Chapter 34

We had not finished the wine at the restaurant. I decided¹ tocompensate for the resulting alcohol deficit² and poured atumbler of tequila. I turned on the television screen andcomputer and fast-forwarded Casablanca for one last try. Iwatched as Humphrey Bogart’s character used beans as ametaphor for the relative unimportance in the wider world ofhis relationship with Ingrid Bergman’s character, and chose logicand decency⁴ ahead of his selfish emotional desires.
The quandary⁵ and resulting decision made for an engrossingfilm. But this was not what people cried about. They were inlove and could never be together. I repeated this statementto myself, trying to force an emotional reaction. I couldn’t. Ididn’t care. I had enough problems of my own.
The doorbell buzzed, and I immediately thought Rosie, butwhen I pushed the CCTV button, it was Claudia’s face thatappeared.
‘Don, are you okay?’ she said. ‘Can we come up?’
‘It’s too late.’
Claudia sounded panicked. ‘What have you done? Don?’
268/290‘It’s 10.31,’ I said. ‘Too late for visitors.’
‘Are you okay?’ said Claudia, again.
‘I’m fine. The experience has been highly useful. New socialskills.
And final resolution of the Wife Problem. Clear evidence thatI’m incompatible⁶ with women.’
Gene⁷’s face appeared on the screen. ‘Don. Can we come upfor a drink?’
‘Alcohol would be a bad idea.’ I still had a half-glass of tequilain my hand. I was telling a polite lie to avoid social contact. Iturned off the intercom.
The message light on my home phone was flashing. It was myparents and brother wishing me a happy birthday. I hadalready spoken to my mother two days earlier when she madeher regular Sunday evening call. These past three weeks, I hadbeen attempting to provide some news in return, but had notmentioned Rosie. They were utilising the speaker-phonefunction, and collectively sang the birthday song – or at leastmy mother did, strongly encouraging my other two relatives toparticipate.
‘Ring back if you’re home before 10.30,’ my mother said. Itwas 10.38, but I decided not to be pedantic⁸.
‘It’s 10.39,’ said my mother. ‘I’m surprised you rang back.’
Clearly she had expected me to be pedantic, which wasreasonable given my history, but she sounded pleased.
‘Hey,’ said my brother. ‘Gary Parkinson’s sister saw you onFacebook. Who’s the redhead?’
‘Just a girl I was dating.’
‘Pull the other leg,’ said my brother.
The words had sounded strange to me too, but I had notbeen joking.
‘I’m not seeing her any more.’
‘I thought you might say that.’ He laughed.
269/290My mother interrupted. ‘Stop it, Trevor. Donald, you didn’t tellus you were seeing someone. You know you’re always welcome–’
‘Mum, he was having a lend of you,’ said my brother.
‘I said,’ said my mother, ‘that any time you want to bringanyone to meet us, whoever she or he –’
‘Leave him alone, both of you,’ said my father.
There was a pause, and some conversation in the background.
Then my brother said, ‘Sorry, mate. I was just having a go. Iknow you think I’m some sort of redneck, but I’m okay withwho you are. I’d hate you to get to this age and think I stillhad a problem with it.’
So, to add to a momentous⁹ day, I corrected a misconceptionthat my family had held for at least fifteen years and came outto them as straight.
The conversations with Gene, Phil and my family had beensurprisingly therapeutic¹⁰. I did not need to use the EdinburghPostnatal Depression Scale to know that I was feeling sad, butI was back from the edge of the pit. I would need to do somedisciplined thinking in the near future to be certain ofremaining safe, but for the moment I did not need to shutdown the emotional part of my brain entirely¹¹. I wanted a littletime to observe how I felt about recent events.
It was cold and the rain was pouring, but my balcony wasunder shelter. I took a chair and my glass outside, then wentback inside, put on the greasy¹² wool jumper that my motherhad knitted for a much earlier birthday and collected thetequila bottle.
I was forty years old. My father used to play a song writtenby John Sebastian. I remember that it was by John Sebastianbecause Noddy Holder¹³ announced prior to singing it, ‘We’regoing to do a song by John Sebastian. Are there any JohnSebastian fans here?’ Apparently¹⁴ there were because there wasloud and raucous¹⁵ applause before he started singing.
270/290I decided that tonight I was also a John Sebastian fan andthat I wanted to hear the song. This was the first time in mylife that I could recall a desire to hear a particular piece ofmusic. I had the technology.
Or used to. I went to pull out my mobile phone and realised ithad been in the jacket I had discarded. I went inside, bootedmy laptop, registered for iTunes, and downloaded ‘Darling BeHome Soon’ from Slade Alive! , 1972. I added ‘Satisfaction’,thus doubling the size of my popular music collection. Iretrieved my earphones from their box and returned to thebalcony, poured another tequila and listened to a voice frommy childhood singing that it had taken a quarter of his lifebefore he could begin to see himself.
At eighteen, just before I left home to go to university,statistically approaching a quarter of my life, I had listened tothese words and been reminded that I had very littleunderstanding of who I was. It had taken me until tonight,approximately halfway¹⁶, to see myself reasonably clearly. I hadRosie, and the Rosie Project to thank for that.
Now it was over, what had I learned?
1. I need not be visibly odd. I could engage in the protocolsthat others followed and move undetected among them.
And how could I be sure that other people were not doing thesame – playing the game to be accepted but suspecting all thetime that they were different?
2. I had skills that others didn’t. My memory and ability tofocus had given me an advantage in baseball statistics,cocktail-making and genetics. People had valued these skills, notmocked them.
3. I could enjoy friendship and good times. It was my lack ofskills, not lack of motivation that had held me back.
Now I was competent enough socially to open my life to271/290a wider range of people. I could have more friends. Dave theBaseball Fan could be the first of many.
4. I had told Gene and Claudia that I was incompatible withwomen. This was an exaggeration. I could enjoy their company,as proven by my joint¹⁸ activities with Rosie and Daphne.
Realistically, it was possible that I could have a partnership¹⁹ witha woman.
5. The idea behind the Wife Project was still sound. In manycultures a matchmaker would have routinely done what I did,with less technology, reach and rigour, but the sameassumption – that compatibility was as viable²⁰ a foundation formarriage as love.
6. I was not wired to feel love. And faking it was notacceptable. Not to me. I had feared that Rosie would not loveme. Instead, it was I who could not love Rosie.
7. I had a great deal of valuable knowledge – about genetics,computers, aikido, karate²¹, hardware, chess, wine, cocktails,dancing, sexual positions, social protocols¹⁷ and the probability ofa fifty-six-game hitting streak²² occurring in the history ofbaseball. I knew so much shit and I still couldn’t fix myself.
As the shuffle²³ setting on my media player selected the sametwo songs over and over, I realised that my thinking was alsobeginning to go in circles and that, despite the tidy formulation,there was some flaw in my logic³. I decided it was myunhappiness with the night’s outcome breaking through, mywish that it could be different.
I watched the rain falling over the city and poured the last ofthe tequila.

