Cato, the Thessalian, was wont5 to say that some things may be done unjustly, that many things may be done justly. — LORD BACON (being a justification6 of every rascality).
Although our three worthies7 had taken unto themselves a splendid lodging8 in Milsom Street, which, to please Ned, was over a hairdresser’s shop, yet, instead of returning thither9, or repairing to such taverns10 as might seem best befitting their fashion and garb11, they struck at once from the gay parts of the town, and tarried not till they reached a mean-looking alehouse in a remote suburb.
The door was opened to them by an elderly lady; and Clifford, stalking before his companions into an apartment at the back of the house, asked if the other gentlemen were come yet.
“No,” returned the dame12. “Old Mr. Bags came in about ten minutes ago; but hearing more work might be done, he went out again.”
“Bring the lush and the pipes, old blone!” cried Ned, throwing himself on a bench; “we are never at a loss for company!”
“You, indeed, never can be, who are always inseparably connected with the object of your admiration13,” said Tomlin, son, dryly, and taking up an old newspaper. Ned, who, though choleric14, was a capital fellow, and could bear a joke on himself, smiled, and drawing forth15 a little pair of scissors, began trimming his nails.
“Curse me,” said he, after a momentary16 silence, “if this is not a devilish deal pleasanter than playing the fine gentleman in that great room, with a rose in one’s button-hole! What say you, Master Lovett?”
Clifford (as henceforth, despite his other aliases17, we shall denominate our hero), who had thrown himself at full length on a bench at the far end of the room, and who seemed plunged18 into a sullen19 revery, now looked up for a moment, and then, turning round and presenting the dorsal20 part of his body to Long Ned, muttered, “Fish!”
“Harkye, Master Lovett!” said Long Ned, colouring. “I don’t know what has come over you of late; but I would have you to learn that gentlemen are entitled to courtesy and polite behaviour; and so, d’ ye see, if you ride your high horse upon me, splice21 my extremities22 if I won’t have satisfaction!”
“Hist, man! be quiet,” said Tomlinson, philosophically25, snuffing the candles —
“‘For companions to quarrel,
Is extremely immoral26.’
“Don’t you see that the captain is in a revery? What good man ever loves to be interrupted in his meditations27? Even Alfred the Great could not bear it! Perhaps at this moment, with the true anxiety of a worthy28 chief, the captain is designing something for our welfare!”
“Captain indeed!” muttered Long Ned, darting30 a wrathful look at Clifford, who had not deigned31 to pay any attention to Mr. Pepper’s threat; “for my part I cannot conceive what was the matter with us when we chose this green slip of the gallows-tree for our captain of the district. To be sure, he did very well at first, and that robbery of the old lord was not ill-planned; but lately —”
“Nay32, nay,” quoth Augustus, interrupting the gigantic grumbler33; “the nature of man is prone34 to discontent. Allow that our present design of setting up the gay Lothario, and trying our chances at Bath for an heiress, is owing as much to Lovett’s promptitude as to our invention.”
“And what good will come of it?” returned Ned, as he lighted his pipe; “answer me that. Was I not dressed as fine as a lord, and did not I walk three times up and down that great room without being a jot35 the better for it?”
“Ah! but you know not how many secret conquests you may have made. You cannot win a prize by looking upon it.”
“Humph!” grunted36 Ned, applying himself discontentedly to the young existence of his pipe.
“As for the captain’s partner,” renewed Tomlinson, who maliciously37 delighted in exciting the jealousy38 of the handsome “tax-collector,”— for that was the designation by which Augustus thought proper to style himself and companions — “I will turn Tory if she be not already half in love with him; and did you hear the old gentleman who cut into our rubber say what a fine fortune she had? Faith, Ned, it is lucky for us two that we all agreed to go shares in our marriage speculations39; I fancy the worthy captain will think it a bad bargain for himself.”
“I am not so sure of that, Mr. Tomlinson,” said Long Ned, sourly eying his comrade. “Some women may be caught by a smooth skin and a showy manner; but real masculine beauty — eyes, colour, and hair — Mr. Tomlinson, must ultimately make its way; so hand me the brandy, and cease your jaw41.”
“Well, well,” said Tomlinson, “I’ll give you a toast — ‘The prettiest girl in England,’ and that’s Miss Brandon!”
“You shall give no such toast, sir!” said Clifford, starting from the bench. “What the devil is Miss Brandon to you? And now, Ned,” seeing that the tall hero looked on him with an unfavourable aspect, “here’s my hand; forgive me if I was uncivil. Tomlinson will tell you, in a maxim42, men are changeable. Here’s to your health; and it shall not be my fault, gentlemen, if we have not a merry evening!”
This speech, short as it was, met with great applause from the two friends; and Clifford, as president, stationed himself in a huge chair at the head of the table. Scarcely had he assumed this dignity, before the door opened, and half-a-dozen of the gentlemen confederates trooped somewhat noisily into the apartment.
“Softly, softly, messieurs,” said the president, recovering all his constitutional gayety, yet blending it with a certain negligent43 command — “respect for the chair, if you please! ‘T is the way with all assemblies where the public purse is a matter of deferential44 interest!”
“Hear him!” cried Tomlinson.
“What, my old friend Bags!” said the president; “you have not come empty-handed, I will swear; your honest face is like the table of contents to the good things in your pockets!”
“Ah, Captain Clifford,” said the veteran, groaning45, and shaking his reverend head, “I have seen the day when there was not a lad in England forked so largely, so comprehensively-like, as I did. But, as King Lear says at Common Garden, ‘I be’s old now!’”
“But your zeal46 is as youthful as ever, my fine fellow,” said the captain, soothingly47; “and if you do not clean out the public as thoroughly48 as heretofore, it is not the fault of your inclinations49.”
