Leurs amitiés et leurs amours.
— BOURGET.
MANY sarcastic1 but true words have been said by man, and in no jealous spirit, concerning woman’s friendship for woman. The passing judgment2 of the majority of men on such devotion might be summed up in the words, “Occupy till I come.” It does occupy till they do come. And if they don’t come the hastily improvised3 friendship may hold together for years, like an unseaworthy boat in a harbour, which looks like a boat but never goes out to sea.
But nevertheless here and there among its numberless counterfeits4 a friendship rises up between two women which sustains the life of both, which is still young when life is waning5, which man’s love and motherhood cannot displace nor death annihilate6; a friendship which is not the solitary7 affection of an empty heart nor the deepest affection of a full one, but which nevertheless lightens the burdens of this world and lays its pure hand upon the next.
Such a friendship, very deep, very tender, existed between Rachel West and Hester Gresley. It dated back from the nursery days, when Hester and Rachel solemnly eyed each other, and then made acquaintance in the dark gardens of Portman Square, into which Hester introduced a fortified8 castle with a captive princess in it and a rescuing prince and a dragon, and several other ingredients of romance, to the awed9 amazement10 of Rachel — stolid11, solid, silent Rachel — who loved all two- and four-legged creatures, but who never made them talk to each other as Hester did. And Hester, in blue serge, told Rachel, in crimson12 velvet13, as they walked hand in hand in front of their nursery-maids, what the London sparrows said to each other in the gutters14, and how they considered the gravel-path in the square was a deep river suitable to bathe in. And when the spring was coming, and the prince had rescued the princess so often from the dungeon15 in the laurel-bushes that Hester was tired of it, she told Rachel how the elms were always sighing because they were shut up in town, and how they went out every night with their roots into the green country to see their friends, and came back oh! so early in the morning, before any one was awake to miss them. And Rachel’s heart yearned16 after Hester, and she gave her her red horse and the tin duck and magnet, and Hester made stories about them all.
At last the day came when Rachel’s mother, who had long viewed the intimacy17 with complacency, presented her compliments, in a note-sheet with two immense gilt18 crests19 on it, to Hester’s aunt, and requested that her little niece might be allowed to come to tea with her little daughter. And Lady Susan Gresley, who had never met the rich ironmaster’s wife in this world, and would probably be equally exclusive in the next, was about to refuse, when Hester, who up to that moment had apparently20 taken no interest in the matter, suddenly cast herself on the floor in a paroxysm of despair and beat her head against the carpet. The tearful entreaties21 of her aunt gradually elicited22 the explanation, riddled23 by sobs24, that Hester could never take an interest in life again, could never raise herself even to a sitting position, nor dry her eyes on her aunt’s handkerchief, unless she were allowed to go to tea with Rachel and see her dormouse.
Lady Susan, much upset herself, and convinced that these outbursts were prejudicial to Hester’s health, gave way at once, and a few days later Hester, pale, shy, in a white muffler, escorted by Mademoiselle, went to tea in the magnificent house on the other side of the square, and saw Rachel’s round head without a feathered hat on it, and both children were consumed by shyness until the two Mademoiselles withdrew into another room, and Rachel showed Hester the dormouse which she had found in the woods in the country, and which ate out of her hand. And Hester made a little poem on it, beginning:
There was a mouse in Portman Square.
And so, with many breaks, the friendship attained25 a surer footing, and the intimacy grew with their growth, in spite of the fact that Lady Susan had felt unable (notwithstanding the marked advances of Mrs. West, possibly because of them) to enlarge her visiting list, in spite of many other difficulties which were only in the end surmounted26 by the simplicity27 of character which Rachel had not inherited from her parents.
And then, after both girls had danced through one London season in different ball-rooms, Rachel’s parents died, her mother first, and then — by accident — her father, leaving behind him an avalanche28 of unsuspected money difficulties, in which even his vast fortune was engulphed.
Hard years followed for Rachel. She ate the bread of carefulness in the houses of poor relations not of high degree, with whom her parents had quarrelled when they had made their money and began to entertain social ambitions. She learned what it was to be the person of least importance in families of no importance. She essayed to teach and failed. She had no real education. She made desperate struggles for independence, and learned how others failed besides herself. She left her relations and their bitter bread and came to London, and struggled with those who struggled, and saw how Temptation spreads her net for bleeding feet. Because she loved Hester she accepted from her half her slender pin-money. Hester had said, “If I were poor, Rachel, how would you bear it if I would not let you help me?” And Rachel had wept slow difficult tears, and had given Hester the comfort of helping29 her. The greater generosity30 was with Rachel, and Hester knew it.
