JANUARY 8, 1772.
What beings are men, whose whole thoughts are occupied with form and ceremony, who for years together devote their mental and physical exertions1 to the task of advancing themselves but one step, and endeavouring to occupy a higher place at the table. Not that such persons would otherwise want employment: on the contrary, they give themselves much trouble by neglecting important business for such petty trifles. Last week a question of precedence arose at a sledging-party, and all our amusement was spoiled.
The silly creatures cannot see that it is not place which constitutes real greatness, since the man who occupies the first place but seldom plays the principal part. How many kings are governed by their ministers -- how many ministers by their secretaries? Who, in such cases, is really the chief? He, as it seems to me, who can see through the others, and possesses strength or skill enough to make their power or passions subservient2 to the execution of his own designs.
JANUARY 20.
I must write to you from this place, my dear Charlotte, from a small room in a country inn, where I have taken shelter from a severe storm. During my whole residence in that wretched place D--, where I lived amongst strangers, -- strangers, indeed, to this heart, -- I never at any time felt the smallest inclination3 to correspond with you; but in this cottage, in this retirement4, in this solitude5, with the snow and hail beating against my lattice-pane, you are my first thought. The instant I entered, your figure rose up before me, and the remembrance! O my Charlotte, the sacred, tender remembrance! Gracious Heaven! restore to me the happy moment of our first acquaintance.
Could you but see me, my dear Charlotte, in the whirl of dissipation, -- how my senses are dried up, but my heart is at no time full. I enjoy no single moment of happiness: all is vain -- nothing touches me. I stand, as it were, before the raree-show: I see the little puppets move, and I ask whether it is not an optical illusion. I am amused with these puppets, or, rather, I am myself one of them: but, when I sometimes grasp my neighbour's hand, I feel that it is not natural; and I withdraw mine with a shudder6. In the evening I say I will enjoy the next morning's sunrise, and yet I remain in bed: in the day I promise to ramble7 by moonlight; and I, nevertheless, remain at home. I know not why I rise, nor why I go to sleep.
The leaven8 which animated9 my existence is gone: the charm which cheered me in the gloom of night, and aroused me from my morning slumbers10, is for ever fled.
I have found but one being here to interest me, a Miss B--. She resembles you, my dear Charlotte, if any one can possibly resemble you. "Ah!" you will say, "he has learned how to pay fine compliments." And this is partly true. I have been very agreeable lately, as it was not in my power to be otherwise. I have, moreover, a deal of wit: and the ladies say that no one understands flattery better, or falsehoods you will add; since the one accomplishment11 invariably accompanies the other. But I must tell you of Miss B--. She has abundance of soul, which flashes from her deep blue eyes. Her rank is a torment12 to her, and satisfies no one desire of her heart. She would gladly retire from this whirl of fashion, and we often picture to ourselves a life of undisturbed happiness in distant scenes of rural retirement: and then we speak of you, my dear Charlotte; for she knows you, and renders homage13 to your merits; but her homage is not exacted, but voluntary, she loves you, and delights to hear you made the subject of conversation.
Oh, that I were sitting at your feet in your favourite little room, with the dear children playing around us! If they became troublesome to you, I would tell them some appalling14 goblin story; and they would crowd round me with silent attention. The sun is setting in glory; his last rays are shining on the snow, which covers the face of the country: the storm is over, and I must return to my dungeon15. Adieu!-- Is Albert with you? and what is he to you? God forgive the question.
FEBRUARY 8.
For a week past we have had the most wretched weather: but this to me is a blessing16; for, during my residence here, not a single fine day has beamed from the heavens, but has been lost to me by the intrusion of somebody. During the severity of rain, sleet17, frost, and storm, I congratulate myself that it cannot be worse indoors than abroad, nor worse abroad than it is within doors; and so I become reconciled. When the sun rises bright in the morning, and promises a glorious day, I never omit to exclaim, "There, now, they have another blessing from Heaven, which they will be sure to destroy: they spoil everything, -- health, fame, happiness, amusement; and they do this generally through folly18, ignorance, or imbecility, and always, according to their own account, with the best intentions!" I could often beseech19 them, on my bended knees, to be less resolved upon their own destruction.
FEBRUARY 17.
I fear that my ambassador and I shall not continue much longer together. He is really growing past endurance. He transacts20 his business in so ridiculous a manner, that I am often compelled to contradict him, and do things my own way; and then, of course, he thinks them very ill done. He complained of me lately on this account at court; and the minister gave me a reprimand, -- a gentle one it is true, but still a reprimand. In consequence of this, I was about to tender my resignation, when I received a letter, to which I submitted with great respect, on account of the high, noble, and generous spirit which dictated21 it. He endeavoured to soothe22 my excessive sensibility, paid a tribute to my extreme ideas of duty, of good example, and of perseverance23 in business, as the fruit of my youthful ardour, an impulse which he did not seek to destroy, but only to moderate, that it might have proper play and be productive of good. So now I am at rest for another week, and no longer at variance24 with myself. Content and peace of mind are valuable things: I could wish, my dear friend, that these precious jewels were less transitory.
