“That little place where you were sewing, out there in the woods, will be a very good spot in which to play it,” said I suggestively.
“Oh, I kin1 play it anywheys,” said she with a kindling2 glance, that bespoke3 the artist of temperament4, absolute master of his instrument. So Paderewski might speak of his ability to play a piano in a drawing-room car.
That morning I had a notion to go fishing, and I asked Ethel to join me, but she said she was tired, and laughed as she said it. Of course Minerva was the real reason.
“I wish that houses were automatic,” said I, “so that they could run themselves. Just think how nice it would be to have a house fitted to run by steam all day long, by simply dropping a five dollar gold piece in the slot in the morning.”
“How expensive,” said the economical Ethel.
“I don’t think so,” said I, “there’s many a housekeeper5 who would be willing to give up many things if five dollars a day would bring relief from household sorrows. ‘No servants needed. A child can run it. Can be fitted to any house. Gas or electric or steam motive6 power. Not half the danger from explosions that went with the old system when servants were liable to go off at any moment. Come to our warerooms and see a large house running by itself.’ There’s a fortune in the idea.”
“Well, you have the idea,” said Ethel. “Go sell it.”
“No, I’m going fishing.”
The great advantage that fishing has over some sports is that one does not need ability or paraphernalia7 of any sort beyond those of the most primitive8 type. Your hammer-thrower needs brawn9, your chess player brains, your golf player a caddy—and a vocabulary, but anyone can go fishing. Of course there is a great difference between going fishing and catching10 fish, and I am one of that large army that goes fishing and returns from fishing as innocent of fish as at the moment of departure.
But to the man with eyes, there are many things besides fish that he can catch, and, although no hint of a nibble11 came to my patient fingers, I reveled in the day and would have stayed longer if I had not felt anxious about Ethel and Minerva. What could they do to amuse each other, with me away?
I made my pleasant way back up the hills, so reminiscent of Scotch12 scenery, and knew very well the sarcasms13 that would greet me when I acknowledged that I had possessed14 no magnetism15 over the fish. Ethel always has a store of amiable16 causticisms for me when I come back from a fishless expedition.
When I returned I found the house empty and the gluey Miss Pussy17 shut up and miaowing in the kitchen. I was startled at first. I had come up by way of the pine grove18, and there was no one there. I called my loudest and no one answered. Had Minerva obliged Ethel to get a horse and wagon19 and take her to the station in my absence? It looked like it. The fire was nearly out, the dishes all washed, the floor freshly mopped. That was it. Minerva had swept and garnished20 the house and had then left it, and in a short time Ethel would come back disconsolate21, and then—why, then we would pack up and go back ourselves.
The only thing that did not fit in with my conjecture22 was the presence of Miss Pussy. It did not seem as if Minerva would go away and leave her precious cat.
I heard a rattle23 of wheels. Bert Dalton was going to the village. I would go down with him and ride back with Ethel. She had probably hired the Stevens’ horse. I hurried out and hailed Bert, and he stopped.
“Going to the village?”
“Yes, sir, want anything got?”
I explained the situation, and joined him, and we were soon out of sight of the house. I looked at my watch. If we hurried I could yet get to the station before the train for New York came in. I told Bert so, and he quickened the horse’s pace.
About half a mile on our way I heard some one calling for help. Bert heard the call, too, and just as I was going to say “stop,” he stopped of his own accord. We both jumped out. The noise came from a field on our right, mostly given over to blueberry bushes, but with a little timber on its farther edge.
“Help! Murder!” It was a high-keyed woman’s voice.
“Tramps,” said Bert, as we hurried on.
“Hysterics,” said I, for I was sure I heard laughter alternating with the screams. And the laughter had a strangely familiar sound.
On we ran, the screams continuing, and at last the sounds were located, that is, the screams were. They came from a low growing chestnut24. Perched in its branches sat Minerva, her face the image of horror, and below on a fallen trunk sat Ethel, laughing, with the tears rolling down her cheeks. By her side were two tin pails, nearly full of blueberries.
