Who go to church at night in pairs,
Never take bell-ropes in your hands,
To raise you up again from prayers.
COLMAN
‘I am not superstitious4, but, as I entered the church, I felt a chill of body and soul inexpressible. I approached the altar, and attempted to kneel, — an invisible hand repelled5 me. A voice seemed to address me from the recesses6 of the altar, and demand what brought me there? I reflected that those who had just quitted that spot had been absorbed in prayer, that those who were to succeed me would be engaged in the same profound homage7, while I sought the church with a purpose of imposture8 and deception10, and abused the hour allotted11 to the divine worship in contriving12 the means to escape from it. I felt I was a deceiver, shrouding13 my fraud in the very veils of the temple. I trembled at my purpose and at myself. I knelt, however, though I did not dare to pray. The steps of the altar felt unusually cold, — I shuddered14 at the silence I was compelled to observe. Alas15! how can we expect that object to succeed, which we dare not entrust16 to God. Prayer, Sir, when we are deeply engaged in it, not only makes us eloquent17, but communicates a kind of answering eloquence18 to the objects around us. At former times, while I poured out my heart before God, I felt as if the lamps burnt brighter, and the images smiled, — the silent midnight air was filled with forms and voices, and every breeze that sighed by the casement19 bore to my ear the harpings of a thousand angels. Now all was stilled, — the lamps, the images, the altar, the roof, seemed to behold20 me in silence. They surrounded me like witnesses, whose presence alone is enough to condemn21 you, without their uttering a word. I dared not look up, — I dared not speak, — I dared not pray, lest it would unfold a thought I could not supplicate22 a blessing23 on; and this kind of keeping a secret, which God must know, is at once so vain and impious.
‘I had not remained long in this state of agitation24, when I heard a step approach, — it was that of him I expected. ‘Rise,’ said he, for I was on my knees; ‘rise, — we have no time to lose. You have but an hour to remain in the church, and I have much to tell you in that hour.’ I rose. ‘To-morrow night is fixed25 for your escape.’ — ‘To-morrow night, — merciful God!’ — ‘Yes; in desperate steps there is always more danger from delay than from precipitation. A thousand eyes and ears are on the watch already, — a single sinister26 or ambiguous movement would render it impossible to escape their vigilance. There may be some danger in hastening matters thus, but it is unavoidable. To-morrow night, after midnight, descend27 to the church, it is probable no one will then be here. If any one should, (engaged in recollection or in penance), retire to avoid suspicion. Return as soon as the church is empty, — I will be here. Do you observe that door?’ and he pointed28 to a low door which I had often observed before, but never remembered to have seen opened; ‘I have obtained the key of that door, — no matter by what means. It formerly29 led to the vaults30 of the convent, but, for some extraordinary reasons, which I have not time to relate, another passage has been opened, and the former has not been employed or frequented for many years. From thence branches another passage, which, I have heard, opens by a trap-door into the garden.’ — ‘Heard,’ I repeated; ‘Good God! is it on report, then, you depend in a matter so momentous32? If you are not certain that such a passage exists, and that you will be able to trace its windings33, may we not be wandering amid them all night? Or perhaps — ‘ ‘Interrupt me no more with those faint objections; I have no time to listen to fears which I can neither sympathise with or obviate34. When we get through the trap-door into the garden, (if ever we do), another danger awaits us.’ He paused, I thought, like a man who is watching the effect of the terrors he excites, not from malignity35 but vanity, merely to magnify his own courage in encountering them. I was silent; and, as he heard neither flattery nor fear, he went on. ‘Two fierce dogs are let loose in the garden every night, — but they must be taken care of. The wall is sixteen feet high, — but your brother has provided a ladder of ropes, which he will fling over, and by which you may descend on the other side in safety.’ — ‘Safety! but then Juan will be in danger.’ — ‘Interrupt me no more, — the danger within the walls is the least you have to dread36, beyond them, where can you seek for refuge or secrecy37? Your brother’s money will enable you possibly to escape from Madrid. He will bribe38 high, and every inch of your way must be paved with his gold. But, after that, so many dangers present themselves, that the enterprise and the danger seem but just begun. How will you cross the Pyrennees? How — ‘ and he passed his hand over his forehead, with the air of a man engaged in an effort beyond his powers, and sorely perplexed39 about the means to effect it. This expression, so full of sincerity40, struck me forcibly. It operated as a balance against all my former prepossessions. But still the more confidence I felt in him, the more I was impressed by his fears. I repeated after him, ‘How is it possible for me to escape ultimately? I may, by your assistance, traverse those intricate passages, whose cold dews I feel already distilling41 on me. I may emerge into light, ascend42 and descend the wall, but, after that, how am I to escape? — how am I even to live? All Spain is but one great monastery43, — I must be a prisoner every step that I take.’ — ‘Your brother must look to that,’ said he abruptly44; ‘I have done what I have undertaken.’ I then pressed him with several questions relating to the details of my escape. His answer was monotonous45, unsatisfactory, and evasive, to a degree that again filled me first with suspicion, and then with terror. I asked, ‘But how have you obtained possession of the keys?’ — ‘It is not your business to inquire.’ It was singular that he returned the same answer to every question I put to him, relative to his becoming possessed46 of the means to facilitate my escape, so that I was compelled to desist unsatisfied, and revert47 to what he had told me. — ‘But, then, that terrible passage near the vaults, — the chance, the fear that we may never emerge to light! Think of wandering amid sepulchral48 ruins, of stumbling over the bones of the dead, of encountering what I cannot describe, — the horror of being among those who are neither the living or the dead; — those dark and shadowless things that sport themselves with the reliques of the dead, and feast and love amid corruption49, — ghastly, mocking, and terrific. Must we pass near the vaults?’ — ‘What matter? perhaps I have more reason to dread them than you. Do you expect the spirit of your father to start from the earth to blast you?’ At these words, which he uttered in a tone intended to inspire me with confidence, I shuddered with horror. They were uttered by a parricide50, boasting of his crime in a church at midnight, amid saints, whose images were silent, but seemed to tremble. For relief I reverted51 to the unscaleable wall, and the difficulty of managing the ladder of ropes without detection. The same answer was on his lips, — ‘Leave that to me, — all that is settled.’ While he answered thus, he always turned his face away, and broke his words into monosyllables. At last I felt that the case was desperate, — that I must trust every thing to him. To him! Oh, my God! what I felt when I said this to myself! The conviction thrilled on my soul, — I am in his power. And yet, even under the impression, I could not help recurring52 to the impracticable difficulties that appeared to obstruct53 my escape. He then lost patience, — reproached me with timidity and ingratitude54; and, while resuming his naturally ferocious55 and menacing tone, I actually felt more confidence in him than when he had attempted to disguise it. Half-remonstrance, half-invective as it was, what he said displayed so much ability, intrepidity56, and art, that I began to feel a kind of doubtful security. I conceived, at least, that if any being on earth could effect my liberation, this was the man. He had no conception of fear, — no idea of conscience. When he hinted at his having murdered his father, it was done to impress me with an idea of his hardihood. I saw this from his expression, for I had involuntarily looked up at him. His eye had neither the hollowness of remorse57, or the wandering of fear, — it glared on me bold, challenging, and prominent. He had but one idea annexed58 to the word danger, — that of strong excitement. He undertook a perilous59 attempt as a gamester would sit down to encounter an antagonist61 worthy62 of him; and, if life and death were the stake, he only felt as if he were playing at a higher rate, and the increased demands on his courage and talent actually supplied him with the means of meeting them. Our conference was now nearly at an end, when it occurred to me that this man was exposing himself to a degree of danger which it was almost incredible he should brave on my account; and this mystery, at least, I was resolved to penetrate63. I said, ‘But how will you provide for your own safety? What will become of you when my escape is discovered? Would not the most dreadful punishments attend even the suspicion of your having been an agent in it, and what must be the result when that suspicion is exchanged for the most undeniable certainty?’ It is impossible for me to describe the change his expression underwent while I uttered these words. He looked at me for some time without speaking, with an indefinable mixture of sarcasm64, contempt, doubt, and curiosity in his countenance65, and then attempted to laugh, but the muscles of his face were too stubborn and harsh to admit of this modulation66. To features like his, frowns were a habit, and smiles a convulsion. He could produce nothing but a rictus Sardonicus, the terrors of which there is no describing. It is very frightful67 to behold crime in its merriment, — its smile must be purchased by many groans68. My blood ran cold as I looked at him. I waited for the sound of his voice as a kind of relief. At length he said, ‘Do you imagine me such an ideot as to promote your escape at the risk of imprisonment69 for life, — perhaps of immurement70, — perhaps of the Inquisition?’ and again he laughed. ‘No, we must escape together. Could you suppose I would have so much anxiety about an event, in which I had no part but that of an assistant? It was of my own danger I was thinking, — it was of my own safety I was doubtful. Our situation has happened to unite very opposite characters in the same adventure, but it is an union inevitable71 and inseparable. Your destiny is now bound to mine by a tie which no human force can break, — we part no more for ever. The secret that each is in possession of, must be watched by the other. Our lives are in each other’s hands, and a moment of absence might be that of treachery. We must pass life in each watching every breath the other draws, every glance the other gives, — in dreading72 sleep as an involuntary betrayer, and watching the broken murmurs73 of each other’s restless dreams. We may hate each other, torment75 each other, — worst of all, we may be weary of each other, (for hatred76 itself would be a relief, compared to the tedium77 of our inseparability), but separate we must never.’ At this picture of the liberty for which I had risked so much, my very soul recoiled78. I gazed on the formidable being with whom my existence was thus incorporated. He was now retiring, when he paused at some distance to repeat his last words, or perhaps to observe their effect. I was sitting on the altar, — it was late, — the lamps in the church burned very dimly, and, as he stood in the aisle79, he was placed in such a position, with regard to that which hung from the roof, that the light fell only on his face and one hand, which he extended towards me. The rest of his figure, enveloped80 in darkness, gave to this bodyless and spectre head an effect truly appalling81. The ferocity of his features, too, was softened82 into a heavy and death-like gloom, as he repeated, ‘We part never, — I must be near you for ever,’ and the deep tones of his voice rolled like subterranean83 thunder round the church. A long pause followed. He continued to stand in the same posture9, nor had I power to change mine. The clock struck three, its sound reminded me that my hour had expired. We separated, each taking different directions; and the two monks who succeeded me luckily came a few minutes late, (both of them yawning most fearfully), so our departure was unobserved.
