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Chapter 4 Walking Uptime Passes
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EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE. EVEN when each tick of the second handaches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise1. It passes unevenly2, in strange lurches and dragging lulls3, butpass it does. Even for me.

  CHARLIE'S FIST CAME DOWN ON THE TABLE. "THAT'S IT, Bella! I'm sending you home."I looked up from my cereal, which I was pondering rather than eating, and stared at Charlie in shock. Ihadn't been following the conversation—actually, I hadn't been aware that we were having aconversation—and I wasn't sure what he meant.

  "I am home," I mumbled4, confused.

  "I'm sending you to Renee, to Jacksonville," he clarified.

  Charlie watched with exasperation5 as I slowly grasped the meaning of his words.

  "What did I do?" I felt my face crumple6. It was so unfair. My behavior had been above reproach for thepast four months. After that first week, which neither of us ever mentioned, I hadn't missed a day ofschool or work. My grades were perfect. I never broke curfew—I never went anywhere from which tobreak curfew in the first place. I only very rarely served leftovers7.

  Charlie was scowling8.

  "You didn't do anything. That's the problem. You never do anything.""You want me to get into trouble?" I wondered, my eyebrows9 pulling together in mystification. I made aneffort to pay attention. It wasn't easy. I was so used to tuning10 everything out, my ears felt stopped up.

  "Trouble would be better than this… this moping around all the time!"That stung a bit. I'd been careful to avoid all forms of moroseness11, moping included.

  "I am not moping around." "Wrong word," he grudgingly12 conceded. "Moping would be better—that would be doing something.

  You're just… lifeless, Bella. I think that's the word I want."This accusation13 struck home. I sighed and tried to put some animation14 into my response.

  "I'm sorry, Dad." My apology sounded a little flat, even to me. I'd thought I'd been fooling him. KeepingCharlie from suffering was the whole point of all this effort. How depressing to think that the effort hadbeen wasted.

  "I don't want you to apologize."I sighed. "Then tell me what you do want me to do.""Bella," he hesitated, scrutinizing15 my reaction to his next words. "Honey, you're not the first person to gothrough this kind of thing, you know.""I know that." My accompanying grimace16 was limp and unimpressive.

  "Listen, honey. I think that—that maybe you need some help.""Help?"He paused, searching for the words again. "When your mother left," he began, frowning, "and took youwith her." He inhaled17 deeply. "Well, that was a really bad time for me.""I know, Dad," I mumbled.

  "But I handled it," he pointed18 out. "Honey, you're not handling it. I waited, I hoped it would get better."He stared at me and I looked down quickly. "I think we both know it's not getting better.""I'mfine."He ignored me. "Maybe, well, maybe if you talked to someone about it. A professional.""You want me to see a shrink?" My voice was a shade sharper as I realized what he was getting at.

  "Maybe it would help.""And maybe it wouldn't help one little bit."I didn't know much about psychoanalysis, but I was pretty sure that it didn't work unless the subject wasrelatively honest. Sure, I could tell the truth—if I wanted to spend the rest of my life in a padded cell.

  He examined my obstinate19 expression, and switched to another line of attack.

  "It's beyond me, Bella. Maybe your mother—""Look," I said in a flat voice. "I'll go out tonight, if you want. I'll call Jess or Angela.""That's not what I want," he argued, frustrated20. "I don't think I can live through seeing you try harder.

  I've never seen anyone trying so hard. It hurts to watch."I pretended to be dense21, looking down at the table. "I don't understand, Dad. First you're mad becauseI'm not doing anything, and then you say you don't want me to go out.""I want you to be happy—no, not even that much. I just want you not to be miserable22. I think you'll have a better chance if you get out of Forks."My eyes flashed up with the first small spark of feeling I'd had in too long to contemplate23.

  "I'm not leaving," I said.

  "Why not?" he demanded.

  "I'm in my last semester of school—it would screw everything up.""You're a good student—you'll figure it out.""I don't want to crowd Mom and Phil.""Your mother's been dying to have you back.""Florida is too hot."His fist came down on the table again. "We both know what's really going on here, Bella, and it's notgood for you." He took a deep breath. "It's been months. No calls, no letters, no contact. You can't keepwaitingforhim."I glowered24 at him. The heat almost, but not quite, reached my face. It had been a long time since I'dblushed with any emotion.

  This whole subject was utterly25 forbidden, as he was well aware.

  "I'm not waiting for anything. I don't expect anything," I said in a low monotone.

  "Bella—," Charlie began, his voice thick.

  "I have to get to school," I interrupted, standing26 up and yanking my untouched breakfast from the table. Idumped my bowl in the sink without pausing to wash it out. I couldn't deal with any more conversation.

  "I'll make plans with Jessica," I called over my shoulder as I strapped27 on my school bag, not meeting hiseyes. "Maybe I won't be home for dinner. We'll go to Port Angeles and watch a movie."I was out the front door before he could react.

  In my haste to get away from Charlie, I ended up being one of the first ones to school. The plus side wasthat I got a really good parking spot. The downside was that I had free time on my hands, and I tried toavoid free time at all costs.

  Quickly, before I could start thinking about Charlie's accusations28, I pulled out my Calculus29 book. Iflipped it open to the section we should be starting today, and tried to make sense of it. Reading mathwas even worse than listening to it, but I was getting better at it. In the last several months, I'd spent tentimes the amount of time on Calculus than I'd ever spent on math before. As a result, I was managing tokeep in the range of a low A. I knew Mr. Varner felt my improvement was all due to his superiorteaching methods. And if that made him happy, I wasn't going to burst his bubble.

  I forced myself to keep at it until the parking lot was full, and I ended up rushing to English. We wereworking on Animal Farm, an easy subject matter. I didn't mind communism; it was a welcome changefrom the exhausting romances that made up most of the curriculum. I settled into my seat, pleased by thedistraction of Mr. Berty's lecture.

   Time moved easily while I was in school. The bell rang all too soon. I started repacking my bag.

  "Bella?"I recognized Mike's voice, and I knew what his next words would be before he said them.

  "Are you working tomorrow?"I looked up. He was leaning across the aisle30 with an anxious expression. Every Friday he asked me thesame question. Never mind that I hadn't taken so much as a sick day. Well, with one exception, monthsago. But he had no reason to look at me with such concern. I was a model employee.

  "Tomorrow is Saturday, isn't it?" I said. Having just had it pointed out to me by Charlie, I realized howlifeless my voice really sounded.

  "Yeah, it is," he agreed. "See you in Spanish." He waved once before turning his back. He didn't botherwalking me to class anymore.

  I trudged31 off to Calculus with a grim expression. This was the class where I sat next to Jessica.

  It had been weeks, maybe months, since Jess had even greeted me when I passed her in the hall. I knewI had offended her with my antisocial behavior, and she was sulking. It wasn't going to be easy to talk toher now—especially to ask her to do me a favor. I weighed my options carefully as I loitered outside theclassroom, procrastinating32.

  I wasn't about to face Charlie again without some kind of social interaction to report. I knew I couldn'tlie, though the thought of driving to Port Angeles and back alone—being sure my odometer reflected thecorrect mileage33, just in case he checked—was very tempting34. Jessica's mom was the biggest gossip intown, and Charlie was bound to run into Mrs. Stanley sooner rather than later. When he did, he wouldno doubt mention the trip. Lying was out.

  With a sigh, I shoved the door open.

  Mr. Varner gave me a dark look—he'd already started the lecture. I hurried to my seat. Jessica didn'tlook up as I sat next to her. I was glad that I had fifty minutes to mentally prepare myself.

  This class flew by even faster than English. A small part of that speed was due to my goody-goodypreparation this morning in the truck—but mostly it stemmed from the fact that time always sped up whenI was looking forward to something unpleasant.

  I grimaced35 when Mr. Varner dismissed the class five minutes early. He smiled like he was being nice.

  "Jess?" My nose wrinkled as I cringed, waiting for her to turn on me.

  She twisted in her seat to face me, eyeing me incredulously. "Are you talking to me, Bella?""Of course." I widened my eyes to suggest innocence36.

