One thing only was wanting to make the prospect1 of the ball completely satisfactory to Emma - its being fixed2 for a day within the granted term of Frank Churchill's stay in Surry; for, in spite of Mr. Weston's confidence, she could not think it so very impossible that the Churchills might not allow their nephew to remain a day beyond his fortnight. But this was not judged feasible. The preparations must take their time, nothing could be properly ready till the third week were entered on, and for a few days they must be planning, proceeding3 and hoping in uncertainty4 - at the risk - in her opinion, the great risk, of its being all in vain.
Enscombe however was gracious, gracious in fact, if not in word. His wish of staying longer evidently did not please; but it was not opposed. All was safe and prosperous; and as the removal of one solicitude5 generally makes way for another, Emma, being now certain of her ball, began to adopt as the next vexation Mr. Knightley's provoking indifference6 about it. Either because he did not dance himself, or because the plan had been formed without his being consulted, he seemed resolved that it should not interest him, determined7 against its exciting any present curiosity, or affording him any future amusement. To her voluntary communications Emma could get no more approving reply, than,
`Very well. If the Westons think it worth while to be at all this trouble for a few hours of noisy entertainment, I have nothing to say against it, but that they shall not chuse pleasures for me. - Oh! yes, I must be there; I could not refuse; and I will keep as much awake as I can; but I would rather be at home, looking over William Larkins's week's account; much rather, I confess. - Pleasure in seeing dancing! - not I, indeed - I never look at it - I do not know who does. - Fine dancing, I believe, like virtue8, must be its own reward. Those who are standing9 by are usually thinking of something very different.'
This Emma felt was aimed at her; and it made her quite angry. It was not in compliment to Jane Fairfax however that he was so indifferent, or so indignant; he was not guided by her feelings in reprobating the ball, for she enjoyed the thought of it to an extraordinary degree. It made her animated10 - open hearted - she voluntarily said; -
`Oh! Miss Woodhouse, I hope nothing may happen to prevent the ball. What a disappointment it would be! I do look forward to it, I own, with very great pleasure.'
It was not to oblige Jane Fairfax therefore that he would have preferred the society of William Larkins. No! - she was more and more convinced that Mrs. Weston was quite mistaken in that surmise11. There was a great deal of friendly and of compassionate12 attachment13 on his side - but no love.
Alas14! there was soon no leisure for quarrelling with Mr. Knightley. Two days of joyful15 security were immediately followed by the over-throw of every thing. A letter arrived from Mr. Churchill to urge his nephew's instant return. Mrs. Churchill was unwell - far too unwell to do without him; she had been in a very suffering state (so said her husband) when writing to her nephew two days before, though from her usual unwillingness16 to give pain, and constant habit of never thinking of herself, she had not mentioned it; but now she was too ill to trifle, and must entreat17 him to set off for Enscombe without delay.
The substance of this letter was forwarded to Emma, in a note from Mrs. Weston, instantly. As to his going, it was inevitable18. He must be gone within a few hours, though without feeling any real alarm for his aunt, to lessen19 his repugnance20. He knew her illnesses; they never occurred but for her own convenience.
Mrs. Weston added, `that he could only allow himself time to hurry to Highbury, after breakfast, and take leave of the few friends there whom he could suppose to feel any interest in him; and that he might be expected at Hartfield very soon.'
This wretched note was the finale of Emma's breakfast. When once it had been read, there was no doing any thing, but lament21 and exclaim. The loss of the ball - the loss of the young man - and all that the young man might be feeling! - It was too wretched! - Such a delightful22 evening as it would have been! - Every body so happy! and she and her partner the happiest! - `I said it would be so,' was the only consolation23.
Her father's feelings were quite distinct. He thought principally of Mrs. Churchill's illness, and wanted to know how she was treated; and as for the ball, it was shocking to have dear Emma disappointed; but they would all be safer at home.
