When I had finished, he said, turning over the papers he was sorting, “I remember another of his lectures in which he warned us against a licentious4 and effeminate life. Here it is, and these are his exact words: ‘Do not, in the name of the Gods, do not you, young man, fall back again! Nay5, rather go back to your home and say, now that you have once heard this warning, It is not Epictetus that has said this. How should he? It is some God wishing well to me and speaking through him. It would never have come into the mind of Epictetus to[92] say this, for it is never his custom to make personal appeals. Come, then; let us obey the voice of God, lest we fall under God’s wrath6.’ I have never forgotten these words, and I trust I never shall. I think a God speaks through Epictetus. Do you not agree with me?”
“I do indeed,” said I, “but I am not convinced that God speaks all that Epictetus says, and that there is not more to be spoken. For example, he says, ‘You have but to will and it is done.’ Is that a common experience? Is it yours? He says, ‘Take from yourself the help you need.’ Do you find in yourself all the help you need? When you fall, he says, ‘Get up,’ as though we were boys in the wrestling-ring. But what if we have been stunned7? What if one’s ankle is sprained8 or a leg broken? Do you remember what you said to me at the end of my first lecture, ‘Will it last?’ You also said that Epictetus could make us feel just what he wished us to feel—as long as he was speaking. Well, while I was sitting on the bench in the lecture-room, I felt that getting up from vice9 was as easy as sitting on that bench. When I walked out, it began to seem less easy. Now that I am quite away from the enchanter, talking the matter quietly over with you, the feeling has almost vanished; and I am obliged to repeat your question about this, and about much more of our Master’s doctrine10, ‘Will it last?’”
“Some of it will last,” said Arrian, “We must not expect impossibilities. I have heard him admit that it is impossible to be sinless already, but he bade us remember that it is possible to be always intent on not sinning.” “Did he mean,” asked I, “by ‘already,’ that we could not be sinless in this life, but that we might be sinless at what he calls the feast of the Gods, after death?” Arrian did not at once reply. Presently he said, “I do not think so. I believe he meant that we must not expect to be sinless as soon as we have reached the intermediate stage of what he calls ‘the half-educated man.’ We must wait till we have reached the further stage, that of complete education, where, as you said just now, a man never blames himself, because he does not find in himself any fault that he could blame.”
[93]
Here Arrian made a still longer pause. Then he continued, in his usual slow, deliberate way, but with a touch of hesitation11 that was not usual with him, “I have here a few duplicates of my notes. Among them are some on the subject on which your remarks bear, and about which (I gather) you would like to question me—the immortality12 of the soul. In my hearing, he has seldom used that precise phrase. And, when he has used the epithet14 ‘immortal13,’ it has generally applied15 to life like that of Tithonus—I mean, a deathless life in this present world. To desire such a life, deathless and free from disease, he thinks unreasonable16. But I remember his saying once, that he was prepared for death, ‘whether it were the death of the whole or of a certain part’—that was his expression. And I think he may possibly believe that the Logos within us is reabsorbed, after death, into some kind of quintessential or divine fire from which it sprang. But I cannot say that this satisfies me.”
Neither did it satisfy me. But I said nothing. Arrian, too, was silent, turning over some of his papers and marking passages for my perusal17. But presently, rousing himself, “Did you agree with me,” he said, “about the passage you transcribed18, when we last met, concerning that sect19 of the Jews which he called the Galil?ans?” I could see that Arrian wished to divert the conversation to “the Galil?ans,” as being a subject of a less serious character than the doctrine of the immortality of the soul. But the subject of the Galil?ans or Jews had become much more serious for me now than it had been when we last conversed20 together. How much more, I shrank from telling him, in the few minutes at our disposal. He was good, just, a truthful21 scholar, a gentleman, and a kind friend. Given a few days more—even a few hours—in one another’s company, and I should not have kept my secret from him. But how could I hope, in so brief an interval22, and amid so many preoccupations, to make him understand what a vast continent of new history, religion, literature—and, above all, “feeling” as opposed to “logic”—had emerged before my mind’s eye, during my recent voyages of exploration in the scriptures23 and in Paul’s epistles? So I replied briefly24 that I agreed with his view.[94] Epictetus, I said, seemed to me to be speaking, not of the Galil?an “custom,” but of their “feeling,” as also in the case of the Jews. “And indeed,” I added, “the force of this ‘feeling’ in producing courage appears to me most remarkable25.” With these words I rose to go.
