"He had the prettiest lashes5, thick like yours. A good chin, afine nose, and a round forehead. Oh, your father washandsome, Aziza. He was perfect. Perfect, like you are."But she was careful never to mention him by name.
Sometimes she caught Rasheed looking at Aziza in the mostpeculiar way. The other night, sitting on the bedroom floor,where he was shaving a corn from his foot, he said quitecasually, "So what was it like between you two?"Laila had given him a puzzled look, as though she didn'tunderstand.
"Laili and Majnoon. You and theyakknga,the cripple. What wasit you had, he and you?""He was my friend," she said, careful that her voice not shifttoo much in key.She busied herself making a bottle."You knowthat.""I don't knowwhat Iknow." Rasheed deposited the shavings onthe windowsill and dropped onto the bed. The springsprotested with a loud creak. He splayed his legs, picked at hiscrotch. "And as….friends, did the two of you ever do anythingout of order?""Out of order?"Rasheed smiled lightheartedly, but Laila could feel his gaze,cold and watchful6. "Let me see, now. Well, did heever give youa kiss? Maybeput his hand where it didn't belong?"Laila winced7 with, she hoped, an indignant air. She could feelher heart drumming in her throat."He was like abrother tome.""So he was a friend or a brother?""Both. He^""Which was it?""He was like both.""But brothers and sisters are creatures of curiosity.Yes.
Sometimes a brother lets his sister see his pecker, and asisterwill-""You sicken me," Laila said.
"So there was nothing.""I don't want to talk about this anymore."Rasheed tilted8 his head, pursed his lips, nodded. "Peoplegossiped, you know. I remember. They said all sorts of thingsabout you two. But you're saying there was nothing."She willed herself to glare athim.
He held her eyesfor an excruciatingly long time in anunblinking way that made her knuckles go pale around themilkbottle, and it took all that Laila could muster10 to not falter11.
She shuddered12 at what he would do if hefound out that shehad been stealing from him. Every week, since Aziza's birth,she pried13 his wallet open when he wasasleep or in theouthouse and took a single bill. Some weeks, if the wallet waslight, she took only a five-afghanibill, or nothing at all, for fearthat he would notice. When the wallet was plump, shehelpedherself to a ten or a twenty, once even risking twotwenties. She hid the money in a pouchshe'd sewn in the liningof her checkered14 winter coat.
She wondered what he would do if he knew that she wasplanning to run away next spring. Next summer at the latest.
Laila hoped to have a thousand afghanis or more stowed away,half of which would go to the bus fare from Kabul toPeshawar. She would pawn15 her wedding ring when the timedrew close, as well as the other jewelry16 that Rasheed hadgiven her the year before when she was still themalika of hispalace.
"Anyway," he said at last, fingers drumming his belly17, "I can'tbe blamed. I am a husband. These are the things a husbandwonders. But he's lucky he died the way he did. Because if hewas here now, if I got my hands on him…" He suckedthrough his teeth and shook his head.
"What happened to not speaking ill of the dead?""I guess some people can't be dead enough," he said.
* * *Two days later, Laila woke up in the morning and found astack of baby clothes, neatly18 folded, outside her bedroom door.
There was a twirl dress with little pink fishes sewn around thebodice, a blue floral wool dress with matching socks andmittens, yellow pajamas19 with carrot-colored polka dots, andgreen cotton pants with a dotted ruffle20 on the cuff21.
"There is a rumor22," Rasheed said over dinner that night,smacking his lips, taking no notice of Aziza or the pajamasLaila had put on her, "that Dostum is going to change sidesand join Hekmatyar. Massoud will have his hands full then,fighting those two. And we mustn't forget the Hazaras." Hetook a pinch of the pickled eggplant Mariam had made thatsummer. "Let's hope it's just that, a rumor. Because if thathappens, this war," he waved one greasy23 hand, "will seem likea Friday picnic at Paghman."Later, he mounted her and relieved himself with wordlesshaste, fully24 dressed save for histumban, not removed but pulleddown to the ankles. When the frantic25 rocking was over, herolled off her and was asleep in minutes.
Laila slipped out of the bedroom and found Mariam in thekitchen squatting26, cleaning a pair of trout27. A pot of rice wasalready soaking beside her. The kitchen smelled like cumin andsmoke, browned onions and fish.
Laila sat in a comer and draped her knees with the hem9 ofher dress.
"Thank you," she said.
Mariam took no notice of her. She finished cutting up the firsttrout and picked up the second. With a serrated knife, sheclipped the fins28, then turned the fish over, its underbelly facingher, and sliced it expertly from the tail to the gills. Lailawatched her put her thumb into its mouth, just over the lowerjaw, push it in, and, in one downward stroke, remove the gillsand the entrails.
"The clothes are lovely.""I had no use for them," Mariam muttered. She dropped thefish on a newspaper smudged with slimy, gray juice and slicedoff its head. "It was either your daughter or the moths29.""Where did you learn to clean fish like that?""When I was a little girl, I lived by a stream. I used tocatchmy ownfish.""I've never fished""Not much toit. It's mostly waiting."Lailawatched her cut the gutted30 trout into thirds. "Did yousew the clothes yourself?"Mariam nodded.