“No, that it is not!” cried the “tax-collectors” unanimously.
“And if ever a pocket is to be picked neatly50, quietly, and effectually,” added the complimentary51 Clifford, “I do not know to this day, throughout the three kingdoms, a neater, quieter, and more effective set of fingers than Old Bags’s!”
The veteran bowed disclaimingly, and took his seat among the heartfelt good wishes of the whole assemblage.
“And now, gentlemen,” said Clifford, as soon as the revellers had provided themselves with their wonted luxuries, potatory and fumous, “let us hear your adventures, and rejoice our eyes with their produce. The gallant52 Attie shall begin; but first, a toast — ‘May those who leap from a hedge never leap from a tree!’”
This toast being drunk with enthusiastic applause, Fighting Attie began the recital53 of his little history.
“You sees, Captain,” said he, putting himself in a martial54 position, and looking Clifford full in the face, “that I’m not addicted55 to much blarney. Little cry and much wool is my motto. At ten o’clock A.M. saw the enemy — in the shape of a Doctor of Divinity. ‘Blow me,’ says I to Old Bags, ‘but I ‘ll do his reverence56!’ ‘Blow me,’ says Old Bags, ‘but you sha’ n’t — you’ll have us scragged if you touches the Church.’ ‘My grandmother!’ says I. Bags tells the pals57 — all in a fuss about it — what care I? I puts on a decent dress, and goes to the doctor as a decayed soldier wot supplies the shops in the turning line. His reverence — a fat jolly dog as ever you see — was at dinner over a fine roast pig; so I tells him I have some bargains at home for him. Splice me, if the doctor did not think he had got a prize; so he puts on his boots, and he comes with me to my house. But when I gets him into a lane, out come my pops. ‘Give up, Doctor,’ says I; ‘others must share the goods of the Church now.’ You has no idea what a row he made; but I did the thing, and there’s an end on’t.”
“Bravo, Attie!” cried Clifford; and the word echoed round the board. Attie put a purse on the table, and the next gentleman was called to confession58.
“It skills not, boots not,” gentlest of readers, to record each of the narratives59 that now followed one another. Old Bags, in especial, preserved his well-earned reputation by emptying six pockets, which had been filled with every possible description of petty valuables. Peasant and prince appeared alike to have come under his hands; and perhaps the good old man had done in the town more towards effecting an equality of goods among different ranks than all the Reformers, from Cornwall to Carlisle. Yet so keen was his appetite for the sport that the veteran appropriator absolutely burst into tears at not having “forked more.”
“I love a warm-hearted enthusiasm,” cried Clifford, handling the movables, while he gazed lovingly on the ancient purloiner60. “May new cases never teach us to forget Old Bags!”
As soon as this “sentiment” had been duly drunk, and Mr. Bagshot had dried his tears and applied61 himself to his favourite drink — which, by the way, was “blue ruin,”— the work of division took place. The discretion62 and impartiality63 of the captain in this arduous64 part of his duty attracted universal admiration; and each gentleman having carefully pouched66 his share, the youthful president hemmed67 thrice, and the society became aware of a purposed speech.
“Gentlemen!” began Clifford — and his main supporter, the sapient68 Augustus, shouted out, “Hear!”—“gentlemen, you all know that when some months ago you were pleased, partly at the instigation of Gentleman George — God bless him! — partly from the exaggerated good opinion expressed of me by my friends, to elect me to the high honour of the command of this district, I myself was by no means ambitious to assume that rank, which I knew well was far beyond my merits, and that responsibility which I knew with equal certainty was too weighty for my powers. Your voices, however, overruled my own; and as Mr. Muddlepud, the great metaphysician, in that excellent paper, ‘The Asinaeum,’ was wont to observe, ‘the susceptibilities, innate69, extensible, incomprehensible, and eternal,’ existing in my bosom70, were infinitely71 more powerful than the shallow suggestions of reason — that ridiculous thing which all wise men and judicious72 Asinaeans sedulously73 stifle74.”
“Plague take the man! what is he talking about?” said Long Ned, who we have seen was of an envious75 temper, in a whisper to Old Bags. Old Bags shook his head.
“In a word, gentlemen,” renewed Clifford, “your kindness overpowered me; and despite my cooler inclinations, I accepted your flattering proposal. Since then I have endeavoured, so far as I have been able, to advance your interests; I have kept a vigilant76 eye upon all my neighbours; I have, from county to county, established numerous correspondents; and our exertions77 have been carried on with a promptitude that has ensured success.
“Gentlemen, I do not wish to boast; but on these nights of periodical meetings, when every quarter brings us to go halves — when we meet in private to discuss the affairs of the public, show our earnings78 as it were in privy79 council, and divide them amicably80 as it were in the Cabinet [‘Hear! hear!’ from Mr. Tomlinson] — it is customary for your captain for the time being to remind you of his services, engage your pardon for his deficiencies, and your good wishes for his future exertions. Gentlemen, has it ever been said of Paul Lovett that he heard of a prize and forgot to tell you of his news? [‘Never! never!’ loud cheering.] Has it ever been said of him that he sent others to seize the booty, and stayed at home to think how it should be spent? [‘No! no!’ repeated cheers.] Has it ever been said of him that he took less share than his due of your danger, and more of your guineas? [Cries in the negative, accompanied with vehement81 applause.] Gentlemen, I thank you for these flattering and audible testimonials in my favour; but the points on which I have dwelt, however necessary to my honour, would prove but little for my merits; they might be worthy notice in your comrade, you demand more subtle duties in your chief. Gentlemen, has it ever been said of Paul Lovett that he sent out brave men on forlorn hopes; that he hazarded your own heads by rash attempts in acquiring pictures of King George’s; that zeal, in short, was greater in him than caution, or that his love of a quid (A guinea) ever made him neglectful of your just aversion to a quod? (A prison) [Unanimous cheering.]
