chapter 29

On the balcony two lighted doors were open now—Eileen's and his. Her room was empty. There was a sound of struggling from his and I came through the door in a jump to find her bending over the bed wrestling with him. The black gleam of a gun shot up into the air, two hands, a large male hand and a woman's small hand were both holding it, neither by the butt¹. Roger was sitting up in bed and leaning forward pushing. She was in a pale blue house coat, one of those quilted things, her hair was all over her face. and now she had both hands on the gun and with a quick jerk she got it away from him I was surprised that she had the strength, even dopey as he was. He fell back glaring and panting and she stepped away and bumped into me. She stood there leaning against me, holding the gun with both hands pressed hard against her body. She was racked with panting sobs⁴. I reached around her body and put my hand on the gun. She spun⁵ around as if it took that to make her realize I was there. Her eyes widened and her body sagged⁶ against me. She let go of the gun. It was a heavy clumsy weapon, a Webley double-action hammerless. The barrel was warm. I held her with one arm, dropped the gun in my pocket, and looked past her head at him. Nobody said anything. Then he opened his eyes and that weary smile played on his lips. "Nobody hurt," he muttered. "Just a wild shot into the ceiling." I felt her go stiff. Then she pulled away. Her eyes were focused and clear. I let her go. "Roger," she said in a voice not much more than a sick whisper, "did it have to be that?" He stared owlishly, licked his lip and said nothing. She went and leaned against the dressing⁷ table. Her hand moved mechanically and threw the hair back from her face. She shuddered⁸ once from head to foot, shaking her head from side to side. "Roger," she whispered again. "Poor Roger. Poor miserable⁹ Roger." He was staring straight up at the ceiling now. "I had a nightmare," he said slowly. "Somebody with a knife was leaning over the bed. I don't know who. Looked a little like Candy. Couldn't of been Candy." "Of course not, darling," she said softly. She left the dressing table and sat down on the side of the bed. She put her hand out and began to stroke his forehead. "Candy has gone to bed long ago. And why would Candy have a knife?" "He's a Mex. They all have knives," Roger said in the same remote impersonal¹⁰ voice. "They like knives. And he doesn't like me." "Nobody likes you," I said brutally¹¹. She turned her head swiftly. "Please—please don't talk like that. He didn't know. He had a dream—" "Where was the gun?" I growled¹², watching her, not paying any attention to him. "Night table. In the drawer." He turned his head and met my stare. There hadn't been any gun in the drawer, and he knew I knew it. The pills had been in there and some odds¹³ and ends, but no gun. "Or under the pillow," he added. "I'm vague about it. I shot once—" he lifted a heavy hand and pointed—"up there." I looked up. There seemed to be a hole in the ceiling plaster all right. I went where I could look up at it. Yes. The kind of hole a bullet might make. From that gun it would go on through, into the attic¹⁴. I went back close to the bed and stood looking down at him, giving him the hard eye. "Nuts. You meant to kill yourself. You didn't have any nightmare. You were swimming in a sea of self-pity. You didn't have any gun in the drawer or under your pillow either. You got up and got the gun and got back into bed and there you were all ready to wipe out the whole messy business. But I don't think you had the nerve. You fired a shot not meant to hit anything. And your wife came running—that's what you wanted. Just pity and sympathy, pal³. Nothing else. Even the struggle was mostly fake. She couldn't take a gun away from you if you didn't want her to." "I'm sick," he said. "But you could be right. Does it matter?" "It matters like this. They'd put you in the psycho ward², and believe me, the people who run that place are about as sympathetic as Georgia chain-gang guards." Eileen stood up suddenly. "That's enough," she said sharply. "He is sick, and you know it." "He wants to be sick. I'm just reminding him of what it would cost him." "This is not the time to tell him." "Go on back to your room." Her blue eyes flashed. "How dare you—" "Go on back to your room. Unless you want me to call the police. These things are supposed to be reported." He almost grinned. "Yeah, call the police," he said, "like you did on Terry Lennox." I didn't pay any attention to that. I was still watching her. She looked exhausted¹⁵ now, and frail¹⁶, and very beautiful. The moment of flashing anger was gone. I put a hand out and touched her arm. "It's all right," I said. "He won't do it again. Go back to bed." She gave him a long look and went out of the room. When the open door was empty of her I sat down on the side of the bed where she had been sitting. "More pills?" "No thanks. It doesn't matter whether I sleep. I feel a lot better." "Did I hit right about that shot? It was just a crazy bit of acting¹⁷?" "More or less." He turned his head away. "I guess I was lightheaded." "Nobody can stop you from killing¹⁸ yourself, if you really want to. I realize that. So do you." "Yes." He was still looking away. "Did you do what I asked you—that stuff in the typewriter?" "Uh huh. I'm surprised you