IN WHICH Mr. PICKWICK ENCOUNTERS ANOLD ACQUAINTANCE―TO WHICHFORTUNATE CIRCUMSTANCE THE READER ISMAINLY INDEBTED FOR MATTER OFTHRILLING INTEREST HEREIN SET DOWN,CONCERNING TWO GREAT PUBLIC MEN OFMIGHT AND POWERhe morning which broke upon Mr. Pickwick’s sight ateight o’clock, was not at all calculated to elevate his spirits,or to lessen1 the depression which the unlooked-for resultof his embassy inspired. The sky was dark and gloomy, the air wasdamp and raw, the streets were wet and sloppy2. The smoke hungsluggishly above the chimney-tops as if it lacked the courage torise, and the rain came slowly and doggedly3 down, as if it had noteven the spirit to pour. A game-cock in the stableyard, deprived ofevery spark of his accustomed animation4, balanced himselfdismally on one leg in a corner; a donkey, moping with droopinghead under the narrow roof of an outhouse, appeared from hismeditative and miserable6 countenance7 to be contemplatingsuicide. In the street, umbrellas were the only things to be seen,and the clicking of pattens and splashing of rain-drops were theonly sounds to be heard.
The breakfast was interrupted by very little conversation; evenMr. Bob Sawyer felt the influence of the weather, and the previousday’s excitement. In his own expressive8 language he was ‘floored.’
So was Mr. Ben Allen. So was Mr. Pickwick.
In protracted9 expectation of the weather clearing up, the lastevening paper from London was read and re-read with anintensity of interest only known in cases of extreme destitution;every inch of the carpet was walked over with similarperseverance; the windows were looked out of, often enough tojustify the imposition of an additional duty upon them; all kinds oftopics of conversation were started, and failed; and at length Mr.
Pickwick, when noon had arrived, without a change for the better,rang the bell resolutely11, and ordered out the chaise.
Although the roads were miry, and the drizzling12 rain camedown harder than it had done yet, and although the mud and wetsplashed in at the open windows of the carriage to such an extentthat the discomfort13 was almost as great to the pair of insides as tothe pair of outsides, still there was something in the motion, andthe sense of being up and doing, which was so infinitely14 superiorto being pent in a dull room, looking at the dull rain dripping intoa dull street, that they all agreed, on starting, that the change wasa great improvement, and wondered how they could possibly havedelayed making it as long as they had done.
When they stopped to change at Coventry, the steam ascendedfrom the horses in such clouds as wholly to obscure the hostler,whose voice was however heard to declare from the mist, that heexpected the first gold medal from the Humane16 Society on theirnext distribution of rewards, for taking the postboy’s hat off; thewater descending17 from the brim of which, the invisible gentlemandeclared, must have drowned him (the postboy), but for his greatpresence of mind in tearing it promptly18 from his head, and dryingthe gasping19 man’s countenance with a wisp of straw.
‘This is pleasant,’ said Bob Sawyer, turning up his coat collar,and pulling the shawl over his mouth to concentrate the fumes20 of aglass of brandy just swallowed.
‘Wery,’ replied Sam composedly.
‘You don’t seem to mind it,’ observed Bob.
‘Vy, I don’t exactly see no good my mindin’ on it ‘ud do, sir,’
replied Sam.
‘That’s an unanswerable reason, anyhow,’ said Bob.
‘Yes, sir,’ rejoined Mr. Weller. ‘Wotever is, is right, as the youngnobleman sweetly remarked wen they put him down in thepension list ’cos his mother’s uncle’s vife’s grandfather vunce litthe king’s pipe vith a portable tinder-box.’
‘Not a bad notion that, Sam,’ said Mr. Bob Sawyer approvingly.
‘Just wot the young nobleman said ev’ry quarter-dayarterwards for the rest of his life,’ replied Mr. Weller.
‘Wos you ever called in,’ inquired Sam, glancing at the driver,after a short silence, and lowering his voice to a mysteriouswhisper―‘wos you ever called in, when you wos ’prentice to asawbones, to wisit a postboy.’
‘I don’t remember that I ever was,’ replied Bob Sawyer.
‘You never see a postboy in that ’ere hospital as you walked (asthey says o’ the ghosts), did you?’ demanded Sam.
‘No,’ replied Bob Sawyer. ‘I don’t think I ever did.’
‘Never know’d a churchyard were there wos a postboy’stombstone, or see a dead postboy, did you?’ inquired Sam,pursuing his catechism.
‘No,’ rejoined Bob, ‘I never did.’
‘No!’ rejoined Sam triumphantly22. ‘Nor never vill; and there’sanother thing that no man never see, and that’s a dead donkey. Noman never see a dead donkey ’cept the gen’l’m’n in the black silksmalls as know’d the young ’ooman as kep’ a goat; and that wos aFrench donkey, so wery likely he warn’t wun o’ the reg’lar breed.’
‘Well, what has that got to do with the postboys?’ asked BobSawyer.
‘This here,’ replied Sam. ‘Without goin’ so far as to as-sert, assome wery sensible people do, that postboys and donkeys is bothimmortal, wot I say is this: that wenever they feels theirselvesgettin’ stiff and past their work, they just rides off together, wunpostboy to a pair in the usual way; wot becomes on ’em nobodyknows, but it’s wery probable as they starts avay to take theirpleasure in some other vorld, for there ain’t a man alive as eversee either a donkey or a postboy a-takin’ his pleasure in this!’
Expatiating upon this learned and remarkable23 theory, andciting many curious statistical24 and other facts in its support, SamWeller beguiled25 the time until they reached Dunchurch, where adry postboy and fresh horses were procured26; the next stage wasDaventry, and the next Towcester; and at the end of each stage itrained harder than it had done at the beginning.