“Gentlemen, since I have had the honour to preside over your welfare, Fortune, which favours the bold, has not been unmerciful to you! But three of our companions have been missed from our peaceful festivities. One, gentlemen, I myself expelled from our corps82 for ungentlemanlike practices; he picked pockets of fogles, (handkerchiefs)— it was a vulgar employment. Some of you, gentlemen, have done the same for amusement; Jack83 Littlefork did it for occupation. I expostulated with him in public and in private; Mr. Pepper cut his society; Mr. Tomlinson read him an essay on Real Greatness of Soul: all was in vain. He was pumped by the mob for the theft of a bird’s-eye wipe. The fault I had borne with — the detection was unpardonable; I expelled him. Who’s here so base as would be a fogle-hunter? If any, speak; for him have I offended! Who’s here so rude as would not be a gentleman? If any, speak; for him have I offended! I pause for a reply! What, none! then none have I offended. [Loud cheers.] Gentlemen, I may truly add, that I have done no more to Jack Littlefork than you should do to Paul Lovett! The next vacancy84 in our ranks was occasioned by the loss of Patrick Blunderbull. You know, gentlemen, the vehement exertions that I made to save that misguided creature, whom I had made exertions no less earnest to instruct. But he chose to swindle under the name of the ‘Honourable85 Captain Smico;’ the Peerage gave him the lie at once; his case was one of aggravation86, and he was so remarkably87 ugly that he ‘created no interest.’ He left us for a foreign exile; and if as a man I lament88 him, I confess to you, gentlemen, as a ‘tax-collector’ I am easily consoled.
“Our third loss must be fresh in your memory. Peter Popwell, as bold a fellow as ever breathed, is no more! [A movement in the assembly.] Peace be with him! He died on the field of battle; shot dead by a Scotch89 Colonel, whom poor Popwell thought to rob of nothing with an empty pistol. His memory, gentlemen — in solemn silence!
“These make the catalogue of our losses,” resumed the youthful chief, so soon as the “red cup had crowned the memory” of Peter Popwell; “I am proud, even in sorrow, to think that the blame of those losses rests not with me. And now, friends and followers90! Gentlemen of the Road, the Street, the Theatre, and the Shop! Prigs, Tobymen, and Squires91 of the Cross! according to the laws of our Society, I resign into your hands that power which for two quarterly terms you have confided92 to mine, ready to sink into your ranks as a comrade, nor unwilling93 to renounce94 the painful honour I have borne — borne with much infirmity, it is true, but at least with a sincere desire to serve that cause with which you have intrusted me.”
So saying, the captain descended95 from his chair amidst the most uproarious applause; and as soon as the first burst had partially96 subsided97, Augustus Tomlinson rising, with one hand in his breeches’ pocket and the other stretched out, said —
“Gentlemen, I move that Paul Lovett be again chosen as our captain for the ensuing term of three months. [Deafening cheers.] Much might I say about his surpassing merits; but why dwell upon that which is obvious? Life is short! Why should speeches be long? Our lives, perhaps, are shorter than the lives of other men; why should not our harangues98 be of a suitable brevity? Gentlemen, I shall say but one word in favour of my excellent friend — of mine, say I? ay, of mine, of yours. He is a friend to all of us! A prime minister is not more useful to his followers and more burdensome to the public than I am proud to say is — Paul Lovett. [Loud plaudits.] What I shall urge in his favour is simply this: the man whom opposite parties unite in praising must have supereminent merit. Of all your companions, gentlemen, Paul Lovett is the only man who to that merit can advance a claim. [Applause.] You all know, gentlemen, that our body has long been divided into two factions99 — each jealous of the other, each desirous of ascendancy100, and each emulous which shall put the greatest number of fingers into the public pie. In the language of the vulgar, the one faction23 would be called ‘swindlers,’ and the other ‘highwaymen.’ I, gentlemen, who am fond of finding new names for things and for persons, and am a bit of a politician, call the one Whigs, and the other Tories. [Clamorous cheering.] Of the former body I am esteemed101 no uninfluential member; of the latter faction Mr. Bags is justly considered the most shining ornament102. Mr. Attie and Mr. Edward Pepper can scarcely be said to belong entirely103 to either; they unite the good qualities of both. ‘British compounds’ some term them; I term them Liberal Aristocrats104! [Cheers.] I now call upon you all, Whig, or Swindler, Tory, or Highwayman, ‘British Compounds,’ or Liberal Aristocrats — I call upon you all to name me one man whom you will all agree to elect.”
All — “Lovett forever!”
“Gentlemen,” continued the sagacious Augustus, “that shout is sufficient; without another word, I propose, as your captain, Mr. Paul Lovett.”
“And I seconds the motion!” said old Mr. Bags.
Our hero, being now by the unanimous applause of his confederates restored to the chair of office, returned thanks in a neat speech; and Scarlet105 Jem declared, with great solemnity, that it did equal honour to his head and heart.
The thunders of eloquence106 being hushed, flashes of lightning, or, as the vulgar say, glasses of gin, gleamed about. Good old Mr. Bags stuck, however, to his blue ruin, and Attie to the bottle of bingo; some, among whom were Clifford and the wise Augustus, called for wine; and Clifford, who exerted himself to the utmost in supporting the gay duties of his station, took care that the song should vary the pleasures of the bowl. Of the songs we have only been enabled to preserve two. The first is by Long Ned; and though we confess we can see but little in it, yet (perhaps from some familiar allusion107 or other with which we are necessarily unacquainted) it produced a prodigious108 sensation. It ran thus:—
The Rogue2’s Recipe.
