“I would think better of this, Mary,” said the Vicar.
“I cannot think better of it,” she replied.
He refused, however, to go to Mr. Gilmore that day, demanding that she should have another day in which to revolve3 the matter in her mind. It was understood, however, that if she persisted he would break the matter to her lover. Then this trouble was aggravated4 by the coming of Mr. Gilmore to the vicarage, though it may be that the visit was of use by preparing him in some degree for the blow. When he came Mary was not to be seen. Fancying that he might call, she remained up-stairs all day, and Mrs. Fenwick was obliged to say that she was unwell. “Is she really ill?” the poor man had asked. Mrs. Fenwick, driven hard by the difficulty of her position, had said that she did not believe Mary to be very ill, but that she was so discomposed by news from Dunripple that she could not come down. “I should have thought that I might have seen her,” said Mr. Gilmore, with that black frown upon his brow which now they all knew so well. Mrs. Fenwick made no reply, and then the unhappy man went away. He wanted no further informant to tell him that the woman to whom he was pledged regarded her engagement to him with aversion.
“I must see her again before I go,” Fenwick said to his wife the next morning. And he did see her. But Mary was absolutely firm. When he remarked that she was pale and worn and ill, she acknowledged that she had not closed her eyes during those two nights.
“And it must be so?” he asked, holding her hand tenderly.
“I am so grieved that you should have such a mission,” she replied.
Then he explained to her that he was not thinking of himself, sad as the occasion would be to him. But if this great sorrow could have been spared to his friend! It could not, however, be spared. Mary was quite firm, at any rate as to that. No consideration should induce her now to marry Mr. Gilmore. Mr. Fenwick, on her behalf, might express his regret for the grief she had caused in any terms that he might think fit to use,—might humiliate5 her to the ground if he thought it proper. And yet, had not Mr. Gilmore sinned more against her than had she against him? Had not the manner in which he had grasped at her hand been unmanly and unworthy? But of this, though she thought much of it, she said nothing now to Mr. Fenwick. This commission to the Vicar was that he should make her free; and in doing this he might use what language, and make what confessions6 he pleased. He must, however, make her free.
After breakfast he started upon his errand with a very heavy heart. He loved his friend dearly. Between these two there had grown up now during a period of many years, that undemonstrative, unexpressed, almost unconscious affection which, with men, will often make the greatest charm of their lives, but which is held by women to be quite unsatisfactory and almost nugatory7. It may be doubted whether either of them had ever told the other of his regard. “Yours always,” in writing, was the warmest term that was ever used. Neither ever dreamed of suggesting that the absence of the other would be a cause of grief or even of discomfort8. They would bicker9 with each other, and not unfrequently abuse each other. Chance threw them much together, but they never did anything to assist chance. Women, who love each other as well, will always be expressing their love, always making plans to be together, always doing little things each for the gratification of the other, constantly making presents backwards10 and forwards. These two men had never given any thing, one to the other, beyond a worn-out walking-stick, or a cigar. They were rough to each other, caustic11, and almost ill-mannered. But they thoroughly12 trusted each other; and the happiness, prosperity, and, above all, the honour of the one were, to the other, matters of keenest moment. The bigger man of the two, the one who felt rather than knew himself to be the bigger, had to say that which would go nigh to break his friend’s heart, and the task which he had in hand made him sick at his own heart. He walked slowly across the fields, turning over in his own mind the words he would use. His misery13 for his friend was infinitely14 greater than any that he had suffered on his own account, either in regard to Mr. Puddleham’s chapel15 or the calumny16 of the Marquis.
He found Gilmore sauntering about the stable yard. “Old fellow,” he said, “come along, I have got something to say to you.”
“It is about Mary, I suppose?”
“Well, yes; it is about Mary. You mustn’t be a woman, Harry17, or let a woman make you seriously wretched.”
“I know it all. That will do. You need not say anything more.” Then he put his hands into the pockets of his shooting coat, and walked off as though all had been said that was necessary. Fenwick had told his message and might now go away. As for himself, in the sharpness of his agony he had as yet made no scheme for a future purpose. Only this he had determined18. He would see that false woman once again, and tell her what he thought of her conduct.
But Fenwick knew that his task was not yet done. Gilmore might walk off, but he was bound to follow the unhappy man.
“Harry,” he said, “you had better let me come with you for awhile. You had better hear what I have to say.”
“I want to hear nothing more. What good can it be? Like a fool, I had set my fortune on one cast of the die, and I have lost it. Why she should have added on the misery and disgrace of the last few weeks to the rest, I cannot imagine. I suppose it has been her way of punishing me for my persistency19.”
“It has not been that, Harry.”
“God knows what it has been. I do not understand it.” He had turned from the stables towards the house, and had now come to a part of the grounds in which workmen were converting a little paddock in front of the house into a garden. The gardener was there with four or five labourers, and planks20, and barrows, and mattocks, and heaps of undistributed earth and gravel21 were spread about. “Give over with this,” he said to the gardener, angrily. The man touched his hat, and stood amazed. “Leave it, I say, and send these men away. Pay them for the work, and let them go.”
“You don’t mean as we are to leave it all like this, sir?”
“I do mean that you are to leave it just as it is.” There was a man standing22 with a shovel23 in his hand levelling some loose earth, and the Squire24, going up to him, took the shovel from him and threw it upon the ground. “When I say a thing, I mean it. Ambrose, take these men away. I will not have another stroke of work done here.” The Vicar came up to him and whispered into his ear a prayer that he would not expose himself before the men; but the Squire cared nothing for his friend’s whisper. He shook off the Vicar’s hand from his arm and stalked away into the house.