‘The day that followed I have no more power of describing, than of analysing a dream to its component84 parts of sanity85, delirium86, defeated memory, and triumphant87 imagination. The sultan in the eastern tale who plunged88 his head in a bason of water, and, before he raised it again, passed through adventures the most vicissitudinous89 and incredible — was a monarch90, a slave, a husband, a widower91, a father, childless, — in five minutes, never underwent the changes of mind that I did during that memorable92 day. I was a prisoner, — free, — a happy being, surrounded by smiling infants, — a victim of the Inquisition, writhing93 amid flames and execrations. I was a maniac95, oscillating between hope and despair. I seemed to myself all that day to be pulling the rope of a bell, whose alternate knell96 was heaven — hell, and this rung in my ears with all the dreary97 and ceaseless monotony of the bell of the convent. Night came at last. I might almost say day came, for that day had been my night. Every thing was propitious98 to me, — the convent was all hushed. I put my head several times out of my cell, to be assured of this, — all was hushed. There was not a step in the corridor, — not a voice, not a whisper to be heard under a roof containing so many souls. I stole from my cell, I descended99 to the church. This was not unusual for those whose consciences or nerves were disturbed, during the sleepless100 gloom of a conventual night. As I advanced to the door of the church, where the lamps were always kept burning, I heard a human voice. I retreated in terror; — then I ventured to give a glance. An old monk2 was at prayers before one of the images of the saints, and the object of his prayers was to be relieved, not from the anguish101 of conscience, or the annihilation of monasticism, but from the pains of a toothache, for which he had been desired to apply his gums to the image of a saint quite notorious for her efficacy in such cases.1 The poor, old, tortured wretch102, prayed with all the fervency103 of agony, and then rubbed his gums over and over again on the cold marble, which increased his complaint, his suffering, and his devotion. I watched, listened, — there was something at once ludicrous and frightful in my situation. I felt inclined to laugh at my own distress104, while it was rising almost to agony every moment. I dreaded105, too, the approach of another intruder, and feeling my fear about to be realized by the approach of some one, I turned round, and, to my inexpressible relief, saw my companion. I made him comprehend, by a sign, how I was prevented from entering the church; he answered me in the same way, and retreated a few steps, but not without shewing me a bunch of huge keys under his habit. This revived my spirits, and I waited for another half-hour in a state of mental excruciation, which, were it inflicted106 on the bitterest enemy I have on earth, I think I would have cried, ‘Hold, — hold, spare him.’ The clock struck two, — I writhed107 and stamped with my feet, as loud as I dared, on the floor of the passage. I was not at all tranquillized by the visible impatience108 of my companion, who started, from time to time, from his hiding-place behind a pillar of the cloister109, flung on me a glance — no, a glare — of wild and restless inquiry110, (which I answered with one of despondency), and retired111, grinding curses between his teeth, whose horrible grating I could hear distinctly in the intervals112 of my long-withheld breath. At last I took a desperate step. I walked into the church, and, going straight up to the altar, prostrated113 myself on the steps. The old monk observed me. He believed that I had come there with the same purpose, if not with the same feelings, as himself; and he approached me, to announce his intention of joining in my aspirations114, and intreating an interest in them, as the pain had now reached from the lower jaw115 to the upper. There is something that one can hardly describe in this union of the lowest with the highest interests of life. I was a prisoner, panting for emancipation116, and staking my existence on the step I was compelled to take, — my whole interest for time, and perhaps for eternity117, hung on a moment; and beside me knelt a being whose destiny was decided118 already, who could be nothing but a monk for the few years of his worthless existence, and who was supplicating119 a short remission from a temporary pain, that I would have endured my whole life for an hour’s liberty. As he drew near me, and supplicated120 an interest in my prayers, I shrunk away. I felt a difference in the object of our addresses to God, that I dared not search my heart for the motive121 of. I knew not, at the moment, which of us was right, — he, whose prayer did no dishonour122 to the place, — or I, who was to struggle against a disorganized and unnatural123 state of life, whose vows124 I was about to violate. I knelt with him, however, and prayed for the removal of his pain with a sincerity that cannot be questioned, as the success of my petitions might be the means of procuring125 his absence. As I knelt, I trembled at my own hypocrisy126. I was profaning127 the altar of God, — I was mocking the sufferings of the being I supplicated for, — I was the worst of all hypocrites, a hypocrite on my knees, and at the altar. Yet, was I not compelled to be so? If I was a hypocrite, who had made me one? If I profaned128 the altar, who had dragged me there, to insult it by vows my soul belied130 and reversed faster than my lips could utter them? But this was no time for self-examination. I knelt, prayed, and trembled, till the poor sufferer, weary of his ineffectual and unanswered supplications, rose, and began to crawl away. For a few minutes I shivered in horrible anxiety, lest some other intruder might approach, but the quick decisive step that trod the aisle restored my confidence in a moment, — it was my companion. He stood beside me. He uttered a few curses, which sounded very shocking in my ears, more from the force of habit, and influence of the place, than from the meaning attached to them, and then hurried on to the door. A large bunch of keys was in his hand, and I followed instinctively131 this pledge of my liberation.