“Minerva, stop that screaming. I tell you she won’t hurt you,” said Ethel, and then went off into another fit of laughter, and Minerva yelled blue murder again.
Neither had seen us.
“Come up here, Mis. Vernon. He’ll kill you, shu’s you’ bawn.”
“She’s gone away. You’ve frightened her. Come down.”
“Oh, Lawdy! Lawdy! Lawdy! Why’d I come? He’ll shu’ly kill us.”
When we saw that the danger was imaginary, I signalled to Bert, and we both stepped out of sight of Minerva and Mrs. Vernon, in order to see the comedy. Ethel’s perfect calmness and her amusement, but slightly tinged25 with sympathy, formed such a striking contrast to Minerva’s abject26 fear. Who was this he-she that was threatening Minerva’s existence?
There was a rustling27 in the bushes, Minerva’s screams redoubled, and in spite of her 180 pounds she climbed still higher into the tree.
And then the cause of all the commotion28 showed “himself.” A mild-looking Jersey29 cow, all unconscious of the agony she was causing, came into view and advanced toward Ethel, sniffing30.
“Don’t you overturn our berries,” said my wife, walking toward the creature. The cow was evidently a pet, for as Ethel put out her hand to shoo her away she sniffed31 expectantly and put out her tongue in hope of receiving some little delicacy32.
This so terrified Minerva that she took another step upward, put her faith in a recreant33 limb, and, just as Bert and I discovered ourselves to Ethel, our “cook lady” fell out of the tree and landed smack34 on the cow, who kindly35 broke her fall and then broke into a run, kicking her heels and waving her tail, after the manner of her species.
Minerva was not hurt, thanks to the cow, but she was much agitated36, and it was some time before we could make her listen to the words of wisdom that all three poured forth37 with generous ease.
“It was such a lovely day, we thought we’d go berrying,” said Ethel. “You got my note, I suppose.”
“No, I did not. I made up my mind that you were taking Minerva to the train, and as Bert passed by just then, I came down with him in order to go back with you.”
“Then how came you here?” asked Ethel.
“How came we here? How came we here? Why those screams went beyond Mount Nebo. You’ll see people pouring over the edge of it in a few minutes. Such shrieks38 I never heard outside of a mad house. I thought it was Indians.”
Minerva’s agitation39 had now taken the form of sobbing40, and as she mopped her face with her apron41 it began to dawn upon her that she had not been in danger until she took to the tree. She helped herself to a handful of berries, and they seemed to do her good, for she listened to Ethel’s account of what had happened and punctuated42 it with what at first were chuckles43, and when the humour of the thing had soaked in far enough were her irresistible44 guffaws45, so provocative46 of laughter in others.
“We were picking berries and enjoying ourselves very much when I heard a rustling and looked up, and there was a cow. I said rather hastily, ‘Oh, look,’ and Minerva looked and screamed out, ‘It’s a bear,’ and before I could tell her what it was she had gone up that tree as if she had lived in the country all her life. She begged of me to come up with her, but I got over my fear of cows some time ago.” This with a conscious blush, for Ethel knew that in times past she, too, had fled from a cow.
I turned to Minerva. “Do you mean to tell me that you never saw a cow before? There are cows in the city.”
“I never saw one.”
“Haven’t you seen pictures of them on groceries?”
“I spec I have, but comin’ thataway at me it looked like a bear.”
“Very like a bear,” said I. “Well, it’s lucky you weren’t hurt. You can thank the cow that you didn’t break your back. I hope you didn’t break hers.”
She went off into yells of laughter at this mild bit of humour, and cheerfulness now being restored, I thanked Bert for giving me a lift and told him I didn’t care to go any farther.
