When I say human existence, I mean my own! We are so made that each of us regards himself as the mirror of the community: what passes in our minds infallibly seems to us a history of the universe. Every man is like the drunkard who reports an earthquake, because he feels himself staggering.
And why am I uncertain and restless — I, a poor day-laborer in the world — who fill an obscure station in a corner of it, and whose work it avails itself of, without heeding8 the workman? I will tell you, my unseen friend, for whom these lines are written; my unknown brother, on whom the solitary9 call in sorrow; my imaginary confidant, to whom all monologues10 are addressed and who is but the shadow of our own conscience.
A great event has happened in my life! A crossroad has suddenly opened in the middle of the monotonous11 way along which I was travelling quietly, and without thinking of it. Two roads present themselves, and I must choose between them. One is only the continuation of that I have followed till now; the other is wider, and exhibits wondrous12 prospects13. On the first there is nothing to fear, but also little to hope; on the other are great dangers and great fortune. Briefly15, the question is, whether I shall give up the humble16 office in which I thought to die, for one of those bold speculations18 in which chance alone is banker! Ever since yesterday I have consulted with myself; I have compared the two and I remain undecided.
Where shall I find light — who will advise me?
Sunday, 4th. — See the sun coming out from the thick fogs of winter! Spring announces its approach; a soft breeze skims over the roofs, and my wallflower begins to blow again.
We are near that sweet season of fresh green, of which the poets of the sixteenth century sang with so much feeling:
Now the gladsome month of May
All things newly doth array;
Fairest lady, let me too
In thy love my life renew.
The chirping20 of the sparrows calls me: they claim the crumbs21 I scatter22 to them every morning. I open my window, and the prospect14 of roofs opens out before me in all its splendor23.
He who has lived only on a first floor has no idea of the picturesque24 variety of such a view. He has never contemplated25 these tile-colored heights which intersect each other; he has not followed with his eyes these gutter26-valleys, where the fresh verdure of the attic27 gardens waves, the deep shadows which evening spreads over the slated28 slopes, and the sparkling of windows which the setting sun has kindled29 to a blaze of fire. He has not studied the flora30 of these Alps of civilization, carpeted by lichens31 and mosses32; he is not acquainted with the myriad33 inhabitants that people them, from the microscopic34 insect to the domestic cat — that reynard of the roofs who is always on the prowl, or in ambush35; he has not witnessed the thousand aspects of a clear or a cloudy sky; nor the thousand effects of light, that make these upper regions a theatre with ever-changing scenes! How many times have my days of leisure passed away in contemplating36 this wonderful sight; in discovering its darker or brighter episodes; in seeking, in short, in this unknown world for the impressions of travel that wealthy tourists look for lower!
Nine o’clock. — But why, then, have not my winged neighbors picked up the crumbs I have scattered37 for them before my window? I see them fly away, come back, perch38 upon the ledges39 of the windows, and chirp19 at the sight of the feast they are usually so ready to devour40! It is not my presence that frightens them; I have accustomed them to eat out of my hand. Then, why this fearful suspense41? In vain I look around: the roof is clear, the windows near are closed. I crumble42 the bread that remains43 from my breakfast to attract them by an ampler feast. Their chirpings increase, they bend down their heads, the boldest approach upon the wing, but without daring to alight.
Come, come, my sparrows are the victims of one of the foolish panics which make the funds fall at the Bourse! It is plain that birds are not more reasonable than men!
With this reflection I was about to shut my window, when suddenly I perceived, in a spot of sunshine on my right, the shadow of two pricked-up ears; then a paw advanced, then the head of a tabby-cat showed itself at the corner of the gutter. The cunning fellow was lying there in wait, hoping the crumbs would bring him some game.
And I had accused my guests of cowardice44! I was so sure that no danger could menace them! I thought I had looked well everywhere! I had only forgotten the corner behind me!
In life, as on the roofs, how many misfortunes come from having forgotten a single corner!
Ten o’clock. — I cannot leave my window; the rain and the cold have kept it shut so long that I must reconnoitre all the environs to be able to take possession of them again. My eyes search in succession all the points of the jumbled46 and confused prospect, passing on or stopping according to what they light upon.
Ah! see the windows upon which they formerly47 loved to rest; they are those of two unknown neighbors, whose different habits they have long remarked.
One is a poor work-woman, who rises before sunrise, and whose profile is shadowed upon her little muslin window-curtain far into the evening; the other is a young songstress, whose vocal48 flourishes sometimes reach my attic by snatches. When their windows are open, that of the work-woman discovers a humble but decent abode49; the other, an elegantly furnished room. But to-day a crowd of tradespeople throng50 the latter: they take down the silk hangings and carry off the furniture, and I now remember that the young singer passed under my window this morning with her veil down, and walking with the hasty step of one who suffers some inward trouble. Ah! I guess it all. Her means are exhausted51 in elegant fancies, or have been taken away by some unexpected misfortune, and now she has fallen from luxury to indigence52. While the work-woman manages not only to keep her little room, but also to furnish it with decent comfort by her steady toil53, that of the singer is become the property of brokers54. The one sparkled for a moment on the wave of prosperity; the other sails slowly but safely along the coast of a humble and laborious55 industry.