1 Vide Moore’s View of France and Italy.
‘The door was very low — we descended to it by four steps. He applied132 his key, muffling133 it in the sleeve of his habit to suppress the sound. At every application he recoiled, gnashed his teeth, stamped — then applied both hands. The lock did not give way — I clasped my hands in agony — I tossed them over my head. ‘Fetch a light,’ he said in a whisper; ‘take a lamp from before one of those figures.’ The levity134 with which he spoke135 of the holy images appalled136 me, and the act appeared to me nothing short of sacrilege; yet I went and took a lamp, which, with a shuddering137 hand, I held to him as he again tried the key. During this second attempt, we communicated in whispers those fears that left us scarce breath even for whispers. ‘Was not that a noise?’ — ‘No, it was the echo of this jarring, stubborn lock. Is there no one coming?’ — ‘Not one.’ — ‘Look out into the passage.’ — ‘Then I cannot hold the light to you.’ — ‘No matter — any thing but detection.’ — ‘Any thing for escape,’ I retorted with a courage that made him start, as I set down the lamp, and joined my strength to his to turn the key. It grated, resisted; the lock seemed invincible138. Again we tried, with cranched teeth, indrawn breath, and fingers stripped almost to the bone, — in vain. — Again — in vain. — Whether the natural ferocity of his temper bore disappointment worse than mine, or that, like many men of undoubted courage, he was impatient of a slight degree of physical pain, in a struggle where he would have risked and lost life without a murmur74, — or how it was, I know not, — but he sunk down on the steps leading to the door, wiped away the big drops of toil139 and terror from his forehead with the sleeve of his habit, and cast on me a look that was at once the pledge of sincerity and of despair. The clock struck three. The sound rung in my ears like the trumpet140 of the day of doom141 — the trumpet that will sound. He clasped his hands with a fierce and convulsive agony, that might have pictured the last struggles of the impenitent142 malefactor143, — that agony without remorse, that suffering without requital144 or consolation145, that, if I may say so, arrays crime in the dazzling robe of magnanimity, and makes us admire the fallen spirit, with whom we dare not sympathize. ‘We are undone146,’ he cried; ‘you are undone. At the hour of three another monk is to enter on his hour of recollection.’ And he added, in a lower tone of horror inexpressible, ‘I hear his steps in the passage.’ At the moment he uttered these words, the key, that I had never ceased to struggle with, turned in the lock. The door opened, the passage lay free to us. My companion recovered himself at the sight, and in the next moment we were both in the passage. Our first care was to remove the key, and lock the door on the inside; and during this, we had the satisfaction to discover, that there was no one in the church, no one approaching it. Our fears had deceived us; we retired from the door, looked at each other with a kind of breathless, half-revived confidence, and began our progress through the vault31 in silence and in safety. In safety! my God! I yet tremble at the thought of that subterranean journey, amid the vaults of a convent, with a parricide for my companion. But what is there that danger will not familiarize us with? Had I been told such a story of another, I would have denounced him as the most reckless and desperate being on earth — yet I was the man. I had secured the lamp, (whose light appeared to reproach me with sacrilege at every gleam it shed on our progress), and followed my companion in silence. Romances have made your country, Sir, familiar with tales of subterranean passages, and supernatural horrors. All these, painted by the most eloquent pen, must fall short of the breathless horror felt by a being engaged in an enterprise beyond his powers, experience, or calculation, driven to trust his life and liberation to hands that reeked147 with a father’s blood. It was in vain that I tried to make up my mind, — that I said to myself, ‘This is to last but for a short time,’ — that I struggled to force on myself the conviction that it was necessary to have such associates in desperate enterprises; — it was all in vain. I trembled at my situation, — at myself, and that is a terror we can never overcome. I stumbled over the stones, — I was chilled with horror at every step. A blue mist gathered before my eyes, — it furred the edges of the lamp with a dim and hazy148 light. My imagination began to operate, and when I heard the curses with which my companion reproached my involuntary delay, I began almost to fear that I was following the steps of a demon149, who had lured150 me there for purposes beyond the reach of imagination to picture. Tales of superstition151 crowded on me like images of terror on those who are in the dark. I had heard of infernal beings who deluded152 monks with the hopes of liberation, seduced153 them into the vaults of the convent, and then proposed conditions which it is almost as horrible to relate as to undergo the performance of. I thought of being forced to witness the unnatural revels154 of a diabolical155 feast, — of seeing the rotting flesh distributed, — of drinking the dead corrupted156 blood, — of hearing the anthems157 of fiends howled in insult, on that awful verge158 where life and eternity mingle159, — of hearing the hallelujahs of the choir160, echoed even through the vaults, where demons161 were yelling the black mass of their infernal Sabbath. — I thought of all that the interminable passages, the livid light, and the diabolical companion, might suggest.
‘Our wanderings in the passage seemed to be endless. My companion turned to right, to left, — advanced, retreated, paused, — (the pause was dreadful)! — Then advanced again, tried another direction, where the passage was so low that I was obliged to crawl on my hands and knees to follow him, and even in this posture my head struck against the ragged129 roof. When we had proceeded for a considerable time, (at least so it appeared to me, for minutes are hours in the noctuary of terror, — terror has no diary), this passage became so narrow and so low, that I could proceed no farther, and wondered how my companion could have advanced beyond me. I called to him, but received no answer; and, in the darkness of the passage, or rather hole, it was impossible to see ten inches before me. I had the lamp, too, to watch, which I had held with a careful trembling hand, but which began to burn dim in the condensed and narrow atmosphere. A gush162 of terror rose in my throat. Surrounded as I was by damps and dews, my whole body felt in a fever. I called again, but no voice answered. In situations of peril60, the imagination is unhappily fertile, and I could not help recollecting163 and applying a story I had once read of some travellers who attempted to explore the vaults of the Egyptian pyramids. One of them, who was advancing, as I was, on his hands and knees, stuck in the passage, and, whether from terror, or from the natural consequences of his situation, swelled164 so that it was impossible for him to retreat, advance, or allow a passage for his companions. The party were on their return, and finding their passage stopped by this irremoveable obstruction165, their lights trembling on the verge of extinction166, and their guide terrified beyond the power of direction or advice, proposed, in the selfishness to which the feeling of vital danger reduces all, to cut off the limbs of the wretched being who obstructed167 their passage. He heard this proposal, and, contracting himself with agony at the sound, was reduced, by that strong muscular spasm168, to his usual dimensions, dragged out, and afforded room for the party to advance. He was suffocated169, however, in the effort, and left behind a corse. All this detail, that takes many words to tell, rushed on my soul in a moment; — on my soul? — no, on my body. I was all physical feeling, — all intense corporeal170 agony, and God only knows, and man only can feel, how that agony can absorb and annihilate171 all other feeling within us, — how we could, in such a moment, feed on a parent, to gnaw172 out our passage into life and liberty, as sufferers in a wreck173 have been known to gnaw their own flesh, for the support of that existence which the unnatural morsel174 was diminishing at every agonizing175 bite.