‘I say,’ remonstrated27 Bob Sawyer, looking in at the coachwindow, as they pulled up before the door of the Saracen’s Head,Towcester, ‘this won’t do, you know.’
‘Bless me!’ said Mr. Pickwick, just awakening28 from a nap, ‘I’mafraid you’re wet.’
‘Oh, you are, are you?’ returned Bob. ‘Yes, I am, a little thatway, Uncomfortably damp, perhaps.’
Bob did look dampish, inasmuch as the rain was streamingfrom his neck, elbows, cuffs29, skirts, and knees; and his wholeapparel shone so with the wet, that it might have been mistakenfor a full suit of prepared oilskin.
‘I am rather wet,’ said Bob, giving himself a shake and casting alittle hydraulic30 shower around, like a Newfoundland dog justemerged from the water.
‘I think it’s quite impossible to go on to-night,’ interposed Ben.
‘Out of the question, sir,’ remarked Sam Weller, coming toassist in the conference; ‘it’s a cruelty to animals, sir, to ask ’em todo it. There’s beds here, sir,’ said Sam, addressing his master,‘everything clean and comfortable. Wery good little dinner, sir,they can get ready in half an hour―pair of fowls31, sir, and a wealcutlet; French beans, ’taturs, tart10, and tidiness. You’d better stopvere you are, sir, if I might recommend. Take adwice, sir, as thedoctor said.’
The host of the Saracen’s Head opportunely32 appeared at thismoment, to confirm Mr. Weller’s statement relative to theaccommodations of the establishment, and to back his entreatieswith a variety of dismal5 conjectures33 regarding the state of theroads, the doubt of fresh horses being to be had at the next stage,the dead certainty of its raining all night, the equally mortalcertainty of its clearing up in the morning, and other topics ofinducement familiar to innkeepers.
‘Well,’ said Mr. Pickwick; ‘but I must send a letter to London bysome conveyance34, so that it may be delivered the very first thing inthe morning, or I must go forwards at all hazards.’
The landlord smiled his delight. Nothing could be easier thanfor the gentleman to inclose a letter in a sheet of brown paper, andsend it on, either by the mail or the night coach from Birmingham.
If the gentleman were particularly anxious to have it left as soonas possible, he might write outside, ‘To be delivered immediately,’
which was sure to be attended to; or ‘Pay the bearer half-a-crownextra for instant delivery,’ which was surer still.
‘Very well,’ said Mr. Pickwick, ‘then we will stop here.’
‘Lights in the Sun, John; make up the fire; the gentlemen arewet!’ cried the landlord. ‘This way, gentlemen; don’t troubleyourselves about the postboy now, sir. I’ll send him to you whenyou ring for him, sir. Now, John, the candles.’
The candles were brought, the fire was stirred up, and a freshlog of wood thrown on. In ten minutes’ time, a waiter was layingthe cloth for dinner, the curtains were drawn35, the fire was blazingbrightly, and everything looked (as everything always does, in alldecent English inns) as if the travellers had been expected, andtheir comforts prepared, for days beforehand.
Mr. Pickwick sat down at a side table, and hastily indited36 a noteto Mr. Winkle, merely informing him that he was detained bystress of weather, but would certainly be in London next day; untilwhen he deferred38 any account of his proceedings39. This note washastily made into a parcel, and despatched to the bar per Mr.
Samuel Weller.
Sam left it with the landlady41, and was returning to pull hismaster’s boots off, after drying himself by the kitchen fire, whenglancing casually42 through a half-opened door, he was arrested bythe sight of a gentleman with a sandy head who had a large bundleof newspapers lying on the table before him, and was perusing43 theleading article of one with a settled sneer44 which curled up his noseand all other features into a majestic45 expression of haughtycontempt.
‘Hollo!’ said Sam, ‘I ought to know that ’ere head and themfeatures; the eyeglass, too, and the broad-brimmed tile! Eatansvillto vit, or I’m a Roman.’
Sam was taken with a troublesome cough, at once, for thepurpose of attracting the gentleman’s attention; the gentlemanstarting at the sound, raised his head and his eyeglass, anddisclosed to view the profound and thoughtful features of Mr. Pott,of the Eatanswill Gazette.
‘Beggin’ your pardon, sir,’ said Sam, advancing with a bow, ‘mymaster’s here, Mr. Pott.’
‘Hush47! hush!’ cried Pott, drawing Sam into the room, andclosing the door, with a countenance of mysterious dread48 andapprehension.
‘Wot’s the matter, sir?’ inquired Sam, looking vacantly abouthim.
‘Not a whisper of my name,’ replied Pott; ‘this is a buffneighbourhood. If the excited and irritable49 populace knew I washere, I should be torn to pieces.’
‘No! Vould you, sir?’ inquired Sam.
‘I should be the victim of their fury,’ replied Pott. ‘Now youngman, what of your master?’
‘He’s a-stopping here to-night on his vay to town, with a coupleof friends,’ replied Sam.
‘Is Mr. Winkle one of them?’ inquired Pott, with a slight frown.
‘No, sir. Mr. Vinkle stops at home now,’ rejoined Sam. ‘He’smarried.’
‘Married!’ exclaimed Pott, with frightful50 vehemence51. Hestopped, smiled darkly, and added, in a low, vindictive52 tone, ‘Itserves him right!’ Having given vent15 to this cruel ebullition ofdeadly malice53 and cold-blooded triumph over a fallen enemy, Mr.
Pott inquired whether Mr. Pickwick’s friends were ‘blue?’