remember. It's pretty crazy writing. Funny thing, it's clearly typed." "I can always do that—drunk or sober—up to a point anyway." "Don't worry about Candy," I said. "You're wrong about his not liking¹⁹ you. And I was wrong to say nobody did. I was trying to jar Eileen, make her mad." "Why?" "She pulled one faint already tonight." He shook his head slightly. "Eileen never faints." "Then it was a phony." He didn't like that either. "What did you mean—a good man died for you?" I asked. He frowned, thinking about it. "Just rubbish. I told you I had a dream—" "I'm talking about that gaff you typed out." He looked at me now, turning his head on the pillow as if it had enormous weight. "Another dream." "I'll try again. What's Candy got on you?" "Shove it, Jack," he said, and closed his eyes. I got up and closed the door. "You can't run forever, Wade²⁰. Candy could be a blackmailer²¹, sure. Easy. He could even be nice about it—like you and lift your dough²² at the same time. What is it—a woman?" "You believe that fool, Loring," he said with his eyes closed. "Not exactly. What about the sister—the one that's dead?" It was a wild pitch in a sense but it happened to split the plate. His eyes snapped wide open. A bubble of saliva²³ showed on his lips. "Is that — why you're here?" he asked slowly, and in a whispering voice. "You know better. I was invited. You invited me." His head rolled back and forth²⁴ on the pillow. In spite of the seconal he was eaten up by his nerves. His face was covered with sweat. "I'm not the first loving husband who has been an adulterer. Leave me alone, damn you. Leave me alone." I went into the bathroom and got a face towel and wiped his face off. I grinned at him sneeringly²⁵. I was the heel to end all heels. Wait until the man is down, then kick him and kick him again. He's weak. He can't resist or kick back. "One of these days we'll get together on it," I said. "I'm not crazy," he said. "You just hope you're not crazy." "I've been living in hell." "Oh sure. That's obvious. The interesting point is why. Here — take this." I had another seconal out of the night table and another glass of water. He got up on one elbow and grabbed for the glass and missed it by a good four inches. I put it in his hand. He managed to drink and swallow his pill. Then he lay back flat and deflated²⁶, his face drained of emotion. His nose had that pinched look. He could almost have been a dead man. He wasn't throwing anybody down any stairs tonight. Most likely not any night. When his eyelids²⁷ got heavy I went out of the room. The weight of the Webley was against my hip²⁸, dragging at my pocket. I started back downstairs again. Eileen's door was open. Her room was dark but there was enough light from the moon to frame her standing²⁹ just inside the door. She called out something that sounded like a name, but it wasn't mine. I stepped close to her. "Keep your voice down," I said. "He's gone back to sleep." "I always knew you would come back," she said softly. "Even after ten years." I peered at her. One of us was goofy. "Shut the door," she said in the same caressing³⁰ voice. "All these years I have kept myself for you." I turned and shut the door. It seemed like a good idea at the moment. When I faced her she was already falling towards me. So I caught her. I damn well had to. She pressed herself hard against me and her hair brushed my face. Her mouth came up to be kissed. She was trembling. Her lips opened and her teeth opened and her tongue darted³¹. Then her hands dropped and jerked at something and the robe she was wearing came open and underneath³² it she was as naked as September Morn but a darn sight less coy. "Put me on the bed," she breathed. I did that. Putting my arms around her I touched bare skin, soft skin, soft yielding flesh. I lifted her and carried her the few steps to the bed and lowered her. She kept her arms around my neck. She was making some kind of a whistling noise in her throat. Then she thrashed about and moaned. This was murder. I was as erotic as a stallion. I was losing control. You don't get that sort of invitation from that sort of woman very often anywhere. Candy saved me. There was a thin squeak³³ and I swung around to see the doorknob moving. I jerked loose and jumped for the door. I got it open and barged out through it and the Mex was tearing along the hall and down the stairs. Halfway³⁴ down he stopped and turned and leered at me. Then he was gone I went back to the door and shut it — from the outside this time. Some kind of weird³⁵ noises were coming from the woman on the bed, but that's all they were now. Weird noises. The spell was broken. I went down the stairs fast and crossed into the study and grabbed the bottle of Scotch³⁶ and tilted³⁷ it; When I couldn't swallow any more I leaned against the wall and panted and let the stuff burn in me until the fumes³⁸ reached my brain. It was a long time since dinner. It was a long time since anything that was normal. The whiskey hit me hard and fast and I kept guzzling³⁹ it until the room started to get hazy⁴⁰ and the furniture was all in the wrong places and the lamplight was like widlfire or summer lightning. Then I was flat out on the leather couch, trying to balance the bottle on my chest. It seemed to be empty. It rolled away and thumped⁴¹ on the floor. That was the last incident of which I took any precise notice.