1 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

2 deficit   

n.亏空，亏损；赤字，逆差

参考例句：

• The directors have reported a deficit of 2.5 million dollars.董事们报告赤字为250万美元。
• We have a great deficit this year.我们今年有很大亏损。

3 logic   

n.逻辑(学)；逻辑性

参考例句：

• What sort of logic is that?这是什么逻辑？
• I don't follow the logic of your argument.我不明白你的论点逻辑性何在。

4 decency   

n.体面，得体，合宜，正派，庄重

参考例句：

• His sense of decency and fair play made him refuse the offer.他的正直感和公平竞争意识使他拒绝了这一提议。
• Your behaviour is an affront to public decency.你的行为有伤风化。

5 quandary   

n.困惑，进迟两难之境

参考例句：

• I was in a quandary about whether to go.我当时正犹豫到底去不去。
• I was put in a great quandary.我陷于进退两难的窘境。

6 incompatible   

adj.不相容的，不协调的，不相配的

参考例句：

• His plan is incompatible with my intent.他的计划与我的意图不相符。
• Speed and safety are not necessarily incompatible.速度和安全未必不相容。

7 gene   

n.遗传因子，基因

参考例句：

• A single gene may have many effects.单一基因可能具有很多种效应。
• The targeting of gene therapy has been paid close attention.其中基因治疗的靶向性是值得密切关注的问题之一。

