I lay ill through several weeks, and the usual tenor1 of my lifebecame like an old remembrance. But this was not the effect oftime so much as of the change in all my habits made by thehelplessness and inaction of a sick-room. Before I had beenconfined to it many days, everything else seemed to have retiredinto a remote distance where there was little or no separationbetween the various stages of my life which had been really dividedby years. In falling ill, I seemed to have crossed a dark lake andto have left all my experiences, mingled2 together by the greatdistance, on the healthy shore.
My housekeeping duties, though at first it caused me great anxietyto think that they were unperformed, were soon as far off as theoldest of the old duties at Greenleaf or the summer afternoons whenI went home from school with my portfolio3 under my arm, and mychildish shadow at my side, to my godmother's house. I had neverknown before how short life really was and into how small a spacethe mind could put it.
While I was very ill, the way in which these divisions of timebecame confused with one another distressed4 my mind exceedingly.
At once a child, an elder girl, and the little woman I had been sohappy as, I was not only oppressed by cares and difficultiesadapted to each station, but by the great perplexity of endlesslytrying to reconcile them. I suppose that few who have not been insuch a condition can quite understand what I mean or what painfulunrest arose from this source.
For the same reason I am almost afraid to hint at that time in mydisorder--it seemed one long night, but I believe there were bothnights and days in it--when I laboured up colossal5 staircases, everstriving to reach the top, and ever turned, as I have seen a wormin a garden path, by some obstruction6, and labouring again. I knewperfectly at intervals8, and I think vaguely9 at most times, that Iwas in my bed; and I talked with Charley, and felt her touch, andknew her very well; yet I would find myself complaining, "Oh, moreof these never-ending stairs, Charley--more and more--piled up tothe sky', I think!" and labouring on again.
Dare I hint at that worse time when, strung together somewhere ingreat black space, there was a flaming necklace, or ring, or starrycircle of some kind, of which I was one of the beads10! And when myonly prayer was to be taken off from the rest and when it was suchinexplicable agony and misery11 to be a part of the dreadful thing?
Perhaps the less I say of these sick experiences, the less tediousand the more intelligible12 I shall be. I do not recall them to makeothers unhappy or because I am now the least unhappy in rememberingthem. It may be that if we knew more of such strange afflictionswe might be the better able to alleviate13 their intensity14.
The repose15 that succeeded, the long delicious sleep, the blissfulrest, when in my weakness I was too calm to have any care formyself and could have heard (or so I think now) that I was dying,with no other emotion than with a pitying love for those I leftbehind--this state can be perhaps more widely understood. I was inthis state when I first shrunk from the light as it twinkled on meonce more, and knew with a boundless16 joy for which no words arerapturous enough that I should see again.
I had heard my Ada crying at the door, day and night; I had heardher calling to me that I was cruel and did not love her; I hadheard her praying and imploring17 to be let in to nurse and comfortme and to leave my bedside no more; but I had only said, when Icould speak, "Never, my sweet girl, never!" and I had over and overagain reminded Charley that she was to keep my darling from theroom whether I lived or died. Charley had been true to me in thattime of need, and with her little hand and her great heart had keptthe door fast.
But now, my sight strengthening and the glorious light coming everyday more fully18 and brightly on me, I could read the letters that mydear wrote to me every morning and evening and could put them to mylips and lay my cheek upon them with no fear of hurting her. Icould see my little maid, so tender and so careful, going about thetwo rooms setting everything in order and speaking cheerfully toAda from the open window again. I could understand the stillnessin the house and the thoughtfulness it expressed on the part of allthose who had always been so good to me. I could weep in theexquisite felicity of my heart and be as happy in my weakness asever I had been in my strength.
By and by my strength began to be restored. Instead of lying, withso strange a calmness, watching what was done for me, as if it weredone for some one else whom I was quietly sorry for, I helped it alittle, and so on to a little more and much more, until I becameuseful to myself, and interested, and attached to life again.
