The girl was at once shy and wild. She had a curious contempt for ordinary people, a benevolent4 superiority. She was very shy, and tortured with misery5 when people did not like her. On the other hand, she cared very little for anybody save her mother, whom she still rather resentfully worshipped, and her father, whom she loved and patronised, but upon whom she depended. These two, her mother and father, held her still in fee. But she was free of other people, towards whom, on the whole, she took the benevolent attitude. She deeply hated ugliness or intrusion or arrogance7, however. As a child, she was as proud and shadowy as a tiger, and as aloof9. She could confer favours, but, save from her mother and father, she could receive none. She hated people who came too near to her. Like a wild thing, she wanted her distance. She mistrusted intimacy10.
In Cossethay and Ilkeston she was always an alien. She had plenty of acquaintances, but no friends. Very few people whom she met were significant to her. They seemed part of a herd11, undistinguished. She did not take people very seriously.
She had tow brothers, Tom, dark-haired, small, volatile12, whom she was intimately related to but whom she never mingled13 with, and Fred, fair and responsive, whom she adored but did not consider as a real, separate thing. She was too much the centre of her own universe, too little aware of anything outside.
The first person she met, who affected14 her as a real, living person, whom she regarded as having definite existence, was Baron15 Skrebensky, her mother’s friend. He also was a Polish exile, who had taken orders, and had received from Mr. Gladstone a small country living in Yorkshire.
When Anna was about ten years old, she went with her mother to spend a few days with the Baron Skrebensky. He was very unhappy in his red-brick vicarage. He was vicar of a country church, a living worth a little over two hundred pounds a year, but he had a large parish containing several collieries, with a new, raw, heathen population. He went to the north of England expecting homage16 from the common people, for he was an aristocrat17. He was roughly, even cruelly received. But he never understood it. He remained a fiery18 aristocrat. Only he had to learn to avoid his parishioners.
Anna was very much impressed by him. He was a smallish man with a rugged19, rather crumpled20 face and blue eyes set very deep and glowing. His wife was a tall thin woman, of noble Polish family, mad with pride. He still spoke21 broken English, for he had kept very close to his wife, both of them forlorn in this strange, inhospitable country, and they always spoke in Polish together. He was disappointed with Mrs. Brangwen’s soft, natural English, very disappointed that her child spoke no Polish.
Anna loved to watch him. She liked the big, new, rambling22 vicarage, desolate23 and stark24 on its hill. It was so exposed, so bleak25 and bold after the Marsh26. The Baron talked endlessly in Polish to Mrs. Brangwen; he made furious gestures with his hands, his blue eyes were full of fire. And to Anna, there was a significance about his sharp, flinging movements. Something in her responded to his extravagance and his exuberant27 manner. She thought him a very wonderful person. She was shy of him, she liked him to talk to her. She felt a sense of freedom near him.
She never could tell how she knew it, but she did know that he was a knight28 of Malta. She could never remember whether she had seen his star, or cross, of his order or not, but it flashed in her mind, like a symbol. He at any rate represented to the child the real world, where kings and lords and princes moved and fulfilled their shining lives, whilst queens and ladies and princesses upheld the noble order.
She had recognised the Baron Skrebensky as a real person, he had had some regard for her. But when she did not see him any more, he faded and became a memory. But as a memory he was always alive to her.
Anna became a tall, awkward girl. Her eyes were still very dark and quick, but they had grown careless, they had lost their watchful29, hostile look. Her fierce, spun30 hair turned brown, it grew heavier and was tied back. She was sent to a young ladies’ school in Nottingham.
And at this period she was absorbed in becoming a young lady. She was intelligent enough, but not interested in learning. At first, she thought all the girls at school very ladylike and wonderful, and she wanted to be like them. She came to a speedy disillusion31: they galled32 and maddened her, they were petty and mean. After the loose, generous atmosphere of her home, where little things did not count, she was always uneasy in the world, that would snap and bite at every trifle.
A quick change came over her. She mistrusted herself, she mistrusted the outer world. She did not want to go on, she did not want to go out into it, she wanted to go no further.
“What do I care about that lot of girls?” she would say to her father, contemptuously; “they are nobody.”
The trouble was that the girls would not accept Anna at her measure. They would have her according to themselves or not at all. So she was confused, seduced33, she became as they were for a time, and then, in revulsion, she hated them furiously.
“Why don’t you ask some of your girls here?” her father would say.
“They’re not coming here,” she cried.
“And why not?”
“They’re bagatelle,” she said, using one of her mother’s rare phrases.
“Bagatelles or billiards34, it makes no matter, they’re nice young lasses enough.”
But Anna was not to be won over. She had a curious shrinking from commonplace people, and particularly from the young lady of her day. She would not go into company because of the ill-at-ease feeling other people brought upon her. And she never could decide whether it were her fault or theirs. She half respected these other people, and continuous disillusion maddened her. She wanted to respect them. Still she thought the people she did not know were wonderful. Those she knew seemed always to be limiting her, tying her up in little falsities that irritated her beyond bearing. She would rather stay at home and avoid the rest of the world, leaving it illusory.
For at the Marsh life had indeed a certain freedom and largeness. There was no fret35 about money, no mean little precedence, nor care for what other people thought, because neither Mrs. Brangwen nor Brangwen could be sensible of any judgment36 passed on them from outside. Their lives were too separate.
So Anna was only easy at home, where the common sense and the supreme37 relation between her parents produced a freer standard of being than she could find outside. Where, outside the Marsh, could she find the tolerant dignity she had been brought up in? Her parents stood undiminished and unaware38 of criticism. The people she met outside seemed to begrudge39 her her very existence. They seemed to want to belittle40 her also. She was exceedingly reluctant to go amongst them. She depended upon her mother and her father. And yet she wanted to go out.
At school, or in the world, she was usually at fault, she felt usually that she ought to be slinking in disgrace. She never felt quite sure, in herself, whether she were wrong, or whether the others were wrong. She had not done her lessons: well, she did not see any reason why she should do her lessons, if she did not want to. Was there some occult reason why she should? Were these people, schoolmistresses, representatives of some mystic Right, some Higher Good? They seemed to think so themselves. But she could not for her life see why a woman should bully41 and insult her because she did not know thirty lines of As You Like It. After all, what did it matter if she knew them or not? Nothing could persuade her that it was of the slightest importance. Because she despised inwardly the coarsely working nature of the mistress. Therefore she was always at outs with authority. From constant telling, she came almost to believe in her own badness, her own intrinsic inferiority. She felt that she ought always to be in a state of slinking disgrace, if she fulfilled what was expected of her. But she rebelled. She never really believed in her own badness. At the bottom of her heart she despised the other people, who carped and were loud over trifles. She despised them, and wanted revenge on them. She hated them whilst they had power over her.
Still she kept an ideal: a free, proud lady absolved42 from the petty ties, existing beyond petty considerations. She would see such ladies in pictures: Alexandra, Princess of Wales, was one of her models. This lady was proud and royal, and stepped indifferently over all small, mean desires: so thought Anna, in her heart. And the girl did up her hair high under a little slanting43 hat, her skirts were fashionably bunched up, she wore an elegant, skin-fitting coat.
Her father was delighted. Anna was very proud in her bearing, too naturally indifferent to smaller bonds to satisfy Ilkeston, which would have liked to put her down. But Brangwen was having no such thing. If she chose to be royal, royal she should be. He stood like a rock between her and the world.
After the fashion of his family, he grew stout44 and handsome. His blue eyes were full of light, twinkling and sensitive, his manner was deliberate, but hearty45, warm. His capacity for living his own life without attention from his neighbours made them respect him. They would run to do anything for him. He did not consider them, but was open-handed towards them, so they made profit of their willingness. He liked people, so long as they remained in the background.
Mrs. Brangwen went on in her own way, following her own devices. She had her husband, her two sons and Anna. These staked out and marked her horizon. The other people were outsiders. Inside her own world, her life passed along like a dream for her, it lapsed46, and she lived within its lapse47, active and always pleased, intent. She scarcely noticed the outer things at all. What was outside was outside, non-existent. She did not mind if the boys fought, so long as it was out of her presence. But if they fought when she was by, she was angry, and they were afraid of her. She did not care if they broke a window of a railway carriage or sold their watches to have a revel48 at the Goose Fair. Brangwen was perhaps angry over these things. To the mother they were insignificant49. It was odd little things that offended her. She was furious if the boys hung around the slaughter-house, she was displeased50 when the school reports were bad. It did not matter how many sins her boys were accused of, so long as they were not stupid, or inferior. If they seemed to brook51 insult, she hated them. And it was only a certain gaucherie, a gawkiness on Anna’s part that irritated her against the girl. Certain forms of clumsiness, grossness, made the mother’s eyes glow with curious rage. Otherwise she was pleased, indifferent.
Pursuing her splendid-lady ideal, Anna became a lofty demoiselle of sixteen, plagued by family shortcomings. She was very sensitive to her father. She knew if he had been drinking, were he ever so little affected, and she could not bear it. He flushed when he drank, the veins53 stood out on his temples, there was a twinkling, cavalier boisterousness54 in his eye, his manner was jovially56 overbearing and mocking. And it angered her. When she heard his loud, roaring, boisterous55 mockery, an anger of resentment57 filled her. She was quick to forestall58 him, the moment he came in.
“You look a sight, you do, red in the face,” she cried.
“I might look worse if I was green,” he answered.
“Boozing in Ilkeston.”
“And what’s wrong wi’ Il’son?”
She flounced away. He watched her with amused, twinkling eyes, yet in spite of himself said that she flouted59 him.
They were a curious family, a law to themselves, separate from the world, isolated60, a small republic set in invisible bounds. The mother was quite indifferent to Ilkeston and Cossethay, to any claims made on her from outside, she was very shy of any outsider, exceedingly courteous61, winning even. But the moment the visitor had gone, she laughed and dismissed him, he did not exist. It had been all a game to her. She was still a foreigner, unsure of her ground. But alone with her own children and husband at the Marsh, she was mistress of a little native land that lacked nothing.
She had some beliefs somewhere, never defined. She had been brought up a Roman Catholic. She had gone to the Church of England for protection. The outward form was a matter of indifference to her. Yet she had some fundamental religion. It was as if she worshipped God as a mystery, never seeking in the least to define what He was.
And inside her, the subtle sense of the Great Absolute wherein she had her being was very strong. The English dogma never reached her: the language was too foreign. Through it all she felt the great Separator who held life in His hands, gleaming, imminent62, terrible, the Great Mystery, immediate63 beyond all telling.
She shone and gleamed to the Mystery, Whom she knew through all her senses, she glanced with strange, mystic superstitions64 that never found expression in the English language, never mounted to thought in English. But so she lived, within a potent65, sensuous66 belief that included her family and contained her destiny.
