Chapter 30

I booked a meeting with Claudia at the usual café to discusssocial behaviour. I realised that improving my ability to interactwith other humans would require some effort and that my bestattempts might not convince Rosie. But the skills would beuseful in their own right.
I had, to some extent, become comfortable with being sociallyodd.
At school, I had been the unintentional class clown, andeventually the intentional¹ one. It was time to grow up.
The server approached our table. ‘You order,’ said Claudia.
‘What would you like?’
‘A skinny decaf latte.’
This is a ridiculous form of coffee, but I did not point it out.
Claudia would surely have received the message from previousoccasions and would not want it repeated. It would beannoying to her.
‘I’d like a double espresso,’ I said to the server, ‘and my friendwill have a skinny decaf latte, no sugar, please.’
‘Well,’ said Claudia. ‘Something’s changed.’
239/290I pointed² out that I had been successfully and politely orderingcoffee all my life, but Claudia insisted that my mode ofinteraction had changed in subtle ways.
‘I wouldn’t have picked New York City as the place to learn tobe genteel,’ she said, ‘but there you go.’
I told her that, on the contrary, people had been extremelyfriendly, citing my experience with Dave the Baseball Fan, Marythe bipolar-disorder researcher, David Borenstein the Dean ofMedicine at Columbia, and the chef and weird³ guy atMomofuku Ko. I mentioned that we had dined with the Eslers,describing them as friends of Rosie’s family. Claudia’s conclusionwas simple. All this unaccustomed social interaction, plus thatwith Rosie, had dramatically improved my skills.
‘You don’t need to try with Gene⁵ and me, because you’re notout to impress us or make friends with us.’
While Claudia was right about the value of practice, I learnbetter from reading and observation. My next task was todownload some educational material.
I decided⁶ to begin with romantic films specifically mentioned byRosie. There were four: Casablanca, The Bridges of MadisonCounty, When Harry⁷ Met Sally and An Affair to Remember. I added To Kill a Mockingbird and The Big Country forGregory Peck, whom Rosie had cited as the sexiest man ever.
It took a full week to watch all six, including time for pausingthe DVD player and taking notes. The films were incrediblyuseful, but also highly challenging. The emotional dynamics⁸ wereso complex! I persevered⁹, drawing on movies recommended byClaudia about male-female relationships with both happy andunhappy outcomes. I watched Hitch¹⁰, Gone with the Wind,Bridget Jones’s Diary, Annie Hall, Notting Hill, LoveActually and Fatal Attraction.
240/290Claudia also suggested I watch As Good as It Gets, ‘just forfun’. Although her advice was to use it as an example of whatnot to do, I was impressed that the Jack¹¹ Nicholson characterhandled a jacket problem with more finesse¹² than I had. It wasalso encouraging that, despite serious social incompetence¹³, asignificant difference in age between him and the Helen Huntcharacter, probable multiple psychiatric disorders¹⁴ and a level ofintolerance far more severe than mine, he succeeded in winningthe love of the woman in the end. An excellent choice byClaudia.
Slowly I began to make sense of it all. There were certainconsistent principles of behaviour in male–female romanticrelationships, including the prohibition¹⁵ of infidelity. That rule wasin my mind when I met with Claudia again for social practice.
We worked through some scenarios¹⁷.
‘This meal has a fault,’ I said. The situation was hypothetical.
We were only drinking coffee. ‘That would be tooconfrontational, correct?’
Claudia agreed. ‘And don’t say fault, or error. That’s computertalk.’
‘But I can say “I’m sorry, it was an error of judgement,entirely¹⁸ my fault”, correct? That use of “fault” is acceptable?’
‘Correct,’ said Claudia, and then laughed. ‘I mean yes. Don, thistakes years to learn.’
I didn’t have years. But I am a quick learner and was inhuman-sponge mode. I demonstrated.
‘I’m going to construct an objective statement followed by arequest for clarification, and preface it with a platitude¹⁹: “Excuseme. I ordered a rare steak. Do you have a different definitionof rare?” ’
‘Good start, but the question’s a bit aggressive.’
‘Not acceptable?’
‘In New York maybe. Don’t blame the waiter.’
241/290I modified the question. ‘Excuse me. I ordered a rare steak.
Could you check that my order was processed correctly?’
Claudia nodded. But she did not look entirely happy. I waspaying great attention to expressions of emotion and I haddiagnosed hers correctly.
‘Don. I’m impressed, but … changing to meet someone else’sexpectations may not be a good idea. You may end upresenting it.’
I didn’t think this was likely. I was learning some newprotocols, that was all.
‘If you really love someone,’ Claudia continued, ‘you have to beprepared to accept them as they are. Maybe you hope thatone day they get a wake-up call and make the changes fortheir own reasons.’
This last statement connected with the fidelity¹⁶ rule that I had inmy mind at the beginning of the discussion. I did not need toraise the subject now. I had the answer to my question.
