My new life had lasted for more than a week, and I was stronger than ever in those tremendous practical resolutions that I felt the crisis required. I continued to walk extremely fast, and to have a general idea that I was getting on. I made it a rule to take as much out of myself as I possibly could, in my way of doing everything to which I applied1 my energies. I made a perfect victim of myself. I even entertained some idea of putting myself on a vegetable diet, vaguely2 conceiving that, in becoming a graminivorous animal, I should sacrifice to Dora.
As yet, little Dora was quite unconscious of my desperate firmness, otherwise than as my letters darkly shadowed it forth3. But another Saturday came, and on that Saturday evening she was to be at Miss Mills's; and when Mr. Mills had gone to his whist-club (telegraphed to me in the street, by a bird-cage in the drawing-room middle window), I was to go there to tea.
By this time, we were quite settled down in Buckingham Street, where Mr. Dick continued his copying in a state of absolute felicity. My aunt had obtained a signal victory over Mrs. Crupp, by paying her off, throwing the first pitcher4 she planted on the stairs out of window, and protecting in person, up and down the staircase, a supernumerary whom she engaged from the outer world. These vigorous measures struck such terror to the breast of Mrs. Crupp, that she subsided5 into her own kitchen, under the impression that my aunt was mad. My aunt being supremely6 indifferent to Mrs. Crupp's opinion and everybody else's, and rather favouring than discouraging the idea, Mrs. Crupp, of late the bold, became within a few days so faint-hearted, that rather than encounter my aunt upon the staircase, she would endeavour to hide her portly form behind doors - leaving visible, however, a wide margin8 of flannel9 petticoat - or would shrink into dark corners. This gave my aunt such unspeakable satisfaction, that I believe she took a delight in prowling up and down, with her bonnet10 insanely perched on the top of her head, at times when Mrs. Crupp was likely to be in the way.
My aunt, being uncommonly11 neat and ingenious, made so many little improvements in our domestic arrangements, that I seemed to be richer instead of poorer. Among the rest, she converted the pantry into a dressing-room for me; and purchased and embellished12 a bedstead for my occupation, which looked as like a bookcase in the daytime as a bedstead could. I was the object of her constant solicitude13; and my poor mother herself could not have loved me better, or studied more how to make me happy.
Peggotty had considered herself highly privileged in being allowed to participate in these labours; and, although she still retained something of her old sentiment of awe14 in reference to my aunt, had received so many marks of encouragement and confidence, that they were the best friends possible. But the time had now come (I am speaking of the Saturday when I was to take tea at Miss Mills's) when it was necessary for her to return home, and enter on the discharge of the duties she had undertaken in behalf of Ham. 'So good-bye, Barkis,' said my aunt, 'and take care of yourself! I am sure I never thought I could be sorry to lose you!'
I took Peggotty to the coach office and saw her off. She cried at parting, and confided15 her brother to my friendship as Ham had done. We had heard nothing of him since he went away, that sunny afternoon.
'And now, my own dear Davy,' said Peggotty, 'if, while you're a prentice, you should want any money to spend; or if, when you're out of your time, my dear, you should want any to set you up (and you must do one or other, or both, my darling); who has such a good right to ask leave to lend it you, as my sweet girl's own old stupid me!'
I was not so savagely16 independent as to say anything in reply, but that if ever I borrowed money of anyone, I would borrow it of her. Next to accepting a large sum on the spot, I believe this gave Peggotty more comfort than anything I could have done.
'And, my dear!' whispered Peggotty, 'tell the pretty little angel that I should so have liked to see her, only for a minute! And tell her that before she marries my boy, I'll come and make your house so beautiful for you, if you'll let me!'
I declared that nobody else should touch it; and this gave Peggotty such delight that she went away in good spirits.
I fatigued17 myself as much as I possibly could in the Commons all day, by a variety of devices, and at the appointed time in the evening repaired to Mr. Mills's street. Mr. Mills, who was a terrible fellow to fall asleep after dinner, had not yet gone out, and there was no bird-cage in the middle window.