1 butt   

n.笑柄；烟蒂；枪托；臀部；v.用头撞或顶

参考例句：

• The water butt catches the overflow from this pipe.大水桶盛接管子里流出的东西。
• He was the butt of their jokes.他是他们的笑柄。

2 ward   

n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开

参考例句：

• The hospital has a medical ward and a surgical ward.这家医院有内科病房和外科病房。
• During the evening picnic,I'll carry a torch to ward off the bugs.傍晚野餐时，我要点根火把，抵挡蚊虫。

3 pal   

n.朋友，伙伴，同志；vi.结为友

参考例句：

• He is a pal of mine.他是我的一个朋友。
• Listen,pal,I don't want you talking to my sister any more.听着，小子，我不让你再和我妹妹说话了。

4 sobs   

啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• She was struggling to suppress her sobs. 她拼命不让自己哭出来。
• She burst into a convulsive sobs. 她突然抽泣起来。

5 spun   

v.纺，杜撰，急转身

参考例句：

• His grandmother spun him a yarn at the fire.他奶奶在火炉边给他讲故事。
• Her skilful fingers spun the wool out to a fine thread.她那灵巧的手指把羊毛纺成了细毛线。

6 sagged   

下垂的

参考例句：

• The black reticule sagged under the weight of shapeless objects. 黑色的拎包由于装了各种形状的东西而中间下陷。
• He sagged wearily back in his chair. 他疲倦地瘫坐到椅子上。

7 dressing   

n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料

参考例句：

• Don't spend such a lot of time in dressing yourself.别花那么多时间来打扮自己。
• The children enjoy dressing up in mother's old clothes.孩子们喜欢穿上妈妈旧时的衣服玩。

8 shuddered   

v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动

参考例句：

• He slammed on the brakes and the car shuddered to a halt. 他猛踩刹车，车颤抖着停住了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I shuddered at the sight of the dead body. 我一看见那尸体就战栗。 来自《简明英汉词典》

9 miserable   

adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的

参考例句：

• It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他，这是可耻的。
• Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。

10 impersonal   

adj.无个人感情的，与个人无关的，非人称的

参考例句：

• Even his children found him strangely distant and impersonal.他的孩子们也认为他跟其他人很疏远，没有人情味。
• His manner seemed rather stiff and impersonal.他的态度似乎很生硬冷淡。

11 brutally   

adv.残忍地，野蛮地，冷酷无情地

参考例句：

• The uprising was brutally put down.起义被残酷地镇压下去了。
• A pro-democracy uprising was brutally suppressed.一场争取民主的起义被残酷镇压了。

12 growled   

v.（动物）发狺狺声， （雷）作隆隆声( growl的过去式和过去分词 )；低声咆哮着说

参考例句：

• \"They ought to be birched, \" growled the old man. 老人咆哮道：“他们应受到鞭打。” 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He growled out an answer. 他低声威胁着回答。 来自《简明英汉词典》

13 odds   

n.让步，机率，可能性，比率；胜败优劣之别

参考例句：

• The odds are 5 to 1 that she will win.她获胜的机会是五比一。
• Do you know the odds of winning the lottery once?你知道赢得一次彩票的几率多大吗？

14 attic   

n.顶楼，屋顶室

参考例句：

• Leakiness in the roof caused a damp attic.屋漏使顶楼潮湿。
• What's to be done with all this stuff in the attic?顶楼上的材料怎么处理？

15 exhausted   

adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的

参考例句：

• It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长，到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
• Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。

16 frail   

adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的

参考例句：

• Mrs. Warner is already 96 and too frail to live by herself.华纳太太已经九十六岁了，身体虚弱，不便独居。
• She lay in bed looking particularly frail.她躺在床上，看上去特别虚弱。

17 acting   

n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的

参考例句：

• Ignore her,she's just acting.别理她，她只是假装的。
• During the seventies,her acting career was in eclipse.在七十年代，她的表演生涯黯然失色。

18 killing   

n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财

参考例句：

• Investors are set to make a killing from the sell-off.投资者准备清仓以便大赚一笔。
• Last week my brother made a killing on Wall Street.上个周我兄弟在华尔街赚了一大笔。

19 liking   

n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢

参考例句：

• The word palate also means taste or liking.Palate这个词也有“口味”或“嗜好”的意思。
• I must admit I have no liking for exaggeration.我必须承认我不喜欢夸大其词。

20 wade   

v.跋涉，涉水；n.跋涉

参考例句：

• We had to wade through the river to the opposite bank.我们只好涉水过河到对岸。
• We cannot but wade across the river.我们只好趟水过去。

21 blackmailer   

敲诈者，勒索者

参考例句：

• The blackmailer had a hold over him. 勒索他的人控制着他。
• The blackmailer will have to be bought off,or he'll ruin your good name. 得花些钱疏通那个敲诈者，否则他会毁坏你的声誉。

22 dough   

n.生面团；钱，现款

参考例句：

• She formed the dough into squares.她把生面团捏成四方块。
• The baker is kneading dough.那位面包师在揉面。

23 saliva   

n.唾液，口水

参考例句：

• He wiped a dribble of saliva from his chin.他擦掉了下巴上的几滴口水。
• Saliva dribbled from the baby's mouth.唾液从婴儿的嘴里流了出来。

24 forth   

adv.向前；向外，往外

参考例句：

• The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
• He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。

25 sneeringly   

嘲笑地，轻蔑地

参考例句：

• Guan and Zhang had nothing more to say, But they walked away sneeringly. 关羽、张飞无话，冷笑着走了。

26 deflated   

adj. 灰心丧气的

参考例句：

• I was quite deflated by her lack of interest in my suggestions.他对我的建议兴趣不大，令我感到十分气馁。
• He was deflated by the news.这消息令他泄气。

27 eyelids   

n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色

参考例句：

• She was so tired, her eyelids were beginning to droop. 她太疲倦了，眼睑开始往下垂。
• Her eyelids drooped as if she were on the verge of sleep. 她眼睑低垂好像快要睡着的样子。 来自《简明英汉词典》

28 hip   

n.臀部，髋；屋脊

参考例句：

• The thigh bone is connected to the hip bone.股骨连着髋骨。
• The new coats blouse gracefully above the hip line.新外套在臀围线上优美地打着褶皱。

29 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

30 caressing   

爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的

参考例句：

• The spring wind is gentle and caressing. 春风和畅。
• He sat silent still caressing Tartar, who slobbered with exceeding affection. 他不声不响地坐在那里，不断抚摸着鞑靼，它由于获得超常的爱抚而不淌口水。

31 darted   

v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔

参考例句：

• The lizard darted out its tongue at the insect. 蜥蜴伸出舌头去吃小昆虫。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The old man was displeased and darted an angry look at me. 老人不高兴了，瞪了我一眼。 来自《简明英汉词典》

32 underneath   

adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面

参考例句：

• Working underneath the car is always a messy job.在汽车底下工作是件脏活。
• She wore a coat with a dress underneath.她穿着一件大衣，里面套着一条连衣裙。

33 squeak   

n.吱吱声，逃脱；v.（发出）吱吱叫，侥幸通过；（俚）告密

参考例句：

• I don't want to hear another squeak out of you!我不想再听到你出声！
• We won the game,but it was a narrow squeak.我们打赢了这场球赛，不过是侥幸取胜。

34 halfway   

adj.中途的，不彻底的，部分的；adv.半路地，在中途，在半途

参考例句：

• We had got only halfway when it began to get dark.走到半路，天就黑了。
• In study the worst danger is give up halfway.在学习上，最忌讳的是有始无终。

35 weird   

adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的

参考例句：

• From his weird behaviour,he seems a bit of an oddity.从他不寻常的行为看来，他好像有点怪。
• His weird clothes really gas me.他的怪衣裳简直笑死人。

36 scotch   

n.伤口，刻痕；苏格兰威士忌酒；v.粉碎，消灭，阻止；adj.苏格兰(人)的

参考例句：

• Facts will eventually scotch these rumours.这种谣言在事实面前将不攻自破。
• Italy was full of fine views and virtually empty of Scotch whiskey.意大利多的是美景，真正缺的是苏格兰威士忌。

37 tilted   

v. 倾斜的

参考例句：

• Suddenly the boat tilted to one side. 小船突然倾向一侧。
• She tilted her chin at him defiantly. 她向他翘起下巴表示挑衅。

38 fumes   

n.(强烈而刺激的)气味，气体

参考例句：

• The health of our children is being endangered by exhaust fumes. 我们孩子们的健康正受到排放出的废气的损害。
• Exhaust fumes are bad for your health. 废气对健康有害。

39 guzzling   

v.狂吃暴饮，大吃大喝( guzzle的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• The kids seem to be guzzling soft drinks all day. 孩子们似乎整天都在猛喝汽水。
• He's been guzzling beer all evening. 整个晚上他都在狂饮啤酒。 来自《简明英汉词典》

40 hazy   

adj.有薄雾的，朦胧的；不肯定的，模糊的

参考例句：

• We couldn't see far because it was so hazy.雾气蒙蒙妨碍了我们的视线。
• I have a hazy memory of those early years.对那些早先的岁月我有着朦胧的记忆。

41 thumped   

v.重击， （指心脏）急速跳动( thump的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Dave thumped the table in frustration . 戴夫懊恼得捶打桌子。
• He thumped the table angrily. 他愤怒地用拳捶击桌子。