot的过去式和过去分词 )；根除；赶走；把…赶出家园 | |
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69
colossal
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| adj.异常的，庞大的 | |
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70
swirl
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| v.(使)打漩，(使)涡卷；n.漩涡，螺旋形 | |
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71
precariously
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| adv.不安全地；危险地；碰机会地；不稳定地 | |
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72
spat
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| n.口角，掌击；v.发出呼噜呼噜声 | |
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73
odious
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| adj.可憎的，讨厌的 | |
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74
ridicule
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| v.讥讽，挖苦；n.嘲弄 | |
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75
remonstrated
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| v.抗议( remonstrate的过去式和过去分词 )；告诫 | |
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76
pivoted
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| adj.转动的，回转的，装在枢轴上的v.（似）在枢轴上转动( pivot的过去式和过去分词 )；把…放在枢轴上；以…为核心，围绕（主旨）展开 | |
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77
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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78
entreating
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| 恳求，乞求( entreat的现在分词 ) | |
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