PHILLOTSON was sitting up late, as was often his custom, trying to get together the materials for his long-neglected hobby of Roman antiquities1. For the first time since reviving the subject he felt a return of his old interest in it. He forgot time and place, and when he remembered himself and ascended2 to rest it was nearly two o'clock.
His preoccupation was such that, though he now slept on the other side of the house, he mechanically went to the room that he and his wife had occupied when he first became a tenant4 of Old-Grove Place, which since his differences with Sue had been hers exclusively. He entered, and unconsciously began to undress.
There was a cry from the bed, and a quick movement. Before the schoolmaster had realized where he was he perceived Sue starting up half-awake, staring wildly, and springing out upon the floor on the side away from him, which was towards the window. This was somewhat hidden by the canopy5 of the bedstead, and in a moment he heard her flinging up the sash. Before he had thought that she meant to do more than get air she had mounted upon the sill and leapt out. She disappeared in the darkness, and he heard her fall below.
Phillotson, horrified6, ran downstairs, striking himself sharply against the newel in his haste. Opening the heavy door he ascended the two or three steps to the level of the ground, and there on the gravel7 before him lay a white heap. Phillotson seized it in his arms, and bringing Sue into the hall seated her on a chair, where he gazed at her by the flapping light of the candle which he had set down in the draught8 on the bottom stair.
She had certainly not broken her neck. She looked at him with eyes that seemed not to take him in; and though not particularly large in general they appeared so now.
She pressed her side and rubbed her arm, as if conscious of pain; then stood up, averting9 her face, in evident distress10 at his gaze.
"Thank God--you are not killed! Though it's not for want of trying-- not much hurt I hope?"
Her fall, in fact, had not been a serious one, probably owing to the lowness of the old rooms and to the high level of the ground without. Beyond a scraped elbow and a blow in the side she had apparently11 incurred12 little harm.
"I was asleep, I think!" she began, her pale face still turned away from him. "And something frightened me--a terrible dream--I thought I saw you--" The actual circumstances seemed to come back to her, and she was silent.
Her cloak was hanging at the back of the door, and the wretched Phillotson flung it round her. "Shall I help you upstairs?" he asked drearily14; for the significance of all this sickened him of himself and of everything.
"No thank you, Richard. I am very little hurt. I can walk."
"You ought to lock your door," he mechanically said, as if lecturing in school. "Then no one could intrude15 even by accident."
"I have tried--it won't lock. All the doors are out of order."
The aspect of things was not improved by her admission. She ascended the staircase slowly, the waving light of the candle shining on her. Phillotson did not approach her, or attempt to ascend3 himself till he heard her enter her room. Then he fastened up the front door, and returning, sat down on the lower stairs, holding the newel with one hand, and bowing his face into the other. Thus he remained for a long long time-- a pitiable object enough to one who had seen him; till, raising his head and sighing a sigh which seemed to say that the business of his life must be carried on, whether he had a wife or no, he took the candle and went upstairs to his lonely room on the other side of the landing.
No further incident touching16 the matter between them occurred till the following evening, when, immediately school was over, Phillotson walked out of Shaston, saying he required no tea, and not informing Sue where he was going. He descended17 from the town level by a steep road in a north-westerly direction, and continued to move downwards18 till the soil changed from its white dryness to a tough brown clay. He was now on the low alluvial19 beds
Where Duncliffe is the traveller's mark, And cloty Stour's a-rolling dark.
More than once he looked back in the increasing obscurity of evening. Against the sky was Shaston, dimly visible
On the grey-topp'd height Of Paladore, as pale day wore Away... (1)
The new-lit lights from its windows burnt with a steady shine as if watching him, one of which windows was his own. Above it he could just discern the pinnacled20 tower of Trinity Church. The air down here, tempered by the thick damp bed of tenacious21 clay, was not as it had been above, but soft and relaxing, so that when he had walked a mile or two he was obliged to wipe his face with his handkerchief.
Leaving Duncliffe Hill on the left he proceeded without hesitation22 through the shade, as a man goes on, night or day, in a district over which he has played as a boy. He had walked altogether about four and a half miles
Where Stour receives her strength, From six cleere fountains fed, (2)
when he crossed a tributary23 of the Stour, and reached Leddenton-- a little town of three or four thousand inhabitants-- where he went on to the boys' school, and knocked at the door of the master's residence.
