For two days Ward1 Hill continued in no enviable frame of mind. He felt hurt and humiliated2 by the words of Mr. Crane, and also felt that he had been hard and somewhat unjust in his judgment3.
It was true that he had not referred to the disturbance4 in Ripley's room, but to Ward that seemed a trifling5 matter now. The struggle through which he was passing was uppermost in his thoughts, and before that, all else seemed insignificant6 and small.
And to Ward Hill it was a struggle of no small character. The stand which near the close of the preceding year he had taken for Henry had brought upon him the enmity of his former associates, and they had succeeded not only in annoying him themselves, but also in creating a prejudice against him in the school.
Henry, it was true, remained his true friend, but he was a boy who was never demonstrative, and Ward somehow felt the need of continued praise. In this particular he did not differ from other sensitive and bright lads; but in his own home and in the little village of Rockford, he had been so looked up to by all his associates that he had come to regard such feelings toward him as but his just and natural right.
Jack7 Hobart's good will he highly prized and also prized more than he himself was aware all the good-natured references to the possibilities of his becoming the valedictorian of the class; but Ward Hill, like many another when he finds himself beset8 with perplexities and difficulties, was more prone9 to dwell upon his lacks than upon his possessions, and consequently he was thinking much more of the words of implied blame which Mr. Crane had spoken, than he was of the encouragement and appreciation12 he had received.
And it was just because Mr. Crane thoroughly13 understood Ward that he had spoken as he did at the time of Ward's indirect statement. He had understood clearly that in the case which Ward had stated, he was speaking of himself. The disguise was very thin, and the teacher had listened attentively14 and with a full sense of what it all meant to the eager, impulsive15 boy.
But he had also seen, what Ward himself had failed to see, that as yet he had not faced his situation with the true spirit. It was his vanity which was suffering more than his sense of justice and right. Eager for the praise of the boys and his teachers, he had not as yet come to perceive that there was something deeper, stronger, better. It was with no lack of appreciation of the efforts Ward certainly was making to do better work in his classes and to cut himself loose from the more disorderly elements of the Weston school, that Mr. Crane had spoken, but because he clearly perceived that as yet the troubled boy was governed only by his feelings, and that deep down below all his desires to improve there lay a motive16 which must be purified before anything like a radical17 or permanent change in his life could be produced.
He had not failed to notice the pain his words produced, but as we are informed that "faithful are the wounds of a friend," he had resolved for the sake of the boy, whom he sincerely loved and whose brightness he was in no wise backward in acknowledging, that what he needed most was not praise and sympathy, but frankness and a true picture of himself.
Not the least of Ward's troubles arose from the fact that in his own heart there was a perception of the fact that the basis of all his regard for Mr. Crane was his confidence in the teacher's candor18 and sincerity19. Ward felt that come what might Mr. Crane never said pleasing things just for the pleasure of saying them, or for the pleasure his praise might impart. In all this he was in marked contrast to Mr. Blake whose words of praise were so plentiful20 as to be cheap, and were bestowed21 so indiscriminately that they were slightly valued. Mr. Crane, on the contrary, was ever ready to speak a word of encouragement to any boy whom he perceived to be doing his best, but he never praised at the expense of truth. And perhaps it was because of the dim consciousness that there was too much truth in what he had heard, that Ward's bitterness was somewhat increased.
He could not conceal22 from himself the fact that in the preceding year, when he had been received into the "Tangs" and made much of by a class of boys whose ideals, home training, and lives had been very different from his own, that he had been somewhat elated by the attentions he had received and that his manner and bearing toward the other boys in the school had gradually undergone a marked change.
He had become somewhat overbearing and condescending23 in his dealings with them. He had assumed airs that did not become him and rejected many of the overtures24 of friendship that had been offered him. And as a consequence he had not gained them, and now he had lost the others. Did Mr. Crane know anything of that? Ward almost felt that he must, but the knowledge did not tend to increase his peace of mind at the time. In fact, Ward Hill wanted what he did not need, and needed what he did not want.
For two days, as we have said, the struggle went on in Ward's soul. At times he would be bitter and hard, feeling that it made no difference what he attempted to do, the hand of nearly every one was certain to be against him. Then again, his better self would assert itself and he would be able to see things in their true light.
To Henry he did not speak of his troubles. He worked faithfully and hard over his lessons, and knew that he was doing well in his classes; but somehow the knowledge did not bring him the satisfaction he had expected. He could not forget or ignore Mr. Crane's words, and the recollection of them was ever a disturbing element in his mind.
When the two days had passed, he sought out Jack, having resolved to seek his opinion, half hoping that his friend, who ever had good words for all, would have something to say to him which would be a comfort to his troubled soul.
It was in his room that he found his friend and after stating, as clearly and fully25 as he could recall, the conversation with Mr. Crane, he said abruptly26: "Now, Jack, I want you to tell me just what you think. Am I a prig, like Big Smith? Do you think Mr. Crane was right? Am I to blame for what's coming to me?"