FEBRUARY 20.
God bless you, my dear friends, and may he grant you that happiness which he denies to me!
I thank you, Albert, for having deceived me. I waited for the news that your wedding-day was fixed25; and I intended on that day, with solemnity, to take down Charlotte's profile from the wall, and to bury it with some other papers I possess. You are now united, and her picture still remains26 here. Well, let it remain! Why should it not? I know that I am still one of your society, that I still occupy a place uninjured in Charlotte's heart, that I hold the second place therein; and I intend to keep it. Oh, I should become mad if she could forget! Albert, that thought is hell! Farewell, Albert farewell, angel of heaven farewell, Charlotte!
MARCH 15.
I have just had a sad adventure, which will drive me away from here. I lose all patience! -- Death! -- It is not to be remedied; and you alone are to blame, for you urged and impelled27 me to fill a post for which I was by no means suited. I have now reason to be satisfied, and so have you! But, that you may not again attribute this fatality28 to my impetuous temper, I send you, my dear sir, a plain and simple narration29 of the affair, as a mere30 chronicler of facts would describe it.
The Count of O-- likes and distinguishes me. It is well known, and I have mentioned this to you a hundred times. Yesterday I dined with him. It is the day on which the nobility are accustomed to assemble at his house in the evening. I never once thought of the assembly, nor that we subalterns did not belong to such society. Well, I dined with the count; and, after dinner, we adjourned31 to the large hall. We walked up and down together: and I conversed32 with him, and with Colonel B--, who joined us; and in this manner the hour for the assembly approached. God knows, I was thinking of nothing, when who should enter but the honourable33 Lady accompanied by her noble husband and their silly, scheming daughter, with her small waist and flat neck; and, with disdainful looks and a haughty34 air they passed me by. As I heartily35 detest36 the whole race, I determined37 upon going away; and only waited till the count had disengaged himself from their impertinent prattle38, to take leave, when the agreeable Miss B-- came in. As I never meet her without experiencing a heartfelt pleasure, I stayed and talked to her, leaning over the back of her chair, and did not perceive, till after some time, that she seemed a little confused, and ceased to answer me with her usual ease of manner. I was struck with it. "Heavens!" I said to myself, "can she, too, be like the rest?" I felt annoyed, and was about to withdraw; but I remained, notwithstanding, forming excuses for her conduct, fancying she did not mean it, and still hoping to receive some friendly recognition. The rest of the company now arrived. There was the Baron39 F --, in an entire suit that dated from the coronation of Francis I.; the Chancellor40 N--, with his deaf wife; the shabbily-dressed I--, whose old-fashioned coat bore evidence of modern repairs: this crowned the whole. I conversed with some of my acquaintances, but they answered me laconically41. I was engaged in observing Miss B--, and did not notice that the women were whispering at the end of the room, that the murmur42 extended by degrees to the men, that Madame S-- addressed the count with much warmth (this was all related to me subsequently by Miss B--); till at length the count came up to me, and took me to the window. "You know our ridiculous customs," he said. "I perceive the company is rather displeased43 at your being here. I would not on any account--" "I beg your excellency's pardon!" I exclaimed. "I ought to have thought of this before, but I know you will forgive this little inattention. I was going," I added, "some time ago, but my evil genius detained me." And I smiled and bowed, to take my leave. He shook me by the hand, in a manner which expressed everything. I hastened at once from the illustrious assembly, sprang into a carriage, and drove to M--. I contemplated44 the setting sun from the top of the hill, and read that beautiful passage in Homer, where Ulysses is entertained by the hospitable45 herdsmen. This was indeed delightful46. I returned home to supper in the evening. But few persons were assembled in the room. They had turned up a corner of the table-cloth, and were playing at dice47. The good-natured A-- came in. He laid down his hat when he saw me, approached me, and said in a low tone, "You have met with a disagreeable adventure." "I!" I exclaimed. "The count obliged you to withdraw from the assembly!" "Deuce take the assembly!" said I. "I was very glad to be gone." "I am delighted," he added, "that you take it so lightly. I am only sorry that it is already so much spoken of." The circumstance then began to pain me. I fancied that every one who sat down, and even looked at me, was thinking of this incident; and my heart became embittered48.
