His impetuous desire to get away from Hamingburgh was blind obedience1 to an instinct of his youth to have done with things finished. He was most incredibly young. His late agony for Miranda left him only the more sensitive to small things that tended to be more freshly written upon his mind. It might crudely be said that his first impulse was to forget Miranda. He had in a few hours burnt out the passion of several years; and he already was seeking unawares fresh fuel to light again his fire upon a hearth3 which suddenly was cold.
The intensity4 of his need to feel again the blow which his checked aspiration5 towards Miranda had so suddenly kindled6 was leading him blindly out and away from her. Paradoxically he was starting away from Miranda upon a pilgrimage to find her—a pilgrimage which could only come full circle when again the passion she had raised could be felt and recognised. The penalty of his early visitation by the Promethean spark was about to be exacted. Henceforth life must be a restless and a perpetual adventure. London now was his immediate7 quest, a quest which seemingly had[Pg 79] nothing now to do with Miranda, though ultimately it confessed her.
A mild excitement struggled into his mind as the train plunged8 him deeper and deeper into the city. London, the centre of the world, was spread before him.
He took rooms in Cursitor Street at the top of a tall building. His sitting-room9 opened upon Chancery Lane. There was a sober gateway10 into a quadrangle which suggested Oxford11.
That evening Peter, muffled12 in a heavy coat, rode for hours upon the omnibuses. His first excursion, in the early evening, presented the workers of London pouring home. The perpetual roar and motion of this multitude soothed13 Peter, and gradually crushed in him all sense of personal loss. He began to feel how small was his drop of sorrow. At a crossing of many streets he saw a man knocked down by a horse. The hum and drift of London hardly paused. The man was quickly lifted into a cab and hurried away. Many passengers in the waiting omnibuses on the pavement were unaware2 that anything had happened. The incident profoundly affected14 Peter. In this great torrent15 of lives it seemed that the mischance of one was of no importance.
Late at night he stood in the bitter cold outside one of the theatres. The doors were suddenly flung open, and the street was broken up with jostling cabs and a babel of shouting and whistling. Delicately dressed women waited on the pavement[Pg 80] or were whirled away in magnificent, shining cars. Peter caught some of their conversation: fragments of new plans for meeting, small anxieties as to whether some trivial pleasure would be quite perfect, comments on the play they had seen—wisps of talk reflecting beautiful, proud lives.
In a few moments the street was silent again. The wretched loafers who had swarmed16 about the doors, thrusting forward their services, vanished as swiftly as they had appeared.
For the next few days Peter tramped London from end to end. He realised its bitter contrasts and brutal17 energy. He lived only with his Oxford books and with this growing vision of modern life superficially inspected. He began to think. He did not look for any of the men he knew, but brooded and watched alone.
From his window in the morning he saw the workers pass—girl-clerks and respectable young men, afterwards the solicitors18; and, passing through the gates in front of him, men with shining hats, keen-faced and seeming full of prosperous respectability. A man with one arm sold papers from a stand at the corner. Several times, as the day passed, a pale and urgent youth would fly down the street on a bicycle, dropping a parcel of papers beside the man with one arm. Peter traced these bicycles one day to a giant building where the papers were printed.
Peter read in the middle part of the morning. For lunch he went East into the City or West into[Pg 81] the Strand19. In the East he lunched beside men of commerce—men who ate squarely and comfortably from the joint20 or grill21. West he lunched with clerks and people from the shops, with actors and journalists, publishers and secretaries.
In the afternoon Peter sometimes walked into the region of parks and great houses. He saw the shops and the women. Bond Street particularly fascinated him. Somehow it seemed just the right place for the insolent22 and idle people who at night flashed beside him in silk and fur. One afternoon he went at random23 from far West to far East, touching24 extremes, and once he went by boat to Greenwich, curiously25 passing the busy and wonderful docks. He knew also the limitless drab regions to the north and west—cracks between London and the better suburbs.
Gradually the monster took outline and lived in his brain. He watched the lesser26 people passing from their work and followed them to villas27 in Hammersmith or Streatham. The shiny hats be tracked to Kensington; the furred women in Bond Street to some near terrace or square.