Your honest fool a rogue to make,
As great as can be seen, sir,
Two hackneyed rogues you first must take,
Then place your fool between, sir.
Virtue109 ‘s a dunghill cock, ashamed
Of self when paired with game ones;
And wildest elephants are tamed
If stuck betwixt two tame ones.
The other effusion with which we have the honour to favour our readers is a very amusing duet which took place between Fighting Attie and a tall thin robber, who was a dangerous fellow in a mob, and was therefore called Mobbing Francis; it was commenced by the latter:—
MOBBING FRANCIS:
The best of all robbers as ever I knowed
Is the bold Fighting Attie, the pride of the road! —
Fighting Attie, my hero, I saw you today
A purse full of yellow boys seize;
And as, just at present, I’m low in the lay,
I’ll borrow a quid, if you please.
Oh! bold Fighting Attie, the knowing, the natty110,
By us all it must sure be confest,
Though your shoppers and snobbers are pretty good robbers,
A soldier is always the best.
FIGHTING ATTIE
Stubble your whids, (Hold your tongue)
You wants to trick I.
Lend you my quids?
Not one, by Dickey.
MOBBING FRANCIS:
Oh, what a beast is a niggardly111 ruffler,
Nabbing, grabbing all for himself!
Hang it, old fellow, I’ll hit you a muffler,
Since you won’t give me a pinch of the pelf113.
You has not a heart for the general distress114,
You cares not a mag if our party should fall,
And if Scarlet Jem were not good at a press,
By Goles, it would soon be all up with us all!
Oh, Scarlet Jem, he is trusty and trim,
Like his wig115 to his poll, sticks his conscience to him;
But I vows116 I despises the fellow who prizes
More his own ends than the popular stock, sir;
And the soldier as bones for himself and his crones,
Should be boned like a traitor117 himself at the block, sir.
The severe response of Mobbing Francis did not in the least ruffle112 the constitutional calmness of Fighting Attie; but the wary118 Clifford, seeing that Francis had lost his temper, and watchful119 over the least sign of disturbance120 among the company, instantly called for another song, and Mobbing Francis sullenly121 knocked down Old Bags.
The night was far gone, and so were the wits of the honest tax-gatherers, when the president commanded silence, and the convivialists knew that their chief was about to issue forth the orders for the ensuing term. Nothing could be better timed than such directions — during merriment and before oblivion.
“Gentlemen,” said the captain, “I will now, with your leave, impart to you all the plans I have formed for each. You, Attie, shall repair to London: be the Windsor road and the purlieus of Pimlico your especial care. Look you, my hero, to these letters; they will apprise122 you of much work. I need not caution you to silence. Like the oyster123, you never open your mouth but for something. Honest Old Bags, a rich grazier will be in Smithfield on Thursday; his name is Hodges, and he will have somewhat like a thousand pounds in his pouch65. He is green, fresh, and avaricious124; offer to assist him in defrauding125 his neighbours in a bargain, and cease not till thou hast done that with him which he wished to do to others. Be, excellent old man, like the frog-fish, which fishes for other fishes with two horns that resemble baits; the prey126 dart29 at the horns, and are down the throat in an instant! — For thee, dearest Jem, these letters announce a prize: fat is Parson Pliant127; full is his purse; and he rides from Henley to Oxford128 on Friday — I need say no more! As for the rest of you, gentlemen, on this paper you will see your destinations fixed129. I warrant you, ye will find enough work till we meet again this day three months. Myself, Augustus Tomlinson, and Ned Pepper remain in Bath; we have business in hand, gentlemen, of paramount130 importance; should you by accident meet us, never acknowledge us — we are incog.; striking at high game, and putting on falcon’s plumes131 to do it in character — you understand; but this accident can scarcely occur, for none of you will remain at Bath; by tomorrow night, may the road receive you. And now, gentlemen, speed the glass, and I’ll give you a sentiment by way of a spur to it —
“‘Much sweeter than honey
Is other men’s money!”’
Our hero’s maxim was received with all the enthusiasm which agreeable truisms usually create. And old Mr. Bags rose to address the chair; unhappily for the edification of the audience, the veteran’s foot slipped before he had proceeded further than “Mr. President;” he fell to the earth with a sort of reel —
“Like shooting stars he fell to rise no more!”
His body became a capital footstool for the luxurious132 Pepper. Now Augustus Tomlinson and Clifford, exchanging looks, took every possible pains to promote the hilarity133 of the evening; and before the third hour of morning had sounded, they had the satisfaction of witnessing the effects of their benevolent134 labours in the prostrate135 forms of all their companions. Long Ned, naturally more capacious than the rest, succumbed136 the last.
“As leaves of trees,” said the chairman, waving his hand,
“‘As leaves of trees the race of man is found,
Now fresh with dew, now withering137 on the ground.’”
“Well said, my Hector of Highways;” cried Tomlinson; and then helping138 himself to the wine, while he employed his legs in removing the supine forms of Scarlet Jem and Long Ned, he continued the Homeric quotation139, with a pompous140 and self-gratulatory tone —
“‘So flourish these when those have passed away!’”
“We managed to get rid of our friends,” began Clifford —
“Like Whigs in place,” interrupted the politician.
“Right, Tomlinson, thanks to the milder properties of our drink, and perchance to the stronger qualities of our heads; and now tell me, my friend, what think you of our chance of success? Shall we catch an heiress or not?”
“Why, really,” said Tomlinson, “women are like those calculations in arithmetic, which one can never bring to an exact account; for my part, I shall stuff my calves141, and look out for a widow. You, my good fellow, seem to stand a fair chance with Miss ———”
“Oh, name her not!” cried Clifford, colouring, even through the flush which wine had spread over his countenance142. “Ours are not the lips by which her name should be breathed; and, faith, when I think of her, I do it anonymously143.”
