The straight-going people of the world, in dealing7 with those who go crooked8, are almost always unreasonable9. “Because you have been bad,” say they who are not bad to those who are bad, “because you have hitherto indulged yourself with all pleasures within your reach, because you have never worked steadily10 or submitted yourself to restraint, because you have been a drunkard, and a gambler, and have lived in foul11 company, therefore now,—now that I have got a hold of you and can manipulate you in reference to your repentance12 and future conduct,—I will require from you a mode of life that, in its general attractions, shall be about equal to that of a hermit13 in the desert. If you flinch14 you are not only a monster of ingratitude15 towards me, who am taking all this trouble to save you, but you are also a poor wretch16 for whom no possible hope of grace can remain.” When it is found that a young man is neglecting his duties, doing nothing, spending his nights in billiard rooms and worse places, and getting up at two o’clock in the day, the usual prescription17 of his friends is that he should lock himself up in his own dingy18 room, drink tea, and spend his hours in reading good books. It is hardly recognised that a sudden change from billiards19 to good books requires a strength of character which, if possessed20, would probably have kept the young man altogether from falling into bad habits. If we left the doors of our prisons open, and then expressed disgust because the prisoners walked out, we should hardly be less rational. The hours at Mrs. Stiggs’s house had been frightfully heavy to poor Carry Brattle, and at last she escaped.
It was half-past ten on the Monday morning when she went out. It was her custom to go out at that hour. Mr. Fenwick had desired her to attend the morning services at the Cathedral. She had done so for a day or two, and had then neglected them. But she had still left the house always at that time; and once, when Mrs. Stiggs had asked some question on the subject, she had replied almost in anger that she was not a prisoner. On this occasion she made changes in her dress which were not usual, and therefore she was careful to avoid being seen as she went; but had she been interrogated21 she would have persevered22. Who had a right to stop her?
But where should she go? The reader may perhaps remember that once when Mr. Fenwick first found this poor girl, after her flight from home and her great disgrace, she had expressed a desire to go to the mill and just look at it,—even if she might do no more than that. The same idea was now in her mind, but as she left the city she had no concerted plan. There were two things between which she must choose at once,—either to go to London, or not to go to London. She had money enough for her fare, and perhaps a few shillings over. In a dim way she did understand that the choice was between going to the devil at once,—and not going quite at once; and then, weakly, wistfully, with uncertain step, almost without an operation of her mind, she did not take the turn which, from the end of Trotter’s Buildings, would have brought her to the Railway Station, but did take that which led her by the Three Honest Men out on to the Devizes road,—the road which passes across Salisbury Plain, and leads from the city to many Wiltshire villages,—of which Bullhampton is one.
She walked slowly, but she walked nearly the whole day. Nothing could be more truly tragical23 than the utterly24 purposeless tenour of her day,—and of her whole life. She had no plan,—nothing before her; no object even for the evening and night of that very day in which she was wasting her strength on the Devizes road. It is the lack of object, of all aim, in the lives of the houseless wanderers that gives to them the most terrible element of their misery25. Think of it! To walk forth26 with, say, ten shillings in your pocket,—so that there need be no instant suffering from want of bread or shelter,—and have no work to do, no friend to see, no place to expect you, no duty to accomplish, no hope to follow, no bourn to which you can draw nigher,—except that bourn which, in such circumstances, the traveller must surely regard as simply the end of his weariness! But there is nothing to which humanity cannot attune27 itself. Men can live upon poison, can learn to endure absolute solitude28, can bear contumely, scorn, and shame, and never show it. Carry Brattle had already become accustomed to misery, and as she walked she thought more of the wretchedness of the present hour, of her weary feet, of her hunger, and of the nature of the rest which she might purchase for herself at some poor wayside inn, than she did of her future life.
