Chapter 13

　　I receive an insulting Christmas card. We spend a pleasant Christmasat Carrie's mother's. A Mr. Moss¹ is rather too free. A boisterousevening, during which I am struck in the dark. I receive an extraordinaryletter from Mr. Mutlar, senior, respecting Lupin. We miss drinking outthe Old Year.

　　December 24. - I am a poor man, but I would gladly give ten shillingsto find out who sent me the insulting Christmas card I received thismorning. I never insult people; why should they insult me? The worstpart of the transaction is, that I find myself suspecting all my friends.

　　The handwriting on the envelope is evidently disguised, being writtensloping the wrong way. I cannot think either Gowing or Cummingswould do such a mean thing. Lupin denied all knowledge of it, and Ibelieve him; although I disapprove² of his laughing and sympathising withthe offender³. Mr. Franching would be above such an act; and I don'tthink any of the Mutlars would descend⁴ to such a course. I wonder if Pitt,that impudent⁵ clerk at the office, did it? Or Mrs. Birrell, the charwoman,or Burwin-Fosselton? The writing is too good for the former.

　　Christmas Day. - We caught the 10.20 train at Paddington, and spent apleasant day at Carrie's mother's. The country was quite nice andpleasant, although the roads were sloppy⁶. We dined in the middle of theday, just ten of us, and talked over old times. If everybody had a nice,UNinterfering mother-in-law, such as I have, what a deal of happinessthere would be in the world. Being all in good spirits, I proposed herhealth, and I made, I think, a very good speech.

　　I concluded, rather neatly⁷, by saying: "On an occasion like thiswhether relatives, friends, or acquaintances, - we are all inspired withgood feelings towards each other. We are of one mind, and think only oflove and friendship. Those who have quarrelled with absent friendsshould kiss and make it up. Those who happily have not fallen out, cankiss all the same." I saw the tears in the eyes of both Carrie and her mother, and must sayI felt very flattered by the compliment. That dear old Reverend JohnPanzy Smith, who married us, made a most cheerful and amusing speech,and said he should act on my suggestion respecting the kissing. He thenwalked round the table and kissed all the ladies, including Carrie. Ofcourse one did not object to this; but I was more than staggered when ayoung fellow named Moss, who was a stranger to me, and who hadscarcely spoken a word through dinner, jumped up suddenly with a sprigof misletoe, and exclaimed: "Hulloh! I don't see why I shouldn't be on inthis scene." Before one could realise what he was about to do, he kissedCarrie and the rest of the ladies.

　　Fortunately the matter was treated as a joke, and we all laughed; but itwas a dangerous experiment, and I felt very uneasy for a moment as to theresult. I subsequently referred to the matter to Carrie, but she said: "Oh,he's not much more than a boy." I said that he had a very largemoustache for a boy. Carrie replied: "I didn't say he was not a niceboy."December 26. - I did not sleep very well last night; I never do in astrange bed. I feel a little indigestion, which one must expect at this timeof the year. Carrie and I returned to Town in the evening. Lupin camein late. He said he enjoyed his Christmas, and added: "I feel as fit as aLowther Arcade⁸ fiddle⁹, and only require a little more 'oof' to feel as fit as a500 pounds Stradivarius." I have long since given up trying tounderstand Lupin's slang, or asking him to explain it.

　　December 27. - I told Lupin I was expecting Gowing and Cummingsto drop in to-morrow evening for a quiet game. I was in hope the boywould volunteer to stay in, and help to amuse them. Instead of which, hesaid: "Oh, you had better put them off, as I have asked Daisy and FrankMutlar to come." I said I could not think of doing such a thing. Lupinsaid: "Then I will send a wire, and put off Daisy." I suggested that apost-card or letter would reach her quite soon enough, and would not be soextravagant.

　　Carrie, who had listened to the above conversation with apparentannoyance, directed a well-aimed shaft¹⁰ at Lupin. She said: "Lupin, why do you object to Daisy meeting your father's friends? Is it because they arenot good enough for her, or (which is equally possible) SHE is not goodenough for them?" Lupin was dumbfounded, and could make no reply.

　　When he left the room, I gave Carrie a kiss of approval.