“What, have you ever thought of her before this evening?”
“Yes, for months,” answered Clifford. “You remember some time ago, when we formed the plan for robbing Lord Mauleverer, how, rather for frolic than profit, you robbed Dr. Slopperton, of Warlock, while I compassionately144 walked home with the old gentleman. Well, at the parson’s house I met Miss Brandon — mind, if I speak of her by name, you must not; and, by Heaven! — But I won’t swear. I accompanied her home. You know, before morning we robbed Lord Mauleverer; the affair made a noise, and I feared to endanger you all if I appeared in the vicinity of the robbery. Since then, business diverted my thoughts; we formed the plan of trying a matrimonial speculation40 at Bath. I came hither — guess my surprise at seeing her —”
“And your delight,” added Tomlinson, “at hearing she is as rich as she is pretty.”
“No!” answered Clifford, quickly; “that thought gives me no pleasure. You stare. I will try and explain. You know, dear Tomlinson, I’m not much of a canter, and yet my heart shrinks when I look on that innocent face, and hear that soft happy voice, and think that my love to her can be only ruin and disgrace; nay, that my very address is contamination, and my very glance towards her an insult.”
“Heyday!” quoth Tomlinson; “have you been under my instructions, and learned the true value of words, and can you have any scruples145 left on so easy a point of conscience? True, you may call your representing yourself to her as an unprofessional gentleman, and so winning her affections, deceit; but why call it deceit when a genius for intrigue146 is so much neater a phrase? In like manner, by marrying the young lady, if you say you have ruined her, you justly deserve to be annihilated147; but why not say you have saved yourself, and then, my dear fellow, you will have done the most justifiable148 thing in the world.”
“Pish, man!” said Clifford, peevishly149; “none of thy sophisms and sneers150!”
“By the soul of Sir Edward Coke, I am serious! But look you, my friend! this is not a matter where it is convenient to have a tender-footed conscience. You see these fellows on the ground, all d —— d clever, and so forth; but you and I are of a different order. I have had a classical education, seen the world, and mixed in decent society; you, too, had not been long a member of our club before you distinguished151 yourself above us all. Fortune smiled on your youthful audacity152. You grew particular in horses and dress, frequented public haunts, and being a deuced good-looking fellow, with an inborn153 air of gentility and some sort of education, you became sufficiently154 well received to acquire in a short time the manner and tone of a — what shall I say? — a gentleman, and the taste to like suitable associates. This is my case too! Despite our labours for the public weal, the ungrateful dogs see that we are above them; a single envious breast is sufficient to give us to the hangman. We have agreed that we are in danger; we have agreed to make an honourable retreat; we cannot do so without money. You know the vulgar distich among our set. Nothing can be truer —
“‘Hanging is ‘nation
More nice than starvation!’
You will not carry off some of the common stock, though I think you justly might, considering how much you have put into it. What, then, shall we do? Work we cannot, beg we will not; and, between you and me, we are cursedly extravagant155! What remains156 but marriage?”
“It is true,” said Clifford, with a half sigh.
“You may well sigh, my good fellow. Marriage is a lackadaisical157 proceeding158 at best; but there is no resource. And now, when you have got a liking159 to a young lady who is as rich as a she-Craesus, and so gilded160 the pill as bright as a lord mayor’s coach, what the devil have you to do with scruples?”
Clifford made no answer, and there was a long pause; perhaps he would not have spoken so frankly161 as he had done, if the wine had not opened his heart.
“How proud,” renewed Tomlinson, “the good old matron at Thames Court would be if you married a lady! You have not seen her lately?”
“Not for years,” answered our hero. “Poor old soul! I believe that she is well in health, and I take care that she should not be poor in pocket.”
“But why not visit her? Perhaps, like all great men, especially of a liberal turn of mind, you are ashamed of old friends, eh?”
“My good fellow, is that like me? Why, you know the beaux of our set look askant on me for not keeping up my dignity, robbing only in company with well-dressed gentlemen, and swindling under the name of a lord’s nephew. No, my reasons are these: first, you must know, that the old dame had set her heart on my turning out an honest man.”
“And so you have,” interrupted Augustus — “honest to your party; what more would you have from either prig or politician?”
“I believe,” continued Clifford, not heeding162 the interruption, “that my poor mother, before she died, desired that I might be reared honestly; and strange as it may seem to you, Dame Lobkins is a conscientious163 woman in her own way — it is not her fault if I have turned out as I have done. Now I know well that it would grieve her to the quick to see me what I am. Secondly164, my friend, under my new names, various as they are — Jackson and Howard, Russell and Pigwiggin, Villiers and Gotobed, Cavendish and Solomons — you may well suppose that the good persons in the neighbourhood of Thames Court have no suspicion that the adventurous165 and accomplished166 ruffler, at present captain of this district, under the new appellation167 of Lovett, is in reality no other than the obscure and surnameless Paul of the Mug. Now you and I, Augustus, have read human nature, though in the black letter; and I know well that were I to make my appearance in Thames Court, and were the old lady (as she certainly would, not from unkindness, but insobriety — not that she loves me less, but heavy wet more) to divulge168 the secret of that appearance —”
“You know well,” interrupted the vivacious169 Tomlinson, “that the identity of your former meanness with your present greatness would be easily traced; the envy and jealousy of your early friends aroused; a hint of your whereabout and your aliases given to the police, and yourself grabbed, with a slight possibility of a hempen170 consummation.”
