I did not see much of Jasper’s guests for the two sunny days that they were in Forks. Ionly went home at all so that Esme wouldn’t worry. Otherwise, my existence seemedmore like that of a specter than a vampire1. I hovered2, invisible in the shadows, where Icould follow the object of my love and obsession—where I could see her and hear her inthe minds of the lucky humans who could walk through the sunlight beside her,sometimes accidentally brushing the back of her hand with their own. She never reactedto such contact; their hands were just as warm as hers.
The enforced absence from school had never been a trial like this before. But thesun seemed to make her happy, so I could not resent it too much. Anything that pleasedher was in my good graces.
Monday morning, I eavesdropped3 on a conversation that had the potential todestroy my confidence and make the time spent away from her a torture. As it ended up,though, it rather made my day.
I had to feel some little respect for Mike Newton; he had not simply given up andslunk away to nurse his wounds. He had more bravery than I’d given him credit for. Hewas going to try again.
Bella got to school quite early and, seeming intent on enjoying the sun while itlasted, sat at one of the seldom used picnic benches while she waited for the first bell toring. Her hair caught the sun in unexpected ways, giving off a reddish shine that I hadnot anticipated.
Mike found her there, doodling again, and was thrilled at his good luck.
It was agonizing4 to only be able to watch, powerless, bound to the forest’sshadows by the bright sunlight.
She greeted him with enough enthusiasm to make him ecstatic, and me theopposite.
See, she likes me. She wouldn’t smile like that if she didn’t. I bet she wanted togo to the dance with me. Wonder what’s so important in Seattle… He perceived the change in her hair. “I never noticed before—your hair has red init.”
I accidentally uprooted5 the young spruce tree my hand was resting on when hepinched a strand6 of her hair between his fingers.
“Only in the sun,” she said. To my deep satisfaction, she cringed away from himslightly when he tucked the strand behind her ear.
It took Mike a minute to build up his courage, wasting some time on small talk.
She reminded him of the essay we all had due on Wednesday. From the faintlysmug expression on her face, hers was already done. He’d forgotten altogether, and thatseverely diminished his free time.
Dang—stupid essay.
Finally he got to the point—my teeth were clenched7 so hard they could havepulverized granite—and even then, he couldn’t make himself ask the question outright8.
“I was going to ask if you wanted to go out.”
“Oh,” she said.
There was a brief silence.
Oh? What does that mean? Is she going to yes? Wait—I guess I didn’t reallyask.
He swallowed hard.
“Well, we could go to dinner or something…and I could work on it later.”
Stupid—that wasn’t a question either.
“Mike…”
The agony and fury of my jealousy9 was every whit10 as powerful as it had been lastweek. I broke another tree trying to hold myself here. I wanted so badly to race acrossthe campus, too fast for human eyes, and snatch her up—to steal her away from the boythat I hated so much in this moment I could have kill him and enjoyed it.
Would she say yes to him?
“I don’t think that would be the best idea.”
I breathed again. My rigid11 body relaxed.
Seattle was just an excuse, after all. Shouldn’t have asked. What was I thinking?
Bet it’s that freak, Cullen… “Why?” he asked sullenly12.
“I think…” she hesitated. “And if you ever repeat what I’m saying right now Iwill cheerfully beat you to death—”
I laughed out loud at the sound of a death threat coming through her lips. A jayshrieked, startled, and launched itself away from me.
“But I think that would hurt Jessica’s feelings.”
“Jessica?” What? But… Oh. Okay. I guess… So… Huh.
His thoughts were no longer coherent.
“Really, Mike, are you blind?”
I echoed her sentiment. She shouldn’t expect everyone to be as perceptive13 as shewas, but really this instance was beyond obvious. With as much trouble as Mike had hadworking himself up to ask Bella out, did he imagine it wasn’t just as difficult for Jessica?
It must be selfishness that made him blind to others. And Bella was so unselfish, she saweverything.
Jessica. Huh. Wow. Huh. “Oh,” he managed to say.
Bella used his confusion to make her exit.
“It’s time for class, and I can’t be late again.”
Mike became an unreliable viewpoint from then on. He found, as he turned theidea of Jessica around and around in his head, that he rather liked the thought of herfinding him attractive. It was second place, not as good as if Bella had felt that way.
She’s cute, though, I guess. Decent body. A bird in the hand…He was off then, on to new fantasies that were just as vulgar as the ones aboutBella, but now they only irritated rather than infuriated. How little he deserved eithergirl; they were almost interchangeable to him. I stayed clear of his head after that.
When she was out of sight, I curled up against the cool trunk of an enormousmadrone tree and I danced from mind to mind, keeping her in sight, always glad whenAngela Weber was available to look through. I wished there was someway to thank theWeber girl for simply being a nice person. It made me feel better to think that Bella hadone friend worth having.