"Ward, I don't know," said Jack soberly after a brief silence.
Ward felt hurt and somewhat humiliated by his friend's reply. He was so anxious to be absolved27 from all blame that he had eagerly looked forward to Jack as a consoler. And now Jack's manner, far more than his words, seemed to imply that he too thought something was wrong with himself.
"It seems to me," said Ward, unable entirely28 to conceal his disappointment, "that a fellow who stands up for Henry as I did when the 'Tangs' got after him, isn't altogether bad. And why is Tim Pickard so down on me? If I'd gone into his scrapes, or if even now I'd go in again, he'd be all right, and you know it. I'd have my place on the nine and the fellows in the school wouldn't all be down on me as they now are."
"I don't know what to say to you," said Jack slowly. "You know how I feel, old fellow, and there isn't a chap in the school who would be so glad to have you take the place I know belongs to you as I would. I know Tim's to blame, but then you know how it was with Big Pond. He didn't go in with Tim and the 'Tangs,' and yet there hasn't been a fellow in school for years whom every one liked as they did Pond. Now I know him and I know you, and for the life of me I can't see just where the fault lies."
"Only you know they liked Pond and don't like me."
"It isn't as strong as that. It isn't that the fellows dislike you, Ward. That isn't it."
"It's that they don't like me," said Ward bitterly, determined29 to say the words which he perceived that Jack would not.
"I think it'll come out all right, Ward, if you'll have patience and wait. It isn't very pleasant, I know," he hastily added as he saw an expression of pain and mortification30 sweep over Ward's face, "but it'll all come right, I'm sure."
"And meanwhile I'm to sit still and bear it all like a martyr31 on a pole."
"No, not that--not that--but----"
"But what?"
"But I wish you'd take a little more pains to make the fellows like you."
"Don't you remember, though, what the doctor said about the fellows that tried to do the popular act, how they never succeeded and the school was always down on them?"
"Yes, I remember, and it's true too, but that doesn't mean that a fellow's not to take a little trouble to be agreeable--I mean to go out of his way. Forgive me, Ward. It hurts me worse than it does you, but you asked me the honest question and I'm trying hard, honestly I am, to see a way out of it. Now there's Big Smith. He's never in a scrape. He doesn't know what the word mischief32 means, but then he isn't over popular, you know."
"Yes, I know; but I hope I'm not like Big Smith. I suppose I'll have to take it out in being respected, even if I'm not liked."
"That's where you're wrong, Ward. I tell you a fellow's got to be respected or he's not liked. He's got to have something the other fellows don't have or they don't look up to him and don't care much for him, either. No, sir! I don't believe a fellow can be respected and not be liked. Speaking of that, and the doctor's words, don't you remember what he said about 'speaking the truth in love'? that it wasn't enough for a fellow to be true, and speak the truth too, for that matter, but that the way in which he did it counted for as much or more than what he said? I usually take a nap when the doctor gets to preaching, but I was thinking that morning and so kept awake."
"Thinking of me, maybe?" said Ward, looking keenly at Jack as he spoke10.
"Why, yes, to tell the truth I was thinking of you, Ward; but I fancy I'd been in a good deal better business to have been thinking of myself."
"Jack, what would you advise me to do?"
"I told you, Ward, I don't know what to tell you. Still, if you want me to, I'll tell you one or two things I've thought of."
"Go ahead," said Ward, striving to appear calm, though there was a sinking of the heart as he spoke.
"Well, to begin with, old fellow, there isn't a boy in the class who can learn his lessons with as little work as you can. Why, you can see right through a thing that takes my old head an hour to find out. But, Ward," he added hesitatingly, "I've sometimes thought you were a little quick to poke11 fun at the fellows who are not so quick-witted as you are. And then you aren't over ready to give a fellow a lift when he's in trouble. Now, for example, there's Big Smith. I saw him come up to you before class yesterday and say, 'Ward, how do you translate this passage?' And maybe you remember what you said to him."
"No, I don't," replied Ward. "He's such a shirk I've no patience with him. What did I say, Jack?"
"Why you turned him off with a curt33, 'How do I translate that place? Why, I translate it right,' and then you turned on your heel and walked off."
"But I don't want to drag Big Smith through by letting him hang on to my coat tails. I work to get what I have, and why shouldn't the other fellows work too, I'd like to know? Every tub ought to stand on its own bottom."
"That's all true enough, but it wouldn't cost you anything to give another fellow a lift; you can do it too, I know, for you've lifted me right out of the mire34 every time I asked you."
"Yes, but I like you, Jack."
"But I thought it was of the other fellows and the school you were talking just now."
"So I was, Jack," replied Ward slowly. Perhaps he was beginning to see what his friend had in mind. "But go on, give me another. I'm good for it."