“You conceive me exactly!” answered Clifford. “The fact is, that I have observed in nine cases out of ten our bravest fellows have been taken off by the treachery of some early sweetheart or the envy of some boyish friend. My destiny is not yet fixed. I am worthy of better things than a ride in the cart with a nosegay in my hand; and though I care not much about death in itself, I am resolved, if possible, not to die a highwayman. Hence my caution, and that prudential care for secrecy171 and safe asylums172, which men less wise than you have so often thought an unnatural173 contrast to my conduct on the road.”
“Fools!” said the philosophical24 Tomlinson; “what has the bravery of a warrior174 to do with his insuring his house from fire?”
“However,” said Clifford, “I send my good nurse a fine gift every now and then to assure her of my safety; and thus, notwithstanding my absence, I show my affection by my presents — excuse a pun.”
“And have you never been detected by any of your quondam associates?”
“Never! Remember in what a much more elevated sphere of life I have been thrown; and who could recognize the scamp Paul with a fustian175 jacket in gentleman Paul with a laced waistcoat? Besides, I have diligently176 avoided every place where I was likely to encounter those who saw me in childhood. You know how little I frequent flash houses, and how scrupulous177 I am in admitting new confederates into our band; you and Pepper are the only two of my associates — save my protege, as you express it, who never deserts the cave — that possess a knowledge of my identity with the lost Paul; and as ye have both taken that dread178 oath to silence, which to disobey until indeed I be in the jail or on the gibbet, is almost to be assassinated179, I consider my secret is little likely to be broken, save with my own consent.”
“True,” said Augustus, nodding; “one more glass, and to bed, Mr. Chairman.”
“I pledge you, my friend; our last glass shall be philanthropically quaffed180 — ‘All fools, and may their money soon be parted!’”
“All fools!” cried Tomlinson, filling a bumper181; “but I quarrel with the wisdom of your toast. May fools be rich, and rogues will never be poor! I would make a better livelihood182 off a rich fool than a landed estate.”
So saying, the contemplative and ever-sagacious Tomlinson tossed off his bumper; and the pair, having kindly183 rolled by pedal applications the body of Long Ned into a safe and quiet corner of the room, mounted the stairs, arm-inarm, in search of somnambular accommodations.
点击收听单词发音
1 rogues | |
n.流氓( rogue的名词复数 );无赖;调皮捣蛋的人;离群的野兽 | |
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2 rogue | |
n.流氓;v.游手好闲 | |
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3 bluster | |
v.猛刮;怒冲冲的说;n.吓唬,怒号;狂风声 | |
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4 scoured | |
走遍(某地)搜寻(人或物)( scour的过去式和过去分词 ); (用力)刷; 擦净; 擦亮 | |
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5 wont | |
adj.习惯于;v.习惯;n.习惯 | |
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6 justification | |
n.正当的理由;辩解的理由 | |
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7 worthies | |
应得某事物( worthy的名词复数 ); 值得做某事; 可尊敬的; 有(某人或事物)的典型特征 | |
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8 lodging | |
n.寄宿,住所;(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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9 thither | |
adv.向那里;adj.在那边的,对岸的 | |
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10 taverns | |
n.小旅馆,客栈,酒馆( tavern的名词复数 ) | |
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11 garb | |
n.服装,装束 | |
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12 dame | |
n.女士 | |
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13 admiration | |
n.钦佩,赞美,羡慕 | |
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14 choleric | |
adj.易怒的,性情暴躁的 | |
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15 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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16 momentary | |
adj.片刻的,瞬息的;短暂的 | |
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17 aliases | |
n.别名,化名( alias的名词复数 ) | |
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18 plunged | |
v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 );暴跌;骤降;突降 | |
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19 sullen | |
adj.愠怒的,闷闷不乐的,(天气等)阴沉的 | |
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20 dorsal | |
adj.背部的,背脊的 | |
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21 splice | |
v.接合,衔接;n.胶接处,粘接处 | |
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22 extremities | |
n.端点( extremity的名词复数 );尽头;手和足;极窘迫的境地 | |
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23 faction | |
n.宗派,小集团;派别;派系斗争 | |
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24 philosophical | |
adj.哲学家的,哲学上的,达观的 | |
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25 philosophically | |
adv.哲学上;富有哲理性地;贤明地;冷静地 | |
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26 immoral | |
adj.不道德的,淫荡的,荒淫的,有伤风化的 | |
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27 meditations | |
默想( meditation的名词复数 ); 默念; 沉思; 冥想 | |
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28 worthy | |
adj.(of)值得的,配得上的;有价值的 | |
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29 dart | |
v.猛冲,投掷;n.飞镖,猛冲 | |
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30 darting | |
v.投掷,投射( dart的现在分词 );向前冲,飞奔 | |
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31 deigned | |
v.屈尊,俯就( deign的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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32 nay | |
adv.不;n.反对票,投反对票者 | |
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33 grumbler | |
爱抱怨的人,发牢骚的人 | |
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34 prone | |
adj.(to)易于…的,很可能…的;俯卧的 | |
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35 jot | |
n.少量;vi.草草记下;vt.匆匆写下 | |
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36 grunted | |
(猪等)作呼噜声( grunt的过去式和过去分词 ); (指人)发出类似的哼声; 咕哝着说 | |
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37 maliciously | |
adv.有敌意地 | |
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38 jealousy | |
n.妒忌,嫉妒,猜忌 | |
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39 speculations | |
n.投机买卖( speculation的名词复数 );思考;投机活动;推断 | |
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40 speculation | |
n.思索,沉思;猜测;投机 | |
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41 jaw | |
n.颚,颌,说教,流言蜚语;v.喋喋不休,教训 | |
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42 maxim | |
n.格言,箴言 | |
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43 negligent | |
adj.疏忽的;玩忽的;粗心大意的 | |
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44 deferential | |
adj. 敬意的,恭敬的 | |
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45 groaning | |