　　December 28 - Lupin, on coming down to breakfast, said to his mother:

　　"I have not put off Daisy and Frank, and should like them to join Gowingand Cummings this evening." I felt very pleased with the boy for this.

　　Carrie said, in reply: "I am glad you let me know in time, as I can turnover¹¹ the cold leg of mutton, dress it with a little parsley, and no one willknow it has been cut." She further said she would make a few custards,and stew¹² some pippins, so that they would be cold by the evening.

　　Finding Lupin in good spirits, I asked him quietly if he really had anypersonal objection to either Gowing or Cummings. He replied: "Not inthe least. I think Cummings looks rather an ass¹³, but that is partly due tohis patronising 'the three-and-six-one-price hat company,' and wearing areach-me-down frock-coat. As for that perpetual brown velveteen jacketof Gowing's - why, he resembles an itinerant¹⁴ photographer."I said it was not the coat that made the gentleman; whereupon Lupin,with a laugh, replied: "No, and it wasn't much of a gentleman who madetheir coats."We were rather jolly at supper, and Daisy made herself very agreeable,especially in the earlier part of the evening, when she sang. At supper,however, she said: "Can you make tee-to-tums with bread?" and shecommenced rolling up pieces of bread, and twisting them round on thetable. I felt this to be bad manners, but of course said nothing.

　　Presently Daisy and Lupin, to my disgust, began throwing bread-pills ateach other. Frank followed suit, and so did Cummings and Gowing, tomy astonishment¹⁵. They then commenced throwing hard pieces of crust,one piece catching¹⁶ me on the forehead, and making me blink. I said:

　　"Steady, please; steady!" Frank jumped up and said: "Tum, tum; thenthe band played."I did not know what this meant, but they all roared, and continued thebread-battle. Gowing suddenly seized all the parsley off the cold mutton,and threw it full in my face. I looked daggers¹⁷ at Gowing, who replied:

　　 "I say, it's no good trying to look indignant, with your hair full of parsley."I rose from the table, and insisted that a stop should be put to this fooleryat once. Frank Mutlar shouted: "Time, gentlemen, please! time!" andturned out the gas, leaving us in absolute darkness.

　　I was feeling my way out of the room, when I suddenly received ahard intentional¹⁸ punch at the back of my head. I said loudly: "Who didthat?" There was no answer; so I repeated the question, with the sameresult. I struck a match, and lighted the gas. They were all talking andlaughing, so I kept my own counsel; but, after they had gone, I said toCarrie; "The person who sent me that insulting post-card at Christmas washere to-night."December 29. - I had a most vivid dream last night. I woke up, andon falling asleep, dreamed the same dream over again precisely¹⁹. I dreamtI heard Frank Mutlar telling his sister that he had not only sent me theinsulting Christmas card, but admitted that he was the one who punchedmy head last night in the dark. As fate would have it, Lupin, at breakfast,was reading extracts from a letter he had just received from Frank.

　　I asked him to pass the envelope, that I might compare the writing. Hedid so, and I examined it by the side of the envelope containing theChristmas card. I detected a similarity in the writing, in spite of theattempted disguise. I passed them on to Carrie, who began to laugh. Iasked her what she was laughing at, and she said the card was neverdirected to me at all. It was "L. Pooter," not "C. Pooter." Lupin askedto look at the direction and the card, and exclaimed, with a laugh: "Ohyes, Guv., it's meant for me."I said: "Are you in the habit of receiving insulting Christmas cards?"He replied: "Oh yes, and of SENDING them, too."In the evening Gowing called, and said he enjoyed himself very muchlast night. I took the opportunity to confide²⁰ in him, as an old friend,about the vicious punch last night. He burst out laughing, and said:

　　"Oh, it was YOUR HEAD, was it? I know I accidentally hit something,but I thought it was a brick wall." I told him I felt hurt, in both senses ofthe expression.

　　December 30, Sunday. - Lupin spent the whole day with the Mutlars.

