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Chapter LII
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Les ames dont j’aurai besoin,

Et les étoiles sont trop loin

Je mourral dans un coin.

HOW Hugh shook off Lady Newhaven when she followed him out of the Palace he did not know. There had been some difficulty. She had spoken to him, had urged something upon him. But he had got rid of her somehow, and had found himself sitting in his bedroom at the Southminster Hotel. Anything to be alone! He had felt that was the one thing in life to attain1. But now that he was alone solitude2 suddenly took monstrous3 and hideous4 proportions, and became a horror to flee from. He could not bear the face of a fellow creature. He could not bear this ghoul of solitude. There was no room for him between these great millstones. They pressed upon him till he felt they were crushing him to death between them. In vain he endeavoured to compose himself, to recollect5 himself. But exhaustion6 gradually did for him what he could not do for himself.

Rachel had thrown him over. He had always known she would, and — she had.

They were to have been married in a few weeks; three weeks and one day. He marked a day off every morning when he waked. He had thought of her as his wife till the thought had become part of himself. Its roots were in his inmost being. He tore it out now, and looked at it apart from himself, as a man bleeding and shuddering7 looks upon a dismembered limb.

The sweat broke from Hugh’s forehead. The waiting and daily parting had seemed unbearable8, that short waiting of a few weeks. Now she would never be his. That long, ever-growing hunger of the heart would never be appeased9. She had taken herself away, taking away with her her dear hands and her faithful eyes and the low voice, the very sound of which brought comfort and peace. They were his hands and eyes. She had given them to him. And now she had wrenched10 them away again, those faithful eyes had seared him with their scorn, those white hands against which he had leaned his forehead, had thrust him violently from her. He could not live without her. This was death, to be parted from her.

“I can’t, Rachel, I can’t,” said Hugh, over and over again. What was any lesser11 death, compared to this, compared to her contempt?

She would never come back. She despised him. She would never love him any more. He had told her that it must be a dream that she could love him, and that he should wake. And she had said it was all quite true. How sweetly she had said it. But it was a dream after all, and he had waked — in torment12. Life as long as he lived would be like this moment.

“I will not bear it,” he said suddenly, with the frantic13 instinct of escape which makes a man climb out of a burning house over a window ledge14. Far down is the pavement, quiet, impassive, deadly. But behind is the blast of the furnace. Panic staggers between the two and — jumps.

“I will not bear it,” said Hugh, tears of anguish15 welling up into his eyes.

He had not only lost her, but he had lost himself. That better humble16 earnest self had gone away with Rachel, and he was thrust back on the old false cowardly self whom since she had loved him he had abhorred17. He had disowned it. He had cast it off. Now it enveloped18 him again like a shirt of fire, and a voice within him said, “This is the real you. You deceived yourself for a moment. But this is the real you, the liar19, the coward, the traitor20, who will live with you again for ever.”

“I am forsaken21,” said Hugh. He repeated the words over and over again. “Forsaken. Forsaken.” And he looked round for a way of escape.

Somewhere in the back of his mind a picture hung which he had seen once and never looked at again. He turned and looked at it now, as a man turns and looks at a picture on the wall behind him.

He saw it again, the still upturned face of the little lake among its encircling trees, as he had seen it that day when he and Doll came suddenly upon it in the woods. What had it to do with him? He had escaped from it once. He understood now.

Who, that has once seen it, has ever forgotten it, the look that deep water takes when life is unbearable! “Come down to me among my tall water plants,” it says. “I am a refuge, a way of escape. This horror and nightmare of life cannot reach you in my bosom22. Come down to me. I promise nothing but to lay my cool hand upon the fire in your brain, and that the world shall release its clutch upon you, the world which promises, and will not keep its promises. I will keep mine.”

Hugh’s mind wavered, as the flame of a candle wavers in a sudden draught23. So had it wavered once in the fear of death, and he had yielded to that fear. So it wavered now in a greater fear, the fear of life, and he yielded to that fear.

He caught up his hat, and went out.

It was dark, and he hit against the people in the feebly lighted streets as he hurried past. How hot it was! How absurd to see those gathered heaps of snow, and the muffled24 figures of men and women.

Presently he had left the town, and was in the open country. Where was he going along this interminable road in this dim snow light?

The night was very still. The spirit of the frost stooped over the white face of the earth. The long homely25 lines of meadow and wold and hedgerow showed like the austere26 folds of a shroud27.

Hugh walked swiftly, looking neither to right nor left. The fire in his brain mounted, mounted. The moon, entangled28 in a dim thicket29, got up behind him.