And as Rachel’s fortunes sank, Hester’s rose. Lady Susan Gresley had one talent, and she did not lay it up in a napkin. She had the art of attracting people to her house, that house to which Mrs. West had never forced an entrance. Hester was thrown from the first into a society which her clergyman brother, who had never seen it, pronounced to be frivolous31, worldly, profane32, but which no one has called dull. There were many facets33 in Hester’s character, and Lady Susan had managed to place her where they caught the light. Was she witty34? Was she attractive? Who shall say. Man is wisely averse35 to “cleverness” in a woman, but if he possesses any armour36 wherewith to steel himself against wit it is certain that he seldom puts it on. She refused several offers, one so brilliant that no woman ever believed that it was really made.
Lady Susan saw that her niece, without a fortune, with little beauty save that of high breeding, with weak health, was becoming a personage. “What will she become?” people said. And in the meanwhile Hester did nothing beyond dressing37 extremely well. And everything she saw and every person she met added fuel to an unlit fire in her soul.
At last Rachel was able to earn a meagre living by typewriting, and for four years, happy by contrast with those when despair and failure had confronted her, she lived by the work of her hands among those poor as herself. Gradually she had lost sight of all her acquaintances. She had been out of the schoolroom for too short a time to make friends. And alas38! in the set in which she had been launched poverty was a crime; no, perhaps not quite that, but as much a bar to intercourse39 as in another class a want of the letter H is found to be.
It was while Rachel was still struggling for a livelihood40 that the event happened which changed the bias41 of her character, as a geranium transplanted from the garden changes its attitude in a cottage window.
On one of the early days of her despair she met on the dreary42 stairs of the great rabbit warren in which she had a room, a man with whom she had been acquainted in the short year of her social life before the collapse43 of her fortunes. He had paid her considerable attention, and she had thought once or twice with momentary44 bitterness that, like the rest, he had not cared to find out what had become of her. She greeted him with shy but evident pleasure. She took for granted he had come to see her, and he allowed her to remain under that delusion45. In reality he had been hunting up an old model whom he wanted for his next picture, and who had silently left Museum Buildings some months before without leaving his address. He had genuinely admired her though he had forgotten her, and he was unaffectedly delighted to see her again.
That one chance meeting was the first of many. Flowers came to Rachel’s little room, and romance came with them. Rachel’s proud tender heart struggled and then gave way before this radiant first love blossoming in the midst of her loneliness. At last on a March afternoon when the low sun caught the daffodils he had brought her he told her he loved her.
Days followed, exquisite46 days, which have none like them in later life whatever later life may bring. That year the spring came early, and they went often together into the country. And that year when all the world was white with blossom the snow came, and laid upon earth’s bridal veil a white shroud47. Every cup of May blossom, every petal48 of hawthorn49 bent50 beneath its burden of snow. And so it was in the full springtide of Rachel’s heart. The snow came down upon it. She discovered at last that though he loved her he did not wish to marry her; that even from the time of that first meeting he had never intended to marry her. That discovery was a shroud. She wrapped her dead love in it, and would fain have buried it out of her sight.
But only after a year of conflict was she suffered to bury it; after a year during which the ghost of her dead ever came back and came back to importune51 her vainly with its love.
Rachel’s poor neighbours grew accustomed to see the tall handsome waiting figure which always returned and returned, but which at last after one dreadful day was seen no more in Museum Buildings. Rachel had laid the ghost at last. But the conflict remained graven in her face.
On a certain cold winter morning Hester darted52 across the wet pavement from the brougham to the untidy entrance of Museum Buildings where Rachel still lived. It was a miserable53 day. The streets and bare trees looked as if they had been drawn54 in in ink, and the whole carelessly blotted55 before it was dry. All the outlines were confused, blurred56. The cold penetrated57 to the very bones of the shivering city.
Rachel had just come in wet and tired, bringing with her a roll of manuscript to be transcribed58. A woman waiting for her on the endless stone stairs had cursed her for taking the bread out of her mouth.