　　 He seemed rather cheerful in the evening, so I said: "I'm glad to see youso happy, Lupin." He answered: "Well, Daisy is a splendid girl, but Iwas obliged to take her old fool of a father down a peg²¹. What with hismeanness over his cigars, his stinginess over his drinks, his farthingeconomy in turning down the gas if you only quit the room for a second,writing to one on half-sheets of note-paper, sticking the remnant of the lastcake of soap on to the new cake, putting two bricks on each side of thefireplace, and his general 'outside-halfpenny-'bus-ness,' I was compelled tolet him have a bit of my mind." I said: "Lupin, you are not much morethan a boy; I hope you won't repent²² it."December 31. - The last day of the Old Year. I received anextraordinary letter from Mr. Mutlar, senior. He writes: "Dear Sir, - Fora long time past I have had considerable difficulty deciding the importantquestion, 'Who is the master of my own house? Myself, or YOUR SONLupin?' Believe me, I have no prejudice one way or the other; but I havebeen most reluctantly compelled to give judgment²³ to the effect that I amthe master of it. Under the circumstances, it has become my duty toforbid your son to enter my house again. I am sorry, because it deprivesme of the society of one of the most modest, unassuming, and gentlemanlypersons I have ever had the honour of being acquainted with."I did not desire the last day to wind up disagreeably, so I said nothingto either Carrie or Lupin about the letter.

　　A most terrible fog came on, and Lupin would go out in it, butpromised to be back to drink out the Old Year - a custom we have alwaysobserved. At a quarter to twelve Lupin had not returned, and the fog wasfearful. As time was drawing close, I got out the spirits. Carrie and Ideciding on whisky, I opened a fresh bottle; but Carrie said it smelt²⁴ likebrandy. As I knew it to be whisky, I said there was nothing to discuss.

　　Carrie, evidently vexed²⁵ that Lupin had not come in, did discuss it all thesame, and wanted me to have a small wager²⁶ with her to decide by thesmell. I said I could decide it by the taste in a moment. A silly andunnecessary argument followed, the result of which was we suddenly sawit was a quarter-past twelve, and, for the first time in our married life, wemissed welcoming in the New Year. Lupin got home at a quarter- past two, having got lost in the fog - so he said.

1 moss   

n.苔，藓，地衣

参考例句：

• Moss grows on a rock.苔藓生在石头上。
• He was found asleep on a pillow of leaves and moss.有人看见他枕着树叶和苔藓睡着了。

2 disapprove   

v.不赞成，不同意，不批准

参考例句：

• I quite disapprove of his behaviour.我很不赞同他的行为。
• She wants to train for the theatre but her parents disapprove.她想训练自己做戏剧演员，但她的父母不赞成。

3 offender   

n.冒犯者，违反者，犯罪者

参考例句：

• They all sued out a pardon for an offender.他们请求法院赦免一名罪犯。
• The authorities often know that sex offenders will attack again when they are released.当局一般都知道性犯罪者在获释后往往会再次犯案。

4 descend   

vt./vi.传下来，下来，下降

参考例句：

• I hope the grace of God would descend on me.我期望上帝的恩惠。
• We're not going to descend to such methods.我们不会沦落到使用这种手段。

5 impudent   

adj.鲁莽的，卑鄙的，厚颜无耻的

参考例句：

• She's tolerant toward those impudent colleagues.她对那些无礼的同事采取容忍的态度。
• The teacher threatened to kick the impudent pupil out of the room.老师威胁着要把这无礼的小学生撵出教室。

6 sloppy   

adj.邋遢的，不整洁的

参考例句：

• If you do such sloppy work again,I promise I'll fail you.要是下次作业你再马马虎虎，我话说在头里，可要给你打不及格了。
• Mother constantly picked at him for being sloppy.母亲不断地批评他懒散。

7 neatly   

adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地

参考例句：

• Sailors know how to wind up a long rope neatly.水手们知道怎样把一条大绳利落地缠好。
• The child's dress is neatly gathered at the neck.那孩子的衣服在领口处打着整齐的皱褶。

8 arcade   

n.拱廊；(一侧或两侧有商店的)通道

参考例句：

• At this time of the morning,the arcade was almost empty.在早晨的这个时候，拱廊街上几乎空无一人。
• In our shopping arcade,you can find different kinds of souvenir.在我们的拱廊市场，你可以发现许多的纪念品。