At last he stopped short. That farm on the right! He had seen it before. Yes. That was Greenfields. Doll had pointed30 it out to him when they had walked on that Sunday afternoon to Beaumere. They had left the road here, and had taken to the fields. There was the gate. Hugh opened it. Crack had been lost here and had rejoined them in the wood. The field was empty. A path like a crease31 ran across it.

He knew the way. It was the only way of escape from this shadow in front of him, this other self who had come back to him, and torn Rachel from him, and made her hate him. She loved him really. She was faithful. She would never have forsaken him. But she had mistaken this evil creeping shadow for him, and he had not been able to explain. But she would understand presently. He would make it all very clear and plain, and she would love him again, when he had got rid of this other Hugh. He would take him down and drown him in Beaumere. It was the only way to get rid of him. And he, the real Hugh, would get safely through. He had done it once, and he knew. He should stifle32 and struggle for a little while. There was a turn exceeding sharp to be passed, but he should reach that place of peace beyond, as he had done before, and find Rachel waiting for him, her arms round him again.

“It is the only way,” he said over and over again, “the only way.”

He reached the wood. The moon was up now, and smote33 white and sharp down the long winding34 aisle35 of the cathedral which God builds Him in every forest glade36, where the hoar frost and the snow held now their solemn service of praise.

Hugh saw the little light of the keeper’s cottage, and instinctively37 edged his way to the left. He was pressed for time. A wheel was turning in his head, so quickly, so quickly in this great heat that, unless he were quicker than it, it would out-distance him altogether.

At last he saw the water, and ran down swiftly towards it. The white tree-trunks were in league against him, and waylaid38 him, striking him violently. But he struck back, and got through them. They fell behind at last. His shadow was beside him now, short and nimble. He looked round once or twice to make sure it was still with him.

He reached the water’s edge and then stopped short, aghast. Where was the water gone? It had deceived him and deserted39 him, like everything else. It was all hard as iron, one great white sheet of ice stretching away in front of him. He had thought of the little lake as he had last seen it, cool and deep, and with the shadows of the summer trees in it. It was all changed and gone. There was no help here. The way of escape was closed. With a hoarse40 cry he set off, running across the ice in the direction of the place where he had been nearly drowned before.

It was here, opposite that clump41 of silver birch. The ice was a different colour here. It tilted42 and creaked suddenly beneath his feet. He flung himself down upon it and struck it wildly with his fist. “Let me through,” he stammered43. But the ice resisted him. It made an ominous44 dry crackling as if in mockery. It barely resisted him, but it did resist him. And he had no time, no time. He scrambled45 to his feet again, and it gave way instantly. The other self pounced46 suddenly upon him and came through with him, and they struggled furiously together in deep water.

“I must, I must,” gasped47 Hugh between his clenched48 teeth.

“You shall not,” said the other self, mad with terror. “Hold on to the ice.”

Hugh saw his bleeding hands holding tightly to the jagged edge. It broke. He clutched another piece. It broke again. The current was sucking him slowly under the ice. The broken pieces pushed him. One arm was under already, and he could not get it out. The animal horror of a trap seized him. He had not known it would be like this. He was not prepared for this.

The other self fought furiously for life, clutching and tearing at the breaking ice.

“Call,” it said to him, “while there is still time.”

Hugh set his teeth.

The ice broke in a great piece and tilted heavily against him. It was over one shoulder.

“Call,” said the other self sharply again, “or you will be under the ice.”

And up to the quiet heaven rose once and again a hoarse wild cry of human agony and despair.

