FOUR-AND-TWENTY hours before this time Sue had written the following note to Jude:
It is as I told you; and I am leaving to-morrow evening. Richard and I thought it could be done with less obtrusiveness1 after dark. I feel rather frightened, and therefore ask you to be sure you are on the Melchester platform to meet me. I arrive at a little to seven. I know you will, of course, dear Jude; but I feel so timid that I can't help begging you to be punctual. He has been so VERY kind to me through it all!
Now to our meeting! S.
As she was carried by the omnibus farther and farther down from the mountain town--the single passenger that evening-- she regarded the receding2 road with a sad face. But no hesitation3 was apparent therein.
The up-train by which she was departing stopped by signal only. To Sue it seemed strange that such a powerful organization as a railway train should be brought to a stand-still on purpose for her-- a fugitive4 from her lawful5 home.
The twenty minutes' journey drew towards its close, and Sue began gathering6 her things together to alight. At the moment that the train came to a stand-still by the Melchester platform a hand was laid on the door and she beheld7 Jude. He entered the compartment8 promptly9. He had a black bag in his hand, and was dressed in the dark suit he wore on Sundays and in the evening after work. Altogether he looked a very handsome young fellow, his ardent10 affection for her burning in his eyes.
"Oh Jude!" She clasped his hand with both hers, and her tense state caused her to simmer over in a little succession of dry sobs11. "I--I am so glad! I get out here?"
"No. I get in, dear one! I've packed. Besides this bag I've only a big box which is labelled."
"But don't I get out? Aren't we going to stay here?"
"We couldn't possibly, don't you see. We are known here--I, at any rate, am well known. I've booked for Aldbrickham; and here's your ticket for the same place, as you have only one to here."
"I thought we should have stayed here," she repeated.
"It wouldn't have done at all."
"Ah! Perhaps not."
"There wasn't time for me to write and say the place I had decided12 on. Aldbrickham is a much bigger town--sixty or seventy thousand inhabitants-- and nobody knows anything about us there."
"And you have given up your cathedral work here?"
"Yes. It was rather sudden--your message coming unexpectedly. Strictly13, I might have been made to finish out the week. But I pleaded urgency and I was let off. I would have deserted14 any day at your command, dear Sue. I have deserted more than that for you!"
"I fear I am doing you a lot of harm. Ruining your prospects15 of the Church; ruining your progress in your trade; everything!"
"The Church is no more to me. Let it lie! I am not to be one of
The soldier-saints who, row on row, Burn upward each to his point of bliss16,
if any such there be! My point of bliss is not upward, but here."
"Oh I seem so bad--upsetting men's courses like this!" said she, taking up in her voice the emotion that had begun in his. But she recovered her equanimity17 by the time they had travelled a dozen miles.
"He has been so good in letting me go," she resumed. "And here's a note I found on my dressing-table, addressed to you."
"Yes. He's not an unworthy fellow," said Jude, glancing at the note. "And I am ashamed of myself for hating him because he married you."
"According to the rule of women's whims18 I suppose I ought to suddenly love him, because he has let me go so generously and unexpectedly," she answered smiling. "But I am so cold, or devoid19 of gratitude20, or so something, that even this generosity21 hasn't made me love him, or repent22, or want to stay with him as his wife; although I do feel I like his large-mindedness, and respect him more than ever."
"It may not work so well for us as if he had been less kind, and you had run away against his will," murmured Jude.
"That I NEVER would have done."
Jude's eyes rested musingly23 on her face. Then he suddenly kissed her; and was going to kiss her again. "No--only once now--please, Jude!"
"That's rather cruel," he answered; but acquiesced24. "Such a strange thing has happened to me," Jude continued after a silence. "Arabella has actually written to ask me to get a divorce from her-- in kindness to her, she says. She wants to honestly and legally marry that man she has already married virtually; and begs me to enable her to do it."
"What have you done?"
"I have agreed. I thought at first I couldn't do it without getting her into trouble about that second marriage, and I don't want to injure her in any way. Perhaps she's no worse than I am, after all! But nobody knows about it over here, and I find it will not be a difficult proceeding25 at all. If she wants to start afresh I have only too obvious reasons for not hindering her."
"Then you'll be free?"
"Yes, I shall be free."
"Where are we booked for?" she asked, with the discontinuity that marked her to-night.
"Aldbrickham, as I said."
"But it will be very late when we get there?"
"Yes. I thought of that, and I wired for a room for us at the Temperance Hotel there."
"One?"
"Yes--one."
She looked at him. "Oh Jude!" Sue bent26 her forehead against the corner of the compartment. "I thought you might do it; and that I was deceiving you. But I didn't mean that!"
In the pause which followed, Jude's eyes fixed27 themselves with a stultified28 expression on the opposite seat. "Well!" he said.... "Well!"
He remained in silence; and seeing how discomfited29 he was she put her face against his cheek, murmuring, "Don't be vexed30, dear!"