Alas56! is there not here a lesson for us all? Is it really in hazardous57 experiments, at the end of which we shall meet with wealth or ruin, that the wise man should employ his years of strength and freedom? Ought he to consider life as a regular employment which brings its daily wages, or as a game in which the future is determined58 by a few throws? Why seek the risk of extreme chances? For what end hasten to riches by dangerous roads? Is it really certain that happiness is the prize of brilliant successes, rather than of a wisely accepted poverty? Ah! if men but knew in what a small dwelling59 joy can live, and how little it costs to furnish it!
Twelve o’clock. — I have been walking up and down my attic for a long time, with my arms folded and my eyes on the ground! My doubts increase, like shadows encroaching more and more on some bright space; my fears multiply; and the uncertainty60 becomes every moment more painful to me! It is necessary for me to decide to-day, and before the evening! I hold the dice45 of my future fate in my hands, and I dare not throw them.
Three o’clock. — The sky has become cloudy, and a cold wind begins to blow from the west; all the windows which were opened to the sunshine of a beautiful day are shut again. Only on the opposite side of the street, the lodger61 on the last story has not yet left his balcony.
One knows him to be a soldier by his regular walk, his gray moustaches, and the ribbon that decorates his buttonhole. Indeed, one might have guessed as much from the care he takes of the little garden which is the ornament62 of his balcony in mid-air; for there are two things especially loved by all old soldiers — flowers and children. They have been so long, obliged to look upon the earth as a field of battle, and so long cut off from the peaceful pleasures of a quiet lot, that they seem to begin life at an age when others end it. The tastes of their early years, which were arrested by the stern duties of war, suddenly break out again with their white hairs, and are like the savings63 of youth which they spend again in old age. Besides, they have been condemned64 to be destroyers for so long that perhaps they feel a secret pleasure in creating, and seeing life spring up again: the beauty of weakness has a grace and an attraction the more for those who have been the agents of unbending force; and the watching over the frail65 germs of life has all the charms of novelty for these old workmen of death.
Therefore the cold wind has not driven my neighbor from his balcony. He is digging up the earth in his green boxes, and carefully sowing the seeds of the scarlet66 nasturtium, convolvulus, and sweet-pea. Henceforth he will come every day to watch for their first sprouting67, to protect the young shoots from weeds or insects, to arrange the strings68 for the tendrils to climb on, and carefully to regulate their supply of water and heat!
How much labor7 to bring in the desired harvest! For that, how many times shall I see him brave cold or heat, wind or sun, as he does to-day! But then, in the hot summer days, when the blinding dust whirls in clouds through our streets, when the eye, dazzled by the glare of white stucco, knows not where to rest, and the glowing roofs reflect their heat upon us to burning, the old soldier will sit in his arbor69 and perceive nothing but green leaves and flowers around him, and the breeze will come cool and fresh to him through these perfumed shades. His assiduous care will be rewarded at last.
We must sow the seeds, and tend the growth, if we would enjoy the flower.
Four o’clock. — The clouds that have been gathering70 in the horizon for a long time are become darker; it thunders loudly, and the rain pours down! Those who are caught in it fly in every direction, some laughing and some crying.
I always find particular amusement in these helter-skelters, caused by a sudden storm. It seems as if each one, when thus taken by surprise, loses the factitious character that the world or habit has given him, and appears in his true colors.
See, for example, that big man with deliberate step, who suddenly forgets his indifference71, made to order, and runs like a schoolboy! He is a thrifty72 city gentleman, who, with all his fashionable airs, is afraid to spoil his hat.
That pretty woman yonder, on the contrary, whose looks are so modest, and whose dress is so elaborate, slackens her pace with the increasing storm. She seems to find pleasure in braving it, and does not think of her velvet73 cloak spotted74 by the hail! She is evidently a lioness in sheep’s clothing.
Here, a young man, who was passing, stops to catch some of the hailstones in his hand, and examines them. By his quick and business-like walk just now, you would have taken him for a tax-gatherer on his rounds, when he is a young philosopher, studying the effects of electricity. And those schoolboys who leave their ranks to run after the sudden gusts75 of a March whirlwind; those girls, just now so demure76, but who now fly with bursts of laughter; those national guards, who quit the martial77 attitude of their days of duty to take refuge under a porch! The storm has caused all these transformations78.
