JUDE'S reverie was interrupted by the creak of footsteps ascending1 the stairs.
He whisked Sue's clothing from the chair where it was drying, thrust it under the bed, and sat down to his book. Somebody knocked and opened the door immediately. It was the landlady2.
"Oh, I didn't know whether you was in or not, Mr. Fawley. I wanted to know if you would require supper. I see you've a young gentleman----"
"Yes, ma'am. But I think I won't come down to-night. Will you bring supper up on a tray, and I'll have a cup of tea as well."
It was Jude's custom to go downstairs to the kitchen, and eat his meals with the family, to save trouble. His landlady brought up the supper, however, on this occasion, and he took it from her at the door.
When she had descended3 he set the teapot on the hob, and drew out Sue's clothes anew; but they were far from dry. A thick woollen gown, he found, held a deal of water. So he hung them up again, and enlarged his fire and mused4 as the steam from the garments went up the chimney.
Suddenly she said, "Jude!"
"Yes. All right. How do you feel now?"
"Better. Quite well. Why, I fell asleep, didn't I? What time is it? Not late surely?"
"It is past ten."
"Is it really? What SHALL I do!" she said, starting up.
"Stay where you are."
"Yes; that's what I want to do. But I don't know what they would say! And what will you do?"
"I am going to sit here by the fire all night, and read. To-morrow is Sunday, and I haven't to go out anywhere. Perhaps you will be saved a severe illness by resting there. Don't be frightened. I'm all right. Look here, what I have got for you. Some supper."
When she had sat upright she breathed plaintively5 and said, "I do feel rather weak still. l thought I was well; and I ought not to be here, ought I?" But the supper fortified6 her somewhat, and when she had had some tea and had lain back again she was bright and cheerful.
The tea must have been green, or too long drawn7, for she seemed preternaturally wakeful afterwards, though Jude, who had not taken any, began to feel heavy; till her conversation fixed8 his attention.
"You called me a creature of civilization, or something, didn't you?" she said, breaking a silence. "It was very odd you should have done that."
"Why?"
"Well, because it is provokingly wrong. I am a sort of negation9 of it."
"You are very philosophical10. 'A negation' is profound talking."
"Is it? Do I strike you as being learned?" she asked, with a touch of raillery.
"No--not learned. Only you don't talk quite like a girl--well, a girl who has had no advantages."
"I have had advantages. I don't know Latin and Greek, though I know the grammars of those tongues. But I know most of the Greek and Latin classics through translations, and other books too. I read Lempriere, Catullus, Martial11, Juvenal, Lucian, Beaumont and Fletcher, Boccaccio, Scarron, De Brantame, Sterne, De Foe12, Smollett, Fielding, Shakespeare, the Bible, and other such; and found that all interest in the unwholesome part of those books ended with its mystery."
"You have read more than I," he said with a sigh. "How came you to read some of those queerer ones?"
"Well," she said thoughtfully, "it was by accident. My life has been entirely13 shaped by what people call a peculiarity14 in me. I have no fear of men, as such, nor of their books. I have mixed with them--one or two of them particularly-- almost as one of their own sex. I mean I have not felt about them as most women are taught to feel--to be on their guard against attacks on their virtue15; for no average man-- no man short of a sensual savage--will molest16 a woman by day or night, at home or abroad, unless she invites him. Until she says by a look 'Come on' he is always afraid to, and if you never say it, or look it, he never comes. However, what I was going to say is that when I was eighteen I formed a friendly intimacy17 with an undergraduate at Christminster, and he taught me a great deal, and lent me books which I should never have got hold of otherwise."
"Is your friendship broken off?"
"Oh yes. He died, poor fellow, two or three years after he had taken his degree and left Christminster."
"You saw a good deal of him, I suppose?"
"Yes. We used to go about together--on walking tours, reading tours, and things of that sort--like two men almost. He asked me to live with him, and I agreed to by letter. But when I joined him in London I found he meant a different thing from what I meant. He wanted me to be his mistress, in fact, but I wasn't in love with him--and on my saying I should go away if he didn't agree to MY plan, he did so. We shared a sitting-room18 for fifteen months; and he became a leader-writer for one of the great London dailies; till he was taken ill, and had to go abroad. He said I was breaking his heart by holding out against him so long at such close quarters; he could never have believed it of woman. I might play that game once too often, he said. He came home merely to die. His death caused a terrible remorse20 in me for my cruelty-- though I hope he died of consumption and not of me entirely. l went down to Sandbourne to his funeral, and was his only mourner. He left me a little money--because I broke his heart, I suppose. That's how men are--so much better than women!"