  "What? Do you need help with Calculus?" Her tone was a tad sour.

  "No." I shook my head. "Actually, I wanted to know if you would… go to the movies with me tonight? Ireally need a girls' night out." The words sounded stiff, like badly delivered lines, and she lookedsuspicious.

  "Why are you asking me?" she asked, still unfriendly.

   "You're the first person I think of when I want girl time." I smiled, and I hoped the smile looked genuine.

  It was probably true. She was at least the first person I thought of when I wanted to avoid Charlie. Itamounted to the same thing.

  She seemed a little mollified. "Well, I don't know.""Do you have plans?""No… I guess I can go with you. What do you want to see?""I'm not sure what's playing," I hedged. This was the tricky37 part. I racked my brain for a clue—hadn't Iheard someone talk about a movie recently? Seen a poster? "How about that one with the femalepresident?"She looked at me oddly. "Bella, that one's been out of the theater forever.""Oh." I frowned. "Is there anything you'd like to see?"Jessica's natural bubbliness started to leak out in spite of herself as she thought out loud. "Well, there'sthat new romantic comedy that's getting great reviews. I want to see that one. And my dad just sawDead End and he really liked it."I grasped at the promising38 title. "What's that one about?""Zombies or something. He said it was the scariest thing he'd seen in years.""That sounds perfect." I'd rather deal with real zombies than watch a romance.

  "Okay." She seemed surprised by my response. I tried to remember if I liked scary movies, but I wasn'tsure. "Do you want me to pick you up after school?" she offered.

  "Sure."Jessica smiled at me with tentative friendliness39 before she left. My answering smile was just a little late,but I thought that she saw it.

  The rest of the day passed quickly, my thoughts focused on planning for tonight. I knew from experiencethat once I got Jessica talking, I would be able to get away with a few mumbled responses at theappropriate moments. Only minimal40 interaction would be required.

  The thick haze41 that blurred42 my days now was sometimes confusing. I was surprised when I found myselfin my room, not clearly remembering the drive home from school or even opening the front door. But thatdidn't matter. Losing track of time was the most I asked from life.

  I didn't fight the haze as I turned to my closet. The numbness45 was more essential in some places than inothers. I barely registered what I was looking at as I slid the door aside to reveal the pile of rubbish onthe left side of my closet, under the clothes I never wore.

  My eyes did not stray toward the black garbage bag that held my present from that last birthday, did notsee the shape of the stereo where it strained against the black plastic; I didn't think of the bloody46 messmy nails had been when I'd finished clawing it out of the dashboard.

  I yanked the old purse I rarely used off the nail it hung from, and shoved the door shut.

  Just then I heard a horn honking47. I swiftly traded my wallet from my schoolbag into the purse. I was in a hurry, as if rushing would somehow make the night pass more quickly.

  I glanced at myself in the hall mirror before I opened the door, arranging my features carefully into a smileand trying to hold them there.

  "Thanks for coming with me tonight," I told Jess as I climbed into the passenger seat, trying to infuse mytone with gratitude48. It had been a while since I'd really thought about what I was saying to anyonebesides Charlie. Jess was harder. I wasn't sure which were the right emotions to fake.

  "Sure. So, what brought this on?" Jess wondered as she drove down my street.

  "Brought what on?""Why did you suddenly decide… to go out?" It sounded like she changed her question halfway49 through.

  I shrugged50. "Just needed a change."I recognized the song on the radio then, and quickly reached for the dial. "Do you mind?" I asked.

  "No, go ahead."I scanned through the stations until I found one that was harmless. I peeked51 at Jess's expression as thenew music filled the car.

  Her eyes squinted52. "Since when do you listen to rap?""I don't know," I said. "A while.""You like this?" she asked doubtfully.

  "Sure."It would be much too hard to interact with Jessica normally if I had to work to tune53 out the music, too. Inodded my head, hoping I was in time with the beat.

  "Okay…" She stared out the windshield with wide eyes.

  "So what's up with you and Mike these days?" I asked quickly.

  "You see him more than I do."The question hadn't started her talking like I'd hoped it would.

  "It's hard to talk at work," I mumbled, and then I tried again. "Have you been out with anyone lately?""Not really. I go out with Conner sometimes. I went out with Eric two weeks ago." She rolled her eyes,and I sensed a long story. I clutched at the opportunity.

  "Eric Yorkie? Who asked who?"She groaned54, getting more animated55. "He did, of course! I couldn't think of a nice way to say no.""Where did he take you?" I demanded, knowing she would interpret my eagerness as interest. "Tell meall about it."She launched into her tale, and I settled into my seat, more comfortable now. I paid strict attention, murmuring in sympathy and gasping56 in horror as called for. When she was finished with her Eric story,she continued into a Conner comparison without any prodding57.

  The movie was playing early, so Jess thought we should hit the twilight58 showing and eat later. I washappy to go along with whatever she wanted; after all, I was getting what I wanted—Charlie off myback.

  I kept Jess talking through the previews, so I could ignore them more easily. But I got nervous when themovie started. A young couple was walking along a beach, swinging hands and discussing their mutualaffection with gooey falseness. I resisted the urge to cover my ears and start humming. I had notbargained for a romance.

  "I thought we picked the zombie movie," I hissed59 to Jessica.

  "This is the zombie movie.""Then why isn't anyone getting eaten?" I asked desperately60.

  She looked at me with wide eyes that were almost alarmed. "I'm sure that part's coming," she whispered.

  "I'm getting popcorn61. Do you want any?""No, thanks."Someone shushed us from behind.

  I took my time at the concession62 counter, watching the clock and debating what percentage of aninety-minute movie could be spent on romantic exposition. I decided63 ten minutes was more than enough,but I paused just inside the theater doors to be sure. I could hear horrified64 screams blaring from thespeakers, so I knew I'd waited long enough.

  "You missed everything," Jess murmured when I slid back into my seat. "Almost everyone is a zombienow.""Long line." I offered her some popcorn. She took a handful.

  The rest of the movie was comprised of gruesome zombie attacks and endless screaming from thehandful of people left alive, their numbers dwindling65 quickly. I would have thought there was nothing inthat to disturb me. But I felt uneasy, and I wasn't sure why at first.

  It wasn't until almost the very end, as I watched a haggard zombie shambling after the last shriekingsurvivor, that I realized what the problem was. The scene kept cutting between the horrified face of theheroine, and the dead, emotionless face of her pursuer, back and forth66 as it closed the distance.

  And I realized which one resembled me the most.

  I stood up.

  "Where are you going? There's, like, two minutes left," Jess hissed.

  "I need a drink," I muttered as I raced for the exit.

  I sat down on the bench outside the theater door and tried very hard not to think of the irony67. But it wasironic, all things considered, that, in the end, I would wind up as a zombie. I hadn't seen that one coming.

   Not that I hadn't dreamed of becoming a mythical68 monster once—just never a grotesque69, animatedcorpse. I shook my head to dislodge that train of thought, feeling panicky. I couldn't afford to think aboutwhat I'd once dreamed of.

  It was depressing to realize that I wasn't the heroine anymore, that my story was over.

  Jessica came out of the theater doors and hesitated, probably wondering where the best place was tosearch for me. When she saw me, she looked relieved, but only for a moment. Then she looked irritated.

  "Was the movie too scary for you?" she wondered.

  "Yeah," I agreed. "I guess I'm just a coward.""That's funny." She frowned. "I didn't think you were scared—I was screaming all the time, but I didn'thear you scream once. So I didn't know why you left."I shrugged. "Just scared."She relaxed a little. "That was the scariest movie I think I've ever seen. I'll bet we're going to havenightmares tonight.""No doubt about that," I said, trying to keep my voice normal. It was inevitable70 that I would havenightmares, but they wouldn't be about zombies. Her eyes flashed to my face and away. Maybe I hadn'tsucceeded with the normal voice.

  "Where do you want to eat?" Jess asked.