All that Peter saw, or filled in for himself, though it took shape in his mind, did not yet drive him into an attitude. He was interested. The sleeping wretches28 on the Embankment; men who stopped him for pence, women who stole about the streets by night, were all part of this vivid and varied29 life he was learning to know. It was not yet called to account. It was just observed.
[Pg 82]
But the train was laid for an intellectual explosion. London waited to be branded as a city of slaves, with beggary in the streets and surfeit30 in men's houses.
He went one evening to a theatre. A popular musical comedy was running into a second edition. Peter had never before visited a theatre since as a boy he had seen the plays of Shakespeare presented by a travelling company at home.
He watched the people from an upper part of the house. The women attracted him most. They were more easily placed than the men. He could better imagine their lives. Their faces and clothes and manners were more eloquent31 of position and character. Peter was amazed at the diversity of the stalls—substantial dames32, platitudes33 in flesh and blood, whom he instinctively34 matched with the men who lunched solidly to the east of Fleet Street; women, beside them, who breathed ineffable35 distinction; vivacious36 young girls bright with pleasure and health; women, beside them, boldly putting a final touch to an elaborate complexion37. Other parts of the house were more of a kind. The balcony beneath him presented a solid front of formal linen38 and dresses in the mean of fashion. Topping all, in the gallery, was a dark array of people, notably39 drab in the electric blaze.
Except from the conversation of his Oxford friends Peter was quite unprepared for the entertainment that followed. At first it merely [Pg 83]bewildered him. The perfunctory sex pantomime between the principal players; recurring40 afflictions of the chorus into curious movements; the mechanical embracing and caressing41; the perpetual erotic innuendo—this was all so unintelligible42 and strange, so entirely44 outside all that Peter felt and knew about life, that his imagination hesitated to receive it. Gradually, however, there stole into his brain a mild disgust.
Finally there was a ballet. Its principal feature was a stocking dance. Eight young women appeared in underclothing, and eight of their total sixteen legs were clad in eight black stockings—the odd stockings being evenly divided. The first part of the ballet consisted in eight black stockings being drawn45 upon the eight legs which were bare. The second part of the ballet consisted in removing eight original black stockings from the legs adjacent. The ballet was performed to music intended to seduct, and the girls crooned an obligato to the words, "Wouldn't you like to assist us?"
Peter flushed into astonishment46 and anger. He felt as if a strange hand had suddenly drawn the curtain from the most secret corner of his being. He felt as though he had been publicly stripped. He drew himself tightly back into his seat.
The curtain dropped, and the lights went up for an interval47. People in the stalls talked and smiled. No flutter of misgiving48 troubled the marble breasts of the great ladies. Men looked[Pg 84] as before into the eyes of their women. Nothing, it seemed, had happened.
Peter was amazed—his brain on fire with vague phrases of contempt. His fingers shook in a passion of wrath49 as he gathered up his hat and coat.
Missing his way, he went into the bar. It was crowded with white-fronted men, their hats set rakishly back, discussing with freedom and energy the quality of the entertainment. Nothing of what Peter had seen or felt seemed to have touched them. Suddenly Peter was greeted:
"Hullo, Paragon50!"
The Hon. Freddie Dundoon was a Gamaliel man—one for whom Peter and the college generally had much contempt, an amiable51 fool, of good blood, but, as sometimes happens, of no manners or intelligence.
Peter muttered a greeting and passed on. But he was not so easily to get away. Dundoon caught him by the arm.
"You're not going?" he protested.
"Yes, I am," said Peter, turning away his head. He did not like people who breathed into his face.
"Stuff. Come and have a brandy and soda52."
"No, thanks."
"What's the hurry?"
Peter stood in bitter patience, too exasperated53 to speak.
"Won't you really have a drink?" Dundoon persisted.
[Pg 85]
"No, thanks," Peter wearily repeated.
"Come home and see the mater. She's your sort. Books and all that."
"Many thanks," said Peter more politely. "I'm afraid I can't."
"Sorry you won't stop. I'd take you to Miss Beryl. Third stocking from the right."
"Curse you. Let me get out of this."
Peter wrenched54 his arm rudely away. He blundered into a pendulous55 fat man in the door, and turned to apologise. Dundoon was still looking after him, his jaw56 fallen in a vacant surprise.