Receiving a most satisfactory answer in the affirmative from Sam,who knew as much about the matter as Pott himself, he consentedto accompany him to Mr. Pickwick’s room, where a heartywelcome awaited him, and an agreement to club their dinnerstogether was at once made and ratified54.
‘And how are matters going on in Eatanswill?’ inquired Mr.
Pickwick, when Pott had taken a seat near the fire, and the wholeparty had got their wet boots off, and dry slippers55 on. ‘Is theIndependent still in being?’
‘The Independent, sir,’ replied Pott, ‘is still dragging on awretched and lingering career. Abhorred56 and despised by eventhe few who are cognisant of its miserable and disgracefulexistence, stifled57 by the very filth58 it so profusely59 scatters60, rendereddeaf and blind by the exhalations of its own slime, the obscenejournal, happily unconscious of its degraded state, is rapidlysinking beneath that treacherous61 mud which, while it seems togive it a firm standing62 with the low and debased classes of society,is nevertheless rising above its detested63 head, and will speedilyengulf it for ever.’
Having delivered this manifesto64 (which formed a portion of hislast week’s leader) with vehement65 articulation66, the editor pausedto take breath, and looked majestically67 at Bob Sawyer.
‘You are a young man, sir,’ said Pott.
Mr. Bob Sawyer nodded.
‘So are you, sir,’ said Pott, addressing Mr. Ben Allen.
Ben admitted the soft impeachment68.
‘And are both deeply imbued69 with those blue principles, which,so long as I live, I have pledged myself to the people of thesekingdoms to support and to maintain?’ suggested Pott.
‘Why, I don’t exactly know about that,’ replied Bob Sawyer. ‘Iam―’
‘Not buff, Mr. Pickwick,’ interrupted Pott, drawing back hischair, ‘your friend is not buff, sir?’
‘No, no,’ rejoined Bob, ‘I’m a kind of plaid at present; acompound of all sorts of colours.’
‘A waverer,’ said Pott solemnly, ‘a waverer. I should like toshow you a series of eight articles, sir, that have appeared in theEatanswill Gazette. I think I may venture to say that you wouldnot be long in establishing your opinions on a firm and solid bluebasis, sir.’
‘I dare say I should turn very blue, long before I got to the endof them,’ responded Bob.
Mr. Pott looked dubiously70 at Bob Sawyer for some seconds,and, turning to Mr. Pickwick, said―‘You have seen the literary articles which have appeared atintervals in the Eatanswill Gazette in the course of the last threemonths, and which have excited such general―I may say suchuniversal―attention and admiration71?’
‘Why,’ replied Mr. Pickwick, slightly embarrassed by thequestion, ‘the fact is, I have been so much engaged in other ways,that I really have not had an opportunity of perusing them.’
‘You should do so, sir,’ said Pott, with a severe countenance.
‘I will,’ said Mr. Pickwick.
‘They appeared in the form of a copious72 review of a work onChinese metaphysics, sir,’ said Pott.
‘Oh,’ observed Mr. Pickwick; ‘from your pen, I hope?’
‘From the pen of my critic, sir,’ rejoined Pott, with dignity.
‘An abstruse73 subject, I should conceive,’ said Mr. Pickwick.
‘Very, sir,’ responded Pott, looking intensely sage74. ‘He crammedfor it, to use a technical but expressive term; he read up for thesubject, at my desire, in the Encyclopaedia75 Britannica.’
‘Indeed!’ said Mr. Pickwick; ‘I was not aware that that valuablework contained any information respecting Chinese metaphysics.’
‘He read, sir,’ rejoined Pott, laying his hand on Mr. Pickwick’sknee, and looking round with a smile of intellectual superiority―‘he read for metaphysics under the letter M, and for China underthe letter C, and combined his information, sir!’
Mr. Pott’s features assumed so much additional grandeur76 at therecollection of the power and research displayed in the learnedeffusions in question, that some minutes elapsed before Mr.
Pickwick felt emboldened77 to renew the conversation; at length, asthe editor’s countenance gradually relaxed into its customaryexpression of moral supremacy78, he ventured to resume thediscourse by asking―‘Is it fair to inquire what great object has brought you so farfrom home?’
‘That object which actuates and animates79 me in all my giganticlabours, sir,’ replied Pott, with a calm smile: ‘my country’s good.’
‘I supposed it was some public mission,’ observed Mr. Pickwick.
‘Yes, sir,’ resumed Pott, ‘it is.’ Here, bending towards Mr.
Pickwick, he whispered in a deep, hollow voice, ‘A Buff ball, sir,will take place in Birmingham to-morrow evening.’
‘God bless me!’ exclaimed Mr. Pickwick.
‘Yes, sir, and supper,’ added Pott.
‘You don’t say so!’ ejaculated Mr. Pickwick.
Pott nodded portentously80.
Now, although Mr. Pickwick feigned81 to stand aghast at thisdisclosure, he was so little versed82 in local politics that he wasunable to form an adequate comprehension of the importance ofthe dire83 conspiracy84 it referred to; observing which, Mr. Pott,drawing forth85 the last number of the Eatanswill Gazette, andreferring to the same, delivered himself of the followingparagraph:―HOLE-AND-CORNER BUFFERY.