“He always employed me till you came,” she shrieked59, shaking her fist at her, “and now he gives it all to you because you’re younger and better looking.”
She gave the woman as much as she dared spare, the calculation did not take long, and went on climbing the stairs.
Something in the poor creature’s words, something vague but repulsive60 in her remembrance of the man who paid her for the work by which she could barely live, fell like lead into Rachel’s heart. She looked out dumbly over the wilderness61 of roofs. The suffering of the world was eating into her soul, the suffering of this vast travailing East London, where people trod each other down to live.
“If any one had told me,” she said to herself, “when I was rich, that I lived on the flesh and blood of my fellow creatures, that my virtue62 and ease and pleasure were bought by their degradation63, and toil64 and pain, I should not have believed it, and I should have been angry. If I had been told that the clothes I wore, the food I ate, the pen I wrote with, the ink I used, the paper I wrote on — all these, and everything I touched, from my soap to my matchbox, especially my matchbox, was the result of sweated labour, I should not have believed it, I should have laughed. But yet it is so. If I had not been rich once myself I should think as all these people do, that the rich are devils incarnate65 to let such things go on. They have the power to help us. We have none to help ourselves. But they never use it. The rich grind the poor for their luxuries with their eyes shut, and we grind each other for our daily bread with our eyes open. I have got that woman’s work. I have struggled hard enough to get it, but though I did not realise it, I might have known that I had only got on to the raft by pushing some one else off it.”
Rachel looked out across the miles of roofs which lay below her garret window. The sound was in her ears of that great whirlpool wherein youth and beauty and innocence66 go down quick day by day. The wilderness of leaden roofs turned suddenly before her eyes into a sullen67 furrowed68 sea of shame and crime which, awaiting no future day of judgment, daily gave up its awful dead.
Presently Hester came in, panting a little after the long ascent69 of worn stairs, and dragging with her a large parcel. It was a fur-lined cloak. Hester spread it mutely before her friend, and looked beseechingly70 at her. Then she kissed her, and the two girls clung together for a moment in silence.
“Dearest,” said Rachel, “don’t give me new things. It isn’t that — you know I did take it when I was in need. But oh, Hester, I know you can’t afford it. I should not mind if you were rich, at least, I would try not, but — if you would only give me some of your old clothes instead. I should like them all the better because you had worn them.” And Rachel kissed the lapel of Hester’s coat.
“I can’t,” whispered Hester into Rachel’s hair. “The best is only just good enough.”
“Wouldn’t it be kinder to me?”
Hester trembled, and then burst into tears.
“I will wear it, I will wear it,” said Rachel hurriedly. “Look, Hester! I have got it on. How deliciously warm, and — do look; it has two little pockets in the fur lining71.”
But Hester wept passionately72, and Rachel sat down by her on the floor in the new cloak till the paroxysm was over.
How does a subtle affinity73 find a foothold between natures which present an obvious, a violent contrast to each other? Why do the obvious and the subtle forget their life-long feud74 at intervals75, and suddenly appear for a moment in each other’s society?
Rachel was physically76 strong. Hester was weak. The one was calm, patient, practical, equable, the other imaginative, unbalanced, excitable.
Life had not spoilt Rachel. Lady Susan Gresley had done her best to spoil Hester. The one had lived the unprotected life, and showed it in her bearing. The other had lived the sheltered life, and bore its mark upon her pure forehead and youthful face.
“I cannot bear it,” said Hester at last. “I think and think, and I can’t think of anything. I would give my life for you, and you will hardly let me give you ￡3 10s. 6d. That is all it cost. It is only frieze77, that common red frieze, and the lining is only rabbit.” A last tear fell at the word rabbit. “I wanted to get you a velvet one, just the same as my new one, lined with chinchilla, but I knew it would only make you miserable. I wish,” looking vindictively78 at the cloak, “I wish rabbits had never been born.”
Rachel laughed. Hester was evidently recovering.
“Mr. Scarlett was saying last night that no one can help any one,” continued Hester, turning her white exhausted79 face to her friend. “He said that we are always so placed that we can only look on. And I told him that could not be true, but oh, in my heart, Rachel, I have felt it was true all these long, long five years since you have lived here.”