How well I remember the pleasant afternoon when I was raised in bedwith pillows for the first time to enjoy a great tea-drinking withCharley! The little creature--sent into the world, surely, tominister to the weak and sick--was so happy, and so busy, andstopped so often in her preparations to lay her head upon my bosom,and fondle me, and cry with joyful19 tears she was so glad, she wasso glad, that I was obliged to say, "Charley, if you go on in thisway, I must lie down again, my darling, for I am weaker than Ithought I was!" So Charley became as quiet as a mouse and took herbright face here and there across and across the two rooms, out ofthe shade into the divine sunshine, and out of the sunshine intothe shade, while I watched her peacefully. When all herpreparations were concluded and the pretty tea-table with itslittle delicacies20 to tempt21 me, and its white cloth, and itsflowers, and everything so lovingly and beautifully arranged for meby Ada downstairs, was ready at the bedside, I felt sure I wassteady enough to say something to Charley that was not new to mythoughts.
First I complimented Charley on the room, and indeed it was sofresh and airy, so spotless and neat, that I could scarce believe Ihad been lying there so long. This delighted Charley, and her facewas brighter than before.
"Yet, Charley," said I, looking round, "I miss something, surely,that I am accustomed to?"Poor little Charley looked round too and pretended to shake herhead as if there were nothing absent.
"Are the pictures all as they used to be?" I asked her.
"Every one of them, miss," said Charley.
"And the furniture, Charley?""Except where I have moved it about to make more room, miss.""And yet," said I, "I miss some familiar object. Ah, I know whatit is, Charley! It's the looking-glass."Charley got up from the table, making as if she had forgottensomething, and went into the next room; and I heard her sob22 there.
I had thought of this very often. I was now certain of it. Icould thank God that it was not a shock to me now. I calledCharley back, and when she came--at first pretending to smile, butas she drew nearer to me, looking grieved--I took her in my armsand said, "It matters very little, Charley. I hope I can dowithout my old face very well."I was presently so far advanced as to be able to sit up in a greatchair and even giddily to walk into the adjoining room, leaning onCharley. The mirror was gone from its usual place in that roomtoo, but what I had to bear was none the harder to bear for that.
My guardian23 had throughout been earnest to visit me, and there wasnow no good reason why I should deny myself that happiness. Hecame one morning, and when he first came in, could only hold me inhis embrace and say, "My dear, dear girl!" I had long known--whocould know better?--what a deep fountain of affection andgenerosity his heart was; and was it not worth my trivial sufferingand change to fill such a place in it? "Oh, yes!" I thought. "Hehas seen me, and he loves me better than he did; he has seen me andis even fonder of me than he was before; and what have I to mournfor!"He sat down by me on the sofa, supporting me with his arm. For alittle while he sat with his hand over his face, but when heremoved it, fell into his usual manner. There never can have been,there never can be, a pleasanter manner.
"My little woman," said he, "what a sad time this has been. Suchan inflexible24 little woman, too, through all!""Only for the best, guardian," said I.
"For the best?" he repeated tenderly. "Of course, for the best.
But here have Ada and I been perfectly7 forlorn and miserable25; herehas your friend Caddy been coming and going late and early; herehas every one about the house been utterly26 lost and dejected; herehas even poor Rick been writing--to ME too--in his anxiety foryou!"I had read of Caddy in Ada's letters, but not of Richard. I toldhim so.
