RACHEL

MONDAY, JULY 22, 2013
EVENING
And now I wait. It’s agonizing¹, the not knowing, theslowness with which everything is bound to move.
But there’s nothing more to do.
I was right, this morning, when I felt that dread². Ijust didn’t know what I had to be afraid of.
Not Scott. When he pulled me inside he must haveseen the terror in my eyes, because almostimmediately he let go of me. Wild-eyed anddishevelled, he seemed to shrink back from the light,and closed the door behind us. “What are you doinghere? There are photographers, journalistseverywhere. I can’t have people coming to the door.
Hanging around. They’ll say things?.?.?. They’ll try?.?.?.
they’ll try anything, to get pictures, to get—”
“There’s no one out there,” I said, though to behonest I hadn’t really looked. There might have beenpeople sitting in cars, waiting for something tohappen.
“What are you doing here?” he demanded again.
“I heard?.?.?. it was on the news. I just wanted?.?.?. isit him? Have they arrested him?”
He nodded. “Yes, early this morning. The familyliaison person was here. She came to tell me. Butshe couldn’t?.?.?. they won’t tell me why. They musthave found something, but they won’t tell me what.
It’s not her, though. I know that they haven’t foundher.”
He sits down on the stairs and wraps his armsaround himself. His whole body is trembling.
“I can’t stand it. I can’t stand waiting for the phoneto ring. When the phone rings, what will it be? Will itbe the worst news? Will it be?.?.?.” He tails off, thenlooks up as though he’s seeing me for the first time.
“Why did you come?”
“I wanted?.?.?. I thought you wouldn’t want to bealone.”
He looked at me as though I was insane. “I’m notalone,” he said. He got up and pushed past me intothe living room. For a moment, I just stood there. Ididn’t know whether to follow him or to leave, butthen he called out, “Do you want a coffee?”
There was a woman outside on the lawn, smoking.
Tall, with salt-and-pepper hair, she was smartlydressed in black trousers and white blouse done upto the throat. She was pacing up and down thepatio, but as soon as she caught sight of me, shestopped, flicked³ her cigarette onto the paving stonesand crushed it beneath her toe.
“Police?” she asked me doubtfully as she enteredthe kitchen.
“No, I’m—”
“This is Rachel Watson, Mum,” Scott said. “Thewoman who contacted me about Abdic.”
She nodded slowly, as though Scott’s explanationdidn’t really help her; she took me in, her gazesweeping rapidly over me from head to toe and backagain. “Oh.”
“I just, er?.?.?.” I didn’t have a justifiable⁴ reason forbeing there. I couldn’t say, could I, I just wanted toknow. I wanted to see.
“Well, Scott is very grateful to you for comingforward. We’re obviously waiting now to find outwhat exactly is going on.” She stepped towards me,took me by the elbow and turned me gently towardsthe front door. I glanced at Scott, but he wasn’tlooking at me; his gaze was fixed⁵ somewhere out ofthe window, across the tracks.
“Thank you for stopping by, Ms. Watson. We reallyare very grateful to you.”
I found myself on the doorstep, the front doorclosed firmly behind me, and when I looked up Isaw them: Tom, pushing a buggy, and Anna at hisside. They stopped dead when they saw me. Annaraised her hand to her mouth and swooped⁶ down tograb her child. The lioness protecting her cub⁷. Iwanted to laugh at her, to tell her, I’m not here foryou, I couldn’t be less interested in your daughter.
I’m cast out. Scott’s mother made that clear. I’mcast out and I’m disappointed, but it shouldn’t matter,because they have Kamal Abdic. They’ve got him,and I helped. I did something right. They’ve got him,and it can’t be long now before they find Megan andbring her home.

1 agonizing   

adj.痛苦难忍的；使人苦恼的v.使极度痛苦；折磨(agonize的ing形式)

参考例句：

• I spent days agonizing over whether to take the job or not. 我用了好些天苦苦思考是否接受这个工作。
• his father's agonizing death 他父亲极度痛苦的死

2 dread   

vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧

参考例句：

• We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
• Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。

3 flicked   

（尤指用手指或手快速地）轻击( flick的过去式和过去分词 )； （用…）轻挥； （快速地）按开关； 向…笑了一下（或瞥了一眼等）

参考例句：

• She flicked the dust off her collar. 她轻轻弹掉了衣领上的灰尘。
• I idly picked up a magazine and flicked through it. 我漫不经心地拿起一本杂志翻看着。

4 justifiable   

adj.有理由的，无可非议的

参考例句：

• What he has done is hardly justifiable.他的所作所为说不过去。
• Justifiable defense is the act being exempted from crimes.正当防卫不属于犯罪行为。

5 fixed   

adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的

参考例句：

• Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗？
• Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定，我们就不应该随意改变。

6 swooped   

俯冲，猛冲( swoop的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The aircraft swooped down over the buildings. 飞机俯冲到那些建筑物上方。
• The hawk swooped down on the rabbit and killed it. 鹰猛地朝兔子扑下来，并把它杀死。

7 cub   

n.幼兽，年轻无经验的人

参考例句：

• The lion cub's mother was hunting for what she needs. 这只幼师的母亲正在捕猎。
• The cub licked the milk from its mother's breast. 这头幼兽吸吮着它妈妈的奶水。