This, of course, is all when you are married to her. When you are Chiffon's fiancé (she would not have you say sweetheart or lover for worlds), you enjoy what is commonly called in England a high old time. First of all, she will flirt14 with you till your reason rocks upon its throne. Then, when you are about as confused as a little boy who has fallen out of a balloon, she brings you to the idiot-point, informs you that it is so sudden and that she doesn't quite know what you mean, and asks you if you do not think it would have been more manly15 on your part to have spoken first with her papa. Being an Englishman, and having nothing better to do, you put up with it and go guiltily off to Chiffon's delectable16 male parent. He inquires into your income in pretty much the manner of a person who is going to lend you ￡20 on note of hand only, grunts17 a bit, asks to be excused while he has a word with the missis; comes back, says, "Yes, you can have[Pg 52] her," and next morning you find yourself on the same old stool, in front of the same old shiny desk, wondering what in the name of heaven you have done. There is a three-years' courtship, all starch18 and theatre-tickets and bouquets19 and fretfulness and anxiety; there is a wedding pageant20, got up specially21 for the purpose of annoying the neighbours; you have a whirling twenty minutes before a company of curates, who persist in calling you by the wrong name; you go home in shivers; you drink soda-water to prevent you from getting drunk; you make a speech in the tone of a man who has just been hung; you find yourself feeling rather queer aboard the Dover packet,—and Chiffon is yours. Such an experience at a time of life when a man is callow, shy, full of nerves, and unversed in the serious matters of life is bound to leave its mark upon the character. It takes the heart out of most men, and some of them never get it back again. It is an English institution and a stupid one. Like many another English institution, it has its[Pg 53] basis in pretentiousness22 and display, instead of in the vital issues of life. In Scotland we make marriages on different and more serious principles. There are no Chiffons in Scotland, whether maids or matrons. Consequently in Scotland there are precious few fools. Hard heads, sound sense, high spirits, indomitable will, inexhaustible energy, are not the offspring of mammas who know more about cosmetics23 than about swaddling-clothes, and who suckle their children out of patent-food tins. One of the rebukers of Mr. Crosland has pointed24 out with some pertinence25 that the Scotswoman approximates more closely to the Wise Man's view of what a good wife should be than almost any other kind of woman in the world. Here, as Mr. Crosland would say, is Solomon:
Who can find a virtuous26 woman? for her price is far above rubies27.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
[Pg 54]
She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens28.
She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth11 her hands to the needy29.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet30.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
She maketh fine linen31, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
Strength and honour are her clothing: and she shall rejoice in time to come.
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Yes, Mr. Crosland, it is "very, very, very Scotch32." What poor little Chiffon would think of it, if it were put before her as a standard of wifely qualification and duty, nobody but the Englishman knows. Perhaps she[Pg 55] would shrug33 her shoulders and say, "How absurd!" Perhaps she would not understand it at all.
The Englishwoman's love of petty display and cheap fripperies, her desire to outshine the neighbours and to put all she has on her back, and to pass everywhere for a woman of means and station, no doubt had its beginning in a laudable anxiety to make the best of things. Unfortunately, however, the tendency has been developed out of reason, to the neglect of the qualities which make a woman the inspiration and strength of a man's life. To dress, and to talking and thinking about it, the Englishwoman devotes unconscionable hours. The bare business of robing and disrobing takes up pretty well half her waking day. Her transference from the bath to the breakfast-table cannot be accomplished34 under fifty minutes. Before she will appear in the open she will make yet another toilet. She is a full twenty minutes tidying herself before lunch. In the afternoon there is an hour of getting into tea-gowns; and,[Pg 56] crowning rite35 of all, my lady "strips" for dinner. From morn to dewy eve her little mind is busy with dress. The shopping, over which she makes such a fuss, is almost invariably a matter of new frocks, new hats, new shoes, new feathers, matching this, exchanging that, sitting on high stools before pomatumed counter-skippers, and dissipating, in the purchase of sheer superfluities, gold that men have toiled36 for. Her visiting is equally an unmitigatedly dressy matter; she goes to see her friends' frocks, not her friends, and it is the delight of her soul to turn up in toilettes which render her friends frankly37 and miserably38 envious39. Of the real purport40 of clothes she knows nothing; and if you endeavour to explain it to her, she will charge you with the wish to make an old frump of her before her time. As for the expense of it all, she never bothers her pretty head about money matters; she tells you in the most childlike way that her account at the bank seems to be perpetually overdrawn41, but that "Randall is a dear, kind boy,[Pg 57] though he does swear a bit when some of the bills come in. Besides," she says, "I am sure it helps him in his profession to have a well-dressed wife."