"When?"Mariamrinsed sections offish in a bowl of water. "When I waspregnant the first time. Or maybe the second time. Eighteen,nineteen years ago. Long time, anyhow. Like I said, I neverhad anyuse for them.""You're a really goodkhayai. Maybe you can teach me."Mariam placed the rinsed31 chunks32 of trout into a cleanbowl.Drops of water drippingfrom her fingertips,she raised herhead and looked at Laila, looked at heras if for the first time.
"The other night, when he…Nobody's ever stood up formebefore," she said.
Laila examined Mariam's drooping33 cheeks, the eyelids34 thatsagged in tired folds, the deep lines that framed her mouth-shesaw these things as though she too were looking at someonefor the first time. And, for the first time, it was not anadversary's face Laila saw but a face of grievances35 unspoken,burdens gone unprotested, a destiny submitted to and endured.
If she stayed, would this be her own face, Laila wondered,twenty years from now?
"I couldn't let him," Laila said "I wasn't raised in a householdwhere people did things like that.""Thisis your household now. You ought to get used to it.""Not to/to I won't.""He'll turn on you too, you know," Mariam said, wiping herhands dry with a rag. "Soon enough. And you gave him adaughter. So, you see, your sin is even less forgivable thanmine."Laila rose to her feet. "I know it's chilly36 outside, but what doyou say we sinners have us a cup ofchai in the yard?"Mariam looked surprised "I can't. I still have to cut and washthe beans.""I'll help you do it in the morning.""And I have to clean up here.""We'll do it together. If I'm not mistaken, there's somehalwaleft over. Awfully37 good withchat."Mariam put the rag on the counter. Laila sensed anxiety inthe way she tugged38 at her sleeves, adjusted herhijab, pushedback a curl of hair.
"The Chinese say it's better to be deprived of food for threedays than tea for one."Mariam gave a half smile. "It's a good saying.""It is.""But I can't stay long.""One cup."They sat on folding chairs outside and atehalwa with theirfingers from a common bowl. They had a second cup, andwhen Laila asked her if she wanted a third Mariam said shedid. As gunfire cracked in the hills, they watched the cloudsslide over the moon and the last of the season's firefliescharting bright yellow arcs in the dark. And when Aziza wokeup crying and Rasheed yelled for Laila to come up and shuther up, a look passed between Laila and Mariam. Anunguarded, knowing look. And in this fleeting39, wordlessexchange with Mariam, Laila knew that they were not enemiesany longer.
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1
knuckles
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| n.（指人）指关节( knuckle的名词复数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝v.（指人）指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝 | |
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2
aptitude
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| n.(学习方面的)才能，资质，天资 | |
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riddles
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| n.谜（语）( riddle的名词复数 )；猜不透的难题，难解之谜 | |
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mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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lashes
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| n.鞭挞( lash的名词复数 )；鞭子；突然猛烈的一击；急速挥动v.鞭打( lash的第三人称单数 )；煽动；紧系；怒斥 | |
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watchful
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| adj.注意的，警惕的 | |
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winced
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| 赶紧避开，畏缩( wince的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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tilted
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| v. 倾斜的 | |
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hem
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| n.贴边，镶边；vt.缝贴边；(in)包围，限制 | |
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10
muster
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| v.集合，收集，鼓起，激起；n.集合，检阅，集合人员，点名册 | |
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11
falter
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| vi.(嗓音)颤抖，结巴地说；犹豫；蹒跚 | |
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12
shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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13
pried
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| v.打听，刺探（他人的私事）( pry的过去式和过去分词 )；撬开 | |
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14
checkered
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| adj.有方格图案的 | |
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pawn
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| n.典当，抵押，小人物，走卒；v.典当，抵押 | |
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jewelry
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| n.（jewllery）（总称）珠宝 | |
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belly
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| n.肚子，腹部；(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分，膛 | |
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neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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pajamas
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| n.睡衣裤 | |
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ruffle
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| v.弄皱，弄乱；激怒，扰乱；n.褶裥饰边 | |
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21
cuff
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| n.袖口；手铐；护腕；vt.用手铐铐；上袖口 | |
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rumor
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| n.谣言，谣传，传说 | |
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greasy
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| adj. 多脂的，油脂的 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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25
frantic
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| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
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26
squatting
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| v.像动物一样蹲下( squat的现在分词 )；非法擅自占用（土地或房屋）；为获得其所有权；而占用某片公共用地。 | |
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27
trout
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| n.鳟鱼；鲑鱼(属) | |
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28
fins
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| [医]散热片；鱼鳍；飞边；鸭掌 | |
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29
moths
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| n.蛾( moth的名词复数 ) | |
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30
gutted
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| adj.容易消化的v.毁坏（建筑物等）的内部( gut的过去式和过去分词 )；取出…的内脏 | |
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rinsed
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| v.漂洗( rinse的过去式和过去分词 )；冲洗；用清水漂洗掉（肥皂泡等）；（用清水）冲掉 | |
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32
chunks
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| 厚厚的一块( chunk的名词复数 )； （某物）相当大的数量或部分 | |
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33
drooping
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| adj. 下垂的，无力的 动词droop的现在分词 | |
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34
eyelids
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| n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色 | |
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35
grievances
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| n.委屈( grievance的名词复数 )；苦衷；不满；牢骚 | |
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36
chilly
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| adj.凉快的，寒冷的 | |
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37
awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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38
tugged
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| v.用力拉，使劲拉，猛扯( tug的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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39
fleeting
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| adj.短暂的，飞逝的 | |
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