  "I don't care.""Okay."Jess started talking about the male lead in the movie as we walked. I nodded as she gushed71 over hishotness, unable to remember seeing a non-zombie man at all.

  I didn't watch where Jessica was leading me. I was only vaguely72 aware that it was dark and quieter now.

  It took me longer than it should have to realize why it was quiet. Jessica had stopped babbling73. I lookedat her apologetically, hoping I hadn't hurt her feelings.

  Jessica wasn't looking at me. Her face was tense; she stared straight ahead and walked fast. As Iwatched, her eyes darted74 quickly to the right, across the road, and back again.

  I glanced around myself for the first time.

  We were on a short stretch of unlit sidewalk. The little shops lining75 the street were all locked up for thenight, windows black. Half a block ahead, the streetlights started up again, and I could see, farther down,the bright golden arches of the McDonald's she was heading for.

  Across the street there was one open business. The windows were covered from inside and there wereneon signs, advertisements for different brands of beer, glowing in front of them. The biggest sign, inbrilliant green, was the name of the bar—One-Eyed Pete's. I wondered if there was some pirate themenot visible from outside. The metal door was propped76 open; it was dimly lit inside, and the low murmurof many voices and the sound of ice clinking in glasses floated across the street. Lounging against the wallbeside the door were four men.

  I glanced back at Jessica. Her eyes were fixed77 on the path ahead and she moved briskly. She didn't look frightened—just wary78, trying to not attract attention to herself.

  I paused without thinking, looking back at the four men with a strong sense of déjà vu. This was adifferent road, a different night, but the scene was so much the same. One of them was even short anddark. As I stopped and turned toward them, that one looked up in interest.

  I stared back at him, frozen on the sidewalk.

  "Bella?" Jess whispered. "What are you doing?"I shook my head, not sure myself. "I think I know them…" I muttered.

  What was I doing? I should be running from this memory as fast as I could, blocking the image of thefour lounging men from my mind, protecting myself with the numbness I couldn't function without. Whywas I stepping, dazed, into the street?

  It seemed too coincidental that I should be in Port Angeles with Jessica, on a dark street even. My eyesfocused on the short one, trying to match the features to my memory of the man who had threatened methat night almost a year ago. I wondered if there was any way I would recognize the man, if it was reallyhim. That particular part of that particular evening was just a blur43. My body remembered it better than mymind did; the tension in my legs as I tried to decide whether to run or to stand my ground, the dryness inmy throat as I struggled to build a decent scream, the tight stretch of skin across my knuckles79 as Iclenched my hands into fists, the chills on the back of my neck when the dark-haired man called me"sugar."…There was an indefinite, implied kind of menace to these men that had nothing to do with that other night.

  It sprung from the fact that they were strangers, and it was dark here, and they outnumbered us—nothingmore specific than that. But it was enough that Jessica's voice cracked in panic as she called after me.

  "Bella, come on!"I ignored her, walking slowly forward without ever making the conscious decision to move my feet. Ididn't understand why, but the nebulous threat the men presented drew me toward them. It was asenseless impulse, but I hadn't felt any kind of impulse in so long… I followed it.

  Something unfamiliar80 beat through my veins81. Adrenaline, I realized, long absent from my system,drumming my pulse faster and fighting against the lack of sensation. It was strange—why the adrenalinewhen there was no fear? It was almost as if it were an echo of the last time I'd stood like this, on a darkstreet in Port Angeles with strangers.

  I saw no reason for fear. I couldn't imagine anything in the world that there was left to be afraid of, notphysically at least. One of the few advantages of losing everything.

  I was halfway across the street when Jess caught up to me and grabbed my arm.

  "Bella! You can't go in a bar!" she hissed.

  "I'm not going in," I said absently, shaking her hand off. "I just want to see something…""Are you crazy?" she whispered. "Are you suicidal?"That question caught my attention, and my eyes focused on her.

  "No, I'm not." My voice sounded defensive82, but it was true. I wasn't suicidal. Even in the beginning, when death unquestionably would have been a relief, I didn't consider it. I owed too much to Charlie. I felt tooresponsible for Renee. I had to think of them.

  And I'd made a promise not to do anything stupid or reckless. For all those reasons, I was still breathing.

  Remembering that promise. I felt a twinge of guilt83.

  but what I was doing fight now didn't really count. It wasn't like I was taking a blade to my wrists.

  Jess's eyes were round, her mouth hung open. Her question about suicide had been rhetorical, I realizedtoo late.

  "Go eat," I encouraged her, waving toward the fast food. I didn't like the way she looked at me. "I'llcatch up in a minute."I turned away from her, back to the men who were watching us with amused, curious eyes.

  "Bella, stop this right now!"My muscles locked into place, froze me where I stood. Because it wasn't Jessica's voice that rebukedme now. It was a furious voice, a familiar voice, a beautiful voice—soft like velvet84 even though it wasirate.

  It was his voice—I was exceptionally careful not to think his name—and I was surprised that the soundof it did not knock me to my knees, did not curl me onto the pavement in a torture of loss. But there wasno pain, none at all.

  In the instant that I heard his voice, everything was very clear. Like my head had suddenly surfaced outof some dark pool. I was more aware of everything—sight, sound, the feel of the cold air that I hadn'tnoticed was blowing sharply against my face, the smells coming from the open bar door.

  I looked around myself in shock.

  "Go back to Jessica," the lovely voice ordered, still angry. "You promised—nothing stupid."I was alone. Jessica stood a few feet from me, staring at me with frightened eyes. Against the wall, thestrangers watched, confused, wondering what I was doing, standing there motionless in the middle of thestreet.

  I shook my head, trying to understand. I knew he wasn't there, and yet, he felt improbably close, closefor the first time since… since the end. The anger in his voice was concern, the same anger that was oncevery familiar—something I hadn't heard in what felt like a lifetime.

  "Keep your promise." The voice was slipping away, as if the volume was being turned down on a radio.

  I began to suspect that I was having some kind of hallucination. Triggered, no doubt, by thememory—the deja vu, the strange familiarity of the situation.

  I ran through the possibilities quickly in my head.

  Option one: I was crazy. That was the layman's term for people who heard voices in their heads.

  Possible.

  Option two: My subconscious85 mind was giving me what it thought I wanted. This was wish fulfillment—a momentary86 relief from pain by embracing the incorrect idea that he cared whether I lived or died.

  Projecting what he would have said if A) he were here, and B) he would be in any way bothered bysomething bad happening to me.

  Probable.

  I could see no option three, so I hoped it was the second option and this was just my subconsciousrunning amuck87, rather than something I would need to be hospitalized for.

  My reaction was hardly sane88, though—I was grateful. The sound of his voice was something that I'dfeared I was losing, and so, more than anything else, I felt overwhelming gratitude that my unconsciousmind had held onto that sound better than my conscious one had.

  I was not allowed to think of him. That was something I tried to be very strict about. Of course I slipped;I was only human. But I was getting better, and so the pain was something I could avoid for days at atime now. The tradeoff was the never-ending numbness. Between pain and nothing, I'd chosen nothing.

  I waited for the pain now. I was not numb44—my senses felt unusually intense after so many months of thehaze—but the normal pain held off. The only ache was the disappointment that his voice was fading.

  There was a second of choice.

  The wise thing would be to run away from this potentially destructive—and certainly mentallyunstable—development. It would be stupid to encourage hallucinations.

  But his voice was fading.

  I took another step forward, testing.

  "Bella, turn around," he growled89.

  I sighed in relief. The anger was what I wanted to hear—false, fabricated evidence that he cared, adubious gift from my subconscious.

  Very few seconds had passed while I sorted this all out. My little audience watched, curious. It probablylooked like I was just dithering over whether or not I was going to approach them. How could they guessthat I was standing there enjoying an unexpected moment of insanity90?

  "Hi," one of the men called, his tone both confident and a bit sarcastic91. He was fair-skinned andfair-haired, and he stood with the assurance of someone who thought of himself as quite good-looking. Icouldn't tell whether he was or not. I was prejudiced.