"Why, no, my dear," he replied. "I have thought it better not tomention it to her.""And you speak of his writing to YOU," said I, repeating hisemphasis. "As if it were not natural for him to do so, guardian;as if he could write to a better friend!""He thinks he could, my love," returned my guardian, "and to many abetter27. The truth is, he wrote to me under a sort of protest whileunable to write to you with any hope of an answer--wrote coldly,haughtily, distantly, resentfully. Well, dearest little woman, wemust look forbearingly on it. He is not to blame. Jarndyce andJarndyce has warped28 him out of himself and perverted29 me in hiseyes. I have known it do as bad deeds, and worse, many a time. Iftwo angels could be concerned in it, I believe it would changetheir nature.""It has not changed yours, guardian.""Oh, yes, it has, my dear," he said laughingly. "It has made thesouth wind easterly, I don't know how often. Rick mistrusts andsuspects me--goes to lawyers, and is taught to mistrust and suspectme. Hears I have conflicting interests, claims clashing againsthis and what not. Whereas, heaven knows that if I could get out ofthe mountains of wiglomeration on which my unfortunate name hasbeen so long bestowed30 (which I can't) or could level them by theextinction of my own original right (which I can't either, and nohuman power ever can, anyhow, I believe, to such a pass have wegot), I would do it this hour. I would rather restore to poor Rickhis proper nature than be endowed with all the money that deadsuitors, broken, heart and soul, upon the wheel of Chancery, haveleft unclaimed with the Accountant-General--and that's moneyenough, my dear, to be cast into a pyramid, in memory of Chancery'stranscendent wickedness.""IS it possible, guardian," I asked, amazed, "that Richard can besuspicious of you?""Ah, my love, my love," he said, "it is in the subtle poison ofsuch abuses to breed such diseases. His blood is infected, andobjects lose their natural aspects in his sight. It is not HISfault.""But it is a terrible misfortune, guardian.""It is a terrible misfortune, little woman, to be ever drawn31 withinthe influences of Jarndyce and Jarndyce. I know none greater. Bylittle and little he has been induced to trust in that rotten reed,and it communicates some portion of its rottenness to everythingaround him. But again I say with all my soul, we must be patientwith poor Rick and not blame him. What a troop of fine freshhearts like his have I seen in my time turned by the same means!"I could not help expressing something of my wonder and regret thathis benevolent32, disinterested33 intentions had prospered34 so little.
"We must not say so, Dame35 Durden," he cheerfully rephed; "Ada isthe happier, I hope, and that is much. I did think that I and boththese young creatures might be friends instead of distrustful foesand that we might so far counter-act the suit and prove too strongfor it. But it was too much to expect. Jarndyce and Jarndyce wasthe curtain of Rick's cradle.""But, guardian, may we not hope that a little experience will teachhim what a false and wretched thing it is?""We WILL hope so, my Esther," said Mr. Jarndyce, "and that it maynot teach him so too late. In any case we must not be hard on him.
There are not many grown and matured men living while we speak,good men too, who if they were thrown into this same court assuitors would not be vitally changed and depreciated36 within threeyears--within two--within one. How can we stand amazed at poorRick? A young man so unfortunate," here he fell into a lower tone,as if he were thinking aloud, "cannot at first believe (who could?)that Chancery is what it is. He looks to it, flushed and fitfully,to do something with his interests and bring them to somesettlement. It procrastinates37, disappoints, tries, tortures him;wears out his sanguine38 hopes and patience, thread by thread; but hestill looks to it, and hankers after it, and finds his whole worldtreacherous and hollow. Well, well, well! Enough of this, mydear!"He had supported me, as at first, all this time, and his tendernesswas so precious to me that I leaned my head upon his shoulder andloved him as if he had been my father. I resolved in my own mindin this little pause, by some means, to see Richard when I grewstrong and try to set him right.
"There are better subjects than these," said my guardian, "for sucha joyful time as the time of our dear girl's recovery. And I had acommission to broach39 one of them as soon as I should begin to talk.
When shall Ada come to see you, my love?"I had been thinking of that too. A little in connexion with theabsent mirrors, but not much, for I knew my loving girl would bechanged by no change in my looks.
"Dear guardian," said I, "as I have shut her out so long--thoughindeed, indeed, she is like the light to me--""I know it well, Dame Durden, well."He was so good, his touch expressed such endearing compassion40 andaffection, and the tone of his voice carried such comfort into myheart that I stopped for a little while, quite unable to go on.
"Yes, yes, you are tired," said he, "Rest a little.""As I have kept Ada out so long," I began afresh after a shortwhile, "I think I should like to have my own way a little longer,guardian. It would be best to be away from here before I see her.
If Charley and I were to go to some country lodging41 as soon as Ican move, and if I had a week there in which to grow stronger andto be revived by the sweet air and to look forward to the happinessof having Ada with me again, I think it would be better for us."I hope it was not a poor thing in me to wish to be a little moreused to my altered self before I met the eyes of the dear girl Ilonged so ardently43 to see, but it is the truth. I did. Heunderstood me, I was sure; but I was not afraid of that. If itwere a poor thing, I knew he would pass it over.