I watched Bella’s face from whichever angle I was given, and I could see that shewas sad again. This surprised me—I thought the sun would be enough to keep her. smiling. At lunch, I saw her glance time and time again toward the empty Cullen table,and that thrilled me. It gave me hope. Perhaps she missed me, too.
She had plans to go out with the other girls—I automatically planned my ownsurveillance—but these plans were postponed14 when Mike invited Jessica out on the datehe’d planned for Bella.
So I went straight to her home instead, doing a quick sweep of the woods to makesure no one dangerous had wandered too close. I knew Jasper had warned his one-timebrother to avoid the town—citing my insanity15 as both explanation and warning—but Iwasn’t taking any chances. Peter and Charlotte had no intention of causing animositywith my family, but intentions were changeable things…All right, I was overdoing17 it. I knew that.
As if she knew I was watching, as if she took pity on the agony I felt when Icouldn’t see her, Bella came out to the backyard after a long hour indoors. She had abook in her hand and a blanket under her arm.
Silently, I climbed into the higher branches of the closest tree overlooking theyard.
She spread the blanket on the damp grass and then lay on her stomach and startedflipping through the worn book, as if trying to find her place. I read over her shoulder.
Ah—more classics. She was an Austen fan.
She read quickly, crossing and recrossing her ankles in the air. I was watchingthe sunlight and wind play in her hair when her body suddenly stiffened18, and her handfroze on the page. All I saw was that she’d reached chapter three when she roughlygrabbed a thick section of pages and shoved them over.
I caught a glance of a title page, Mansfield Park. She was starting a new story—the book was a compilation19 of novels. I wondered why she’d switched stories soabruptly.
Just a few moments later, she slammed the book angrily shut. With a fierce scowlon her face, she pushed the book aside and flipped20 over onto her back. She took a deepbreath, as if to calm herself, pushed her sleeves up and closed her eyes. I remembered thenovel, but I couldn’t think of anything offensive in it to upset her. Another mystery. Isighed.
She lay very still, moving just once to yank her hair away from her face. Itfanned out over her head, a river of chestnut21. And then she was motionless again.
Her breathing slowed. After several long minutes her lips began to tremble.
Mumbling in her sleep.
Impossible to resist. I listened as far out as I could, catching22 voices in the housesnearby.
Two tablespoons of flour…one cup of milk…C’mon! Get it through the hoop23! Aw, c’mon!
Red, or blue…or maybe I should wear something more casual…There was no one close by. I jumped to the ground, landing silently on my toes.
This was very wrong, very risky24. How condescendingly I’d once judged Emmettfor his thoughtless ways and Jasper for his lack of discipline—and now I was consciouslyflouting all the rules with a wild abandon that made their lapses25 look like nothing at all. Iused to be the responsible one.
I sighed, but crept out into the sunshine, regardless.
I avoided looking at myself in the sun’s glare. It was bad enough that my skinwas stone and inhuman26 in shadow; I didn’t want to look at Bella and myself side by sidein the sunlight. The difference between us was already insurmountable, painful enoughwithout this image also in my head.
But I couldn’t ignore the rainbow sparkles that reflected onto her skin when I gotcloser. My jaw27 locked at the sight. Could I be any more of a freak? I imagined herterror if she opened her eyes now…I started to retreat, but she mumbled28 again, holding me there.
“Mmm… Mmm.”
Nothing intelligible29. Well, I would wait for a bit.
I carefully stole her book, stretching my arm out and holding my breath while Iwas close, just in case. I started breathing again when I was a few yards away, tasting theway the sunshine and open air affected30 her scent31. The heat seemed to sweeten the smell.
My throat flamed with desire, the fire fresh and fierce again because I had been awayfrom her for too long.
I spent a moment controlling that, and then—forcing myself to breathe throughmy nose—I let her book fall open in my hands. She’d started with the first book… Iflipped through the pages quickly to the third chapter of Sense and Sensibility, searchingfor something potentially offensive in Austen’s overly polite prose.
When my eyes stopped automatically at my name—the character Edward Ferrarsbeing introduced for the first time—Bella spoke32 again.
“Mmm. Edward.” She sighed.
This time I did not fear that she had awoken. Her voice was just a low, wistfulmurmur. Not the scream of fear it would have been if she’d seen me now.
Joy warred with self-loathing. She was still dreaming of me, at least.
“Edmund. Ahh. Too….close…”
Edmund?
Ha! She wasn’t dreaming of me at all, I realized blackly. The self-loathingreturned in force. She was dreaming of fictional33 characters. So much for my conceit34.
I replaced her book, and stole back into the cover of the shadows—where Ibelonged.
The afternoon passed and I watched, feeling helpless again, as the sun slowlysank in the sky and the shadows crawled across the lawn toward her. I wanted to pushthem back, but the darkness was inevitable35; the shadows took her. When the light wasgone, her skin looked too pale—ghostly. Her hair was dark again, almost black againsther face.