He kept me waiting so long, that I fervently18 hoped the Club would fine him for being late. At last he came out; and then I saw my own Dora hang up the bird-cage, and peep into the balcony to look for me, and run in again when she saw I was there, while Jip remained behind, to bark injuriously at an immense butcher's dog in the street, who could have taken him like a pill.
Dora came to the drawing-room door to meet me; and Jip came scrambling19 out, tumbling over his own growls20, under the impression that I was a Bandit; and we all three went in, as happy and loving as could be. I soon carried desolation into the bosom21 of our joys - not that I meant to do it, but that I was so full of the subject - by asking Dora, without the smallest preparation, if she could love a beggar?
My pretty, little, startled Dora! Her only association with the word was a yellow face and a nightcap, or a pair of crutches22, or a wooden leg, or a dog with a decanter-stand in his mouth, or something of that kind; and she stared at me with the most delightful23 wonder.
'How can you ask me anything so foolish?' pouted24 Dora. 'Love a beggar!'
'Dora, my own dearest!' said I. 'I am a beggar!'
'How can you be such a silly thing,' replied Dora, slapping my hand, 'as to sit there, telling such stories? I'll make Jip bite you!'
Her childish way was the most delicious way in the world to me, but it was necessary to be explicit25, and I solemnly repeated:
'Dora, my own life, I am your ruined David!'
'I declare I'll make Jip bite you!' said Dora, shaking her curls, 'if you are so ridiculous.'
But I looked so serious, that Dora left off shaking her curls, and laid her trembling little hand upon my shoulder, and first looked scared and anxious, then began to cry. That was dreadful. I fell upon my knees before the sofa, caressing26 her, and imploring27 her not to rend28 my heart; but, for some time, poor little Dora did nothing but exclaim Oh dear! Oh dear! And oh, she was so frightened! And where was Julia Mills! And oh, take her to Julia Mills, and go away, please! until I was almost beside myself.
At last, after an agony of supplication29 and protestation, I got Dora to look at me, with a horrified30 expression of face, which I gradually soothed31 until it was only loving, and her soft, pretty cheek was lying against mine. Then I told her, with my arms clasped round her, how I loved her, so dearly, and so dearly; how I felt it right to offer to release her from her engagement, because now I was poor; how I never could bear it, or recover it, if I lost her; how I had no fears of poverty, if she had none, my arm being nerved and my heart inspired by her; how I was already working with a courage such as none but lovers knew; how I had begun to be practical, and look into the future; how a crust well earned was sweeter far than a feast inherited; and much more to the same purpose, which I delivered in a burst of passionate32 eloquence33 quite surprising to myself, though I had been thinking about it, day and night, ever since my aunt had astonished me.
'Is your heart mine still, dear Dora?' said I, rapturously, for I knew by her clinging to me that it was.
'Oh, yes!' cried Dora. 'Oh, yes, it's all yours. Oh, don't be dreadful!'
I dreadful! To Dora!
'Don't talk about being poor, and working hard!' said Dora, nestling closer to me. 'Oh, don't, don't!'
'My dearest love,' said I, 'the crust well-earned -'
'Oh, yes; but I don't want to hear any more about crusts!' said Dora. 'And Jip must have a mutton-chop every day at twelve, or he'll die.'
I was charmed with her childish, winning way. I fondly explained to Dora that Jip should have his mutton-chop with his accustomed regularity34. I drew a picture of our frugal35 home, made independent by my labour - sketching36 in the little house I had seen at Highgate, and my aunt in her room upstairs.
'I am not dreadful now, Dora?' said I, tenderly.
'Oh, no, no!' cried Dora. 'But I hope your aunt will keep in her own room a good deal. And I hope she's not a scolding old thing!'
If it were possible for me to love Dora more than ever, I am sure I did. But I felt she was a little impracticable. It damped my new-born ardour, to find that ardour so difficult of communication to her. I made another trial. When she was quite herself again, and was curling Jip's ears, as he lay upon her lap, I became grave, and said:
'My own! May I mention something?'
