Chapter XIX The Borderland of Life

Again I felt myself striving to grasp at something—nothing tangible¹ now, but a long series of exhausting, infinitely² confused dreams. My brain strove desperately³ to retain them, but the more it strove the more they slipped back into the darkness of the further side of memory; and, with one mighty⁴ effort to hold on to the last of the vanishing train, I opened my eyes, oppressed with a sense of significant things forgotten.

My eyes opened, I say; and they stared widely at a patch of sky, of an untellable blue, sparkling gem-like, and set very far off as if seen through the wrong end of a telescope. As I stared, the sense of oppression slipped from me. I sat up; but the patch of sky reeled, and I lay back again, whereupon it recovered its adorable stability. I felt tired, but content. It was good to lie there, and watch that enchanted⁶ sky, and rest from thought and dreams.

After a while, however, I turned my head, and 136noted that I was in a deep, low-vaulted, tunnel-shaped cave—or rather bottle-shaped, for it was enlarged about the place where I lay. I noted⁷ that I lay on furs, on a low, couch-like ledge⁸; and I noted, too, that there was a wind outside, for at intervals⁹ a branch was bowed across the cave-mouth and withdrawn¹⁰. Then I perceived that a little jar of water and a broken cake of barley¹¹ meal stood just within reach; and straightway I was aware of a most interested appetite. I sat up again and began to eat and drink. The patch of sky reeled, danced, blurred¹², darkened,—and again grew clear and steady. I finished the barley bread, finished the little jar of water, and sat communing lucidly¹³ with my right mind.

It was manifest that I had been saved that night of my fall over the cliff (by Anderson?—I prayed not); that I had been desperately ill—for the hands and arms upon which I looked down with sarcastic¹⁴ pity were emaciated¹⁵; that I had been tenderly cared for—for the couch was soft, the cave well kept, and a rude screen stood at one side to shield me when the winds came into the cave-mouth. I raised my hands to my head. It was bandaged; and at one side my hair had been much cut away. But my hair—how long the rest of it was! And then came a stroke of wonder—my once smooth chin was deeply bearded! How long, how long must I 137have rested here, to grow so patriarchal an adornment¹⁶!

Stung to a fierce restlessness, and with a sinking at my heart, I rose, tottered¹⁷ to the cave-mouth, and looked out.

The world I had last seen was a green world on the threshold of June. The world I looked on now was a world of fading scarlets¹⁸, the last fires of autumn fast dying from the ragged¹⁹ leafage.

Below, beyond trees and a field, was outspread the wide water of Minas, roughened to a cold and angry indigo²⁰ under the wind. To the left, purple-dim and haze-wrapped, sat Blomidon. Grand Pré must be around to the left. Then the cave was in the face of the Piziquid bluff²¹. So near to friends, yet hidden in a cave! What had happened the while I lay as dead? I tottered back to the couch, and fell on my back, and thought. My apprehensions²² were like a mountain of lead upon the pit of my stomach, and I laboured for my breath.

First I thought of Nicole as having saved me—Anderson I knew would have done his best, but was helpless among an unfriendly people, and well occupied to keep his own scalp. Yet Nicole would have taken me to Father Fafard! And surely there were houses in Grand Pré where the son of my father would have been nursed, and not driven to hide in a hole—till his beard grew! And surely, after all that had happened, Yvonne would 138no longer count me a traitor²³, Monsieur and Madame would make amends²⁵ for this dreadful misjudgment! And surely—but if so, where were all these friends?

Or what had befallen Grand Pré?

“If evil has befallen them (I did not say Yvonne) I want to die! I will go out, and fight, and die at once!” I cried, springing to my feet.

But I was still very weak, and my passion had yet further weakened me, so that I fell to the floor beside the couch; and in falling I knocked over the little jar and broke it. Even then I was conscious of a regret for the little jar; I realized that I was thirsty; and though I wanted to die, I wanted a drink of water first.

This inconsequent mood soon passed, and I crawled back on to the couch, the conviction well hammered into my brain that I was not yet fit to die with credit. And now, having found me no comfort in reason, and having faced the fact that there was nothing I could do but wait, I began to muse²⁶ more temperately²⁷, and to cast about, as one will when weak, for omens²⁸ and auguries²⁹. They kill time, and I hold them harmless.

But a truce³⁰ to cant⁵. Who am I that I should dare to say I laugh at or deny them? I may laugh at myself for a credulous³¹ fool. And I have no doubt whatever that most omens are sheer rubbish, more vain than a floating feather. But 139again there are things of that kindred that have convinced me, and have blessed me; and I dare not be irreverent to the mock mysteries, lest I be guilty of blaspheming those which are true. We know not—that is the most we know.

I will not agree, then, that I was a subject for laughter if, lying there alone, sick, tormented³², loving without hope, fast bound in ignorance of events most vital to my love, I let my mind recall the curious prophesyings of old Mother Pêche. Of Yvonne directly I dared not suffer myself to think, lest my heart should break or stop.

When fate denies occasion to play the hero, it is often well, while waiting, to play the child. I lay quiet, looked at the patch of sky, and occupied myself with Mother Pêche’s soothsayings.

Your heart’s desire is near your death of hope.

At first there was comfort in this, and I took it very seriously, for the sake of the argument. But oh, these oracles³³, astute³⁴ from the days of Delphi and Dodona! Already I could perceive that my hope was not quite dead. A thousand chances came hinting about the windows of my thought. Why might not Yvonne be safe, well,—free? The odds³⁵ were that things had gone ill in my absence, but there was still the chance they might have instead gone well. Here and now, plainly, was not my death of hope, wherefore my heart’s desire could not be near. I turned aside the 140saying in angry contempt, and fell to feeling my ribs³⁶, my shrunk chest, my skinny arms, wondering how long before I could well wield³⁷ sword again.

In this far from reassuring³⁸ occupation I came upon the little leather pouch³⁹ which Mother Pêche had hung about my neck. With eagerness I drew out the mystic stone and held it up before my face. The eye waned⁴⁰ and dilated⁴¹ in the dim light, as if a living spirit lurked⁴² behind it.

“Le Veilleur,” I said to myself. “The Watcher. Little strange is it if simple souls ascribe to you sorcery and power.”

Then I remembered the snatch of doggerel⁴³ which the old dame²⁴ had muttered over it as she gave it to me. While this you wear what most you fear will never come to pass.

Curious it seemed to me that it should have stuck in my mind, though so little heeded⁴⁴ at the time. What most you fear. What was it most I feared? Surely, that Yvonne should go to another. Then that, at least, should not befall while I lived, if there were force in witchcraft⁴⁵; for I would wear the “Watcher” till I died.

But here again my delusive⁴⁶ little satisfaction had but a breath long to live. For indeed what most I feared was something, alas⁴⁷! quite different. What most I feared was calamity⁴⁸, evil, anguish⁴⁹, for Yvonne. Then, clearly, if her happiness 141required her to be the wife of George Anderson, I could not hinder it. Could not? Nay⁵⁰, “would not!” I cried aloud; and thereupon, no longer able to drug myself with auguries, and no longer able to be dumb under the misery⁵¹ of my own soul, I sprang upright, strained my arms above my head, and prayed a selfish prayer:

“God, give her joy, but through me, through me!” Then I flung myself down again, and set my teeth, and turned my face to the wall. Thus I lay as one dead; and so it fell that when the door of the cave was darkened, and steps came to my bed, I did not look up.

1 tangible   

adj.有形的，可触摸的，确凿的，实际的

参考例句：

• The policy has not yet brought any tangible benefits.这项政策还没有带来任何实质性的好处。
• There is no tangible proof.没有确凿的证据。

2 infinitely   

adv.无限地，无穷地

参考例句：

• There is an infinitely bright future ahead of us.我们有无限光明的前途。
• The universe is infinitely large.宇宙是无限大的。

3 desperately   

adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地

参考例句：

• He was desperately seeking a way to see her again.他正拼命想办法再见她一面。
• He longed desperately to be back at home.他非常渴望回家。

4 mighty   

adj.强有力的；巨大的

参考例句：

• A mighty force was about to break loose.一股巨大的力量即将迸发而出。
• The mighty iceberg came into view.巨大的冰山出现在眼前。

5 cant   

n.斜穿，黑话，猛扔

参考例句：

• The ship took on a dangerous cant to port.船只出现向左舷危险倾斜。
• He knows thieves'cant.他懂盗贼的黑话。

6 enchanted   

adj. 被施魔法的，陶醉的，入迷的 动词enchant的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• She was enchanted by the flowers you sent her. 她非常喜欢你送给她的花。
• He was enchanted by the idea. 他为这个主意而欣喜若狂。

7 noted   

adj.著名的，知名的

参考例句：

• The local hotel is noted for its good table.当地的那家酒店以餐食精美而著称。
• Jim is noted for arriving late for work.吉姆上班迟到出了名。

8 ledge   

n.壁架，架状突出物；岩架，岩礁

参考例句：

• They paid out the line to lower him to the ledge.他们放出绳子使他降到那块岩石的突出部分。
• Suddenly he struck his toe on a rocky ledge and fell.突然他的脚趾绊在一块突出的岩石上，摔倒了。

9 intervals   

n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息

参考例句：

• The forecast said there would be sunny intervals and showers. 预报间晴，有阵雨。
• Meetings take place at fortnightly intervals. 每两周开一次会。

10 withdrawn   

vt.收回；使退出；vi.撤退，退出

参考例句：

• Our force has been withdrawn from the danger area.我们的军队已从危险地区撤出。
• All foreign troops should be withdrawn to their own countries.一切外国军队都应撤回本国去。

11 barley   

n.大麦，大麦粒

参考例句：

• They looked out across the fields of waving barley.他们朝田里望去,只见大麦随风摇摆。
• He cropped several acres with barley.他种了几英亩大麦。

12 blurred   

v.（使）变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）难以区分；模模糊糊；迷离

参考例句：

• She suffered from dizziness and blurred vision. 她饱受头晕目眩之苦。
• Their lazy, blurred voices fell pleasantly on his ears. 他们那种慢吞吞、含糊不清的声音在他听起来却很悦耳。 来自《简明英汉词典》

13 lucidly   

adv.清透地，透明地

参考例句：

• This is a lucidly written book. 这是本通俗易懂的书。
• Men of great learning are frequently unable to state lucidly what they know. 大学问家往往不能清楚地表达他们所掌握的知识。

14 sarcastic   

adj.讥讽的，讽刺的，嘲弄的

参考例句：

• I squashed him with a sarcastic remark.我说了一句讽刺的话把他给镇住了。
• She poked fun at people's shortcomings with sarcastic remarks.她冷嘲热讽地拿别人的缺点开玩笑。

15 emaciated   

adj.衰弱的，消瘦的

参考例句：

• A long time illness made him sallow and emaciated.长期患病使他面黄肌瘦。
• In the light of a single candle,she can see his emaciated face.借着烛光，她能看到他的被憔悴的面孔。

16 adornment   

n.装饰；装饰品

参考例句：

• Lucie was busy with the adornment of her room.露西正忙着布置她的房间。
• Cosmetics are used for adornment.化妆品是用来打扮的。

17 tottered   

v.走得或动得不稳( totter的过去式和过去分词 )；踉跄；蹒跚；摇摇欲坠

参考例句：

• The pile of books tottered then fell. 这堆书晃了几下，然后就倒了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The wounded soldier tottered to his feet. 伤员摇摇晃晃地站了起来。 来自《简明英汉词典》

18 scarlets   

鲜红色，猩红色( scarlet的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Silks and satins, scarlets and velvets, put out the kitchen fire as Poor Richard says. 正如穷理查所言：“丝绢绸缎，红衣绒布，使灶上没火。”

19 ragged   

adj.衣衫褴褛的，粗糙的，刺耳的

参考例句：

• A ragged shout went up from the small crowd.这一小群人发出了刺耳的喊叫。
• Ragged clothing infers poverty.破衣烂衫意味着贫穷。

20 indigo   

n.靛青，靛蓝

参考例句：

• The sky was indigo blue,and a great many stars were shining.天空一片深蓝，闪烁着点点繁星。
• He slipped into an indigo tank.他滑落到蓝靛桶中。

21 bluff   

v.虚张声势，用假象骗人；n.虚张声势，欺骗

参考例句：

• His threats are merely bluff.他的威胁仅仅是虚张声势。
• John is a deep card.No one can bluff him easily.约翰是个机灵鬼。谁也不容易欺骗他。

22 apprehensions   

疑惧

参考例句：

• He stood in a mixture of desire and apprehensions. 他怀着渴望和恐惧交加的心情伫立着。
• But subsequent cases have removed many of these apprehensions. 然而，随后的案例又消除了许多类似的忧虑。

23 traitor   

n.叛徒，卖国贼

参考例句：

• The traitor was finally found out and put in prison.那个卖国贼终于被人发现并被监禁了起来。
• He was sold out by a traitor and arrested.他被叛徒出卖而被捕了。

24 dame   

n.女士

参考例句：

• The dame tell of her experience as a wife and mother.这位年长妇女讲了她作妻子和母亲的经验。
• If you stick around,you'll have to marry that dame.如果再逗留多一会，你就要跟那个夫人结婚。

25 amends   

n. 赔偿

参考例句：

• He made amends for his rudeness by giving her some flowers. 他送给她一些花，为他自己的鲁莽赔罪。
• This country refuses stubbornly to make amends for its past war crimes. 该国顽固地拒绝为其过去的战争罪行赔罪。

26 muse   

n.缪斯（希腊神话中的女神），创作灵感

参考例句：

• His muse had deserted him,and he could no longer write.他已无灵感，不能再写作了。
• Many of the papers muse on the fate of the President.很多报纸都在揣测总统的命运。

27 temperately   

adv.节制地，适度地

参考例句：

• We are not spending extravagantly, but spending reasonably and temperately. 他们不是在挥霍无度的消费，而是合理的有节制的花费。 来自互联网
• He used the privileges of his office temperately. 他有节制地使用了自己的职务特权。 来自互联网

28 omens   

n.前兆，预兆( omen的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The omens for the game are still not propitious. 这场比赛仍不被看好。 来自辞典例句
• Such omens betide no good. 这种征兆预示情况不妙。 来自辞典例句

29 auguries   

n.（古罗马）占卜术，占卜仪式( augury的名词复数 )；预兆

参考例句：

• So far, the auguries look gloomy. 但迄今为止，前景似乎不容乐观。 来自互联网

30 truce   

n.休战，(争执，烦恼等的)缓和；v.以停战结束

参考例句：

• The hot weather gave the old man a truce from rheumatism.热天使这位老人暂时免受风湿病之苦。
• She had thought of flying out to breathe the fresh air in an interval of truce.她想跑出去呼吸一下休战期间的新鲜空气。

31 credulous   

adj.轻信的，易信的

参考例句：

• You must be credulous if she fooled you with that story.连她那种话都能把你骗倒，你一定是太容易相信别人了。
• Credulous attitude will only make you take anything for granted.轻信的态度只会使你想当然。

32 tormented   

饱受折磨的

参考例句：

• The knowledge of his guilt tormented him. 知道了自己的罪责使他非常痛苦。
• He had lain awake all night, tormented by jealousy. 他彻夜未眠，深受嫉妒的折磨。

33 oracles   

神示所( oracle的名词复数 )； 神谕； 圣贤； 哲人

参考例句：

• Do all oracles tell the truth? 是否所有的神谕都揭示真理？ 来自哲学部分
• The ancient oracles were often vague and equivocal. 古代的神谕常是意义模糊和模棱两可的。

34 astute   

adj.机敏的，精明的

参考例句：

• A good leader must be an astute judge of ability.一个优秀的领导人必须善于识别人的能力。
• The criminal was very astute and well matched the detective in intelligence.这个罪犯非常狡猾，足以对付侦探的机智。

35 odds   

n.让步，机率，可能性，比率；胜败优劣之别

参考例句：

• The odds are 5 to 1 that she will win.她获胜的机会是五比一。
• Do you know the odds of winning the lottery once?你知道赢得一次彩票的几率多大吗？

36 ribs   

n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 )；（船或屋顶等的）肋拱；肋骨状的东西；（织物的）凸条花纹

参考例句：

• He suffered cracked ribs and bruising. 他断了肋骨还有挫伤。
• Make a small incision below the ribs. 在肋骨下方切开一个小口。

37 wield   

vt.行使，运用，支配；挥，使用(武器等)

参考例句：

• They wield enormous political power.他们行使巨大的政治权力。
• People may wield the power in a democracy.在民主国家里，人民可以行使权力。

38 reassuring   

a.使人消除恐惧和疑虑的，使人放心的

参考例句：

• He gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. 他轻拍了一下她的肩膀让她放心。
• With a reassuring pat on her arm, he left. 他鼓励地拍了拍她的手臂就离开了。

39 pouch   

n.小袋，小包，囊状袋；vt.装...入袋中，用袋运输；vi.用袋送信件

参考例句：

• He was going to make a tobacco pouch out of them. 他要用它们缝制一个烟草袋。
• The old man is always carrying a tobacco pouch with him.这老汉总是随身带着烟袋。

40 waned   

v.衰落( wane的过去式和过去分词 )；（月）亏；变小；变暗淡

参考例句：

• However,my enthusiasm waned.The time I spent at exercises gradually diminished. 然而，我的热情减退了。我在做操上花的时间逐渐减少了。 来自《用法词典》
• The bicycle craze has waned. 自行车热已冷下去了。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

41 dilated   

adj.加宽的，扩大的v.（使某物）扩大，膨胀，张大( dilate的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Her eyes dilated with fear. 她吓得瞪大了眼睛。
• The cat dilated its eyes. 猫瞪大了双眼。 来自《简明英汉词典》

42 lurked   

vi.潜伏，埋伏（lurk的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• The murderers lurked behind the trees. 谋杀者埋伏在树后。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Treachery lurked behind his smooth manners. 他圆滑姿态的后面潜伏着奸计。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

43 doggerel   

n.拙劣的诗，打油诗

参考例句：

• The doggerel doesn't filiate itself.这首打油诗没有标明作者是谁。
• He styled his poem doggerel.他把他的这首诗歌叫做打油诗。

44 heeded   

v.听某人的劝告，听从( heed的过去式和过去分词 )；变平，使（某物）变平( flatten的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• She countered that her advice had not been heeded. 她反驳说她的建议未被重视。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I heeded my doctor's advice and stopped smoking. 我听从医生的劝告，把烟戒了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

45 witchcraft   

n.魔法，巫术

参考例句：

• The woman practising witchcraft claimed that she could conjure up the spirits of the dead.那个女巫说她能用魔法召唤亡灵。
• All these things that you call witchcraft are capable of a natural explanation.被你们统统叫做巫术的那些东西都可以得到合情合理的解释。

46 delusive   

adj.欺骗的，妄想的

参考例句：

• Most of the people realized that their scheme was simply a delusive snare.大多数人都认识到他们的诡计不过是一个骗人的圈套。
• Everyone knows that fairy isles are delusive and illusive things,still everyone wishes they were real.明知神山缥缈，却愿其有。

47 alas   

int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等)

参考例句：

• Alas!The window is broken!哎呀！窗子破了！
• Alas,the truth is less romantic.然而，真理很少带有浪漫色彩。

48 calamity   

n.灾害，祸患，不幸事件

参考例句：

• Even a greater natural calamity cannot daunt us. 再大的自然灾害也压不垮我们。
• The attack on Pearl Harbor was a crushing calamity.偷袭珍珠港(对美军来说)是一场毁灭性的灾难。

49 anguish   

n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼

参考例句：

• She cried out for anguish at parting.分手时，她由于痛苦而失声大哭。
• The unspeakable anguish wrung his heart.难言的痛苦折磨着他的心。

50 nay   

adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者

参考例句：

• He was grateful for and proud of his son's remarkable,nay,unique performance.他为儿子出色的，不，应该是独一无二的表演心怀感激和骄傲。
• Long essays,nay,whole books have been written on this.许多长篇大论的文章，不，应该说是整部整部的书都是关于这件事的。

51 misery   

n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦

参考例句：

• Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。
• He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。