Rachel came and stood beside her at the little window. There was just room for them between the typewriter and the bed.
Far below, Hester’s brougham was pacing up and down.
“Then are love and sympathy nothing?” she said. “Those are the real gifts. If I were rich to-morrow I should look to you just as I do now for the things which money can’t buy. And those are the things”— Rachel’s voice shook —“which you have always given me, and which I can’t do without. You feel my poverty more than I do myself. It crushed me at first when I could not support myself. Now that I can — and in everything except money I am very rich — I am comparatively happy.”
There was a long silence.
“Perhaps,” said Rachel at last with difficulty, “if I had remained an heiress Mr. Tristram might have married me. I feel nearly sure he would have married me. In that case I lost my money only just in time to prevent a much greater misfortune, and I am glad I am as I am.”
Rachel remembered that conversation often in after years with a sense of thankfulness that for once she who was so reticent80 had let Hester see how dear she was to her.
The two girls stood long together cheek against cheek.
And as Hester leaned against Rachel the yearning81 of her soul towards her suddenly lit up something which had long lain colossal82 but inapprehended in the depths of her mind. Her paroxysm of despair at her own powerlessness was followed by a lightning flash of self-revelation. She saw, as in a dream, terrible, beautiful, inaccessible83, but distinct, where her power lay, of which restless bewildering hints had so often mocked her. She had but to touch the houses and they would fall down. She held her hands tightly together lest she should do it. The strength as of an infinite ocean swept in beneath her weakness, and bore it upon its surface like a leaf.
“You must go home,” said Rachel gently, remembering Lady Susan’s punctual habits.
Hester kissed her absently and went out into the new world which had been pressing upon her all her life, the gate of which Love had opened for her. For Love has many keys besides that of her own dwelling84. Some who know her slightly affirm that she can only open her own cheap patent padlock with a secret word on it that everybody knows. But some who know her better hold that hers is the master-key which will one day turn all the locks in all the world.
A year later Hester’s first book, “An Idyll of East London,” was reaping its harvest of astonished indignation and admiration85, and her acquaintances — not her friends — were still wondering how she came to know so much of a life of which they decided86 she could know nothing, when suddenly Lady Susan Gresley died, and Hester went to live in the country with her clergyman brother.
A few months later still, and on a mild April day, when the poor London trees had black buds on them, Rachel brushed and folded away in the little painted chest of drawers her few threadbare clothes, and put the boots — which the cobbler whose wife she had nursed had patched for her — under the shelf which held her few cups and plates and the faithful tin kettle, which had always been a cheerful boiler87. And she washed her seven coarse handkerchiefs, and put them in the washband-stand drawer. And then she raked out the fire and cleaned the grate, and set the room in order. It was quickly done. She took up her hat which lay beside a bundle on the bed. Her hands trembled as she put it on. She looked wistfully round her, and her face worked. The little room which had looked so alien when she came to it six years ago had become a home. She went to the window and kissed the pane88 through which she had learnt to see so much. Then she seized up the bundle, and went quickly out, locking the door behind her, and taking the key with her.
“I am going away for a time, but I shall come back,” she said to the cobbler’s wife on the same landing.
“No one comes back as once goes,” said the woman, without raising her eyes from the cheap blouse which she was finishing, which kept so well the grim secret of how it came into being that no one was afraid of buying it.
“I am keeping on the room.”
The woman smiled incredulously, giving one sharp glance at the bundle. She had seen many flittings. She should buy the kettle when Rachel’s “sticks” were sold by the landlord in default of the rent.
“Well, you was a good neighbour,” she said. “There’s a many as ’ull miss you. Good-bye, and good luck to ye. I shan’t say as you’ve left.”
“I shall come back,” said Rachel hoarsely89, and she slipped downstairs like a thief. She felt like a thief. For she was rich. The man who had led her father into the speculations90 which had ruined him had died childless, and had bequeathed to her a colossal fortune.
