Chapter 12

There was a veiled expression in Peter's eyes that evening when he met his mother. Passion was exhausted¹. He divined already that Miranda was irrecoverable, that pursuit was useless. He now clearly understood how and why she had suffered. His late agony in her room she had many times endured, looking in his letters for a passion not yet illumined, eager to find that he needed her, but finding always that she lived in a palace of cloud. He saw now that Miranda's love had never been the dreaming ecstasy² from which he himself had just awakened³. He remembered and understood what he had merely accepted as characteristic of her turbulent spirit—sudden fits of petulance⁴, occasions when without apparent reason she had flung savagely⁵ away from him. There were other things which thrilled him now, as when her arms tightened⁶ about his neck, and she answered his light caress⁷ with urgent kisses.

Peter's mother gave him a note in Miranda's hand:

    "Peter,—We are going to Canada, and I am not going to write to you. I think, Peter, you are only a boy, and one day you will find out whether you really loved me. I am older than[Pg 74] you. I shall not come back to you, because you are going to be rich, and your friends cannot be my friends. If you had answered my last letter, perhaps I could not have done this. But it is better."

When Peter had finished reading he saw that his mother was watching him. He was learning to notice things. His mother, too, he had never really regarded except in relation to himself. Yet she had seen unfold the tale of his passion. She, too, had been affected⁸. He passed her the letter, and waited as she read.

"You know, mother, what this means?" he asked, shyly moved to confide⁹ in her.

"Yes, Peter, I think I do," she answered, glad of his trust.

Peter bent¹⁰ eagerly towards her. "Can you tell me where they have gone?"

Mrs. Paragon¹¹ gently denied him:

"No one knows. They left very quickly. Mr. Smith owed some money."

It pained her so sordidly¹² to touch Peter's tragedy.

"He ran away?" concluded Peter, squarely facing it.

Mrs. Paragon bent her head. Peter tried to say something. He wanted to tell his mother how suddenly precious to him was her knowledge and understanding. But he broke off and his[Pg 75] mouth trembled. In a moment she had taken him as a child.

At last she spoke¹³ to him again, wisely and bravely:

"Try to put all this away," she pleaded. "You are too young. I want you to be happy with your friends."

She paused shyly, a little daunted¹⁴ by the thought in her mind. Then she quietly continued:

"I don't want you to think yet of women."

She continued to urge him:

"Life is so full of things. You think now only of this disappointment, but, Peter dear, I want you to be strong and famous."

Her words, years afterwards to be remembered, passed over Peter's head. He hardly knew what she said. He was conscious only of her tenderness—his first comfort. It was the consecration¹⁵ of their discovered intimacy¹⁶.

Uncle Henry was away from home—not expected for several days. Peter was grateful for this. He could not have met the rosy¹⁷ man with the heartiness¹⁸ he required. Peter spent the evening talking to his mother of Oxford¹⁹ and his new friends. She quietly insisted that he should.

But, when Peter was alone once more in his room, his grief came back the deadlier for being held away. He sat for half an hour in the dark. Then he left the room and knocked at his mother's door.

[Pg 76]

"Is that you, Peter?"

"I want to talk to you."

The door was not locked and she called him in. He had a plan to discuss, but it could have waited. He merely obeyed a blind instinct to get away from his misery²⁰. His mother leaned from the bed on her elbow, and Peter sat beside her. She raised her arm to his shoulder with a gesture slow and large. Peter insensibly found comfort in her beauty. He had never before realised his mother was beautiful. Was it the open calm of her forehead or her deep eyes?

"Can't you sleep, dear?" she asked.

"I want to ask you something."

"Well?"

Mrs. Paragon tranquilly²¹ waited.

"I want to go away," said Peter. "I can't bear to be so near to everything."

Mrs. Paragon was immediately practical.

"Where do you want to go?" she asked.

"I could spend the vacation in London," suggested Peter.

"What will your uncle say?"

"Tell him everything."

Mrs. Paragon smiled at herself explaining Peter's tragedy to Uncle Henry.

"You want to go at once?"

"Please."

Peter's mother looked wistfully, with doubt in her heart. Her hand tightened on his arm.

[Pg 77]

"I wonder," she almost whispered. "Can I trust you to go?"

She looked at him with her calm eyes.

"Peter," she said at last, "you still belong to me. You must come back to me as my own. Do you understand?"

Peter saw yet deeper into his mother's heart—the mother he had so long neglected to know. Her question hung in the air, but he could not trust his voice. His eyes answered her in an honourable²² promise. Then suddenly he bent his head to her bosom²³. Her arms accepted him.

Scarcely half an hour later Peter was fast sleeping in his room. Already the torrent²⁴ of his life was breaking a fresh channel. He had dedicated²⁵ himself anew.