"Good heavens!--what did you do then?"
"Ah--now you are angry with me!" she said, a contralto note of tragedy coming suddenly into her silvery voice. "I wouldn't have told you if I had known!"
"No, I am not. Tell me all."
"Well, I invested his money, poor fellow, in a bubble scheme, and lost it. I lived about London by myself for some time, and then I returned to Christminster, as my father-- who was also in London, and had started as an art metal-worker near Long-Acre--wouldn't have me back; and I got that occupation in the artist-shop where you found me.... I said you didn't know how bad I was!"
Jude looked round upon the arm-chair and its occupant, as if to read more carefully the creature he had given shelter to. His voice trembled as he said: "However you have lived, Sue, I believe you are as innocent as you are unconventional!"
"I am not particularly innocent, as you see, now that I have
'twitched21 the robe From that blank lay-figure your fancy draped,'"
said she, with an ostensible22 sneer23, though he could hear that she was brimming with tears. "But I have never yielded myself to any lover, if that's what you mean! I have remained as I began."
"I quite believe you. But some women would not have remained as they began."
"Pehaps not. Better women would not. People say I must be cold-natured--sexless--on account of it. But I won't have it! Some of the most passionately24 erotic poets have been the most self-contained in their daily lives."
"Have you told Mr. Phillotson about this university scholar friend?"
"Yes--long ago. I have never made any secret of it to anybody."
"What did he say?"
"He did not pass any criticism--only said I was everything to him, whatever I did; and things like that."
Jude felt much depressed26; she seemed to get further and further away from him with her strange ways and curious unconsciousness of gender27.
"Aren't you REALLY vexed28 with me, dear Jude?" she suddenly asked, in a voice of such extraordinary tenderness that it hardly seemed to come from the same woman who had just told her story so lightly. "I would rather offend anybody in the world than you, I think!"
"I don't know whether I am vexed or not. I know I care very much about you!"
"I care as much for you as for anybody I ever met."
"You don't care MORE! There, I ought not to say that. Don't answer it!"
There was another long silence. He felt that she was treating him cruelly, though he could not quite say in what way. Her very helplessness seemed to make her so much stronger than he.
"I am awfully30 ignorant on general matters, although I have worked so hard," he said, to turn the subject. "I am absorbed in theology, you know. And what do you think I should be doing just about now, if you weren't here? I should be saying my evening prayers. I suppose you wouldn't like----"
"Oh no, no," she answered, "I would rather not, if you don't mind. I should seem so--such a hypocrite."
"I thought you wouldn't join, so I didn't propose it. You must remember that I hope to be a useful minister some day."
"To be ordained31, I think you said?"
"Yes."
"Then you haven't given up the idea?--I thought that perhaps you had by this time."
"Of course not. I fondly thought at first that you felt as I do about that, as you were so mixed up in Christminster Anglicanism. And Mr. Phillotson----"
"I have no respect for Christminster whatever, except, in a qualified32 degree, on its intellectual side," said Sue Bridehead earnestly. "My friend I spoke33 of took that out of me. He was the most irreligious man I ever knew, and the most moral. And intellect at Christminster is new wine in old bottles. The mediaevalism of Christminster must go, be sloughed34 off, or Christminster itself will have to go. To be sure, at times one couldn't help having a sneaking35 liking36 for the traditions of the old faith, as preserved by a section of the thinkers there in touching37 and simple sincerity38; but when I was in my saddest, rightest mind I always felt,
'O ghastly glories of saints, dead limbs of gibbeted Gods!'"...
"Sue, you are not a good friend of mine to talk like that!"
"Then I won't, dear Jude!" The emotional throat-note had come back, and she turned her face away.
"I still think Christminster has much that is glorious; though I was resentful because I couldn't get there." He spoke gently, and resisted his impulse to pique39 her on to tears.
"It is an ignorant place, except as to the townspeople, artizans, drunkards, and paupers," she said, perverse40 still at his differing from her. "THEY see life as it is, of course; but few of the people in the colleges do. You prove it in your own person. You are one of the very men Christminster was intended for when the colleges were founded; a man with a passion for learning, but no money, or opportunities, or friends. But you were elbowed off the pavement by the millionaires' sons."
"Well, I can do without what it confers. I care for something higher."
"And I for something broader, truer," she insisted. "At present intellect in Christminster is pushing one way, and religion the other; and so they stand stock-still, like two rams41 butting42 each other."
"What would Mr. Phillotson----"
"It is a place full of fetishists and ghost-seers!"
He noticed that whenever he tried to speak of the schoolmaster she turned the conversation to some generalizations43 about the offending university. Jude was extremely, morbidly44, curious about her life as Phillotson's PROTEGEE and betrothed45; yet she would not enlighten him.