  The voice in my head answered with an exquisite92 snarl93. I smiled, and the confident man seemed to takethat as encouragement.

  "Can I help you with something? You look lost." He grinned and winked94.

  I stepped carefully over the gutter95, running with water that was black in the darkness.

  "No. I'm not lost."Now that I was closer—and my eyes felt oddly in focus—I analyzed96 the short, dark man's face. It wasnot familiar in any way. I suffered a curious sensation of disappointment that this was not the terrible manwho had tried to hurt me almost a year ago.

   The voice in my head was quiet now.

  The short man noticed my stare. "Can I buy you a drink?" he offered, nervous, seeming flattered that I'dsingled him out to stare at.

  "I'm too young," I answered automatically.

  He was baffled—wondering why I had approached them. I felt compelled to explain.

  "From across the street, you looked like someone I knew. Sorry, my mistake."The threat that had pulled me across the street had evaporated. These were not the dangerous men Iremembered. They were probably nice guys. Safe. I lost interest.

  "That's okay," the confident blonde said. "Stay and hang out with us.""Thanks, but I can't." Jessica was hesitating in the middle of the street, her eyes wide with outrage97 andbetrayal.

  "Oh, just a few minutes."I shook my head, and turned to rejoin Jessica.

  "Let's go eat," I suggested, barely glancing at her. Though I appeared to be, for the moment, freed of thezombie abstraction, I was just as distant. My mind was preoccupied98. The safe, numb deadness did notcome back, and I got more anxious with every minute that passed without its return.

  "What were you thinking?" Jessica snapped. "You don't know them—they could have beenpsychopaths!"I shrugged, wishing she would let it go. "I just thought I knew the one guy.""You are so odd, Bella Swan. I feel like I don't know who you are.""Sorry." I didn't know what else to say to that.

  We walked to McDonald's in silence. I'd bet that she was wishing we'd taken her car instead of walkingthe short distance from the theater, so that she could use the drive-through. She was just as anxious nowfor this evening to be over as I had been from the beginning.

  I tried to start a conversation a few times while we ate, but Jessica was not cooperative. I must havereally offended her.

  When we go back in the car, she tuned99 the stereo back to her favorite station and turned the volume tooloud to allow easy conversation.

  I didn't have to struggle as hard as usual to ignore the music. Even though my mind, for once, was notcarefully numb and empty, I had too much to think about to hear the lyrics100.

  I waited for the numbness to return, or the pain. Because the pain must be coming. I'd broken mypersonal rules. Instead of shying away from the memories, I'd walked forward and greeted them. I'dheard his voice, so clearly, in my head. That was going to cost me, I was sure of it. Especially if I couldn'treclaim the haze to protect myself. I felt too alert, and that frightened me.

  But relief was still the strongest emotion in my body—relief that came from the very core of my being.

   As much as I struggled not to think of him, I did not struggle to forget. I worried—late in the night, whenthe exhaustion101 of sleep deprivation102 broke down my defenses—that it was all slipping away. That mymind was a sieve103, and I would someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel ofhis cool skin, or the texture104 of his voice. I could not think of them, but I must remember them.

  Because there was just one thing that I had to believe to be able to live—I had to know that he existed.

  That was all. Everything else I could endure. So long as he existed.

  That's why I was more trapped in Forks than I ever had been before, why I'd fought with Charlie whenhe suggested a change. Honestly, it shouldn't matter; no one was ever coming back here.

  But if I were to go to Jacksonville, or anywhere else bright and unfamiliar, how could I be sure he wasreal? In a place where I could never imagine him, the conviction might fade… and that I could not livethrough.

  Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.

  I was surprised when Jessica stopped the car in front of my house. The ride had not taken long, but,short as it seemed, I wouldn't have thought that Jessica could go that long without speaking.

  "Thanks for going out with me, Jess," I said as I opened my door. "That was…fun." I hoped that fun wasthe appropriate word.

  "Sure," she muttered.

  "I'm sorry about… after the movie.""Whatever, Bella." She glared out the windshield instead of looking at me. She seemed to be growingangrier rather than getting over it.

  "See you Monday?""Yeah. Bye."I gave up and shut the door. She drove away, still without looking at me.

  I'd forgotten her by the time I was inside.

  Charlie was waiting for me in the middle of the hall, his arms folded tight over his chest with his handsballed into fists.

  "Hey, Dad," I said absentmindedly as I ducked around Charlie, heading for the stairs. I'd been thinkingabout him for too long, and I wanted to be upstairs before it caught up with me.

  "Where have you been?" Charlie demanded.

  I looked at my dad, surprised. "I went to a movie in Port Angeles with Jessica. Like I told you thismorning.""Humph," he grunted105.

  "Is that okay?"He studied my face, his eyes widening as if he saw something unexpected. "Yeah, that's fine. Did youhavefun?" "Sure," I said. "We watched zombies eat people. It was great."His eyes narrowed.

  "'Night, Dad."He let me pass. I hurried to my room.

  I lay in my bed a few minutes later, resigned as the pain finally made its appearance.

  It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising106 mymost vital organs and leaving ragged107, unhealed gashes108 around the edges that continued to throb109 andbleed despite the passage of time. Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped110 for air andmy head spun111 like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn'thear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs112 tohold myself together. I scrambled113 for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded114 me.

  And yet, I found I could survive. I was alert, I felt the pain—the aching loss that radiated out from mychest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and head—but it was manageable. I could livethrough it. It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I'd grown strong enough to bearit.

  Whatever it was that had happened tonight—and whether it was the zombies, the adrenaline, or thehallucinations that were responsible—it had woken me up.

  For the first time in a long time, I didn't know what to expect in the morning.