To this she had reduced her husband. He existed with her entirely67 indifferent to the general values of the world. Her very ways, the very mark of her eyebrows68 were symbols and indication to him. There, on the farm with her, he lived through a mystery of life and death and creation, strange, profound ecstasies69 and incommunicable satisfactions, of which the rest of the world knew nothing; which made the pair of them apart and respected in the English village, for they were also well-to-do.
But Anna was only half safe within her mother’s unthinking knowledge. She had a mother-of-pearl rosary that had been her own father’s. What it meant to her she could never say. But the string of moonlight and silver, when she had it between her fingers, filled her with strange passion. She learned at school a little Latin, she learned an Ave Maria and a Pater Noster, she learned how to say her rosary. But that was no good. “Ave Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum, Benedicta tu in mulieribus et benedictus fructus ventris tui Jesus. Ave Maria, Sancta Maria, ora pro8 nobis peccatoribus, nunc et in hora mortis nostrae, Amen.”
It was not right, somehow. What these words meant when translated was not the same as the pale rosary meant. There was a discrepancy71, a falsehood. It irritated her to say, “Dominus tecum,” or, “benedicta tu in mulieribus.” She loved the mystic words, “Ave Maria, Sancta Maria;” she was moved by “benedictus fructus ventris tui Jesus,” and by “nunc et in hora mortis nostrae.” But none of it was quite real. It was not satisfactory, somehow.
She avoided her rosary, because, moving her with curious passion as it did, it meant only these not very significant things. She put it away. It was her instinct to put all these things away. It was her instinct to avoid thinking, to avoid it, to save herself.
She was seventeen, touchy72, full of spirits, and very moody73: quick to flush, and always uneasy, uncertain. For some reason or other, she turned more to her father, she felt almost flashes of hatred74 for her mother. Her mother’s dark muzzle75 and curiously76 insidious77 ways, her mother’s utter surety and confidence, her strange satisfaction, even triumph, her mother’s way of laughing at things and her mother’s silent overriding78 of vexatious propositions, most of all her mother’s triumphant79 power maddened the girl.
She became sudden and incalculable. Often she stood at the window, looking out, as if she wanted to go. Sometimes she went, she mixed with people. But always she came home in anger, as if she were diminished, belittled80, almost degraded.
There was over the house a kind of dark silence and intensity81, in which passion worked its inevitable82 conclusions. There was in the house a sort of richness, a deep, inarticulate interchange which made other places seem thin and unsatisfying. Brangwen could sit silent, smoking in his chair, the mother could move about in her quiet, insidious way, and the sense of the two presences was powerful, sustaining. The whole intercourse83 was wordless, intense and close.
But Anna was uneasy. She wanted to get away. Yet wherever she went, there came upon her that feeling of thinness, as if she were made smaller, belittled. She hastened home.
There she raged and interrupted the strong, settled interchange. Sometimes her mother turned on her with a fierce, destructive anger, in which was no pity or consideration. And Anna shrank, afraid. She went to her father.
He would still listen to the spoken word, which fell sterile84 on the unheeding mother. Sometimes Anna talked to her father. She tried to discuss people, she wanted to know what was meant. But her father became uneasy. He did not want to have things dragged into consciousness. Only out of consideration for her he listened. And there was a kind of bristling85 rousedness in the room. The cat got up and stretching itself, went uneasily to the door. Mrs. Brangwen was silent, she seemed ominous86. Anna could not go on with her fault-finding, her criticism, her expression of dissatisfactions. She felt even her father against her. He had a strong, dark bond with her mother, a potent intimacy that existed inarticulate and wild, following its own course, and savage87 if interrupted, uncovered.
Nevertheless Brangwen was uneasy about the girl, the whole house continued to be disturbed. She had a pathetic, baffled appeal. She was hostile to her parents, even whilst she lived entirely with them, within their spell.
Many ways she tried, of escape. She became an assiduous church-goer. But the language meant nothing to her: it seemed false. She hated to hear things expressed, put into words. Whilst the religious feelings were inside her they were passionately89 moving. In the mouth of the clergyman, they were false, indecent. She tried to read. But again the tedium90 and the sense of the falsity of the spoken word put her off. She went to stay with girl friends. At first she thought it splendid. But then the inner boredom91 came on, it seemed to her all nothingness. And she felt always belittled, as if never, never could she stretch her length and stride her stride.
Her mind reverted92 often to the torture cell of a certain Bishop93 of France, in which the victim could neither stand nor lie stretched out, never. Not that she thought of herself in any connection with this. But often there came into her mind the wonder, how the cell was built, and she could feel the horror of the crampedness, as something very real.
She was, however, only eighteen when a letter came from Mrs. Alfred Brangwen, in Nottingham, saying that her son William was coming to Ilkeston to take a place as junior draughtsman, scarcely more than apprentice94, in a lace factory. He was twenty years old, and would the Marsh Brangwens be friendly with him.
Tom Brangwen at once wrote offering the young man a home at the Marsh. This was not accepted, but the Nottingham Brangwens expressed gratitude95.
There had never been much love lost between the Nottingham Brangwens and the Marsh. Indeed, Mrs. Alfred, having inherited three thousand pounds, and having occasion to be dissatisfied with her husband, held aloof from all the Brangwens whatsoever96. She affected, however, some esteem97 of Mrs. Tom, as she called the Polish woman, saying that at any rate she was a lady.
Anna Brangwen was faintly excited at the news of her Cousin Will’s coming to Ilkeston. She knew plenty of young men, but they had never become real to her. She had seen in this young gallant98 a nose she liked, in that a pleasant moustache, in the other a nice way of wearing clothes, in one a ridiculous fringe of hair, in another a comical way of talking. They were objects of amusement and faint wonder to her, rather than real beings, the young men.
The only man she knew was her father; and, as he was something large, looming99, a kind of Godhead, he embraced all manhood for her, and other men were just incidental.
She remembered her cousin Will. He had town clothes and was thin, with a very curious head, black as jet, with hair like sleek100, thin fur. It was a curious head: it reminded her she knew not of what: of some animal, some mysterious animal that lived in the darkness under the leaves and never came out, but which lived vividly101, swift and intense. She always thought of him with that black, keen, blind head. And she considered him odd.
He appeared at the Marsh one Sunday morning: a rather long, thin youth with a bright face and a curious self-possession among his shyness, a native unawareness102 of what other people might be, since he was himself.
When Anna came downstairs in her Sunday clothes, ready for church, he rose and greeted her conventionally, shaking hands. His manners were better than hers. She flushed. She noticed that he now had a thick fledge on his upper lip, a black, finely-shapen line marking his wide mouth. It rather repelled103 her. It reminded her of the thin, fine fur of his hair. She was aware of something strange in him.
His voice had rather high upper notes, and very resonant104 middle notes. It was queer. She wondered why he did it. But he sat very naturally in the Marsh living-room. He had some uncouthness106, some natural self-possession of the Brangwens, that made him at home there.
Anna was rather troubled by the strangely intimate, affectionate way her father had towards this young man. He seemed gentle towards him, he put himself aside in order to fill out the young man. This irritated Anna.
“Father,” she said abruptly107, “give me some collection.”
“What collection?” asked Brangwen.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she cried, flushing.
“Nay,” he said, “what collection’s this?”
“You know it’s the first Sunday of the month.”
Anna stood confused. Why was he doing this, why was he making her conspicuous108 before this stranger?
“I want some collection,” she reasserted.
“So tha says,” he replied indifferently, looking at her, then turning again to this nephew.
She went forward, and thrust her hand into his breeches pocket. He smoked steadily109, making no resistance, talking to his nephew. Her hand groped about in his pocket, and then drew out his leathern purse. Her colour was bright in her clear cheeks, her eyes shone. Brangwen’s eyes were twinkling. The nephew sat sheepishly. Anna, in her finery, sat down and slid all the money into her lap. There was silver and gold. The youth could not help watching her. She was bent110 over the heap of money, fingering the different coins.
“I’ve a good mind to take half a sovereign,” she said, and she looked up with glowing dark eyes. She met the light-brown eyes of her cousin, close and intent upon her. She was startled. She laughed quickly, and turned to her father.
“I’ve a good mind to take half a sovereign, our Dad,” she said.
“Yes, nimble fingers,” said her father. “You take what’s your own.”
“Are you coming, our Anna?” asked her brother from the door.
She suddenly chilled to normal, forgetting both her father and her cousin.
“Yes, I’m ready,” she said, taking sixpence from the heap of money and sliding the rest back into the purse, which she laid on the table.
“Give it here,” said her father.
Hastily she thrust the purse into his pocket and was going out.
“You’d better go wi’ ’em, lad, hadn’t you?” said the father to the nephew.
Will Brangwen rose uncertainly. He had golden-brown, quick, steady eyes, like a bird’s, like a hawk111’s, which cannot look afraid.
“Your Cousin Will ’ll come with you,” said the father.
Anna glanced at the strange youth again. She felt him waiting there for her to notice him. He was hovering112 on the edge of her consciousness, ready to come in. She did not want to look at him. She was antagonistic113 to him.
She waited without speaking. Her cousin took his hat and joined her. It was summer outside. Her brother Fred was plucking a sprig of flowery currant to put in his coat, from the bush at the angle of the house. She took no notice. Her cousin followed just behind her.
They were on the high road. She was aware of a strangeness in her being. It made her uncertain. She caught sight of the flowering currant in her brother’s buttonhole.
“Oh, our Fred,” she cried. “Don’t wear that stuff to go to church.”
Fred looked down protectively at the pink adornment114 on his breast.
“Why, I like it,” he said.
“Then you’re the only one who does, I’m sure,” she said.
And she turned to her cousin.
“Do you like the smell of it?” she asked.
He was there beside her, tall and uncouth105 and yet self-possessed115. It excited her.
“I can’t say whether I do or not,” he replied.
“Give it here, Fred, don’t have it smelling in church,” she said to the little boy, her page.
Her fair, small brother handed her the flower dutifully. She sniffed116 it and gave it without a word to her cousin, for his judgment. He smelled the dangling117 flower curiously.
“It’s a funny smell,” he said.
And suddenly she laughed, and a quick light came on all their faces, there was a blithe118 trip in the small boy’s walk.
The bells were ringing, they were going up the summery hill in their Sunday clothes. Anna was very fine in a silk frock of brown and white stripes, tight along the arms and the body, bunched up very elegantly behind the skirt. There was something of the cavalier about Will Brangwen, and he was well dressed.
He walked along with the sprig of currant-blossom dangling between his fingers, and none of them spoke. The sun shone brightly on little showers of buttercup down the bank, in the fields the fool’s-parsley was foamy119, held very high and proud above a number of flowers that flitted in the greenish twilight120 of the mowing-grass below.
They reached the church. Fred led the way to the pew, followed by the cousin, then Anna. She felt very conspicuous and important. Somehow, this young man gave her away to other people. He stood aside and let her pass to her place, then sat next to her. It was a curious sensation, to sit next to him.