“Well,” said he, “I fear we shall hardly meet again in Nicopolis. But I shall always cherish the recollection of the hours we have spent together here, and of our common respect for our common Master, whom you already love, and whom, if you come to know him as I do—in his home, and in his kindness to those who need kindness—you will (I trust) love still more.” “I do love him,” said I. “But tell me, do you love all his teaching about indifference26 to what is happening? You know how our Master scoffs27 at the agony of Priam looking on the ruin of Troy. Well, suppose you were a Roman citizen, as I am sure you will be before long. Or, rather, suppose you were our new Emperor Hadrian, and saw the northern barbarians28 not only at our gates but inside our walls, and the City in flames, and the Dacians doing in Rome what the Greeks did in Troy to the Trojan men and women, would you, our Emperor Hadrian, feel it right to say, ‘All this is nothing to me’?” “By the immortal Gods,” exclaimed Arrian, “I should not.” “And if Epictetus were in Hadrian’s place, or Priam’s place, do you think he could say it?”
I had to wait for an answer. “What I am going to say,” he replied at last, “may seem to you monstrous29. But I really cannot reply No. I cannot tell what he would say. I am not able to judge him as I should judge others.” Then he proceeded, with an animation30 quite unusual in him, “Of any other Hadrian or Priam I should say that such an utterance31 stamped him as either liar32, or beast, or stone. But Epictetus—absorbed in Zeus, devoted33 to His will, resolved to believe that His will is good, and seeing no way out of the belief that all things happen in accordance with His will—might not Epictetus conceivably feel, in moments of ecstasy34, that all these fires and furies, massacres35 and outrages36, cannot prevent him from believing in Zeus and being one with Zeus, so that he himself, Epictetus, might be, nay, must be, in the bosom37 of Zeus (so to speak) at[95] the very moment when not only Rome, but all the cities, villages, and hamlets of the world—nay, when the universe itself was being cast into destruction? Well, I am out of my depth. I confess it. But will you not agree with me thus far, that if Epictetus said that he felt thus, he would really feel thus?”
“Yes,” replied I, “I am sure that he would not say it unless he felt it. But I am not sure that he might not feel it merely because he had forced himself to feel it. However, let us say no more now on such subtle matters. It is no small help to have been lifted up by such a teacher above the mere38 life of the flesh. We part, do we not, in full agreement that Epictetus has been, for both of us, a guide to that which is good?” And thus we did part. I accompanied him to the quay39. “May we meet again,” were my last words. “May it be soon,” were his.
But we never met. The death of his father plunged40 him almost immediately into domestic cares and matters of business. When the pressure of private affairs relaxed, it was soon followed by affairs of state. This was due in part perhaps to his having been a pupil of Epictetus. The new emperor, long before he became emperor, had always admired our Master; whose recommendation (I am inclined to think) had something to do with Arrian’s subsequent promotions41. At all events, when I was on service in the north, I heard without any surprise, and with a great deal of pleasure, that my former fellow-student—known now to literary circles as Flavianus, a Roman citizen, and author of the Memoirs42 of Epictetus—had been appointed governor of Cappadocia.