‘A reptile86 contemporary has recently sweltered forth his blackvenom in the vain and hopeless attempt of sullying the fair nameof our distinguished87 and excellent representative, the HonourableMr. Slumkey―that Slumkey whom we, long before he gained hispresent noble and exalted89 position, predicted would one day be, ashe now is, at once his country’s brightest honour, and herproudest boast: alike her bold defender90 and her honest pride―ourreptile contemporary, we say, has made himself merry, at theexpense of a superbly embossed plated coal-scuttle, which hasbeen presented to that glorious man by his enrapturedconstituents, and towards the purchase of which, the namelesswretch insinuates92, the Honourable88 Mr. Slumkey himselfcontributed, through a confidential93 friend of his butler’s, morethan three-fourths of the whole sum subscribed94. Why, does not thecrawling creature see, that even if this be the fact, the HonourableMr. Slumkey only appears in a still more amiable95 and radiant lightthan before, if that be possible? Does not even his obtusenessperceive that this amiable and touching96 desire to carry out thewishes of the constituent91 body, must for ever endear him to thehearts and souls of such of his fellow townsmen as are not worsethan swine; or, in other words, who are not as debased as ourcontemporary himself? But such is the wretched trickery of hole-and-corner Buffery! These are not its only artifices97. Treason isabroad. We boldly state, now that we are goaded98 to the disclosure,and we throw ourselves on the country and its constables99 forprotection―we boldly state that secret preparations are at thismoment in progress for a Buff ball; which is to be held in a Bufftown, in the very heart and centre of a Buff population; which is tobe conducted by a Buff master of the ceremonies; which is to beattended by four ultra Buff members of Parliament, and theadmission to which, is to be by Buff tickets! Does our fiendishcontemporary wince100? Let him writhe101, in impotent malice, as wepen the words, WE WILL BE THERE.’
‘There, sir,’ said Pott, folding up the paper quite exhausted,‘that is the state of the case!’
The landlord and waiter entering at the moment with dinner,caused Mr. Pott to lay his finger on his lips, in token that heconsidered his life in Mr. Pickwick’s hands, and depended on hissecrecy. Messrs. Bob Sawyer and Benjamin Allen, who hadirreverently fallen asleep during the reading of the quotation102 fromthe Eatanswill Gazette, and the discussion which followed it, wereroused by the mere37 whispering of the talismanic103 word ‘Dinner’ intheir ears; and to dinner they went with good digestion104 waiting onappetite, and health on both, and a waiter on all three.
In the course of the dinner and the sitting which succeeded it,Mr. Pott descending, for a few moments, to domestic topics,informed Mr. Pickwick that the air of Eatanswill not agreeing withhis lady, she was then engaged in making a tour of differentfashionable watering-places with a view to the recovery of herwonted health and spirits; this was a delicate veiling of the factthat Mrs. Pott, acting46 upon her often-repeated threat ofseparation, had, in virtue105 of an arrangement negotiated by herbrother, the lieutenant106, and concluded by Mr. Pott, permanentlyretired with the faithful bodyguard107 upon one moiety108 or half part ofthe annual income and profits arising from the editorship and saleof the Eatanswill Gazette.
While the great Mr. Pott was dwelling109 upon this and othermatters, enlivening the conversation from time to time withvarious extracts from his own lucubrations, a stern stranger,calling from the window of a stage-coach, outward bound, whichhalted at the inn to deliver packages, requested to know whether ifhe stopped short on his journey and remained there for the night,he could be furnished with the necessary accommodation of a bedand bedstead.
‘Certainly, sir,’ replied the landlord.
‘I can, can I?’ inquired the stranger, who seemed habituallysuspicious in look and manner.
‘No doubt of it, sir,’ replied the landlord.
‘Good,’ said the stranger. ‘Coachman, I get down here. Guard,my carpet-bag!’
Bidding the other passengers good-night, in a rather snappishmanner, the stranger alighted. He was a shortish gentleman, withvery stiff black hair cut in the porcupine110 or blacking-brush style,and standing stiff and straight all over his head; his aspect waspompous and threatening; his manner was peremptory111; his eyeswere sharp and restless; and his whole bearing bespoke112 a feelingof great confidence in himself, and a consciousness ofimmeasurable superiority over all other people.
This gentleman was shown into the room originally assigned tothe patriotic113 Mr. Pott; and the waiter remarked, in dumbastonishment at the singular coincidence, that he had no soonerlighted the candles than the gentleman, diving into his hat, drewforth a newspaper, and began to read it with the very sameexpression of indignant scorn, which, upon the majestic featuresof Pott, had paralysed his energies an hour before. The manobserved too, that, whereas Mr. Pott’s scorn had been roused by anewspaper headed the Eatanswill Independent, this gentleman’swithering contempt was awakened114 by a newspaper entitled theEatanswill Gazette.
‘Send the landlord,’ said the stranger.
‘Yes, sir,’ rejoined the waiter.
The landlord was sent, and came.
‘Are you the landlord?’ inquired the gentleman.
‘I am sir,’ replied the landlord.
‘My name is Slurk,’ said the gentleman.
The landlord slightly inclined his head.
‘Slurk, sir,’ repeated the gentleman haughtily115. ‘Do you know menow, man?’
The landlord scratched his head, looked at the ceiling, and atthe stranger, and smiled feebly.
‘Do you know me, man?’ inquired the stranger angrily.
The landlord made a strong effort, and at length replied: ‘Well,sir, I do not know you.’
‘Great Heaven!’ said the stranger, dashing his clenched116 fistupon the table. ‘And this is popularity!’
The landlord took a step or two towards the door; the strangerfixing his eyes upon him, resumed.
‘This,’ said the stranger―‘this is gratitude117 for years of labourand study in behalf of the masses. I alight wet and weary; noenthusiastic crowds press forward to greet their champion; thechurch bells are silent; the very name elicits118 no responsive feelingin their torpid119 bosoms120. It is enough,’ said the agitated121 Mr. Slurk,pacing to and fro, ‘to curdle122 the ink in one’s pen, and induce one toabandon their cause for ever.’
‘Did you say brandy-and-water, sir?’ said the landlord,venturing a hint.
‘Rum,’ said Mr. Slurk, turning fiercely upon him. ‘Have you gota fire anywhere?’