The colour came streaming from the painted window above her. It lit on the dark wood of the pew, on the stone, worn aisle121, on the pillar behind her cousin, and on her cousin’s hands, as they lay on his knees. She sat amid illumination, illumination and luminous122 shadow all around her, her soul very bright. She sat, without knowing it, conscious of the hands and motionless knees of her cousin. Something strange had entered into her world, something entirely strange and unlike what she knew.
She was curiously elated. She sat in a glowing world of unreality, very delightful123. A brooding light, like laughter, was in her eyes. She was aware of a strange influence entering in to her, which she enjoyed. It was a dark enrichening influence she had not known before. She did not think of her cousin. But she was startled when his hands moved.
She wished he would not say the responses so plainly. It diverted her from her vague enjoyment124. Why would he obtrude125, and draw notice to himself? It was bad taste. But she went on all right till the hymn126 came. He stood up beside her to sing, and that pleased her. Then suddenly, at the very first word, his voice came strong and over-riding, filling the church. He was singing the tenor127. Her soul opened in amazement128. His voice filled the church! It rang out like a trumpet129, and rang out again. She started to giggle130 over her hymn-book. But he went on, perfectly131 steady. Up and down rang his voice, going its own way. She was helplessly shocked into laughter. Between moments of dead silence in herself she shook with laughter. On came the laughter, seized her and shook her till the tears were in her eyes. She was amazed, and rather enjoyed it. And still the hymn rolled on, and still she laughed. She bent over her hymn-book crimson132 with confusion, but still her sides shook with laughter. She pretended to cough, she pretended to have a crumb134 in her throat. Fred was gazing up at her with clear blue eyes. She was recovering herself. And then a slur135 in the strong, blind voice at her side brought it all on again, in a gust136 of mad laughter.
She bent down to prayer in cold reproof137 of herself. And yet, as she knelt, little eddies138 of giggling139 went over her. The very sight of his knees on the praying cushion sent the little shock of laughter over her.
She gathered herself together and sat with prim140, pure face, white and pink and cold as a christmas rose, her hands in her silk gloves folded on her lap, her dark eyes all vague, abstracted in a sort of dream, oblivious141 of everything.
The sermon rolled on vaguely142, in a tide of pregnant peace.
Her cousin took out his pocket-handkerchief. He seemed to be drifted absorbed into the sermon. He put his handkerchief to his face. Then something dropped on to his knee. There lay the bit of flowering currant! He was looking down at it in real astonishment143. A wild snort of laughter came from Anna. Everybody heard: it was torture. He had shut the crumpled flower in his hand and was looking up again with the same absorbed attention to the sermon. Another snort of laughter from Anna. Fred nudged her remindingly.
Her cousin sat motionless. Somehow he was aware that his face was red. She could feel him. His hand, closed over the flower, remained quite still, pretending to be normal. Another wild struggle in Anna’s breast, and the snort of laughter. She bent forward shaking with laughter. It was now no joke. Fred was nudge-nudging at her. She nudged him back fiercely. Then another vicious spasm144 of laughter seized her. She tried to ward6 it off in a little cough. The cough ended in a suppressed whoop145. She wanted to die. And the closed hand crept away to the pocket. Whilst she sat in taut146 suspense147, the laughter rushed back at her, knowing he was fumbling148 in his pocket to shove the flower away.
In the end, she felt weak, exhausted149 and thoroughly150 depressed151. A blankness of wincing152 depression came over her. She hated the presence of the other people. Her face became quite haughty153. She was unaware of her cousin any more.
When the collection arrived with the last hynm, her cousin was again singing resoundingly. And still it amused her. In spite of the shameful155 exhibition she had made of herself, it amused her still. She listened to it in a spell of amusement. And the bag was thrust in front of her, and her sixpence was mingled in the folds of her glove. In her haste to get it out, it flipped156 away and went twinkling in the next pew. She stood and giggled157. She could not help it: she laughed outright158, a figure of shame.
“What were you laughing about, our Anna?” asked Fred, the moment they were out of the church.
“Oh, I couldn’t help it,” she said, in her careless, half-mocking fashion. “I don’t know why Cousin Will’s singing set me off.”
“What was there in my singing to make you laugh?” he asked.
“It was so loud,” she said.
They did not look at each other, but they both laughed again, both reddening.
“What were you snorting and laughing for, our Anna?” asked Tom, the elder brother, at the dinner table, his hazel eyes bright with joy. “Everybody stopped to look at you.” Tom was in the choir160.
She was aware of Will’s eyes shining steadily upon her, waiting for her to speak.
“It was Cousin Will’s singing,” she said.
At which her cousin burst into a suppressed, chuckling161 laugh, suddenly showing all his small, regular, rather sharp teeth, and just as quickly closing his mouth again.
“Has he got such a remarkable162 voice on him then?” asked Brangwen.
“No, it’s not that,” said Anna. “Only it tickled163 me-I couldn’t tell you why.”
And again a ripple164 of laughter went down the table.
Will Brangwen thrust forward his dark face, his eyes dancing, and said:
“I’m in the choir of St. Nicholas.”
“Oh, you go to church then!” said Brangwen.
“Mother does-father doesn’t,” replied the youth.
It was the little things, his movement, the funny tones of his voice, that showed up big to Anna. The matter-of-fact things he said were absurd in contrast. The things her father said seemed meaningless and neutral.
During the afternoon they sat in the parlour, that smelled of geranium, and they ate cherries, and talked. Will Brangwen was called on to give himself forth165. And soon he was drawn166 out.
He was interested in churches, in church architecture. The influence of Ruskin had stimulated167 him to a pleasure in the medieval forms. His talk was fragmentary, he was only half articulate. But listening to him, as he spoke of church after church, of nave168 and chancel and transept, of rood-screen and font, of hatchet-carving169 and moulding and tracery, speaking always with close passion of particular things, particular places, there gathered in her heart a pregnant hush170 of churches, a mystery, a ponderous171 significance of bowed stone, a dim-coloured light through which something took place obscurely, passing into darkness: a high, delighted framework of the mystic screen, and beyond, in the furthest beyond, the altar. It was a very real experience. She was carried away. And the land seemed to be covered with a vast, mystic church, reserved in gloom, thrilled with an unknown Presence.
Almost it hurt her, to look out of the window and see the lilacs towering in the vivid sunshine. Or was this the jewelled glass?
He talked of Gothic and Renaissance172 and Perpendicular173, and Early English and Norman. The words thrilled her.
“Have you been to Southwell?” he said. “I was there at twelve o’clock at midday, eating my lunch in the churchyard. And the bells played a hymn.
“Ay, it’s a fine Minster, Southwell, heavy. It’s got heavy, round arches, rather low, on thick pillars. It’s grand, the way those arches travel forward.
“There’s a sedilia as well-pretty. But I like the main body of the church-and that north porch —”
He was very much excited and filled with himself that afternoon. A flame kindled174 round him, making his experience passionate88 and glowing, burningly real.
His uncle listened with twinkling eyes, half-moved. His aunt bent forward her dark face, half-moved, but held by other knowledge. Anna went with him.
He returned to his lodging175 at night treading quick, his eyes glittering, and his face shining darkly as if he came from some passionate, vital tryst176.
The glow remained in him, the fire burned, his heart was fierce like a sun. He enjoyed his unknown life and his own self. And he was ready to go back to the Marsh.
Without knowing it, Anna was wanting him to come. In him she had escaped. In him the bounds of her experience were transgressed177: he was the hole in the wall, beyond which the sunshine blazed on an outside world.
He came. Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, talking again, there recurred178 the strange, remote reality which carried everything before it. Sometimes, he talked of his father, whom he hated with a hatred that was burningly close to love, of his mother, whom he loved, with a love that was keenly close to hatred, or to revolt. His sentences were clumsy, he was only half articulate. But he had the wonderful voice, that could ring its vibration179 through the girl’s soul, transport her into his feeling. Sometimes his voice was hot and declamatory, sometimes it had a strange, twanging, almost cat-like sound, sometimes it hesitated, puzzled, sometimes there was the break of a little laugh. Anna was taken by him. She loved the running flame that coursed through her as she listened to him. And his mother and his father became to her two separate people in her life.
For some weeks the youth came frequently, and was received gladly by them all. He sat amongst them, his dark face glowing, an eagerness and a touch of derisiveness180 on his wide mouth, something grinning and twisted, his eyes always shining like a bird’s, utterly181 without depth. There was no getting hold of the fellow, Brangwen irritably182 thought. He was like a grinning young tom-cat, that came when he thought he would, and without cognisance of the other person.
At first the youth had looked towards Tom Brangwen when he talked; and then he looked towards his aunt, for her appreciation183, valuing it more than his uncle’s; and then he turned to Anna, because from her he got what he wanted, which was not in the elder people.
So that the two young people, from being always attendant on the elder, began to draw apart and establish a separate kingdom. Sometimes Tom Brangwen was irritated. His nephew irritated him. The lad seemed to him too special, self-contained. His nature was fierce enough, but too much abstracted, like a separate thing, like a cat’s nature. A cat could lie perfectly peacefully on the hearthrug whilst its master or mistress writhed184 in agony a yard away. It had nothing to do with other people’s affairs. What did the lad really care about anything, save his own instinctive185 affairs?
Brangwen was irritated. Nevertheless he liked and respected his nephew. Mrs. Brangwen was irritated by Anna, who was suddenly changed, under the influence of the youth. The mother liked the boy: he was not quite an outsider. But she did not like her daughter to be so much under the spell.
So that gradually the two young people drew apart, escaped from the elders, to create a new thing by themselves. He worked in the garden to propitiate186 his uncle. He talked churches to propitiate his aunt. He followed Anna like a shadow: like a long, persistent187, unswerving black shadow he went after the girl. It irritated Brangwen exceedingly. It exasperated188 him beyond bearing, to see the lit-up grin, the cat-grin as he called it, on his nephew’s face.
And Anna had a new reserve, a new independence. Suddenly she began to act independently of her parents, to live beyond them. Her mother had flashes of anger.
But the courtship went on. Anna would find occasion to go shopping in Ilkeston at evening. She always returned with her cousin; he walking with his head over her shoulder, a little bit behind her, like the Devil looking over Lincoln, as Brangwen noted189 angrily and yet with satisfaction.
To his own wonder, Will Brangwen found himself in an electric state of passion. To his wonder, he had stopped her at the gate as they came home from Ilkeston one night, and had kissed her, blocking her way and kissing her whilst he felt as if some blow were struck at him in the dark. And when they went indoors, he was acutely angry that her parents looked up scrutinisingly at him and her. What right had they there: why should they look up! Let them remove themselves, or look elsewhere.
And the youth went home with the stars in heaven whirling fiercely about the blackness of his head, and his heart fierce, insistent190, but fierce as if he felt something baulking him. He wanted to smash through something.
A spell was cast over her. And how uneasy her parents were, as she went about the house unnoticing, not noticing them, moving in a spell as if she were invisible to them. She was invisible to them. It made them angry. Yet they had to submit. She went about absorbed, obscured for a while.