It was a frightening thing to watch—like witnessing Alice’s visions come tofruition. Bella’s steady, strong heartbeat was the only reassurance36, the sound that keptthis moment from feeling like a nightmare.
I was relieved when her father arrived home.
I could hear little from him as he drove down the street toward the house. Somevague annoyance…in the past, something from his day at work. Expectation mixed withhunger—I guessed that he was looking forward to dinner. But his thoughts were so quietand contained that I could not be sure I was right; I only got the gist37 of them.
I wondered what her mother sounded like—what the genetic38 combination hadbeen that had formed her so uniquely.
Bella started awake, jerking up to a sitting position when the tires of her father’scar hit the brick driveway. She stared around herself, seeming confused by theunexpected darkness. For one brief moment, her eyes touched the shadows where I hid,but they flickered39 quickly away.
“Charlie?” she asked in a low voice, still peering into the trees surrounding thesmall yard.
The door of his car slammed shut, and she looked to the sound. She got to herfeet quickly and gathered her things, casting one more look back toward the woods.
I moved into a tree closer to the back window near the small kitchen, and listenedto their evening. It was interesting to compare Charlie’s words to his muffled40 thoughts.
His love and concern for his only daughter were nearly overwhelming, and yet his wordswere always terse41 and casual. Most of the time, they sat in companionable silence.
I heard her discuss her plans for the following evening in Port Angeles, and Irefined my own plans as I listened. Jasper had not warned Peter and Charlotte to stayclear of Port Angeles. Though I knew that they had fed recently and had no intention ofhunting any where in the vicinity of our home, I would watch her, just in case. After all,there were always others of my kind out there. And then, all those human dangers that Ihad never much considered before now.
I heard her worry aloud about leaving her father to prepare dinner alone, andsmiled at this proof to my theory—yes, she was a care-taker.
And then I left, knowing I would return when she was asleep.
I would not trespass42 on her privacy the way the peeping tom would have. I washere for her protection, not to leer at her in the way Mike Newton no doubt would, werehe agile43 enough to move through the treetops the way I could. I would not treat her socrassly.
My house was empty when I returned, which was fine by me. I didn’t miss theconfused or disparaging44 thoughts, questioning my sanity16. Emmett had left a note stuck tothe newel post.
Football at the Rainier field—c’mon! Please?
I found a pen and scrawled45 the word sorry beneath his plea. The teams were evenwithout me, in any case.
I went for the shortest of hunting trips, contenting myself with the smaller, gentlercreatures that did not taste as good as the hunters, and then changed into fresh clothesbefore I ran back to Forks.
Bella did not sleep as well tonight. She thrashed in her blankets, her facesometimes worried, sometimes sad. I wondered what nightmare haunted her…and thenrealized that perhaps I really didn’t want to know.
When she spoke, she mostly muttered derogatory things about Forks in a glumvoice. Only once, when she sighed out the words “Come back” and her hand twitchedopen—a wordless plea—did I have a chance to hope she might be dreaming of me.
The next day of school, the last day the sun would hold me prisoner, was muchthe same as the day before. Bella seemed even gloomier than yesterday, and I wonderedif she would bow out of her plans—she didn’t seem in the mood.
But, being Bella, she would probably put her friends’ enjoyment46 above that of herown.
She wore a deep blue blouse today, and the color set her skin off perfectly,making it look like fresh cream.
School ended, and Jessica agreed to pick the other girls up—Angela was going,too, for which I was grateful.
I went home to get my car. When I found that Peter and Charlotte were there, Idecided could afford to give the girls an hour or so for a head start. I would never be ableto bear following behind them, driving at the speed limit—hideous thought.
I came in through the kitchen, nodding vaguely47 at Emmett’s and Esme’s greetingsas I passed by everyone in the front room and went straight to the piano.
Ugh, he’s back. Rosalie, of course.
Ah, Edward. I hate to see him suffering so. Esme’s joy was becoming marred48 byconcern. She should be concerned. This love story she envisioned for me was careeningtoward a tragedy more perceptibly every moment.
Have fun in Port Angeles tonight, Alice thought cheerfully. Let me know whenI’m allowed to talk to Bella.
You’re pathetic. I can’t believe you missed the game last night just to watchsomebody sleep, Emmett grumbled49.
Jasper paid me no mind, even when the song I played came out a little morestormily than I’d intended. It was an old song, with a familiar theme: impatience50. Jasperwas saying goodbye to his friends, who eyed me curiously51.
What a strange creature, the Alice-sized, white-blond Charlotte was thinking.
And he was so normal and pleasant the last time we met.
Peter’s thoughts were in sync with hers, as was usually the case.