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 attain HvYzX     
vt.达到,获得,完成
参考例句:
  • I used the scientific method to attain this end. 我用科学的方法来达到这一目的。
  • His painstaking to attain his goal in life is praiseworthy. 他为实现人生目标所下的苦功是值得称赞的。
2 solitude xF9yw     
n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方
参考例句:
  • People need a chance to reflect on spiritual matters in solitude. 人们需要独处的机会来反思精神上的事情。
  • They searched for a place where they could live in solitude. 他们寻找一个可以过隐居生活的地方。
3 monstrous vwFyM     
adj.巨大的;恐怖的;可耻的,丢脸的
参考例句:
  • The smoke began to whirl and grew into a monstrous column.浓烟开始盘旋上升,形成了一个巨大的烟柱。
  • Your behaviour in class is monstrous!你在课堂上的行为真是丢人!
4 hideous 65KyC     
adj.丑陋的,可憎的,可怕的,恐怖的
参考例句:
  • The whole experience had been like some hideous nightmare.整个经历就像一场可怕的噩梦。
  • They're not like dogs,they're hideous brutes.它们不像狗,是丑陋的畜牲。
5 recollect eUOxl     
v.回忆,想起,记起,忆起,记得
参考例句:
  • He tried to recollect things and drown himself in them.他极力回想过去的事情而沉浸于回忆之中。
  • She could not recollect being there.她回想不起曾经到过那儿。
6 exhaustion OPezL     
n.耗尽枯竭,疲惫,筋疲力尽,竭尽,详尽无遗的论述
参考例句:
  • She slept the sleep of exhaustion.她因疲劳而酣睡。
  • His exhaustion was obvious when he fell asleep standing.他站着睡着了,显然是太累了。
7 shuddering 7cc81262357e0332a505af2c19a03b06     
v.战栗( shudder的现在分词 );发抖;(机器、车辆等)突然震动;颤动
参考例句:
  • 'I am afraid of it,'she answered, shuddering. “我害怕,”她发着抖,说。 来自英汉文学 - 双城记
  • She drew a deep shuddering breath. 她不由得打了个寒噤,深深吸了口气。 来自飘(部分)
8 unbearable alCwB     
adj.不能容忍的;忍受不住的
参考例句:
  • It is unbearable to be always on thorns.老是处于焦虑不安的情况中是受不了的。
  • The more he thought of it the more unbearable it became.他越想越觉得无法忍受。
9 appeased ef7dfbbdb157a2a29b5b2f039a3b80d6     
安抚,抚慰( appease的过去式和过去分词 ); 绥靖(满足另一国的要求以避免战争)
参考例句:
  • His hunger could only be appeased by his wife. 他的欲望只有他的妻子能满足。
  • They are the more readily appeased. 他们比较容易和解。
10 wrenched c171af0af094a9c29fad8d3390564401     
v.(猛力地)扭( wrench的过去式和过去分词 );扭伤;使感到痛苦;使悲痛
参考例句:
  • The bag was wrenched from her grasp. 那只包从她紧握的手里被夺了出来。
  • He wrenched the book from her hands. 他从她的手中把书拧抢了过来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
11 lesser UpxzJL     
adj.次要的,较小的;adv.较小地,较少地
参考例句:
  • Kept some of the lesser players out.不让那些次要的球员参加联赛。
  • She has also been affected,but to a lesser degree.她也受到波及,但程度较轻。
12 torment gJXzd     
n.折磨;令人痛苦的东西(人);vt.折磨;纠缠
参考例句:
  • He has never suffered the torment of rejection.他从未经受过遭人拒绝的痛苦。
  • Now nothing aggravates me more than when people torment each other.没有什么东西比人们的互相折磨更使我愤怒。
13 frantic Jfyzr     
adj.狂乱的,错乱的,激昂的
参考例句:
  • I've had a frantic rush to get my work done.我急急忙忙地赶完工作。
  • He made frantic dash for the departing train.他发疯似地冲向正开出的火车。
14 ledge o1Mxk     
n.壁架,架状突出物;岩架,岩礁
参考例句:
  • They paid out the line to lower him to the ledge.他们放出绳子使他降到那块岩石的突出部分。
  • Suddenly he struck his toe on a rocky ledge and fell.突然他的脚趾绊在一块突出的岩石上,摔倒了。
15 anguish awZz0     
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼
参考例句:
  • She cried out for anguish at parting.分手时,她由于痛苦而失声大哭。
  • The unspeakable anguish wrung his heart.难言的痛苦折磨着他的心。
16 humble ddjzU     
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低
参考例句:
  • In my humble opinion,he will win the election.依我拙见,他将在选举中获胜。
  • Defeat and failure make people humble.挫折与失败会使人谦卑。
17 abhorred 8cf94fb5a6556e11d51fd5195d8700dd     
v.憎恶( abhor的过去式和过去分词 );(厌恶地)回避;拒绝;淘汰
参考例句:
  • He abhorred the thoughts of stripping me and making me miserable. 他憎恶把我掠夺干净,使我受苦的那个念头。 来自辞典例句
