Mr Swiveller had scarcely sprung off his seat and commenced the performance of a maniac5 hornpipe, when he was interrupted, in the fulness of his joy at being again alone, by the opening of the door, and the reappearance of Miss Sally’s head.
‘I am going out,’ said Miss Brass.
‘Very good, ma’am,’ returned Dick. ‘And don’t hurry yourself on my account to come back, ma’am,’ he added inwardly.
‘If anybody comes on office business, take their messages, and say that the gentleman who attends to that matter isn’t in at present, will you?’ said Miss Brass.
‘I will, ma’am,’ replied Dick.
‘I shan’t be very long,’ said Miss Brass, retiring.
‘I’m sorry to hear it, ma’am,’ rejoined Dick when she had shut the door. ‘I hope you may be unexpectedly detained, ma’am. If you could manage to be run over, ma’am, but not seriously, so much the better.’
Uttering these expressions of good-will with extreme gravity, Mr Swiveller sat down in the client’s chair and pondered; then took a few turns up and down the room and fell into the chair again.
‘So I’m Brass’s clerk, am I?’ said Dick. ‘Brass’s clerk, eh? And the clerk of Brass’s sister — clerk to a female Dragon. Very good, very good! What shall I be next? Shall I be a convict in a felt hat and a grey suit, trotting6 about a dockyard with my number neatly7 embroidered8 on my uniform, and the order of the garter on my leg, restrained from chafing9 my ankle by a twisted belcher handkerchief? Shall I be that? Will that do, or is it too genteel? Whatever you please, have it your own way, of course.’
As he was entirely10 alone, it may be presumed that, in these remarks, Mr Swiveller addressed himself to his fate or destiny, whom, as we learn by the precedents11, it is the custom of heroes to taunt12 in a very bitter and ironical13 manner when they find themselves in situations of an unpleasant nature. This is the more probable from the circumstance of Mr Swiveller directing his observations to the ceiling, which these bodily personages are usually supposed to inhabit — except in theatrical14 cases, when they live in the heart of the great chandelier.
‘Quilp offers me this place, which he says he can insure me,’ resumed Dick after a thoughtful silence, and telling off the circumstances of his position, one by one, upon his fingers; ‘Fred, who, I could have taken my affidavit15, would not have heard of such a thing, backs Quilp to my astonishment16, and urges me to take it also — staggerer, number one! My aunt in the country stops the supplies, and writes an affectionate note to say that she has made a new will, and left me out of it — staggerer, number two. No money; no credit; no support from Fred, who seems to turn steady all at once; notice to quit the old lodgings17 — staggerers, three, four, five, and six! Under an accumulation of staggerers, no man can be considered a free agent. No man knocks himself down; if his destiny knocks him down, his destiny must pick him up again. Then I’m very glad that mine has brought all this upon itself, and I shall be as careless as I can, and make myself quite at home to spite it. So go on my buck,’ said Mr Swiveller, taking his leave of the ceiling with a significant nod, ‘and let us see which of us will be tired first!’
Dismissing the subject of his downfall with these reflections, which were no doubt very profound, and are indeed not altogether unknown in certain systems of moral philosophy, Mr Swiveller shook off his despondency and assumed the cheerful ease of an irresponsible clerk.
As a means towards his composure and self-possession, he entered into a more minute examination of the office than he had yet had time to make; looked into the wig-box, the books, and ink-bottle; untied18 and inspected all the papers; carved a few devices on the table with a sharp blade of Mr Brass’s penknife; and wrote his name on the inside of the wooden coal-scuttle. Having, as it were, taken formal possession of his clerkship in virtue19 of these proceedings20, he opened the window and leaned negligently21 out of it until a beer-boy happened to pass, whom he commanded to set down his tray and to serve him with a pint22 of mild porter, which he drank upon the spot and promptly23 paid for, with the view of breaking ground for a system of future credit and opening a correspondence tending thereto, without loss of time. Then, three or four little boys dropped in, on legal errands from three or four attorneys of the Brass grade: whom Mr Swiveller received and dismissed with about as professional a manner, and as correct and comprehensive an understanding of their business, as would have been shown by a clown in a pantomime under similar circumstances. These things done and over, he got upon his stool again and tried his hand at drawing caricatures of Miss Brass with a pen and ink, whistling very cheerfully all the time.