Peter thankfully breathed the cold pure air of the street. He walked at random. He tried to collect himself, to discover why he had felt so bitterly ashamed, so furiously angry. His young flesh was in arms. He had seen a travesty57 of something he felt was, in its reality, great and clean. His senses rebelled against the mockery to which they had been invited. Sex was coming to the full in Peter. It waited in his blood and brain. He was conscious in himself of a sleeping power, and conscious that evening of an attempt to degrade it. He shrank instinctively.
Men at Gamaliel had called him a Puritan. He chafed58 at the term, feeling in himself no hostility59 or distrust of life. It was the sly, mechanical travesty of these things, peeping out of their talk, which offended him. To-night he had seen this travesty offered to a great audience of men and women. Brooding on a secret which had painted[Pg 86] the butterfly and tuned60 the note of an English bird, he had seen it to-night, for the first time, as a punctual gluttony. Impatiently he probed into the roots of his anger. It was not sex which thus had frightened him, but its prostitution in the retinue61 of formal silliness.
The audience he found incredible. Either the entertainment meant nothing at all or it was hideously62 profane63. But the witnesses, whose diversity of class, sex, age, and habit he had so enviously64 noted65 before the curtain rose, seemed to see nothing at all. Mentally he made an exception of the man from Gamaliel. He at any rate seemed to have a scale of intelligible43 values—a scale whereby the third stocking from the right could be accurately66 placed.
Peter had walked for about an hour. He had wandered in a circle and found himself again outside the theatre he had left. The people were streaming on to the pavement, unaffectedly happy after an evening of formal fun—men and women who had been held in the grip of life, or who stood, as Peter stood, upon the threshold, yet who apparently67 did not object to witness a parody68 of their great adventure in a ballet of black stockings. He watched the street noisily emptying as the audience scattered69. Soon he stood lonely and still, tired of the puzzle, his anger exhausted70.
A hand was slipped gently under his arm. He looked into a pretty childish face, and realised that the woman was addressing him.
[Pg 87]
"You are waiting?" she suggested.
Peter stared at her for a moment—not realising. She met him with a professional smile, her eyes filmy with a challenge, demurely71 evading72 him. He understood, and shrank rudely away from her, with a quick return of his anger. He saw in her face an effort to steel herself against his impulsive73 recoil74. He felt the repercussion75 of her shame.
But it passed. Her mouth hardened. She took her hand from his arm, and mocking him with a light apology, slipped quietly away.
Peter moved impetuously forward. He felt a warm friendliness76 for the woman in whom he had read a secret agony. For the first time that evening he had come into touch with a fellow. She, too, felt something of what was troubling him. His gesture of sympathy was not perceived. He watched her dwindling77 down the street, and started to follow her. She was allied78 with him against a world which had conspired79 to degrade them.
Then he saw she was no longer alone. She stood talking with a man upon the pavement. Her companion hailed a cab, and they drove away together, passing Peter where he had paused, transfixed with a pain at his heart.
Was it jealousy80? Peter flung out his hands at the stars; tears of impotent rage came into his eyes. The pain he endured was impersonal81 jealousy for a creature desecrated82. He was jealous not for the woman whose soul for a moment he had touched, but for life itself profaned83.
