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Chapter X.
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I HAD not a very good night after these troubles: somehow one’s sleep goes from one more easily when one grows old; and I kept dreaming all the night through of my sister and little Sara, and something they were concealing1 from me, mixing them both up together in my mind. I rose very uneasy and excited, not a bit refreshed, as one should feel in the morning. One thing very strange I have noticed all my life in dreams. Though never a single thing that one dreams{35} should ever come true, the feeling one has comes true somehow. I don’t know whether anybody will understand me. I have had friends in my young days, whom I thought a great deal upon, that did not prove true to me. And I have remarked, often long before I found them out, however fond or trustful in them I was through the day, I was always uneasy in my dreams, always finding out something wrong or meeting some unkindness—which makes me have a great confidence, not in what you would call dreams, you know, but in the sentiment of dreams, if you can understand what I mean. I woke up very unrefreshed, as I say; and got dressed and came downstairs as soon as it was daylight, though I knew well enough I should find nobody there. My sister always breakfasted in her own room, and Sara was late of coming down at the best of times; however, I got some letters about business, which were perhaps the best things I could have had. They put me off minding my quarrel with little Sara, or trying to find out what had kept Sarah so late on her drive.

I had nearly finished breakfast when little Sara came downstairs. She came up to me just as she had done the night before, holding out her hand and stooping down her cheek to be kissed, but not looking at me. I kissed her, the provoking puss, and poured out her coffee. And after ten minutes or so we got on chatting just as usual, which was a relief to me, for I don’t like apologies and explanations. I never could bear them. Little Sara, after she had got over feeling a little awkward and stiff, as people always do when they have been wrong, was just in her ordinary. She was used to affront2 people and to have them come to again, the little wicked creature—I am afraid she did not mind.

This little quarrel had put Sarah a good deal out of my mind, I must allow, but I got back to being anxious about her directly when I saw her come down-stairs. I can’t tell what the change upon her was—she did not look older or paler, or anything that you could put plainly in words—she was just as particularly dressed, and had her silver-white curls as nice, and her cap as pretty as usual, but she was not the same as she had been yesterday; certainly there was some change. Not to speak of that little nervous motion of her head and hands, which was greater to-day than ever I had seen it, there was a strange vigilance and watchfulness3 in her look which I don’t remember to have ever seen there before. She looked me very full in the face, I remember with a sort of daring defying openness, and the same to little Sara, though, of course what{36} could the child know? All over, down to her very hands, as she went on with her knitting, there was a kind of self-consciousness that had a very odd effect upon me. I could not tell what in the world to think of it. And as for supposing that some mere4 common little accident, or a fright, or anything outside of herself, had woke her up to that look, you need not tell me. I have not lived fifty years in this world for nothing. I knew better. Whatever it was that changed Sarah’s look, the causes of it were deep down and secret in herself.

It was this of course that made me anxious and almost alarmed, for I could not but think she must have something on her mind to make her look so. And when she beckoned5 to me that afternoon after dinner, as she did when she had anything particular to say, I confess my heart went thump6 against my breast, and I trembled all over. However, I went close up as usual, and drew my chair towards her that I might hear. Little Sara was close by. She could hear too if she pleased, but Sarah took no notice of the child.

“Have you heard anything from Cresswell about Richard Mortimer?” Sarah asked me quite sharply all at once.

“Why, no: he did not say anything yesterday when he was here. Did you have any conversation with him?”

“I! Do I have any conversation with any one?” said Sarah, in her bitter way. “I want you to bestir yourself about this business, however. We must have an heir.”

“It is odd how little I have thought about it since that day—very odd,” said I; “and I was quite in earnest before. I wondered if Providence7 might, maybe, have taken it up now? I have seen such a thing: one falls off one’s anxiety somehow, one can’t tell how; and lo! the reason is, that the thing’s coming about all naturally without any help from you. We’ll be having the heir dropped down at the park gates some of these days, all as right and natural as ever was.”

I said this without thinking much about it; just because it was an idea of mine, that most times, when God lays a kind of lull8 upon our anxieties and struggles, it really turns out to be because He himself is taking them in hand; but having said this easy and calm, without anything particular in my mind, you may judge how I was startled half out of my wits by Sarah dashing down her knitting-pin out of her hand, stamping her foot on the footstool, and half screaming out in her sharp, strangled whisper, that sounded like the very voice of rage itself— {37} “The fool! the fool! oh, the fool! Shall I be obliged to leave my home and my seclusion9 and do it myself? I that might have been so different! Good God! shall I be obliged to do it—me! When I was a young girl I might have hoped to die a duchess,—everybody said so,—and now, instead of being cared for and shielded from the envious10 world,—people were always envious of me since ever I remember,—must I go trudging11 out to find this wretched cousin? Is this all the gratitude12 and natural feeling you have? Good heaven! to put such a thing upon me!”

She stopped, all panting and breathless, like a wild creature that had relieved itself somehow with a yell or a cry; but, strange, strange, at that moment Ellis opened the door. I will never think again she does not hear. The sound caught her in a moment. Her passion changed into that new watching look quicker than I can tell; and she sat with her eyes fixed13 upon me,—for, poor soul, to be sure she could not see through the screen behind her to find out what Ellis came for,—as if she could have killed me for the least motion. I got so excited myself that I could hardly see the name on the card Ellis brought in. Sarah’s looks, not to say her words, had put it so clearly in my mind that something was going to happen, that my self-possession almost forsook14 me. I let the card flutter down out of my hand when I lifted it off the tray, and did not hear a single syllable15 of what the man was saying till he had repeated it all twice over. It was only a neighbour who had sent over to ask for Miss Mortimer, having heard somehow that Sarah was poorly. She heard him herself, however, and gave an answer—her compliments, and she was quite well—before I knew what it was all about. If she had boxed me well she could not have muddled16 my head half so much as she had done now. When Ellis went away again, and left me alone close by her, I quite shook in my chair.

But she had got over her rage as it seemed. She stooped down to pick up her knitting-pin—with a little pettish17 exclamation18 that nobody helped her now-a-days—just in her usual way, and took up the dropt stitches in her knitting. But I could very well see that her hand trembled. As she did not say any more, I thought I might venture to draw back my chair. But when she saw the motion she started, looked up at me, and held up her hand. I was not to get so easily away.

“I had no idea you minded it so much. Well, well, Sarah,” cried I, in desperation, “I will write this moment to urge Mr. Cresswell on.”{38}

“And shout it all out, please, that the child may hear!” said Sarah, with a spiteful look as if she could bite me. I was actually afraid of her. I got up as fast as I could, and went off to the writing-table at the other end of the room. There was nothing I would not do to please her in a rational way; but, of all the vagaries19 she ever took up before, what did this dreadful passion mean?

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 concealing 0522a013e14e769c5852093b349fdc9d     
v.隐藏,隐瞒,遮住( conceal的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • Despite his outward display of friendliness, I sensed he was concealing something. 尽管他表现得友善,我还是感觉到他有所隐瞒。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • SHE WAS BREAKING THE COMPACT, AND CONCEALING IT FROM HIM. 她违反了他们之间的约定,还把他蒙在鼓里。 来自英汉文学 - 三万元遗产
2 affront pKvy6     
n./v.侮辱,触怒
参考例句:
  • Your behaviour is an affront to public decency.你的行为有伤风化。
  • This remark caused affront to many people.这句话得罪了不少人。
3 watchfulness 2ecdf1f27c52a55029bd5400ce8c70a4     
警惕,留心; 警觉(性)
参考例句:
  • The escort and the universal watchfulness had completely isolated him. 护送和普遍一致的监视曾经使他完全孤立。
  • A due watchfulness on the movements of the enemy was maintained. 他们对敌人的行动还是相当警惕的。
4 mere rC1xE     
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过
参考例句:
  • That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
  • It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。
5 beckoned b70f83e57673dfe30be1c577dd8520bc     
v.(用头或手的动作)示意,召唤( beckon的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He beckoned to the waiter to bring the bill. 他招手示意服务生把账单送过来。
  • The seated figure in the corner beckoned me over. 那个坐在角落里的人向我招手让我过去。 来自《简明英汉词典》
6 thump sq2yM     
v.重击,砰然地响;n.重击,重击声
参考例句:
  • The thief hit him a thump on the head.贼在他的头上重击一下。
  • The excitement made her heart thump.她兴奋得心怦怦地跳。
7 providence 8tdyh     
n.深谋远虑,天道,天意;远见;节约;上帝
参考例句:
  • It is tempting Providence to go in that old boat.乘那艘旧船前往是冒大险。
  • To act as you have done is to fly in the face of Providence.照你的所作所为那样去行事,是违背上帝的意志的。
8 lull E8hz7     
v.使安静,使入睡,缓和,哄骗;n.暂停,间歇
参考例句:
  • The drug put Simpson in a lull for thirty minutes.药物使辛普森安静了30分钟。
  • Ground fighting flared up again after a two-week lull.经过两个星期的平静之后,地面战又突然爆发了。
9 seclusion 5DIzE     
n.隐遁,隔离
参考例句:
  • She liked to sunbathe in the seclusion of her own garden.她喜欢在自己僻静的花园里晒日光浴。
  • I live very much in seclusion these days.这些天我过着几乎与世隔绝的生活。
10 envious n8SyX     
adj.嫉妒的,羡慕的
参考例句:
  • I don't think I'm envious of your success.我想我并不嫉妒你的成功。
  • She is envious of Jane's good looks and covetous of her car.她既忌妒简的美貌又垂涎她的汽车。
11 trudging f66543befe0044651f745d00cf696010     
vt.& vi.跋涉,吃力地走(trudge的现在分词形式)
参考例句:
  • There was a stream of refugees trudging up the valley towards the border. 一队难民步履艰难地爬上山谷向着边境走去。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Two mules well laden with packs were trudging along. 两头骡子驮着沉重的背包,吃力地往前走。 来自辞典例句
12 gratitude p6wyS     
adj.感激,感谢
参考例句:
  • I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
  • She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。
13 fixed JsKzzj     
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的
参考例句:
  • Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗?
  • Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定,我们就不应该随意改变。
14 forsook 15e454d354d8a31a3863bce576df1451     
forsake的过去式
参考例句:
  • He faithlessly forsook his friends in their hour of need. 在最需要的时刻他背信弃义地抛弃朋友。
  • She forsook her worldly possessions to devote herself to the church. 她抛弃世上的财物而献身教会。
15 syllable QHezJ     
n.音节;vt.分音节
参考例句:
  • You put too much emphasis on the last syllable.你把最后一个音节读得太重。
  • The stress on the last syllable is light.最后一个音节是轻音节。
16 muddled cb3d0169d47a84e95c0dfa5c4d744221     
adj.混乱的;糊涂的;头脑昏昏然的v.弄乱,弄糟( muddle的过去式);使糊涂;对付,混日子
参考例句:
  • He gets muddled when the teacher starts shouting. 老师一喊叫他就心烦意乱。
  • I got muddled up and took the wrong turning. 我稀里糊涂地拐错了弯。 来自《简明英汉词典》
17 pettish LNUxx     
adj.易怒的,使性子的
参考例句:
  • I can't act in pettish to you any further.我再也不能对你撒娇了。
  • He was getting more and more pettish and hysterical.他变得越来越任性,越来越歇斯底里。
18 exclamation onBxZ     
n.感叹号,惊呼,惊叹词
参考例句:
  • He could not restrain an exclamation of approval.他禁不住喝一声采。
  • The author used three exclamation marks at the end of the last sentence to wake up the readers.作者在文章的最后一句连用了三个惊叹号,以引起读者的注意。
19 vagaries 594130203d5d42a756196aa8975299ad     
n.奇想( vagary的名词复数 );异想天开;异常行为;难以预测的情况
参考例句:
  • The vagaries of fortune are indeed curious.\" 命运的变化莫测真是不可思议。” 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹
  • The vagaries of inclement weather conditions are avoided to a certain extent. 可以在一定程度上避免变化莫测的恶劣气候影响。 来自辞典例句


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