He was occupied in this diversion when a coach stopped near the door, and presently afterwards there was a loud double-knock. As this was no business of Mr Swiveller’s, the person not ringing the office bell, he pursued his diversion with perfect composure, notwithstanding that he rather thought there was nobody else in the house.
In this, however, he was mistaken; for, after the knock had been repeated with increased impatience24, the door was opened, and somebody with a very heavy tread went up the stairs and into the room above. Mr Swiveller was wondering whether this might be another Miss Brass, twin sister to the Dragon, when there came a rapping of knuckles25 at the office door.
‘Come in!’ said Dick. ‘Don’t stand upon ceremony. The business will get rather complicated if I’ve many more customers. Come in!’
‘Oh, please,’ said a little voice very low down in the doorway26, ‘will you come and show the lodgings?’
Dick leant over the table, and descried27 a small slipshod girl in a dirty coarse apron28 and bib, which left nothing of her visible but her face and feet. She might as well have been dressed in a violin-case.
‘Why, who are you?’ said Dick.
To which the only reply was, ‘Oh, please will you come and show the lodgings?’
There never was such an old-fashioned child in her looks and manner. She must have been at work from her cradle. She seemed as much afraid of Dick, as Dick was amazed at her.
‘I hav’n’t got anything to do with the lodgings,’ said Dick. ‘Tell ’em to call again.’
‘Oh, but please will you come and show the lodgings,’ returned the girl; ‘It’s eighteen shillings a week and us finding plate and linen29. Boots and clothes is extra, and fires in winter-time is eightpence a day.’
‘Why don’t you show ’em yourself? You seem to know all about ’em,’ said Dick.
‘Miss Sally said I wasn’t to, because people wouldn’t believe the attendance was good if they saw how small I was first.’
‘Well, but they’ll see how small you are afterwards, won’t they?’ said Dick.
‘Ah! But then they’ll have taken ’em for a fortnight certain,’ replied the child with a shrewd look; ‘and people don’t like moving when they’re once settled.’
‘This is a queer sort of thing,’ muttered Dick, rising. ‘What do you mean to say you are — the cook?’
‘Yes, I do plain cooking;’ replied the child. ‘I’m housemaid too; I do all the work of the house.’
‘I suppose Brass and the Dragon and I do the dirtiest part of it,’ thought Dick. And he might have thought much more, being in a doubtful and hesitating mood, but that the girl again urged her request, and certain mysterious bumping sounds on the passage and staircase seemed to give note of the applicant’s impatience. Richard Swiveller, therefore, sticking a pen behind each ear, and carrying another in his mouth as a token of his great importance and devotion to business, hurried out to meet and treat with the single gentleman.
He was a little surprised to perceive that the bumping sounds were occasioned by the progress up-stairs of the single gentleman’s trunk, which, being nearly twice as wide as the staircase, and exceedingly heavy withal, it was no easy matter for the united exertions30 of the single gentleman and the coachman to convey up the steep ascent32. But there they were, crushing each other, and pushing and pulling with all their might, and getting the trunk tight and fast in all kinds of impossible angles, and to pass them was out of the question; for which sufficient reason, Mr Swiveller followed slowly behind, entering a new protest on every stair against the house of Mr Sampson Brass being thus taken by storm.
To these remonstrances33, the single gentleman answered not a word, but when the trunk was at last got into the bed-room, sat down upon it and wiped his bald head and face with his handkerchief. He was very warm, and well he might be; for, not to mention the exertion31 of getting the trunk up stairs, he was closely muffled34 in winter garments, though the thermometer had stood all day at eighty-one in the shade.
‘I believe, sir,’ said Richard Swiveller, taking his pen out of his mouth, ‘that you desire to look at these apartments. They are very charming apartments, sir. They command an uninterrupted view of — of over the way, and they are within one minute’s walk of — of the corner of the street. There is exceedingly mild porter, sir, in the immediate35 vicinity, and the contingent36 advantages are extraordinary.’
‘What’s the rent?’ said the single gentleman.
‘One pound per week,’ replied Dick, improving on the terms.
‘I’ll take ’em.’
‘The boots and clothes are extras,’ said Dick; ‘and the fires in winter time are —’
‘Are all agreed to,’ answered the single gentleman.