(1) William Barnes. (2) Drayton.
A boy pupil-teacher opened it, and to Phillotson's inquiry24 if Mr. Gillingham was at home replied that he was, going at once off to his own house, and leaving Phillotson to find his way in as he could. He discovered his friend putting away some books from which he had been giving evening lessons. The light of the paraffin lamp fell on Phillotson's face-- pale and wretched by contrast with his friend's, who had a cool, practical look. They had been schoolmates in boyhood, and fellow-students at Wintoncester Training College, many years before this time.
"Glad to see you, Dick! But you don't look well? Nothing the matter?"
Phillotson advanced without replying, and Gillingham closed the cupboard and pulled up beside his visitor.
"Why you haven't been here--let me see--since you were married? I called, you know, but you were out; and upon my word it is such a climb after dark that I have been waiting till the days are longer before lumpering up again. I am glad you didn't wait, however."
Though well-trained and even proficient25 masters, they occasionally used a dialect-word of their boyhood to each other in private.
"I've come, George, to explain to you my reasons for taking a step that I am about to take, so that you, at least, will understand my motives26 if other people question them anywhen-- as they may, indeed certainly will.... But anything is better than the present condition of things God forbid that you should ever have such an experience as mine!"
"Sit down. You don't mean--anything wrong between you and Mrs. Phillotson?"
"I do.... My wretched state is that I've a wife I love who not only does not love me, but--but Well, I won't say. I know her feeling! I should prefer hatred27 from her!"
"Ssh!"
"And the sad part of it is that she is not so much to blame as I. She was a pupil-teacher under me, as you know, and I took advantage of her inexperience, and toled her out for walks, and got her to agree to a long engagement before she well knew her own mind. Afterwards she saw somebody else, but she blindly fulfilled her engagement."
"Loving the other?"
"Yes; with a curious tender solicitude28 seemingly; though her exact feeling for him is a riddle29 to me--and to him too, I think-- possibly to herself. She is one of the oddest creatures I ever met. However, I have been struck with these two facts; the extraordinary sympathy, or similarity, between the pair. He is her cousin, which perhaps accounts for some of it. They seem to be one person split in two! And with her unconquerable aversion to myself as a husband, even though she may like me as a friend, 'tis too much to bear longer. She has conscientiously30 struggled against it, but to no purpose. I cannot bear it--I cannot! I can't answer her arguments--she has read ten times as much as I. Her intellect sparkles like diamonds, while mine smoulders like brown paper.... She's one too many for me!"
"She'll get over it, good-now?"
"Never! It is--but I won't go into it--there are reasons why she never will. At last she calmly and firmly asked if she might leave me and go to him. The climax31 came last night, when, owing to my entering her room by accident, she jumped out of window--so strong was her dread32 of me! She pretended it was a dream, but that was to soothe33 me. Now when a woman jumps out of window without caring whether she breaks her neck or no, she's not to be mistaken; and this being the case I have come to a conclusion: that it is wrong to so torture a fellow-creature any longer; and I won't be the inhuman34 wretch13 to do it, cost what it may!"
"What--you'll let her go? And with her lover?"
"Whom with is her matter. I shall let her go; with him certainly, if she wishes. I know I may be wrong--I know I can't logically, or religiously, defend my concession35 to such a wish of hers, or harmonize it with the doctrines36 I was brought up in. Only I know one thing: something within me tells me I am doing wrong in refusing her. I, like other men, profess37 to hold that if a husband gets such a so-called preposterous38 request from his wife, the only course that can possibly be regarded as right and proper and honourable39 in him is to refuse it, and put her virtuously40 under lock and key, and murder her lover perhaps. But is that essentially41 right, and proper, and honourable, or is it contemptibly42 mean and selfish? I don't profess to decide. I simply am going to act by instinct, and let principles take care of themselves. If a person who has blindly walked into a quagmire43 cries for help, I am inclined to give it, if possible."
"But--you see, there's the question of neighbours and society-- what will happen if everybody----"
"Oh, I am not going to be a philosopher any longer! I only see what's under my eyes."