"Oh--there's no harm done," he said. "But--I understood it like that.... Is this a sudden change of mind?"
"You have no right to ask me such a question; and I shan't answer!" she said, smiling.
"My dear one, your happiness is more to me than anything-- although we seem to verge31 on quarrelling so often!-- and your will is law to me. I am something more than a mere-- selfish fellow, I hope. Have it as you wish!" On reflection his brow showed perplexity. "But perhaps it is that you don't love me--not that you have become conventional! Much as, under your teaching, I hate convention, I hope it IS that, not the other terrible alternative!"
Even at this obvious moment for candour Sue could not be quite candid32 as to the state of that mystery, her heart. "Put it down to my timidity," she said with hurried evasiveness; "to a woman's natural timidity when the crisis comes. I may feel as well as you that I have a perfect right to live with you as you thought--from this moment. I may hold the opinion that, in a proper state of society, the father of a woman's child will be as much a private matter of hers as the cut of her underlinen, on whom nobody will have any right to question her. But partly, perhaps, because it is by his generosity that I am now free, I would rather not be other than a little rigid33. If there had been a rope-ladder, and he had run after us with pistols, it would have seemed different, and I may have acted otherwise. But don't press me and criticize me, Jude! Assume that I haven't the courage of my opinions. I know I am a poor miserable34 creature. My nature is not so passionate35 as yours!"
He repeated simply! "I thought--what I naturally thought. But if we are not lovers, we are not. Phillotson thought so, I am sure. See, here is what he has written to me." He opened the letter she had brought, and read:
"I make only one condition--that you are tender and kind to her. I know you love her. But even love may be cruel at times. You are made for each other: it is obvious, palpable, to any unbiased older person. You were all along 'the shadowy third' in my short life with her. I repeat, take care of Sue."
"He's a good fellow, isn't he!" she said with latent tears. On reconsideration she added, "He was very resigned to letting me go-- too resigned almost! I never was so near being in love with him as when he made such thoughtful arrangements for my being comfortable on my journey, and offering to provide money. Yet I was not. If I loved him ever so little as a wife, I'd go back to him even now."
"But you don't, do you?"
"It is true--oh so terribly true!--I don't."
"Nor me neither, I half-fear!" he said pettishly36. "Nor anybody perhaps! Sue, sometimes, when I am vexed with you, I think you are incapable37 of real love."
"That's not good and loyal of you!" she said, and drawing away from him as far as she could, looked severely38 out into the darkness. She added in hurt tones, without turning round: "My liking39 for you is not as some women's perhaps. But it is a delight in being with you, of a supremely40 delicate kind, and I don't want to go further and risk it by--an attempt to intensify41 it! I quite realized that, as woman with man, it was a risk to come. But, as me with you, I resolved to trust you to set my wishes above your gratification. Don't discuss it further, dear Jude!"
"Of course, if it would make you reproach yourself ... but you do like me very much, Sue? Say you do! Say that you do a quarter, a tenth, as much as I do you, and I'll be content!"
"I've let you kiss me, and that tells enough."
"Just once or so!"
"Well--don't be a greedy boy."
He leant back, and did not look at her for a long time. That episode in her past history of which she had told him-- of the poor Christminster graduate whom she had handled thus, returned to Jude's mind; and he saw himself as a possible second in such a torturing destiny.
"This is a queer elopement!" he murmured. "Perhaps you are making a cat's paw of me with Phillotson all this time. Upon my word it almost seems so--to see you sitting up there so prim42!"
"Now you mustn't be angry--I won't let you!" she coaxed43, turning and moving nearer to him. "You did kiss me just now, you know; and I didn't dislike you to, I own it, Jude. Only I don't want to let you do it again, just yet--considering how we are circumstanced, don't you see!"
He could never resist her when she pleaded (as she well knew). And they sat side by side with joined hands, till she aroused herself at some thought.
"I can't possibly go to that Temperance Inn, after your telegraphing that message!"
"Why not?"
"You can see well enough!"
"Very well; there'll be some other one open, no doubt. I have sometimes thought, since your marrying Phillotson because of a stupid scandal, that under the affectation of independent views you are as enslaved to the social code as any woman I know!"
"Not mentally. But I haven't the courage of my views, as I said before. I didn't marry him altogether because of the scandal. But sometimes a woman's LOVE OF BEING LOVED gets the better of her conscience, and though she is agonized44 at the thought of treating a man cruelly, she encourages him to love her while she doesn't love him at all. Then, when she sees him suffering, her remorse45 sets in, and she does what she can to repair the wrong."
"You simply mean that you flirted46 outrageously47 with him, poor old chap, and then repented48, and to make reparation, married him, though you tortured yourself to death by doing it."
"Well--if you will put it brutally49!--it was a little like that-- that and the scandal together--and your concealing50 from me what you ought to have told me before!"
He could see that she was distressed51 and tearful at his criticisms, and soothed52 her, saying: "There, dear; don't mind! Crucify me, if you will! You know you are all the world to me, whatever you do!"