"Well, that's just what I am, too," he said. "I am fearful of life, spectre-seeing always."
"But you are good and dear!" she murmured.
His heart bumped, and he made no reply.
"You are in the Tractarian stage just now, are you not?" she added, putting on flippancy46 to hide real feeling, a common trick with her. "Let me see--when was I there? In the year eighteen hundred and----"
"There's a sarcasm47 in that which is rather unpleasant to me, Sue. Now will you do what I want you to? At this time I read a chapter, and then say prayers, as I told you. Now will you concentrate your attention on any book of these you like, and sit with your back to me, and leave me to my custom? You are sure you won't join me?"
"I'll look at you."
"No. Don't tease, Sue!"
"Very well--I'll do just as you bid me, and I won't vex29 you, Jude," she replied, in the tone of a child who was going to be good for ever after, turning her back upon him accordingly. A small Bible other than the one he was using lay near her, and during his retreat she took it up, and turned over the leaves.
"Jude," she said brightly, when he had finished and come back to her; "will you let me make you a NEW New Testament48, like the one I made for myself at Christminster?"
"Oh yes. How was that made?"
"I altered my old one by cutting up all the Epistles and Gospels into separate BROCHURES, and rearranging them in chronological49 order as written, beginning the book with Thessalonians, following on with the Epistles, and putting the Gospels much further on. Then I had the volume rebound50. My university friend Mr. ---- --but never mind his name, poor boy-- said it was an excellent idea. I know that reading it afterwards made it twice as interesting as before, and twice as understandable."
"H'm!" said Jude, with a sense of sacrilege.
"And what a literary enormity this is," she said, as she glanced into the pages of Solomon's Song. "I mean the synopsis51 at the head of each chapter, explaining away the real nature of that rhapsody. You needn't be alarmed: nobody claims inspiration for the chapter headings. Indeed, many divines treat them with contempt. It seems the drollest thing to think of the four-and-twenty elders, or bishops52, or whatever number they were, sitting with long faces and writing down such stuff."
Jude looked pained. "You are quite Voltairean!" he murmured.
"Indeed? Then I won't say any more, except that people have no right to falsify the Bible! I HATE such hum-bug as could attempt to plaster over with ecclesiastical abstractions such ecstatic, natural, human love as lies in that great and passionate25 song!" Her speech had grown spirited, and almost petulant53 at his rebuke54, and her eyes moist. "I WISH I had a friend here to support me; but nobody is ever on my side!"
"But my dear Sue, my very dear Sue, I am not against you!" he said, taking her hand, and surprised at her introducing personal feeling into mere19 argument.
"Yes you are, yes you are!" she cried, turning away her face that he might not see her brimming eyes. "You are on the side of the people in the training-school--at least you seem almost to be! What I insist on is, that to explain such verses as this: 'Whither is thy beloved gone, O thou fairest among women?' by the note: 'THE CHURCH PROFESSETH HER FAITH,' is supremely55 ridiculous!"
"Well then, let it be! You make such a personal matter of everything! I am--only too inclined just now to apply the words profanely56. You know YOU are fairest among women to me, come to that!"
"But you are not to say it now!" Sue replied, her voice changing to its softest note of severity. Then their eyes met, and they shook hands like cronies in a tavern57, and Jude saw the absurdity58 of quarrelling on such a hypothetical subject, and she the silliness of crying about what was written in an old book like the Bible.
"I won't disturb your convictions--I really won't!" she went on soothingly59, for now he was rather more ruffled60 than she. "But I did want and long to ennoble some man to high aims; and when I saw you, and knew you wanted to be my comrade, I-- shall I confess it?--thought that man might be you. But you take so much tradition on trust that I don't know what to say."
"Well, dear; I suppose one must take some things on trust. Life isn't long enough to work out everything in Euclid problems before you believe it. I take Christianity."
"Well, perhaps you might take something worse."
"Indeed I might. Perhaps I have done so!" He thought of Arabella.
"I won't ask what, because we are going to be VERY nice with each other, aren't we, and never, never, vex each other any more?" She looked up trustfully, and her voice seemed trying to nestle in his breast.
"I shall always care for you!" said Jude.
"And I for you. Because you are single-hearted, and forgiving to your faulty and tiresome61 little Sue!"
He looked away, for that epicene tenderness of hers was too harrowing. Was it that which had broken the heart of the poor leader-writer; and was he to be the next one? ... But Sue was so dear! ... If he could only get over the sense of her sex, as she seemed to be able to do so easily of his, what a comrade she would make; for their difference of opinion on conjectural62 subjects only drew them closer together on matters of daily human experience. She was nearer to him than any other woman he had ever met, and he could scarcely believe that time, creed63, or absence, would ever divide him from her.