"Well--I don't agree with your instinct, Dick!" said Gillingham gravely. "I am quite amazed, to tell the truth, that such a sedate44, plodding45 fellow as you should have entertained such a craze for a moment. You said when I called that she was puzzling and peculiar46: I think you are!"
"Have you ever stood before a woman whom you know to be intrinsically a good woman, while she has pleaded for release--been the man she has knelt to and implored47 indulgence of?"
"I am thankful to say I haven't."
"Then I don't think you are in a position to give an opinion. I have been that man, and it makes all the difference in the world, if one has any manliness48 or chivalry49 in him. I had not the remotest idea--living apart from women as I have done for so many years--that merely taking a woman to church and putting a ring upon her finger could by any possibility involve one in such a daily, continuous tragedy as that now shared by her and me!"
"Well, I could admit some excuse for letting her leave you, provided she kept to herself. But to go attended by a cavalier-- that makes a difference."
"Not a bit. Suppose, as I believe, she would rather endure her present misery50 than be made to promise to keep apart from him? All that is a question for herself. It is not the same thing at all as the treachery of living on with a husband and playing him false.... However, she has not distinctly implied living with him as wife, though I think she means to.... And to the best of my understanding it is not an ignoble51, merely animal, feeling between the two: that is the worst of it; because it makes me think their affection will be enduring. I did not mean to confess to you that in the first jealous weeks of my marriage, before I had come to my right mind, I hid myself in the school one evening when they were together there, and I heard what they said. I am ashamed of it now, though I suppose I was only exercising a legal right. I found from their manner that an extraordinary affinity52, or sympathy, entered into their attachment53, which somehow took away all flavour of grossness. Their supreme54 desire is to be together--to share each other's emotions, and fancies, and dreams."
"Well no. Shelleyan would be nearer to it. They remind me of-- what are their names--Laon and Cythna. Also of Paul and Virginia a little. The more I reflect, the more ENTIRELY56 I am on their side!"
"But if people did as you want to do, there'd be a general domestic disintegration57. The family would no longer be the social unit."
"Yes--I am all abroad, I suppose!" said Phillotson sadly. "I was never a very bright reasoner, you remember.... And yet, I don't see why the woman and the children should not be the unit without the man."
"By the Lord Harry58!--Matriarchy! ... Does SHE say all this too?"
"Oh no. She little thinks I have out-Sued Sue in this-- all in the last twelve hours!"
"It will upset all received opinion hereabout. Good God-- what will Shaston say!"
"I don't say that it won't. I don't know--I don't know! ... As I say, I am only a feeler, not a reasoner."
"Now," said Gillingham, "let us take it quietly, and have something to drink over it." He went under the stairs, and produced a bottle of cider-wine, of which they drank a rummer each. "I think you are rafted, and not yourself," he continued. "Do go back and make up your mind to put up with a few whims59. But keep her. I hear on all sides that she's a charming young thing."
"Ah yes! That's the bitterness of it! Well, I won't stay. I have a long walk before me."
Gillingham accompanied his friend a mile on his way, and at parting expressed his hope that this consultation60, singular as its subject was, would be the renewal61 of their old comradeship. "Stick to her!" were his last words, flung into the darkness after Phillotson; from which his friend answered "Aye, aye!"
But when Phillotson was alone under the clouds of night, and no sound was audible but that of the purling tributaries62 of the Stour, he said, "So Gillingham, my friend, you had no stronger arguments against it than those!"
"I think she ought to be smacked63, and brought to her senses-- that's what I think!" murmured Gillingham, as he walked back alone.
The next morning came, and at breakfast Phillotson told Sue:
"You may go--with whom you will. I absolutely and unconditionally64 agree."
Having once come to this conclusion it seemed to Phillotson more and more indubitably the true one. His mild serenity65 at the sense that he was doing his duty by a woman who was at his mercy almost overpowered his grief at relinquishing66 her.
Some days passed, and the evening of their last meal together had come-- a cloudy evening with wind--which indeed was very seldom absent in this elevated place. How permanently67 it was imprinted68 upon his vision; that look of her as she glided69 into the parlour to tea; a slim flexible figure; a face, strained from its roundness, and marked by the pallors of restless days and nights, suggesting tragic70 possibilities quite at variance71 with her times of buoyancy; a trying of this morsel72 and that, and an inability to eat either. Her nervous manner, begotten73 of a fear lest he should be injured by her course, might have been interpreted by a stranger as displeasure that Phillotson intruded74 his presence on her for the few brief minutes that remained.