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 bruise kcCyw     
n.青肿,挫伤;伤痕;vt.打青;挫伤
参考例句:
  • The bruise was caused by a kick.这伤痕是脚踢的。
  • Jack fell down yesterday and got a big bruise on his face.杰克昨天摔了一跤,脸上摔出老大一块淤斑。
2 unevenly 9fZz51     
adv.不均匀的
参考例句:
  • Fuel resources are very unevenly distributed. 燃料资源分布很不均匀。
  • The cloth is dyed unevenly. 布染花了。
3 lulls baacc61e061bb5dc81079f769426f610     
n.间歇期(lull的复数形式)vt.使镇静,使安静(lull的第三人称单数形式)
参考例句:
  • It puts our children to sleep and lulls us into a calm, dreamlike state. 摇晃能让孩子进入梦乡,也能将我们引人一种平静的、梦幻般的心境。 来自互联网
  • There were also comedy acts, impromptu skits, and DJ music to fill the lulls between acts. 也有充满在行为之间的间歇的喜剧行为,即兴之作若干,和DJ音乐。 来自互联网
4 mumbled 3855fd60b1f055fa928ebec8bcf3f539     
含糊地说某事,叽咕,咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He mumbled something to me which I did not quite catch. 他对我叽咕了几句话,可我没太听清楚。
  • George mumbled incoherently to himself. 乔治语无伦次地喃喃自语。
5 exasperation HiyzX     
n.愤慨
参考例句:
  • He snorted with exasperation.他愤怒地哼了一声。
  • She rolled her eyes in sheer exasperation.她气急败坏地转动着眼珠。
6 crumple DYIzK     
v.把...弄皱,满是皱痕,压碎,崩溃
参考例句:
  • Take care not to crumple your dress by packing it carelessly.当心不要因收放粗心压纵你的衣服。
  • The wall was likely to crumple up at any time.墙随时可能坍掉。
7 leftovers AprzGJ     
n.剩余物,残留物,剩菜
参考例句:
  • He can do miracles with a few kitchen leftovers.他能用厨房里几样剩饭做出一顿美餐。
  • She made supper from leftovers she had thrown together.她用吃剩的食物拼凑成一顿晚饭。
8 scowling bbce79e9f38ff2b7862d040d9e2c1dc7     
怒视,生气地皱眉( scowl的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • There she was, grey-suited, sweet-faced, demure, but scowling. 她就在那里,穿着灰色的衣服,漂亮的脸上显得严肃而忧郁。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹
  • Scowling, Chueh-hui bit his lips. 他马上把眉毛竖起来。 来自汉英文学 - 家(1-26) - 家(1-26)
9 eyebrows a0e6fb1330e9cfecfd1c7a4d00030ed5     
眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • Eyebrows stop sweat from coming down into the eyes. 眉毛挡住汗水使其不能流进眼睛。
  • His eyebrows project noticeably. 他的眉毛特别突出。
10 tuning 8700ed4820c703ee62c092f05901ecfc     
n.调谐,调整,调音v.调音( tune的现在分词 );调整;(给收音机、电视等)调谐;使协调
参考例句:
  • They are tuning up a plane on the flight line. 他们正在机场的飞机跑道上调试一架飞机。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The orchestra are tuning up. 管弦乐队在定弦。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
11 moroseness 5d8d329c1eb6db34f6b3ec3d460b2e65     
参考例句:
  • Mr Heathcliff followed, his accidental merriment expiring quickly in his habitual moroseness. 希刺克厉夫先生跟在后面,他的偶尔的欢乐很快地消散,又恢复他的习惯的阴郁了。 来自互联网
12 grudgingly grudgingly     
参考例句:
  • He grudgingly acknowledged having made a mistake. 他勉强承认他做错了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Their parents unwillingly [grudgingly] consented to the marriage. 他们的父母无可奈何地应允了这门亲事。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
13 accusation GJpyf     
n.控告,指责,谴责
参考例句:
  • I was furious at his making such an accusation.我对他的这种责备非常气愤。
  • She knew that no one would believe her accusation.她知道没人会相信她的指控。
14 animation UMdyv     
n.活泼,兴奋,卡通片/动画片的制作
参考例句:
  • They are full of animation as they talked about their childhood.当他们谈及童年的往事时都非常兴奋。
  • The animation of China made a great progress.中国的卡通片制作取得很大发展。
15 scrutinizing fa5efd6c6f21a204fe4a260c9977c6ad     
v.仔细检查,详审( scrutinize的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • His grandfather's stern eyes were scrutinizing him, and Chueh-hui felt his face reddening. 祖父的严厉的眼光射在他的脸上。 来自汉英文学 - 家(1-26) - 家(1-26)
  • The machine hushed, extraction and injection nozzles poised, scrutinizing its targets. 机器“嘘”地一声静了下来,输入输出管道各就各位,检查着它的目标。 来自互联网
16 grimace XQVza     
v.做鬼脸,面部歪扭
参考例句:
  • The boy stole a look at his father with grimace.那男孩扮着鬼脸偷看了他父亲一眼。
  • Thomas made a grimace after he had tasted the wine.托马斯尝了那葡萄酒后做了个鬼脸。
17 inhaled 1072d9232d676d367b2f48410158ae32     
v.吸入( inhale的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. 她合上双眼,深深吸了一口气。
  • Janet inhaled sharply when she saw him. 珍妮特看到他时猛地吸了口气。 来自《简明英汉词典》
18 pointed Il8zB4     
adj.尖的,直截了当的
参考例句:
  • He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
  • She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。
19 obstinate m0dy6     
adj.顽固的,倔强的,不易屈服的,较难治愈的
参考例句:
  • She's too obstinate to let anyone help her.她太倔强了,不会让任何人帮她的。
  • The trader was obstinate in the negotiation.这个商人在谈判中拗强固执。
20 frustrated ksWz5t     
adj.挫败的,失意的,泄气的v.使不成功( frustrate的过去式和过去分词 );挫败;使受挫折;令人沮丧
参考例句:
  • It's very easy to get frustrated in this job. 这个工作很容易令人懊恼。
  • The bad weather frustrated all our hopes of going out. 恶劣的天气破坏了我们出行的愿望。 来自《简明英汉词典》
21 dense aONzX     
a.密集的,稠密的,浓密的;密度大的
参考例句:
  • The general ambushed his troops in the dense woods. 将军把部队埋伏在浓密的树林里。
  • The path was completely covered by the dense foliage. 小路被树叶厚厚地盖了一层。
22 miserable g18yk     
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的
参考例句:
  • It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他,这是可耻的。
  • Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。
23 contemplate PaXyl     
vt.盘算,计议;周密考虑;注视,凝视
参考例句:
  • The possibility of war is too horrifying to contemplate.战争的可能性太可怕了,真不堪细想。
  • The consequences would be too ghastly to contemplate.后果不堪设想。
24 glowered a6eb2c77ae3214b63cde004e1d79bc7f     
v.怒视( glower的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He just glowered without speaking. 他一言不发地皱眉怒视我。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He glowered at me but said nothing. 他怒视着我,却一言不发。 来自辞典例句
25 utterly ZfpzM1     
adv.完全地,绝对地
参考例句:
  • Utterly devoted to the people,he gave his life in saving his patients.他忠于人民,把毕生精力用于挽救患者的生命。
  • I was utterly ravished by the way she smiled.她的微笑使我完全陶醉了。
26 standing 2hCzgo     
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的
参考例句:
  • After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
  • They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。
27 strapped ec484d13545e19c0939d46e2d1eb24bc     
adj.用皮带捆住的,用皮带装饰的;身无分文的;缺钱;手头紧v.用皮带捆扎(strap的过去式和过去分词);用皮带抽打;包扎;给…打绷带
参考例句:
  • Make sure that the child is strapped tightly into the buggy. 一定要把孩子牢牢地拴在婴儿车上。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The soldiers' great coats were strapped on their packs. 战士们的厚大衣扎捆在背包上。 来自《简明英汉词典》
28 accusations 3e7158a2ffc2cb3d02e77822c38c959b     
n.指责( accusation的名词复数 );指控;控告;(被告发、控告的)罪名
参考例句:
  • There were accusations of plagiarism. 曾有过关于剽窃的指控。
  • He remained unruffled by their accusations. 对于他们的指控他处之泰然。
29 calculus Is9zM     
n.微积分;结石
参考例句:
  • This is a problem where calculus won't help at all.对于这一题,微积分一点也用不上。
  • After studying differential calculus you will be able to solve these mathematical problems.学了微积分之后,你们就能够解这些数学题了。
30 aisle qxPz3     
n.(教堂、教室、戏院等里的)过道,通道
参考例句:
  • The aisle was crammed with people.过道上挤满了人。
  • The girl ushered me along the aisle to my seat.引座小姐带领我沿着通道到我的座位上去。
31 trudged e830eb9ac9fd5a70bf67387e070a9616     
vt.& vi.跋涉,吃力地走(trudge的过去式与过去分词形式)
参考例句:
  • He trudged the last two miles to the town. 他步履艰难地走完最后两英里到了城里。
  • He trudged wearily along the path. 他沿着小路疲惫地走去。 来自《简明英汉词典》
32 procrastinating 071016597ffad9d4396b4a6abff1d0c5     
拖延,耽搁( procrastinate的现在分词 ); 拖拉
参考例句:
  • Begin while others are procrastinating. Save while others are wasting. 当别人拖延时你开始。当别人浪费时你节约。
  • Before adjourning, councillors must stop procrastinating and revisit this controversial issue. 在休会之前,参议员必须停止拖延,重新讨论这个引起争议的问题。
33 mileage doOzUs     
n.里程,英里数;好处,利润
参考例句:
  • He doesn't think there's any mileage in that type of advertising.他认为做那种广告毫无效益。
  • What mileage has your car done?你的汽车跑了多少英里?
34 tempting wgAzd4     
a.诱人的, 吸引人的
参考例句:
  • It is tempting to idealize the past. 人都爱把过去的日子说得那么美好。
  • It was a tempting offer. 这是个诱人的提议。
35 grimaced 5f3f78dc835e71266975d0c281dceae8     
v.扮鬼相,做鬼脸( grimace的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He grimaced at the bitter taste. 他一尝那苦味,做了个怪相。
  • She grimaced at the sight of all the work. 她一看到这么多的工作就皱起了眉头。 来自《简明英汉词典》
36 innocence ZbizC     
n.无罪;天真;无害
参考例句:
  • There was a touching air of innocence about the boy.这个男孩有一种令人感动的天真神情。
  • The accused man proved his innocence of the crime.被告人经证实无罪。
37 tricky 9fCzyd     
adj.狡猾的,奸诈的;(工作等)棘手的,微妙的
参考例句:
  • I'm in a rather tricky position.Can you help me out?我的处境很棘手,你能帮我吗?
  • He avoided this tricky question and talked in generalities.他回避了这个非常微妙的问题,只做了个笼统的表述。
38 promising BkQzsk     
adj.有希望的,有前途的
参考例句:
  • The results of the experiments are very promising.实验的结果充满了希望。
  • We're trying to bring along one or two promising young swimmers.我们正设法培养出一两名有前途的年轻游泳选手。
39 friendliness nsHz8c     
n.友谊,亲切,亲密
参考例句:
  • Behind the mask of friendliness,I know he really dislikes me.在友善的面具后面,我知道他其实并不喜欢我。
  • His manner was a blend of friendliness and respect.他的态度友善且毕恭毕敬。
40 minimal ODjx6     
adj.尽可能少的,最小的
参考例句:
  • They referred to this kind of art as minimal art.他们把这种艺术叫微型艺术。
  • I stayed with friends, so my expenses were minimal.我住在朋友家,所以我的花费很小。
41 haze O5wyb     
n.霾,烟雾;懵懂,迷糊;vi.(over)变模糊
参考例句:
  • I couldn't see her through the haze of smoke.在烟雾弥漫中,我看不见她。
  • He often lives in a haze of whisky.他常常是在威士忌的懵懂醉意中度过的。
42 blurred blurred     
v.(使)变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 );(使)难以区分;模模糊糊;迷离
参考例句:
  • She suffered from dizziness and blurred vision. 她饱受头晕目眩之苦。
  • Their lazy, blurred voices fell pleasantly on his ears. 他们那种慢吞吞、含糊不清的声音在他听起来却很悦耳。 来自《简明英汉词典》
43 blur JtgzC     
n.模糊不清的事物;vt.使模糊,使看不清楚
参考例句:
  • The houses appeared as a blur in the mist.房子在薄雾中隐隐约约看不清。
  • If you move your eyes and your head,the picture will blur.如果你的眼睛或头动了,图像就会变得模糊不清。
44 numb 0RIzK     
adj.麻木的,失去感觉的;v.使麻木
参考例句:
  • His fingers were numb with cold.他的手冻得发麻。
  • Numb with cold,we urged the weary horses forward.我们冻得发僵,催着疲惫的马继续往前走。
45 numbness BmTzzc     
n.无感觉,麻木,惊呆
参考例句:
  • She was fighting off the numbness of frostbite. 她在竭力摆脱冻僵的感觉。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Sometimes they stay dead, causing' only numbness. 有时,它们没有任何反应,只会造成麻木。 来自时文部分
46 bloody kWHza     
adj.非常的的;流血的;残忍的;adv.很;vt.血染
参考例句:
  • He got a bloody nose in the fight.他在打斗中被打得鼻子流血。
  • He is a bloody fool.他是一个十足的笨蛋。
47 honking 69e32168087f0fd692f761e62a361acf     
v.(使)发出雁叫似的声音,鸣(喇叭),按(喇叭)( honk的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • Cars zoomed helter-skelter, honking belligerently. 大街上来往车辆穿梭不停,喇叭声刺耳。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Flocks of honking geese flew past. 雁群嗷嗷地飞过。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
48 gratitude p6wyS     
adj.感激,感谢
参考例句:
  • I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
  • She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。
49 halfway Xrvzdq     
adj.中途的,不彻底的,部分的;adv.半路地,在中途,在半途
参考例句:
  • We had got only halfway when it began to get dark.走到半路,天就黑了。
  • In study the worst danger is give up halfway.在学习上,最忌讳的是有始无终。
50 shrugged 497904474a48f991a3d1961b0476ebce     
vt.耸肩(shrug的过去式与过去分词形式)
参考例句:
  • Sam shrugged and said nothing. 萨姆耸耸肩膀,什么也没说。
  • She shrugged, feigning nonchalance. 她耸耸肩,装出一副无所谓的样子。 来自《简明英汉词典》
51 peeked c7b2fdc08abef3a4f4992d9023ed9bb8     
v.很快地看( peek的过去式和过去分词 );偷看;窥视;微露出
参考例句:
  • She peeked over the top of her menu. 她从菜单上往外偷看。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • On two occasions she had peeked at him through a crack in the wall. 她曾两次透过墙缝窥视他。 来自辞典例句
52 squinted aaf7c56a51bf19a5f429b7a9ddca2e9b     
斜视( squint的过去式和过去分词 ); 眯着眼睛; 瞟; 从小孔或缝隙里看
参考例句:
  • Pulling his rifle to his shoulder he squinted along the barrel. 他把枪顶肩,眯起眼睛瞄准。
  • I squinted through the keyhole. 我从锁眼窥看。
53 tune NmnwW     
n.调子;和谐,协调;v.调音,调节,调整
参考例句:
  • He'd written a tune,and played it to us on the piano.他写了一段曲子,并在钢琴上弹给我们听。
  • The boy beat out a tune on a tin can.那男孩在易拉罐上敲出一首曲子。
54 groaned 1a076da0ddbd778a674301b2b29dff71     
v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 );发牢骚;抱怨;受苦
参考例句:
  • He groaned in anguish. 他痛苦地呻吟。
  • The cart groaned under the weight of the piano. 大车在钢琴的重压下嘎吱作响。 来自《简明英汉词典》
55 animated Cz7zMa     
adj.生气勃勃的,活跃的,愉快的
参考例句:
  • His observations gave rise to an animated and lively discussion.他的言论引起了一场气氛热烈而活跃的讨论。
  • We had an animated discussion over current events last evening.昨天晚上我们热烈地讨论时事。
56 gasping gasping     
adj. 气喘的, 痉挛的 动词gasp的现在分词
参考例句:
  • He was gasping for breath. 他在喘气。
  • "Did you need a drink?""Yes, I'm gasping!” “你要喝点什么吗?”“我巴不得能喝点!”
57 prodding 9b15bc515206c1e6f0559445c7a4a109     
v.刺,戳( prod的现在分词 );刺激;促使;(用手指或尖物)戳
参考例句:
  • He needed no prodding. 他不用督促。
  • The boy is prodding the animal with a needle. 那男孩正用一根针刺那动物。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
58 twilight gKizf     
n.暮光,黄昏;暮年,晚期,衰落时期
参考例句:
  • Twilight merged into darkness.夕阳的光辉融于黑暗中。