‘We can light one directly, sir,’ said the landlord.
‘Which will throw out no heat until it is bed-time,’ interruptedMr. Slurk. ‘Is there anybody in the kitchen?’
Not a soul. There was a beautiful fire. Everybody had gone, andthe house door was closed for the night.
‘I will drink my rum-and-water,’ said Mr. Slurk, ‘by the kitchenfire.’ So, gathering123 up his hat and newspaper, he stalked solemnlybehind the landlord to that humble124 apartment, and throwinghimself on a settle by the fireside, resumed his countenance ofscorn, and began to read and drink in silent dignity.
Now, some demon125 of discord126, flying over the Saracen’s Head atthat moment, on casting down his eyes in mere idle curiosity,happened to behold127 Slurk established comfortably by the kitchenfire, and Pott slightly elevated with wine in another room; uponwhich the malicious128 demon, darting129 down into the last-mentionedapartment with inconceivable rapidity, passed at once into thehead of Mr. Bob Sawyer, and prompted him for his (the demon’s)own evil purpose to speak as follows:―‘I say, we’ve let the fire out. It’s uncommonly130 cold after the rain,isn’t it?’
‘It really is,’ replied Mr. Pickwick, shivering.
‘It wouldn’t be a bad notion to have a cigar by the kitchen fire,would it?’ said Bob Sawyer, still prompted by the demonaforesaid.
‘It would be particularly comfortable, I think,’ replied Mr.
Pickwick. ‘Mr. Pott, what do you say?’
Mr. Pott yielded a ready assent131; and all four travellers, eachwith his glass in his hand, at once betook themselves to thekitchen, with Sam Weller heading the procession to show them theway.
The stranger was still reading; he looked up and started. Mr.
Pott started.
‘What’s the matter?’ whispered Mr. Pickwick.
‘That reptile!’ replied Pott.
‘What reptile?’ said Mr. Pickwick, looking about him for fear heshould tread on some overgrown black beetle132, or dropsical spider.
‘That reptile,’ whispered Pott, catching133 Mr. Pickwick by thearm, and pointing towards the stranger. ‘That reptile Slurk, of theIndependent!’
‘Perhaps we had better retire,’ whispered Mr. Pickwick.
‘Never, sir,’ rejoined Pott, pot-valiant in a double sense―‘never.’ With these words, Mr. Pott took up his position on anopposite settle, and selecting one from a little bundle ofnewspapers, began to read against his enemy.
Mr. Pott, of course read the Independent, and Mr. Slurk, ofcourse, read the Gazette; and each gentleman audibly expressedhis contempt at the other’s compositions by bitter laughs andsarcastic sniffs134; whence they proceeded to more open expressionsof opinion, such as ‘absurd,’ ‘wretched,’ ‘atrocity,’ ‘humbug,’
‘knavery’, ‘dirt,’ ‘filth,’ ‘slime,’ ‘ditch-water,’ and other criticalremarks of the like nature.
Both Mr. Bob Sawyer and Mr. Ben Allen had beheld135 thesesymptoms of rivalry136 and hatred137, with a degree of delight whichimparted great additional relish138 to the cigars at which they werepuffing most vigorously. The moment they began to flag, themischievous Mr. Bob Sawyer, addressing Slurk with greatpoliteness, said―‘Will you allow me to look at your paper, sir, when you havequite done with it?’
‘You will find very little to repay you for your trouble in thiscontemptible thing, sir,’ replied Slurk, bestowing139 a Satanic frownon Pott.
‘You shall have this presently,’ said Pott, looking up, pale withrage, and quivering in his speech, from the same cause. ‘Ha! ha!
you will be amused with this fellow’s audacity140.’
Terrible emphasis was laid upon ‘thing’ and ‘fellow’; and thefaces of both editors began to glow with defiance141.
‘The ribaldry of this miserable man is despicably disgusting,’
said Pott, pretending to address Bob Sawyer, and scowling142 uponSlurk. Here, Mr. Slurk laughed very heartily143, and folding up thepaper so as to get at a fresh column conveniently, said, that theblockhead really amused him.
‘What an impudent144 blunderer this fellow is,’ said Pott, turningfrom pink to crimson145.
‘Did you ever read any of this man’s foolery, sir?’ inquiredSlurk of Bob Sawyer.
‘Never,’ replied Bob; ‘is it very bad?’
‘Oh, shocking! shocking!’ rejoined Slurk.
‘Really! Dear me, this is too atrocious!’ exclaimed Pott, at thisjuncture; still feigning146 to be absorbed in his reading.
‘If you can wade147 through a few sentences of malice, meanness,falsehood, perjury148, treachery, and cant,’ said Slurk, handing thepaper to Bob, ‘you will, perhaps, be somewhat repaid by a laugh atthe style of this ungrammatical twaddler.’
‘What’s that you said, sir?’ inquired Mr. Pott, looking up,trembling all over with passion.
‘What’s that to you, sir?’ replied Slurk.
‘Ungrammatical twaddler, was it, sir?’ said Pott.
‘Yes, sir, it was,’ replied Slurk; ‘and blue bore, sir, if you like thatbetter; ha! ha!’
Mr. Pott retorted not a word at this jocose149 insult, butdeliberately folded up his copy of the Independent, flattened150 itcarefully down, crushed it beneath his boot, spat40 upon it withgreat ceremony, and flung it into the fire.
‘There, sir,’ said Pott, retreating from the stove, ‘and that’s theway I would serve the viper151 who produces it, if I were not,fortunately for him, restrained by the laws of my country.’
‘Serve him so, sir!’ cried Slurk, starting up. ‘Those laws shallnever be appealed to by him, sir, in such a case. Serve him so, sir!’