And now I could plunge49 a dagger50 into my bosom51, when I hear myself everywhere pitied, and observe the triumph of my enemies, who say that this is always the case with vain persons, whose heads are turned with conceit52, who affect to despise forms and such petty, idle nonsense.
Say what you will of fortitude53, but show me the man who can patiently endure the laughter of fools, when they have obtained an advantage over him. 'Tis only when their nonsense is without foundation that one can suffer it without complaint.
MARCH 16.
Everything conspires54 against me. I met Miss B-- walking to-day. I could not help joining her; and, when we were at a little distance from her companions, I expressed my sense of her altered manner toward me. "O Werther!" she said, in a tone of emotion, "you, who know my heart, how could you so ill interpret my distress55? What did I not suffer for you, from the moment you entered the room! I foresaw it all, a hundred times was I on the point of mentioning it to you. I knew that the S--s and T--s, with their husbands, would quit the room, rather than remain in your company. I knew that the count would not break with them: and now so much is said about it." "How!" I exclaimed, and endeavoured to conceal56 my emotion; for all that Adelin had mentioned to me yesterday recurred57 to me painfully at that moment. "Oh, how much it has already cost me!" said this amiable58 girl, while her eyes filled with tears. I could scarcely contain myself, and was ready to throw myself at her feet. "Explain yourself!" I cried. Tears flowed down her cheeks. I became quite frantic59. She wiped them away, without attempting to conceal them. "You know my aunt," she continued; "she was present: and in what light does she consider the affair! Last night, and this morning, Werther, I was compelled to listen to a lecture upon my, acquaintance with you. I have been obliged to hear you condemned60 and depreciated61; and I could not -- I dared not -- say much in your defence."
Every word she uttered was a dagger to my heart. She did not feel what a mercy it would have been to conceal everything from me. She told me, in addition, all the impertinence that would be further circulated, and how the malicious62 would triumph; how they would rejoice over the punishment of my pride, over my humiliation63 for that want of esteem64 for others with which I had often been reproached. To hear all this, Wilhelm, uttered by her in a voice of the most sincere sympathy, awakened65 all my passions; and I am still in a state of extreme excitement. I wish I could find a man to jeer66 me about this event. I would sacrifice him to my resentment67. The sight of his blood might possibly be a relief to my fury. A hundred times have I seized a dagger, to give ease to this oppressed heart. Naturalists68 tell of a noble race of horses that instinctively69 open a vein70 with their teeth, when heated and exhausted71 by a long course, in order to breathe more freely. I am often tempted72 to open a vein, to procure73 for myself everlasting74 liberty.
MARCH 24.
I have tendered my resignation to the court. I hope it will be accepted, and you will forgive me for not having previously75 consulted you. It is necessary I should leave this place. I know all you will urge me to stay, and therefore I beg you will soften76 this news to my mother. I am unable to do anything for myself: how, then, should I be competent to assist others? It will afflict77 her that I should have interrupted that career which would have made me first a privy78 councillor, and then minister, and that I should look behind me, in place of advancing. Argue as you will, combine all the reasons which should have induced me to remain, I am going: that is sufficient. But, that you may not be ignorant of my destination, I may mention that the Prince of -- is here. He is much pleased with my company; and, having heard of my intention to resign, he has invited me to his country house, to pass the spring months with him. I shall be left completely my own master; and, as we agree on all subjects but one, I shall try my fortune, and accompany him.