And the pity of it is, that quite frequently the person upon which these adornments are lavished42 is really not worth the embellishment, and would indeed be far better served and make a far better show in the least elaborate of garments. For, notoriously, the physique of the Englishwoman of the middle and upper classes is not now what it was. In height, in figure, in suppleness43 and grace of build, the Scottish woman can give her English sister many points. In the matter of facial beauty, too, the Englishwoman cannot be said particularly to shine. At a Drawing-Room, at the opera, the beauty of England spreads itself for your gaze; and the amazing lack both of beauty and the promise of it appals44 you. If we are to believe the society papers, there is not an ugly nor a plain-featured woman of means in all broad England. Every week the English illustrated45 journals[Pg 58] give you pages of photographs, beneath which you may read in entrancing capital letters, "The beautiful Miss Snooks," or "Lady Beertap's two beautiful daughters." Yet the merest glance at those photographs convinces you that Miss Snooks is about as good-looking as the average kitchen-wench, while the two beautiful daughters of Lady Beertap have faces like the backs of cabs. The fact is, that the so-called English beauty is a rare thing and a fragile thing. Fully46 seventy-five per cent. of Englishwomen are not beautiful to look upon. Of the other twenty-five per cent., one here and there—perhaps one in a thousand—could stand beside the Venus of Milo without blenching47. For the rest, they have a girlish prettiness which accompanies them into their thirtieth year, and sickens slowly into a sourness. At forty, little Chiffon, who was so pretty at twenty, has crow's-feet and flat cheeks, and a distinct tendency to the nut-cracker type of profile.
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1
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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entangled
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| adj.卷入的；陷入的；被缠住的；缠在一起的v.使某人（某物/自己）缠绕，纠缠于（某物中），使某人（自己）陷入（困难或复杂的环境中）( entangle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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decadence
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| n.衰落，颓废 | |
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demure
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| adj.严肃的；端庄的 | |
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capering
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| v.跳跃，雀跃( caper的现在分词 )；蹦蹦跳跳 | |
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6
dallies
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| v.随随便便地对待( dally的第三人称单数 )；不很认真地考虑；浪费时间；调情 | |
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7
buck
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| n.雄鹿，雄兔；v.马离地跳跃 | |
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flippancy
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| n.轻率；浮躁；无礼的行动 | |
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conglomeration
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| n.团块，聚集，混合物 | |
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10
champagne
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| n.香槟酒；微黄色 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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hairpin
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| n.簪,束发夹，夹发针 | |
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13
concurs
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| 同意（concur的第三人称单数形式） | |
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flirt
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| v.调情，挑逗，调戏；n.调情者，卖俏者 | |
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15
manly
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| adj.有男子气概的；adv.男子般地，果断地 | |
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16
delectable
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| adj.使人愉快的；美味的 | |
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17
grunts
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| （猪等）作呼噜声( grunt的第三人称单数 )； （指人）发出类似的哼声； 咕哝着说； 石鲈 | |
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18
starch
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| n.淀粉；vt.给...上浆 | |
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19
bouquets
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| n.花束( bouquet的名词复数 )；（酒的）芳香 | |
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pageant
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| n.壮观的游行；露天历史剧 | |
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21
specially
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| adv.特定地；特殊地；明确地 | |
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22
pretentiousness
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| n.矫饰；炫耀；自负；狂妄 | |
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23
cosmetics
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| n.化妆品 | |
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24
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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25
pertinence
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| n.中肯 | |
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26
virtuous
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| adj.有品德的，善良的，贞洁的，有效力的 | |
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27
rubies
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| 红宝石( ruby的名词复数 )； 红宝石色，深红色 | |
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28
maidens
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| 处女( maiden的名词复数 )； 少女； 未婚女子； （板球运动）未得分的一轮投球 | |
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29
needy
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| adj.贫穷的，贫困的，生活艰苦的 | |
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30
scarlet
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| n.深红色，绯红色，红衣；adj.绯红色的 | |
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31
linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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32
scotch
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| n.伤口，刻痕；苏格兰威士忌酒；v.粉碎，消灭，阻止；adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
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33
shrug
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| v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等) | |
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34
accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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35
rite
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| n.典礼，惯例，习俗 | |
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36
toiled
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| 长时间或辛苦地工作( toil的过去式和过去分词 )； 艰难缓慢地移动，跋涉 | |
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37
frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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38
miserably
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| adv.痛苦地；悲惨地；糟糕地；极度地 | |
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39
envious
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| adj.嫉妒的，羡慕的 | |
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40
purport
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| n.意义，要旨，大要；v.意味著，做为...要旨，要领是... | |
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41
overdrawn
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| 透支( overdraw的过去分词 )； (overdraw的过去分词) | |
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42
lavished
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| v.过分给予，滥施( lavish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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43
suppleness
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| 柔软； 灵活； 易弯曲； 顺从 | |
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44
appals
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| v.使惊骇，使充满恐惧( appal的第三人称单数 ) | |
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45
illustrated
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| adj. 有插图的，列举的 动词illustrate的过去式和过去分词 | |
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46
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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47
blenching
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| v.（因惊吓而）退缩，惊悸( blench的现在分词 )；（使）变白，（使）变苍白 | |
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