‘I tried to crawl backwards176, — I succeeded. I believe the story I recollected177 had an effect on me, I felt a contraction178 of muscles corresponding to what I had read of. I felt myself almost liberated179 by the sensation, and the next moment I was actually so; — I had got out of the passage I knew not how. I must have made one of those extraordinary exertions180, whose energy is perhaps not only increased by, but dependent on, our unconsciousness of them. However it was, I was extricated181, and stood breathless and exhausted182, with the dying lamp in my hand, staring around me, and seeing nothing but the black and dripping walls, and the low arches of the vault, that seemed to lower over me like the frown of an eternal hostility183, — a frown that forbids hope or escape. The lamp was rapidly extinguishing in my hand, — I gazed on it with a fixed eye. I knew that my life, and, what was dearer than my life, my liberation, depended on my watching its last glimpse, yet I gazed on it with the eye of an ideot, — a stupified stare. The lamp glimmered184 more faintly, — its dying gleams awoke me to recollection. I roused myself, — I looked around. A strong flash discovered an object near me. I shuddered, — I uttered cries, though I was unconscious of doing so, for a voice said to me, — ‘Hush, be silent; I left you only to reconnoitre the passages. I have made out the way to the trap-door, — be silent, and all is well.’ I advanced trembling, my companion appeared trembling too. He whispered, ‘Is the lamp so nearly extinguished?’ — ‘You see.’ — ‘Try to keep it in for a few moments.’ — ‘I will; but, if I cannot, what then?’ — ‘Then we must perish,’ he added, with an execration94 that I thought would have brought down the vaults over our heads. It is certain, Sir, however, that desperate sentiments are best suited to desperate emergencies, and this wretch’s blasphemies185 gave me a kind of horrible confidence in his courage. On he went, muttering curses before me; and I followed, watching the last light of the lamp with agony increased by my fear of further provoking my horrible guide. I have before mentioned how our feelings, even in the most fearful exigencies186, dwindle187 into petty and wretched details. With all my care, however, the lamp declined, — quivered, — flashed a pale light, like the smile of despair on me, and was extinguished. I shall never forget the look my guide threw on me by its sinking light. I had watched it like the last beatings of an expiring heart, like the shiverings of a spirit about to part for eternity. I saw it extinguished and believed myself already among those for ‘whom the blackness of darkness is reserved for ever.’
‘It was at this moment that a faint sound reached our frozen ears; — it was the chaunt of matins, performed by candlelight at this season of the year, which was begun in the chapel188 now far above us. This voice of heaven thrilled us, — we seemed the pioneers of darkness, on the very frontiers of hell. This superb insult of celestial189 triumph, that amid the strains of hope spoke despair to us, announced a God to those who were stopping their ears against the sound of his name, had an effect indescribably awful. I fell to the ground, whether from stumbling from the darkness, or shrinking from emotion, I know not. I was roused by the rough arm, and rougher voice of my companion. Amid execrations that froze my blood, he told me this was no time for failing or for fear. I asked him, trembling, what I was to do? He answered, ‘Follow me, and feel your way in darkness.’ Dreadful sounds! — Those who tell us the whole of our calamity190 always appear malignant191, for our hearts, or our imaginations, always flatter us that it is not so great as reality proves it to be. Truth is told us by any mouth sooner than our own.
‘In darkness, total darkness, and on my hands and knees, for I could no longer stand, I followed him. This motion soon affected192 my head; I grew giddy first, then stupified. I paused. He growled193 a curse, and I instinctively quickened my movements, like a dog who hears the voice of a chiding194 master. My habit was now in rags from my struggles, my knees and hands stript of skin. I had received several severe bruises195 on my head, from striking against the jagged and unhewn stones which formed the irregular sides and roof of this eternal passage. And, above all, the unnatural atmosphere, combined with the intensity196 of my emotion, had produced a thirst, the agony of which I can compare to nothing but that of a burning coal dropt into my throat, which I seemed to suck for moisture, but which left only drops of fire on my tongue. Such was my state, when I called out to my companion that I could proceed no farther. ‘Stay there and rot, then,’ was the answer; and perhaps the most soothing197 words of encouragement could not have produced so strong an effect on me. This confidence of despair, this bravado198 against danger, that menaced the power in his very citadel199, gave me a temporary courage, — but what is courage amid darkness and doubt? From the faultering steps, the suffocated breath, the muttered curses, I guessed what was going on. I was right. The final — hopeless stop followed instantly, announced by the last wild sob200, the cranching of despairing teeth, the clasping, or rather clap, of the locked hands, in the terrible extacy of utter agony. I was kneeling behind him at that moment, and I echoed every cry and gesture with a violence that started my guide. He silenced me with curses. Then he attempted to pray; but his prayers sounded so like curses, and his curses were so like prayers to the evil one, that, choaking with horror, I implored201 him to cease. He did cease, and for nearly half an hour neither of us uttered a word. We lay beside each other like two panting dogs that I have read of, who lay down to die close to the animal they pursued, whose fur they fanned with their dying breath, while unable to mouthe her.