  • Twilight was sweet with the smell of lilac and freshly turned earth.薄暮充满紫丁香和新翻耕的泥土的香味。
59 hissed 2299e1729bbc7f56fc2559e409d6e8a7     
发嘶嘶声( hiss的过去式和过去分词 ); 发嘘声表示反对
参考例句:
  • Have you ever been hissed at in the middle of a speech? 你在演讲中有没有被嘘过?
  • The iron hissed as it pressed the wet cloth. 熨斗压在湿布上时发出了嘶嘶声。
60 desperately cu7znp     
adv.极度渴望地,绝望地,孤注一掷地
参考例句:
  • He was desperately seeking a way to see her again.他正拼命想办法再见她一面。
  • He longed desperately to be back at home.他非常渴望回家。
61 popcorn 8lUzJI     
n.爆米花
参考例句:
  • I like to eat popcorn when I am watching TV play at home.当我在家观看电视剧时,喜欢吃爆米花。
  • He still stood behind his cash register stuffing his mouth with popcorn.他仍站在收银机后,嘴里塞满了爆米花。
62 concession LXryY     
n.让步,妥协;特许(权)
参考例句:
  • We can not make heavy concession to the matter.我们在这个问题上不能过于让步。
  • That is a great concession.这是很大的让步。
63 decided lvqzZd     
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的
参考例句:
  • This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
  • There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。
64 horrified 8rUzZU     
a.(表现出)恐惧的
参考例句:
  • The whole country was horrified by the killings. 全国都对这些凶杀案感到大为震惊。
  • We were horrified at the conditions prevailing in local prisons. 地方监狱的普遍状况让我们震惊。
65 dwindling f139f57690cdca2d2214f172b39dc0b9     
adj.逐渐减少的v.逐渐变少或变小( dwindle的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • The number of wild animals on the earth is dwindling. 地球上野生动物的数量正日渐减少。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He is struggling to come to terms with his dwindling authority. 他正努力适应自己权力被削弱这一局面。 来自辞典例句
66 forth Hzdz2     
adv.向前;向外,往外
参考例句:
  • The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
  • He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。
67 irony P4WyZ     
n.反语,冷嘲;具有讽刺意味的事,嘲弄
参考例句:
  • She said to him with slight irony.她略带嘲讽地对他说。
  • In her voice we could sense a certain tinge of irony.从她的声音里我们可以感到某种讥讽的意味。
68 mythical 4FrxJ     
adj.神话的;虚构的;想像的
参考例句:
  • Undeniably,he is a man of mythical status.不可否认,他是一个神话般的人物。
  • Their wealth is merely mythical.他们的财富完全是虚构的。
69 grotesque O6ryZ     
adj.怪诞的,丑陋的;n.怪诞的图案,怪人(物)
参考例句:
  • His face has a grotesque appearance.他的面部表情十分怪。
  • Her account of the incident was a grotesque distortion of the truth.她对这件事的陈述是荒诞地歪曲了事实。
70 inevitable 5xcyq     
adj.不可避免的,必然发生的
参考例句:
  • Mary was wearing her inevitable large hat.玛丽戴着她总是戴的那顶大帽子。
  • The defeat had inevitable consequences for British policy.战败对英国政策不可避免地产生了影响。
71 gushed de5babf66f69bac96b526188524783de     
v.喷,涌( gush的过去式和过去分词 );滔滔不绝地说话
参考例句:
  • Oil gushed from the well. 石油从井口喷了出来。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • Clear water gushed into the irrigational channel. 清澈的水涌进了灌溉渠道。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
72 vaguely BfuzOy     
adv.含糊地,暖昧地
参考例句:
  • He had talked vaguely of going to work abroad.他含糊其词地说了到国外工作的事。
  • He looked vaguely before him with unseeing eyes.他迷迷糊糊的望着前面,对一切都视而不见。
73 babbling babbling     
n.胡说,婴儿发出的咿哑声adj.胡说的v.喋喋不休( babble的现在分词 );作潺潺声(如流水);含糊不清地说话;泄漏秘密
参考例句:
  • I could hear the sound of a babbling brook. 我听得见小溪潺潺的流水声。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Infamy was babbling around her in the public market-place. 在公共市场上,她周围泛滥着对她丑行的种种议论。 来自英汉文学 - 红字
74 darted d83f9716cd75da6af48046d29f4dd248     
v.投掷,投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 );向前冲,飞奔
参考例句:
  • The lizard darted out its tongue at the insect. 蜥蜴伸出舌头去吃小昆虫。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The old man was displeased and darted an angry look at me. 老人不高兴了,瞪了我一眼。 来自《简明英汉词典》
75 lining kpgzTO     
n.衬里,衬料
参考例句:
  • The lining of my coat is torn.我的外套衬里破了。
  • Moss makes an attractive lining to wire baskets.用苔藓垫在铁丝篮里很漂亮。
76 propped 557c00b5b2517b407d1d2ef6ba321b0e     
支撑,支持,维持( prop的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He sat propped up in the bed by pillows. 他靠着枕头坐在床上。
  • This fence should be propped up. 这栅栏该用东西支一支。
77 fixed JsKzzj     
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的
参考例句:
  • Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗?
  • Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定,我们就不应该随意改变。
78 wary JMEzk     
adj.谨慎的,机警的,小心的
参考例句:
  • He is wary of telling secrets to others.他谨防向他人泄露秘密。
  • Paula frowned,suddenly wary.宝拉皱了皱眉头,突然警惕起来。
79 knuckles c726698620762d88f738be4a294fae79     
n.(指人)指关节( knuckle的名词复数 );(指动物)膝关节,踝v.(指人)指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 );(指动物)膝关节,踝
参考例句:
  • He gripped the wheel until his knuckles whitened. 他紧紧握住方向盘,握得指关节都变白了。
  • Her thin hands were twisted by swollen knuckles. 她那双纤手因肿大的指关节而变了形。 来自《简明英汉词典》
80 unfamiliar uk6w4     
adj.陌生的,不熟悉的
参考例句:
  • I am unfamiliar with the place and the people here.我在这儿人地生疏。
  • The man seemed unfamiliar to me.这人很面生。
81 veins 65827206226d9e2d78ea2bfe697c6329     
n.纹理;矿脉( vein的名词复数 );静脉;叶脉;纹理
参考例句:
  • The blood flows from the capillaries back into the veins. 血从毛细血管流回静脉。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • I felt a pleasant glow in all my veins from the wine. 喝过酒后我浑身的血都热烘烘的,感到很舒服。 来自《简明英汉词典》
82 defensive buszxy     
adj.防御的;防卫的;防守的
参考例句:
  • Their questions about the money put her on the defensive.他们问到钱的问题,使她警觉起来。
  • The Government hastily organized defensive measures against the raids.政府急忙布置了防卫措施抵御空袭。
83 guilt 9e6xr     
n.犯罪;内疚;过失,罪责
参考例句:
  • She tried to cover up her guilt by lying.她企图用谎言掩饰自己的罪行。
  • Don't lay a guilt trip on your child about schoolwork.别因为功课责备孩子而使他觉得很内疚。
84 velvet 5gqyO     
n.丝绒,天鹅绒;adj.丝绒制的,柔软的
参考例句:
  • This material feels like velvet.这料子摸起来像丝绒。
  • The new settlers wore the finest silk and velvet clothing.新来的移民穿着最华丽的丝绸和天鹅绒衣服。
85 subconscious Oqryw     
n./adj.潜意识(的),下意识(的)
参考例句:
  • Nail biting is often a subconscious reaction to tension.咬指甲通常是紧张时的下意识反映。
  • My answer seemed to come from the subconscious.我的回答似乎出自下意识。
86 momentary hj3ya     
adj.片刻的,瞬息的;短暂的
参考例句:
  • We are in momentary expectation of the arrival of you.我们无时无刻不在盼望你的到来。
  • I caught a momentary glimpse of them.我瞥了他们一眼。
87 amuck lLFyK     
ad.狂乱地
参考例句:
  • The sea ran amuck.海上风暴肆虐。
  • The scoundrels who ran amuck will be severely punished.横行无忌的歹徒将受到严惩。
88 sane 9YZxB     
adj.心智健全的,神志清醒的,明智的,稳健的
参考例句:
  • He was sane at the time of the murder.在凶杀案发生时他的神志是清醒的。