‘Two weeks certain,’ said Dick, ‘are the —’
‘Two weeks!’ cried the single gentleman gruffly, eyeing him from top to toe. ‘Two years. I shall live here for two years. Here. Ten pounds down. The bargain’s made.’
‘Why you see,’ said Dick, ‘my name is not Brass, and —’
‘Who said it was? My name’s not Brass. What then?’
‘The name of the master of the house is,’ said Dick.
‘I’m glad of it,’ returned the single gentleman; ‘it’s a good name for a lawyer. Coachman, you may go. So may you, Sir.’
Mr Swiveller was so much confounded by the single gentleman riding roughshod over him at this rate, that he stood looking at him almost as hard as he had looked at Miss Sally. The single gentleman, however, was not in the slightest degree affected37 by this circumstance, but proceeded with perfect composure to unwind the shawl which was tied round his neck, and then to pull off his boots. Freed of these encumbrances38, he went on to divest39 himself of his other clothing, which he folded up, piece by piece, and ranged in order on the trunk. Then, he pulled down the window-blinds, drew the curtains, wound up his watch, and, quite leisurely40 and methodically, got into bed.
‘Take down the bill,’ were his parting words, as he looked out from between the curtains; ‘and let nobody call me till I ring the bell.’
With that the curtains closed, and he seemed to snore immediately.
‘This is a most remarkable41 and supernatural sort of house!’ said Mr Swiveller, as he walked into the office with the bill in his hand. ‘She-dragons in the business, conducting themselves like professional gentlemen; plain cooks of three feet high appearing mysteriously from under ground; strangers walking in and going to bed without leave or licence in the middle of the day! If he should be one of the miraculous42 fellows that turn up now and then, and has gone to sleep for two years, I shall be in a pleasant situation. It’s my destiny, however, and I hope Brass may like it. I shall be sorry if he don’t. But it’s no business of mine — I have nothing whatever to do with it!’
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1
diligent
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| adj.勤勉的，勤奋的 | |
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2
brass
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| n.黄铜；黄铜器，铜管乐器 | |
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temperate
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| adj.温和的，温带的，自我克制的，不过分的 | |
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4
refreshment
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| n.恢复，精神爽快，提神之事物；（复数）refreshments:点心，茶点 | |
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maniac
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| n.精神癫狂的人；疯子 | |
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trotting
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| 小跑，急走( trot的现在分词 )； 匆匆忙忙地走 | |
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neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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embroidered
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| adj．绣花的 | |
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chafing
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| n.皮肤发炎v.擦热（尤指皮肤）( chafe的现在分词 )；擦痛；发怒；惹怒 | |
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10
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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11
precedents
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| 引用单元； 范例( precedent的名词复数 )； 先前出现的事例； 前例； 先例 | |
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taunt
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| n.辱骂，嘲弄；v.嘲弄 | |
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ironical
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| adj.讽刺的，冷嘲的 | |
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theatrical
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| adj.剧场的，演戏的；做戏似的，做作的 | |
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15
affidavit
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| n.宣誓书 | |
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astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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lodgings
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| n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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untied
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| 松开，解开( untie的过去式和过去分词 )； 解除，使自由； 解决 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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proceedings
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| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
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negligently
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pint
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| n.品脱 | |
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promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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25
knuckles
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| n.（指人）指关节( knuckle的名词复数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝v.（指人）指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝 | |
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26
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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descried
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| adj.被注意到的，被发现的，被看到的 | |
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apron
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| n.围裙；工作裙 | |
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linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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exertions
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| n.努力( exertion的名词复数 )；费力；（能力、权力等的）运用；行使 | |
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exertion
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| n.尽力，努力 | |
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32
ascent
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| n.(声望或地位)提高；上升，升高；登高 | |
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remonstrances
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| n.抱怨，抗议( remonstrance的名词复数 ) | |
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muffled
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| adj.（声音）被隔的；听不太清的；（衣服）裹严的；蒙住的v.压抑，捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己） | |
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35
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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contingent
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| adj.视条件而定的；n.一组，代表团，分遣队 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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38
encumbrances
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| n.负担( encumbrance的名词复数 )；累赘；妨碍；阻碍 | |
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39
divest
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| v.脱去，剥除 | |
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40
leisurely
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| adj.悠闲的；从容的，慢慢的 | |
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41
remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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42
miraculous
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| adj.像奇迹一样的，不可思议的 | |
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