"Our spoilt little woman," said my guardian, "shall have her ownway even in her inflexibility44, though at the price, I know, oftears downstairs. And see here! Here is Boythorn, heart ofchivalry, breathing such ferocious45 vows46 as never were breathed onpaper before, that if you don't go and occupy his whole house, hehaving already turned out of it expressly for that purpose, byheaven and by earth he'll pull it down and not leave one brickstanding on another!"And my guardian put a letter in my hand, without any ordinarybeginning such as "My dear Jarndyce," but rushing at once into thewords, "I swear if Miss Summerson do not come down and takepossession of my house, which I vacate for her this day at oneo'clock, P.M.," and then with the utmost seriousness, and in themost emphatic47 terms, going on to make the extraordinary declarationhe had quoted. We did not appreciate the writer the less forlaughing heartily48 over it, and we settled that I should send him aletter of thanks on the morrow and accept his offer. It was a mostagreeable one to me, for all the places I could have thought of, Ishould have liked to go to none so well as Chesney Wold.
"Now, little housewife," said my guardian, looking at his watch, "Iwas strictly49 timed before I came upstairs, for you must not betired too soon; and my time has waned50 away to the last minute. Ihave one other petition. Little Miss Flite, hearing a rumour51 thatyou were ill, made nothing of walking down here--twenty miles, poorsoul, in a pair of dancing shoes--to inquire. It was heaven'smercy we were at home, or she would have walked back again."The old conspiracy52 to make me happy! Everybody seemed to be in it!
"Now, pet," said my guardian, "if it would not be irksome to you toadmit the harmless little creature one afternoon before you saveBoythorn's otherwise devoted53 house from demolition54, I believe youwould make her prouder and better pleased with herself than I--though my eminent55 name is Jarndyce--could do in a lifetime."I have no doubt he knew there would be something in the simpleimage of the poor afflicted56 creature that would fall like a gentlelesson on my mind at that time. I felt it as he spoke57 to me. Icould not tell him heartily enough how ready I was to receive her.
I had always pitied her, never so much as now. I had always beenglad of my little power to soothe58 her under her calamity59, butnever, never, half so glad before.
We arranged a time for Miss Flite to come out by the coach andshare my early dinner. When my guardian left me, I turned my faceaway upon my couch and prayed to be forgiven if I, surrounded bysuch blessings60, had magnified to myself the little trial that I hadto undergo. The childish prayer of that old birthday when I hadaspired to be industrious62, contented63, and true-hearted and to dogood to some one and win some love to myself if I could came backinto my mind with a reproachful sense of all the happiness I hadsince enjoyed and all the affectionate hearts that had been turnedtowards me. If I were weak now, what had I profited by thosemercies? I repeated the old childish prayer in its old childishwords and found that its old peace had not departed from it.
My guardian now came every day. In a week or so more I could walkabout our rooms and hold long talks with Ada from behind thewindow-curtain. Yet I never saw her, for I had not as yet thecourage to look at the dear face, though I could have done soeasily without her seeing me.
On the appointed day Miss Flite arrived. The poor little creatureran into my room quite forgetful of her usual dignity, and cryingfrom her very heart of hearts, "My dear Fitz Jarndyce!" fell uponmy neck and kissed me twenty times.
"Dear me!" said she, putting her hand into her reticule, "I havenothing here but documents, my dear Fitz Jarndyce; I must borrow apocket handkerchief."Charley gave her one, and the good creature certainly made use ofit, for she held it to her eyes with both hands and sat so,shedding tears for the next ten minutes.
"With pleasure, my dear Fitz Jarndyce," she was careful to explain.
"Not the least pain. Pleasure to see you well again. Pleasure athaving the honour of being admitted to see you. I am so muchfonder of you, my love, than of the Chancellor64. Though I DO attendcourt regularly. By the by, my dear, mentioning pockethandkerchiefs--"Miss Flite here looked at Charley, who had been to meet her at theplace where the coach stopped. Charley glanced at me and lookedunwilling to pursue the suggestion.
"Ve-ry right!" said Miss Flite, "Ve-ry correct. Truly! Highlyindiscreet of me to mention it; but my dear Miss Fitz Jarndyce, Iam afraid I am at times (between ourselves, you wouldn't think it)a little--rambling65 you know," said Miss Flite, touching66 herforehead. "Nothing more,""What were you going to tell me?" said I, smiling, for I saw shewanted to go on. "You have roused my curiosity, and now you mustgratify it."Miss Flite looked at Charley for advice in this important crisis,who said, "If you please, ma'am, you had better tell then," andtherein gratified Miss Flite beyond measure.