Over him too the darkness of obscurity settled. He seemed to be hidden in a tense, electric darkness, in which his soul, his life was intensely active, but without his aid or attention. His mind was obscured. He worked swiftly and mechanically, and he produced some beautiful things.
His favourite work was wood-carving. The first thing he made for her was a butter-stamper. In it he carved a mythological191 bird, a phoenix192, something like an eagle, rising on symmetrical wings, from a circle of very beautiful flickering193 flames that rose upwards194 from the rim133 of the cup.
Anna thought nothing of the gift on the evening when he gave it to her. In the morning, however, when the butter was made, she fetched his seal in place of the old wooden stamper of oak-leaves and acorns195. She was curiously excited to see how it would turn out. Strange, the uncouth bird moulded there, in the cup-like hollow, with curious, thick waverings running inwards from a smooth rim. She pressed another mould. Strange, to lift the stamp and see that eagle-beaked bird raising its breast to her. She loved creating it over and over again. And every time she looked, it seemed a new thing come to life. Every piece of butter became this strange, vital emblem196.
She showed it to her mother and father.
“That is beautiful,” said her mother, a little light coming on to her face.
“Beautiful!” exclaimed the father, puzzled, fretted197. “Why, what sort of a bird does he call it?”
And this was the question put by the customers during the next weeks.
“What sort of a bird do you call that, as you’ve got on th’ butter?”
When he came in the evening, she took him into the dairy to show him.
“Do you like it?” he asked, in his loud, vibrating voice that always sounded strange, re-echoing in the dark places of her being.
They very rarely touched each other. They liked to be alone together, near to each other, but there was still a distance between them.
In the cool dairy the candle-light lit on the large, white surfaces of the cream pans. He turned his head sharply. It was so cool and remote in there, so remote. His mouth was open in a little, strained laugh. She stood with her head bent, turned aside. He wanted to go near to her. He had kissed her once. Again his eye rested on the round blocks of butter, where the emblematic198 bird lifted its breast from the shadow cast by the candle flame. What was restraining him? Her breast was near him; his head lifted like an eagle’s. She did not move. Suddenly, with an incredibly quick, delicate movement, he put his arms round her and drew her to him. It was quick, cleanly done, like a bird that swoops199 and sinks close, closer.
He was kissing her throat. She turned and looked at him. Her eyes were dark and flowing with fire. His eyes were hard and bright with a fierce purpose and gladness, like a hawk’s. She felt him flying into the dark space of her flames, like a brand, like a gleaming hawk.
They had looked at each other, and seen each other strange, yet near, very near, like a hawk stooping, swooping200, dropping into a flame of darkness. So she took the candle and they went back to the kitchen.
They went on in this way for some time, always coming together, but rarely touching201, very seldom did they kiss. And then, often, it was merely a touch of the lips, a sign. But her eyes began to waken with a constant fire, she paused often in the midst of her transit203, as if to recollect204 something, or to discover something.
And his face became sombre, intent, he did not really hear what was said to him.
One evening in August he came when it was raining. He came in with his jacket collar turned up, his jacket buttoned close, his face wet. And he looked so slim and definite, coming out of the chill rain, she was suddenly blinded with love for him. Yet he sat and talked with her father and mother, meaninglessly, whilst her blood seethed205 to anguish206 in her. She wanted to touch him now, only to touch him.
There was the queer, abstract look on her silvery radiant face that maddened her father, her dark eyes were hidden. But she raised them to the youth. And they were dark with a flare207 that made him quail208 for a moment.
She went into the second kitchen and took a lantern. Her father watched her as she returned.
“Come with me, Will,” she said to her cousin. “I want to see if I put the brick over where that rat comes in.”
“You’ve no need to do that,” retorted her father. She took no notice. The youth was between the two wills. The colour mounted into the father’s face, his blue eyes stared. The girl stood near the door, her head held slightly back, like an indication that the youth must come. He rose, in his silent, intent way, and was gone with her. The blood swelled209 in Brangwen’s forehead veins.
It was raining. The light of the lantern flashed on the cobbled path and the bottom of the wall. She came to a small ladder, and climbed up. He reached her the lantern, and followed. Up there in the fowl-loft52, the birds sat in fat bunches on the perches210, the red combs shining like fire. Bright, sharp eyes opened. There was a sharp crawk of expostulation as one of the hens shifted over. The cock sat watching, his yellow neck-feathers bright as glass. Anna went across the dirty floor. Brangwen crouched212 in the loft watching. The light was soft under the red, naked tiles. The girl crouched in a corner. There was another explosive bustle213 of a hen springing from her perch211.
Anna came back, stooping under the perches. He was waiting for her near the door. Suddenly she had her arms round him, was clinging close to him, cleaving214 her body against his, and crying, in a whispering, whimpering sound.
“Will, I love you, I love you, Will, I love you.” It sounded as if it were tearing her.
He was not even very much surprised. He held her in his arms, and his bones melted. He leaned back against the wall. The door of the loft was open. Outside, the rain slanted215 by in fine, steely, mysterious haste, emerging out of the gulf216 of darkness. He held her in his arms, and he and she together seemed to be swinging in big, swooping oscillations, the two of them clasped together up in the darkness. Outside the open door of the loft in which they stood, beyond them and below them, was darkness, with a travelling veil of rain.
“I love you, Will, I love you,” she moaned, “I love you, Will.”
He held her as thought they were one, and was silent.
In the house, Tom Brangwen waited a while. Then he got up and went out. He went down the yard. He saw the curious misty217 shaft218 coming from the loft door. He scarcely knew it was the light in the rain. He went on till the illumination fell on him dimly. Then looking up, through the blurr, he saw the youth and the girl together, the youth with his back against the wall, his head sunk over the head of the girl. The elder man saw them, blurred219 through the rain, but lit up. They thought themselves so buried in the night. He even saw the lighted dryness of the loft behind, and shadows and bunches of roosting fowls220, up in the night, strange shadows cast from the lantern on the floor.
And a black gloom of anger, and a tenderness of self-effacement, fought in his heart. She did not understand what she was doing. She betrayed herself. She was a child, a mere202 child. She did not know how much of herself she was squandering221. And he was blackly and furiously miserable222. Was he then an old man, that he should be giving her away in marriage? Was he old? He was not old. He was younger than that young thoughtless fellow in whose arms she lay. Who knew her-he or that blind-headed youth? To whom did she belong, if not to himself?
He thought again of the child he had carried out at night into the barn, whilst his wife was in labour with the young Tom. He remembered the soft, warm weight of the little girl on his arm, round his neck. Now she would say he was finished. She was going away, to deny him, to leave an unendurable emptiness in him, a void that he could not bear. Almost he hated her. How dared she say he was old. He walked on in the rain, sweating with pain, with the horror of being old, with the agony of having to relinquish223 what was life to him.
Will Brangwen went home without having seen his uncle. He held his hot face to the rain, and walked on in a trance. “I love you, Will, I love you.” The words repeated themselves endlessly. The veils had ripped and issued him naked into the endless space, and he shuddered224. The walls had thrust him out and given him a vast space to walk in. Whither, through this darkness of infinite space, was he walking blindly? Where, at the end of all the darkness, was God the Almighty225 still darkly, seated, thrusting him on? “I love you, Will, I love you.” He trembled with fear as the words beat in his heart again. And he dared not think of her face, of her eyes which shone, and of her strange, transfigured face. The hand of the Hidden Almighty, burning bright, had thrust out of the darkness and gripped him. He went on subject and in fear, his heart gripped and burning from the touch.
The days went by, they ran on dark-padded feet in silence. He went to see Anna, but again there had come a reserve between them. Tom Brangwen was gloomy, his blue eyes sombre. Anna was strange and delivered up. Her face in its delicate colouring was mute, touched dumb and poignant226. The mother bowed her head and moved in her own dark world, that was pregnant again with fulfilment.
Will Brangwen worked at his wood-carving. It was a passion, a passion for him to have the chisel227 under his grip. Verily the passion of his heart lifted the fine bite of steel. He was carving, as he had always wanted, the Creation of Eve. It was a panel in low relief, for a church. Adam lay asleep as if suffering, and God, a dim, large figure, stooped towards him, stretching forward His unveiled hand; and Eve, a small vivid, naked female shape, was issuing like a flame towards the hand of God, from the torn side of Adam.
Now, Will Brangwen was working at the Eve. She was thin, a keen, unripe228 thing. With trembling passion, fine as a breath of air, he sent the chisel over her belly229, her hard, unripe, small belly. She was a stiff little figure, with sharp lines, in the throes and torture and ecstasy230 of her creation. But he trembled as he touched her. He had not finished any of his figures. There was a bird on a bough231 overhead, lifting its wings for flight, and a serpent wreathing up to it. It was not finished yet. He trembled with passion, at last able to create the new, sharp body of his Eve.
At the sides, at the far sides, at either end, were two Angels covering their faces with their wings. They were like trees. As he went to the Marsh, in the twilight, he felt that the Angels, with covered faces, were standing232 back as he went by. The darkness was of their shadows and the covering of their faces. When he went through the Canal bridge, the evening glowed in its last deep colours, the sky was dark blue, the stars glittered from afar, very remote and approaching above the darkening cluster of the farm, above the paths of crystal along the edge of the heavens.
She waited for him like the glow of light, and as if his face were covered. And he dared not lift his face to look at her.
Corn harvest came on. One evening they walked out through the farm buildings at nightfall. A large gold moon hung heavily to the grey horizon, trees hovered233 tall, standing back in the dusk, waiting. Anna and the young man went on noiselessly by the hedge, along where the farm-carts had made dark ruts in the grass. They came through a gate into a wide open field where still much light seemed to spread against their faces. In the under-shadow the sheaves lay on the ground where the reapers234 had left them, many sheaves like bodies prostrate235 in shadowy bulk; others were riding hazily236 in shocks, like ships in the haze159 of moonlight and of dusk, farther off.
They did not want to turn back, yet whither were they to go, towards the moon? For they were separate, single.
“We will put up some sheaves,” said Anna. So they could remain there in the broad, open place.
They went across the stubble to where the long rows of upreared shocks ended. Curiously populous237 that part of the field looked, where the shocks rode erect238; the rest was open and prostrate.
The air was all hoary239 silver. She looked around her. Trees stood vaguely at their distance, as if waiting like heralds240, for the signal to approach. In this space of vague crystal her heart seemed like a bell ringing. She was afraid lest the sound should be heard.
“You take this row,” she said to the youth, and passing on, she stooped in the next row of lying sheaves, grasping her hands in the tresses of the oats, lifting the heavy corn in either hand, carrying it, as it hung heavily against her, to the cleared space, where she set the two sheaves sharply down, bringing them together with a faint, keen clash. Her two bulks stood leaning together. He was coming, walking shadowily with the gossamer241 dusk, carrying his two sheaves. She waited near-by. He set his sheaves with a keen, faint clash, next to her sheaves. They rode unsteadily. He tangled242 the tresses of corn. It hissed244 like a fountain. He looked up and laughed.