Emma was ready for her visitor some time before he appeared; but if this reflected at all upon his impatience24, his sorrowful look and total want of spirits when he did come might redeem25 him. He felt the going away almost too much to speak of it. His dejection was most evident. He sat really lost in thought for the first few minutes; and when rousing himself, it was only to say,
`Of all horrid26 things, leave-taking is the worst.'
`But you will come again,' said Emma. `This will not be your only visit to Randalls.'
`Ah! - (shaking his head) - the uncertainty of when I may be able to return! - I shall try for it with a zeal27! - It will be the object of all my thoughts and cares! - and if my uncle and aunt go to town this spring - but I am afraid - they did not stir last spring - I am afraid it is a custom gone for ever.'
`Our poor ball must be quite given up.'
`Ah! that ball! - why did we wait for any thing? - why not seize the pleasure at once? - How often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparation! - You told us it would be so. - Oh! Miss Woodhouse, why are you always so right?'
`Indeed, I am very sorry to be right in this instance. I would much rather have been merry than wise.'
`If I can come again, we are still to have our ball. My father depends on it. Do not forget your engagement.'
Emma looked graciously.
`Such a fortnight as it has been!' he continued; `every day more precious and more delightful than the day before! - every day making me less fit to bear any other place. Happy those, who can remain at Highbury!'
`As you do us such ample justice now,' said Emma, laughing, `I will venture to ask, whether you did not come a little doubtfully at first? Do not we rather surpass your expectations? I am sure we do. I am sure you did not much expect to like us. You would not have been so long in coming, if you had had a pleasant idea of Highbury.'
He laughed rather consciously; and though denying the sentiment, Emma was convinced that it had been so.
`And you must be off this very morning?'
`Yes; my father is to join me here: we shall walk back together, and I must be off immediately. I am almost afraid that every moment will bring him.'
`Not five minutes to spare even for your friends Miss Fairfax and Miss Bates? How unlucky! Miss Bates's powerful, argumentative mind might have strengthened yours.'
`Yes - I have called there; passing the door, I thought it better. It was a right thing to do. I went in for three minutes, and was detained by Miss Bates's being absent. She was out; and I felt it impossible not to wait till she came in. She is a woman that one may, that one must laugh at; but that one would not wish to slight. It was better to pay my visit, then' -
He hesitated, got up, walked to a window.
`In short,' said he, `perhaps, Miss Woodhouse - I think you can hardly be quite without suspicion' -
He looked at her, as if wanting to read her thoughts. She hardly knew what to say. It seemed like the forerunner28 of something absolutely serious, which she did not wish. Forcing herself to speak, therefore, in the hope of putting it by, she calmly said,
`You are quite in the right; it was most natural to pay your visit, then' -
He was silent. She believed he was looking at her; probably reflecting on what she had said, and trying to understand the manner. She heard him sigh. It was natural for him to feel that he had cause to sigh. He could not believe her to be encouraging him. A few awkward moments passed, and he sat down again; and in a more determined manner said,
`It was something to feel that all the rest of my time might be given to Hartfield. My regard for Hartfield is most warm' -
He stopt again, rose again, and seemed quite embarrassed. - He was more in love with her than Emma had supposed; and who can say how it might have ended, if his father had not made his appearance? Mr. Woodhouse soon followed; and the necessity of exertion29 made him composed.
A very few minutes more, however, completed the present trial. Mr. Weston, always alert when business was to be done, and as incapable30 of procrastinating31 any evil that was inevitable, as of foreseeing any that was doubtful, said, `It was time to go;' and the young man, though he might and did sigh, could not but agree, to take leave.
`I shall hear about you all,' said he; that is my chief consolation. I shall hear of every thing that is going on among you. I have engaged Mrs. Weston to correspond with me. She has been so kind as to promise it. Oh! the blessing32 of a female correspondent, when one is really interested in the absent! - she will tell me every thing. In her letters I shall be at dear Highbury again.'
A very friendly shake of the hand, a very earnest `Good-bye,' closed the speech, and the door had soon shut out Frank Churchill. Short had been the notice - short their meeting; he was gone; and Emma felt so sorry to part, and foresaw so great a loss to their little society from his absence as to begin to be afraid of being too sorry, and feeling it too much.