‘Hear! hear!’ said Bob Sawyer.
‘Nothing can be fairer,’ observed Mr. Ben Allen.
‘Serve him so, sir!’ reiterated152 Slurk, in a loud voice.
Mr. Pott darted153 a look of contempt, which might have witheredan anchor.
‘Serve him so, sir!’ reiterated Slurk, in a louder voice thanbefore.
‘I will not, sir,’ rejoined Pott.
‘Oh, you won’t, won’t you, sir?’ said Mr. Slurk, in a tauntingmanner; ‘you hear this, gentlemen! He won’t; not that he’safraid―, oh, no! he won’t. Ha! ha!’
‘I consider you, sir,’ said Mr. Pott, moved by this sarcasm154, ‘Iconsider you a viper. I look upon you, sir, as a man who has placedhimself beyond the pale of society, by his most audacious,disgraceful, and abominable155 public conduct. I view you, sir,personally and politically, in no other light than as a mostunparalleled and unmitigated viper.’
The indignant Independent did not wait to hear the end of thispersonal denunciation; for, catching up his carpet-bag, which waswell stuffed with movables, he swung it in the air as Pott turnedaway, and, letting it fall with a circular sweep on his head, just atthat particular angle of the bag where a good thick hairbrushhappened to be packed, caused a sharp crash to be heardthroughout the kitchen, and brought him at once to the ground.
‘Gentlemen,’ cried Mr. Pickwick, as Pott started up and seizedthe fire-shovel―‘gentlemen! Consider, for Heaven’s sake―help―Sam―here―pray, gentlemen―interfere, somebody.’
Uttering these incoherent exclamations156, Mr. Pickwick rushedbetween the infuriated combatants just in time to receive thecarpet-bag on one side of his body, and the fire-shovel on theother. Whether the representatives of the public feeling ofEatanswill were blinded by animosity, or (being both acutereasoners) saw the advantage of having a third party betweenthem to bear all the blows, certain it is that they paid not theslightest attention to Mr. Pickwick, but defying each other withgreat spirit, plied21 the carpet-bag and the fire-shovel mostfearlessly. Mr. Pickwick would unquestionably have sufferedseverely for his humane interference, if Mr. Weller, attracted byhis master’s cries, had not rushed in at the moment, and,snatching up a meal―sack, effectually stopped the conflict bydrawing it over the head and shoulders of the mighty157 Pott, andclasping him tight round the shoulders. ‘Take away that ’ere bagfrom the t’other madman,’ said Sam to Ben Allen and Bob Sawyer,who had done nothing but dodge158 round the group, each with atortoise-shell lancet in his hand, ready to bleed the first manstunned. ‘Give it up, you wretched little creetur, or I’ll smotheryou in it.’
Awed by these threats, and quite out of breath, theIndependent suffered himself to be disarmed159; and Mr. Weller,removing the extinguisher from Pott, set him free with a caution.
‘You take yourselves off to bed quietly,’ said Sam, ‘or I’ll putyou both in it, and let you fight it out vith the mouth tied, as Ivould a dozen sich, if they played these games. And you have thegoodness to come this here way, sir, if you please.’
Thus addressing his master, Sam took him by the arm, and ledhim off, while the rival editors were severally removed to theirbeds by the landlord, under the inspection160 of Mr. Bob Sawyer andMr. Benjamin Allen; breathing, as they went away, manysanguinary threats, and making vague appointments for mortalcombat next day. When they came to think it over, however, itoccurred to them that they could do it much better in print, sothey recommenced deadly hostilities161 without delay; and allEatanswill rung with their boldness―on paper.
They had taken themselves off in separate coaches, early nextmorning, before the other travellers were stirring; and the weatherhaving now cleared up, the chaise companions once more turnedtheir faces to London.
1 lessen | |
vt.减少,减轻;缩小 | |
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2 sloppy | |
adj.邋遢的,不整洁的 | |
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3 doggedly | |
adv.顽强地,固执地 | |
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4 animation | |
n.活泼,兴奋,卡通片/动画片的制作 | |
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5 dismal | |
adj.阴沉的,凄凉的,令人忧郁的,差劲的 | |
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6 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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7 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
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8 expressive | |
adj.表现的,表达…的,富于表情的 | |
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9 protracted | |
adj.拖延的;延长的v.拖延“protract”的过去式和过去分词 | |
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10 tart | |
adj.酸的;尖酸的,刻薄的;n.果馅饼;淫妇 | |
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11 resolutely | |
adj.坚决地,果断地 | |
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12 drizzling | |
下蒙蒙细雨,下毛毛雨( drizzle的现在分词 ) | |
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13 discomfort | |
n.不舒服,不安,难过,困难,不方便 | |
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14 infinitely | |
adv.无限地,无穷地 | |
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15 vent | |
n.通风口,排放口;开衩;vt.表达,发泄 | |
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16 humane | |
adj.人道的,富有同情心的 | |
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17 descending | |
n. 下行 adj. 下降的 | |
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18 promptly | |
adv.及时地,敏捷地 | |
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19 gasping | |
adj. 气喘的, 痉挛的 动词gasp的现在分词 | |
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20 fumes | |
n.(强烈而刺激的)气味,气体 | |
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21 plied | |
v.使用(工具)( ply的过去式和过去分词 );经常供应(食物、饮料);固定往来;经营生意 | |
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22 triumphantly | |
ad.得意洋洋地;得胜地;成功地 | |
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23 remarkable | |
adj.显著的,异常的,非凡的,值得注意的 | |
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24 statistical | |
adj.统计的,统计学的 | |
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25 beguiled | |
v.欺骗( beguile的过去式和过去分词 );使陶醉;使高兴;消磨(时间等) | |
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26 procured | |
v.(努力)取得, (设法)获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 );拉皮条 | |
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27 remonstrated | |
v.抗议( remonstrate的过去式和过去分词 );告诫 | |
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28 awakening | |
n.觉醒,醒悟 adj.觉醒中的;唤醒的 | |
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29 cuffs | |
n.袖口( cuff的名词复数 )v.掌打,拳打( cuff的第三人称单数 ) | |
