OCTOBER 2O.
We arrived here yesterday. The ambassador is indisposed, and will not go out for some days. If he were less peevish1 and morose2, all would be well. I see but too plainly that Heaven has destined3 me to severe trials; but courage! a light heart may bear anything. A light heart! I smile to find such a word proceeding4 from my pen. A little more lightheartedness would render me the happiest being under the sun. But must I despair of my talents and faculties5, whilst others of far inferior abilities parade before me with the utmost self-satisfaction? Gracious Providence6, to whom I owe all my powers, why didst thou not withhold7 some of those blessings8 I possess, and substitute in their place a feeling of self-confidence and contentment?
But patience! all will yet be well; for I assure you, my dear friend, you were right: since I have been obliged to associate continually with other people, and observe what they do, and how they employ themselves, I have become far better satisfied with myself. For we are so constituted by nature, that we are ever prone9 to compare ourselves with others; and our happiness or misery10 depends very much on the objects and persons around us. On this account, nothing is more dangerous than solitude11: there our imagination, always disposed to rise, taking a new flight on the wings of fancy, pictures to us a chain of beings of whom we seem the most inferior. All things appear greater than they really are, and all seem superior to us. This operation of the mind is quite natural: we so continually feel our own imperfections, and fancy we perceive in others the qualities we do not possess, attributing to them also all that we enjoy ourselves, that by this process we form the idea of a perfect, happy man, -- a man, however, who only exists in our own imagination. But when, in spite of weakness and disappointments, we set to work in earnest, and persevere12 steadily13, we often find, that, though obliged continually to tack14, we make more way than others who have the assistance of wind and tide; and, in truth, there can be no greater satisfaction than to keep pace with others or outstrip15 them in the race.
NOVEMBER 26.
I begin to find my situation here more tolerable, considering all circumstances. I find a great advantage in being much occupied; and the number of persons I meet, and their different pursuits, create a varied16 entertainment for me. I have formed the acquaintance of the Count C-- and I esteem17 him more and more every day. He is a man of strong understanding and great discernment; but, though he sees farther than other people, he is not on that account cold in his manner, but capable of inspiring and returning the warmest affection. He appeared interested in me on one occasion, when I had to transact18 some business with him. He perceived, at the first word, that we understood each other, and that he could converse19 with me in a different tone from what he used with others. I cannot sufficiently20 esteem his frank and open kindness to me. It is the greatest and most genuine of pleasures to observe a great mind in sympathy with our own.
DECEMBER 24.
As I anticipated, the ambassador occasions me infinite annoyance21. He is the most punctilious22 blockhead under heaven. He does everything step by step, with the trifling23 minuteness of an old woman; and he is a man whom it is impossible to please, because he is never pleased with himself. I like to do business regularly and cheerfully, and, when it is finished, to leave it. But he constantly returns my papers to me, saying, "They will do," but recommending me to look over them again, as "one may always improve by using a better word or a more appropriate particle." I then lose all patience, and wish myself at the devil's. Not a conjunction, not an adverb, must be omitted: he has a deadly antipathy24 to all those transpositions of which I am so fond; and, if the music of our periods is not tuned25 to the established, official key, he cannot comprehend our meaning. It is deplorable to be connected with such a fellow.
My acquaintance with the Count C-- is the only compensation for such an evil. He told me frankly26, the other day, that he was much displeased27 with the difficulties and delays of the ambassador; that people like him are obstacles, both to themselves and to others. "But," added he, "one must submit, like a traveller who has to ascend28 a mountain: if the mountain was not there, the road would be both shorter and pleasanter; but there it is, and he must get over it." The old man perceives the count's partiality for me: this annoys him, and, he seizes every opportunity to depreciate29 the count in my hearing. I naturally defend him, and that only makes matters worse. Yesterday he made me indignant, for he also alluded30 to me. "The count," he said, "is a man of the world, and a good man of business: his style is good, and he writes with facility; but, like other geniuses, he has no solid learning." He looked at me with an expression that seemed to ask if I felt the blow. But it did not produce the desired effect: I despise a man who can think and act in such a manner. However, I made a stand, and answered with not a little warmth. The count, I said, was a man entitled to respect, alike for his character and his acquirements. I had never met a person whose mind was stored with more useful and extensive knowledge, -- who had, in fact, mastered such an infinite variety of subjects, and who yet retained all his activity for the details of ordinary business. This was altogether beyond his comprehension; and I took my leave, lest my anger should be too highly excited by some new absurdity31 of his.