1 exertions | |
n.努力( exertion的名词复数 );费力;(能力、权力等的)运用;行使 | |
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2 subservient | |
adj.卑屈的,阿谀的 | |
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3 inclination | |
n.倾斜;点头;弯腰;斜坡;倾度;倾向;爱好 | |
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4 retirement | |
n.退休,退职 | |
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5 solitude | |
n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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6 shudder | |
v.战粟,震动,剧烈地摇晃;n.战粟,抖动 | |
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7 ramble | |
v.漫步,漫谈,漫游;n.漫步,闲谈,蔓延 | |
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8 leaven | |
v.使发酵;n.酵母;影响 | |
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9 animated | |
adj.生气勃勃的,活跃的,愉快的 | |
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10 slumbers | |
睡眠,安眠( slumber的名词复数 ) | |
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11 accomplishment | |
n.完成,成就,(pl.)造诣,技能 | |
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12 torment | |
n.折磨;令人痛苦的东西(人);vt.折磨;纠缠 | |
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13 homage | |
n.尊敬,敬意,崇敬 | |
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14 appalling | |
adj.骇人听闻的,令人震惊的,可怕的 | |
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15 dungeon | |
n.地牢,土牢 | |
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16 blessing | |
n.祈神赐福;祷告;祝福,祝愿 | |
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17 sleet | |
n.雨雪;v.下雨雪,下冰雹 | |
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18 folly | |
n.愚笨,愚蠢,蠢事,蠢行,傻话 | |
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19 beseech | |
v.祈求,恳求 | |
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20 transacts | |
v.办理(业务等)( transact的第三人称单数 );交易,谈判 | |
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21 dictated | |
v.大声讲或读( dictate的过去式和过去分词 );口授;支配;摆布 | |
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22 soothe | |
v.安慰;使平静;使减轻;缓和;奉承 | |
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23 perseverance | |
n.坚持不懈,不屈不挠 | |
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24 variance | |
n.矛盾,不同 | |
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25 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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26 remains | |
n.剩余物,残留物;遗体,遗迹 | |
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27 impelled | |
v.推动、推进或敦促某人做某事( impel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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28 fatality | |
n.不幸,灾祸,天命 | |
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29 narration | |
n.讲述,叙述;故事;记叙体 | |
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30 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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31 adjourned | |
(使)休会, (使)休庭( adjourn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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32 conversed | |
v.交谈,谈话( converse的过去式 ) | |
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33 honourable | |
adj.可敬的;荣誉的,光荣的 | |
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34 haughty | |
adj.傲慢的,高傲的 | |
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35 heartily | |
adv.衷心地,诚恳地,十分,很 | |
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36 detest | |
vt.痛恨,憎恶 | |
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37 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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38 prattle | |
n.闲谈;v.(小孩般)天真无邪地说话;发出连续而无意义的声音 | |
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39 baron | |
n.男爵;(商业界等)巨头,大王 | |
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40 chancellor | |
n.(英)大臣;法官;(德、奥)总理;大学校长 | |
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41 laconically | |
adv.简短地,简洁地 | |
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42 murmur | |
n.低语,低声的怨言;v.低语,低声而言 | |
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43 displeased | |
a.不快的 | |
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44 contemplated | |
adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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45 hospitable | |
adj.好客的;宽容的;有利的,适宜的 | |
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46 delightful | |
adj.令人高兴的,使人快乐的 | |
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47 dice | |
n.骰子;vt.把(食物)切成小方块,冒险 | |
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48 embittered | |
v.使怨恨,激怒( embitter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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49 plunge | |
v.跳入,(使)投入,(使)陷入;猛冲 | |
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50 dagger | |
n.匕首,短剑,剑号 | |
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51 bosom | |
n.胸,胸部;胸怀;内心;adj.亲密的 | |
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52 conceit | |
n.自负,自高自大 | |
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53 fortitude | |
n.坚忍不拔;刚毅 | |
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54 conspires | |
密谋( conspire的第三人称单数 ); 搞阴谋; (事件等)巧合; 共同导致 | |
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55 distress | |
n.苦恼,痛苦,不舒适;不幸;vt.使悲痛 | |
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56 conceal | |
v.隐藏,隐瞒,隐蔽 | |
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57 recurred | |
再发生,复发( recur的过去式和过去分词 ); 治愈 | |
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58 amiable | |
adj.和蔼可亲的,友善的,亲切的 | |
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59 frantic | |
adj.狂乱的,错乱的,激昂的 | |
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60 condemned | |
adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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61 depreciated | |
v.贬值,跌价,减价( depreciate的过去式和过去分词 );贬低,蔑视,轻视 | |
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62 malicious | |
adj.有恶意的,心怀恶意的 | |
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63 humiliation | |
n.羞辱 | |
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64 esteem | |
n.尊敬,尊重;vt.尊重,敬重;把…看作 | |
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65 awakened | |
v.(使)醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 );(使)觉醒;弄醒;(使)意识到 | |
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66 jeer | |
vi.嘲弄,揶揄;vt.奚落;n.嘲笑,讥评 | |
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67 resentment | |
n.怨愤,忿恨 | |
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68 naturalists | |
n.博物学家( naturalist的名词复数 );(文学艺术的)自然主义者 | |
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69 instinctively | |
adv.本能地 | |
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70 vein | |
n.血管,静脉;叶脉,纹理;情绪;vt.使成脉络 | |
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71 exhausted | |
adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的 | |
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72 tempted | |
v.怂恿(某人)干不正当的事;冒…的险(tempt的过去分词) | |
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73 procure | |
vt.获得,取得,促成;vi.拉皮条 | |
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74 everlasting | |
adj.永恒的,持久的,无止境的 | |
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75 previously | |
adv.以前,先前(地) | |
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76 soften | |
v.(使)变柔软;(使)变柔和 | |
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77 afflict | |
vt.使身体或精神受痛苦,折磨 | |
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78 privy | |
adj.私用的;隐密的 | |
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