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30 hydraulic | |
adj.水力的;水压的,液压的;水力学的 | |
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31 fowls | |
鸟( fowl的名词复数 ); 禽肉; 既不是这; 非驴非马 | |
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32 opportunely | |
adv.恰好地,适时地 | |
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33 conjectures | |
推测,猜想( conjecture的名词复数 ) | |
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34 conveyance | |
n.(不动产等的)转让,让与;转让证书;传送;运送;表达;(正)运输工具 | |
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35 drawn | |
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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36 indited | |
v.写(文章,信等)创作,赋诗,创作( indite的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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37 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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38 deferred | |
adj.延期的,缓召的v.拖延,延缓,推迟( defer的过去式和过去分词 );服从某人的意愿,遵从 | |
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39 proceedings | |
n.进程,过程,议程;诉讼(程序);公报 | |
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40 spat | |
n.口角,掌击;v.发出呼噜呼噜声 | |
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41 landlady | |
n.女房东,女地主 | |
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42 casually | |
adv.漠不关心地,无动于衷地,不负责任地 | |
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43 perusing | |
v.读(某篇文字)( peruse的现在分词 );(尤指)细阅;审阅;匆匆读或心不在焉地浏览(某篇文字) | |
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44 sneer | |
v.轻蔑;嘲笑;n.嘲笑,讥讽的言语 | |
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45 majestic | |
adj.雄伟的,壮丽的,庄严的,威严的,崇高的 | |
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46 acting | |
n.演戏,行为,假装;adj.代理的,临时的,演出用的 | |
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47 hush | |
int.嘘,别出声;n.沉默,静寂;v.使安静 | |
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48 dread | |
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧 | |
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49 irritable | |
adj.急躁的;过敏的;易怒的 | |
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50 frightful | |
adj.可怕的;讨厌的 | |
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51 vehemence | |
n.热切;激烈;愤怒 | |
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52 vindictive | |
adj.有报仇心的,怀恨的,惩罚的 | |
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53 malice | |
n.恶意,怨恨,蓄意;[律]预谋 | |
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54 ratified | |
v.批准,签认(合约等)( ratify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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55 slippers | |
n. 拖鞋 | |
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56 abhorred | |
v.憎恶( abhor的过去式和过去分词 );(厌恶地)回避;拒绝;淘汰 | |
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57 stifled | |
(使)窒息, (使)窒闷( stifle的过去式和过去分词 ); 镇压,遏制; 堵 | |
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58 filth | |
n.肮脏,污物,污秽;淫猥 | |
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59 profusely | |
ad.abundantly | |
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60 scatters | |
v.(使)散开, (使)分散,驱散( scatter的第三人称单数 );撒 | |
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61 treacherous | |
adj.不可靠的,有暗藏的危险的;adj.背叛的,背信弃义的 | |
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62 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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63 detested | |
v.憎恶,嫌恶,痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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64 manifesto | |
n.宣言,声明 | |
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65 vehement | |
adj.感情强烈的;热烈的;(人)有强烈感情的 | |
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66 articulation | |
n.(清楚的)发音;清晰度,咬合 | |
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67 majestically | |
雄伟地; 庄重地; 威严地; 崇高地 | |
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68 impeachment | |
n.弹劾;控告;怀疑 | |
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69 imbued | |
v.使(某人/某事)充满或激起(感情等)( imbue的过去式和过去分词 );使充满;灌输;激发(强烈感情或品质等) | |
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70 dubiously | |
adv.可疑地,怀疑地 | |
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71 admiration | |
n.钦佩,赞美,羡慕 | |
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72 copious | |
adj.丰富的,大量的 | |
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73 abstruse | |
adj.深奥的,难解的 | |
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74 sage | |
n.圣人,哲人;adj.贤明的,明智的 | |
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75 encyclopaedia | |
n.百科全书 | |
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76 grandeur | |
n.伟大,崇高,宏伟,庄严,豪华 | |
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77 emboldened | |
v.鼓励,使有胆量( embolden的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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78 supremacy | |
n.至上;至高权力 | |
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79 animates | |
v.使有生气( animate的第三人称单数 );驱动;使栩栩如生地动作;赋予…以生命 | |
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80 portentously | |
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81 feigned | |
a.假装的,不真诚的 | |
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82 versed | |
adj. 精通,熟练 | |
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83 dire | |
adj.可怕的,悲惨的,阴惨的,极端的 | |
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84 conspiracy | |
n.阴谋,密谋,共谋 | |
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85 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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86 reptile | |
n.爬行动物;两栖动物 | |
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87 distinguished | |
adj.卓越的,杰出的,著名的 | |
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88 honourable | |
adj.可敬的;荣誉的,光荣的 | |
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89 exalted | |
adj.(地位等)高的,崇高的;尊贵的,高尚的 | |
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90 defender | |
n.保卫者,拥护者,辩护人 | |
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91 constituent | |
n.选民;成分,组分;adj.组成的,构成的 | |
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92 insinuates | |
n.暗示( insinuate的名词复数 );巧妙或迂回地潜入;(使)缓慢进入;慢慢伸入v.暗示( insinuate的第三人称单数 );巧妙或迂回地潜入;(使)缓慢进入;慢慢伸入 | |
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93 confidential | |
adj.秘(机)密的,表示信任的,担任机密工作的 | |
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94 subscribed | |
v.捐助( subscribe的过去式和过去分词 );签署,题词;订阅;同意 | |
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95 amiable | |
adj.和蔼可亲的,友善的,亲切的 | |