But his grief at her incredulities returned. They sat on till she fell asleep again, and he nodded in his chair likewise. Whenever he aroused himself he turned her things, and made up the fire anew. About six o'clock he awoke completely, and lighting64 a candle, found that her clothes were dry. Her chair being a far more comfortable one than his she still slept on inside his great-coat, looking warm as a new bun and boyish as a Ganymede. Placing the garments by her and touching her on the shoulder he went downstairs, and washed himself by starlight in the yard.
一阵嘎吱嘎吱上楼声打断了裘德的遐想。
他赶紧把放在椅子上烘的苏的衣服拽下来，往床底下一塞，然后坐到椅子上，装出看书的样子。有人敲了敲门，跟着门就开了。来人是房东太太。
“福来先生，我不知道你在不在家。我想问一下你吃不吃晚饭。我看你这儿有位年轻先生嘛——”
“是啊，太太。我今儿晚上不打算下去啦。好不好请你拿个盘子把晚饭端上来。我还要杯茶。”
按裘德平日习惯，为图省事，他该下楼跟房东一家一块儿吃饭。不过房东太太还是把晚饭端上楼，他在门口接过来。
她下去之后，他就把茶壶搁在炉边支架上，又把苏的衣服从床下拽出来；但是衣服离干了还老远呢。他摸摸厚呢长袍，觉着还是水渍渍的，又把衣服都挂起来，把火升旺，水蒸气就往烟囱里冒，他在一边默默想着。
突然她说，“裘德呀！”
“哎。我在这儿。你觉着怎么样？”
“好多啦，全好啦。哎，我睡着了，对吧？什么时候啦？还不怎么晚吧？”
“十点多啦。”
“真的吗？那我该怎么办哪！”她说，一下子站起来。
“你还是呆在这儿吧。”
“好吧；我就想这样儿。可不知道别人会怎么嚼舌根呢！那你怎么办哪？”
“我要一夜坐在炉子边看书。明天是礼拜天，我哪儿也不用去。你就在那儿好好休息吧，大概生不了大病啦。用不着大惊小怪的。我这样好得很。你瞧这儿，是我弄来的东西，是点晚饭。”
她坐直了，呼吸还不大自然，就说，“我觉着人还是怪软的，刚才还当是好了。我不应该在这儿呆下去，对不对？”但是晚饭给她添了劲，她喝了点茶，又往后一靠，心情这会儿开朗了，人也透着精神了。
她喝的茶一定是绿茶，要么就是泡得太久了，因为她后来精神显得足得不得了；但裘德一点茶没喝，开始困得很厉害，她一说话才把他的注意力拉回来。
“你说我是个文明的产物，还是什么的，对不对？”她说，打破了沉默。“亏你这么说，真是驴唇不对马嘴。”
“为什么？”
“哎，就因为你根本说错了呗，错得叫人气啊。我该是文明的对立面。”
“你可是哲学意味深长啊，‘对立面’这个提法够深奥的。”
“是吗？那你是不是觉得我学问高深呢？”她问，带着取笑的意思。
“不是——你不是学问高深。倒是你的谈吐不像出自一个姑娘之口——哦，不像出自一个浅薄无知的姑娘之口。”
“我可真有点学问底子呢。我固然不懂拉丁文和希腊文，可懂希腊义和拉丁文文法。不过我是靠英文译本看了大部分希腊文和拉丁文的经典著作，也看过别的书。我看过兰普里耶、加特卢斯、马夏勒、朱文纳尔、卢西昂、毕蒙和弗来彻、薄伽丘、斯卡隆、德·勃朗托姆，还有斯特恩、笛福、斯摩勒特、菲尔丁、莎士比亚、《圣经》，等等，等等。我意想不到的是，这些书凡是蛊惑人心的地方全都引人入胜，最后总叫人生出神秘感。”
“你看得可比我多啊，”他叹了口气说，“在那些希奇古怪的书里头，你居然看了好几本，又是怎么回事呢？”
“哎，”她说，显出来有心事的样子，“那就出乎偶然啦。人家说我怪僻乖张，我这人生来是这么捏成的。我才不怕男人哪，因为这样，我也就不怕他们作的书。我跟他们搅和在一块儿——特别是其中一两个，跟男的简直没两样。我这是说，大多数女人从小受家教，就学到了那一套，什么老要提防着，别让人糟踏了贞操呀，我对男人的看法可跟这不一样。因为，不说只管泄欲的野蛮人吧，一般的男人，她要是不先招惹他，哪个也不会白天黑日里、家里头外边，老纠缠她。要是她那个样儿不像说‘来吧’，那他是绝不敢上来冒犯。要是她压根儿没说，也没露相，他就压根儿不会来。不过我这会儿想说的是我十八岁那会儿的事儿。我那会儿在基督堂，跟个大学生交上朋友，还挺亲密的，他教了我好多好多东西，借书给我看，要不然的话，我就压根儿没碰过它们。”
“你们的友谊吹啦？”
“是啊。他拿到学位之后，就离开基督堂，过了两三年就死啦，这家伙可怜哪。”
“我看你们是常来常往喽？”
“是这样。我们俩老一块儿出去转——徒步旅行呀，看书探奇呀什么的，跟两个男的在一块儿简直没两样。他要我跟他住到一块儿，我也就写信答应啦。不过等我到了伦敦，跟他到了一块儿，才闹明白他的意思跟我的是两码事。实际上，他要我当他的情妇，可我一点不爱他。我就说，他要是不赞成我的计划，我只好走啦，这一来他就依我的啦。我们俩有十五个月共用一间起坐室、他在伦敦一家大报当社论撰稿人，后来病了，只好出国治病。他说咱们俩的屋子靠得这么紧，过了这么久，我没完没了跟他别扭着，把他心都弄碎了；他真不信女人会这么个样儿。他说我要是玩惯了这套把戏，以后有得后悔呢。后来他回国了，就是为死在故上上。他这一死叫我觉得自己真残酷。虽说我希望他完全是害肺痨死的，不是为我的缘故，我还是后悔得要死。我到沙庄去看他下葬，就我这么一个送葬。他给我留了点钱——我想是因为我让他心碎了吧。男子汉就是这个样儿啊——比女人强得多啦！”
“天哪！瞧你怎么干得出来哟？”
“啊，你生我的气，是不是！”她说，她那银铃般声音突然搀进了悲怆的女低音。“要是我知道你这样，我才不告诉你呢！”
“我没生气。都告诉我吧。”
“唉，可怜的人哪，我把他的钱一起投进了一家皮包公司，全都赔光啦。我一个人在伦敦住了些时候，然后回到基督堂。因为我爸爸那会儿也在伦敦，在长开地开了个五金工艺店，他不容我再到他那儿，所以我就在基督堂那家圣器店找了个事做，你就是在那儿找着我的……我所以说你不知道我够多坏！”
裘德对着那张安乐椅和椅上坐着的苏看来看去，好像要更加仔细地把他庇护起来的这个宝贝看清楚。他声音发抖地说：“苏啊，不管你至今日子怎么过来的，我既相信你脱弃凡俗，也相信你纯真无暇。”
“我可不像你说的那么纯真无假；既然我已经
把那空心大老官身上
你用幻觉披上的袍子扯光！”
她说。虽然她强作不屑，但他已经听得出来她眼圈湿了。“不过我绝对没委身什么情人，要是你说的纯真无瑕指这个，就对了！我起头什么样，还是什么样。”