  • Each of these oracles hated a particular phrase. Liu the Sage abhorred "Not right for sowing". 二诸葛忌讳“不宜栽种”,三仙姑忌讳“米烂了”。 来自汉英文学 - 中国现代小说
18 enveloped 8006411f03656275ea778a3c3978ff7a     
v.包围,笼罩,包住( envelop的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • She was enveloped in a huge white towel. 她裹在一条白色大毛巾里。
  • Smoke from the burning house enveloped the whole street. 燃烧着的房子冒出的浓烟笼罩了整条街。 来自《简明英汉词典》
19 liar V1ixD     
n.说谎的人
参考例句:
  • I know you for a thief and a liar!我算认识你了,一个又偷又骗的家伙!
  • She was wrongly labelled a liar.她被错误地扣上说谎者的帽子。
20 traitor GqByW     
n.叛徒,卖国贼
参考例句:
  • The traitor was finally found out and put in prison.那个卖国贼终于被人发现并被监禁了起来。
  • He was sold out by a traitor and arrested.他被叛徒出卖而被捕了。
21 Forsaken Forsaken     
adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词
参考例句:
  • He was forsaken by his friends. 他被朋友们背弃了。
  • He has forsaken his wife and children. 他遗弃了他的妻子和孩子。
22 bosom Lt9zW     
n.胸,胸部;胸怀;内心;adj.亲密的
参考例句:
  • She drew a little book from her bosom.她从怀里取出一本小册子。
  • A dark jealousy stirred in his bosom.他内心生出一阵恶毒的嫉妒。
23 draught 7uyzIH     
n.拉,牵引,拖;一网(饮,吸,阵);顿服药量,通风;v.起草,设计
参考例句:
  • He emptied his glass at one draught.他将杯中物一饮而尽。
  • It's a pity the room has no north window and you don't get a draught.可惜这房间没北窗,没有过堂风。
24 muffled fnmzel     
adj.(声音)被隔的;听不太清的;(衣服)裹严的;蒙住的v.压抑,捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 );用厚厚的衣帽包着(自己)
参考例句:
  • muffled voices from the next room 从隔壁房间里传来的沉闷声音
  • There was a muffled explosion somewhere on their right. 在他们的右面什么地方有一声沉闷的爆炸声。 来自《简明英汉词典》
25 homely Ecdxo     
adj.家常的,简朴的;不漂亮的
参考例句:
  • We had a homely meal of bread and cheese.我们吃了一顿面包加乳酪的家常便餐。
  • Come and have a homely meal with us,will you?来和我们一起吃顿家常便饭,好吗?
26 austere GeIyW     
adj.艰苦的;朴素的,朴实无华的;严峻的
参考例句:
  • His way of life is rather austere.他的生活方式相当简朴。
  • The room was furnished in austere style.这间屋子的陈设都很简单朴素。
27 shroud OEMya     
n.裹尸布,寿衣;罩,幕;vt.覆盖,隐藏
参考例句:
  • His past was enveloped in a shroud of mystery.他的过去被裹上一层神秘色彩。
  • How can I do under shroud of a dark sky?在黑暗的天空的笼罩下,我该怎么做呢?
28 entangled e3d30c3c857155b7a602a9ac53ade890     
adj.卷入的;陷入的;被缠住的;缠在一起的v.使某人(某物/自己)缠绕,纠缠于(某物中),使某人(自己)陷入(困难或复杂的环境中)( entangle的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • The bird had become entangled in the wire netting. 那只小鸟被铁丝网缠住了。
  • Some military observers fear the US could get entangled in another war. 一些军事观察家担心美国会卷入另一场战争。 来自《简明英汉词典》
29 thicket So0wm     
n.灌木丛,树林
参考例句:
  • A thicket makes good cover for animals to hide in.丛林是动物的良好隐蔽处。
  • We were now at the margin of the thicket.我们现在已经来到了丛林的边缘。
30 pointed Il8zB4     
adj.尖的,直截了当的
参考例句:
  • He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
  • She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。
31 crease qo5zK     
n.折缝,褶痕,皱褶;v.(使)起皱
参考例句:
  • Does artificial silk crease more easily than natural silk?人造丝比天然丝更易起皱吗?
  • Please don't crease the blouse when you pack it.包装时请不要将衬衫弄皱了。
32 stifle cF4y5     
vt.使窒息;闷死;扼杀;抑止,阻止
参考例句:
  • She tried hard to stifle her laughter.她强忍住笑。
  • It was an uninteresting conversation and I had to stifle a yawn.那是一次枯燥无味的交谈,我不得不强忍住自己的呵欠。
33 smote 61dce682dfcdd485f0f1155ed6e7dbcc     
v.猛打,重击,打击( smite的过去式 )
参考例句:
  • Figuratively, he could not kiss the hand that smote him. 打个比方说,他是不能认敌为友。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹
  • \"Whom Pearl smote down and uprooted, most unmercifully.\" 珠儿会毫不留情地将这些\"儿童\"踩倒,再连根拔起。 来自英汉 - 翻译样例 - 文学
34 winding Ue7z09     