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sarcastic
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| adj.讥讽的，讽刺的，嘲弄的 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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improvised
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| a.即席而作的,即兴的 | |
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counterfeits
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| v.仿制，造假( counterfeit的第三人称单数 ) | |
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waning
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| adj.（月亮）渐亏的，逐渐减弱或变小的n.月亏v.衰落( wane的现在分词 )；（月）亏；变小；变暗淡 | |
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annihilate
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| v.使无效；毁灭；取消 | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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fortified
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| adj. 加强的 | |
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awed
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| adj.充满敬畏的，表示敬畏的v.使敬畏，使惊惧( awe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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stolid
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| adj.无动于衷的，感情麻木的 | |
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crimson
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| n./adj.深(绯)红色(的)；vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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velvet
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| n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的 | |
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gutters
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| （路边）排水沟( gutter的名词复数 )； 阴沟； （屋顶的）天沟； 贫贱的境地 | |
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dungeon
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| n.地牢，土牢 | |
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yearned
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| 渴望，切盼，向往( yearn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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gilt
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| adj.镀金的；n.金边证券 | |
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crests
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| v.到达山顶（或浪峰）( crest的第三人称单数 )；到达洪峰，达到顶点 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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entreaties
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| n.恳求，乞求( entreaty的名词复数 ) | |
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elicited
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| 引出，探出( elicit的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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riddled
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| adj.布满的；充斥的；泛滥的v.解谜，出谜题(riddle的过去分词形式) | |
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sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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attained
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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surmounted
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| 战胜( surmount的过去式和过去分词 )； 克服（困难）； 居于…之上； 在…顶上 | |
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simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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avalanche
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| n.雪崩，大量涌来 | |
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helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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generosity
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| n.大度，慷慨，慷慨的行为 | |
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frivolous
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| adj.轻薄的；轻率的 | |
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profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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facets
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| n.（宝石或首饰的）小平面( facet的名词复数 )；（事物的）面；方面 | |
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witty
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| adj.机智的，风趣的 | |
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averse
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| adj.厌恶的；反对的，不乐意的 | |
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armour
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| （=armor）n.盔甲；装甲部队 | |
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dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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livelihood
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| n.生计，谋生之道 | |
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bias
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| n.偏见，偏心，偏袒；vt.使有偏见 | |
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dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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collapse
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| vi.累倒；昏倒；倒塌；塌陷 | |
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momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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shroud
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| n.裹尸布，寿衣；罩，幕；vt.覆盖，隐藏 | |
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petal
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| n.花瓣 | |
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hawthorn
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| 山楂 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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importune
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| v.强求；不断请求 | |
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darted
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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blotted
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| 涂污( blot的过去式和过去分词 )； （用吸墨纸）吸干 | |
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blurred
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| v.（使）变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）难以区分；模模糊糊；迷离 | |
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penetrated
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| adj. 击穿的，鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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transcribed
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| （用不同的录音手段）转录( transcribe的过去式和过去分词 )； 改编（乐曲）（以适应他种乐器或声部）； 抄写； 用音标标出（声音） | |
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shrieked
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| v.尖叫( shriek的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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repulsive
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| adj.排斥的，使人反感的 | |
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wilderness
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| n.杳无人烟的一片陆地、水等，荒漠 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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degradation
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| n.降级；低落；退化；陵削；降解；衰变 | |
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toil
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| vi.辛劳工作，艰难地行动；n.苦工，难事 | |
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incarnate
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| adj.化身的，人体化的，肉色的 | |
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innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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sullen
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| adj.愠怒的，闷闷不乐的，(天气等)阴沉的 | |
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furrowed
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| v.犁田，开沟( furrow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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ascent
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| n.(声望或地位)提高；上升，升高；登高 | |
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beseechingly
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| adv. 恳求地 | |
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lining
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| n.衬里，衬料 | |
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passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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affinity
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| n.亲和力，密切关系 | |
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feud
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| n.长期不和；世仇；v.长期争斗；世代结仇 | |
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intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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frieze
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| n.(墙上的)横饰带，雕带 | |
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vindictively
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| adv.恶毒地；报复地 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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reticent
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| adj.沉默寡言的；言不如意的 | |
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yearning
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| a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的 | |
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colossal
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| adj.异常的，庞大的 | |
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inaccessible
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| adj.达不到的，难接近的 | |
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dwelling
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| n.住宅，住所，寓所 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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boiler
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| n.锅炉；煮器(壶，锅等) | |
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pane
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| n.窗格玻璃，长方块 | |
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hoarsely
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| adv.嘶哑地 | |
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speculations
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| n.投机买卖( speculation的名词复数 )；思考；投机活动；推断 | |
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