"You had better have a slice of ham or an egg, or something with your tea? You can't travel on a mouthful of bread and butter."
She took the slice he helped her to; and they discussed as they sat trivial questions of housekeeping, such as where he would find the key of this or that cupboard, what little bills were paid, and what not.
"I am a bachelor by nature, as you know, Sue," he said, in a heroic attempt to put her at her ease. "So that being without a wife will not really be irksome to me, as it might be to other men who have had one a little while. I have, too, this grand hobby in my head of writing 'The Roman Antiquities of Wessex,' which will occupy all my spare hours."
"If you will send me some of the manuscript to copy at any time, as you used to, I will do it with so much pleasure!" she said with amenable75 gentleness. "I should much like to be some help to you still--as a--friend."
Phillotson mused76, and said: "No, I think we ought to be really separate, if we are to be at all. And for this reason, that I don't wish to ask you any questions, and particularly wish you not to give me information as to your movements, or even your address.... Now, what money do you want? You must have some, you know."
"Oh, of course, Richard, I couldn't think of having any of your money to go away from you with! I don't want any either. I have enough of my own to last me for a long while, and Jude will let me have----"
"I would rather not know anything about him, if you don't mind. You are free, absolutely; and your course is your own."
"Very well. But I'll just say that I have packed only a change or two of my own personal clothing, and one or two little things besides that are my very own. I wish you would look into my trunk before it is closed. Besides that I have only a small parcel that will go into Jude's portmanteau."
"Of course I shall do no such thing as examine your luggage! I wish you would take three-quarters of the household furniture. I don't want to be bothered with it. I have a sort of affection for a little of it that belonged to my poor mother and father. But the rest you are welcome to whenever you like to send for it."
"That I shall never do."
"You go by the six-thirty train, don't you? It is now a quarter to six."
"You ... You don't seem very sorry I am going, Richard!"
"Oh no--perhaps not."
"I like you much for how you have behaved. It is a curious thing that directly I have begun to regard you as not my husband, but as my old teacher, I like you. I won't be so affected77 as to say I love you, because you know I don't, except as a friend. But you do seem that to me!"
Sue was for a few moments a little tearful at these reflections, and then the station omnibus came round to take her up. Phillotson saw her things put on the top, handed her in, and was obliged to make an appearance of kissing her as he wished her good-bye, which she quite understood and imitated. From the cheerful manner in which they parted the omnibus-man had no other idea than that she was going for a short visit.
When Phillotson got back into the house he went upstairs and opened the window in the direction the omnibus had taken. Soon the noise of its wheels died away. He came down then, his face compressed like that of one bearing pain; he put on his hat and went out, following by the same route for nearly a mile. Suddenly turning round he came home.
He had no sooner entered than the voice of his friend Gillingham greeted him from the front room.
"I could make nobody hear; so finding your door open I walked in, and made myself comfortable. I said I would call, you remember."
"Yes. I am much obliged to you, Gillingham, particularly for coming to-night."
"How is Mrs.----"
"She is quite well. She is gone--just gone. That's her tea-cup, that she drank out of only an hour ago. And that's the plate she--" Phillotson's throat got choked up, and he could not go on. He turned and pushed the tea-things aside.
"Have you had any tea, by the by?" he asked presently in a renewed voice.
"No--yes--never mind," said Gillingham, preoccupied78. "Gone, you say she is?"
"Yes.... I would have died for her; but I wouldn't be cruel to her in the name of the law. She is, as I understand, gone to join her lover. What they are going to do I cannot say. Whatever it may be she has my full consent to."
There was a stability, a ballast, in Phillotson's pronouncement which restrained his friend's comment. "Shall I--leave you?" he asked.
"No, no. It is a mercy to me that you have come. I have some articles to arrange and clear away. Would you help me?"
Gillingham assented79; and having gone to the upper rooms the schoolmaster opened drawers, and began taking out all Sue's things that she had left behind, and laying them in a large box. "She wouldn't take all I wanted her to," he continued. "But when I made up my mind to her going to live in her own way I did make up my mind."
"Some men would have stopped at an agreement to separate."