Then she turned away towards the moon, which seemed glowingly to uncover her bosom245 every time she faced it. He went to the vague emptiness of the field opposite, dutifully.
They stooped, grasped the wet, soft hair of the corn, lifted the heavy bundles, and returned. She was always first. She set down her sheaves, making a pent-house with those others. He was coming shadowy across the stubble, carrying his bundles, She turned away, hearing only the sharp hiss243 of his mingling246 corn. She walked between the moon and his shadowy figure.
She took her two new sheaves and walked towards him, as he rose from stooping over the earth. He was coming out of the near distance. She set down her sheaves to make a new stook. They were unsure. Her hands fluttered. Yet she broke away, and turned to the moon, which laid bare her bosom, so she felt as if her bosom were heaving and panting with moonlight. And he had to put up her two sheaves, which had fallen down. He worked in silence. The rhythm of the work carried him away again, as she was coming near.
They worked together, coming and going, in a rhythm, which carried their feet and their bodies in tune247. She stooped, she lifted the burden of sheaves, she turned her face to the dimness where he was, and went with her burden over the stubble. She hesitated, set down her sheaves, there was a swish and hiss of mingling oats, he was drawing near, and she must turn again. And there was the flaring248 moon laying bare her bosom again, making her drift and ebb249 like a wave.
He worked steadily, engrossed250, threading backwards251 and forwards like a shuttle across the strip of cleared stubble, weaving the long line of riding shocks, nearer and nearer to the shadowy trees, threading his sheaves with hers.
And always, she was gone before he came. As he came, she drew away, as he drew away, she came. Were they never to meet? Gradually a low, deep-sounding will in him vibrated to her, tried to set her in accord, tried to bring her gradually to him, to a meeting, till they should be together, till they should meet as the sheaves that swished together.
And the work went on. The moon grew brighter, clearer, the corn glistened252. He bent over the prostrate bundles, there was a hiss as the sheaves left the ground, a trailing of heavy bodies against him, a dazzle of moonlight on his eyes. And then he was setting the corn together at the stook. And she was coming near.
He waited for her, he fumbled254 at the stook. She came. But she stood back till he drew away. He saw her in shadow, a dark column, and spoke to her, and she answered. She saw the moonlight flash question on his face. But there was a space between them, and he went away, the work carried them, rhythmic255.
Why was there always a space between them, why were they apart? Why, as she came up from under the moon, would she halt and stand off from him? Why was he held away from her? His will drummed persistently256, darkly, it drowned everything else.
Into the rhythm of his work there came a pulse and a steadied purpose. He stooped, he lifted the weight, he heaved it towards her, setting it as in her, under the moonlit space. And he went back for more. Ever with increasing closeness he lifted the sheaves and swung striding to the centre with them, ever he drove her more nearly to the meeting, ever he did his share, and drew towards her, overtaking her. There was only the moving to and fro in the moonlight, engrossed, the swinging in the silence, that was marked only by the splash of sheaves, and silence, and a splash of sheaves. And ever the splash of his sheaves broke swifter, beating up to hers, and ever the splash of her sheaves recurred monotonously257, unchanging, and ever the splash of his sheaves beat nearer.
Till at last, they met at the shock, facing each other, sheaves in hand. And he was silvery with moonlight, with a moonlit, shadowy face that frightened her. She waited for him.
“Put yours down,” she said.
“No, it’s your turn.” His voice was twanging and insistent.
She set her sheaves against the shock. He saw her hands glisten253 among the spray of grain. And he dropped his sheaves and he trembled as he took her in his arms. He had over-taken her, and it was his privilege to kiss her. She was sweet and fresh with the night air, and sweet with the scent258 of grain. And the whole rhythm of him beat into his kisses, and still he pursued her, in his kisses, and still she was not quite overcome. He wondered over the moonlight on her nose! All the moonlight upon her, all the darkness within her! All the night in his arms, darkness and shine, he possessed of it all! All the night for him now, to unfold, to venture within, all the mystery to be entered, all the discovery to be made.
Trembling with keen triumph, his heart was white as a star as he drove his kisses nearer.
“My love!” she called, in a low voice, from afar. The low sound seemed to call to him from far off, under the moon, to him who was unaware. He stopped, quivered, and listened.
“My love,” came again the low, plaintive259 call, like a bird unseen in the night.
He was afraid. His heart quivered and broke. He was stopped.
“Anna,” he said, as if he answered her from a distance, unsure.
“My love.”
And he drew near, and she drew near.
“Anna,” he said, in wonder and the birthpain of love.
“My love,” she said, her voice growing rapturous. And they kissed on the mouth, in rapture260 and surprise, long, real kisses. The kiss lasted, there among the moonlight. He kissed her again, and she kissed him. And again they were kissing together. Till something happened in him, he was strange. He wanted her. He wanted her exceedingly. She was something new. They stood there folded, suspended in the night. And his whole being quivered with surprise, as from a blow. He wanted her, and he wanted to tell her so. But the shock was too great to him. He had never realised before. He trembled with irritation261 and unusedness, he did not know what to do. He held her more gently, gently, much more gently. The conflict was gone by. And he was glad, and breathless, and almost in tears. But he knew he wanted her. Something fixed262 in him for ever. He was hers. And he was very glad and afraid. He did not know what to do, as they stood there in the open, moonlit field. He looked through her hair at the moon, which seemed to swim liquid-bright.
She sighed, and seemed to wake up, then she kissed him again. Then she loosened herself away from him and took his hand. It hurt him when she drew away from his breast. It hurt him with a chagrin263. Why did she draw away from him? But she held his hand.
“I want to go home,” she said, looking at him in a way he could not understand.
He held close to her hand. He was dazed and he could not move, he did not know how to move. She drew him away.
He walked helplessly beside her, holding her hand. She went with bent head. Suddenly he said, as the simple solution stated itself to him:
“We’ll get married, Anna.”
She was silent.
“We’ll get married, Anna, shall we?”
She stopped in the field again and kissed him, clinging to him passionately, in a way he could not understand. He could not understand. But he left it all now, to marriage. That was the solution now, fixed ahead. He wanted her, he wanted to be married to her, he wanted to have her altogether, as his own for ever. And he waited, intent, for the accomplishment264. But there was all the while a slight tension of irritation.
He spoke to his uncle and aunt that night.
“Uncle,” he said, “Anna and me think of getting married.”
“Oh ay!” said Brangwen.
“But how, you have no money?” said the mother.
The youth went pale. He hated these words. But he was like a gleaming, bright pebble265, something bright and inalterable. He did not think. He sat there in his hard brightness, and did not speak.
“Have you mentioned it to your own mother?” asked Brangwen.
“No-I’ll tell her on Saturday.”
“You’ll go and see her?”
“Yes.”
There was a long pause.
“And what are you going to marry on-your pound a week?”
Again the youth went pale, as if the spirit were being injured in him.
“I don’t know,” he said, looking at his uncle with his bright inhuman266 eyes, like a hawk’s.
Brangwen stirred in hatred.
“It needs knowing,” he said.
“I shall have the money later on,” said the nephew. “I will raise some now, and pay it back then.”
“Oh ay!-And why this desperate hurry? She’s a child of eighteen, and you’re a boy of twenty. You’re neither of you of age to do as you like yet.”
Will Brangwen ducked his head and looked at his uncle with swift, mistrustful eyes, like a caged hawk.
“What does it matter how old she is, and how old I am?” he said. “What’s the difference between me now and when I’m thirty?”
“A big difference, let us hope.”
“But you have no experience-you have no experience, and no money. Why do you want to marry, without experience or money?” asked the aunt.
“What experience do I want, Aunt?” asked the boy.
And if Brangwen’s heart had not been hard and intact with anger, like a precious stone, he would have agreed.
Will Brangwen went home strange and untouched. He felt he could not alter from what he was fixed upon, his will was set. To alter it he must be destroyed. And he would not be destroyed. He had no money. But he would get some from somewhere, it did not matter. He lay awake for many hours, hard and clear and unthinking, his soul crystallising more inalterably. Then he went fast asleep.
It was as if his soul had turned into a hard crystal. He might tremble and quiver and suffer, it did not alter.
The next morning Tom Brangwen, inhuman with anger spoke to Anna.
“What’s this about wanting to get married?” he said.
She stood, paling a little, her dark eyes springing to the hostile, startled look of a savage thing that will defend itself, but trembles with sensitiveness.
“I do,” she said, out of her unconsciousness.
His anger rose, and he would have liked to break her.
“You do-you do-and what for?” he sneered267 with contempt. The old, childish agony, the blindness that could recognise nobody, the palpitating antagonism268 as of a raw, helpless, undefended thing came back on her.
“I do because I do,” she cried, in the shrill269, hysterical270 way of her childhood. “You are not my father-my father is dead-you are not my father.”
She was still a stranger. She did not recognise him. The cold blade cut down, deep into Brangwen’s soul. It cut him off from her.
“And what if I’m not?” he said.
But he could not bear it. It had been so passionately dear to him, her “Father-Daddie.”
He went about for some days as if stunned271. His wife was bemused. She did not understand. She only thought the marriage was impeded272 for want of money and position.
There was a horrible silence in the house. Anna kept out of sight as much as possible. She could be for hours alone.
Will Brangwen came back, after stupid scenes at Nottingham. He too was pale and blank, but unchanging. His uncle hated him. He hated this youth, who was so inhuman and obstinate273. Nevertheless, it was to Will Brangwen that the uncle, one evening, handed over the shares which he had transferred to Anna Lensky. They were for two thousand five hundred pounds. Will Brangwen looked at his uncle. It was a great deal of the Marsh capital here given away. The youth, however, was only colder and more fixed. He was abstract, purely274 a fixed will. He gave the shares to Anna.
After which she cried for a whole day, sobbing275 her eyes out. And at night, when she had heard her mother go to bed, she slipped down and hung in the doorway276. Her father sat in his heavy silence, like a monument. He turned his head slowly.
“Daddy,” she cried from the doorway, and she ran to him sobbing as if her heart would break. “Daddy-daddy-daddy.”
She crouched on the hearthrug with her arms round him and her face against him. His body was so big and comfortable. But something hurt her head intolerably. She sobbed277 almost with hysteria.
He was silent, with his hand on her shoulder. His heart was bleak. He was not her father. That beloved image she had broken. Who was he then? A man put apart with those whose life has no more developments. He was isolated from her. There was a generation between them, he was old, he had died out from hot life. A great deal of ash was in his fire, cold ash. He felt the inevitable coldness, and in bitterness forgot the fire. He sat in his coldness of age and isolation278. He had his own wife. And he blamed himself, he sneered at himself, for this clinging to the young, wanting the young to belong to him.
The child who clung to him wanted her child-husband. As was natural. And from him, Brangwen, she wanted help, so that her life might be properly fitted out. But love she did not want. Why should there be love between them, between the stout, middle-aged279 man and this child? How could there be anything between them, but mere human willingness to help each other? He was her guardian280, no more. His heart was like ice, his face cold and expressionless. She could not move him any more than a statue.