‘Such appeared emancipation to us, — so near, and yet so hopeless. We lay thus, not daring to speak to each other, for who could speak but of despair, and which of us dared to aggravate202 the despair of the other. This kind of fear which we know already felt by others, and which we dread to aggravate by uttering, even to those who know it, is perhaps the most horrible sensation ever experienced. The very thirst of my body seemed to vanish in this fiery203 thirst of the soul for communication, where all communication was unutterable, impossible, hopeless. Perhaps the condemned204 spirits will feel thus at their final sentence, when they know all that is to be suffered, and dare not disclose to each other that horrible truth which is no longer a secret, but which the profound silence of their despair would seem to make one. The secret of silence is the only secret. Words are a blasphemy205 against that taciturn and invisible God, whose presence enshrouds us in our last extremity206. These moments that appeared to me endless, were soon to cease. My companion sprung up, — he uttered a cry of joy. I imagined him deranged207, — he was not. He exclaimed, ‘Light, light, — the light of heaven; we are near the trap-door, I see the light through it.’ Amid all the horrors of our situation, he had kept his eye constantly turned upwards208, for he knew that, if we were near it, the smallest glimmering209 of light would be visible in the intense darkness that enveloped us. He was right. I started up, — I saw it too. With locked hands, with dropt and wordless lips, with dilated210 and thirsting eyes, we gazed upwards. A thin line of grey light appeared above our heads. It broadened, it grew brighter, — it was the light of heaven, and its breezes too came fluttering to us through the chinks of the trap-door that opened into the garden.’
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1
monks
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| n.修道士，僧侣( monk的名词复数 ) | |
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monk
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| n.和尚，僧侣，修道士 | |
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nuns
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| n.（通常指基督教的）修女， （佛教的）尼姑( nun的名词复数 ) | |
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superstitious
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| adj.迷信的 | |
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repelled
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| v.击退( repel的过去式和过去分词 )；使厌恶；排斥；推开 | |
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recesses
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| n.壁凹( recess的名词复数 )；（工作或业务活动的）中止或暂停期间；学校的课间休息；某物内部的凹形空间v.把某物放在墙壁的凹处( recess的第三人称单数 )；将（墙）做成凹形，在（墙）上做壁龛；休息，休会，休庭 | |
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homage
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| n.尊敬，敬意，崇敬 | |
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imposture
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| n.冒名顶替，欺骗 | |
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posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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deception
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| n.欺骗，欺诈；骗局，诡计 | |
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allotted
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| 分配，拨给，摊派( allot的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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contriving
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| （不顾困难地）促成某事( contrive的现在分词 )； 巧妙地策划，精巧地制造（如机器）； 设法做到 | |
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13
shrouding
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| n.覆盖v.隐瞒( shroud的现在分词 )；保密 | |
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shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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15
alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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entrust
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| v.信赖，信托，交托 | |
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eloquent
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| adj.雄辩的，口才流利的；明白显示出的 | |
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eloquence
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| n.雄辩；口才，修辞 | |
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casement
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| n.竖铰链窗；窗扉 | |
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behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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22
supplicate
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| v.恳求；adv.祈求地，哀求地，恳求地 | |
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blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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25
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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sinister
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| adj.不吉利的，凶恶的，左边的 | |
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descend
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| vt./vi.传下来，下来，下降 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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30
vaults
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| n.拱顶( vault的名词复数 )；地下室；撑物跳高；墓穴 | |
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vault
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| n.拱形圆顶，地窖，地下室 | |
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momentous
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| adj.重要的，重大的 | |
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windings
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| （道路、河流等）蜿蜒的，弯曲的( winding的名词复数 )； 缠绕( wind的现在分词 )； 卷绕； 转动（把手） | |
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34
obviate
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| v.除去，排除，避免，预防 | |
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malignity
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| n.极度的恶意，恶毒；（病的）恶性 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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secrecy
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| n.秘密，保密，隐蔽 | |
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38
bribe
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| n.贿赂；v.向…行贿，买通 | |
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perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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distilling
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| n.蒸馏（作用）v.蒸馏( distil的过去式和过去分词 )( distilled的过去分词 )；从…提取精华 | |
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42
ascend
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| vi.渐渐上升，升高；vt.攀登，登上 | |
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43
monastery
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| n.修道院，僧院，寺院 | |
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44
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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45
monotonous
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| adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的 | |
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46
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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47
revert
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| v.恢复，复归，回到 | |
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48
sepulchral
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| adj.坟墓的，阴深的 | |
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49
corruption
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| n.腐败，堕落，贪污 | |
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50
parricide
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| n.杀父母；杀亲罪 | |
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51
reverted
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| 恢复( revert的过去式和过去分词 )； 重提； 回到…上； 归还 | |
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52
recurring
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| adj.往复的，再次发生的 | |
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53
obstruct
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| v.阻隔，阻塞(道路、通道等)；n.阻碍物，障碍物 | |
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54
ingratitude
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| n.忘恩负义 | |
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55
ferocious
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| adj.凶猛的，残暴的，极度的，十分强烈的 | |
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56
intrepidity
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| n.大胆，刚勇；大胆的行为 | |
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57
remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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58
annexed
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| [法] 附加的，附属的 | |
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59
perilous
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| adj.危险的，冒险的 | |
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60
peril
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| n.(严重的)危险；危险的事物 | |
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61
antagonist
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| n.敌人，对抗者，对手 | |
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62
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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63
penetrate
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| v.透(渗)入；刺入，刺穿；洞察，了解 | |
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64
sarcasm
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| n.讥讽，讽刺，嘲弄，反话 （adj.sarcastic） | |
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65
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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66
modulation
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| n.调制 | |
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67
frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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68