"I am very bad and unprincipled--I know you think that!" she said, trying to blink away her tears.
"I think and know you are my dear Sue, from whom neither length nor breadth, nor things present nor things to come, can divide me!"
Though so sophisticated in many things she was such a child in others that this satisfied her, and they reached the end of their journey on the best of terms. It was about ten o'clock when they arrived at Aldbrickham, the county town of North Wessex. As she would not go to the Temperance Hotel because of the form of his telegram, Jude inquired for another; and a youth who volunteered to find one wheeled their luggage to the George farther on, which proved to be the inn at which Jude had stayed with Arabella on that one occasion of their meeting after their division for years.
Owing, however, to their now entering it by another door, and to his preoccupation, he did not at first recognize the place. When they had engaged their respective rooms they went down to a late supper. During Jude's temporary absence the waiting-maid spoke53 to Sue.
"I think, ma'am, I remember your relation, or friend, or whatever he is, coming here once before--late, just like this, with his wife--a lady, at any rate, that wasn't you by no manner of means--jest as med be with you now."
"Oh do you?" said Sue, with a certain sickness of heart. "Though I think you must be mistaken! How long ago was it?"
"About a month or two. A handsome, full-figured woman. They had this room."
When Jude came back and sat down to supper Sue seemed moping and miserable. "Jude," she said to him plaintively54, at their parting that night upon the landing, "it is not so nice and pleasant as it used to be with us! I don't like it here--I can't bear the place! And I don't like you so well as I did!"
"How fidgeted you seem, dear! Why do you change like this?"
"Because it was cruel to bring me here!"
"Why?"
"You were lately here with Arabella. There, now I have said it!"
"Dear me, why--" said Jude looking round him. "Yes--it is the same! I really didn't know it, Sue. Well--it is not cruel, since we have come as we have--two relations staying together."
"How long ago was it you were here? Tell me, tell me!"
"The day before I met you in Christminster, when we went back to Marygreen together. I told you I had met her."
"Yes, you said you had met her, but you didn't tell me all. Your story was that you had met as estranged55 people, who were not husband and wife at all in Heaven's sight-- not that you had made it up with her."
"We didn't make it up," he said sadly. "I can't explain, Sue."
"You've been false to me; you, my last hope! And I shall never forget it, never!"
"But by your own wish, dear Sue, we are only to be friends, not lovers! It is so very inconsistent of you to----"
"Friends can be jealous!"
"I don't see that. You concede nothing to me and I have to concede everything to you. After all, you were on good terms with your husband at that time."
"No, I wasn't, Jude. Oh how can you think so! And you have taken me in, even if you didn't intend to." She was so mortified56 that he was obliged to take her into her room and close the door lest the people should hear. "Was it this room? Yes it was--I see by your look it was! I won't have it for mine! Oh it was treacherous57 of you to have her again! I jumped out of the window!"
"But Sue, she was, after all, my legal wife, if not--"
Slipping down on her knees Sue buried her face in the bed and wept.
"I never knew such an unreasonable--such a dog-in-the-manger feeling," said Jude. "I am not to approach you, nor anybody else!"
"Oh don't you UNDERSTAND my feeling! Why don't you! Why are you so gross! I jumped out of the window!"
"Jumped out of window?"
"I can't explain!"
It was true that he did not understand her feelings very well. But he did a little; and began to love her none the less.
"I--I thought you cared for nobody--desired nobody in the world but me at that time--and ever since!" continued Sue.
"It is true. I did not, and don't now!" said Jude, as distressed as she.
"But you must have thought much of her! Or--"
"No--I need not--you don't understand me either--women never do! Why should you get into such a tantrum about nothing?"
Looking up from the quilt she pouted58 provokingly: "If it hadn't been for that, perhaps I would have gone on to the Temperance Hotel, after all, as you proposed; for I was beginning to think I did belong to you!"
"Oh, it is of no consequence!" said Jude distantly.
"I thought, of course, that she had never been really your wife since she left you of her own accord years and years ago! My sense of it was, that a parting such as yours from her, and mine from him, ended the marriage."
"I can't say more without speaking against her, and I don't want to do that," said he. "Yet I must tell you one thing, which would settle the matter in any case. She has married another man--really married him! I knew nothing about it till after the visit we made here."
"Married another? ... It is a crime--as the world treats it, but does not believe."
"There--now you are yourself again. Yes, it is a crime--as you don't hold, but would fearfully concede. But I shall never inform against her! And it is evidently a prick59 of conscience in her that has led her to urge me to get a divorce, that she may remarry this man legally. So you perceive I shall not be likely to see her again."
"And you didn't really know anything of this when you saw her?" said Sue more gently, as she rose.
"I did not. Considering all things, I don't think you ought to be angry, darling!"
"I am not. But I shan't go to the Temperance Hotel!"