She crept to bed, and cried. But she was going to be married to Will Brangwen, and then she need not bother any more. Brangwen went to bed with a hard, cold heart, and cursed himself. He looked at his wife. She was still his wife. Her dark hair was threaded with grey, her face was beautiful in its gathering281 age. She was just fifty. How poignantly282 he saw her! And he wanted to cut out some of his own heart, which was incontinent, and demanded still to share the rapid life of youth. How he hated himself.
His wife was so poignant and timely. She was still young and naive283, with some girl’s freshness. But she did not want any more the fight, the battle, the control, as he, in his incontinence, still did. She was so natural, and he was ugly, unnatural284, in his inability to yield place. How hideous285, this greedy middle-age, which must stand in the way of life, like a large demon286.
What was missing in his life, that, in his ravening287 soul, he was not satisfied? He had had that friend at school, his mother, his wife, and Anna? What had he done? He had failed with his friend, he had been a poor son; but he had known satifaction with his wife, let it be enough; he loathed288 himself for the state he was in over Anna. Yet he was not satisfied. It was agony to know it.
Was his life nothing? Had he nothing to show, no work? He did not count his work, anybody could have done it. What had he known, but the long, marital289 embrace with his wife! Curious, that this was what his life amounted to! At any rate, it was something, it was eternal. He would say so to anybody, and be proud of it. He lay with his wife in his arms, and she was still his fulfilment, just the same as ever. And that was the be-all and the end-all. Yes, and he was proud of it.
But the bitterness, underneath290, that there still remained an unsatisfied Tom Brangwen, who suffered agony because a girl cared nothing for him. He loved his sons-he had them also. But it was the further, the creative life with the girl, he wanted as well. Oh, and he was ashamed. He trampled291 himself to extinguish himself.
What weariness! There was no peace, however old one grew! One was never right, never decent, never master of oneself. It was as if his hope had been in the girl.
Anna quickly lapsed again into her love for the youth. Will Brangwen had fixed his marriage for the Saturday before Christmas. And he waited for her, in his bright, unquestioning fashion, until then. He wanted her, she was his, he suspended his being till the day should come. The wedding day, December the twenty-third, had come into being for him as an absolute thing. He lived in it.
He did not count the days. But like a man who journeys in a ship, he was suspended till the coming to port.
He worked at his carving, he worked in his office, he came to see her; all was but a form of waiting, without thought or question.
She was much more alive. She wanted to enjoy courtship. He seemed to come and go like the wind, without asking why or whither. But she wanted to enjoy his presence. For her, he was the kernel292 of life, to touch him alone was bliss293. But for him, she was the essence of life. She existed as much when he was at his carving in his lodging in Ilkeston, as when she sat looking at him in the Marsh kitchen. In himself, he knew her. But his outward faculties294 seemed suspended. He did not see her with his eyes, nor hear her with his voice.
And yet he trembled, sometimes into a kind of swoon, holding her in his arms. They would stand sometimes folded together in the barn, in silence. Then to her, as she felt his young, tense figure with her hands, the bliss was intolerable, intolerable the sense that she possessed him. For his body was so keen and wonderful, it was the only reality in her world. In her world, there was this one tense, vivid body of a man, and then many other shadowy men, all unreal. In him, she touched the centre of reality. And they were together, he and she, at the heart of the secret. How she clutched him to her, his body the central body of all life. Out of the rock of his form the very fountain of life flowed.
But to him, she was a flame that consumed him. The flame flowed up his limbs, flowed through him, till he was consumed, till he existed only as an unconscious, dark transit of flame, deriving295 from her.
Sometimes, in the darkness, a cow coughed. There was, in the darkness, a slow sound of cud chewing. And it all seemed to flow round them and upon them as the hot blood flows through the womb, laving the unborn young.
Sometimes, when it was cold, they stood to be lovers in the stables, where the air was warm and sharp with ammonia. And during these dark vigils, he learned to know her, her body against his, they drew nearer and nearer together, the kisses came more subtly close and fitting. So when in the thick darkness a horse suddenly scrambled296 to its feet, with a dull, thunderous sound, they listened as one person listening, they knew as one person, they were conscious of the horse.
Tom Brangwen had taken them a cottage at Cossethay, on a twenty-one years’ lease. Will Brangwen’s eyes lit up as he saw it. It was the cottage next the church, with dark yewtrees, very black old trees, along the side of the house and the grassy298 front garden; a red, squarish cottage with a low slate70 roof, and low windows. It had a long dairy-scullery, a big flagged kitchen, and a low parlour, that went up one step from the kitchen. There were whitewashed299 beams across the ceilings, and odd corners with cupboards. Looking out through the windows, there was the grassy garden, the procession of black yew297 trees down one side, and along the other sides, a red wall with ivy300 separating the place from the high-road and the churchyard. The old, little church, with its small spire301 on a square tower, seemed to be looking back at the cottage windows.
“There’ll be no need to have a clock,” said Will Brangwen, peeping out at the white clock-face on the tower, his neighbour.
At the back of the house was a garden adjoining the paddock, a cowshed with standing for two cows, pig-cotes and fowl-houses. Will Brangwen was very happy. Anna was glad to think of being mistress of her own place.
Tom Brangwen was now the fairy godfather. He was never happy unless he was buying something. Will Brangwen, with his interest in all wood-work, was getting the furniture. He was left to buy tables and round-staved chairs and the dressers, quite ordinary stuff, but such as was identified with his cottage.
Tom Brangwen, with more particular thought, spied out what he called handy little things for her. He appeared with a set of new-fangled cooking-pans, with a special sort of hanging lamp, though the rooms were so low, with canny302 little machines for grinding meat or mashing303 potatoes or whisking eggs.
Anna took a sharp interest in what he bought, though she was not always pleased. Some of the little contrivances, which he thought so canny, left her doubtful. Nevertheless she was always expectant, on market days there was always a long thrill of anticipation304. He arrived with the first darkness, the copper305 lamps of his cart glowing. And she ran to the gate, as he, a dark, burly figure up in the cart, was bending over his parcels.
“It’s cupboard love as brings you out so sharp,” he said, his voice resounding154 in the cold darkness. Nevertheless he was excited. And she, taking one of the cart lamps, poked306 and peered among the jumble307 of things he had brought, pushing aside the oil or implements308 he had got for himself.
She dragged out a pair of small, strong bellows309, registered them in her mind, and then pulled uncertainly at something else. It had a long handle, and a piece of brown paper round the middle of it, like a waistcoat.
“What’s this?” she said, poking310.
He stopped to look at her. She went to the lamp-light by the horse, and stood there bent over the new thing, while her hair was like bronze, her apron311 white and cheerful. Her fingers plucked busily at the paper. She dragged forth a little wringer, with clean indiarubber rollers. She examined it critically, not knowing quite how it worked.
She looked up at him. He stood a shadowy presence beyond the light.
“How does it go?” she asked.
“Why, it’s for pulpin’ turnips,” he replied.
She looked at him. His voice disturbed her.
“Don’t be silly. It’s a little mangle,” she said. “How do you stand it, though?”
“You screw it on th’ side o’ your wash-tub.” He came and held it out to her.
“Oh, yes!” she cried, with one of her little skipping movements, which still came when she was suddenly glad.
And without another thought she ran off into the house, leaving him to untackle the horse. And when he came into the scullery, he found her there, with the little wringer fixed on the dolly-tub, turning blissfully at the handle, and Tilly beside her, exclaiming:
“My word, that’s a natty312 little thing! That’ll save you luggin’ your inside out. That’s the latest contraption, that is.”
And Anna turned away at the handle, with great gusto of possession. Then she let Tilly have a turn.
“It fair runs by itself,” said Tilly, turning on and on. “Your clothes’ll nip out on to th’ line.”