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96 touching | |
adj.动人的,使人感伤的 | |
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97 artifices | |
n.灵巧( artifice的名词复数 );诡计;巧妙办法;虚伪行为 | |
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98 goaded | |
v.刺激( goad的过去式和过去分词 );激励;(用尖棒)驱赶;驱使(或怂恿、刺激)某人 | |
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99 constables | |
n.警察( constable的名词复数 ) | |
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100 wince | |
n.畏缩,退避,(因痛苦,苦恼等)面部肌肉抽动;v.畏缩,退缩,退避 | |
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101 writhe | |
vt.挣扎,痛苦地扭曲;vi.扭曲,翻腾,受苦;n.翻腾,苦恼 | |
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102 quotation | |
n.引文,引语,语录;报价,牌价,行情 | |
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103 talismanic | |
adj.护身符的,避邪的 | |
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104 digestion | |
n.消化,吸收 | |
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105 virtue | |
n.德行,美德;贞操;优点;功效,效力 | |
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106 lieutenant | |
n.陆军中尉,海军上尉;代理官员,副职官员 | |
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107 bodyguard | |
n.护卫,保镖 | |
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108 moiety | |
n.一半;部分 | |
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109 dwelling | |
n.住宅,住所,寓所 | |
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110 porcupine | |
n.豪猪, 箭猪 | |
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111 peremptory | |
adj.紧急的,专横的,断然的 | |
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112 bespoke | |
adj.(产品)订做的;专做订货的v.预定( bespeak的过去式 );订(货);证明;预先请求 | |
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113 patriotic | |
adj.爱国的,有爱国心的 | |
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114 awakened | |
v.(使)醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 );(使)觉醒;弄醒;(使)意识到 | |
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115 haughtily | |
adv. 傲慢地, 高傲地 | |
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116 clenched | |
v.紧握,抓紧,咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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117 gratitude | |
adj.感激,感谢 | |
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118 elicits | |
引出,探出( elicit的第三人称单数 ) | |
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119 torpid | |
adj.麻痹的,麻木的,迟钝的 | |
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120 bosoms | |
胸部( bosom的名词复数 ); 胸怀; 女衣胸部(或胸襟); 和爱护自己的人在一起的情形 | |
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121 agitated | |
adj.被鼓动的,不安的 | |
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122 curdle | |
v.使凝结,变稠 | |
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123 gathering | |
n.集会,聚会,聚集 | |
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124 humble | |
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
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125 demon | |
n.魔鬼,恶魔 | |
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126 discord | |
n.不和,意见不合,争论,(音乐)不和谐 | |
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127 behold | |
v.看,注视,看到 | |
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128 malicious | |
adj.有恶意的,心怀恶意的 | |
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129 darting | |
v.投掷,投射( dart的现在分词 );向前冲,飞奔 | |
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130 uncommonly | |
adv. 稀罕(极,非常) | |
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131 assent | |
v.批准,认可;n.批准,认可 | |
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132 beetle | |
n.甲虫,近视眼的人 | |
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133 catching | |
adj.易传染的,有魅力的,迷人的,接住 | |
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134 sniffs | |
v.以鼻吸气,嗅,闻( sniff的第三人称单数 );抽鼻子(尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气);抱怨,不以为然地说 | |
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135 beheld | |
v.看,注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 );瞧;看呀;(叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现)哎哟 | |
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136 rivalry | |
n.竞争,竞赛,对抗 | |
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137 hatred | |
n.憎恶,憎恨,仇恨 | |
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138 relish | |
n.滋味,享受,爱好,调味品;vt.加调味料,享受,品味;vi.有滋味 | |
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139 bestowing | |
砖窑中砖堆上层已烧透的砖 | |
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140 audacity | |
n.大胆,卤莽,无礼 | |
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141 defiance | |
n.挑战,挑衅,蔑视,违抗 | |
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142 scowling | |
怒视,生气地皱眉( scowl的现在分词 ) | |
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143 heartily | |
adv.衷心地,诚恳地,十分,很 | |
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144 impudent | |
adj.鲁莽的,卑鄙的,厚颜无耻的 | |
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145 crimson | |
n./adj.深(绯)红色(的);vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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146 feigning | |
假装,伪装( feign的现在分词 ); 捏造(借口、理由等) | |
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147 wade | |
v.跋涉,涉水;n.跋涉 | |
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148 perjury | |
n.伪证;伪证罪 | |
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149 jocose | |
adj.开玩笑的,滑稽的 | |
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150 flattened | |
[医](水)平扁的,弄平的 | |
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151 viper | |
n.毒蛇;危险的人 | |
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152 reiterated | |
反复地说,重申( reiterate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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153 darted | |
v.投掷,投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 );向前冲,飞奔 | |
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154 sarcasm | |
n.讥讽,讽刺,嘲弄,反话 (adj.sarcastic) | |
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155 abominable | |
adj.可厌的,令人憎恶的 | |
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156 exclamations | |
n.呼喊( exclamation的名词复数 );感叹;感叹语;感叹词 | |
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157 mighty | |
adj.强有力的;巨大的 | |
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158 dodge | |
v.闪开,躲开,避开;n.妙计,诡计 | |
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159 disarmed | |
v.裁军( disarm的过去式和过去分词 );使息怒 | |
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160 inspection | |
n.检查,审查,检阅 | |
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161 hostilities | |
n.战争;敌意(hostility的复数);敌对状态;战事 | |
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