See, it increases! The hardiest79 are obliged to seek shelter. I see every one rushing toward the shop in front of my window, which a bill announces is to let. It is for the fourth time within a few months. A year ago all the skill of the joiner and the art of the painter were employed in beautifying it, but their works are already destroyed by the leaving of so many tenants80; the cornices of the front are disfigured by mud; the arabesques82 on the doorway83 are spoiled by bills posted upon them to announce the sale of the effects. The splendid shop has lost some of its embellishments with each change of the tenant81. See it now empty, and left open to the passersby84. How much does its fate resemble that of so many who, like it, only change their occupation to hasten the faster to ruin!
I am struck by this last reflection: since the morning everything seems to speak to me, and with the same warning tone. Everything says: “Take care! be content with your happy, though humble lot; happiness can be retained only by constancy; do not forsake85 your old patrons for the protection of those who are unknown!”
Are they the outward objects which speak thus, or does the warning come from within? Is it not I myself who give this language to all that surrounds me? The world is but an instrument, to which we give sound at will. But what does it signify if it teaches us wisdom? The low voice that speaks in our breasts is always a friendly voice, for it tells us what we are, that is to say, what is our capability86. Bad conduct results, for the most part, from mistaking our calling. There are so many fools and knaves87, because there are so few men who know themselves. The question is not to discover what will suit us, but for what we are suited!
What should I do among these many experienced financial speculators? I am only a poor sparrow, born among the housetops, and should always fear the enemy crouching88 in the dark corner; I am a prudent89 workman, and should think of the business of my neighbors who so suddenly disappeared; I am a timid observer, and should call to mind the flowers so slowly raised by the old soldier, or the shop brought to ruin by constant change of masters. Away from me, ye banquets, over which hangs the sword of Damocles! I am a country mouse. Give me my nuts and hollow tree, and I ask nothing besides — except security.
And why this insatiable craving90 for riches? Does a man drink more when he drinks from a large glass? Whence comes that universal dread91 of mediocrity, the fruitful mother of peace and liberty? Ah! there is the evil which, above every other, it should be the aim of both public and private education to anticipate! If that were got rid of, what treasons would be spared, what baseness avoided, what a chain of excess and crime would be forever broken! We award the palm to charity, and to self-sacrifice; but, above all, let us award it to moderation, for it is the great social virtue92. Even when it does not create the others, it stands instead of them.
Six o’clock. — I have written a letter of thanks to the promoters of the new speculation17, and have declined their offer! This decision has restored my peace of mind. I stopped singing, like the cobbler, as long as I entertained the hope of riches: it is gone, and happiness is come back!
O beloved and gentle Poverty! pardon me for having for a moment wished to fly from thee, as I would from Want. Stay here forever with thy charming sisters, Pity, Patience, Sobriety, and Solitude93; be ye my queens and my instructors94; teach me the stern duties of life; remove far from my abode the weakness of heart and giddiness of head which follow prosperity. Holy Poverty! teach me to endure without complaining, to impart without grudging95, to seek the end of life higher than in pleasure, farther off than in power. Thou givest the body strength, thou makest the mind more firm; and, thanks to thee, this life, to which the rich attach themselves as to a rock, becomes a bark of which death may cut the cable without awakening96 all our fears. Continue to sustain me, O thou whom Christ hath called Blessed!
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1
discomfort
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| n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便 | |
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chaos
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| n.混乱，无秩序 | |
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repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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brink
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| n.(悬崖、河流等的)边缘，边沿 | |
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hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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repenting
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| 对（自己的所为）感到懊悔或忏悔( repent的现在分词 ) | |
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7
labor
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| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
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heeding
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| v.听某人的劝告，听从( heed的现在分词 ) | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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10
monologues
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| n.（戏剧）长篇独白( monologue的名词复数 )；滔滔不绝的讲话；独角戏 | |
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monotonous
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| adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的 | |
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wondrous
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| adj.令人惊奇的，奇妙的；adv.惊人地；异乎寻常地；令人惊叹地 | |
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13
prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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speculation
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| n.思索，沉思；猜测；投机 | |
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speculations
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| n.投机买卖( speculation的名词复数 )；思考；投机活动；推断 | |
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19
chirp
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| v.(尤指鸟)唧唧喳喳的叫 | |
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chirping
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| 鸟叫，虫鸣( chirp的现在分词 ) | |
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crumbs
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| int. (表示惊讶)哎呀 n. 碎屑 名词crumb的复数形式 | |
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scatter
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| vt.撒，驱散，散开；散布/播；vi.分散，消散 | |
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splendor
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| n.光彩；壮丽，华丽；显赫，辉煌 | |
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picturesque
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| adj.美丽如画的，（语言）生动的，绘声绘色的 | |
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contemplated
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| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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gutter
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| n.沟，街沟，水槽，檐槽，贫民窟 | |
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attic
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| n.顶楼，屋顶室 | |
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slated
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| 用石板瓦盖( slate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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kindled
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| （使某物）燃烧，着火( kindle的过去式和过去分词 )； 激起（感情等）； 发亮，放光 | |
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flora
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| n.(某一地区的)植物群 | |
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lichens
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| n.地衣( lichen的名词复数 ) | |
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mosses