“我完全相信。不过有些女人不会老跟先头一模一样啊。”
“也许不老是一模一样吧。好女人就不会。人家说我大概天生冷感——不解男欢女爱。我可不信这套话！情欲顶炽烈的诗人里头大多数在日常生活中就是最能检点、最能克制自己的人啊。”
“这个大学生的事，你跟费乐生先生说了没有？”
“说啦——老早说过啦。这件事，我向来不瞒谁。”
“他说什么啦。”
“他没说什么批评的话——就说了不管我干过什么，反正我是他的一切，还有诸如此类的话。”
裘德心里非常懊丧；她那样的做人方式实在稀罕，她又毫无性的意识，也实在荒诞不经，看样子，她跟他越来越不合拍了。
“亲爱的裘德，你真是没生我的气吗？”她突然问道，声音里含有平时那么难得的温柔，这怎么也不像出自那个刚才还毫不经意述说自己生活史的女人之口。“我就想，我哪怕把世上所有人都得罪了，也不愿意得罪你呀！”
“我也不知道我气不气，反正我就知道我非常关心你！”
“我关心你也跟我关心我碰上的人没两样。”
“就不对我格外关心！行啦，这话我不该说。别提这个吧！”
有好大一阵子，他们俩又相对无言。他感到她对他冷酷无情，可是怎么个冷酷无情法又完全说不上来。看来她茕茕无助的处境使她确实比他坚强多了。
“虽说我读书挺用功，可是讲到一般事物，真是无知透啦。”他说，想换个话题。“你知道，我这阵子正全神贯注在神学上。假定你没在这儿，你猜猜我这会儿该干什么？我要做晚间祈祷。我看你是不愿意——”
“不愿意，不愿意。”她答道。“你要是不介意，我就不来这个。要来，那我就——未免透着太虚伪啦。”
“我想过你不会跟我一块儿祈祷，也就没提。想必你还记得我希望有那么一天当上有益于人的牧师吧？”
“经过审定合格的，我想你指的是这个？”
“对啦。”
“这么说，这个打算你至今没放弃喽！——我也想过，时至今日，说不定你放弃啦。”
“当然没放弃。我原先以为你既然受基督堂圣公会薰陶那么深，就稀里糊涂当你对这事跟我如出一辙呢。况且费乐生先生——”
“我对基督堂绝对没一丝一毫敬意，对那儿的治学方面倒还有点，不过程度也有限。”苏·柏瑞和说这话态度很认真。“我那位朋友把我心里对它的敬重之念一扫而光啦。他是我见过的人里头反宗教反得顶彻底的，为人的道德也是顶高尚的。在基督堂，聪明才智好比是新酒装进了旧皮囊。基督堂的中世纪传统得彻底垮掉才行，得把它摔到垃圾箱里头，要不然基督堂本身非彻底垮掉不可。不错，那儿是有一帮子思想家的确怀着单纯而感人的诚心把古老信仰的传统保存下来了，也难怪人们时时对这东西恋恋不舍，但我在心情最愁闷，也最严肃的时候，总感到
‘圣者头上阴森森的荣光，无非绞死了的诸神的残骸枯骨！’”
“苏啊，你说这样的话可算不得我的朋友啦！”
“那我就别当好啦，亲爱的裘德呀！”她的感情激昂的喉音又恢复了，脸也扭到一边去了。
“我因为进不了基督堂，固然心里愤慨，我还是认为它有好多地方光芒万丈。”他话说得很宛转，遏制住自己想逼她掉眼泪的那股冲动。
“那是个纯然愚昧无知的地方，可是对市民、手艺人、醉鬼和穷光蛋就不好这么说了。”她说，因为他不肯附和，所以依然很任性。“他们眼里的生活是实打实的生活，绝对是这样；可是在那些学院里头就没什么人做得到。你不是就在自个儿身上证明了这一点吗？当年创办那些学院的时候，基督堂原想招的就是你这样的人，满怀热情、有志于学问的人，没钱、没机会、没朋友，结果怎样呢，百万富翁的子孙把你给挤到圈子外头去啦。”
“哎，没基督堂抬举，我还是能照干哪。我关心的是更高尚的东西啊。”
“我呢，关心的是更广泛、更实在的东西。”她一着不让。“这会儿，在基督堂，真才实学坚持走的是一条路，宗教走的是另一条路；两方面僵在那儿，大眼瞪小眼，好比两只公羊的犄角顶到一块儿。”
“费乐生先生该怎么——”
“那地方净是烧香拜神跟见神见鬼的人哪。”
他注意到他一想法提到小学老师，她就把话头转到那个叫人恼火的大学身上，说些不着边际的东西。裘德由于自己病态心理作祟，对她这受费乐生监护的人，他的未婚妻怎么个过法极想探明个究竟；但是她对他一点也没启发。
“哎，我也就是那样的人哪。”他说。“我就是怕实打实的生活，老是见神见鬼的。”
“不过你是又善良又可亲呀！”
他的心怦怦直跳，没回答什么。
“你这会儿还没脱讲册派窠臼哪，不是吗？”她又添上这句话，还故意装得轻率无礼来掩饰真正的感情，这是她常爱玩的一手。“我想想——我这是呆在哪儿，是哪一年？——一千八百——”
“苏呀，你这话是挖苦人呢，叫我很不舒服啊。我要你做的事，你做不做？我跟你说过了，这会儿我都是诵经一章，然后祈祷，现在你就随便找本爱看的书，把注意力集中到上边，背对我坐着，让我按我的习惯做，行吧？你真不跟我一块儿祈祷？”
“我要瞧着你。”
“不行。苏，别拿我开心好吧！”
“好，好，你怎么想，我怎么办，行吧，裘德，我不气你。”她答道，口气就跟小孩子表示今后永远变得乖乖听话的时候那样，接着转过身去，背对着他。除了他正用的《圣经》，还有个缩印本放在她旁边；他静修中间，她把它拿起来，一页一页翻。
裘德做完祈祷，回到她身边。“裘德呀，”她兴高采烈地说，“我给你做本新《新约》，你愿意不愿意，就跟我在基督堂时候做的那本一模一样？”
“哦，行啊。怎么做呢？”
“我先把我那个旧本子的《使徒书》和《福音》都剪开，分成一本一本的，再按它们的写作年代顺序排好，先让《帖撒罗尼迦前书》和《后书》打头，接下来是各部《使徒书》，《福音》排到顶后面。然后就把它装订起来，成了一本。我那位大学生朋友——不提他的名宇啦，可怜的小子啊——说这个主意才妙不可言呢。我知道以后再读《圣经》，就比以前加倍有意思了，比以前加倍地容易懂了。”
“哼！”裘德说，觉得这样做真是亵渎神明。
“你再看它在文学方面造了多大孽啊，”她一边随便翻着《雅歌》，一边说，“我指的是每一章前边提要的内容，经它这么一解释，整部叙事诗的性质全给阔割啦。你用不着这么惊慌失措，一听说有人不赞成每一章提要的神来之笔，就吓得浑身冒汗。说实在的，好多造诣高深的神职人员都看不起这种东西。一想到有二十四位长老，坐在那儿，道貌岸然、装腔作势地写下来这么一大堆废话，简直叫人笑掉了大牙啦！”
裘德露出了难过的样子。“你真是个地道的伏尔泰派！”他嘟嘟囔囔的。
“真的？要是任何人都没权利证明《圣经》里头有假货，那我就什么也不说吧！那些骗子手妄图用教会的名义，把隐藏在伟大而富于激情的诗歌中的热烈而自然的人类爱情肆意抹黑，我恨透了！”她的话变得那么奔放有力，简直是对他的讥刺的怒斥，她的眼睛湿了。“我但愿这儿有个朋友支持我；可是没人站在我一边！”
“我的亲爱的苏呀，我的顶亲爱的苏呀，我可没反对你啊！”他说，把她的手拉起来，对于她仅仅为说明自己的论点也大动感情，未免吃惊。
“你就是反对，你就是反对！”她大声说，扭开脸，不让他看见她热泪盈眶。“你就站在进修学校那帮人一边啊——至少看起来是这样！我始终坚持的是，凡是把这样的诗句：‘啊！你这女子中极美丽的，你的良人转向何处去了。’硬加个注，硬说成‘教会申明其信仰’，不都是十二万分的可笑吗？”