It was a sad change. They had been meeting almost every day since his arrival. Certainly his being at Randalls had given great spirit to the last two weeks - indescribable spirit; the idea, the expectation of seeing him which every morning had brought, the assurance of his attentions, his liveliness, his manners! It had been a very happy fortnight, and forlorn must be the sinking from it into the common course of Hartfield days. To complete every other recommendation, he had almost told her that he loved her. What strength, or what constancy of affection he might be subject to, was another point; but at present she could not doubt his having a decidedly warm admiration33, a conscious preference of herself; and this persuasion34, joined to all the rest, made her think that she must be a little in love with him, in spite of every previous determination against it.
`I certainly must,' said she. `This sensation of listlessness, weariness, stupidity, this disinclination to sit down and employ myself, this feeling of every thing's being dull and insipid35 about the house! - I must be in love; I should be the oddest creature in the world if I were not - for a few weeks at least. Well! evil to some is always good to others. I shall have many fellow-mourners for the ball, if not for Frank Churchill; but Mr. Knightley will be happy. He may spend the evening with his dear William Larkins now if he likes.'
Mr. Knightley, however, shewed no triumphant36 happiness. He could not say that he was sorry on his own account; his very cheerful look would have contradicted him if he had; but he said, and very steadily37, that he was sorry for the disappointment of the others, and with considerable kindness added,
`You, Emma, who have so few opportunities of dancing, you are really out of luck; you are very much out of luck!'
It was some days before she saw Jane Fairfax, to judge of her honest regret in this woeful change; but when they did meet, her composure was odious38. She had been particularly unwell, however, suffering from headache to a degree, which made her aunt declare, that had the ball taken place, she did not think Jane could have attended it; and it was charity to impute39 some of her unbecoming indifference to the languor40 of ill-health.