"So sagacious, our young friend," said she to me in her mysteriousway. "Diminutive67. But ve-ry sagacious! Well, my dear, it's apretty anecdote68. Nothing more. Still I think it charming. Whoshould follow us down the road from the coach, my dear, but a poorperson in a very ungenteel bonnet--""Jenny, if you please, miss," said Charley.
"Just so!" Miss Flite acquiesced69 with the greatest suavity70.
"Jenny. Ye-es! And what does she tell our young friend but thatthere has been a lady with a veil inquiring at her cottage after mydear Fitz Jarndyce's health and taking a handkerchief away with heras a little keepsake merely because it was my amiable71 FitzJarndyce's! Now, you know, so very prepossessing in the lady withthe veil!""If you please, miss," said Charley, to whom I looked in someastonishment, "Jenny says that when her baby died, you left ahandkerchief there, and that she put it away and kept it with thebaby's little things. I think, if you please, partly because itwas yours, miss, and partly because it had covered the baby.""Diminutive," whispered Miss Flite, making a variety of motionsabout her own forehead to express intellect in Charley. "But ex-ceedingly sagacious! And so dear! My love, she's clearer than anycounsel I ever heard!""Yes, Charley," I returned. "I remember it. Well?""Well, miss," said Charley, "and that's the handkerchief the ladytook. And Jenny wants you to know that she wouldn't have made awaywith it herself for a heap of money but that the lady took it andleft some money instead. Jenny don't know her at all, if youplease, miss!""Why, who can she be?" said I.
"My love," Miss Flite suggested, advancing her lips to my ear withher most mysterious look, "in MY opinion--don't mention this to ourdiminutive friend--she's the Lord Chancellor's wife. He's married,you know. And I understand she leads him a terrible life. Throwshis lordship's papers into the fire, my dear, if he won't pay thejeweller!"I did not think very much about this lady then, for I had animpression that it might be Caddy. Besides, my attention wasdiverted by my visitor, who was cold after her ride and lookedhungry and who, our dinner being brought in, required some littleassistance in arraying herself with great satisfaction in apitiable old scarf and a much-worn and often-mended pair of gloves,which she had brought down in a paper parcel. I had to preside,too, over the entertainment, consisting of a dish of fish, a roastfowl, a sweetbread, vegetables, pudding, and Madeira; and it was sopleasant to see how she enjoyed it, and with what state andceremony she did honour to it, that I was soon thinking of nothingelse.
When we had finished and had our little dessert before us,embellished by the hands of my dear, who would yield thesuperintendence of everything prepared for me to no one, Miss Flitewas so very chatty and happy that I thought I would lead her to herown history, as she was always pleased to talk about herself. Ibegan by saying "You have attended on the Lord Chancellor manyyears, Miss Flite?""Oh, many, many, many years, my dear. But I expect a judgment72.
Shortly."There was an anxiety even in her hopefulness that made me doubtfulif I had done right in approaching the subject. I thought I wouldsay no more about it.
"My father expected a judgment," said Miss Flite. "My brother. Mysister. They all expected a judgment. The same that I expect.""They are all--""Ye-es. Dead of course, my dear," said she.
As I saw she would go on, I thought it best to try to beserviceable to her by meeting the theme rather than avoiding it.
"Would it not be wiser," said I, "to expect this judgment no more?""Why, my dear," she answered promptly73, "of course it would!""And to attend the court no more?""Equally of course," said she. "Very wearing to be always inexpectation of what never comes, my dear Fitz Jarndyce! Wearing, Iassure you, to the bone!"She slightly showed me her arm, and it was fearfully thin indeed.
"But, my dear," she went on in her mysterious way, "there's adreadful attraction in the place. Hush74! Don't mention it to ourdiminutive friend when she comes in. Or it may frighten her. Withgood reason. There's a cruel attraction in the place. You CAN'Tleave it. And you MUST expect."I tried to assure her that this was not so. She heard me patientlyand smilingly, but was ready with her own answer.
"Aye, aye, aye! You think so because I am a little rambling. Ve-ry absurd, to be a little rambling, is it not? Ve-ry confusing,too. To the head. I find it so. But, my dear, I have been theremany years, and I have noticed. It's the mace75 and seal upon thetable."What could they do, did she think? I mildly asked her.