“好啦，就到此为止吧！你瞧你把什么事都跟自个儿的感情联上啦！我是——这会儿只不过太一边倒，亵渎的话说不出口啊！说实话，你就是我的女子中极美丽的哟！”
“可你这会儿先别这么说吧！”苏回答说，她的声音在严厉中一变而为万种温柔。接着他们的目光不期而遇，握起手来，犹如酒馆里边的老朋友那样。裘德深感对这样游谈无根的问题争得面红耳赤，未免大荒唐，而她呢，也明白为了《圣经》这类古书里的东西搞得声泪俱下，未免太愚蠢。
“我并不想扰乱你的信念——我的确不想这么干！”她继续用抚慰的口气说，因为他显得比她还心烦意乱。“不过我的确希望过，渴求过，能促成某个人胸怀高尚的理想，追求远大的目标；我当初一瞧见你，就知道你想要做我的同志，我——我还是干脆说明白好吧？——我当时就想你这个人大概就是的。可是你对许许多多传统的东西抱着深信不疑的态度，我也就没得可说啦。”
“哎，亲爱的；我以为，人要是没什么东西深信不疑，那就不成了。生命那么短促，你哪能先把欧几里德列出来的所有命题逐一证明之后才相信它们呢。我对基督教是深信不疑的。”
“哎，也许还有比这更坏的东西，你也深信不疑吧？”
“我的确会这样。也许我已经对更坏的东西深信不疑过啦！”他想到了阿拉贝拉。
“这我不想问你个究竟，因为咱们两个是你对我非常够意思，我对你也这样，对不对？咱们以后永远不、永远不你气我，我恼你，是吧？”她带着信任的态度抬起头望着他，仿佛要尽量让她的声音逗留在他胸窝里。
“我要永远关心你！”裘德说。
“我也要永远关心你。因为你是心眼儿单纯、诚实，压根儿不计较你那个毛病多、讨人嫌的小苏苏啊。”
她往旁边看，因为她那样娇痴、柔媚，实在叫人心旌摇摇，把持不住自己。难道那位可怜的社论撰稿人就是因为她这样才心碎吗？下一个是不是该轮到他呢。……可是苏够多么可亲可爱啊！如果他也能像她那样轻易不以他是男人为意，而他也不拿她当女人看待，那么她必定成为他的志同道合的伙伴，因为他们虽然对那类空泛无当的问题意见不一，但是他们各自的人生体验却使他们的关系更为贴近了。在他以往认识的女人当中，哪一个也不像她跟他那么亲。他坚信：从今以后，纵使岁月无情，信仰有异，云山阻隔，天各一方，他的心必将永远和她同在。
不过他对她的怀疑一切的态度还是忧虑。他们坐着坐着，到后来她又睡着了，他在自己椅子上也困眼懵腾；一惊醒，就把她的衣服翻动翻动，又把火升大点。六点钟光景，他完全醒过来了，点了根蜡烛，看看她的衣服全干了。她的椅子比他的舒服得多，她裹着他的大衣睡得很沉，小脸暖融融的，宛如刚出炉的小圆面包，莹润鲜洁好似甘尼密德。他把衣服放在她旁边，轻轻拍了拍她的肩膀，然后下楼，到小院里，在星光下洗了脸。
收听单词发音 |
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ascending
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| adj.上升的，向上的 | |
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landlady
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| n.女房东，女地主 | |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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mused
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| v.沉思，冥想( muse的过去式和过去分词 )；沉思自语说（某事） | |
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plaintively
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| adv.悲哀地，哀怨地 | |
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fortified
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| adj. 加强的 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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negation
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| n.否定；否认 | |
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philosophical
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| adj.哲学家的，哲学上的，达观的 | |
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martial
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| adj.战争的，军事的，尚武的，威武的 | |
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foe
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| n.敌人，仇敌 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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peculiarity
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| n.独特性，特色；特殊的东西；怪癖 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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molest
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| vt.骚扰，干扰，调戏 | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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sitting-room