It must be the animals. The lack of human blood drives them mad eventually, hewas concluding. His hair was just as fair as hers, and almost as long. They were verysimilar—except for size, as he was almost as tall as Jasper—in both look and thought. Awell matched pair, I’d always thought.
Everyone but Esme stopped thinking about me after a moment, and I played inmore subdued52 tones so that I would not attract notice.
I did not pay attention to them for a long while, just letting the music distract mefrom my unease. It was hard to have the girl out of sight and mind. I only returned myattention to their conversation when the goodbyes grew more final.
“If you see Maria again,” Jasper was saying, a little warily53, “tell her I wish herwell.”
Maria was the vampire who had created both Jasper and Peter—Jasper in thelatter half of the nineteenth century, Peter more recently, in the nineteen forties. She’dlooked Jasper up once when we were in Calgary. It had been an eventful visit—we’d hadto move immediately. Jasper had politely asked her to keep her distance in the future.
“I don’t imagine that will happen soon,” Peter said with a laugh—Maria wasundeniable dangerous and there was not much love lost between her and Peter. Peterhad, after all, been instrumental in Jasper’s defection. Jasper had always been Maria’sfavorite; she considered it a minor54 detail that she had once planned to kill him. “But,should it happen, I certainly will.”
They were shaking hands then, preparing to depart. I let the song I was playingtrail off to an unsatisfying end, and got hastily to my feet.
“Charlotte, Peter,” I said, nodding.
“It was nice to see you again, Edward,” Charlotte said doubtfully. Peter justnodded in return.
Madman, Emmett threw after me.
Idiot, Rosalie thought at the same time.
Poor boy. Esme.
And Alice, in a chiding55 tone. They’re going straight east, to Seattle. No wherenear Port Angeles. She showed me the proof in her visions.
I pretended I hadn’t heard that. My excuses were already flimsy enough.
Once in my car, I felt more relaxed; the robust56 purr of the engine Rosalie hadboosted for me—last year, when she was in a better mood—was soothing57. It was a reliefto be in motion, to know that I was getting closer to Bella with every mile that flew awayunder my tires.
第八章 幽灵
我没怎么见过贾斯帕那两个客人，因为在他们逗留福克斯的两天里都是晴天。我只能回家去，这样爱斯梅就不会担心我了。要不然，我就会活得像个幽灵而不像吸血鬼了。我徘徊在人们看不见的阴暗角落里，在那儿我能一直追踪着我所热爱、牵挂的对象——在那儿，我能透过某个有幸能在阳光下走在她身旁的人的思想，看见她、听见她，偶然这些人会不经意地碰上她的手，她从不会为这种接触产生反应，他们的手和她的手一样温暖。
不能去上学从来没有像现在这样令人讨厌。但阳光似乎让她感到快活，所以我也没有因此感到太愤怒。我感谢一切令她感到快乐的事物。
一场星期一早上偷听来的对话可能会把我的自信摧毁，同时也让离开她的这段时间变成一种折磨。
我不得不佩服麦克?牛顿，他没有轻易放弃，躲起来舔伤口，他比我原先认为的更勇敢。他打算再努力一把。