groans
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| n.呻吟，叹息( groan的名词复数 )；呻吟般的声音v.呻吟( groan的第三人称单数 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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69
imprisonment
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| n.关押，监禁，坐牢 | |
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70
immurement
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| n.监禁，禁闭 | |
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71
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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72
dreading
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| v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的现在分词 ) | |
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73
murmurs
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| n.低沉、连续而不清的声音( murmur的名词复数 )；低语声；怨言；嘀咕 | |
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74
murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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75
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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76
hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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77
tedium
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| n.单调；烦闷 | |
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78
recoiled
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| v.畏缩( recoil的过去式和过去分词 )；退缩；报应；返回 | |
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79
aisle
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| n.（教堂、教室、戏院等里的）过道，通道 | |
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80
enveloped
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| v.包围，笼罩，包住( envelop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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81
appalling
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| adj.骇人听闻的，令人震惊的，可怕的 | |
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82
softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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83
subterranean
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| adj.地下的，地表下的 | |
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84
component
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| n.组成部分，成分，元件；adj.组成的，合成的 | |
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85
sanity
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| n.心智健全，神智正常，判断正确 | |
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86
delirium
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| n. 神智昏迷,说胡话;极度兴奋 | |
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87
triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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88
plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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89
vicissitudinous
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| adj.有变化的，变迁的 | |
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90
monarch
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| n.帝王，君主，最高统治者 | |
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91
widower
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| n.鳏夫 | |
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92
memorable
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| adj.值得回忆的，难忘的，特别的，显著的 | |
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93
writhing
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| （因极度痛苦而）扭动或翻滚( writhe的现在分词 ) | |
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94
execration
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| n.诅咒，念咒，憎恶 | |
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95
maniac
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| n.精神癫狂的人；疯子 | |
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96
knell
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| n.丧钟声；v.敲丧钟 | |
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97
dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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98
propitious
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| adj.吉利的；顺利的 | |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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sleepless
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| adj.不睡眠的，睡不著的，不休息的 | |
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101
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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102
wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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103
fervency
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| n.热情的；强烈的；热烈 | |
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104
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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105
dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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106
inflicted
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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107
writhed
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| （因极度痛苦而）扭动或翻滚( writhe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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108
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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109
cloister
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| n.修道院；v.隐退，使与世隔绝 | |
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110
inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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111
retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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112
intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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113
prostrated
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| v.使俯伏，使拜倒( prostrate的过去式和过去分词 )；（指疾病、天气等）使某人无能为力 | |
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114
aspirations
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| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
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115
jaw
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| n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训 | |
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116
emancipation
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| n.（从束缚、支配下）解放 | |
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117
eternity
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| n.不朽，来世；永恒，无穷 | |
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118
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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119
supplicating
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| v.祈求，哀求，恳求( supplicate的现在分词 ) | |
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120
supplicated
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| v.祈求，哀求，恳求( supplicate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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121
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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122
dishonour
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| n./vt.拒付（支票、汇票、票据等）；vt.凌辱，使丢脸；n.不名誉，耻辱，不光彩 | |
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123
unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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124
vows
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| 誓言( vow的名词复数 )； 郑重宣布，许愿 | |
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125
procuring
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| v.（努力）取得， （设法）获得( procure的现在分词 )；拉皮条 | |
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126
hypocrisy
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| n.伪善，虚伪 | |
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127
profaning
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| v.不敬( profane的现在分词 )；亵渎，玷污 | |
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128
profaned
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| v.不敬( profane的过去式和过去分词 )；亵渎，玷污 | |
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129
ragged
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| adj.衣衫褴褛的，粗糙的，刺耳的 | |
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130
belied
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| v.掩饰( belie的过去式和过去分词 )；证明（或显示）…为虚假；辜负；就…扯谎 | |
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131
instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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132
applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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133
muffling
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| v.压抑，捂住( muffle的现在分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己） | |
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134
levity
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| n.轻率，轻浮，不稳定，多变 | |
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135
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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136
appalled
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| v.使惊骇，使充满恐惧( appall的过去式和过去分词)adj.惊骇的；丧胆的 | |
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137
shuddering
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| v.战栗( shudder的现在分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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138
invincible
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| adj.不可征服的，难以制服的 | |
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139
toil
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| vi.辛劳工作，艰难地行动；n.苦工，难事 | |
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140
trumpet
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| n.喇叭，喇叭声；v.吹喇叭，吹嘘 | |
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141
doom
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| n.厄运，劫数；v.注定，命定 | |
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142
impenitent