He left us and we went on picking berries, and before the pail was full Minerva had a chance to pat the fearsome beast that had so nearly frightened her to death. Now that she knew it was merely a cow, the source of the milk and cream of which she was so fond, she had no fear at all, being in that respect different from Ethel, who in the beginning had feared cows because they were cows, just as certain other women fear mice because they are mice, and as Lord Roberts fears a cat because it is a cat and not “the enemy.”
The whistle at the Wharton Paper Mill told us it was twelve o’clock, and like hungry mill hands we started for home. Minerva walked ahead with both pails, and Ethel and I followed.
Half way up Minerva burst into song.
“How volatile47!” said I.
“The worst is over. We’ll have no more trouble with her,” said Ethel.
So lightly do we attempt to read the future.
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1
kin
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| n.家族，亲属，血缘关系；adj.亲属关系的，同类的 | |
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kindling
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| n. 点火, 可燃物 动词kindle的现在分词形式 | |
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3
bespoke
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| adj.（产品）订做的；专做订货的v.预定( bespeak的过去式 )；订（货）；证明；预先请求 | |
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4
temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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5
housekeeper
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| n.管理家务的主妇，女管家 | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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7
paraphernalia
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| n.装备；随身用品 | |
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8
primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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brawn
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| n.体力 | |
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10
catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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nibble
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| n.轻咬，啃；v.一点点地咬，慢慢啃，吹毛求疵 | |
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12
scotch
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| n.伤口，刻痕；苏格兰威士忌酒；v.粉碎，消灭，阻止；adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
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13
sarcasms
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| n.讥讽，讽刺，挖苦( sarcasm的名词复数 ) | |
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14
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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15
magnetism
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| n.磁性，吸引力，磁学 | |
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16
amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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pussy
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| n.(儿语)小猫，猫咪 | |
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18
grove
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| n.林子，小树林，园林 | |
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19
wagon
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| n.四轮马车，手推车，面包车；无盖运货列车 | |
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20
garnished
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| v.给（上餐桌的食物）加装饰( garnish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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21
disconsolate
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| adj.忧郁的，不快的 | |
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22
conjecture
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| n./v.推测，猜测 | |
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23
rattle
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| v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓 | |
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24
chestnut
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| n.栗树，栗子 | |
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25
tinged
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| v.（使）发丁丁声( ting的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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abject
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| adj.极可怜的，卑屈的 | |
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rustling
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| n. 瑟瑟声，沙沙声 adj. 发沙沙声的 | |
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28
commotion
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| n.骚动，动乱 | |
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29
jersey
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| n.运动衫 | |
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30
sniffing
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| n.探查法v.以鼻吸气，嗅，闻( sniff的现在分词 )；抽鼻子（尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气）；抱怨，不以为然地说 | |
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31
sniffed
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| v.以鼻吸气，嗅，闻( sniff的过去式和过去分词 )；抽鼻子（尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气）；抱怨，不以为然地说 | |
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32
delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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recreant
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| n.懦夫；adj.胆怯的 | |
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34
smack
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| vt.拍，打，掴；咂嘴；vi.含有…意味；n.拍 | |
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35
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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38
shrieks
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| n.尖叫声( shriek的名词复数 )v.尖叫( shriek的第三人称单数 ) | |
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39
agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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40
sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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41
apron
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| n.围裙；工作裙 | |
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42
punctuated
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| v.（在文字中）加标点符号，加标点( punctuate的过去式和过去分词 )；不时打断某事物 | |
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43
chuckles
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| 轻声地笑( chuckle的名词复数 ) | |
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44
irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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45
guffaws
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| n.大笑，狂笑( guffaw的名词复数 )v.大笑，狂笑( guffaw的第三人称单数 ) | |
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46
provocative
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| adj.挑衅的，煽动的，刺激的，挑逗的 | |
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47
volatile
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| adj.反复无常的，挥发性的，稍纵即逝的，脾气火爆的；n.挥发性物质 | |
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