贝拉很早就来到学校，似乎打算好好享受这持续数日的阳光，她坐在平时不常坐的餐厅外面的长椅上，等待第一节课的铃声打响。她的头发在阳光下反射出淡淡的红色光泽，这是我从来没有预料到的。
麦克发现她坐在那儿，又在乱画，为自己的好运气兴奋不已。
只能无能为力地干看着这一切真叫人痛苦，我被明亮的阳光禁锢在森林的阴暗处。
她对他的到来表现出充分的热情，这让他狂喜，而我却恰恰相反。
（看，她喜欢我。如果她不喜欢的话不会冲我那样笑。我敢打赌她一定想跟我去舞会。真想知道西雅图究竟有什么重要的事……）他察觉到了她头发颜色的变化。“我之前从来没有注意——你的头发居然带点儿红色。”
在他抓了一缕飘过他指缝间的她的头发时，我一不留神就我手里那棵小云杉树连根拔起。
“只有在阳光下才这样。”她说道。让我大为满意的是，当他把那缕头发拨回她耳后时，她稍微畏缩了一下。
麦克花了一分钟的时间才重新鼓起勇气，他用闲聊来浪费时间。
她提醒他星期三我们全部人都要缴交的论文作业。从她脸上流露出来的一丝沾沾自喜看得出来，她已经写完了。他早把这事儿忘了个一干二净，而这将大大占用他的空余时间。
（该死——无聊的论文。）他终于说到重点——我把牙齿咬得格格响，想必连花岗岩都能被磨成粉——尽管那样，他还是没有直接表明用意。
“我本来还想约你出去呢。”
“哦。”她说道。
一段短暂的沉默。
（哦？那是什么意思？她是打算说好吗？等等——我还没问呢。）他困难地咽了口唾沫。
“嗯，我们可以一起吃个晚饭或干点别的什么作业我可以晚点再写。”
（傻瓜——那根本不是在问。）“麦克……”
我那极度的痛苦和嫉妒跟刚刚过去的那个星期相比，并未减弱。为了让自己待在原地，我又弄垮了一棵树。我真的很想以人类肉眼看不见的速度狂奔回学校，把她抢回来——把她从这个让我恨之入骨的男孩那儿偷走，这一刻我真的很可能会杀了他，而且还乐意之至。
她会答应他吗？
“我觉得这不是最好的主意。”
我又放宽心了。僵硬的身体放松下来。
（说到底，西雅图只是个借口。不该这么问的。我在想什么呀？一定是跟那个怪胎卡伦……）“为什么？”他阴郁地问道。
“我觉得……”她踌躇片刻，说道，“要是你敢让我在重复一遍同样的话，我会很乐意揍死你的——”
“死”这个字从她嘴里吐出来，让我放声大笑。一只松鸦尖叫一声，受惊地从我身边飞出来。
“可是我想，那样会伤了杰西卡的心。”
“杰西卡？”（什么？可是……哦，那还好，我想，那样，噢……）他脑子被搅浑了。
“说真的，麦克，难道你是瞎子吗？”
她这话引起了我的共鸣。她不该期待所有人都能像她那样有洞察力，可这件事真是太明显不过了。麦克刚才一直烦恼着该怎么开口邀请贝拉，难道他真的没有猜到杰西卡也像他这样烦恼着吗？一定是自私让他对其他人视而不见。而贝拉则是那么地无私，所以她看到了一切。
（杰西卡，哦，这，哦。）“噢，”他想说点什么。
“上课了，我可不能再迟到了。”
从那时起，麦克就拿不定主意了。他发现，自打他把念头转向杰西卡后，他为她喜欢他而颇为高兴。
（不过，我想，她挺可爱的。身材不错。很容易弄到手……）然后他中断了这个想法，转为新的幻想，就像他之前对贝拉的幻想那样粗俗。他对两个女孩都缺乏起码的尊重，他只是把她们简单地交换了一下位置。我避开了他后面的想法。
当她离开我的视野时，我爬上一棵巨大的草莓树，靠在凉爽的树干上，跳过一个又一个思想，把她锁定在我的视线里，当我可以透过安吉拉?韦伯的眼睛看见她时，我感到高兴。我希望可以用某种方式来回报这个叫韦伯的女孩，因为她实在是个好人。想到贝拉总算是有个值得结交的朋友，我感觉好多了。
我能看见她又悲伤起来。这让我惊讶——我还以为阳光足够让她一直展露笑容。午饭时间，我看见她一次次地瞥向那张卡伦家常坐的空桌子，这让我一阵激动。这让我燃起希望。也许她也想念我。
她打算跟其他女孩一起出门——我自动自觉地制定好我的盯梢计划——不过这些计划延期了，因为麦克邀请杰西卡出去约会，就像他原来替贝拉安排的一样。
所以我直接去了她家，我在树林里迅速扫视一遍，确保没有什么危险的东西在这附近徘徊。
我知道贾斯帕已经告诫过他从前的兄弟避开这个小镇——他援引了我的疯狂作为解释，同时也算是警告——可我不敢小心大意。彼特和夏洛蒂无意与我们家为敌，可心意是可以改变的……好吧，我做得太过火了，我知道。
我朝书名瞥了一眼，《曼斯菲尔德庄园》。她已经开始读下一篇了——那本书是一部小说集。
我想知道她为什么那么鲁莽地将这些小说掀来掀去。
仅仅过了一会儿，她就愤怒地将书砰地合上。她一脸的不高兴，把书推到一边然后突然翻了个身。她深深地吸了口气，似乎想让自己平静下来，她把袖子卷起来，阖上了眼皮。我记得这几篇小说，可我想不起来里面会有任何让她感到心烦意乱的不安内容。又一个谜。我叹了口气。
她躺在那儿动也不动，只有一次猛地将头发从脸庞上拨开。它们在她的头顶上披散开来，就像一片栗色的瀑布。之后她又动也不动了。
她的呼吸放慢了。好几分钟过后，她的嘴唇抖动起来了。她在说梦话。
这叫人无法抵挡。我尽可能竖起耳朵去听，我捕捉到这附近屋子里的声音。
（两调羹面粉……一杯牛奶……来吧，穿过铁环，噢，快点！
红色好呢，还是蓝色好……也许我应该穿得更随意些……）这里面没有一个相近。我往地上一跳，在落地时以脚尖悄无声息地着地。
这么做很不合适，很冒险。我曾经高高在上地评判爱美特不经慎思的行为和贾斯帕的缺乏锻炼——而现在我正以一种狂热的放纵蓄意藐视所有的法规，这让他们的小小失误显得微不足道。我过去可是负责任的那一个。
我叹了口气，可还是不顾后果地走到阳光底下。
我不敢去看自己在阳光的强烈照射下的样子。即使在阴暗处，我的皮肤看起来也跟石头一样，一点儿也不像人类的皮肤，这已经够糟了，我压根儿不想去看贝拉和我肩并肩地一起出现在 阳光底下的模样。我俩之间的差异性已经无法克服了，即使我脑子里没有浮现这幅景象，我也已经够痛苦的了。
然而当我靠近她时，我无法无视她皮肤反射出来的彩虹般的光泽。我的下巴被这幅景象锁定了，再也无法移开。我在想像要是这会儿她突然睁开眼睛……我开始撤退，可她又含糊不清地说起话来，让我的脚像生了根似地留在那儿。
“嗯……嗯……”
根本就听不清。好吧，我可以再等上一小会儿。
我小心翼翼地去偷她的书，我走近她，伸长胳膊，屏住呼吸，只是以防万一。当我退开几码远后，我才又重新开始呼吸，品尝着阳光和露天对她的气味的影响。
温度似乎让那股气味变得更甜美了。我的喉咙燃起了渴望的火焰，这火焰格外猛烈，因为我离开她已经有一段时间了。