She got a lump of bread and a glass of beer in the middle of the day, and then she walked on and on till the evening came. She went very slowly, stopping often and sitting down when the road side would afford her some spot of green shade. At eight o’clock she had walked fifteen miles, straight along the road, and, as she knew well, had passed the turn which would have taken her by the nearest way from Salisbury to Bullhampton. She had formed no plan, but entertained a hope that if she continued to walk they would not catch her so as to take her to Heytesbury on the morrow. She knew that if she went on she might get to Pycroft Common by this road; and though there was no one in the whole world whom she hated worse than Mrs. Burrows29, still at Pycroft Common she might probably be taken in and sheltered. At eight she reached a small village which she remembered to have seen before, of which she saw the name written up on a board, and which she knew to be six miles from Bullhampton. She was so tired and weary that she could go no further, and here she asked for a bed. She told them that she was walking from Salisbury to the house of a friend who lived near Devizes, and that she had thought she could do it in one day and save her railway fare. She was simply asked to pay for her bed and supper beforehand, and then she was taken in and fed and sheltered. On the next morning she got up very late and was unwilling30 to leave the house. She paid for her breakfast, and, as she was not told to go her way, she sat on the chair in which she had been placed, without speaking, almost without moving, till late in the afternoon. At three o’clock she roused herself, asked for some bread and cheese which she put in her pocket, and started again upon her journey. She thought that she would be safe, at any rate for that day, from the magistrates and the policemen, from the sight of her brother, and from the presence of that other man at Heytesbury. But whither she would go when she left the house,—whether on to the hated cottage at Pycroft Common, or to her father’s house, she had not made up her mind when she tied on her hat. She went on along the road towards Devizes, and about two miles from the village she came to a lane turning to the left, with a finger-post. On this was written a direction,—To Bullhampton and Imber; and here she turned short off towards the parish in which she had been born. It was then four o’clock, and when she had travelled a mile further she found a nook under the wall of a little bridge, and there she seated herself, and ate her dinner of bread and cheese. While she was there a policeman on foot passed along the road. The man did not see her, and had he seen her would have taken no more than a policeman’s ordinary notice of her; but she saw him, and in consequence did not leave her hiding-place for hours.
About nine o’clock she crept on again, but even then her mind was not made up. She did not even yet know where she would bestow31 herself for that night. It seemed to her that there would be an inexpressible pleasure to her, even in her misery, in walking round the precincts of the mill, in gazing at the windows of the house, in standing32 on the bridge where she had so often loitered, and in looking once more on the scene of her childhood. But, as she thought of this, she remembered the darkness of the stream, and the softly-gurgling but rapid flow with which it hurried itself on beneath the black abyss of the building. She had often shuddered33 as she watched it, indulging herself in the luxury of causeless trepidation34. But now, were she there, she would surely take that plunge35 into the blackness, which would bring her to the end of all her misery!
And yet, as she went on towards her old home, through the twilight36, she had no more definite idea than that of looking once more on the place which had been cherished in her memory through all her sufferings. As to her rest for the night she had no plan,—unless, indeed, she might find her rest in the hidden mill-pool of that dark, softly-gurgling stream.
On that same day, between six and seven in the evening, the miller37 was told by Mr. Fenwick that his son was no longer accused of the murder. He had not received the information in the most gracious manner; but not the less quick was he in making it known at the mill. “Them dunderheads over at He’tsbry has found out at last as our Sam had now’t to do with it.” This he said, addressing no one in particular, but in the hearing of his wife and Fanny Brattle. Then there came upon him a torrent38 of questions and a torrent also of tears. Mrs. Brattle and Fanny had both made up their minds that Sam was innocent; but the mother had still feared that he would be made to suffer in spite of his innocence39. Fanny, however, had always persisted that the goodness of the Lord would save him and them from such injustice40. To the old man himself they had hardly dared to talk about it, but now they strove to win him to some softness. Might not a struggle be made to bring Sam back to the mill? But it was very hard to soften41 the miller. “After what’s come and gone, the lad is better away,” he said, at last. “I didn’t think as he’d ever raised his hand again an old man,” he said, shortly afterwards; “but he’s kep’ company with them as did. It’s a’most as bad.” Beyond this the miller would not go; but, when they separated for the night, the mother took herself for awhile into the daughter’s chamber42 in order that they might weep and rejoice together. It was now all but midsummer, and the evenings were long and sultry. The window of Fanny’s bedroom looked out on to the garden of the mill, and was but a foot or two above the ground. This ground had once been pleasant to them all, and profitable withal. Of late, since the miller had become old, and Sam had grown to be too restive43 and self-willed to act as desired for the general welfare of the family, but little of pleasure, or profit either, had been forthcoming from the patch of ground. There were a few cabbages there, and rows of untended gooseberry and currant bushes, and down towards the orchard44 there was a patch of potatoes; but no one took pride now in the garden. As for Fanny, if she could provide that there should always be a sufficient meal on the table for her father and mother, it was as much as she could do. The days were clean gone by in which she had had time and spirits to tend her roses, pinks, and pansies. Now she sat at the open window with her mother, and with bated breath they spoke45 of the daughter and sister that was lost to them.
“He wouldn’t take it amiss, mother, if I was to go over to Salisbury?”
“If you was to ask him, Fan, he’d bid you not,” said the mother.
“But I wouldn’t ask him. I wouldn’t tell him till I was back. She was to be before the magistrates to-day. Mr. Fenwick told me so on Sunday.”
“It will about be the death of her.”
“I don’t know, mother. She’s bolder now, mother, I fear, than what she was in old days. And she was always sprightly,—speaking up to the quality, with no fear like. Maybe it was what she said that got them to let Sam go. She was never a coward, such as me.”