"Draw," returned Miss Flite. "Draw people on, my dear. Draw peaceout of them. Sense out of them. Good looks out of them. Goodqualities out of them. I have felt them even drawing my rest awayin the night. Cold and glittering devils!"She tapped me several times upon the arm and nodded good-humouredlyas if she were anxious I should understand that I had no cause tofear her, though she spoke so gloomily, and confided76 these awfulsecrets to me.
"Let me see," said she. "I'll tell you my own case. Before theyever drew me--before I had ever seen them--what was it I used todo? Tambourine77 playing? No. Tambour work. I and my sisterworked at tambour work. Our father and our brother had a builder'sbusiness. We all lived together. Ve-ry respectably, my dear!
First, our father was drawn--slowly. Home was drawn with him. Ina few years he was a fierce, sour, angry bankrupt without a kindword or a kind look for any one. He had been so different, FitzJarndyce. He was drawn to a debtors78' prison. There he died. Thenour brother was drawn--swiftly--to drunkenness. And rags. Anddeath. Then my sister was drawn. Hush! Never ask to what! ThenI was ill and in misery, and heard, as I had often heard before,that this was all the work of Chancery. When I got better, I wentto look at the monster. And then I found out how it was, and I wasdrawn to stay there."Having got over her own short narrative79, in the delivery of whichshe had spoken in a low, strained voice, as if the shock were freshupon her, she gradually resumed her usual air of amiableimportance.
"You don't quite credit me, my dear! Well, well! You will, someday. I am a little rambling. But I have noticed. I have seenmany new faces come, unsuspicious, within the influence of the maceand seal in these many years. As my father's came there. As mybrother's. As my sister's. As my own. I hear Conversation Kengeand the rest of them say to the new faces, 'Here's little MissFlite. Oh, you are new here; and you must come and be presented tolittle Miss Flite!' Ve-ry good. Proud I am sure to have thehonour! And we all laugh. But, Fitz Jarndyce, I know what willhappen. I know, far better than they do, when the attraction hasbegun. I know the signs, my dear. I saw them begin in Gridley.
And I saw them end. Fitz Jarndyce, my love," speaking low again,"I saw them beginning in our friend the ward42 in Jarndyce. Let someone hold him back. Or he'll be drawn to ruin.
She looked at me in silence for some moments, with her facegradually softening80 into a smile. Seeming to fear that she hadbeen too gloomy, and seeming also to lose the connexion in hermind, she said politely as she sipped81 her glass of wine, "Yes, mydear, as I was saying, I expect a judgment shortly. Then I shallrelease my birds, you know, and confer estates."I was much impressed by her allusion82 to Richard and by the sadmeaning, so sadly illustrated83 in her poor pinched form, that madeits way through all her incoherence. But happily for her, she wasquite complacent84 again now and beamed with nods and smiles.
"But, my dear," she said, gaily85, reaching another hand to put itupon mine. "You have not congratulated me on my physician.
Positively not once, yet!"I was obliged to confess that I did not quite know what she meant.
"My physician, Mr. Woodcourt, my dear, who was so exceedinglyattentive to me. Though his services were rendered quitegratuitously. Until the Day of Judgment. I mean THE judgment thatwill dissolve the spell upon me of the mace and seal.""Mr. Woodcourt is so far away, now," said I, "that I thought thetime for such congratulation was past, Miss Flite.""But, my child," she returned, "is it possible that you don't knowwhat has happened?""No," said I.
"Not what everybody has been talking of, my beloved Fitz Jarndyce!""No," said I. "You forget how long I have been here.""True! My dear, for the moment--true. I blame myself. But mymemory has been drawn out of me, with everything else, by what Imentioned. Ve-ry strong influence, is it not? Well, my dear,there has been a terrible shipwreck86 over in those East Indianseas.""Mr. Woodcourt shipwrecked!""Don't be agitated87, my dear. He is safe. An awful scene. Deathin all shapes. Hundreds of dead and dying. Fire, storm, anddarkness. Numbers of the drowning thrown upon a rock. There, andthrough it all, my dear physician was a hero. Calm and bravethrough everything. Saved many lives, never complained in hungerand thirst, wrapped naked people in his spare clothes, took thelead, showed them what to do, governed them, tended the sick,buried the dead, and brought the poor survivors88 safely off at last!