adj. 呜咽的, 呻吟的 动词groan的现在分词形式 | |
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46 zeal | |
n.热心,热情,热忱 | |
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47 soothingly | |
adv.抚慰地,安慰地;镇痛地 | |
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48 thoroughly | |
adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地 | |
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49 inclinations | |
倾向( inclination的名词复数 ); 倾斜; 爱好; 斜坡 | |
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50 neatly | |
adv.整洁地,干净地,灵巧地,熟练地 | |
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51 complimentary | |
adj.赠送的,免费的,赞美的,恭维的 | |
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52 gallant | |
adj.英勇的,豪侠的;(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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53 recital | |
n.朗诵,独奏会,独唱会 | |
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54 martial | |
adj.战争的,军事的,尚武的,威武的 | |
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55 addicted | |
adj.沉溺于....的,对...上瘾的 | |
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56 reverence | |
n.敬畏,尊敬,尊严;Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称;v.尊敬,敬畏,崇敬 | |
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57 pals | |
n.朋友( pal的名词复数 );老兄;小子;(对男子的不友好的称呼)家伙 | |
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58 confession | |
n.自白,供认,承认 | |
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59 narratives | |
记叙文( narrative的名词复数 ); 故事; 叙述; 叙述部分 | |
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60 purloiner | |
[法] 小偷,窃盗者 | |
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61 applied | |
adj.应用的;v.应用,适用 | |
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62 discretion | |
n.谨慎;随意处理 | |
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63 impartiality | |
n. 公平, 无私, 不偏 | |
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64 arduous | |
adj.艰苦的,费力的,陡峭的 | |
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65 pouch | |
n.小袋,小包,囊状袋;vt.装...入袋中,用袋运输;vi.用袋送信件 | |
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66 pouched | |
adj.袋形的,有袋的 | |
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67 hemmed | |
缝…的褶边( hem的过去式和过去分词 ); 包围 | |
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68 sapient | |
adj.有见识的,有智慧的 | |
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69 innate | |
adj.天生的,固有的,天赋的 | |
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70 bosom | |
n.胸,胸部;胸怀;内心;adj.亲密的 | |
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71 infinitely | |
adv.无限地,无穷地 | |
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72 judicious | |
adj.明智的,明断的,能作出明智决定的 | |
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73 sedulously | |
ad.孜孜不倦地 | |
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74 stifle | |
vt.使窒息;闷死;扼杀;抑止,阻止 | |
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75 envious | |
adj.嫉妒的,羡慕的 | |
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76 vigilant | |
adj.警觉的,警戒的,警惕的 | |
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77 exertions | |
n.努力( exertion的名词复数 );费力;(能力、权力等的)运用;行使 | |
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78 earnings | |
n.工资收人;利润,利益,所得 | |
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79 privy | |
adj.私用的;隐密的 | |
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80 amicably | |
adv.友善地 | |
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81 vehement | |
adj.感情强烈的;热烈的;(人)有强烈感情的 | |
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82 corps | |
n.(通信等兵种的)部队;(同类作的)一组 | |
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83 jack | |
n.插座,千斤顶,男人;v.抬起,提醒,扛举;n.(Jake)杰克 | |
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84 vacancy | |
n.(旅馆的)空位,空房,(职务的)空缺 | |
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85 honourable | |
adj.可敬的;荣誉的,光荣的 | |
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86 aggravation | |
n.烦恼,恼火 | |
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87 remarkably | |
ad.不同寻常地,相当地 | |
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88 lament | |
n.悲叹,悔恨,恸哭;v.哀悼,悔恨,悲叹 | |
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89 scotch | |
n.伤口,刻痕;苏格兰威士忌酒;v.粉碎,消灭,阻止;adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
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90 followers | |
追随者( follower的名词复数 ); 用户; 契据的附面; 从动件 | |
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91 squires | |
n.地主,乡绅( squire的名词复数 ) | |
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92 confided | |
v.吐露(秘密,心事等)( confide的过去式和过去分词 );(向某人)吐露(隐私、秘密等) | |
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93 unwilling | |
adj.不情愿的 | |
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94 renounce | |
v.放弃;拒绝承认,宣布与…断绝关系 | |
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95 descended | |
a.为...后裔的,出身于...的 | |
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96 partially | |
adv.部分地,从某些方面讲 | |
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97 subsided | |
v.(土地)下陷(因在地下采矿)( subside的过去式和过去分词 );减弱;下降至较低或正常水平;一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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98 harangues | |
n.高谈阔论的长篇演讲( harangue的名词复数 )v.高谈阔论( harangue的第三人称单数 ) | |
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99 factions | |
组织中的小派别,派系( faction的名词复数 ) | |
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100 ascendancy | |
n.统治权,支配力量 | |
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101 esteemed | |
adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 );敬重;认为;以为 | |
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102 ornament | |
v.装饰,美化;n.装饰,装饰物 | |
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103 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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104 aristocrats | |
n.贵族( aristocrat的名词复数 ) | |
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105 scarlet | |
n.深红色,绯红色,红衣;adj.绯红色的 | |
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106 eloquence | |
n.雄辩;口才,修辞 | |
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107 allusion | |
n.暗示,间接提示 | |
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108 prodigious | |
adj.惊人的,奇妙的;异常的;巨大的;庞大的 | |
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109 virtue | |
n.德行,美德;贞操;优点;功效,效力 | |
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110 natty | |
adj.整洁的,漂亮的 | |
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111 niggardly | |
adj.吝啬的,很少的 | |
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112 ruffle | |
v.弄皱,弄乱;激怒,扰乱;n.褶裥饰边 | |
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113 pelf | |
n.金钱;财物(轻蔑语) | |
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114 distress | |