1 exhausted   

adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的

参考例句：

• It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长，到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
• Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。

2 ecstasy   

n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷

参考例句：

• He listened to the music with ecstasy.他听音乐听得入了神。
• Speechless with ecstasy,the little boys gazed at the toys.小孩注视着那些玩具，高兴得说不出话来。

3 awakened   

v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到

参考例句：

• She awakened to the sound of birds singing. 她醒来听到鸟的叫声。
• The public has been awakened to the full horror of the situation. 公众完全意识到了这一状况的可怕程度。 来自《简明英汉词典》

4 petulance   

n.发脾气，生气，易怒，暴躁，性急

参考例句：

• His petulance made her impatient.他的任性让她无法忍受。
• He tore up the manuscript in a fit of petulance.他一怒之下把手稿撕碎了。

5 savagely   

adv. 野蛮地，残酷地

参考例句：

• The roses had been pruned back savagely. 玫瑰被狠狠地修剪了一番。
• He snarled savagely at her. 他向她狂吼起来。

6 tightened   

收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）变紧； （使）绷紧； 加紧

参考例句：

• The rope holding the boat suddenly tightened and broke. 系船的绳子突然绷断了。
• His index finger tightened on the trigger but then relaxed again. 他的食指扣住扳机，然后又松开了。

7 caress   

vt./n.爱抚，抚摸

参考例句：

• She gave the child a loving caress.她疼爱地抚摸着孩子。
• She feasted on the caress of the hot spring.她尽情享受着温泉的抚爱。

8 affected   

adj.不自然的，假装的

参考例句：

• She showed an affected interest in our subject.她假装对我们的课题感到兴趣。
• His manners are affected.他的态度不自然。

9 confide   

v.向某人吐露秘密

参考例句：

• I would never readily confide in anybody.我从不轻易向人吐露秘密。
• He is going to confide the secrets of his heart to us.他将向我们吐露他心里的秘密。

10 bent   

n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的

参考例句：

• He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
• We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。

11 paragon   

n.模范，典型

参考例句：

• He was considered to be a paragon of virtue.他被认为是品德尽善尽美的典范。
• Man is the paragon of animals.人是万物之灵。

12 sordidly   

adv.肮脏地；污秽地；不洁地

参考例句：

13 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

14 daunted   

使（某人）气馁，威吓( daunt的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• She was a brave woman but she felt daunted by the task ahead. 她是一个勇敢的女人，但对面前的任务却感到信心不足。
• He was daunted by the high quality of work they expected. 他被他们对工作的高品质的要求吓倒了。

15 consecration   

n.供献，奉献，献祭仪式

参考例句：

• "What we did had a consecration of its own. “我们的所作所为其本身是一种神圣的贡献。 来自英汉文学 - 红字
• If you do add Consecration or healing, your mana drop down lower. 如果你用了奉献或者治疗，你的蓝将会慢慢下降。 来自互联网

16 intimacy   

n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行

参考例句：

• His claims to an intimacy with the President are somewhat exaggerated.他声称自己与总统关系密切，这有点言过其实。
• I wish there were a rule book for intimacy.我希望能有个关于亲密的规则。

17 rosy   

adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的

参考例句：

• She got a new job and her life looks rosy.她找到一份新工作，生活看上去很美好。
• She always takes a rosy view of life.她总是对生活持乐观态度。

18 heartiness   

诚实，热心

参考例句：

• However, he realized the air of empty-headed heartiness might also mask a shrewd mind. 但他知道，盲目的热情可能使伶俐的头脑发昏。
• There was in him the heartiness and intolerant joviality of the prosperous farmer. 在他身上有种生意昌隆的农场主常常表现出的春风得意欢天喜地的劲头，叫人消受不了。

19 Oxford   

n.牛津（英国城市）

参考例句：

• At present he has become a Professor of Chemistry at Oxford.他现在已是牛津大学的化学教授了。
• This is where the road to Oxford joins the road to London.这是去牛津的路与去伦敦的路的汇合处。

20 misery   

n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦

参考例句：

• Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。
• He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。

21 tranquilly   

adv. 宁静地

参考例句：

• He took up his brush and went tranquilly to work. 他拿起刷子，一声不响地干了起来。
• The evening was closing down tranquilly. 暮色正在静悄悄地笼罩下来。

22 honourable   

adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的

参考例句：

• I don't think I am worthy of such an honourable title.这样的光荣称号，我可担当不起。
• I hope to find an honourable way of settling difficulties.我希望设法找到一个体面的办法以摆脱困境。

23 bosom   

n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的

参考例句：

• She drew a little book from her bosom.她从怀里取出一本小册子。
• A dark jealousy stirred in his bosom.他内心生出一阵恶毒的嫉妒。

24 torrent   

n.激流，洪流；爆发，(话语等的)连发

参考例句：

• The torrent scoured a channel down the hillside. 急流沿着山坡冲出了一条沟。
• Her pent-up anger was released in a torrent of words.她压抑的愤怒以滔滔不绝的话爆发了出来。

25 dedicated   

adj.一心一意的；献身的；热诚的

参考例句：

• He dedicated his life to the cause of education.他献身于教育事业。
• His whole energies are dedicated to improve the design.他的全部精力都放在改进这项设计上了。