9 fiddle   

n.小提琴；vi.拉提琴；不停拨弄，乱动

参考例句：

• She plays the fiddle well.她小提琴拉得好。
• Don't fiddle with the typewriter.不要摆弄那架打字机了。

10 shaft   

n.(工具的)柄，杆状物

参考例句：

• He was wounded by a shaft.他被箭击中受伤。
• This is the shaft of a steam engine.这是一个蒸汽机主轴。

11 turnover   

n.人员流动率，人事变动率；营业额，成交量

参考例句：

• The store greatly reduced the prices to make a quick turnover.这家商店实行大减价以迅速周转资金。
• Our turnover actually increased last year.去年我们的营业额竟然增加了。

12 stew   

n.炖汤，焖，烦恼；v.炖汤，焖，忧虑

参考例句：

• The stew must be boiled up before serving.炖肉必须煮熟才能上桌。
• There's no need to get in a stew.没有必要烦恼。

13 ass   

n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人

参考例句：

• He is not an ass as they make him.他不象大家猜想的那样笨。
• An ass endures his burden but not more than his burden.驴能负重但不能超过它能力所负担的。

14 itinerant   

adj.巡回的；流动的

参考例句：

• He is starting itinerant performance all over the world.他正在世界各地巡回演出。
• There is a general debate nowadays about the problem of itinerant workers.目前，针对流动工人的问题展开了普遍的争论。

15 astonishment   

n.惊奇，惊异

参考例句：

• They heard him give a loud shout of astonishment.他们听见他惊奇地大叫一声。
• I was filled with astonishment at her strange action.我对她的奇怪举动不胜惊异。

16 catching   

adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住

参考例句：

• There are those who think eczema is catching.有人就是认为湿疹会传染。
• Enthusiasm is very catching.热情非常富有感染力。

17 daggers   

匕首，短剑( dagger的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• I will speak daggers to her, but use none. 我要用利剑一样的话刺痛她的心，但绝不是真用利剑。
• The world lives at daggers drawn in a cold war. 世界在冷战中剑拨弩张。

18 intentional   

adj.故意的，有意（识）的

参考例句：

• Let me assure you that it was not intentional.我向你保证那不是故意的。
• His insult was intentional.他的侮辱是有意的。

19 precisely   

adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地

参考例句：

• It's precisely that sort of slick sales-talk that I mistrust.我不相信的正是那种油腔滑调的推销宣传。
• The man adjusted very precisely.那个人调得很准。

20 confide   

v.向某人吐露秘密

参考例句：

• I would never readily confide in anybody.我从不轻易向人吐露秘密。
• He is going to confide the secrets of his heart to us.他将向我们吐露他心里的秘密。

21 peg   

n.木栓，木钉；vt.用木钉钉，用短桩固定

参考例句：

• Hang your overcoat on the peg in the hall.把你的大衣挂在门厅的挂衣钩上。
• He hit the peg mightily on the top with a mallet.他用木槌猛敲木栓顶。

22 repent   

v.悔悟，悔改，忏悔，后悔

参考例句：

• He has nothing to repent of.他没有什么要懊悔的。
• Remission of sins is promised to those who repent.悔罪者可得到赦免。

23 judgment   

n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见

参考例句：

• The chairman flatters himself on his judgment of people.主席自认为他审视人比别人高明。
• He's a man of excellent judgment.他眼力过人。

24 smelt   

v.熔解，熔炼；n.银白鱼，胡瓜鱼

参考例句：

• Tin is a comparatively easy metal to smelt.锡是比较容易熔化的金属。
• Darby was looking for a way to improve iron when he hit upon the idea of smelting it with coke instead of charcoal.达比一直在寻找改善铁质的方法，他猛然想到可以不用木炭熔炼，而改用焦炭。

25 vexed   

adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论

参考例句：

• The conference spent days discussing the vexed question of border controls. 会议花了几天的时间讨论边境关卡这个难题。
• He was vexed at his failure. 他因失败而懊恼。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

26 wager   

n.赌注；vt.押注，打赌

参考例句：

• They laid a wager on the result of the race.他们以竞赛的结果打赌。
• I made a wager that our team would win.我打赌我们的队会赢。