Two rooms, the two drawing-rooms as they were called, on the ground floor had been stripped of the old paper, and were now in that state of apparent ruin which always comes upon such rooms when workmen enter them with their tools. There were tressels with a board across them, on which a man was standing at this moment, whose business it was to decorate the ceiling.
“That will do,” said the Squire. “You may get down, and leave the place.” The man stood still on his board with his eyes open and his brush in his hand. “I have changed my mind, and you may come down,” said Mr. Gilmore. “Tell Mr. Cross to send me his bill for what he has done, and it shall be paid. Come down, when I tell you. I will have nothing further touched in the house.” He went from room to room and gave the same orders, and, after a while, succeeded in turning the paper-hangers and painters out of the house. Fenwick had followed him from room to room, making every now and then an attempt at remonstrance25; but the Squire had paid no attention either to his words or to his presence.
At last they were alone together in Gilmore’s own study or office, and then the Vicar spoke2. “Harry,” he said, “I am, indeed, surprised that such a one as you should not have more manhood at his command.”
“Were you ever tried as I am?”
“What matters that? You are responsible for your own conduct, and I tell you that your conduct is unmanly.”
“Why should I have the rooms done up? I shall never live here. What is it to me how they are left? The sooner I stop a useless expenditure26 the better. It was being done for her, not for me.”
“Of course you will live here.”
“You know nothing about it. You cannot know anything about it. Why has she treated me in this way? To send up to a man and simply tell him that she has changed her mind! God in heaven!—that you should bring me such a message!”
“You have not allowed me to give my message yet.”
“Give it me, then, and have done with it. Has she not sent you to tell me that she has changed her mind?”
Now that opportunity was given to him, the Vicar did not know how to tell his message. “Perhaps it would have been better that Janet should have come to you.”
“It don’t make much difference who comes. She’ll never come again. I don’t suppose, Frank, you can understand the sort of love I have had for her. You have never been driven by failure to such longing27 as mine has been. And then I thought it had come at last!”
“Will you be patient while I speak to you, Harry?” said the Vicar, again taking him by the arm. They had now left the house, and were out alone among the shrubs28.
“Patient! yes; I think I am patient. Nothing further can hurt me now;—that’s one comfort.”
“Mary bids me remind you,”—Gilmore shuddered29 and shook himself when Mary Lowther’s name was mentioned, but he did not attempt to stop the Vicar,—“she bids me remind you that when the other day she consented to be your wife, she did so—.” He tried to tell it all, but he could not. How could he tell the man the story which Mary had told to him?
“I understand,” said Gilmore. “It’s all of no use, and you are troubling yourself for nothing. She told me that she did not care a straw for me;—but she accepted me.”
“If that was the case, you were both wrong.”
“It was the case. I don’t say who was wrong, but the punishment has come upon me only. Look here, Frank; I will not take this message from you. I will not even give her up yet. I have a right, at least, to see her, and see her I will. I don’t suppose you will try to prevent me?”
“She must do as she pleases, Harry, as long as she is in my house.”
“She shall see me. She is self-willed enough, but she shall not refuse me that. Be so good as to tell her with my compliments, that I expect her to see me. A man is not going to be treated like this, and then not speak his own mind. Be good enough to tell her that from me. I demand an interview.” So saying he turned upon his heel, and walked quickly away through the shrubbery.
The Vicar stood for awhile to think, and then slowly returned to the vicarage by himself. What Gilmore had said to him was true enough. He had, indeed, never been tried after that fashion. It did seem to him that his friend was in fact broken-hearted. Harry Gilmore might live on,—as is the way with men and women who are broken-hearted;—but life for the present, life for some years to come, could be to him only a burden.
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1
specially
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| adv.特定地；特殊地；明确地 | |
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2
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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revolve
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| vi.(使)旋转；循环出现 | |
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4
aggravated
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| 使恶化( aggravate的过去式和过去分词 )； 使更严重； 激怒； 使恼火 | |
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humiliate
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| v.使羞辱，使丢脸[同]disgrace | |
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6
confessions
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| n.承认( confession的名词复数 )；自首；声明；（向神父的）忏悔 | |
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7
nugatory
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| adj.琐碎的，无价值的 | |
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8
discomfort
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| n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便 | |
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9
bicker
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| vi.(为小事)吵嘴，争吵 | |
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10
backwards
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| adv.往回地，向原处，倒，相反，前后倒置地 | |
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caustic
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| adj.刻薄的，腐蚀性的 | |
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12
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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13
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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14
infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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chapel
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| n.小教堂，殡仪馆 | |
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calumny
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| n.诽谤，污蔑，中伤 | |
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harry
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| vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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persistency
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| n. 坚持(余辉, 时间常数) | |
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planks
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| （厚）木板( plank的名词复数 )； 政纲条目，政策要点 | |
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gravel
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| n.砂跞；砂砾层；结石 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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shovel
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| n.铁锨，铲子，一铲之量；v.铲，铲出 | |
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squire
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| n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
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25
remonstrance
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| n抗议，抱怨 | |
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expenditure
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| n.(时间、劳力、金钱等)支出；使用，消耗 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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shrubs
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| 灌木( shrub的名词复数 ) | |
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29
shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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