n.苦恼,痛苦,不舒适;不幸;vt.使悲痛 | |
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115 wig | |
n.假发 | |
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116 vows | |
誓言( vow的名词复数 ); 郑重宣布,许愿 | |
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117 traitor | |
n.叛徒,卖国贼 | |
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118 wary | |
adj.谨慎的,机警的,小心的 | |
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119 watchful | |
adj.注意的,警惕的 | |
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120 disturbance | |
n.动乱,骚动;打扰,干扰;(身心)失调 | |
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121 sullenly | |
不高兴地,绷着脸,忧郁地 | |
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122 apprise | |
vt.通知,告知 | |
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123 oyster | |
n.牡蛎;沉默寡言的人 | |
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124 avaricious | |
adj.贪婪的,贪心的 | |
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125 defrauding | |
v.诈取,骗取( defraud的现在分词 ) | |
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126 prey | |
n.被掠食者,牺牲者,掠食;v.捕食,掠夺,折磨 | |
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127 pliant | |
adj.顺从的;可弯曲的 | |
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128 Oxford | |
n.牛津(英国城市) | |
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129 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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130 paramount | |
a.最重要的,最高权力的 | |
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131 plumes | |
羽毛( plume的名词复数 ); 羽毛饰; 羽毛状物; 升上空中的羽状物 | |
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132 luxurious | |
adj.精美而昂贵的;豪华的 | |
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133 hilarity | |
n.欢乐;热闹 | |
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134 benevolent | |
adj.仁慈的,乐善好施的 | |
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135 prostrate | |
v.拜倒,平卧,衰竭;adj.拜倒的,平卧的,衰竭的 | |
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136 succumbed | |
不再抵抗(诱惑、疾病、攻击等)( succumb的过去式和过去分词 ); 屈从; 被压垮; 死 | |
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137 withering | |
使人畏缩的,使人害羞的,使人难堪的 | |
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138 helping | |
n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的,辅助的 | |
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139 quotation | |
n.引文,引语,语录;报价,牌价,行情 | |
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140 pompous | |
adj.傲慢的,自大的;夸大的;豪华的 | |
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141 calves | |
n.(calf的复数)笨拙的男子,腓;腿肚子( calf的名词复数 );牛犊;腓;小腿肚v.生小牛( calve的第三人称单数 );(冰川)崩解;生(小牛等),产(犊);使(冰川)崩解 | |
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142 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
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143 anonymously | |
ad.用匿名的方式 | |
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144 compassionately | |
adv.表示怜悯地,有同情心地 | |
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145 scruples | |
n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 );顾虑,顾忌v.感到于心不安,有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 ) | |
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146 intrigue | |
vt.激起兴趣,迷住;vi.耍阴谋;n.阴谋,密谋 | |
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147 annihilated | |
v.(彻底)消灭( annihilate的过去式和过去分词 );使无效;废止;彻底击溃 | |
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148 justifiable | |
adj.有理由的,无可非议的 | |
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149 peevishly | |
adv.暴躁地 | |
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150 sneers | |
讥笑的表情(言语)( sneer的名词复数 ) | |
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151 distinguished | |
adj.卓越的,杰出的,著名的 | |
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152 audacity | |
n.大胆,卤莽,无礼 | |
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153 inborn | |
adj.天生的,生来的,先天的 | |
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154 sufficiently | |
adv.足够地,充分地 | |
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155 extravagant | |
adj.奢侈的;过分的;(言行等)放肆的 | |
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156 remains | |
n.剩余物,残留物;遗体,遗迹 | |
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157 lackadaisical | |
adj.无精打采的,无兴趣的;adv.无精打采地,不决断地 | |
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158 proceeding | |
n.行动,进行,(pl.)会议录,学报 | |
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159 liking | |
n.爱好;嗜好;喜欢 | |
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160 gilded | |
a.镀金的,富有的 | |
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161 frankly | |
adv.坦白地,直率地;坦率地说 | |
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162 heeding | |
v.听某人的劝告,听从( heed的现在分词 ) | |
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163 conscientious | |
adj.审慎正直的,认真的,本着良心的 | |
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164 secondly | |
adv.第二,其次 | |
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165 adventurous | |
adj.爱冒险的;惊心动魄的,惊险的,刺激的 | |
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166 accomplished | |
adj.有才艺的;有造诣的;达到了的 | |
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167 appellation | |
n.名称,称呼 | |
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168 divulge | |
v.泄漏(秘密等);宣布,公布 | |
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169 vivacious | |
adj.活泼的,快活的 | |
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170 hempen | |
adj. 大麻制的, 大麻的 | |
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171 secrecy | |
n.秘密,保密,隐蔽 | |
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172 asylums | |
n.避难所( asylum的名词复数 );庇护;政治避难;精神病院 | |
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173 unnatural | |
adj.不自然的;反常的 | |
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174 warrior | |
n.勇士,武士,斗士 | |
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175 fustian | |
n.浮夸的;厚粗棉布 | |
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176 diligently | |
ad.industriously;carefully | |
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177 scrupulous | |
adj.审慎的,小心翼翼的,完全的,纯粹的 | |
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178 dread | |
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧 | |
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179 assassinated | |
v.暗杀( assassinate的过去式和过去分词 );中伤;诋毁;破坏 | |
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180 quaffed | |
v.痛饮( quaff的过去式和过去分词 );畅饮;大口大口将…喝干;一饮而尽 | |
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181 bumper | |
n.(汽车上的)保险杠;adj.特大的,丰盛的 | |
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182 livelihood | |
n.生计,谋生之道 | |
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183 kindly | |
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地 | |
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