我花了片刻工夫来控制这团火焰——然后强迫自己用鼻子来呼吸——我把她的书摊开放在手里。她刚才是从头开始看的，我匆匆翻阅书页，飞快翻到《理智与情感》的第三章，在奥斯丁文雅得过分的文章里搜寻任何能令人情绪不安的潜在因素。
当我的眼睛自动自觉地停留在我的名字上时——书中人物爱德华的名字被第一次提及——贝拉又开口说话了。
“嗯……爱德华。”她叹了口气。
这一次我不再担心她醒过来了。她的声音只是一种低而含糊的咕哝。如果她现在见到我的话，她不可能不发出害怕的尖叫的。
至少，她又梦到我了。
“爱德蒙。哈，太接近了……”
爱德蒙？
啊，我泄气地意识到，她梦见的根本不是我。她梦见的是小说中的人物。到目前为止，我都是在盲目自大。
我把她的书放回原来的地方，然后悄悄退回阴暗处——回到我本该属于的地方。
一个下午过去了，我一直在看着，又一次感到无助，太阳正缓缓地西沉，阴影爬上了草坪，笼盖在她头顶上。我很想把它们赶回去，可黑暗终会来临，那些阴影笼罩着她。当光明消失后，她的皮肤看起来是那么苍白——可怕的苍白。她的头发又变成了黑色，跟她的脸庞形成黑白的强烈对比。
这是一幅令我触目惊心的景象——就像亲眼目睹爱丽丝的幻象变成现实。贝拉沉稳而坚定的心跳是唯一让我安心的东西，这个声音把我从此刻噩梦般的感觉中拯救出来。
她父亲回来了，这让我放下心来。
当他开车沿着小路一直驶向家门口时，我听到一点儿来自他脑子里的声音。那是一些含糊不清的烦恼……白天里他工作上的一些牢骚。还有伴随饥饿而产生的期待——我猜他一定很想吃晚饭。不过他这些想法都很不显眼，很含蓄，我不是很肯定我的猜测是对的。我只能听出些大概。
我想知道她母亲的声音是怎么样的——是什么样的遗传密码造就了她的特殊。
贝拉开始醒过来，当她父亲警车的轮胎碾过车道的水泥地时，她猛地坐起身。她凝视四周，看起来很茫然，她没有料到已经天黑了。有那么短短的一瞬间，她的目光掠过我藏身的那片阴暗处，不过很快就看向别的地方。
“查理？”她低声问道，还在盯着院子四周那片树林看。
他的车门被猛地关上，她朝声音看过去。她很快站起身，收拾东西，又朝背后的树林看了一眼。
我转移到一棵树上，那棵树就挨着小厨房的后窗，听一听他们晚上在干什么。唔，比较查理的言语和他压抑的思想还真是有趣。他对自己独生女的爱护和关心无比强烈，可是他嘴里说出来的话却是那么简洁、漠不关心。大部分时间里，他们都是安静而友好的坐在那儿。
我听见她正商量第二天傍晚去天使港的计划，我边听边修改自己的计划。贾斯帕没有事先告诫皮特和夏洛特远离天使港。尽管我知道他们最近已经进食过了，并且无意在我们家附近捕猎，可以防万一，我还是要密切注视她。毕竟，外面总还有其他我的同类。还有那些我之前从未考虑过的人类会遇到的危险。
我听见她在担心留下她父亲一个人吃晚饭，我微笑，这证实了我的猜测——是的，她是当家人。
然后我走了，我会在她睡觉的时候再回来。
我可不会像那些偷窥狂那样非法侵犯她的隐私。我来这儿是为了保护她，我不会像麦克?牛顿那样以色情眼光偷窥她。（如果那家伙能像我一样灵巧地爬上树梢，他肯定会这么干的）当我回到家时，屋子里空无一人，这对我来说再好不过。我一点儿也不怀念那些迷惑不解，那些蔑视，那些质疑我神志是否正常的想法，爱美特留了一张纸条压在楼梯口的端柱上。
去雷尼尔原野踢足球——来吧？求你了？
我找来一支笔，在他的恳求下面潦草地写下“对不起”三个字。不管怎样，没有我，他们两队的人数会更平均。
我去了附近捕猎，用一些更小、更温和一些的动物来满足我的干渴，不过对猎人而言，它们味道并不好，然后我换上干净衣服，重返福克斯。
贝拉今晚也睡得不好。她在毯子里辗转反侧，她的脸庞时而焦虑，时而忧伤。我想知道是什么样的噩梦缠住了她……随即又意识到也许我并不真的想要知道。
当她开始说梦话时，她主要是在咕哝着抱怨福克斯，她的语气闷闷不乐。只有一次，当她叹息着说出“留下来”这句话时，她的手抽搐了一下，张开了——一个无声的恳求——这确实给了我一个机会，让我生出希望：她也许是梦见了我。
在回学校的第二天，（这将是最后一天，过了这天，阳光就不能再把我禁锢）这天跟之前那天一样。贝拉好像比昨天还要消沉，我怀疑她是否会放弃她的计划——她似乎没什么心情。
可对贝拉来说，她可能会把友人的快乐放在自己的快乐之上。
今天她穿了一件深蓝色的衬衫，那颜色跟她的肤色很配，让她的皮肤看起来就像凝脂一般。
放学了，杰西卡同意开车载上其他女孩——安吉拉也去，我对此心生感激。
我回家去拿我的车。我在那儿看见了皮特和夏洛特，我决定给那些女孩一小时的时间，让她们先我一步离去。我可无法忍受开车跟在她们后面，让自己车速受限——想想就可怕。
我进了屋，穿过厨房，当我走过客厅，从所有人面前经过时，我冲着向我打招呼的爱美特和爱斯梅点头致意，然后我径直走向钢琴。
（嗯哼，他回来了。）罗莎莉这么想。
（啊，爱德华。我真不愿见到他受这样的苦。）爱斯梅在高兴过后又变得忧心忡忡。她是该担心的。她为我设想的那个爱情故事正演变为悲剧。
（今晚在天使港玩得开心点儿，）爱丽丝兴高采烈地想道。（让我知道我什么时候才能和贝拉说话。）（你真是太可怜啦！我不相信你居然会错过昨晚那场球赛，仅仅是为了看某个人睡觉，）爱美特在抱怨。
贾斯帕没有留意我，即使当我在无意间将那首曲子弹奏得过于激烈一点时。这是一首古老的曲子，有一个非正式的名字：急躁。贾斯帕正跟他的朋友们道别，后者好奇地看着我。
（真是一个奇怪的家伙，）那个体格像爱丽丝，长着一头金发的夏洛特想道。（上次我们见到他时，他还很正常，心情很愉快。）跟往常一样，皮特的想法跟她同步。
（肯定跟吸动物血有关。不喝人血终于让他们疯了，）他得出结论。他的头发就像她那样明亮，几乎跟她一样长。他们很相似——只是体格不同，他跟贾斯帕一样高——长相和想法都很相似。真是一对绝配，我过去总这么认为。
我有很长一段时间都没有留意他们，只是让音乐分散我的紧张心情。看不见那个女孩，也感觉不到她，对我来说真是一种酷刑。当他们终于要离开时，我才把我的注意力回到他们的谈话上。
“如果你再见到玛丽亚，”贾斯帕说道，带了一点担忧。“告诉她我祝她安好。”
玛丽亚就是创造出贾斯帕和皮特的吸血鬼——贾斯帕是在十八世纪晚期，皮特要近一些，是在十九世纪四十年代。当我们住在卡尔加里时她来找过贾斯帕一次。那是一次充满危险的拜访——我们不得不马上搬走。那时贾斯帕礼貌地请求她以后离他远点儿。
