I succeeded in suppressing thoughts of my professional future,but could not stop the Dean’s parting comment about KevinYu and my plagiarism5 complaint from intruding6 into myconscious mind. After much thought, I concluded that the Deanwas not offering me an unethical deal: ‘Withdraw the complaintand you can keep your job.’
What she said was bothering me because I had myself brokenthe rules in pursuing the Father Project. Gene had once toldme a religious joke when I questioned the morality of hisbehaviour.
Jesus addresses the angry mob who are stoning a prostitute:
‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.’ A stone fliesthrough the air and hits the woman. Jesus turns around andsays, ‘Sometimes you really piss me off, Mother.’
246/290I could no longer be equated8 with the Virgin9 Mary. I had beencorrupted. I was like everyone else. My stone-casting credibilityhad been significantly compromised.
I summoned Kevin to a meeting in my office. He was frommainland China, and aged10 approximately twenty-eight (estimatedBMI nineteen). I interpreted his expression and demeanour as‘nervous’.
I had his essay, partly or entirely11 written by his tutor, in myhand and showed it to him. I asked the obvious question: Whyhad he not written it himself?
He averted12 his gaze – which I interpreted as a cultural signalof respect rather than of shiftiness – but instead of answeringmy question, he started to explain the consequences of hisprobable expulsion. He had a wife and child in China, and hadnot yet told them of the problem. He hoped some day toemigrate, or, if not, at least to work in genetics. His unwisebehaviour would mean the end of his dreams and those of hiswife, who had managed for almost four years without him.
He was crying.
In the past, I would have regarded this as sad but irrelevant13.
A rule had been broken. But now I was also a rule-breaker. Ihad not broken the rules deliberately14, or at least not with anyconscious thought. Perhaps Kevin’s behaviour had been similarlyunconsidered.
I asked Kevin, ‘What are the principal arguments advancedagainst the use of genetically15 modified crops?’ The essay hadbeen on the ethical7 and legal issues raised by advances ingenetics. Kevin gave a comprehensive summary. I followed withfurther questions, which Kevin also answered well. He seemedto have a good knowledge of the topic.
‘Why didn’t you write this yourself?’ I asked.
‘I am a scientist. I am not confident writing in English aboutmoral and cultural questions. I wanted to be sure not to fail. Idid not think.’
I did not know how to respond to Kevin. Acting16 withoutthinking was anathema17 to me, and I did not want toencourage it in future247/290scientists. Nor did I want my own weakness to affect a correctdecision regarding Kevin. I would pay for my own error in thisregard, as I deserved to. But losing my job would not havethe same consequences for me as expulsion would for Kevin. Idoubted he would be offered a potentially lucrative18 partnershipin a cocktail19 bar as an alternative.
I thought for quite a long time. Kevin just sat. He must haverealised that I was considering some form of reprieve20. But Iwas incredibly uncomfortable in this position of judgement as Iweighed the impact of various decisions. Was this what theDean had to do every day? For the first time, I felt somerespect for her.
I was not confident I could solve the problem in a short time.
But I realised that it would be cruel to leave Kevin wonderingif his life had been destroyed.
‘I understand …’ I started, and realised that this was not aphrase I was accustomed to using when talking about people. Istopped the sentence and thought for a while longer. ‘I willcreate a supplementary21 task – probably an essay on personalethics. As an alternative to expulsion.’
I interpreted Kevin’s expression as ecstatic.
I was conscious that there was more to social skills thanknowing how to order coffee and being faithful to your partner.
Since my school days, I had selected my clothes without regardto fashion. I started out not caring how I looked, thendiscovered that people found what I wore amusing. I enjoyedbeing seen as someone not tied to the norms of society. Butnow I had no idea how to dress.
I asked Claudia to buy me some suitable clothes. She hadproved her expertise22 with the jeans and shirt, but she insistedon me accompany-ing her.
‘I may not be around forever,’ she said. After some reflection,I deduced that she was talking not about death, but aboutsomething more248/290immediate: marriage failure! I had to find a way to convinceGene of the danger.
The actual shopping took a full morning. We went to severalshops, acquiring shoes, trousers, a jacket, a second pair ofjeans, more shirts, a belt and even a tie.
I had more shopping to do, but I did not require Claudia’shelp. A photo was sufficient to specify23 my requirements. Ivisited the optometrist24, the hairdresser (not my regular barber)and the menswear shop.
Everyone was extremely helpful.
My schedule and social skills had now been brought into linewith conventional practice, to the best of my ability within thetime I had allocated25. The Don Project was complete. It wastime to commence the Rosie Project.
There was a mirror on the inside of the closet in my officewhich I had never needed before. Now I used it to review myappearance. I expected I would have only one chance to cutthrough Rosie’s negative view of me and produce an emotionalreaction. I wanted her to fall in love with me.
Protocol26 dictated27 that I should not wear a hat indoors, but Idecided that the PhD students’ area could be considered public.
On that basis, it would be acceptable. I checked the mirroragain. Rosie had been right. In my grey three-piece suit, Icould be mistaken for Gregory Peck in To Kill a Mockingbird. Atticus Tillman. World’s sexiest man.
Rosie was at her desk. So was Stefan, looking unshaven asalways. I had my speech prepared.