And you are to blame for all this, you who persuaded me to bend my neck to this yoke32 by preaching a life of activity to me. If the man who plants vegetables, and carries his corn to town on market-days, is not more usefully employed than I am, then let me work ten years longer at the galleys33 to which I am now chained.
Oh, the brilliant wretchedness, the weariness, that one is doomed34 to witness among the silly people whom we meet in society here! The ambition of rank! How they watch, how they toil35, to gain precedence! What poor and contemptible36 passions are displayed in their utter nakedness! We have a woman here, for example, who never ceases to entertain the company with accounts of her family and her estates. Any stranger would consider her a silly being, whose head was turned by her pretensions37 to rank and property; but she is in reality even more ridiculous, the daughter of a mere38 magistrate's clerk from this neighbourhood. I cannot understand how human beings can so debase themselves.
Every day I observe more and more the folly39 of judging of others by ourselves; and I have so much trouble with myseif, and my own heart is in such constant agitation40, that I am well content to let others pursue their own course, if they only allow me the same privilege.
What provokes me most is the unhappy extent to which distinctions of rank are carried. I know perfectly41 well how necessary are inequalities of condition, and I am sensible of the advantages I myself derive42 therefrom; but I would not have these institutions prove a barrier to the small chance of happiness which I may enjoy on this earth.
I have lately become acquainted with a Miss B--, a very agreeable girl, who has retained her natural manners in the midst of artificial life. Our first conversation pleased us both equally; and, at taking leave, I requested permission to visit her. She consented in so obliging a manner, that I waited with impatience43 for the arrival of the happy moment. She is not a native of this place, but resides here with her aunt. The countenance44 of the old lady is not prepossessing. I paid her much attention, addressing the greater part of my conversation to her; and, in less than half an hour, I discovered what her niece subsequently acknowledged to me, that her aged45 aunt, having but a small fortune, and a still smaller share of understanding, enjoys no satisfaction except in the pedigree of her ancestors, no protection save in her noble birth, and no enjoyment46 but in looking from her castle over the heads of the humble47 citizens. She was, no doubt, handsome in her youth, and in her early years probably trifled away her time in rendering48 many a poor youth the sport of her caprice: in her riper years she has submitted to the yoke of a veteran officer, who, in return for her person and her small independence, has spent with her what we may designate her age of brass49. He is dead; and she is now a widow, and deserted50. She spends her iron age alone, and would not be approached, except for the loveliness of her niece.
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peevish
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| adj.易怒的，坏脾气的 | |
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morose
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| adj.脾气坏的，不高兴的 | |
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destined
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| adj.命中注定的；(for)以…为目的地的 | |
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proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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withhold
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| v.拒绝，不给；使停止，阻挡 | |
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blessings
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| n.（上帝的）祝福( blessing的名词复数 )；好事；福分；因祸得福 | |
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prone
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| adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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persevere
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| v.坚持，坚忍，不屈不挠 | |
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steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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tack
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| n.大头钉；假缝，粗缝 | |
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outstrip
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| v.超过，跑过 | |
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varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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transact
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| v.处理；做交易；谈判 | |
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converse
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| vi.谈话，谈天，闲聊；adv.相反的，相反 | |
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sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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punctilious
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| adj.谨慎的，谨小慎微的 | |
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trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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antipathy
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| n.憎恶；反感，引起反感的人或事物 | |
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tuned
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| adj.调谐的，已调谐的v.调音( tune的过去式和过去分词 )；调整；（给收音机、电视等）调谐；使协调 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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displeased
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| a.不快的 | |
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ascend
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| vi.渐渐上升，升高；vt.攀登，登上 | |
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depreciate
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| v.降价，贬值，折旧 | |
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alluded
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| 提及，暗指( allude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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absurdity
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| n.荒谬，愚蠢；谬论 | |
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yoke
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| n.轭；支配；v.给...上轭，连接，使成配偶 | |
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galleys
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| n.平底大船，战舰( galley的名词复数 )；（船上或航空器上的）厨房 | |
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doomed
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| 命定的 | |
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toil
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| vi.辛劳工作，艰难地行动；n.苦工，难事 | |
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contemptible
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| adj.可鄙的，可轻视的，卑劣的 | |
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pretensions
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| 自称( pretension的名词复数 )； 自命不凡； 要求； 权力 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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derive
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| v.取得；导出；引申；来自；源自；出自 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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aged
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| adj.年老的，陈年的 | |
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enjoyment
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| n.乐趣；享有；享用 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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rendering
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| n.表现，描写 | |
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brass
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| n.黄铜；黄铜器，铜管乐器 | |
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deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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