“Oh, Fan, if she’d only a taken after thee!”
“The Lord, mother, makes us different for purposes of his own. Of all the lasses I ever see, to my eyes she was the comeliest46.” The old woman couldn’t speak now, but rubbed her moist cheeks with her raised apron47. “I’ll ask Mr. Toffy to-morrow, mother,” continued Fanny, “and if she be still at that place in Salisbury where Mr. Fenwick put her, I’ll just go to her. Father won’t turn me out of the house along of it.”
“Turn thee out, Fan! He’ll never turn thee out. What ‘d a do, or what ‘d I do if thee was to go away from us? If thou dost go, Fan, take her a few bits of things that are lying there in the big press, and’ll never be used other gait. I warrant the poor child’ll be but badly off for under-clothing.”
And then they planned how the journey on the morrow should be made,—after the constable48 should have been questioned, and the Vicar should have been consulted. Fanny would leave home immediately after breakfast, and when the miller should ask after her at dinner his wife should tell him that his daughter had gone to Salisbury. If further question should be asked,—and it was thought possible that no further question would be asked, as the father would then guess the errand on which his daughter would have gone,—but if the subject were further mooted49, Mrs. Brattle, with such courage as she might be able to assume, should acknowledge the business that had taken Fanny to Salisbury. Then there arose questions about money. Mr. Fenwick had owned, thinking that he might thereby50 ease the mother’s heart, that for the present Carry was maintained by him. To take this task upon themselves the mother and daughter were unable. The money which they had in hand, very small in amount, was, they knew, the property of the head of the family. That they could do no permanent good to Carry was a great grief. But it might be something if they could comfort her for awhile.
“I don’t think but what her heart’ll still be soft to thee, Fan; and who knows but what it may bring her round to see thy face, and hear thy voice.”
At that moment Fanny heard a sound in the garden, and stretched her head and shoulders quickly out of the window. They had been late at the mill that evening, and it was now eleven o’clock. It had been still daylight when the miller had left them at tea; but the night had crept on them as they had sat there. There was no moon, but there was still something left of the reflection of the last colours of the setting sun, and the night was by no means dark. Fanny saw at once the figure of a woman, though she did not at once recognise the person of her sister. “Oh, mother! oh, mother! oh, mother!” said a voice from the night; and in a moment Carry Brattle had stretched herself so far within the window that she had grasped her mother by the arm.
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1
surmise
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| v./n.猜想，推测 | |
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confinement
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| n.幽禁，拘留，监禁；分娩；限制，局限 | |
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3
mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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4
dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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5
magistrates
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| 地方法官，治安官( magistrate的名词复数 ) | |
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6
uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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7
dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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8
crooked
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| adj.弯曲的；不诚实的，狡猾的，不正当的 | |
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unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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10
steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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11
foul
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| adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规 | |
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12
repentance
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| n.懊悔 | |
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13
hermit
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| n.隐士，修道者；隐居 | |
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14
flinch
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| v.畏缩，退缩 | |
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15
ingratitude
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| n.忘恩负义 | |
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16
wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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17
prescription
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| n.处方，开药；指示，规定 | |
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18
dingy
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| adj.昏暗的，肮脏的 | |
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19
billiards
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| n.台球 | |
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20
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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21
interrogated
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| v.询问( interrogate的过去式和过去分词 )；审问；（在计算机或其他机器上）查询 | |
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22
persevered
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| v.坚忍，坚持( persevere的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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23
tragical
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| adj. 悲剧的, 悲剧性的 | |
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24
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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25
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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26
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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attune
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| v.使调和 | |
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28
solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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29
burrows
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| n.地洞( burrow的名词复数 )v.挖掘（洞穴），挖洞( burrow的第三人称单数 )；翻寻 | |
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30
unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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31
bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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32
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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33
shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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34
trepidation
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| n.惊恐，惶恐 | |
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35
plunge
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| v.跳入，(使)投入，(使)陷入；猛冲 | |
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36
twilight
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| n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期 | |
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37
miller
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| n.磨坊主 | |
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38
torrent
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| n.激流，洪流；爆发，(话语等的)连发 | |
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39
innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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40
injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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41
soften
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| v.(使)变柔软；(使)变柔和 | |
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42
chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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43
restive
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| adj.不安宁的，不安静的 | |
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44
orchard
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| n.果园，果园里的全部果树，(美俚)棒球场 | |
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45
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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46
comeliest
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| adj.英俊的，好看的( comely的最高级 ) | |
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47
apron
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| n.围裙；工作裙 | |
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48
constable
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| n.(英国)警察，警官 | |
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49
mooted
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| adj.未决定的，有争议的，有疑问的v.提出…供讨论( moot的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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50
thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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