点击收听单词发音
1 flipping | |
讨厌之极的 | |
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2 indifference | |
n.不感兴趣,不关心,冷淡,不在乎 | |
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3 reverence | |
n.敬畏,尊敬,尊严;Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称;v.尊敬,敬畏,崇敬 | |
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4 benevolent | |
adj.仁慈的,乐善好施的 | |
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5 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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6 ward | |
n.守卫,监护,病房,行政区,由监护人或法院保护的人(尤指儿童);vt.守护,躲开 | |
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7 arrogance | |
n.傲慢,自大 | |
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8 pro | |
n.赞成,赞成的意见,赞成者 | |
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9 aloof | |
adj.远离的;冷淡的,漠不关心的 | |
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10 intimacy | |
n.熟悉,亲密,密切关系,亲昵的言行 | |
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11 herd | |
n.兽群,牧群;vt.使集中,把…赶在一起 | |
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12 volatile | |
adj.反复无常的,挥发性的,稍纵即逝的,脾气火爆的;n.挥发性物质 | |
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13 mingled | |
混合,混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 ); 混进,与…交往[联系] | |
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14 affected | |
adj.不自然的,假装的 | |
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15 baron | |
n.男爵;(商业界等)巨头,大王 | |
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16 homage | |
n.尊敬,敬意,崇敬 | |
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17 aristocrat | |
n.贵族,有贵族气派的人,上层人物 | |
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18 fiery | |
adj.燃烧着的,火红的;暴躁的;激烈的 | |
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19 rugged | |
adj.高低不平的,粗糙的,粗壮的,强健的 | |
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20 crumpled | |
adj. 弯扭的, 变皱的 动词crumple的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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21 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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22 rambling | |
adj.[建]凌乱的,杂乱的 | |
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23 desolate | |
adj.荒凉的,荒芜的;孤独的,凄凉的;v.使荒芜,使孤寂 | |
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24 stark | |
adj.荒凉的;严酷的;完全的;adv.完全地 | |
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25 bleak | |
adj.(天气)阴冷的;凄凉的;暗淡的 | |
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26 marsh | |
n.沼泽,湿地 | |
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27 exuberant | |
adj.充满活力的;(植物)繁茂的 | |
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28 knight | |
n.骑士,武士;爵士 | |
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29 watchful | |
adj.注意的,警惕的 | |
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30 spun | |
v.纺,杜撰,急转身 | |
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31 disillusion | |
vt.使不再抱幻想,使理想破灭 | |
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32 galled | |
v.使…擦痛( gall的过去式和过去分词 );擦伤;烦扰;侮辱 | |
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33 seduced | |
诱奸( seduce的过去式和过去分词 ); 勾引; 诱使堕落; 使入迷 | |
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34 billiards | |
n.台球 | |
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35 fret | |
v.(使)烦恼;(使)焦急;(使)腐蚀,(使)磨损 | |
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36 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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37 supreme | |
adj.极度的,最重要的;至高的,最高的 | |
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38 unaware | |
a.不知道的,未意识到的 | |
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39 begrudge | |
vt.吝啬,羡慕 | |
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40 belittle | |
v.轻视,小看,贬低 | |
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41 bully | |
n.恃强欺弱者,小流氓;vt.威胁,欺侮 | |
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42 absolved | |
宣告…无罪,赦免…的罪行,宽恕…的罪行( absolve的过去式和过去分词 ); 不受责难,免除责任 [义务] ,开脱(罪责) | |
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43 slanting | |
倾斜的,歪斜的 | |
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45 hearty | |
adj.热情友好的;衷心的;尽情的,纵情的 | |
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46 lapsed | |
adj.流失的,堕落的v.退步( lapse的过去式和过去分词 );陷入;倒退;丧失 | |
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47 lapse | |
n.过失,流逝,失效,抛弃信仰,间隔;vi.堕落,停止,失效,流逝;vt.使失效 | |
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48 revel | |
vi.狂欢作乐,陶醉;n.作乐,狂欢 | |
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49 insignificant | |
adj.无关紧要的,可忽略的,无意义的 | |
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50 displeased | |
a.不快的 | |
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51 brook | |
n.小河,溪;v.忍受,容让 | |
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52 loft | |
n.阁楼,顶楼 | |
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53 veins | |
n.纹理;矿脉( vein的名词复数 );静脉;叶脉;纹理 | |
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54 boisterousness | |
n.喧闹;欢跃;(风暴)狂烈 | |
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55 boisterous | |
adj.喧闹的,欢闹的 | |
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56 jovially | |
adv.愉快地,高兴地 | |
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57 resentment | |
n.怨愤,忿恨 | |
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58 forestall | |
vt.抢在…之前采取行动;预先阻止 | |
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59 flouted | |
v.藐视,轻视( flout的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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60 isolated | |
adj.与世隔绝的 | |
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61 courteous | |
adj.彬彬有礼的,客气的 | |
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62 imminent | |
adj.即将发生的,临近的,逼近的 | |
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63 immediate | |
adj.立即的;直接的,最接近的;紧靠的 | |
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64 superstitions | |
迷信,迷信行为( superstition的名词复数 ) | |
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65 potent | |
adj.强有力的,有权势的;有效力的 | |
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66 sensuous | |
adj.激发美感的;感官的,感觉上的 | |
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67 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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68 eyebrows | |
眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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69 ecstasies | |
狂喜( ecstasy的名词复数 ); 出神; 入迷; 迷幻药 | |
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70 slate | |
n.板岩,石板,石片,石板色,候选人名单;adj.暗蓝灰色的,含板岩的;vt.用石板覆盖,痛打,提名,预订 | |
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71 discrepancy | |
n.不同;不符;差异;矛盾 | |
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72 touchy | |
adj.易怒的;棘手的 | |
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73 moody | |
adj.心情不稳的,易怒的,喜怒无常的 | |
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74 hatred | |
n.憎恶,憎恨,仇恨 | |
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75 muzzle | |
n.鼻口部;口套;枪(炮)口;vt.使缄默 | |
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76 curiously | |
adv.有求知欲地;好问地;奇特地 | |
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77 insidious | |
adj.阴险的,隐匿的,暗中为害的,(疾病)不知不觉之间加剧 | |
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78 overriding | |
a.最主要的 | |
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79 triumphant | |
adj.胜利的,成功的;狂欢的,喜悦的 | |
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80 belittled | |
使显得微小,轻视,贬低( belittle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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81 intensity | |
n.强烈,剧烈;强度;烈度 | |
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82 inevitable | |
adj.不可避免的,必然发生的 | |
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83 intercourse | |
n.性交;交流,交往,交际 | |
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84 sterile | |
adj.不毛的,不孕的,无菌的,枯燥的,贫瘠的 | |
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85 bristling | |
a.竖立的 | |
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86 ominous | |
adj.不祥的,不吉的,预兆的,预示的 | |
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87 savage | |
adj.野蛮的;凶恶的,残暴的;n.未开化的人 | |
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88 passionate | |
adj.热情的,热烈的,激昂的,易动情的,易怒的,性情暴躁的 | |
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89 passionately | |
ad.热烈地,激烈地 | |
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90 tedium | |
n.单调;烦闷 | |
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91 boredom | |
n.厌烦,厌倦,乏味,无聊 | |
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92 reverted | |
恢复( revert的过去式和过去分词 ); 重提; 回到…上; 归还 | |
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93 bishop | |
n.主教,(国际象棋)象 | |
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94 apprentice | |
n.学徒,徒弟 | |
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95 gratitude | |
adj.感激,感谢 | |
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96 whatsoever | |
adv.(用于否定句中以加强语气)任何;pron.无论什么 | |
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97 esteem | |
n.尊敬,尊重;vt.尊重,敬重;把…看作 | |
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98 gallant | |
adj.英勇的,豪侠的;(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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99 looming | |
n.上现蜃景(光通过低层大气发生异常折射形成的一种海市蜃楼)v.隐约出现,阴森地逼近( loom的现在分词 );隐约出现,阴森地逼近 | |
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100 sleek | |
adj.光滑的,井然有序的;v.使光滑,梳拢 | |
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101 vividly | |
adv.清楚地,鲜明地,生动地 | |
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102 unawareness | |
不知觉;不察觉;不意;不留神 | |
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103 repelled | |
v.击退( repel的过去式和过去分词 );使厌恶;排斥;推开 | |
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104 resonant | |
adj.(声音)洪亮的,共鸣的 | |
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105 uncouth | |
adj.无教养的,粗鲁的 | |
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106 uncouthness | |
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107 abruptly | |
adv.突然地,出其不意地 | |
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108 conspicuous | |
adj.明眼的,惹人注目的;炫耀的,摆阔气的 | |
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109 steadily | |
adv.稳定地;不变地;持续地 | |
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110 bent | |
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的 | |
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111 hawk | |
n.鹰,骗子;鹰派成员 | |
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112 hovering | |
鸟( hover的现在分词 ); 靠近(某事物); (人)徘徊; 犹豫 | |
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113 antagonistic | |
adj.敌对的 | |
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114 adornment | |
n.装饰;装饰品 | |
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115 possessed | |
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
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116 sniffed | |
v.以鼻吸气,嗅,闻( sniff的过去式和过去分词 );抽鼻子(尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气);抱怨,不以为然地说 | |
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117 dangling | |
悬吊着( dangle的现在分词 ); 摆动不定; 用某事物诱惑…; 吊胃口 | |
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118 blithe | |
adj.快乐的,无忧无虑的 | |
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119 foamy | |
adj.全是泡沫的,泡沫的,起泡沫的 | |
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120 twilight | |
n.暮光,黄昏;暮年,晚期,衰落时期 | |
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121 aisle | |
n.(教堂、教室、戏院等里的)过道,通道 | |
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122 luminous | |
adj.发光的,发亮的;光明的;明白易懂的;有启发的 | |
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123 delightful | |
adj.令人高兴的,使人快乐的 | |
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124 enjoyment | |
n.乐趣;享有;享用 | |
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125 obtrude | |
v.闯入;侵入;打扰 | |
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126 hymn | |
n.赞美诗,圣歌,颂歌 | |
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127 tenor | |
n.男高音(歌手),次中音(乐器),要旨,大意 | |
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128 amazement | |
n.惊奇,惊讶 | |
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129 trumpet | |
n.喇叭,喇叭声;v.吹喇叭,吹嘘 | |
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130 giggle | |
n.痴笑,咯咯地笑;v.咯咯地笑着说 | |
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131 perfectly | |
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
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132 crimson | |
n./adj.深(绯)红色(的);vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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133 rim | |
n.(圆物的)边,轮缘;边界 | |
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134 crumb | |
n.饼屑,面包屑,小量 | |
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135 slur | |
v.含糊地说;诋毁;连唱;n.诋毁;含糊的发音 | |
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136 gust | |
n.阵风,突然一阵(雨、烟等),(感情的)迸发 | |
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137 reproof | |
n.斥责,责备 | |
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138 eddies | |
(水、烟等的)漩涡,涡流( eddy的名词复数 ) | |
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139 giggling | |
v.咯咯地笑( giggle的现在分词 ) | |
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140 prim | |
adj.拘泥形式的,一本正经的;n.循规蹈矩,整洁;adv.循规蹈矩地,整洁地 | |
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141 oblivious | |
adj.易忘的,遗忘的,忘却的,健忘的 | |
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142 vaguely | |
adv.含糊地,暖昧地 | |
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143 astonishment | |
n.惊奇,惊异 | |
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144 spasm | |
n.痉挛,抽搐;一阵发作 | |
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145 whoop | |
n.大叫,呐喊,喘息声;v.叫喊,喘息 | |
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146 taut | |
adj.拉紧的,绷紧的,紧张的 | |
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147 suspense | |
n.(对可能发生的事)紧张感,担心,挂虑 | |
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148 fumbling | |
n. 摸索,漏接 v. 摸索,摸弄,笨拙的处理 | |
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149 exhausted | |
adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的 | |
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150 thoroughly | |
adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地 | |
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151 depressed | |
adj.沮丧的,抑郁的,不景气的,萧条的 | |
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152 wincing | |
赶紧避开,畏缩( wince的现在分词 ) | |
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153 haughty | |
adj.傲慢的,高傲的 | |
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154 resounding | |
adj. 响亮的 | |
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155 shameful | |
adj.可耻的,不道德的 | |
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156 flipped | |
轻弹( flip的过去式和过去分词 ); 按(开关); 快速翻转; 急挥 | |
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157 giggled | |
v.咯咯地笑( giggle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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158 outright | |
adv.坦率地;彻底地;立即;adj.无疑的;彻底的 | |
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159 haze | |