Claudia was surely talking about Gene.
I organised a run with Gene for the following morning. Ineeded to speak to him in private, somewhere he could notescape. I started my personal lecture as soon as we weremoving. My key point was that infidelity was totallyunacceptable. Any benefits were outweighed²⁰ by the risk of totaldisaster. Gene had been divorced once already. Eugenie andCarl –Gene interrupted, breathing heavily. In my effort to get themessage across unambiguously and forcefully, I had beenrunning faster than normal. Gene is significantly less fit than Iam and my fat-burning low-heart-rate jogs are majorcardiovascular workouts for him.
‘I hear you,’ said Gene. ‘What’ve you been reading?’
I told him about the movies I had been watching, and theiridealised representation of acceptable and unacceptablebehaviour. If Gene and Claudia had owned a rabbit, it wouldhave been in serious danger from242/290a disgruntled lover. Gene disagreed, not about the rabbit, butabout the impact of his behaviour on his marriage.
‘We’re psychologists,’ he said. ‘We can handle an openmarriage.’
I ignored his incorrect categorisation of himself as a realpsychologist, and focused on the critical issue: all authoritiesand moral codes consider fidelity critical. Even theories ofevolutionary psychology²¹ concede that if a person discovers thattheir partner is unfaithful they will have strong reasons forrejecting them.
‘You’re talking about men there,’ said Gene. ‘Because they can’tafford the risk of raising a child who doesn’t have their genes²².
Anyway, I thought you were all about overcoming instinct.’
‘Correct. The male instinct is to cheat. You need to overcomeit.’
‘Women accept it as long as you don’t embarrass them with it.
Look at France.’
I cited a counter-example from a popular book and film.
‘ Bridget Jones’s Diary?’ said Gene. ‘Since when are weexpected to behave like characters in chick flicks²³?’ He stoppedand doubled over, gasping²⁴ for breath. It gave me theopportunity to present him with the evidence withoutinterruption. I finished by pointing out that he loved Claudiaand that he should therefore be prepared to make allnecessary sacrifices.
‘I’ll think about it when I see you changing the habits of alifetime,’
he said.
I had thought that eliminating my schedule would be relativelystraightforward. I had just spent eight days without it and whileI had faced numerous problems they were not related toinefficiency or unstructured time. But I had not factored in theimpact of the enormous amount of turmoil²⁵ in my life. As wellas the uncertainty²⁶ around Rosie, the social-skills project and thefear that my best friends were on the243/290path to domestic disintegration²⁷, I was about to lose my job.
The schedule of activities felt like the only stable thing in mylife.
In the end, I made a compromise that would surely beacceptable to Rosie. Everyone keeps a timetable of their regularcommitments, in my case lectures, meetings and martial-artsclasses. I would allow myself these. I would put appointments inmy diary, as other people did, but reduce standardisation.
Things could change week by week.
Reviewing my decision, I could see that the abandonment ofthe Standardised Meal System, the aspect of my schedule thatprovoked the most comment, was the only item requiringimmediate attention.
My next market visit was predictably strange. I arrived at theseafood stall and the proprietor²⁸ turned to pull a lobster²⁹ fromthe tank.
‘Change of plan,’ I said. ‘What’s good today?’
‘Lobster,’ he said, in his heavily accented English. ‘Lobster goodevery Tuesday for you.’ He laughed, and waved his hand athis other customers. He was making a joke about me. Rosiehad a facial expression that she used when she said, ‘Don’tfuck with me.’ I tried the expression. It seemed to work byitself.
‘I’m joking,’ he said. ‘Swordfish is beautiful. Oysters³⁰. You eatoysters?’
I ate oysters, though I had never prepared them at home. Iordered them unshucked as quality restaurants promoted theiroysters as being freshly shucked.
I arrived home with a selection of food not associated with anyparticular recipe. The oysters proved challenging. I could not geta knife in to open them without risking injury to my handthrough slippage. I could have looked up the technique on theinternet, but it would have taken time. This was why I had aschedule based around familiar items. I could remove the meatfrom a lobster with my eyes closed while my brain worked ona genetics problem. What was wrong with standardisation?
Another oyster³¹ failed to provide an opening for my244/290knife. I was getting annoyed and about to throw the full dozenin the bin⁴ when I had an idea.
I put one in the microwave and heated it for a few seconds. Itopened easily. It was warm but delicious. I tried a second, thistime adding a squeeze of lemon juice and a grind of pepper.
Sensational³²! I could feel a whole world opening up to me. Ihoped the oysters were sustainable, because I wanted to sharemy new skills with Rosie.