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| adj.不悔悟的，顽固的 | |
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143
malefactor
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| n.罪犯 | |
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144
requital
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| n.酬劳；报复 | |
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145
consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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146
undone
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| a.未做完的，未完成的 | |
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147
reeked
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| v.发出浓烈的臭气( reek的过去式和过去分词 )；散发臭气；发出难闻的气味 (of sth)；明显带有（令人不快或生疑的跡象） | |
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148
hazy
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| adj.有薄雾的，朦胧的；不肯定的，模糊的 | |
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149
demon
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| n.魔鬼，恶魔 | |
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150
lured
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| 吸引，引诱（lure的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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151
superstition
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| n.迷信，迷信行为 | |
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152
deluded
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| v.欺骗，哄骗( delude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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153
seduced
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| 诱奸( seduce的过去式和过去分词 )； 勾引； 诱使堕落； 使入迷 | |
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154
revels
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| n.作乐( revel的名词复数 )；狂欢；着迷；陶醉v.作乐( revel的第三人称单数 )；狂欢；着迷；陶醉 | |
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155
diabolical
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| adj.恶魔似的，凶暴的 | |
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156
corrupted
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| （使）败坏( corrupt的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）腐化； 引起（计算机文件等的）错误； 破坏 | |
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157
anthems
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| n.赞美诗( anthem的名词复数 )；圣歌；赞歌；颂歌 | |
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158
verge
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| n.边，边缘；v.接近，濒临 | |
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159
mingle
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| vt.使混合，使相混；vi.混合起来；相交往 | |
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160
choir
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| n.唱诗班，唱诗班的席位，合唱团，舞蹈团；v.合唱 | |
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161
demons
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| n.恶人( demon的名词复数 )；恶魔；精力过人的人；邪念 | |
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162
gush
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| v.喷，涌；滔滔不绝(说话)；n.喷，涌流；迸发 | |
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163
recollecting
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| v.记起，想起( recollect的现在分词 ) | |
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164
swelled
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| 增强( swell的过去式和过去分词 )； 肿胀； （使）凸出； 充满（激情） | |
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165
obstruction
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| n.阻塞，堵塞；障碍物 | |
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166
extinction
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| n.熄灭，消亡，消灭，灭绝，绝种 | |
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167
obstructed
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| 阻塞( obstruct的过去式和过去分词 )； 堵塞； 阻碍； 阻止 | |
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168
spasm
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| n.痉挛，抽搐；一阵发作 | |
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169
suffocated
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| （使某人）窒息而死( suffocate的过去式和过去分词 )； （将某人）闷死； 让人感觉闷热； 憋气 | |
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170
corporeal
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| adj.肉体的，身体的；物质的 | |
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171
annihilate
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| v.使无效；毁灭；取消 | |
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172
gnaw
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| v.不断地啃、咬；使苦恼，折磨 | |
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173
wreck
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| n.失事，遇难；沉船；vt.(船等)失事，遇难 | |
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174
morsel
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| n.一口，一点点 | |
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175
agonizing
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| adj.痛苦难忍的；使人苦恼的v.使极度痛苦；折磨(agonize的ing形式) | |
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176
backwards
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| adv.往回地，向原处，倒，相反，前后倒置地 | |
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177
recollected
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| adj.冷静的；镇定的；被回忆起的；沉思默想的v.记起，想起( recollect的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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178
contraction
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| n.缩略词，缩写式，害病 | |
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179
liberated
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| a.无拘束的，放纵的 | |
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180
exertions
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| n.努力( exertion的名词复数 )；费力；（能力、权力等的）运用；行使 | |
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181
extricated
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| v.使摆脱困难，脱身( extricate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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182
exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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183
hostility
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| n.敌对，敌意；抵制［pl.］交战，战争 | |
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184
glimmered
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| v.发闪光，发微光( glimmer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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185
blasphemies
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| n.对上帝的亵渎，亵渎的言词[行为]( blasphemy的名词复数 )；侮慢的言词（或行为） | |
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186
exigencies
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| n.急切需要 | |
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187
dwindle
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| v.逐渐变小（或减少） | |
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188
chapel
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| n.小教堂，殡仪馆 | |
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189
celestial
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| adj.天体的；天上的 | |
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190
calamity
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| n.灾害，祸患，不幸事件 | |
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191
malignant
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| adj.恶性的，致命的；恶意的，恶毒的 | |
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192
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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193
growled
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| v.（动物）发狺狺声， （雷）作隆隆声( growl的过去式和过去分词 )；低声咆哮着说 | |
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194
chiding
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| v.责骂，责备( chide的现在分词 ) | |
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195
bruises
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| n.瘀伤，伤痕，擦伤( bruise的名词复数 ) | |
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196
intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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197
soothing
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| adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的 | |
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198
bravado
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| n.虚张声势，故作勇敢，逞能 | |
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199
citadel
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| n.城堡；堡垒；避难所 | |
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200
sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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201
implored
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| 恳求或乞求（某人）( implore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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202
aggravate
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| vt.加重(剧)，使恶化；激怒，使恼火 | |
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203
fiery
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| adj.燃烧着的，火红的；暴躁的；激烈的 | |
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204
condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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205
blasphemy
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| n.亵渎，渎神 | |
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206
extremity
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| n.末端，尽头；尽力；终极；极度 | |
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207
deranged
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| adj.疯狂的 | |
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208
upwards
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| adv.向上，在更高处...以上 | |
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209
glimmering
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| n.微光，隐约的一瞥adj.薄弱地发光的v.发闪光，发微光( glimmer的现在分词 ) | |
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210
dilated
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| adj.加宽的，扩大的v.（使某物）扩大，膨胀，张大( dilate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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