He laughed. "Never mind!" he said. "So that I am near you, I am comparatively happy. It is more than this earthly wretch60 called Me deserves--you spirit, you disembodied creature, you dear, sweet, tantalizing61 phantom--hardly flesh at all; so that when I put my arms round you I almost expect them to pass through you as through air! Forgive me for being gross, as you call it! Remember that our calling cousins when really strangers was a snare62. The enmity of our parents gave a piquancy63 to you in my eyes that was intenser even than the novelty of ordinary new acquaintance."
"Say those pretty lines, then, from Shelley's 'Epipsychidion' as if they meant me!" she solicited64, slanting65 up closer to him as they stood. "Don't you know them?"
"I know hardly any poetry," he replied mournfully.
"Don't you? These are some of them:
There was a Being whom my spirit oft Met on its visioned wanderings far aloft.
A seraph66 of Heaven, too gentle to be human, Veiling beneath that radiant form of woman....
Oh it is too flattering, so I won't go on! But say it's me! Say it's me!"
"It is you, dear; exactly like you!"
"Now I forgive you! And you shall kiss me just once there--not very long." She put the tip of her finger gingerly to her cheek; and he did as commanded. "You do care for me very much, don't you, in spite of my not--you know?"
"Yes, sweet!" he said with a sigh; and bade her good-night.
比上面说的那个时间还早二十四个钟头，苏就给裘德写了如下短信：
一切如我所告。我预定明晚离此。费乐生与我都认为天黑后走不那么惹眼。我心里非常慌，将于七点差一刻到达，请你一定到麦尔切斯特车站接我。亲爱的裘德，我知你必来不误，但我甚为胆怯，望你务必准时。此事自始至终他待我极为厚道！
亟盼见面！
苏
公共马车载着她——那晚唯一旅客——驶下山镇，越来越远。她不断望着后退的道路，神情凄苦，但是她显然已下定决心，义无反顾。
她坐的上行车要看到信号才停。她觉得一列力量如此强大的火车竟然为她这个逃出合法家庭的人停下来，可谓奇矣。
这段旅程经过二十分钟就结束了，苏开始把自己的东西归到一起，准备下车。火车在麦尔切斯特站刚一靠站，就有人把车门推开，原来正是裘德。他立刻进了车厢，手上拿着黑提包，身穿礼拜天和工余晚上才穿的深色套装，真是个非常英俊的小伙子。他眼里燃烧着对她的热烈的情意。
“哦，裘德呀！”她两只手把他的手握住，情绪紧张，难以抑制断断续续、有声无泪的抽咽。“我——我太高兴啦！就在这儿下车吧？”
“不在这儿下。亲爱的，我上车！我已经安排好啦。除了这个包，我还有个大箱子，已经打好行李票啦。”
“可是我干吗不下去呀？咱们怎么不呆在这地方？”
“咱们可不便呆在这地方，你还没明白过来呢。这儿人认识咱们——反正人家对我都挺熟的。我订了到奥尔布里肯的票，这是你上那儿的票，因为你手里的票就到这儿。”
“我原来想咱们呆在这儿呢。”她重说了一遍。
“那可绝对不行！”
“唉，也许不行吧。”
“我给你写信来不及了，没法告诉你我想好要去的地方。奥尔布里肯大得多，六七千号人，咱们的事，那儿谁也不知道。”
“这么说，这儿大教堂的活儿，你丢下不干了？”
“就是。因为太突然啦——你信里传到的消息实在想不到。要是严格的话，人家本来可以要我干完这礼拜的活才行，不过一跟他们说我有急事，他们也就放了我。亲爱的苏啊，只要你吩咐，我哪一天都可以甩手不干。我为你甩掉的东西比这个还多哪。”
“我现在可害怕把你坑得太厉害呢。把你给教会服务的前程断送啦，把你这行手艺上的发展断送啦，什么都断送啦！”
“教会跟我不沾边啦，去它的吧！咱再也不想当个
兵士加圣徒，一排又一排
朝天望，心如火，求至福。
就算有这样的人，也不是我！我的福用不着向天求，就在眼前。”
“唉，我太坏啦——我把男人走的路全都给搞得颠倒错乱啦！”她说，声音中的感情跟他心里开始涌动的一样，显得很激越。不过他们坐了十二英里车之后，她的平静恢复了。
“他人多好，还是让我走啦，”她又拾起话碴说，“我走之前，在梳妆台上瞧见张条子，是他给你的。”
“是啊，他这人可真不赖。”裘德说，看了看信。“以前你嫁了他，我挺恨他，这会儿再想想，就觉着惭愧啦。”
“要按女人总免不了的那股子心血来潮劲儿，我看我真该一下子爱上他才对，因为他那么宽宏大量叫我走，真是料也料不到。”她笑着回答，“不过我这人天生冷，或者说不知道感恩，还是什么吧，就是他那么宽宏大量，也还是没法叫我爱起来，叫我痛改前非，叫我做他妻子，跟他一块儿过日子；不过我真觉着他度量大、心胸广，所以比以前还要敬重他。”
“要是他不那么宽厚，你又硬拗着他，干脆跑了，咱们的事可就砸啦。”
“我根本不会干那样的事。”
裘德若有所思地朝她脸上看，一时没挪开。他来个冷不防，吻了她，跟着还要吻。“别——一回就够啦——行啦，裘德！”
“这未免有点忍心吧。”他回嘴说，不过还是同意了。“我又碰上过一件怪事，”裘德沉默了一会儿，又接着说，“阿拉贝拉来了信，实际意思是要我跟她办离婚——她说，我务必对她大发慈悲，她想一本正经，按照法律嫁给那个男人，其实她早跟了他喽。她求我能让她如愿以偿。”
“你怎么办呢？”
“我同意了。我原先想，我要是这么一办，肯定非把她第二回结婚搞吹了不可，无论如何，我不想让她吃亏。说到底，她未必就比我坏！好在这一带没人知道这档子事，而且我发现办离婚手续根本没什么困难。既然她想另起炉灶，我可是没有任何显著的理由挡她的道。”
“这么一来你不是一身轻了吗？”
“对，我是要一身轻啦。”