n.绕,缠,绕组,线圈
参考例句:
  • A winding lane led down towards the river.一条弯弯曲曲的小路通向河边。
  • The winding trail caused us to lose our orientation.迂回曲折的小道使我们迷失了方向。
35 aisle qxPz3     
n.(教堂、教室、戏院等里的)过道,通道
参考例句:
  • The aisle was crammed with people.过道上挤满了人。
  • The girl ushered me along the aisle to my seat.引座小姐带领我沿着通道到我的座位上去。
36 glade kgTxM     
n.林间空地,一片表面有草的沼泽低地
参考例句:
  • In the midst of a glade were several huts.林中的空地中间有几间小木屋。
  • The family had their lunch in the glade.全家在林中的空地上吃了午饭。
37 instinctively 2qezD2     
adv.本能地
参考例句:
  • As he leaned towards her she instinctively recoiled. 他向她靠近,她本能地往后缩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He knew instinctively where he would find her. 他本能地知道在哪儿能找到她。 来自《简明英汉词典》
38 waylaid d51e6f2b42919c7332a3f4d41517eb5f     
v.拦截,拦路( waylay的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • I got waylaid on my way here. 我在来这里的路上遭到了拦路抢劫。
  • He was waylaid by thieves. 他在路上被抢了。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
39 deserted GukzoL     
adj.荒芜的,荒废的,无人的,被遗弃的
参考例句:
  • The deserted village was filled with a deathly silence.这个荒废的村庄死一般的寂静。
  • The enemy chieftain was opposed and deserted by his followers.敌人头目众叛亲离。
40 hoarse 5dqzA     
adj.嘶哑的,沙哑的
参考例句:
  • He asked me a question in a hoarse voice.他用嘶哑的声音问了我一个问题。
  • He was too excited and roared himself hoarse.他过于激动,嗓子都喊哑了。
41 clump xXfzH     
n.树丛,草丛;vi.用沉重的脚步行走
参考例句:
  • A stream meandered gently through a clump of trees.一条小溪从树丛中蜿蜒穿过。
  • It was as if he had hacked with his thick boots at a clump of bluebells.仿佛他用自己的厚靴子无情地践踏了一丛野风信子。
42 tilted 3gtzE5     
v. 倾斜的
参考例句:
  • Suddenly the boat tilted to one side. 小船突然倾向一侧。
  • She tilted her chin at him defiantly. 她向他翘起下巴表示挑衅。
43 stammered 76088bc9384c91d5745fd550a9d81721     
v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He stammered most when he was nervous. 他一紧张往往口吃。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
  • Barsad leaned back in his chair, and stammered, \"What do you mean?\" 巴萨往椅背上一靠,结结巴巴地说,“你是什么意思?” 来自英汉文学 - 双城记
44 ominous Xv6y5     
adj.不祥的,不吉的,预兆的,预示的
参考例句:
  • Those black clouds look ominous for our picnic.那些乌云对我们的野餐来说是个不祥之兆。
  • There was an ominous silence at the other end of the phone.电话那头出现了不祥的沉默。
45 scrambled 2e4a1c533c25a82f8e80e696225a73f2     
v.快速爬行( scramble的过去式和过去分词 );攀登;争夺;(军事飞机)紧急起飞
参考例句:
  • Each scrambled for the football at the football ground. 足球场上你争我夺。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • He scrambled awkwardly to his feet. 他笨拙地爬起身来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
46 pounced 431de836b7c19167052c79f53bdf3b61     
v.突然袭击( pounce的过去式和过去分词 );猛扑;一眼看出;抓住机会(进行抨击)
参考例句:
  • As soon as I opened my mouth, the teacher pounced on me. 我一张嘴就被老师抓住呵斥了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The police pounced upon the thief. 警察向小偷扑了过去。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
47 gasped e6af294d8a7477229d6749fa9e8f5b80     
v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 );喘息;倒抽气;很想要
参考例句:
  • She gasped at the wonderful view. 如此美景使她惊讶得屏住了呼吸。
  • People gasped with admiration at the superb skill of the gymnasts. 体操运动员的高超技艺令人赞叹。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
48 clenched clenched     
v.紧握,抓紧,咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He clenched his fists in anger. 他愤怒地攥紧了拳头。
  • She clenched her hands in her lap to hide their trembling. 她攥紧双手放在腿上,以掩饰其颤抖。 来自《简明英汉词典》


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