'Oh, please don't be practical!' said Dora, coaxingly37. 'Because it frightens me so!'
'Sweetheart!' I returned; 'there is nothing to alarm you in all this. I want you to think of it quite differently. I want to make it nerve you, and inspire you, Dora!'
'Oh, but that's so shocking!' cried Dora.
'My love, no. Perseverance39 and strength of character will enable us to bear much worse things.' 'But I haven't got any strength at all,' said Dora, shaking her curls. 'Have I, Jip? Oh, do kiss Jip, and be agreeable!'
It was impossible to resist kissing Jip, when she held him up to me for that purpose, putting her own bright, rosy40 little mouth into kissing form, as she directed the operation, which she insisted should be performed symmetrically, on the centre of his nose. I did as she bade me - rewarding myself afterwards for my obedience41 - and she charmed me out of my graver character for I don't know how long.
'But, Dora, my beloved!' said I, at last resuming it; 'I was going to mention something.'
The judge of the Prerogative42 Court might have fallen in love with her, to see her fold her little hands and hold them up, begging and praying me not to be dreadful any more.
'Indeed I am not going to be, my darling!' I assured her. 'But, Dora, my love, if you will sometimes think, - not despondingly, you know; far from that! - but if you will sometimes think - just to encourage yourself - that you are engaged to a poor man -'
'Don't, don't! Pray don't!' cried Dora. 'It's so very dreadful!'
'My soul, not at all!' said I, cheerfully. 'If you will sometimes think of that, and look about now and then at your papa's housekeeping, and endeavour to acquire a little habit - of accounts, for instance -'
Poor little Dora received this suggestion with something that was half a sob43 and half a scream.
'- It would be so useful to us afterwards,' I went on. 'And if you would promise me to read a little - a little Cookery Book that I would send you, it would be so excellent for both of us. For our path in life, my Dora,' said I, warming with the subject, 'is stony44 and rugged45 now, and it rests with us to smooth it. We must fight our way onward46. We must be brave. There are obstacles to be met, and we must meet, and crush them!'
I was going on at a great rate, with a clenched47 hand, and a most enthusiastic countenance48; but it was quite unnecessary to proceed. I had said enough. I had done it again. Oh, she was so frightened! Oh, where was Julia Mills! Oh, take her to Julia Mills, and go away, please! So that, in short, I was quite distracted, and raved49 about the drawing-room.
I thought I had killed her, this time. I sprinkled water on her face. I went down on my knees. I plucked at my hair. I denounced myself as a remorseless brute50 and a ruthless beast. I implored51 her forgiveness. I besought52 her to look up. I ravaged53 Miss Mills's work-box for a smelling-bottle, and in my agony of mind applied an ivory needle-case instead, and dropped all the needles over Dora. I shook my fists at Jip, who was as frantic54 as myself. I did every wild extravagance that could be done, and was a long way beyond the end of my wits when Miss Mills came into the room.
'Who has done this?' exclaimed Miss Mills, succouring her friend.
I replied, 'I, Miss Mills! I have done it! Behold55 the destroyer!' - or words to that effect - and hid my face from the light, in the sofa cushion.
At first Miss Mills thought it was a quarrel, and that we were verging56 on the Desert of Sahara; but she soon found out how matters stood, for my dear affectionate little Dora, embracing her, began exclaiming that I was 'a poor labourer'; and then cried for me, and embraced me, and asked me would I let her give me all her money to keep, and then fell on Miss Mills's neck, sobbing57 as if her tender heart were broken.
Miss Mills must have been born to be a blessing58 to us. She ascertained59 from me in a few words what it was all about, comforted Dora, and gradually convinced her that I was not a labourer - from my manner of stating the case I believe Dora concluded that I was a navigator, and went balancing myself up and down a plank60 all day with a wheelbarrow - and so brought us together in peace. When we were quite composed, and Dora had gone up-stairs to put some rose-water to her eyes, Miss Mills rang for tea. In the ensuing interval61, I told Miss Mills that she was evermore my friend, and that my heart must cease to vibrate ere I could forget her sympathy.