只差一件事就可以使爱玛对行将举行的舞会感到百分之百满意——日期要定在弗兰克·邱吉尔获准待在萨里的期限内。尽管韦斯顿先生满怀信心,爱玛还是认为,邱吉尔夫妇说不定只许外甥住满两周,想多住一天都不行。可是,在两周内举行舞会看来是行不通的。准备工作还需要时间,要等到进入第三周才能准备妥当,而且得花几天工夫进行筹划,一边盘算,一边着手进行,心里没有多少把握——而要冒着危险——在她看来,还要冒着很大的危险,说不定到头来徒劳一场。
然而,恩斯库姆的人还挺宽容的,即便言语上没有表现出来,实际行动上还是挺宽容的。弗兰克想要多住几天,舅父母显然感到不快,可是他们并没有反对。一切都平安无事,顺顺当当。但是,令人担心的事往往是解决了一桩又来一桩。爱玛现在觉得开舞会不成问题了,但是又有了新的烦恼:奈特利先生对舞会漠不关心,真令人为之恼火、、不知道是因为他自己不跳舞,还是因为事先没跟他商量,看来他是决计不去关心这场舞会,眼下决不对之产生好奇心,将来也决不跟着凑热闹。爱玛主动把舞会的情况告诉他,他只是作了这样的回答:
“好吧。如果为了几小时的喧闹取乐,韦斯顿夫妇认为值得花这么大的力气,那我也没有什么好反对的,不过我可不要他们来决定我的乐趣。哦!是呀,我是非去不可的。我没法拒绝,还要尽可能不打瞌睡,可我宁愿待在家里,看看威廉·拉金斯一周来的账目。说实话,我真想待在家里。开心地看别人跳舞!我还真不会呢——我从来不看——也不知道有谁爱看。我相信,优美的舞蹈就像美德一样,一定有其本身的价值。旁观者往往抱着不同的看法。”
爱玛觉得这话是针对她说的,不由得十分生气。然而,他这样冷漠,这样气愤,并不是为了讨好简·费尔法克斯。他反对举行舞会,并不是受了她的情绪的影响,因为她一想到要开舞会,心里就高兴得不得了。她为之感到兴奋——性情也开朗了——不由自主地说:
“哦!伍德豪斯小姐,但愿别出什么事搅得舞会开不成。那会让人多扫兴啊!不瞒你说,我怀着无比欣喜的心情期待着。”
因此,奈特利先生并不是为了讨好简·费尔法克斯,才宁愿与威廉·拉金斯做伴的。不是的!爱玛越来越觉得,韦斯顿太太完全猜错了。奈特利先生对简是很友好,也很同情——但却并不爱她。
唉!马上就没有闲暇与奈特利先生争执了。才满怀希望地高兴了两天,事情一下子泡汤了。邱吉尔先生来了一封信,催他外甥速归。邱吉尔太太病了——病得很重,非要他回去不可。据她丈夫说,她两天前给外甥写信时,身体就已经很不舒服,只因一向不愿给别人带来苦恼,一向从不顾惜自己,因而没有说起自己的病情。然而她现在病势加重,实在轻视不得了,只好恳请他立刻返回恩斯库姆。
韦斯顿太太当即写了一封短简,将那封信的主要内容转告了爱玛。弗兰克要走,这是不可扭转的。尽管他没有为舅妈感到惊慌,没有减少对她的厌恶之情,但他还得在几小时之内就启程。他了解舅妈的病情:若不是为了自己的便利,她是从来不生病的。
韦斯顿太太又写道:“他只能利用早饭后的时间匆匆赶到海伯里,向他认为关心他的几位朋友道个别,预计他很快就会到达哈特菲尔德。”
这封带来不幸消息的短简让爱玛再也吃不下早饭了。她一看完短简,除了长吁短叹之外,什么事也做不成了。舞会吹了——那个年轻人走了——他心里所想的一切都化为了泡影!真是太不幸了!本来该是多么令人愉快的一个夜晚啊!每个人都那么兴高采烈!她和她的舞伴将是最开心的一对!“我早就说过会有这样的结局,”这是她唯一的安慰。
她父亲的心情就大不相同了。他主要关心的是邱吉尔太太的病情,想知道是怎么治疗的。至于舞会,让亲爱的爱玛感到失望固然不像话,但是待在家里还要平安些。
爱玛等了一会,她的客人才来。不过,如果这一点表明他并不急于想见到她的话,那他到来时的那副满面忧伤和无精打采的样子,则足以补偿他的过失。他因为要走,心里觉得十分难受,连话都不想说了。显然,他情绪非常低落。起初,他坐在那里沉思,还真发了一会呆。等再回过神来,只说了这么一句:
“什么事也没有离别让人更伤心的。”
“可你还会再来的,”爱玛说。“你不会只来兰多尔斯这一回吧。”
“唉!”弗兰克摇了摇头,“很难说我什么时候能再来呀!我会极力争取的!这将是我一心一意追求的目标!如果我舅父舅妈今年春天肯去伦敦——可是我又担心——他们去年春天就没去——我担心他们的这一习惯一去不复返了。”
“我们那倒霉的舞会肯定开不成了。”
“啊!那场舞会呀!我们当初为什么要等呢?为什么不抓紧时机及时取乐呢?好事往往让准备工作破坏了,愚蠢的准备工作啊!你‘一对我们说过会有这样的结果。哦!伍德豪斯小姐,怎么总是让你言中了呢?”
“说真的,这次让我言中了,我感到很遗憾。我宁愿快活一场,而不要这先见之明。”
“如果我能再来,我们还是要举行舞会。我父亲认为一定要举行。你可别忘记你的许诺呀。”
爱玛亲昵地望着他。
“多么有意思的两个星期啊!”弗兰克接着说。“每一天都比前一天更难得,更快活!每一天都使我更不愿意到别的地方去。能住在海伯里的人真是幸福啊!”
“既然你现在这么喜欢我们这儿,”爱玛笑着说,“我想冒昧地问一声:你当初来的时候是否有点不情愿?我们是不是比你预料的要好?我想准是这样。我想你一准没有料到会喜欢我们。你当初要不是因为不喜欢海伯里的话,也不会拖那么久才来。”
弗兰克不好意思地笑了。尽管他否认有那样的情绪,爱玛还是认为事实就是那样。
“你今天上午就要走吗?”