“我可不想跟她这么快就见面。“皮特笑了一声说道——玛丽亚可是一个极其危险的人物，而且她跟皮特之间没剩多少爱。毕竟，皮特帮助过贾斯帕叛逃。贾斯帕过去一直是玛丽亚的心腹，而她曾经计划要杀死他，不过她把这看作是小事一桩。“不过，要是我见到她，我会替你问好的。”
接着他们握手，准备动身了。
“皮特，夏洛特。”我说道，一边点头。
“真高兴我们又见面了，爱德华。”夏洛特不无疑虑地说道，皮特仅仅是点头回应。
（疯子。）爱美特在我背后丢过来这么一句。
（白痴。）与此同时，罗莎莉想道。
（可怜的孩子。）爱斯梅这样想。
而爱丽丝则以一种责备的语气想道。（他们会一直往东走，去西雅图。他们不会靠近天使港的。）她把脑中的幻象作为证据展示给我看。
我装作没听见。可我的理由已经站不住脚了。
钻进车子里，我感到更轻松了；引擎发出的嗡嗡声强健有力，罗莎莉提高了它的性能——这是去年她心情不错的时候替我改装的——真让人宽慰。终于能够动身了，这对我来说真是一种解脱，我的车轮飞驰，我知道自己正离贝拉越拉越近。
收听单词发音 |
1
vampire
|
|
| n.吸血鬼 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
hovered
|
|
| 鸟( hover的过去式和过去分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
eavesdropped
|
|
| 偷听（别人的谈话）( eavesdrop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
agonizing
|
|
| adj.痛苦难忍的；使人苦恼的v.使极度痛苦；折磨(agonize的ing形式) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
uprooted
|
|
| v.把（某物）连根拔起( uproot的过去式和过去分词 )；根除；赶走；把…赶出家园 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
strand
|
|
| vt.使（船）搁浅，使（某人）困于（某地） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
clenched
|
|
| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
outright
|
|
| adv.坦率地；彻底地；立即；adj.无疑的；彻底的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
jealousy
|
|
| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
whit
|
|
| n.一点，丝毫 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
rigid
|
|
| adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
sullenly
|
|
| 不高兴地，绷着脸，忧郁地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
perceptive
|
|
| adj.知觉的，有洞察力的，感知的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
postponed
|
|
| vt.& vi.延期，缓办，（使）延迟vt.把…放在次要地位；[语]把…放在后面（或句尾）vi.（疟疾等）延缓发作（或复发） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
insanity
|
|
| n.疯狂，精神错乱；极端的愚蠢，荒唐 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
sanity
|
|
| n.心智健全，神智正常，判断正确 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
overdoing
|
|
| v.做得过分( overdo的现在分词 )；太夸张；把…煮得太久；（工作等）过度 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
stiffened
|
|
| 加强的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
compilation
|
|
| n.编译，编辑 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
flipped
|
|
| 轻弹( flip的过去式和过去分词 )； 按（开关）； 快速翻转； 急挥 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
chestnut
|
|
| n.栗树，栗子 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
catching
|
|
| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
hoop
|
|
| n.（篮球）篮圈，篮 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
risky
|
|
| adj.有风险的，冒险的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
lapses
|
|
| n.失误，过失( lapse的名词复数 )；小毛病；行为失检；偏离正道v.退步( lapse的第三人称单数 )；陷入；倒退；丧失 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