I then expounded63 to Miss Mills what I had endeavoured, so very unsuccessfully, to expound62 to Dora. Miss Mills replied, on general principles, that the Cottage of content was better than the Palace of cold splendour, and that where love was, all was.
I said to Miss Mills that this was very true, and who should know it better than I, who loved Dora with a love that never mortal had experienced yet? But on Miss Mills observing, with despondency, that it were well indeed for some hearts if this were so, I explained that I begged leave to restrict the observation to mortals of the masculine gender64.
I then put it to Miss Mills, to say whether she considered that there was or was not any practical merit in the suggestion I had been anxious to make, concerning the accounts, the housekeeping, and the Cookery Book?
Miss Mills, after some consideration, thus replied:
'Mr. Copperfield, I will be plain with you. Mental suffering and trial supply, in some natures, the place of years, and I will be as plain with you as if I were a Lady Abbess. No. The suggestion is not appropriate to our Dora. Our dearest Dora is a favourite child of nature. She is a thing of light, and airiness, and joy. I am free to confess that if it could be done, it might be well, but -' And Miss Mills shook her head.
I was encouraged by this closing admission on the part of Miss Mills to ask her, whether, for Dora's sake, if she had any opportunity of luring65 her attention to such preparations for an earnest life, she would avail herself of it? Miss Mills replied in the affirmative so readily, that I further asked her if she would take charge of the Cookery Book; and, if she ever could insinuate66 it upon Dora's acceptance, without frightening her, undertake to do me that crowning service. Miss Mills accepted this trust, too; but was not sanguine67.
And Dora returned, looking such a lovely little creature, that I really doubted whether she ought to be troubled with anything so ordinary. And she loved me so much, and was so captivating (particularly when she made Jip stand on his hind7 legs for toast, and when she pretended to hold that nose of his against the hot teapot for punishment because he wouldn't), that I felt like a sort of Monster who had got into a Fairy's bower68, when I thought of having frightened her, and made her cry.
After tea we had the guitar; and Dora sang those same dear old French songs about the impossibility of ever on any account leaving off dancing, La ra la, La ra la, until I felt a much greater Monster than before.
We had only one check to our pleasure, and that happened a little while before I took my leave, when, Miss Mills chancing to make some allusion69 to tomorrow morning, I unluckily let out that, being obliged to exert myself now, I got up at five o'clock. Whether Dora had any idea that I was a Private Watchman, I am unable to say; but it made a great impression on her, and she neither played nor sang any more.
It was still on her mind when I bade her adieu; and she said to me, in her pretty coaxing38 way - as if I were a doll, I used to think:
'Now don't get up at five o'clock, you naughty boy. It's so nonsensical!'
'My love,' said I, 'I have work to do.'
'But don't do it!' returned Dora. 'Why should you?'
It was impossible to say to that sweet little surprised face, otherwise than lightly and playfully, that we must work to live.
'Oh! How ridiculous!' cried Dora.
'How shall we live without, Dora?' said I.
'How? Any how!' said Dora.
She seemed to think she had quite settled the question, and gave me such a triumphant70 little kiss, direct from her innocent heart, that I would hardly have put her out of conceit71 with her answer, for a fortune.
Well! I loved her, and I went on loving her, most absorbingly, entirely72, and completely. But going on, too, working pretty hard, and busily keeping red-hot all the irons I now had in the fire, I would sit sometimes of a night, opposite my aunt, thinking how I had frightened Dora that time, and how I could best make my way with a guitar-case through the forest of difficulty, until I used to fancy that my head was turning quite grey.