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| n. 藓类, 苔藓植物 名词moss的复数形式 | |
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myriad
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| adj.无数的；n.无数，极大数量 | |
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microscopic
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| adj.微小的，细微的，极小的，显微的 | |
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ambush
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| n.埋伏(地点)；伏兵；v.埋伏；伏击 | |
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contemplating
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| 深思，细想，仔细考虑( contemplate的现在分词 )； 注视，凝视； 考虑接受（发生某事的可能性）； 深思熟虑，沉思，苦思冥想 | |
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scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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perch
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| n.栖木，高位，杆；v.栖息，就位，位于 | |
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ledges
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| n.（墙壁，悬崖等）突出的狭长部分( ledge的名词复数 )；（平窄的）壁架；横档；（尤指）窗台 | |
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devour
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| v.吞没；贪婪地注视或谛听，贪读；使着迷 | |
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suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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crumble
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| vi.碎裂，崩溃；vt.弄碎，摧毁 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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cowardice
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| n.胆小，怯懦 | |
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dice
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| n.骰子；vt.把（食物）切成小方块，冒险 | |
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jumbled
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| adj.混乱的；杂乱的 | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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vocal
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| adj.直言不讳的；嗓音的；n.[pl.]声乐节目 | |
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abode
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| n.住处，住所 | |
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throng
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| n.人群，群众；v.拥挤，群集 | |
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51
exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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indigence
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| n.贫穷 | |
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toil
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| vi.辛劳工作，艰难地行动；n.苦工，难事 | |
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brokers
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| n.（股票、外币等）经纪人( broker的名词复数 )；中间人；代理商；（订合同的）中人v.做掮客（或中人等）( broker的第三人称单数 )；作为权力经纪人进行谈判；以中间人等身份安排… | |
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laborious
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| adj.吃力的，努力的，不流畅 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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hazardous
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| adj.(有)危险的，冒险的；碰运气的 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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dwelling
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| n.住宅，住所，寓所 | |
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uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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lodger
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| n.寄宿人，房客 | |
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ornament
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| v.装饰，美化；n.装饰，装饰物 | |
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savings
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| n.存款，储蓄 | |
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condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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frail
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| adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的 | |
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scarlet
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| n.深红色，绯红色，红衣；adj.绯红色的 | |
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sprouting
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| v.发芽( sprout的现在分词 )；抽芽；出现；（使）涌现出 | |
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strings
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| n.弦 | |
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arbor
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| n.凉亭；树木 | |
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gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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72
thrifty
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| adj.节俭的；兴旺的；健壮的 | |
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velvet
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| n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的 | |
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spotted
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| adj.有斑点的，斑纹的，弄污了的 | |
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75
gusts
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| 一阵强风( gust的名词复数 )； （怒、笑等的）爆发； （感情的）迸发； 发作 | |
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demure
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| adj.严肃的；端庄的 | |
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martial
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| adj.战争的，军事的，尚武的，威武的 | |
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transformations
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| n.变化( transformation的名词复数 )；转换；转换；变换 | |
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hardiest
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| 能吃苦耐劳的，坚强的( hardy的最高级 )； （植物等）耐寒的 | |
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80
tenants
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| n.房客( tenant的名词复数 )；佃户；占用者；占有者 | |
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81
tenant
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| n.承租人；房客；佃户；v.租借，租用 | |
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82
arabesques
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| n.阿拉伯式花饰( arabesque的名词复数 )；错综图饰；阿拉伯图案；阿拉贝斯克芭蕾舞姿（独脚站立，手前伸，另一脚一手向后伸） | |
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83
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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passersby
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| n. 过路人(行人,经过者) | |
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85
forsake
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| vt.遗弃，抛弃；舍弃，放弃 | |
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capability
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| n.能力；才能；(pl)可发展的能力或特性等 | |
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knaves
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| n.恶棍，无赖( knave的名词复数 )；（纸牌中的）杰克 | |
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crouching
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| v.屈膝，蹲伏( crouch的现在分词 ) | |
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prudent
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| adj.谨慎的，有远见的，精打细算的 | |
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craving
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| n.渴望,热望 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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instructors
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| 指导者，教师( instructor的名词复数 ) | |
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grudging
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| adj.勉强的，吝啬的 | |
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awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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