“咱们订的票到什么地方？”她问，这晚上她说话的特点是前言不搭后语。
“奥尔布里肯，我不是说过嘛。”
“可是咱们到那儿太晚了吧？”
“晚是晚了，这我也想到过，所以我已经给那儿的禁酒旅馆打了电报，给咱们订了个房间。”
“一个？”
“对——一个。
她瞧着他。“哎，裘德呀！”她把脑门往下靠在车厢隔间的犄角上。“我就想过你大概有这一手，憋着没跟你说。我可是没住一间屋子的意思！”
两个人接下去没说话。裘德一副受了愚弄的神气，两只眼睛直瞪着对面的座位。“哦！”他说……“哦！”
他依旧一言不发。她一看他那么垂头丧气，就拿脸往他脸上一贴，嘴里咕哝着，“亲爱的，别气啦。”
“哎——这又算得了什么。”他说。“反正我懂得其中奥妙就是啦。……你这是一下子变了卦吧？”
“你没权利问我这样的问题；再说我也决不回答！”她说，嫣然一笑。
“我的亲亲，对我来说，你的幸福是高于一切的——虽然咱们动不动就吵！——你的意志就是圣旨。我总还不算一心替自个儿打算的东西，我希望是这样。你想怎么办，就怎么办吧！”他再一想，就露出不知所措的样子。“不过这大概是因为你并不爱我——倒不是因为你不想冒犯习俗。我可是承蒙你教导，现在讨厌透习俗啦。我希望你就是这回事儿，不是转什么可怕的念头！”
按说，她这一刻显然该同他开诚布公才是，怎奈苏做不到赤诚相见，也就不能交心，不能把她的隐密的实情吐露无遗。
“你就当我胆小怕事好啦。”她急急要岔开正题。“就当妇道人家一遇上难题，总是胆小怕事好啦。此时此刻，我当然可以跟你一样，认为我完全有权利按你的意思跟你住一块儿；我当然可以坚持自己的见解，认为在合情合理的社会状况下，女人生了孩子，他爹怎么样，谁也无权说三道四，对她问长问短。不过，多少是因为他那么宽宏大量，我才自由，我这会儿宁可稍微拘泥点好。要是当初咱们靠绳梯逃跑，他端着手枪在后边追，那恐怕是另回事了，我也许要想采取截然不同的行动。可是，裘德呀，别硬逼着我好吧，也别对我下批评好吧，就当我没勇气实行我的主张好啦。我知道我是个苦命的可怜虫。我天生没你情感那么热烈呀！”
他只简单地重复了一下。“我也想过——我是自然而然该那么想的。但是咱们现在要是不是情人，那咱们就算完啦。费乐生就是这么个看法，这我敢打保票。你瞧，他给我的信是这么说的。”他打开她带来的信，念下去：
“我只提一个条件，就是你务必对她温柔、体贴。我知道你爱她，但爱情甚至有时也是残酷的。你们俩是天赐良缘，不论什么人，只要年纪大些，不心存成见，都会一望而知。我跟她相处的短短期间，你一直是‘影影绰绰的第三者’。我再说一遍，你要好好待苏。”
“他真是个大好人哪，不是吗？”她含着泪说。思索之后，又说，“他让我走，实在是忍痛割爱啊——简直是忍得太过啦！他为我旅途舒适，考虑得那么周到，还提出给我钱。那会儿跟以前不一样，我真是有点爱上他啦，可我还是爱不起来。要是我跟个妻子似地有那么一点爱他，就是这会儿也要回他那儿去啊。”
“可是你根本不爱他，对吧？”
“实在是不爱他，哦，实在是一点一滴不爱他！我根本不爱他。”
“你也不爱我吧，我心里七上八下呢！”他带着气说。“恐怕你谁都不爱！苏呀，有时候我挺生你的气，我觉着你这个人简直生来没法真真正正地爱。”
“你说这话可真不该，真是不忠不信！”她说，挪开身子，尽可能离开他远些，神情严厉地望着外面的夜色。她没转过身，便又用受了很大委屈的口气说，“我这样喜爱你，也许跟一些女人喜爱男人不一样，可是我跟你在一块儿实在是一种欢乐，这种欢乐极度微妙，存乎一心；我可不想再进一步，为了叫欢乐更强烈，就去冒失掉欢乐的危险。我心里完全明白，按女人跟男人的关系，危险总是免不了的。不过拿我跟你的关系说，我已经想定了，我能信赖你，你能把我的愿望置于你自我满足之上。这件事别再往下谈啦，亲爱的裘德！”
“要是再谈下去，你又要自怨自艾，当然不行啦……不过，苏，你当真非常爱我吗？说你非常爱我吧，说你爱我有我爱你的四分之一，十分之一，我就满足啦！”
“我让你吻啦，这不是说明一切嘛！”
“那才一回啊！”
“够啦——别跟个馋嘴猫似的。”
他身子往后一靠，好半天没看她。他此刻想起了她跟他说过的以往生活史中那个插曲，她就是这样处置那位可怜的基督堂大学毕业生的。他觉得自己很可能要步那个受尽残酷命运折磨的人的后尘。
“这样的私奔可怪啦！”他咕哝着。“也许你一直拿我当工具对付费乐生吧。唉，看起来就是这么回事——瞧你坐在那儿一副正派样！”
“你别瞎生气——我不许你这样！”她哄着他说，转过身，往他那边挪了挪。“你不是刚吻过我吗？我倒不是不愿意你吻我，你该吻我。我就是这会儿不让你吻我，这会儿不行——你就不想想咱们呆在什么地方吗？连这都不懂！”
只要她一恳求，他就没了主意，只好屈从（这一点她很清楚）。于是他们挨在一块儿坐着，手拉着手。后来她陡然想起什么。
“你给禁酒旅馆打了电报之后，我可不好到那儿去啦！”
“怎么不好去呢？”
“你难道不明白？”
“就是啦，那儿总还有别的旅馆没关门。自打你因为别人造谣生事，就嫁了费乐生，我有时候就琢磨，别看你平素装出来有一套独立见解的样子，其实你跟我认识的别的女人没两样，还是对社会规范奴隶般唯命是从。”
“精神上并不这样。见解我虽然有，可没有勇气去实行。我嫁给他也不全是因为别人造谣生事。但是有时候一个女人因为太想人家爱她，可就顾不得这样做好不好啦。虽说这样残酷地对待男人，心里头也觉着非常不是滋味，可还是照样鼓励他爱她，而她却根本不爱他。然后，她一瞧见他那个痛苦劲儿，就不免悔从中来，就想方设法来补救这个错误。”
“你这不是干脆说，你先跟他，跟那老家伙厚颜无耻地调情，后来觉着这样太过意不去，为了给他弥补损失，于是嫁给他吗？虽然你自己这么一搞，连自个儿也折腾得快没命啦。”
“唉——你居然把事情形容得这么下流不堪——有倒是有那么一点，加上那个丑闻，还有你早该告诉我的事，一直瞒着我：这三样都有关系。”
她因为他的批评很难过，眼泪汪汪。他一看就口气缓和下来，劝慰她：“好啦，亲爱的，别往心里去啦！你就是让我上十字架，我也心甘情愿！不管你怎么干，反正你是我的一切，这你心里完全有数！”
“我是又坏又不讲原则——我知道你就是这么想的！”她眨眨眼睛，想把眼泪挤掉。
“我打心眼儿里知道你是我的亲爱的苏，别管时间有多长，世界有多大，也别管现在是什么关系，将来有什么遭遇，反正什么都没法把我同你分开。”
她这人固然在好多方面洞明人情世故，但在另一些方面又是孩子般单纯，经裘德这么一表示，她也就满意了。所以在这趟旅程结束的时候，他们俩也就好得如胶似漆。十点钟光景，他们到了北维塞克斯首府奥尔布里肯。既然她因为他打的电报而不愿意到禁酒旅馆，裘德就打听有没有旅馆还没关门。有个小伙子自告奋勇帮他们找，用车子把他们的行李送到远一点的乔治旅馆，再想不到裘德同阿拉贝拉上回久别重逢后那晚上就同宿那家旅馆。
但是他们这一回进的是另一个大门，加上他心事重重，所以他起初也没认出来。他们各订了一个房间，安顿好了，就下楼吃耽误了的晚饭。裘德暂时离开一下，女招待就跟苏攀谈起来。
“太太，我想我记得你这位亲戚，要么朋友什么的，上回来过，跟今儿个一样，也挺老晚的，是跟他太太一块儿来的，就跟你这会儿来一样。那位太太举止反正不像你。”
“哦，你还记得？”苏说，打心里犯恶心。“不过你准是记错啦！那是什么时候的事？”
“前一两个月吧。是个挺漂亮、挺富态的太太。他们就住那间。”
裘德回来坐下吃饭，苏一副闷闷不乐的可怜样。“裘德，”他们在楼梯平台分手的时候，她含悲忍怨地说，“今天可跟咱们往常不一样，叫人觉着不好玩，不开心！我不高兴住在这儿——这地方叫我受不了。再说我这会儿也不像往常那么喜欢你啦！”