1 intentional   

adj.故意的，有意（识）的

参考例句：

• Let me assure you that it was not intentional.我向你保证那不是故意的。
• His insult was intentional.他的侮辱是有意的。

2 pointed   

adj.尖的，直截了当的

参考例句：

• He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
• She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。

3 weird   

adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的

参考例句：

• From his weird behaviour,he seems a bit of an oddity.从他不寻常的行为看来，他好像有点怪。
• His weird clothes really gas me.他的怪衣裳简直笑死人。

4 bin   

n.箱柜；vt.放入箱内；[计算机] DOS文件名:二进制目标文件

参考例句：

• He emptied several bags of rice into a bin.他把几袋米倒进大箱里。
• He threw the empty bottles in the bin.他把空瓶子扔进垃圾箱。

5 gene   

n.遗传因子，基因

参考例句：

• A single gene may have many effects.单一基因可能具有很多种效应。
• The targeting of gene therapy has been paid close attention.其中基因治疗的靶向性是值得密切关注的问题之一。

6 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

7 harry   

vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼

参考例句：

• Today,people feel more hurried and harried.今天，人们感到更加忙碌和苦恼。
• Obama harried business by Healthcare Reform plan.奥巴马用医改掠夺了商界。

8 dynamics   

n.力学，动力学，动力，原动力；动态

参考例句：

• In order to succeed,you must master complicated knowledge of dynamics.要取得胜利，你必须掌握很复杂的动力学知识。
• Dynamics is a discipline that cannot be mastered without extensive practice.动力学是一门不做大量习题就不能掌握的学科。

9 persevered   

v.坚忍，坚持( persevere的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• She persevered with her violin lessons. 她孜孜不倦地学习小提琴。
• Hard as the conditions were, he persevered in his studies. 虽然条件艰苦，但他仍坚持学习。 来自辞典例句

10 hitch   

v.免费搭(车旅行)；系住；急提；n.故障；急拉

参考例句：

• They had an eighty-mile journey and decided to hitch hike.他们要走80英里的路程，最后决定搭便车。
• All the candidates are able to answer the questions without any hitch.所有报考者都能对答如流。

11 jack   

n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克

参考例句：

• I am looking for the headphone jack.我正在找寻头戴式耳机插孔。
• He lifted the car with a jack to change the flat tyre.他用千斤顶把车顶起来换下瘪轮胎。

12 finesse   

n.精密技巧，灵巧，手腕

参考例句：

• It was a disappointing performance which lacked finesse.那场演出缺乏技巧，令人失望。
• Lillian Hellman's plays are marked by insight and finesse.莉莲.赫尔曼的巨作以富有洞察力和写作技巧著称。

13 incompetence   

n.不胜任，不称职

参考例句：

• He was dismissed for incompetence. 他因不称职而被解雇。
• She felt she had been made a scapegoat for her boss's incompetence. 她觉得，本是老板无能，但她却成了替罪羊。

14 disorders   

n.混乱( disorder的名词复数 )；凌乱；骚乱；（身心、机能）失调

参考例句：

• Reports of anorexia and other eating disorders are on the increase. 据报告，厌食症和其他饮食方面的功能紊乱发生率正在不断增长。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The announcement led to violent civil disorders. 这项宣布引起剧烈的骚乱。 来自《简明英汉词典》

15 prohibition   

n.禁止；禁令，禁律

参考例句：

• The prohibition against drunken driving will save many lives.禁止酒后开车将会减少许多死亡事故。
• They voted in favour of the prohibition of smoking in public areas.他们投票赞成禁止在公共场所吸烟。

16 fidelity   

n.忠诚，忠实；精确

参考例句：

• There is nothing like a dog's fidelity.没有什么能比得上狗的忠诚。
• His fidelity and industry brought him speedy promotion.他的尽职及勤奋使他很快地得到晋升。