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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pitcher
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| n.(有嘴和柄的)大水罐；(棒球)投手 | |
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subsided
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| v.（土地）下陷（因在地下采矿）( subside的过去式和过去分词 )；减弱；下降至较低或正常水平；一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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supremely
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| adv.无上地，崇高地 | |
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hind
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| adj.后面的，后部的 | |
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margin
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| n.页边空白；差额；余地，余裕；边，边缘 | |
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flannel
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| n.法兰绒；法兰绒衣服 | |
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bonnet
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| n.无边女帽；童帽 | |
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uncommonly
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| adv. 稀罕(极，非常) | |
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embellished
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| v.美化( embellish的过去式和过去分词 )；装饰；修饰；润色 | |
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solicitude
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| n.焦虑 | |
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awe
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| n.敬畏，惊惧；vt.使敬畏，使惊惧 | |
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confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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savagely
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| adv. 野蛮地，残酷地 | |
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fatigued
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| adj. 疲乏的 | |
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fervently
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| adv.热烈地，热情地，强烈地 | |
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scrambling
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| v.快速爬行( scramble的现在分词 )；攀登；争夺；（军事飞机）紧急起飞 | |
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growls
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| v.（动物）发狺狺声， （雷）作隆隆声( growl的第三人称单数 )；低声咆哮着说 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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crutches
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| n.拐杖, 支柱 v.支撑 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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pouted
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| v.撅（嘴）( pout的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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explicit
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| adj.详述的，明确的；坦率的；显然的 | |
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caressing
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| 爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的 | |
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imploring
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| 恳求的，哀求的 | |
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rend
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| vt.把…撕开，割裂；把…揪下来，强行夺取 | |
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supplication
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| n.恳求，祈愿，哀求 | |
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horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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soothed
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| v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 )；抚慰；使舒服；减轻痛苦 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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eloquence
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| n.雄辩；口才，修辞 | |
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regularity
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| n.规律性，规则性；匀称，整齐 | |
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frugal
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| adj.节俭的，节约的，少量的，微量的 | |
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sketching
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| n.草图 | |
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coaxingly
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| adv. 以巧言诱哄，以甘言哄骗 | |
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coaxing
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| v.哄，用好话劝说( coax的现在分词 )；巧言骗取；哄劝，劝诱；“锻炼”效应 | |
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perseverance
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| n.坚持不懈，不屈不挠 | |
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rosy
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| adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的 | |
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obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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prerogative
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| n.特权 | |
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sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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stony
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| adj.石头的，多石头的，冷酷的，无情的 | |
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rugged
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| adj.高低不平的，粗糙的，粗壮的，强健的 | |
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onward
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| adj.向前的，前进的；adv.向前，前进，在先 | |
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clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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raved
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| v.胡言乱语( rave的过去式和过去分词 )；愤怒地说；咆哮；痴心地说 | |
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brute
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| n.野兽，兽性 | |
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implored
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| 恳求或乞求（某人）( implore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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besought
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| v.恳求，乞求（某事物）( beseech的过去式和过去分词 )；(beseech的过去式与过去分词) | |
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ravaged
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| 毁坏( ravage的过去式和过去分词 )； 蹂躏； 劫掠； 抢劫 | |
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frantic
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| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
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behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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verging
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| 接近，逼近（verge的现在分词形式） | |
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sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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59
ascertained
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| v.弄清，确定，查明( ascertain的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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60
plank
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| n.板条，木板，政策要点，政纲条目 | |
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61
interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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62
expound
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| v.详述；解释；阐述 | |
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63
expounded
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| 论述，详细讲解( expound的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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64
gender
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| n.（生理上的）性，（名词、代词等的）性 | |
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65
luring
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| 吸引，引诱（lure的现在分词形式） | |
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66
insinuate
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| vt.含沙射影地说，暗示 | |
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67
sanguine
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| adj.充满希望的，乐观的，血红色的 | |
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68
bower
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| n.凉亭，树荫下凉快之处；闺房；v.荫蔽 | |
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69
allusion
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| n.暗示，间接提示 | |
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70
triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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conceit
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| n.自负，自高自大 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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