“亲爱的，你似乎心神不定嘛！怎么又变了卦啦？”
“因为你把我带到这儿来才残酷呢！”
“这话怎讲？”
“前些日子，你不是跟阿拉贝拉就住在这儿吗？好啦，我说明白啦！”
“亲爱的，怎么会——”裘德往四下里看。“对——一样一样！我可真不知道就是这地方，苏啊。唉——这没什么残酷不残酷，咱们来咱们的——两个亲戚住一家旅馆就是啦。”
“你们俩在这儿呆多长？快说，快说！”
“是我在基督堂碰见你，咱们一块儿到马利格林的头一天。我不是跟你说过我见过她嘛。”
“对，你说你见过她，可你没跟我说全。你讲的一套是你们碰见了，挺冷淡，老天爷一看就知道你们俩根本不是夫妻——你没提你们重归于好。”
“我才没跟她重归于好呢。”裘德怏怏地说。“苏呀，我真没法解释。”
“你这是欺骗我；你，你是我最后的指望哟！我再也忘不了啦，再也忘不了啦！”
“可是，亲爱的苏，照你的愿望，我们只能算朋友嘛，你这样岂不是自相矛盾——”
“朋友也可以嫉妒！”
“我看不是那么回事。你对我是着着不让，我对你可是件件听从。要是说到底，你先前不是跟你丈夫好得很嘛。”
“不对，我跟他不是好得很，裘德。哦，你居然是这么看的！再说，就算你不是诚心诳我，你也诳了我啦！”她因为感到奇耻大辱而气恼不堪，裘德只好把她带回她的房间，关上门，兔得叫人听见。“就是这间吧，一定是——我一看你的神气就明白啦！我可不住这间！哦，你又跟她好啦，你可太下作啦！咱还为你打窗子跳下楼哪！”
“但是苏啊，她再怎么，以前也是我合法的妻子，就算不是——”
她一下子双膝跪倒，脸朝床上一趴，哭起来了。
“我真没瞧见过这么没道理的感情，占着茅坑不拉屎。”裘德说。“我想沾你，你不干，沾别人，你又不许。”
“唉，你一点不了解我的感情哟！你怎么会不了解呢，你怎么会这么俗呢！我可是白跳了楼啦！”
“跳了楼？”
“我没法跟你说明白！”
他确实不充分了解她的感情，不过他总还有所了解；所以他还是禁不住爱起她来。
“我——我还当你谁也看不上呢——还当你从前除了我，这世界上，你心里谁也没装着呢——我可一直这么想啊！”苏继续说。
“你想的本来不错嘛。我从前心里没想别人！这会儿也不想啊！”裘德说，跟她一样难过。
“可是你心里老是忘不了她，要不然——”
“我才用不着那样哪——你这也是不了解我——女人根本不了解我！你干吗要无事生非，乱发脾气？”
她从被子上仰起头来看，带着挑战意味说，“要不是这一层，不管怎么样，我也按你说的上禁酒旅馆去啦；因为我已经开始觉着我真是你的人啦！”
“哦，那又算得了什么！”裘德冷冷地说。
“既然她自动甩了你这么多年，我也认为怎么说她也的确算不上你妻子啦！我倒想，像你跟她散了，我跟他散了，婚姻到此也就吹啦。”
“我可不能再说损她的话，我也不愿意那么着。”他说。“不过有件事我非跟你说不可，这件事无论如何总算把什么都一笔清了。她又嫁了人——的的确确嫁了那个人。上回跟她上这儿来之前，我连点影子都没有。”
“又嫁了人？……那可是犯了罪——人人都这么看，可谁也不信。”
“哪——你这会儿又冷静起来啦。不错，是犯了罪——就算你本心不这么想，你就是死了也得认这个账。不过我决不会告她。显而易见，她觉着良心上说不过去，这才催我办离婚，这样她就可以按法律再嫁给那个人。所以你看得出来，我大概再见不着她啦。”
“那你瞧见她那会儿，真是一点不知道！”她一边站起来，一边比较温和地说。
“一点不知道。要是把事情从头到尾想一想，我看你才犯不着生气呢，亲亲！”
“我没生气！可我也不想上禁酒旅馆！”
他笑起来。“没关系！”他说。“这样我靠你近，我倒开心呢。要论“咱”这个俗不可耐的可怜虫，那还配不上你啊——配不上你这个精灵，你这个空灵的可人儿，你这个亲爱的、甜甜的、可望而不可及的幻影；——你哪儿有肉身哪，我只要一抱你，我就觉着简直抱了个空，好比抱着空气一样。我多俗，跟你说的一样，那你就担待着好啦！别忘了咱们真正是素昧平生，一认表亲就陷到坑里不能自拔啦。咱们的爹妈势不两立，我倒觉着这一来给你平添了异样风味，比搭个普通新相好的新鲜劲儿还刺激呢。”
“那就从雪莱的《情切同心》里挑点美丽的句子念念吧，简直说的就是我啊！”她央求着，他们正站着，她就把身子斜着挨近他。
“我哪儿知道什么诗呀！”他怪难为情地说。
“你不知道？就是这几句：
我的精魂高翔远引，即兴漫游，
在如梦如幻中往往与伊人邂逅。
……
上苍爱的天使娴雅淑婉，迥绝人寰，
却见伊缟羽生光的倩影微掩真面……
哦，恭维得太过火啦，我念不下去啦！可是你说这就是我呀，说就是我呀！”
“就是你呀，亲爱的，一点不错，跟你一样啊！”
“这会儿我不怪你啦！你就在这儿吻我一下吧，就一回，别吻得太长好吧。”她用指尖轻轻往她一边颊上点了点，他遵命勿违。“你心里头真非常爱我吗，虽然我不——你知道吧？”
“知道，甜甜！”他叹口气说，接着道了晚安，走了。
收听单词发音 |
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obtrusiveness
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receding
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| v.逐渐远离( recede的现在分词 )；向后倾斜；自原处后退或避开别人的注视；尤指问题 | |
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hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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fugitive
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| adj.逃亡的，易逝的；n.逃犯，逃亡者 | |
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lawful
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| adj.法律许可的，守法的，合法的 | |
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gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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compartment
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| n.卧车包房，隔间；分隔的空间 | |
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promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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equanimity