"I've gone into all that, and don't wish to argue it. I was, and am, the most old-fashioned man in the world on the question of marriage-- in fact I had never thought critically about its ethics80 at all. But certain facts stared me in the face, and I couldn't go against them."
They went on with the packing silently. When it was done Phillotson closed the box and turned the key.
"There," he said. "To adorn81 her in somebody's eyes; never again in mine!"
费乐生很想把他一向爱好而又搁置颇久的古罗马文物资料加以整理，而他往往工作到夜深。自他恢复那个课题的研究，他第一次深深感到自己的兴趣不减曩时，以致把时间和地方全都忘了，快到凌晨两点，他才想起该上楼歇息。
从他租住葛庐老宅那时起，他一直和妻子同宿一室，及至跟苏龃龉，屋子就归她一人住了，他自己改住房子另一头的一间。他做完了研究，第一件事是回屋子睡觉，懵里懵懂地进了他们原来合住的房间，自自然然地开始脱衣服。
床上突地发出一声喊，接着猛然一动。小学老师还没来得及弄明白到了什么地方，只见苏迷迷糊糊地坐起来，惊恐地死瞪着眼，紧接着从床靠窗户那一侧蹦到地上，想躲开他。床篷子差不多把窗户都遮住了，一霎间他听到她推上窗子的声音。他刚以为她大概是想换换空气，谁知她已经跨上窗沿跳了出去，消失在黑暗中。他听到她落地声。
费乐生吓昏了，马上往楼下跑，忙中头猛撞到楼梯柱子上。他把笨重的大门打开，上了够得着地面的两三层台阶，看到石子铺的路上有堆白东西。费乐生连忙把它抱起来，弄进前厅，把苏放到椅上。他原先在楼梯最下一级的风口那儿放了只蜡烛，这会儿他就在摇曳不定的烛光中死死盯着她。
苏的脖子没摔断。她看着他，目光茫然，似乎没看见他；她眼睛虽然平时不见得特别大，但那会儿却显得这样。她按了按一边的肋骨，又揉揉脖子，像是觉着那些地方疼，随后站起身来，掉开脸，显然是因为他目不转睛地看她，使她感到痛苦。
“谢天谢地——你算是没摔死！不过你不是不想死。——我希望你伤不重，是吧？”
她其实摔得不厉害，这大概是因为外面地面比老房子地面高的缘故。除了肘部擦伤和头一边垫了一下，显然没吃什么大亏。
“我想我那会儿正睡着呢！”她开了口，苍白的脸还是闪开他。“也不知道怎么吓醒了——是个恶梦吧——我觉着瞧见了你——”她仿佛想起来当时的实际情景，没往下说。
她的大衣挂在门后面，心里非常不是滋味的费乐生把它拿过来，给她披上。“我帮你上楼好不好？”他郁郁不快地问。出了这样的事意味着什么，他肚子里有数，不由得对自己、对一切都感到恶心。
“不必啦，谢谢你，里查。我没怎么伤着，自个儿能走。”
“你应该把门锁上。”他老腔老调地说，像平时在学校上课一样。“那就没人无意中闯进去啦。”
“我试过——锁不上。所有的门全走形啦。”
她尽管承认他说得对，这会儿也于事无补。她慢慢上了楼，摇曳的烛光照着她。费乐生没跟着她，也没想上楼。等她进了屋子，把门扣紧，他就往靠下边的楼梯上一坐，一只手抓着柱子，一只手扶着脸。他就这样呆了很长很长时间——谁要是看见他，难免把他看成地地道道的软弱无能之辈。他最后把头抬起来，叹了口气，仿佛是说，别管他有没有妻子，他这辈子的事业一定要进行下去。他拿起蜡烛上楼，走向楼梯口他自己孤身一人呆的屋子。