8 pedantic   

adj.卖弄学问的；迂腐的

参考例句：

• He is learned,but neither stuffy nor pedantic.他很博学，但既不妄自尊大也不卖弄学问。
• Reading in a pedantic way may turn you into a bookworm or a bookcase,and has long been opposed.读死书会变成书呆子，甚至于成为书橱，早有人反对过了。

9 momentous   

adj.重要的，重大的

参考例句：

• I am deeply honoured to be invited to this momentous occasion.能应邀出席如此重要的场合，我深感荣幸。
• The momentous news was that war had begun.重大的新闻是战争已经开始。

10 therapeutic   

adj.治疗的，起治疗作用的；对身心健康有益的

参考例句：

• Therapeutic measures were selected to fit the patient.选择治疗措施以适应病人的需要。
• When I was sad,music had a therapeutic effect.我悲伤的时候，音乐有治疗效力。

11 entirely   

ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
• His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。

12 greasy   

adj. 多脂的，油脂的

参考例句：

• He bought a heavy-duty cleanser to clean his greasy oven.昨天他买了强力清洁剂来清洗油污的炉子。
• You loathe the smell of greasy food when you are seasick.当你晕船时，你会厌恶油腻的气味。

13 holder   

n.持有者，占有者；(台，架等)支持物

参考例句：

• The holder of the office of chairman is reponsible for arranging meetings.担任主席职位的人负责安排会议。
• That runner is the holder of the world record for the hundred-yard dash.那位运动员是一百码赛跑世界纪录的保持者。

14 apparently   

adv.显然地；表面上，似乎

参考例句：

• An apparently blind alley leads suddenly into an open space.山穷水尽，豁然开朗。
• He was apparently much surprised at the news.他对那个消息显然感到十分惊异。

15 raucous   

adj.(声音)沙哑的，粗糙的

参考例句：

• I heard sounds of raucous laughter upstairs.我听见楼上传来沙哑的笑声。
• They heard a bottle being smashed,then more raucous laughter.他们听见酒瓶摔碎的声音，然后是一阵更喧闹的笑声。

16 halfway   

adj.中途的，不彻底的，部分的；adv.半路地，在中途，在半途

参考例句：

• We had got only halfway when it began to get dark.走到半路，天就黑了。
• In study the worst danger is give up halfway.在学习上，最忌讳的是有始无终。

17 protocols   

n.礼仪( protocol的名词复数 )；（外交条约的）草案；（数据传递的）协议；科学实验报告（或计划）

参考例句：

• There are also protocols on the testing of nuclear weapons. 也有关于核武器试验的协议。 来自辞典例句
• Hardware components and software design of network transport protocols are separately introduced. 介绍系统硬件组成及网络传输协议的软件设计。 来自互联网

18 joint   

adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合

参考例句：

• I had a bad fall,which put my shoulder out of joint.我重重地摔了一跤，肩膀脫臼了。
• We wrote a letter in joint names.我们联名写了封信。

19 partnership   

n.合作关系，伙伴关系

参考例句：

• The company has gone into partnership with Swiss Bank Corporation.这家公司已经和瑞士银行公司建立合作关系。
• Martin has taken him into general partnership in his company.马丁已让他成为公司的普通合伙人。

20 viable   

adj.可行的，切实可行的，能活下去的

参考例句：

• The scheme is economically viable.这个计划从经济效益来看是可行的。
• The economy of the country is not viable.这个国家经济是难以维持的。

21 karate   

n.空手道(日本的一种徒手武术)

参考例句：

• Alice's boyfriend knew a little karate.艾丽斯的男朋友懂一点儿空手道。
• The black belt is the highest level in karate.黑腰带级是空手道的最高级别。

22 streak   

n.条理，斑纹，倾向，少许，痕迹；v.加条纹，变成条纹，奔驰，快速移动

参考例句：

• The Indians used to streak their faces with paint.印第安人过去常用颜料在脸上涂条纹。
• Why did you streak the tree?你为什么在树上刻条纹？

23 shuffle   

n.拖著脚走，洗纸牌；v.拖曳，慢吞吞地走

参考例句：

• I wish you'd remember to shuffle before you deal.我希望在你发牌前记得洗牌。
• Don't shuffle your feet along.别拖着脚步走。