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| n.沉着，镇定 | |
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WHIMS
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| 虚妄，禅病 | |
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devoid
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| adj.全无的，缺乏的 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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generosity
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| n.大度，慷慨，慷慨的行为 | |
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repent
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| v.悔悟，悔改，忏悔，后悔 | |
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musingly
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| adv.沉思地，冥想地 | |
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acquiesced
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| v.默认，默许( acquiesce的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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stultified
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| v.使成为徒劳，使变得无用( stultify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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discomfited
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| v.使为难( discomfit的过去式和过去分词)；使狼狈；使挫折；挫败 | |
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vexed
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| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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verge
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| n.边，边缘；v.接近，濒临 | |
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candid
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| adj.公正的，正直的；坦率的 | |
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rigid
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| adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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pettishly
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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severely
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| adv.严格地；严厉地；非常恶劣地 | |
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liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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supremely
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| adv.无上地，崇高地 | |
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intensify
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| vt.加强；变强；加剧 | |
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prim
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| adj.拘泥形式的，一本正经的；n.循规蹈矩，整洁；adv.循规蹈矩地，整洁地 | |
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coaxed
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| v.哄，用好话劝说( coax的过去式和过去分词 )；巧言骗取；哄劝，劝诱 | |
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agonized
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| v.使（极度）痛苦，折磨( agonize的过去式和过去分词 )；苦斗；苦苦思索；感到极度痛苦 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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flirted