From time to time we corresponded. But it was not upon the topics that used to engross43 us in old days. He took a great interest in geography. Military service, at one time in the north and then in the east, gave me some knowledge of this subject, which I was glad to place at his disposal. He also studied military affairs with a view to writing on Alexander. Here again I was of use to him. But we never resumed in our letters that subject about which he had once said to me, “More of this to-morrow.” Our paths had branched off, leading us far away from each other in everything except mutual44 good will[96] and respect. He had become a Roman magistrate45. Subsequently he was a priest of Demeter. I had become a Roman soldier, but—a Christian46. Many of my friends knew this and I have little doubt that Arrian guessed it. Privately47 I feel sure he always loved me. Officially he must have been forced to disapprove48. Hadrian, it is true, discouraged informations against the Christians49, and I had been hitherto connived50 at: but could I condemn51 my old friend if he shrank from opening up old speculations52 that might lead him into unofficial, suspected, and dangerous results? Much more might I myself rather feel condemned53 for keeping silence. Sometimes I have felt thus. But not often. More often I feel that it was better for him not to know what I know, than to know it, in a sense, and to reject it. Presented in mere writing, I felt sure that it would have been rejected. Writings and books brought me on the way to Christ, but something more was needed to make me receive Christ.
Arrian, I think, avoided such opportunities as presented themselves for meeting. I am sure I did. If we had met, surely I should have been constrained54 to open my mind to him. Once, at least, I touched (in a letter) on our old conversation about “logos” and “pathos.” He replied that, in his new career, both “logos” and “pathos” had to give place to pragmata, “business,” which, he thought, was likely to take up all his energies during the rest of his life.
Even if I had opened my mind, I cannot help thinking that his would have remained unchanged. One thing, however, I do not think about, but know—namely, that, if we had met, Arrian and I would still have had common ground, as of old, in our love of truth and justice, and that we should still have esteemed55, respected, and loved each other. For myself, love him I always shall, not for his own sake alone, but also because he helped me directly and immediately to understand Epictetus, and indirectly56 and ultimately to perceive the existence of something beyond any truth that Epictetus could teach.
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1
lodging
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| n.寄宿，住所；(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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belongings
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| n.私人物品，私人财物 | |
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vessel
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| n.船舶；容器，器皿；管，导管，血管 | |
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licentious
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| adj.放纵的，淫乱的 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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stunned
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| adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
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sprained
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| v.&n. 扭伤 | |
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vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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doctrine
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| n.教义；主义；学说 | |
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hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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immortality
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| n.不死，不朽 | |
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immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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epithet
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| n.（用于褒贬人物等的）表述形容词，修饰语 | |
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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perusal
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| n.细读，熟读；目测 | |
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transcribed
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| （用不同的录音手段）转录( transcribe的过去式和过去分词 )； 改编（乐曲）（以适应他种乐器或声部）； 抄写； 用音标标出（声音） | |
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sect
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| n.派别，宗教，学派，派系 | |
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conversed
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| v.交谈，谈话( converse的过去式 ) | |
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truthful
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| adj.真实的，说实话的，诚实的 | |
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interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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scriptures
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| 经文，圣典( scripture的名词复数 )； 经典 | |
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briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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scoffs
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| 嘲笑，嘲弄( scoff的第三人称单数 ) | |
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barbarians
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| n.野蛮人( barbarian的名词复数 )；外国人；粗野的人；无教养的人 | |
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monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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animation
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| n.活泼，兴奋，卡通片／动画片的制作 | |
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utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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liar
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| n.说谎的人 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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massacres
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| 大屠杀( massacre的名词复数 )； 惨败 | |
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outrages
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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quay
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| n.码头，靠岸处 | |
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plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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promotions
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| 促进( promotion的名词复数 )； 提升； 推广； 宣传 | |
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memoirs
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| n.回忆录；回忆录传( mem,自oir的名词复数) | |
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engross
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| v.使全神贯注 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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magistrate
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| n.地方行政官，地方法官，治安官 | |
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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disapprove
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| v.不赞成，不同意，不批准 | |
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Christians
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| n.基督教徒( Christian的名词复数 ) | |
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connived
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| v.密谋 ( connive的过去式和过去分词 )；搞阴谋；默许；纵容 | |
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51
condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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speculations
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| n.投机买卖( speculation的名词复数 )；思考；投机活动；推断 | |
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53
condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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54
constrained
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| adj.束缚的,节制的 | |
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55
esteemed
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| adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 )；敬重；认为；以为 | |
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56
indirectly
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| adv.间接地，不直接了当地 | |
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