My dear, the poor emaciated89 creatures all but worshipped him. Theyfell down at his feet when they got to the land and blessed him.
The whole country rings with it. Stay! Where's my bag ofdocuments? I have got it there, and you shall read it, you shallread it!"And I DID read all the noble history, though very slowly andimperfectly then, for my eyes were so dimmed that I could not seethe90 words, and I cried so much that I was many times obliged to laydown the long account she had cut out of the newspaper. I felt sotriumphant ever to have known the man who had done such generousand gallant91 deeds, I felt such glowing exultation92 in his renown93, Iso admired and loved what he had done, that I envied the storm-wornpeople who had fallen at his feet and blessed him as theirpreserver. I could myself have kneeled down then, so far away, andblessed him in my rapture94 that he should be so truly good andbrave. I felt that no one--mother, sister, wife--could honour himmore than I. I did, indeed!
My poor little visitor made me a present of the account, and whenas the evening began to close in she rose to take her leave, lestshe should miss the coach by which she was to return, she was stillfull of the shipwreck, which I had not yet sufflciently composedmyself to understand in all its details.
"My dear," said she as she carefully folded up her scarf andgloves, "my brave physician ought to have a title bestowed uponhim. And no doubt he will. You are of that opinlon?"That he well deserved one, yes. That he would ever have one, no.
"Why not, Fitz Jarndyce?" she asked rather sharply.
I said it was not the custom in England to confer titles on mendistinguished by peaceful services, however good and great, unlessoccasionally when they consisted of the accumulation of some verylarge amount of money.
"Why, good gracious," said Miss Flite, "how can you say that?
Surely you know, my dear, that all the greatest ornaments95 ofEngland in knowledge, imagination, active humanity, and improvementof every sort are added to its nobility! Look round you, my dear,and consider. YOU must be rambling a little now, I think, if youdon't know that this is the great reason why titles will alwayslast in the land!"I am afraid she believed what she said, for there were moments whenshe was very mad indeed.
And now I must part with the little secret I have thus far tried tokeep. I had thought, sometimes, that Mr. Woodcourt loved me andthat if he had been richer he would perhaps have told me that heloved me before he went away. I had thought, sometimes, that if hehad done so, I should have been glad of it. But how much better itwas now that this had never happened! What should I have sufferedif I had had to write to him and tell him that the poor face he hadknown as mine was quite gone from me and that I freely released himfrom his bondage96 to one whom he had never seen!
Oh, it was so much better as it was! With a great pang97 mercifullyspared me, I could take back to my heart my childish prayer to beall he had so brightly shown himself; and there was nothing to beundone: no chain for me to break or for him to drag; and I couldgo, please God, my lowly way along the path of duty, and he couldgo his nobler way upon its broader road; and though we were apartupon the journey, I might aspire61 to meet him, unselfishly,innocently, better far than he had thought me when I found somefavour in his eyes, at the journey's end.