  • He is a very sane person.他是一个很有头脑的人。
89 growled 65a0c9cac661e85023a63631d6dab8a3     
v.(动物)发狺狺声, (雷)作隆隆声( growl的过去式和过去分词 );低声咆哮着说
参考例句:
  • \"They ought to be birched, \" growled the old man. 老人咆哮道:“他们应受到鞭打。” 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He growled out an answer. 他低声威胁着回答。 来自《简明英汉词典》
90 insanity H6xxf     
n.疯狂,精神错乱;极端的愚蠢,荒唐
参考例句:
  • In his defense he alleged temporary insanity.他伪称一时精神错乱,为自己辩解。
  • He remained in his cell,and this visit only increased the belief in his insanity.他依旧还是住在他的地牢里,这次视察只是更加使人相信他是个疯子了。
91 sarcastic jCIzJ     
adj.讥讽的,讽刺的,嘲弄的
参考例句:
  • I squashed him with a sarcastic remark.我说了一句讽刺的话把他给镇住了。
  • She poked fun at people's shortcomings with sarcastic remarks.她冷嘲热讽地拿别人的缺点开玩笑。
92 exquisite zhez1     
adj.精美的;敏锐的;剧烈的,感觉强烈的
参考例句:
  • I was admiring the exquisite workmanship in the mosaic.我当时正在欣赏镶嵌画的精致做工。
  • I still remember the exquisite pleasure I experienced in Bali.我依然记得在巴厘岛所经历的那种剧烈的快感。
93 snarl 8FAzv     
v.吼叫,怒骂,纠缠,混乱;n.混乱,缠结,咆哮
参考例句:
  • At the seaside we could hear the snarl of the waves.在海边我们可以听见波涛的咆哮。
  • The traffic was all in a snarl near the accident.事故发生处附近交通一片混乱。
94 winked af6ada503978fa80fce7e5d109333278     
v.使眼色( wink的过去式和过去分词 );递眼色(表示友好或高兴等);(指光)闪烁;闪亮
参考例句:
  • He winked at her and she knew he was thinking the same thing that she was. 他冲她眨了眨眼,她便知道他的想法和她一样。
  • He winked his eyes at her and left the classroom. 他向她眨巴一下眼睛走出了教室。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
95 gutter lexxk     
n.沟,街沟,水槽,檐槽,贫民窟
参考例句:
  • There's a cigarette packet thrown into the gutter.阴沟里有个香烟盒。
  • He picked her out of the gutter and made her a great lady.他使她脱离贫苦生活,并成为贵妇。
96 analyzed 483f1acae53789fbee273a644fdcda80     
v.分析( analyze的过去式和过去分词 );分解;解释;对…进行心理分析
参考例句:
  • The doctors analyzed the blood sample for anemia. 医生们分析了贫血的血样。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The young man did not analyze the process of his captivation and enrapturement, for love to him was a mystery and could not be analyzed. 这年轻人没有分析自己蛊惑著迷的过程,因为对他来说,爱是个不可分析的迷。 来自《简明英汉词典》
97 outrage hvOyI     
n.暴行,侮辱,愤怒;vt.凌辱,激怒
参考例句:
  • When he heard the news he reacted with a sense of outrage.他得悉此事时义愤填膺。
  • We should never forget the outrage committed by the Japanese invaders.我们永远都不应该忘记日本侵略者犯下的暴行。
98 preoccupied TPBxZ     
adj.全神贯注的,入神的;被抢先占有的;心事重重的v.占据(某人)思想,使对…全神贯注,使专心于( preoccupy的过去式)
参考例句:
  • He was too preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice anything wrong. 他只顾想着心事,没注意到有什么不对。
  • The question of going to the Mount Tai preoccupied his mind. 去游泰山的问题盘踞在他心头。 来自《简明英汉词典》
99 tuned b40b43fd5af2db4fbfeb4e83856e4876     
adj.调谐的,已调谐的v.调音( tune的过去式和过去分词 );调整;(给收音机、电视等)调谐;使协调
参考例句:
  • The resort is tuned in to the tastes of young and old alike. 这个度假胜地适合各种口味,老少皆宜。
  • The instruments should be tuned up before each performance. 每次演出开始前都应将乐器调好音。 来自《简明英汉词典》
100 lyrics ko5zoz     
n.歌词
参考例句:
  • music and lyrics by Rodgers and Hart 由罗杰斯和哈特作词作曲
  • The book contains lyrics and guitar tablatures for over 100 songs. 这本书有100多首歌的歌词和吉他奏法谱。
101 exhaustion OPezL     
n.耗尽枯竭,疲惫,筋疲力尽,竭尽,详尽无遗的论述
参考例句:
  • She slept the sleep of exhaustion.她因疲劳而酣睡。
  • His exhaustion was obvious when he fell asleep standing.他站着睡着了,显然是太累了。
102 deprivation e9Uy7     
n.匮乏;丧失;夺去,贫困
参考例句:
  • Many studies make it clear that sleep deprivation is dangerous.多实验都证实了睡眠被剥夺是危险的。
  • Missing the holiday was a great deprivation.错过假日是极大的损失。
103 sieve wEDy4     
n.筛,滤器,漏勺
参考例句:
  • We often shake flour through a sieve.我们经常用筛子筛面粉。
  • Finally,it is like drawing water with a sieve.到头来,竹篮打水一场空。
104 texture kpmwQ     
n.(织物)质地;(材料)构造;结构;肌理
参考例句:
  • We could feel the smooth texture of silk.我们能感觉出丝绸的光滑质地。
  • Her skin has a fine texture.她的皮肤细腻。
105 grunted f18a3a8ced1d857427f2252db2abbeaf     
(猪等)作呼噜声( grunt的过去式和过去分词 ); (指人)发出类似的哼声; 咕哝着说
参考例句:
  • She just grunted, not deigning to look up from the page. 她只咕哝了一声,继续看书,不屑抬起头来看一眼。
  • She grunted some incomprehensible reply. 她咕噜着回答了些令人费解的话。
106 excising 034eb560dd3a2ff6c40d1328f2141090     
v.切除,删去( excise的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • The censor insisted on excising the passage from the film. 电影审查员坚持剪去影片的这一段。 来自辞典例句
  • This contradiction embodied uncertain life value idea and excising state. 在这种矛盾冲突中又体现了不确定性的人生价值观和生存处境。 来自互联网
107 ragged KC0y8     
adj.衣衫褴褛的,粗糙的,刺耳的
参考例句:
  • A ragged shout went up from the small crowd.这一小群人发出了刺耳的喊叫。
  • Ragged clothing infers poverty.破衣烂衫意味着贫穷。
108 gashes c47356e9b4a1b65a7a1a7da7498c6257     
n.深长的切口(或伤口)( gash的名词复数 )v.划伤,割破( gash的第三人称单数 )
参考例句:
  • The classmates' hearts ached for him and they begged him to wear gloves to prevent any more gashes. 同学们都心疼他,劝他干活时戴上手套,免得再弄破手。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He stripped himself, and I counted twenty-seven separate scars and gashes. 他脱去衣服,我在他身上数出了二十七处瘢痕和深深的伤口。 来自辞典例句
109 throb aIrzV     
v.震颤,颤动;(急速强烈地)跳动,搏动
参考例句:
  • She felt her heart give a great throb.她感到自己的心怦地跳了一下。
  • The drums seemed to throb in his ears.阵阵鼓声彷佛在他耳边震响。
110 gasped e6af294d8a7477229d6749fa9e8f5b80     
v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 );喘息;倒抽气;很想要
参考例句:
  • She gasped at the wonderful view. 如此美景使她惊讶得屏住了呼吸。
  • People gasped with admiration at the superb skill of the gymnasts. 体操运动员的高超技艺令人赞叹。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
111 spun kvjwT     
v.纺,杜撰,急转身
参考例句:
  • His grandmother spun him a yarn at the fire.他奶奶在火炉边给他讲故事。
  • Her skilful fingers spun the wool out to a fine thread.她那灵巧的手指把羊毛纺成了细毛线。
112 ribs 24fc137444401001077773555802b280     
n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 );(船或屋顶等的)肋拱;肋骨状的东西;(织物的)凸条花纹
参考例句:
  • He suffered cracked ribs and bruising. 他断了肋骨还有挫伤。
  • Make a small incision below the ribs. 在肋骨下方切开一个小口。
113 scrambled 2e4a1c533c25a82f8e80e696225a73f2     
v.快速爬行( scramble的过去式和过去分词 );攀登;争夺;(军事飞机)紧急起飞
参考例句:
  • Each scrambled for the football at the football ground. 足球场上你争我夺。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • He scrambled awkwardly to his feet. 他笨拙地爬起身来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
114 evaded 4b636015da21a66943b43217559e0131     
逃避( evade的过去式和过去分词 ); 避开; 回避; 想不出
参考例句:
  • For two weeks they evaded the press. 他们有两周一直避而不见记者。
  • The lion evaded the hunter. 那狮子躲开了猎人。


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