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| v.调情，打情骂俏( flirt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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outrageously
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| 凶残地； 肆无忌惮地； 令人不能容忍地； 不寻常地 | |
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repented
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| 对（自己的所为）感到懊悔或忏悔( repent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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brutally
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| adv.残忍地，野蛮地，冷酷无情地 | |
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concealing
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，遮住( conceal的现在分词 ) | |
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distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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soothed
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| v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 )；抚慰；使舒服；减轻痛苦 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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plaintively
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| adv.悲哀地，哀怨地 | |
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estranged
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| adj.疏远的，分离的 | |
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mortified
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| v.使受辱( mortify的过去式和过去分词 )；伤害（人的感情）；克制；抑制（肉体、情感等） | |
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treacherous
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| adj.不可靠的，有暗藏的危险的；adj.背叛的，背信弃义的 | |
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pouted
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| v.撅（嘴）( pout的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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prick
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| v.刺伤，刺痛，刺孔；n.刺伤，刺痛 | |
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wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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tantalizing
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| adj.逗人的；惹弄人的；撩人的；煽情的v.逗弄，引诱，折磨( tantalize的现在分词 ) | |
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snare
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| n.陷阱，诱惑，圈套；（去除息肉或者肿瘤的）勒除器；响弦，小军鼓；vt.以陷阱捕获，诱惑 | |
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piquancy
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| n.辛辣，辣味，痛快 | |
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solicited
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| v.恳求( solicit的过去式和过去分词 )；（指娼妇）拉客；索求；征求 | |
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slanting
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| 倾斜的，歪斜的 | |
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seraph
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| n.六翼天使 | |
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