n.霾,烟雾;懵懂,迷糊;vi.(over)变模糊 | |
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160 choir | |
n.唱诗班,唱诗班的席位,合唱团,舞蹈团;v.合唱 | |
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161 chuckling | |
轻声地笑( chuckle的现在分词 ) | |
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162 remarkable | |
adj.显著的,异常的,非凡的,值得注意的 | |
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163 tickled | |
(使)发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 ); (使)愉快,逗乐 | |
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164 ripple | |
n.涟波,涟漪,波纹,粗钢梳;vt.使...起涟漪,使起波纹; vi.呈波浪状,起伏前进 | |
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165 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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166 drawn | |
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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167 stimulated | |
a.刺激的 | |
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168 nave | |
n.教堂的中部;本堂 | |
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169 carving | |
n.雕刻品,雕花 | |
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170 hush | |
int.嘘,别出声;n.沉默,静寂;v.使安静 | |
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171 ponderous | |
adj.沉重的,笨重的,(文章)冗长的 | |
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172 renaissance | |
n.复活,复兴,文艺复兴 | |
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173 perpendicular | |
adj.垂直的,直立的;n.垂直线,垂直的位置 | |
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174 kindled | |
(使某物)燃烧,着火( kindle的过去式和过去分词 ); 激起(感情等); 发亮,放光 | |
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175 lodging | |
n.寄宿,住所;(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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176 tryst | |
n.约会;v.与…幽会 | |
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177 transgressed | |
v.超越( transgress的过去式和过去分词 );越过;违反;违背 | |
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178 recurred | |
再发生,复发( recur的过去式和过去分词 ); 治愈 | |
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179 vibration | |
n.颤动,振动;摆动 | |
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180 derisiveness | |
n.嘲笑,嘲弄 | |
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181 utterly | |
adv.完全地,绝对地 | |
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182 irritably | |
ad.易生气地 | |
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183 appreciation | |
n.评价;欣赏;感谢;领会,理解;价格上涨 | |
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184 writhed | |
(因极度痛苦而)扭动或翻滚( writhe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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185 instinctive | |
adj.(出于)本能的;直觉的;(出于)天性的 | |
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186 propitiate | |
v.慰解,劝解 | |
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187 persistent | |
adj.坚持不懈的,执意的;持续的 | |
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188 exasperated | |
adj.恼怒的 | |
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189 noted | |
adj.著名的,知名的 | |
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190 insistent | |
adj.迫切的,坚持的 | |
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191 mythological | |
adj.神话的 | |
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192 phoenix | |
n.凤凰,长生(不死)鸟;引申为重生 | |
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193 flickering | |
adj.闪烁的,摇曳的,一闪一闪的 | |
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194 upwards | |
adv.向上,在更高处...以上 | |
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195 acorns | |
n.橡子,栎实( acorn的名词复数 ) | |
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196 emblem | |
n.象征,标志;徽章 | |
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197 fretted | |
焦躁的,附有弦马的,腐蚀的 | |
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198 emblematic | |
adj.象征的,可当标志的;象征性 | |
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199 swoops | |
猛扑,突然下降( swoop的名词复数 ) | |
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200 swooping | |
俯冲,猛冲( swoop的现在分词 ) | |
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201 touching | |
adj.动人的,使人感伤的 | |
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202 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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203 transit | |
n.经过,运输;vt.穿越,旋转;vi.越过 | |
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204 recollect | |
v.回忆,想起,记起,忆起,记得 | |
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205 seethed | |
(液体)沸腾( seethe的过去式和过去分词 ); 激动,大怒; 强压怒火; 生闷气(~with sth|~ at sth) | |
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206 anguish | |
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
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207 flare | |
v.闪耀,闪烁;n.潮红;突发 | |
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208 quail | |
n.鹌鹑;vi.畏惧,颤抖 | |
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209 swelled | |
增强( swell的过去式和过去分词 ); 肿胀; (使)凸出; 充满(激情) | |
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210 perches | |
栖息处( perch的名词复数 ); 栖枝; 高处; 鲈鱼 | |
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211 perch | |
n.栖木,高位,杆;v.栖息,就位,位于 | |
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212 crouched | |
v.屈膝,蹲伏( crouch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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213 bustle | |
v.喧扰地忙乱,匆忙,奔忙;n.忙碌;喧闹 | |
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214 cleaving | |
v.劈开,剁开,割开( cleave的现在分词 ) | |
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215 slanted | |
有偏见的; 倾斜的 | |
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216 gulf | |
n.海湾;深渊,鸿沟;分歧,隔阂 | |
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217 misty | |
adj.雾蒙蒙的,有雾的 | |
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218 shaft | |
n.(工具的)柄,杆状物 | |
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219 blurred | |
v.(使)变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 );(使)难以区分;模模糊糊;迷离 | |
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220 fowls | |
鸟( fowl的名词复数 ); 禽肉; 既不是这; 非驴非马 | |
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221 squandering | |
v.(指钱,财产等)浪费,乱花( squander的现在分词 ) | |
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222 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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223 relinquish | |
v.放弃,撤回,让与,放手 | |
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224 shuddered | |
v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 );发抖;(机器、车辆等)突然震动;颤动 | |
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225 almighty | |
adj.全能的,万能的;很大的,很强的 | |
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226 poignant | |
adj.令人痛苦的,辛酸的,惨痛的 | |
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227 chisel | |
n.凿子;v.用凿子刻,雕,凿 | |
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228 unripe | |
adj.未成熟的;n.未成熟 | |
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229 belly | |
n.肚子,腹部;(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分,膛 | |
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230 ecstasy | |
n.狂喜,心醉神怡,入迷 | |
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231 bough | |
n.大树枝,主枝 | |
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232 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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233 hovered | |
鸟( hover的过去式和过去分词 ); 靠近(某事物); (人)徘徊; 犹豫 | |
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234 reapers | |
n.收割者,收获者( reaper的名词复数 );收割机 | |
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235 prostrate | |
v.拜倒,平卧,衰竭;adj.拜倒的,平卧的,衰竭的 | |
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236 hazily | |
ad. vaguely, not clear | |
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237 populous | |
adj.人口稠密的,人口众多的 | |
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238 erect | |
n./v.树立,建立,使竖立;adj.直立的,垂直的 | |
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239 hoary | |
adj.古老的;鬓发斑白的 | |
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240 heralds | |
n.使者( herald的名词复数 );预报者;预兆;传令官v.预示( herald的第三人称单数 );宣布(好或重要) | |
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241 gossamer | |
n.薄纱,游丝 | |
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242 tangled | |
adj. 纠缠的,紊乱的 动词tangle的过去式和过去分词 | |
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243 hiss | |
v.发出嘶嘶声;发嘘声表示不满 | |
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244 hissed | |
发嘶嘶声( hiss的过去式和过去分词 ); 发嘘声表示反对 | |
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245 bosom | |
n.胸,胸部;胸怀;内心;adj.亲密的 | |
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246 mingling | |
adj.混合的 | |
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247 tune | |
n.调子;和谐,协调;v.调音,调节,调整 | |
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248 flaring | |
a.火焰摇曳的,过份艳丽的 | |
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249 ebb | |
vi.衰退,减退;n.处于低潮,处于衰退状态 | |
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250 engrossed | |
adj.全神贯注的 | |
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251 backwards | |
adv.往回地,向原处,倒,相反,前后倒置地 | |
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252 glistened | |
v.湿物闪耀,闪亮( glisten的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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253 glisten | |
vi.(光洁或湿润表面等)闪闪发光,闪闪发亮 | |
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254 fumbled | |
(笨拙地)摸索或处理(某事物)( fumble的过去式和过去分词 ); 乱摸,笨拙地弄; 使落下 | |
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255 rhythmic | |
adj.有节奏的,有韵律的 | |
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256 persistently | |
ad.坚持地;固执地 | |
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257 monotonously | |
adv.单调地,无变化地 | |
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258 scent | |
n.气味,香味,香水,线索,嗅觉;v.嗅,发觉 | |
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259 plaintive | |
adj.可怜的,伤心的 | |
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260 rapture | |
n.狂喜;全神贯注;着迷;v.使狂喜 | |
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261 irritation | |
n.激怒,恼怒,生气 | |
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262 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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263 chagrin | |
n.懊恼;气愤;委屈 | |
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264 accomplishment | |
n.完成,成就,(pl.)造诣,技能 | |
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265 pebble | |
n.卵石,小圆石 | |
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266 inhuman | |
adj.残忍的,不人道的,无人性的 | |
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267 sneered | |
讥笑,冷笑( sneer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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268 antagonism | |
n.对抗,敌对,对立 | |
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269 shrill | |
adj.尖声的;刺耳的;v尖叫 | |
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270 hysterical | |
adj.情绪异常激动的,歇斯底里般的 | |
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271 stunned | |
adj. 震惊的,惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
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272 impeded | |
阻碍,妨碍,阻止( impede的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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273 obstinate | |
adj.顽固的,倔强的,不易屈服的,较难治愈的 | |
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274 purely | |
adv.纯粹地,完全地 | |
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275 sobbing | |
<主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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276 doorway | |
n.门口,(喻)入门;门路,途径 | |
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277 sobbed | |
哭泣,啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 ); 哭诉,呜咽地说 | |
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278 isolation | |
n.隔离,孤立,分解,分离 | |
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279 middle-aged | |
adj.中年的 | |
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280 guardian | |
n.监护人;守卫者,保护者 | |
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281 gathering | |
n.集会,聚会,聚集 | |
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282 poignantly | |
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283 naive | |
adj.幼稚的,轻信的;天真的 | |
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284 unnatural | |
adj.不自然的;反常的 | |
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285 hideous | |
adj.丑陋的,可憎的,可怕的,恐怖的 | |
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286 demon | |
n.魔鬼,恶魔 | |
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287 ravening | |
a.贪婪而饥饿的 | |
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288 loathed | |
v.憎恨,厌恶( loathe的过去式和过去分词 );极不喜欢 | |
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289 marital | |
adj.婚姻的,夫妻的 | |
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290 underneath | |
adj.在...下面,在...底下;adv.在下面 | |
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291 trampled | |
踩( trample的过去式和过去分词 ); 践踏; 无视; 侵犯 | |
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292 kernel | |
n.(果实的)核,仁;(问题)的中心,核心 | |
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293 bliss | |
n.狂喜,福佑,天赐的福 | |
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294 faculties | |
n.能力( faculty的名词复数 );全体教职员;技巧;院 | |
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295 deriving | |
v.得到( derive的现在分词 );(从…中)得到获得;源于;(从…中)提取 | |
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296 scrambled | |
v.快速爬行( scramble的过去式和过去分词 );攀登;争夺;(军事飞机)紧急起飞 | |
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297 yew | |
n.紫杉属树木 | |
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298 grassy | |
adj.盖满草的;长满草的 | |
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299 whitewashed | |
粉饰,美化,掩饰( whitewash的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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300 ivy | |
n.常青藤,常春藤 | |
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301 spire | |
n.(教堂)尖顶,尖塔,高点 | |
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302 canny | |
adj.谨慎的,节俭的 | |
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303 mashing | |
捣碎 | |
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304 anticipation | |
n.预期,预料,期望 | |
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305 copper | |
n.铜;铜币;铜器;adj.铜(制)的;(紫)铜色的 | |
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306 poked | |
v.伸出( poke的过去式和过去分词 );戳出;拨弄;与(某人)性交 | |
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307 jumble | |
vt.使混乱,混杂;n.混乱;杂乱的一堆 | |
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308 implements | |
n.工具( implement的名词复数 );家具;手段;[法律]履行(契约等)v.实现( implement的第三人称单数 );执行;贯彻;使生效 | |
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309 bellows | |
n.风箱;发出吼叫声,咆哮(尤指因痛苦)( bellow的名词复数 );(愤怒地)说出(某事),大叫v.发出吼叫声,咆哮(尤指因痛苦)( bellow的第三人称单数 );(愤怒地)说出(某事),大叫 | |
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310 poking | |
n. 刺,戳,袋 vt. 拨开,刺,戳 vi. 戳,刺,捅,搜索,伸出,行动散慢 | |
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311 apron | |
n.围裙;工作裙 | |
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312 natty | |
adj.整洁的,漂亮的 | |
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