‘Good afternoon, Stefan. Hi, Rosie. Rosie, I’m afraid it’s shortnotice but I was wondering if you’d join me for dinner thisevening. There’s something I’d like to share with you.’
Neither spoke28. Rosie looked a little stunned29. I looked at herdirectly.
‘That’s a charming pendant,’ I said. ‘I’ll pick you up at 7.45.’ Iwas249/290shaking as I walked away, but I had given it my best effort.
Hitch30 from Hitch would have been pleased with me.
I had two more visits to make before my evening date withRosie.
I walked straight past Helena. Gene was in his office looking athis computer. On the screen was a photo of an Asian womanwho was not conventionally attractive. I recognised the format– she was a Wife-Project Applicant31. Place of Birth – NorthKorea.
Gene looked at me strangely. My Gregory Peck costume wasdoubtless unexpected but appropriate for my mission.
‘Hi, Gene.’
‘What’s with the “Hi”? What happened to “Greetings”?’
I explained that I had eliminated a number of unconventionalman-nerisms from my vocabulary.
‘So Claudia tells me. You didn’t think your regular mentor32 wasup to the job?’
I wasn’t sure what he meant.
He explained. ‘Me. You didn’t ask me.’
This was correct. Feedback from Rosie had prompted me toreassess Gene’s social competence33, and my recent work withClaudia and the movie exemplars had confirmed my suspicionthat his skills applied34 to a limited domain35, and that he was notemploying them in the best interests of himself and his family.
‘No,’ I told him. ‘I wanted advice on socially appropriatebehaviour.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Obviously, you’re similar to me. That’s why you’re my bestfriend.
Hence this invitation.’ There had been a great deal ofpreparation for this day. I gave Gene an envelope. He did notopen it but continued the conversation.
‘I’m like you? No offence, Don, but your behaviour – your oldbehaviour – was in a class of its own. If you want my opinion,you hid250/290behind a persona that you thought people found amusing. It’shardly surprising people saw you as a … buffoon36.’
This was exactly my point. But Gene was not making theconnection. As his buddy37, it was my duty to behave as anadult male and give it to him straight.
I walked over to his map of the world, with a pin for everyconquest.
I checked it for what I hoped would be the last time. Then Istabbed it with my finger, to create an atmosphere of threat.
‘Exactly,’ I said. ‘You think people see you as a Casanova. Youknow what? I don’t care what other people think of you, but,if you want to know, they think you’re a jerk. And they’reright, Gene. You’re fifty-six years old with a wife and two kids,though for how much longer I don’t know. Time you grew up.
I’m telling you that as a friend.’
I watched Gene’s face. I was getting better at reading emotions,but this was a complex one. Shattered, I think.
I was relieved. The basic male – male tough advice protocolhad been effective. It had not been necessary to slug him.
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1
gene
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| n.遗传因子，基因 | |
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alibi
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| n.某人当时不在犯罪现场的申辩或证明；借口 | |
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breach
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| n.违反，不履行；破裂；vt.冲破，攻破 | |
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violation
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| n.违反(行为)，违背(行为)，侵犯 | |
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plagiarism
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| n.剽窃，抄袭 | |
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intruding
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| v.侵入，侵扰，打扰( intrude的现在分词)；把…强加于 | |
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ethical
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| adj.伦理的，道德的，合乎道德的 | |
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equated
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| adj.换算的v.认为某事物（与另一事物）相等或相仿( equate的过去式和过去分词 )；相当于；等于；把（一事物） 和（另一事物）等同看待 | |
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virgin
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| n.处女，未婚女子；adj.未经使用的；未经开发的 | |
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aged
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| adj.年老的，陈年的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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averted
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| 防止，避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 )； 转移 | |
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irrelevant
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| adj.不恰当的，无关系的，不相干的 | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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genetically
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| adv.遗传上 | |
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acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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anathema
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| n.诅咒；被诅咒的人(物)，十分讨厌的人(物) | |
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lucrative
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| adj.赚钱的，可获利的 | |
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cocktail
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| n.鸡尾酒；餐前开胃小吃；混合物 | |
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reprieve
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| n.暂缓执行（死刑）；v.缓期执行；给…带来缓解 | |
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supplementary
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| adj.补充的，附加的 | |
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expertise
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| n.专门知识(或技能等)，专长 | |
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specify
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| vt.指定，详细说明 | |
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optometrist
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| n.验光师，配镜师 | |
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allocated
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| adj. 分配的 动词allocate的过去式和过去分词 | |
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protocol
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| n.议定书，草约，会谈记录，外交礼节 | |
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dictated
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| v.大声讲或读( dictate的过去式和过去分词 )；口授；支配；摆布 | |
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28
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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stunned
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| adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
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hitch
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| v.免费搭(车旅行)；系住；急提；n.故障；急拉 | |
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applicant
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| n.申请人，求职者，请求者 | |
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mentor
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| n.指导者，良师益友；v.指导 | |
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competence
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| n.能力，胜任，称职 | |
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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domain
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| n.(活动等)领域，范围；领地，势力范围 | |
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buffoon
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| n.演出时的丑角 | |
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buddy
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| n.（美口）密友，伙伴 | |
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