“是的,我父亲要来这儿接我,我们一道回去,我得马上动身。恐怕他随时会到。”
“甚至都抽不出五分钟去看看你的朋友费尔法克斯小姐和贝茨小姐吗?真令人遗憾!贝茨小姐见多识广,能言善辩,也许会帮你增长见识的。”
“是啊——我已经去过那儿了。从她家门口走过时,我想还是进去为好。这是理所当然的事。我本来打算进去待三分钟,因为贝茨小姐不在家,就多耽搁了一会儿。她出去了,我觉得不能不等她回来。她这个人,也许会惹人笑话,也必定会惹人笑话,但是谁也不愿意瞧不起她。我最好还是去看看她,然后——”
弗兰克顿住了,立起身来,朝窗口走去。
“总之,”他说,“也许,伍德豪斯小姐——我看你不会一点也不怀疑——”
他看着爱玛,仿佛要猜透她的心思。爱玛简直不知道说什么是好。这好像是个先兆,预示要发生一件万分认真的事,而这又不是她所希望发生的事。因此,她逼迫自己开口,希望借此避开这件事,便镇定地说道:
“你做得很对。你去看看她是理所当然的,然后——”
弗兰克默不做声。爱玛心想他一定在看着她,也许在琢磨她的话,揣测她的态度。她听见他叹了口气。他自然觉得他有理由叹气。他不敢相信爱玛在鼓励他。尴尬地过了一会,他又坐下来了,以比较坚定的口吻说:
“我本来觉得,能把余下的时间都奉献给哈特菲尔德,是件聊以自慰的事。我真喜欢哈特菲尔德——”
他又顿住了,又立起身来,显得非常局促。他比爱玛想象的还要爱她。如果他父亲不来的话,谁知道会闹出什么样的结局呢?过了不久,伍德豪斯先生也来了,因为需要尽力做好应酬,他就平静下来了。
不过,只过了一会工夫,这难堪的局面便结束了。韦斯顿先生遇事一向干脆利落,既不会拖延不可避免的坏事,也不会预见尚未肯定的坏事,因而只说了一句:“该走了。”那位年轻人禁不住叹了口气,只得表示同意,起身告辞了。
“我会得知你们大家的情况的,”弗兰克说。“这是我最大的安慰。我将获悉你们这儿发生的每一件事。我请韦斯顿太太跟我通信,她好心地答应了。哦!你要是真正思念不在身边的人,跟一位女性通通信可是一件幸事啊!她会把一切都告诉我。读着她的信,我仿佛又回到了我所热爱的海伯里。”
说完这席话,他和爱玛十分亲切地握了握手,十分恳切地说了声“再见”,随即门关上了,弗兰克·邱吉尔也走了。真是说走就走——他们只匆匆地见了一面。他走了。爱玛觉得分别的滋味真不好受,料想他这一走,对他们这个小圈子里的人是多大的损失,她担心自己会过于难过,过于伤感。
这是一个不幸的变化。弗兰克来了以后,他们俩几乎天天见面。在过去的两个星期里,他的到来无疑给兰多尔斯增添了很大的活力——难以形容的活力。每天早上都想着见到他,期盼见到他,而他总是那么殷勤备至,那么生气勃勃,那么风度翩翩!那两个星期真是快活极了,可现在哈特菲尔德又要回到以前的老样子,真令人可怜。弗兰克有这样那样的好处,而尤为可贵的是,他几乎向她表白了他爱她。至于他的爱有多深,是否能持久,那是另一码事。但她现在可以肯定,他确实非常爱慕她,打心里喜欢她。一想到这里,再加上其他种种念头,她不由得意识到:她自己一定有点爱上他了,尽管她以前下定决心不谈恋爱。
“肯定是这么回事,”她心想。“这么没精打采,懒懒洋洋,痴痴呆呆,也不想坐下来做点事,觉得家里的一切都那么沉闷乏味!我肯定坠人了情网。如若不然,我就是天下一个最最古怪的人——至少有几个星期如此。唉!一些人视为不幸的事,另一些人总认为是好事。即使没有什么人跟我一起为弗兰克·邱吉尔离去而惋惜,也会有许多人跟我一起为开不成舞会而悲叹。但是,奈特利先生却会感到高兴。他要是愿意的话,晚上尽可以跟可爱的威廉·拉金斯待在一起了。”
然而,奈特利先生并没有露出洋洋得意的喜悦之情。他不能说他为自己感到遗憾;如果他要这样说的话,他那喜气洋洋的神态就会表明他言不由衷。不过他却说,而且是执意说:他为别人的失望感到遗憾,并用十分亲切的口吻补充了一句:
“爱玛,你难得有机会跳跳舞,真不走运。太不凑巧啦!”