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| n.（BrE）客厅，起居室 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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twitched
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| vt.& vi.（使）抽动，（使）颤动（twitch的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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ostensible
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| adj.(指理由)表面的，假装的 | |
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sneer
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| v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语 | |
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passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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gender
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| n.（生理上的）性，（名词、代词等的）性 | |
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vexed
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| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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vex
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| vt.使烦恼，使苦恼 | |
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awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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ordained
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| v.任命（某人）为牧师( ordain的过去式和过去分词 )；授予（某人）圣职；（上帝、法律等）命令；判定 | |
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qualified
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| adj.合格的，有资格的，胜任的，有限制的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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sloughed
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| v.使蜕下或脱落( slough的过去式和过去分词 )；舍弃；除掉；摒弃 | |
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sneaking
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| a.秘密的，不公开的 | |
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liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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pique
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| v.伤害…的自尊心，使生气 n.不满，生气 | |
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perverse
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| adj.刚愎的；坚持错误的，行为反常的 | |
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rams
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| n.公羊( ram的名词复数 )；(R-)白羊（星）座；夯；攻城槌v.夯实（土等）( ram的第三人称单数 )；猛撞；猛压；反复灌输 | |
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butting
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| 用头撞人（犯规动作） | |
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generalizations
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| 一般化( generalization的名词复数 )； 普通化； 归纳； 概论 | |
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morbidly