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收听单词发音
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1
obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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unaware
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| a.不知道的，未意识到的 | |
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3
hearth
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| n.壁炉炉床，壁炉地面 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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aspiration
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| n.志向，志趣抱负；渴望；(语)送气音；吸出 | |
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kindled
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| （使某物）燃烧，着火( kindle的过去式和过去分词 )； 激起（感情等）； 发亮，放光 | |
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7
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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8
plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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sitting-room
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| n.（BrE）客厅，起居室 | |
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gateway
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| n.大门口，出入口，途径，方法 | |
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Oxford
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| n.牛津（英国城市） | |
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12
muffled
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| adj.（声音）被隔的；听不太清的；（衣服）裹严的；蒙住的v.压抑，捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己） | |
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13
soothed
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| v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 )；抚慰；使舒服；减轻痛苦 | |
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14
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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torrent
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| n.激流，洪流；爆发，(话语等的)连发 | |
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16
swarmed
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| 密集( swarm的过去式和过去分词 )； 云集； 成群地移动； 蜜蜂或其他飞行昆虫成群地飞来飞去 | |
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17
brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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solicitors
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| 初级律师( solicitor的名词复数 ) | |
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19
strand
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| vt.使（船）搁浅，使（某人）困于（某地） | |
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joint
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| adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合 | |
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grill
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| n.烤架，铁格子，烤肉；v.烧，烤，严加盘问 | |
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22
insolent
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| adj.傲慢的，无理的 | |
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23
random
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| adj.随机的；任意的；n.偶然的(或随便的)行动 | |
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24
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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25
curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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26
lesser
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| adj.次要的，较小的；adv.较小地，较少地 | |
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27
villas
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| 别墅，公馆( villa的名词复数 )； （城郊）住宅 | |
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28
wretches
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| n.不幸的人( wretch的名词复数 )；可怜的人；恶棍；坏蛋 | |
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29
varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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surfeit
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| v.使饮食过度；n.(食物)过量，过度 | |
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31
eloquent
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| adj.雄辩的，口才流利的；明白显示出的 | |
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32
dames
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| n.（在英国）夫人（一种封号），夫人（爵士妻子的称号）( dame的名词复数 )；女人 | |
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33
platitudes
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| n.平常的话，老生常谈，陈词滥调( platitude的名词复数 )；滥套子 | |
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34
instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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35
ineffable
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| adj.无法表达的，不可言喻的 | |
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36
vivacious
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| adj.活泼的，快活的 | |
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37
complexion
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| n.肤色；情况，局面；气质，性格 | |
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38
linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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39
notably
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| adv.值得注意地，显著地，尤其地，特别地 | |
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40
recurring
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| adj.往复的，再次发生的 | |
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41
caressing
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| 爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的 | |
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42
unintelligible
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| adj.无法了解的，难解的，莫明其妙的 | |
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43
intelligible
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| adj.可理解的，明白易懂的，清楚的 | |
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44
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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45
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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46
astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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47
interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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48
misgiving
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| n.疑虑，担忧，害怕 | |
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49
wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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50
paragon
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| n.模范，典型 | |
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51
amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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52
soda
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| n.苏打水；汽水 | |
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53
exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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54
wrenched
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| v.（猛力地）扭( wrench的过去式和过去分词 )；扭伤；使感到痛苦；使悲痛 | |
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55
pendulous
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| adj.下垂的；摆动的 | |
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56
jaw
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| n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训 | |
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57
travesty
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| n.歪曲，嘲弄，滑稽化 | |
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58
chafed
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| v.擦热（尤指皮肤）( chafe的过去式 )；擦痛；发怒；惹怒 | |
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59
hostility
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| n.敌对，敌意；抵制［pl.］交战，战争 | |
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60
tuned
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| adj.调谐的，已调谐的v.调音( tune的过去式和过去分词 )；调整；（给收音机、电视等）调谐；使协调 | |
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61
retinue
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| n.侍从；随员 | |
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62
hideously
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| adv.可怕地，非常讨厌地 | |
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63
profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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64
enviously
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| adv.满怀嫉妒地 | |
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65
noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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66
accurately
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| adv.准确地，精确地 | |
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67
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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68
parody
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| n.打油诗文，诙谐的改编诗文，拙劣的模仿；v.拙劣模仿，作模仿诗文 | |
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69
scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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70
exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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71
demurely
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| adv.装成端庄地，认真地 | |
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72
evading
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| 逃避( evade的现在分词 )； 避开； 回避； 想不出 | |
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73
impulsive
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| adj.冲动的，刺激的；有推动力的 | |
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74
recoil
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| vi.退却，退缩，畏缩 | |
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75
repercussion
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| n.[常pl.](不良的)影响，反响，后果 | |
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76
friendliness
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| n.友谊，亲切，亲密 | |
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77
dwindling
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| adj.逐渐减少的v.逐渐变少或变小( dwindle的现在分词 ) | |
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78
allied
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| adj.协约国的；同盟国的 | |
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79
conspired
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| 密谋( conspire的过去式和过去分词 )； 搞阴谋； （事件等）巧合； 共同导致 | |
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80
jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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81
impersonal
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| adj.无个人感情的，与个人无关的，非人称的 | |
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82
desecrated
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| 毁坏或亵渎( desecrate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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83
profaned
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| v.不敬( profane的过去式和过去分词 )；亵渎，玷污 | |
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