"Well," said Jack hesitatingly, "I've thought about the nine, Ward. Henry and I were perfectly35 willing to keep off till they'd take you on, but you wouldn't have that."
"No, sir! I'd never go on the nine if I had to get on in that way."
"That's all right and I don't know that I blame you, though I think by a little squeezing Tim would have come around all right. But I did think you might have gone on the scrub."
"Go on the scrub!" said Ward quickly. "What? Go on the scrub when I'd been put off from the nine? Not much! Not as long as the court knows itself." And Ward rose from his seat and in his anger began to pace back and forth36 in the room.
"You don't see what I'm driving at. Now it looks to me like this. If you'd taken the thing good-naturedly and made out that you weren't hit so hard, I think the most of the fellows in the school would have taken your part in no time. As it is, you just keep away from them, and if Tim tells them that you've gone back on everything, why they don't know but it's true, you see. Now if you'd swallowed your pride and gone in with the fellows, whether you were on the nine or not, why it wouldn't have been any time before every one of them would be willing to swear that you were one of the best fellows in the school, as well as one of the best players, and Tim would be forced to give you back your place. Ripley has it now, but he doesn't size up to your knees, when it comes to playing ball."
"Yes, but think what Tim Pickard would say if he should see me on the scrub nine. He'd think he'd got me just where he wanted me, and that I was all cut up about being put off the nine, and was trying to force my way back again."
"Tim might be a little disagreeable at first; but you know if you braced37 up and either laughed at him or paid no attention to what he said, how soon he'd cool off. Now look here, Ward, how many times has your room been stacked since we had our little interview with Timothy down at Ma Perrins'?"
"Not once."
"Exactly. And if you meet Tim and the boys in the same way down on the ball ground you'd see how soon he'd crawl there. Oh, I know Tim Pickard all the way up and all the way down, from the top of his head to the sole of his foot."
"But, I don't want to get on the nine in any such way," protested Ward.
"Never mind the nine, just come down and go in with the fellows, that's all I'm telling you. You can't run off up to the glen or away off to the Hopper, and think all the school is going to come trailing after you. If you're going to catch fish, you've got to go where the fish are, haven't you? And if you think the fellows are all down on you, you can't fix things straight by going off and talking with the whispering breezes and echoing hills, and all that sort of stuff."
Ward soon departed and went to his own room. His heart was smarting from the effect of Jack's words, but somehow he could not feel angry with him. Who could? The light-hearted, generous lad made friends on every side, for no one could long withstand his sunny ways.
That night Ward sat for a long time at his study table, with his head resting upon his hands and his books unopened before him. He was thinking of Mr. Crane's words and what Jack had said.
At last he arrived at a quick decision, and with the decision once made he opened his books and resolutely38 began the preparation of his lessons for the following day.
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收听单词发音
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1
ward
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| n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开 | |
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2
humiliated
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| 感到羞愧的 | |
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3
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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4
disturbance
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| n.动乱，骚动；打扰，干扰；(身心)失调 | |
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trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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6
insignificant
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| adj.无关紧要的，可忽略的，无意义的 | |
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7
jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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8
beset
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| v.镶嵌；困扰，包围 | |
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prone
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| adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的 | |
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10
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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11
poke
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| n.刺，戳，袋；vt.拨开，刺，戳；vi.戳，刺，捅，搜索，伸出，行动散慢 | |
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12
appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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13
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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14
attentively
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| adv.聚精会神地；周到地；谛；凝神 | |
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15
impulsive
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| adj.冲动的，刺激的；有推动力的 | |
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16
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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17
radical
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| n.激进份子，原子团，根号；adj.根本的，激进的，彻底的 | |
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18
candor
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| n.坦白，率真 | |
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19
sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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20
plentiful
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| adj.富裕的，丰富的 | |
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21
bestowed
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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22
conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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23
condescending
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| adj.谦逊的,故意屈尊的 | |
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24
overtures
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| n.主动的表示，提议；（向某人做出的）友好表示、姿态或提议( overture的名词复数 )；（歌剧、芭蕾舞、音乐剧等的）序曲，前奏曲 | |
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25
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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27
absolved
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| 宣告…无罪，赦免…的罪行，宽恕…的罪行( absolve的过去式和过去分词 )； 不受责难，免除责任 [义务] ,开脱（罪责） | |
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28
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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29
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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30
mortification
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| n.耻辱，屈辱 | |
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31
martyr
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| n.烈士，殉难者；vt.杀害，折磨，牺牲 | |
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32
mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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33
curt
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| adj.简短的，草率的 | |
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34
mire
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| n.泥沼，泥泞；v.使...陷于泥泞，使...陷入困境 | |
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35
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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36
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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37
braced
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| adj.拉牢的v.支住( brace的过去式和过去分词 )；撑牢；使自己站稳；振作起来 | |
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38
resolutely
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| adj.坚决地，果断地 | |
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