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| adv.病态地 | |
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betrothed
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| n. 已订婚者 动词betroth的过去式和过去分词 | |
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flippancy
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| n.轻率；浮躁；无礼的行动 | |
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sarcasm
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| n.讥讽，讽刺，嘲弄，反话 （adj.sarcastic） | |
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testament
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| n.遗嘱；证明 | |
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chronological
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| adj.按年月顺序排列的，年代学的 | |
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rebound
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| v.弹回；n.弹回，跳回 | |
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51
synopsis
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| n.提要，梗概 | |
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52
bishops
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| （基督教某些教派管辖大教区的）主教( bishop的名词复数 )； （国际象棋的）象 | |
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petulant
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| adj.性急的，暴躁的 | |
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rebuke
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| v.指责，非难，斥责 [反]praise | |
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supremely
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| adv.无上地，崇高地 | |
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profanely
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| adv.渎神地，凡俗地 | |
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57
tavern
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| n.小旅馆，客栈；小酒店 | |
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58
absurdity
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| n.荒谬，愚蠢；谬论 | |
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soothingly
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| adv.抚慰地，安慰地；镇痛地 | |
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60
ruffled
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| adj. 有褶饰边的, 起皱的 动词ruffle的过去式和过去分词 | |
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61
tiresome
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| adj.令人疲劳的，令人厌倦的 | |
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conjectural
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| adj.推测的 | |
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creed
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| n.信条；信念，纲领 | |
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lighting
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| n.照明，光线的明暗，舞台灯光 | |
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