收听单词发音 |
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tenor
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| n.男高音（歌手），次中音（乐器），要旨，大意 | |
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mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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portfolio
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| n.公事包；文件夹；大臣及部长职位 | |
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distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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colossal
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| adj.异常的，庞大的 | |
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obstruction
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| n.阻塞，堵塞；障碍物 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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beads
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| n.（空心）小珠子( bead的名词复数 )；水珠；珠子项链 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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intelligible
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| adj.可理解的，明白易懂的，清楚的 | |
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alleviate
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| v.减轻，缓和，缓解(痛苦等) | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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boundless
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| adj.无限的；无边无际的；巨大的 | |
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imploring
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| 恳求的，哀求的 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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joyful
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| adj.欢乐的，令人欢欣的 | |
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delicacies
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| n.棘手( delicacy的名词复数 )；精致；精美的食物；周到 | |
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tempt
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| vt.引诱，勾引，吸引，引起…的兴趣 | |
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sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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inflexible
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| adj.不可改变的，不受影响的，不屈服的 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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abetter
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| n.教唆者，怂恿者 | |
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warped
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| adj.反常的；乖戾的；（变）弯曲的；变形的v.弄弯，变歪( warp的过去式和过去分词 )；使（行为等）不合情理，使乖戾， | |
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perverted
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| adj.不正当的v.滥用( pervert的过去式和过去分词 )；腐蚀；败坏；使堕落 | |
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bestowed
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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benevolent
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| adj.仁慈的，乐善好施的 | |
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disinterested
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| adj.不关心的，不感兴趣的 | |
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prospered
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| 成功，兴旺( prosper的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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dame
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| n.女士 | |
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depreciated
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| v.贬值，跌价，减价( depreciate的过去式和过去分词 )；贬低，蔑视，轻视 | |
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procrastinates
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| 拖延，耽搁( procrastinate的第三人称单数 ) | |
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sanguine
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| adj.充满希望的，乐观的，血红色的 | |
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broach
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| v.开瓶，提出(题目) | |
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compassion
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| n.同情，怜悯 | |
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lodging
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| n.寄宿，住所；(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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42
ward
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| n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开 | |
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43
ardently
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| adv.热心地，热烈地 | |
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inflexibility
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| n.不屈性，顽固，不变性；不可弯曲；非挠性；刚性 | |
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ferocious
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| adj.凶猛的，残暴的，极度的，十分强烈的 | |
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vows
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| 誓言( vow的名词复数 )； 郑重宣布，许愿 | |
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47
emphatic
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| adj.强调的，着重的；无可置疑的，明显的 | |
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heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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50
waned
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| v.衰落( wane的过去式和过去分词 )；（月）亏；变小；变暗淡 | |
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51
rumour
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| n.谣言，谣传，传闻 | |
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52
conspiracy
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| n.阴谋，密谋，共谋 | |
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53
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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54
demolition
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| n.破坏,毁坏,毁坏之遗迹 | |
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eminent
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| adj.显赫的，杰出的，有名的，优良的 | |
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56
afflicted
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| 使受痛苦，折磨( afflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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57
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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58
soothe
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| v.安慰；使平静；使减轻；缓和；奉承 | |
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59
calamity
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| n.灾害，祸患，不幸事件 | |
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60
blessings
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| n.（上帝的）祝福( blessing的名词复数 )；好事；福分；因祸得福 | |
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61
aspire
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| vi.(to，after)渴望，追求，有志于 | |
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62
industrious
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| adj.勤劳的，刻苦的，奋发的 | |
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contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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64
chancellor
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| n.(英)大臣；法官；(德、奥)总理；大学校长 | |
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65
rambling
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| adj.[建]凌乱的，杂乱的 | |
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66
touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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diminutive
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| adj.小巧可爱的，小的 | |
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anecdote
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| n.轶事，趣闻，短故事 | |
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69
acquiesced
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| v.默认，默许( acquiesce的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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suavity
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| n.温和；殷勤 | |
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amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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72
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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74
hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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75
mace
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| n.狼牙棒，豆蔻干皮 | |
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76
confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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77
tambourine
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| n.铃鼓，手鼓 | |
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78
debtors
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| n.债务人，借方( debtor的名词复数 ) | |
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79
narrative
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| n.叙述，故事；adj.叙事的，故事体的 | |
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80
softening
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| 变软，软化 | |
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81
sipped
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| v.小口喝，呷，抿( sip的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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82
allusion
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| n.暗示，间接提示 | |
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83
illustrated
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| adj. 有插图的，列举的 动词illustrate的过去式和过去分词 | |
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84
complacent
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| adj.自满的；自鸣得意的 | |
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gaily
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| adv.欢乐地，高兴地 | |
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86
shipwreck
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| n.船舶失事，海难 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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survivors
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| 幸存者，残存者，生还者( survivor的名词复数 ) | |
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emaciated
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| adj.衰弱的，消瘦的 | |
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90
seethe
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| vi.拥挤，云集；发怒，激动，骚动 | |
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gallant
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| adj.英勇的，豪侠的；(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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exultation
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| n.狂喜，得意 | |
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renown
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| n.声誉，名望 | |
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94
rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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95
ornaments
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| n.装饰( ornament的名词复数 )；点缀；装饰品；首饰v.装饰，点缀，美化( ornament的第三人称单数 ) | |
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96
bondage
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| n.奴役，束缚 | |
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pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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