inhuman
|
|
| adj.残忍的，不人道的，无人性的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
jaw
|
|
| n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
mumbled
|
|
| 含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
intelligible
|
|
| adj.可理解的，明白易懂的，清楚的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
affected
|
|
| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
scent
|
|
| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
spoke
|
|
| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
fictional
|
|
| adj.小说的，虚构的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
conceit
|
|
| n.自负，自高自大 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
inevitable
|
|
| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
reassurance
|
|
| n.使放心，使消除疑虑 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
gist
|
|
| n.要旨；梗概 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
genetic
|
|
| adj.遗传的，遗传学的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
flickered
|
|
| （通常指灯光）闪烁，摇曳( flicker的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
muffled
|
|
| adj.（声音）被隔的；听不太清的；（衣服）裹严的；蒙住的v.压抑，捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
terse
|
|
| adj.(说话，文笔)精炼的，简明的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
trespass
|
|
| n./v.侵犯，闯入私人领地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
agile
|
|
| adj.敏捷的，灵活的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
44
disparaging
|
|
| adj.轻蔑的，毁谤的v.轻视( disparage的现在分词 )；贬低；批评；非难 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
45
scrawled
|
|
| 乱涂，潦草地写( scrawl的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
46
enjoyment
|
|
| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
47
vaguely
|
|
| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
48
marred
|
|
| adj. 被损毁, 污损的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
49
grumbled
|
|
| 抱怨( grumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 发牢骚； 咕哝； 发哼声 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
50
impatience
|
|
| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
51
curiously
|
|
| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
52
subdued
|
|
| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
53
warily
|
|
| adv.留心地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
54
minor
|
|
| adj.较小(少)的，较次要的；n.辅修学科；vi.辅修 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
55
chiding
|
|
| v.责骂，责备( chide的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
56
robust
|
|
| adj.强壮的，强健的，粗野的，需要体力的，浓的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
57
soothing
|
|
| adj.慰藉的；使人宽心的；镇静的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |