Rasheed, anxious and overly attentive5, was holding her elbow,directing her across the yard like a traffic policeman. He madeaWait here gesture, rushed to the front gate, then motioned forthe girl to come forward, one foot propping6 the gate open.
When she reached him, he took her by the hand, helped herthrough the gate. Mariam could almost hear him say,"Watchyour step, now, my flower, my gul."They came back early the next evening.
Mariam saw Rasheed enter the yard first. He let the gate goprematurely, and it almost hit the girl on the face. He crossedthe yard in a few, quick steps. Mariam detected a shadow onhis face, a darkness underlying7 the coppery light of dusk. Inthe house, he took off his coat, threw it on the couch.
Brushing past Mariam, he said in a brusque voice, "I'm hungry.
Get supper ready."The front door to the house opened. From the hallway,Mariam saw the girl, a swaddled bundle in the hook of her leftarm. She had one foot outside, the other inside, against thedoor, to prevent it from springing shut. She was stooped overand was grunting9, trying to reach for the paper bag ofbelongings that she had put down in order to open the door.
Herface was grimacing10 with effort. She looked up and sawMariam.
Mariam turned around and went to the kitchen to warmRasheed'smeal.
* * *"Irs like someone is ramming11 a screwdriver12 into my ear,"Rasheed said, rubbing his eyes.He was standing13 in Mariam'sdoor, puffy-eyed, wearing only aiumban tied with a floppyknot.His white hair was straggly, pointing every which way.
"This crying. I can't stand it."Downstairs, the girl was walking the baby across the floor,trying to sing to her.
"I haven't had adecent night's sleep in twomonths," Rasheedsaid. "And the room smells like a sewer14. There'sshit cloths lyingall over the place. I stepped on onejust the other night."Mariam smirked15 inwardly with perverse16 pleasure.
"Take her outside!" Rasheed yelled over his shoulder. "Can'tyou take her outside?"The singing was suspended briefly17."She'll catch pneumonia18!""It's summertime!"'What?
Rasheed clenched19 his teeth and raised his voice. "I said, It'swarm out!""I'm not taking her outside!"The singing resumed"Sometimes, I swear, sometimes I want to put that thing in abox and let her float down Kabul River. Like baby Moses."Mariam never heard him call his daughter by the name thegirl had given her, Aziza, the Cherished One. It was alwaysthebaby, or, when he was really exasperated,thai thing.
Some nights, Mariam overheard them arguing. She tiptoed totheir door, listened to him complain about the baby-always thebaby-the insistent20 crying, the smells, the toys that made himtrip, the way the baby had hijacked21 Laila's attentions from himwith constant demands to be fed, burped, changed, walked,held. The girl, in turn, scolded him for smoking in the room,for not letting the baby sleep with them.
There were other arguments waged in voices pitched low.
"The doctor said six weeks.""Not yet, Rasheed. No. Let go. Come on. Don't do that.""It's been two months.""Sshi.There. You woke up the baby." Then moresharply,"Khosh shodi? Happy now?"Mariam would sneak22 back to her room.
"Can't you help?" Rasheed said now. "There must besomething you can do.""What do I know about babies?" Mariam said.
"Rasheed! Can you bring the bottle? It's sitting on thealmari.
She won't feed. I want to try the bottle again."The baby's screeching23 rose and fell like a cleaver24 on meat.
Rasheed closed his eyes. "That thing is a warlord. Hekmatyar.
I'm telling you, Laila's given birth to Gulbuddin Hekmatyar."* * *Mariam watched as the girl's days became consumed withcycles of feeding, rocking, bouncing, walking. Even when thebaby napped, there were soiled diapers to scrub and leave tosoak in a pail of the disinfectant that the girl had insistedRasheed buy for her. There were fingernails to trim withsandpaper, coveralls and pajamas25 to wash and hang to dry.
These clothes, like other things about the baby, became a pointof contention26.
"What's the matter with them?" Rasheed said"They're boys' clothes. For abacha""You think she knows the difference? I paid good money forthose clothes. And another thing, I don't care for that tone.
Consider that a warning."Every week, without fail, the girl heated a black metal brazierover a flame, tossed a pinch of wild rue27 seeds in it, andwafted theespandi smoke in her baby's direction to ward2 offevil.
Mariam found it exhausting to watch the girl's lollopingenthusiasm-and had to admit, if only privately28, to a degree ofadmiration. She marveled at how the girl's eyes shone withworship, even in the mornings when her face drooped29 and hercomplexion was waxy30 from a night's worth of walking the baby.
The girl had fits of laughter when the baby passed gas. Thetiniest changes in the baby enchanted31 her, and everything it didwas declared spectacular.
"Look! She's reaching for the rattle32. How clever she is.""I'll call the newspapers," said Rasheed.
Every night, there were demonstrations33. When the girl insistedhe witness something, Rasheed tipped his chin upward and castan impatient, sidelong glance down the blue-veined hook of hisnose.
"Watch. Watch how she laughs when I snap my fingers.
There. See? Did you see?"Rasheed would grunt8, and go back to his plate. Mariamremembered how the girl's mere34 presence used to overwhelmhim. Everything she said used to please him, intrigue35 him,make him look up from his plate and nod with approval.
The strange thing was, the girl's fall from grace ought to havepleased Mariam, brought her a sense of vindication36. But itdidn't. It didn't. To her own surprise, Mariam found herselfpitying the girl.
It was also over dinner that the girl let loose a steady streamof worries. Topping the list was pneumonia, which wassuspected with every minor37 cough. Then there was dysentery,the specter of which was raised with every loose stool. Everyrash was either chicken pox or measles38.
"You should not get so attached," Rasheed said one night.
"What do you mean?""I was listening to the radio the other night. Voice of America.
I heard an interesting statistic39. They said that in Afghanistanone out of four children will die before the age of five. That'swhat they said. Now, they-What? What? Where are you going?
Come back here. Get back here this instant!"He gave Mariam a bewildered look. "What's the matter withher?"That night, Mariam was lying in bed when the bickeringstarted again. It was a hot, dry summer night, typical of themonth ofSaratan in Kabul. Mariam had opened her window,then shut it when no breeze came through to temper the heat,only mosquitoes. She could feel the heat rising from the groundoutside, through the wheat brown, splintered planks41 of theouthouse in the yard, up through the walls and into her room.
Usually, the bickering40 ran its course after a few minutes, buthalf an hour passed and not only was it still going on, it wasescalating. Mariam could hear Rasheed shouting now. The girl'svoice, underneath42 his, was tentative and shrill43. Soon the babywas wailing44.
Then Mariam heard their door open violently. In the morning,she would find the doorknob's circular impression in thehallway wall. She was sitting up in bed when her own doorslammed open and Rasheed came through.
He was wearing white underpants and a matching undershirt,stained yellow in the underarms with sweat. On his feet hewore flip-flops. He held a belt in his hand, the brown leatherone he'd bought for hisnikka with the girl, and was wrappingthe perforated end around his fist.
"It's your doing. I know it is," he snarled45, advancing on her.
Mariam slid out of her bed and began backpedaling. Herarms instinctively46 crossed over her chest, where he often struckher first.
"What are you talking about?" she stammered47.
"Her denying me. You're teaching her to."Over the years, Mariam had learned to harden herself againsthis scorn and reproach, his ridiculing48 and reprimanding. Butthis fear she had no control over. All these years and still sheshivered with fright when he was like this, sneering49, tighteningthe belt around his fist, the creaking of the leather, the glint inhis bloodshot eyes. It was the fear of the goat, released in thetiger's cage, when the tiger first looks up from its paws, beginsto growl-Now the girl was in the room, her eyes wide, her facecontorted"I should have known that you'd corrupt50 her," Rasheed spatat Mariam. He swung the belt, testing it against his own thigh51.
The buckle52 jingled53 loudly.
"Stop it,basl" the girl said. "Rasheed, you can't do this.""Go back to the room."Mariam backpedaled again.
"No! Don't do this!"Now!
Rasheed raised the belt again and this time came at Mariam.
Then an astonishing thing happened: The girl lunged at him.
She grabbed his arm with both hands and tried to drag himdown, but she could do no more than dangle54 from it. She didsucceed in slowing Rasheed's progress toward Mariam.
"Let go!" Rasheed cried.
"You win. You win. Don't do this. Please, Rasheed, no beating!
Please don't do this."They struggled like this, the girl hanging on, pleading, Rasheedtrying to shake her off, keeping his eyes on Mariam, who wastoo stunned55 to do anything.
In the end, Mariam knew that there would be no beating, notthat night. He'd made his point. He stayed that way a fewmoments longer, arm raised, chest heaving, a fine sheen ofsweat filming his brow. Slowly, Rasheed lowered his arm. Thegirl's feet touched ground and still she wouldn't let go, as ifshe didn't trust him. He had to yank his arm free of her grip.
"I'm on to you," he said, slinging56 the belt over his shoulder.
"I'm on to you both. I won't be made anahmaq, a fool, in myown house."He threw Mariam one last, murderous stare, and gave the girla shove in the back on the way out.
When she heard their door close, Mariam climbed back intobed, buried her head beneath the pillow, and waited for theshaking to stop.
* * *Three times that night, Mariam was awakened57 from sleep. Thefirst time, it was the rumble58 of rockets in the west, comingfrom the direction of Karteh-Char. The second time, it was thebaby crying downstairs, the girl's shushing, the clatter59 of spoonagainst milk bottle. Finally, it was thirst that pulled her out ofbed.
Downstairs, the living room was dark, save for a bar ofmoonlight spilling through the window. Mariam could hear thebuzzing of a fly somewhere, could make out the outline of thecast-iron stove in the corner, its pipe jutting60 up, then making asharp angle just below the ceiling.
On her way to the kitchen, Mariam nearly tripped oversomething. There was a shape at her feet. When her eyesadjusted, she made out the girl and her baby lying on thefloor on top of a quilt.
The girl was sleeping on her side, snoring. The baby wasawake. Mariam lit the kerosene61 lamp on the table andhunkered down. In the light, she had her first real close-uplook at the baby, the tuft of dark hair, the thick-lashed hazeleyes, the pink cheeks, and lips the color of ripe pomegranate.
Mariam had the impression that the baby too was examiningher. She was lying on her back, her head tilted62 sideways,looking at Mariam intently with a mixture of amusement,confusion, and suspicion. Mariam wondered if her face mightfrighten her, but then the baby squealed63 happily and Mariamknew that a favorable judgment64 had been passed on herbehalf.
"Shh,"Mariam whispered "You'll wake up your mother, halfdeaf as she is."The baby's hand balled into a fist. It rose, fell, found a spasticpath to her mouth. Around a mouthful of her own hand, thebaby gave Mariam a grin, little bubbles of spittle shining on herlips.
"Look at you. What a sorry sight you are, dressed like adamn boy. And all bundled up in this heat. No wonder you'restill awake."Mariam pulled the blanket off the baby, was horrified65 to finda second one beneath, clucked her tongue, and pulled that oneoff too. The baby giggled66 with relief. She flapped her arms likea bird.
"Better,nayTAs Mariam was pulling back, the baby grabbed her pinkie.
The tiny fingers curled themselves tightly around it. They feltwarm and soft, moist with drool.
"Gunuh,"the baby said.
"All right, Ms; let go."The baby hung on, kicked her legs again.
Mariam pulled her finger free. The baby smiled and made aseries of gurgling sounds. The knuckles67 went back to themouth.
"What are you so happy about? Huh? What are you smilingat? You're not so clever as your mother says. You have abrute for a father and a fool for a mother. You wouldn't smileso much if you knew. No you wouldn't. Go to sleep, now. Goon."Mariam rose to her feet and walked a few steps before thebaby started making theeh, eh, eh sounds that Mariam knewsignaled the onset68 of a hearty69 cry. She retraced70 her steps.
"What is it? What do you want fromme?"The baby grinned toothlessly.
Mariam sighed. She sat down and let her finger be grabbed,looked on as the baby squeaked71, as she flexed72 her plump legsat the hips73 and kicked air. Mariam sat there, watching, untilthe baby stopped moving and began snoring softly.
Outside, mockingbirds were singing blithely74, and, once in awhile, when the songsters took flight, Mariam could see theirwings catching75 the phosphorescent blue of moonlight beamingthrough the clouds. And though her throat was parched76 withthirst and her feet burned with pins and needles, it was a longtime before Mariam gently freed her finger from the baby's gripand got up.
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1
tottering
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| adj.蹒跚的，动摇的v.走得或动得不稳( totter的现在分词 )；踉跄；蹒跚；摇摇欲坠 | |
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ward
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| n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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taut
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| adj.拉紧的，绷紧的，紧张的 | |
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attentive
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| adj.注意的，专心的；关心(别人)的，殷勤的 | |
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propping
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| 支撑 | |
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underlying
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| adj.在下面的，含蓄的，潜在的 | |
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grunt
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| v.嘟哝；作呼噜声；n.呼噜声，嘟哝 | |
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grunting
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| 咕哝的，呼噜的 | |
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grimacing
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| v.扮鬼相，做鬼脸( grimace的现在分词 ) | |
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11
ramming
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| n.打结炉底v.夯实（土等）( ram的现在分词 )；猛撞；猛压；反复灌输 | |
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12
screwdriver
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| n.螺丝起子；伏特加橙汁鸡尾酒 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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14
sewer
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| n.排水沟，下水道 | |
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15
smirked
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| v.傻笑( smirk的过去分词 ) | |
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16
perverse
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| adj.刚愎的；坚持错误的，行为反常的 | |
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17
briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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18
pneumonia
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| n.肺炎 | |
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19
clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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20
insistent
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| adj.迫切的，坚持的 | |
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21
hijacked
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| 劫持( hijack的过去式和过去分词 )； 绑架； 拦路抢劫； 操纵（会议等，以推销自己的意图） | |
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22
sneak
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| vt.潜行(隐藏,填石缝)；偷偷摸摸做；n.潜行；adj.暗中进行 | |
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23
screeching
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| v.发出尖叫声( screech的现在分词 )；发出粗而刺耳的声音；高叫 | |
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24
cleaver
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| n.切肉刀 | |
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pajamas
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| n.睡衣裤 | |
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26
contention
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| n.争论，争辩，论战；论点，主张 | |
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rue
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| n.懊悔，芸香，后悔；v.后悔，悲伤，懊悔 | |
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28
privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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29
drooped
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| 弯曲或下垂，发蔫( droop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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30
waxy
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| adj.苍白的；光滑的 | |
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31
enchanted
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| adj. 被施魔法的，陶醉的，入迷的 动词enchant的过去式和过去分词 | |
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32
rattle
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| v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓 | |
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33
demonstrations
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| 证明( demonstration的名词复数 )； 表明； 表达； 游行示威 | |
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34
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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35
intrigue
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| vt.激起兴趣，迷住；vi.耍阴谋；n.阴谋，密谋 | |
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36
vindication
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| n.洗冤，证实 | |
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minor
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| adj.较小(少)的，较次要的；n.辅修学科；vi.辅修 | |
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38
measles
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| n.麻疹，风疹，包虫病，痧子 | |
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39
statistic
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| n.统计量；adj.统计的，统计学的 | |
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40
bickering
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| v.争吵( bicker的现在分词 )；口角；（水等）作潺潺声；闪烁 | |
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41
planks
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| （厚）木板( plank的名词复数 )； 政纲条目，政策要点 | |
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42
underneath
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| adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面 | |
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43
shrill
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| adj.尖声的；刺耳的；v尖叫 | |
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44
wailing
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| v.哭叫，哀号( wail的现在分词 )；沱 | |
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45
snarled
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| v.（指狗）吠，嗥叫， （人）咆哮( snarl的过去式和过去分词 )；咆哮着说，厉声地说 | |
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46
instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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47
stammered
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| v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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48
ridiculing
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| v.嘲笑，嘲弄，奚落( ridicule的现在分词 ) | |
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49
sneering
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| 嘲笑的，轻蔑的 | |
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50
corrupt
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| v.贿赂，收买；adj.腐败的，贪污的 | |
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51
thigh
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| n.大腿；股骨 | |
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52
buckle
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| n.扣子，带扣；v.把...扣住，由于压力而弯曲 | |
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53
jingled
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| 喝醉的 | |
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54
dangle
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| v.(使)悬荡，(使)悬垂 | |
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55
stunned
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| adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
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56
slinging
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| 抛( sling的现在分词 )； 吊挂； 遣送； 押往 | |
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57
awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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58
rumble
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| n.隆隆声；吵嚷；v.隆隆响；低沉地说 | |
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59
clatter
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| v./n.(使)发出连续而清脆的撞击声 | |
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60
jutting
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| v.（使）突出( jut的现在分词 )；伸出；（从…）突出；高出 | |
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61
kerosene
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| n.(kerosine)煤油，火油 | |
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62
tilted
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| v. 倾斜的 | |
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63
squealed
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| v.长声尖叫，用长而尖锐的声音说( squeal的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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64
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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65
horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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66
giggled
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| v.咯咯地笑( giggle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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67
knuckles
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| n.（指人）指关节( knuckle的名词复数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝v.（指人）指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝 | |
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68
onset
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| n.进攻，袭击，开始，突然开始 | |
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69
hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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70
retraced
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| v.折回( retrace的过去式和过去分词 )；回忆；回顾；追溯 | |
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71
squeaked
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| v.短促地尖叫( squeak的过去式和过去分词 )；吱吱叫；告密；充当告密者 | |
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72
flexed
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| adj.[医]曲折的，屈曲v.屈曲( flex的过去式和过去分词 )；弯曲；（为准备大干而）显示实力；摩拳擦掌 | |
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73
hips
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| abbr.high impact polystyrene 高冲击强度聚苯乙烯，耐冲性聚苯乙烯n.臀部( hip的名词复数 )；[建筑学]屋脊；臀围（尺寸）；臀部…的 | |
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74
blithely
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| adv.欢乐地，快活地，无挂虑地 | |
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75
catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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76
parched
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| adj.焦干的；极渴的；v.（使）焦干 | |
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