17 scenarios   

n.[意]情节；剧本；事态；脚本

参考例句：

• Further, graphite cores may be safer than non-graphite cores under some accident scenarios. 再者，根据一些事故解说，石墨堆芯可比非石墨堆芯更安全一些。 来自英汉非文学 - 环境法 - 环境法
• Again, scenarios should make it clear which modes are acceptable to users in various contexts. 同样，我们可以运用场景剧本来搞清楚在不同情境下哪些模式可被用户接受。 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓

18 entirely   

ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
• His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。

19 platitude   

n.老生常谈，陈词滥调

参考例句：

• The talk is no more than a platitude. 这番话无非是老生常谈。
• His speech is full of platitude. 他的讲话充满了陈词滥调。

20 outweighed   

v.在重量上超过( outweigh的过去式和过去分词 )；在重要性或价值方面超过

参考例句：

• This boxer outweighed by his opponent 20 pounds. 这个拳击选手体重比他的对手重20磅。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• She outweighed me by ten pounds, and sometimes she knocked me down. 她的体重超过我十磅，有时竟把我撞倒。 来自百科语句

21 psychology   

n.心理，心理学，心理状态

参考例句：

• She has a background in child psychology.她受过儿童心理学的教育。
• He studied philosophy and psychology at Cambridge.他在剑桥大学学习哲学和心理学。

22 genes   

n.基因( gene的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• You have good genes from your parents, so you should live a long time. 你从父母那儿获得优良的基因，所以能够活得很长。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Differences will help to reveal the functions of the genes. 它们间的差异将会帮助我们揭开基因多种功能。 来自英汉非文学 - 生命科学 - 生物技术的世纪

23 flicks   

（尤指用手指或手快速地）轻击( flick的第三人称单数 )； （用…）轻挥； （快速地）按开关； 向…笑了一下（或瞥了一眼等）

参考例句：

• 'I shall see it on the flicks, I suppose.' “电影上总归看得见。” 来自英汉文学
• Last night to the flicks. 昨晚看了场电影。 来自英汉文学

24 gasping   

adj. 气喘的, 痉挛的 动词gasp的现在分词

参考例句：

• He was gasping for breath. 他在喘气。
• "Did you need a drink?""Yes, I'm gasping!” “你要喝点什么吗？”“我巴不得能喝点！”

25 turmoil   

n.骚乱，混乱，动乱

参考例句：

• His mind was in such a turmoil that he couldn't get to sleep.内心的纷扰使他无法入睡。
• The robbery put the village in a turmoil.抢劫使全村陷入混乱。

26 uncertainty   

n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物

参考例句：

• Her comments will add to the uncertainty of the situation.她的批评将会使局势更加不稳定。
• After six weeks of uncertainty,the strain was beginning to take its toll.6个星期的忐忑不安后，压力开始产生影响了。

27 disintegration   

n.分散，解体

参考例句：

• This defeat led to the disintegration of the empire.这次战败道致了帝国的瓦解。
• The incident has hastened the disintegration of the club.这一事件加速了该俱乐部的解体。

28 proprietor   

n.所有人；业主；经营者

参考例句：

• The proprietor was an old acquaintance of his.业主是他的一位旧相识。
• The proprietor of the corner grocery was a strange thing in my life.拐角杂货店店主是我生活中的一个怪物。

29 lobster   

n.龙虾，龙虾肉

参考例句：

• The lobster is a shellfish.龙虾是水生贝壳动物。
• I like lobster but it does not like me.我喜欢吃龙虾，但它不适宜于我的健康。

30 oysters   

牡蛎( oyster的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• We don't have oysters tonight, but the crayfish are very good. 我们今晚没有牡蛎供应。但小龙虾是非常好。
• She carried a piping hot grill of oysters and bacon. 她端出一盘滚烫的烤牡蛎和咸肉。

31 oyster   

n.牡蛎；沉默寡言的人

参考例句：

• I enjoy eating oyster; it's really delicious.我喜欢吃牡蛎，它味道真美。
• I find I fairly like eating when he finally persuades me to taste the oyster.当他最后说服我尝尝牡蛎时，我发现我相当喜欢吃。

32 sensational   

adj.使人感动的，非常好的，轰动的，耸人听闻的

参考例句：

• Papers of this kind are full of sensational news reports.这类报纸满是耸人听闻的新闻报道。
• Their performance was sensational.他们的演出妙极了。