爱玛有好几天没有见到简·费尔法克斯,心想她对这一不幸变化一定感到不胜遗憾。可是等到她们见面时,她那副满不在乎的样子真令人作呕。然而,她这一阵身体特别不好,头痛难忍,据她姨妈说,即使举行舞会,她认为简也没法参加。因而,把她那不得体的冷漠态度归咎于身体欠佳引起的情绪低沉,那对她是很宽容的。
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n.前景,前途;景色,视野 | |
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2 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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3 proceeding | |
n.行动,进行,(pl.)会议录,学报 | |
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4 uncertainty | |
n.易变,靠不住,不确知,不确定的事物 | |
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5 solicitude | |
n.焦虑 | |
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6 indifference | |
n.不感兴趣,不关心,冷淡,不在乎 | |
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7 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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8 virtue | |
n.德行,美德;贞操;优点;功效,效力 | |
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9 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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10 animated | |
adj.生气勃勃的,活跃的,愉快的 | |
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11 surmise | |
v./n.猜想,推测 | |
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12 compassionate | |
adj.有同情心的,表示同情的 | |
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13 attachment | |
n.附属物,附件;依恋;依附 | |
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14 alas | |
int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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15 joyful | |
adj.欢乐的,令人欢欣的 | |
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16 unwillingness | |
n. 不愿意,不情愿 | |
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17 entreat | |
v.恳求,恳请 | |
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18 inevitable | |
adj.不可避免的,必然发生的 | |
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19 lessen | |
vt.减少,减轻;缩小 | |
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20 repugnance | |
n.嫌恶 | |
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21 lament | |
n.悲叹,悔恨,恸哭;v.哀悼,悔恨,悲叹 | |
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22 delightful | |
adj.令人高兴的,使人快乐的 | |
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23 consolation | |
n.安慰,慰问 | |
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24 impatience | |
n.不耐烦,急躁 | |
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25 redeem | |
v.买回,赎回,挽回,恢复,履行(诺言等) | |
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26 horrid | |
adj.可怕的;令人惊恐的;恐怖的;极讨厌的 | |
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27 zeal | |
n.热心,热情,热忱 | |
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28 forerunner | |
n.前身,先驱(者),预兆,祖先 | |
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29 exertion | |
n.尽力,努力 | |
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30 incapable | |
adj.无能力的,不能做某事的 | |
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31 procrastinating | |
拖延,耽搁( procrastinate的现在分词 ); 拖拉 | |
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32 blessing | |
n.祈神赐福;祷告;祝福,祝愿 | |
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33 admiration | |
n.钦佩,赞美,羡慕 | |
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34 persuasion | |
n.劝说;说服;持有某种信仰的宗派 | |
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35 insipid | |
adj.无味的,枯燥乏味的,单调的 | |
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36 triumphant | |
adj.胜利的,成功的;狂欢的,喜悦的 | |
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37 steadily | |
adv.稳定地;不变地;持续地 | |
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38 odious | |
adj.可憎的,讨厌的 | |
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39 impute | |
v.归咎于 | |
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40 languor | |
n.无精力,倦怠 | |
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