到了那一天晚上，这件事并没在他们中间再引起风波。放学以后，费乐生说他不想吃茶点，也没告诉苏去什么地方，就离开了沙氏顿。他先从西北向的斜陡的坡路下了镇子，又继续往下走，一直走到白色干硬的土壤变成坚实的褐色粘土，这就是到了地势低平的冲积层：
那儿有敦克里夫山做行旅界志，
飘满黄水莲的斯陶河沉郁地流过。
他几次回望人晚渐浓的暮色。沙氏顿背倚长空，半隐半现
在帕拉都的昏茫的绝顶上，
正值惨淡的白昼幽幽逝去……
镇上刚刚点灯，稳定的灯光从窗户射出来，仿佛正注视他，而其中一扇窗户就是他自己的啊。他正好在那扇窗户上方认出了三一教堂的尖形的塔楼。山下的空气，由于受到厚实而潮湿的粘土层的调节，和山上不同，柔和而且令人感到舒畅，虽然他只走了一两英里，这时也要拿手绢擦擦脸。
他撇开左首敦克里夫山，在茫茫夜色中毫不迟疑地一路向前，就像一个大人不论白天还是夜晚走过他小时候玩的地方一样。到此他一共走了四英里半。
靠那儿六股山泉的哺育
斯陶河获得了她的生命力。
他已跨过斯陶河的一条支流，到了列登顿——一个只有三四千人的小镇，又从那儿走到一所男生小学，敲了敲老师家的门。
一个小先生开了门，费乐生问季令安先生在不在家，他说在，立刻回到屋子里，让费乐生一个人去想法找他。费乐生看到他的朋友正把刚在夜校上课用的几本书放到一边。油灯光照到费乐生脸上——同他的朋友脸上沉着冷静、讲究实际的神态一比，显得他苍白而憔悴。小时候，他们是同学，好多年前还是温顿斯特进修学院的同窗。
“你来了，太好啦，狄克！不过你脸色怎么不大好呀！没什么大不了的事吧？”
费乐生往前走了几步，没回答，季令安把书橱关上，坐到他旁边。
“我看，你打结了婚，就没来过吧？你知道吧，我去找过你，你出去了；天黑了，上山才够呛呢，所以我打算天长时候再慢慢上去，不过你倒没等到那时候就来了，我真高兴。”
他们俩虽然都是受过良好培训，工作起来得心应手的老师，彼此私下交谈，有时还不免带上小时候的土话。
“乔治，我现在打算采取个步骤，我这回来就是向你解释一下这样做的道理。往后要是啥人啥时候怀疑我这样做的动机——可能这样，也的确会这样，那么，至少你是理解我的……不过我这会儿的处境算最糟啦。老天爷决不会答应你以后有这样的经历！”
“坐下吧，你不是说——你跟费乐生太太有什么不对劲儿吧？”
“我就是说这个……我这会儿处境所以糟糕。就是因为有个妻子，我爱她，可是她不单不爱我，还——还，唉，不说啦。我了解她的感情！我觉着她这样还不如恨我呢！”
“嘘！”
“事情所以叫人苦恼正因为她跟我一样没什么错处。她本来是我手下的小先生，这你是知道的，我利用她没经验，拖着她走，想法逗她答应跟我订长期的婚约，她当时怎么想的，连她自个儿也说不上来。后来她又碰上另一个人，不过她还是稀里糊涂地履行了婚约。”
“爱上别人啦？”
“对！要从表面上看嘛，那个爱劲儿很特别，很多情，很热火，不过她对他的感情到底怎么回事，在我还是个闷萌芦——我看对那个人也是个问葫芦吧——说不定连她自个儿也一样。照我碰到的最古怪的人里头，她得算一个。不过有两件事还是叫我印象特深，一个是这一对有一种非同一般的同情，或者说同感共鸣。他是她表亲，这大概有关系。他们仿佛一个人分了两半。再有就是对我这个做丈夫的嫌弃，她想压，压不下去，显然她还是喜欢我做个朋友；长此以往，实在叫人受不了。她本着良知，进行了斗争，压制自己的反感，可没啥用。我没法忍下去啦——我没法受啦！我也没法把她提出来的论据驳倒——她读的书有我的十倍呢。她的智力像钻石一样闪闪发光，我的智力像牛皮纸着了火，干冒烟……她比我强得太多啦！”
“她过一阵子会好吧。”
“绝对不会！这是——不过我不想细谈啦——其所以绝对不会有好些原因。最后她态度既平和又坚决地问我，她究竟能不能离开我，到他那边去。昨天夜里，事情到了高潮，我自己糊里糊涂进了她屋子，她打开窗户一下子跳出去了——她怕我怕到了这么厉害的程度！她假装说是做梦才那样，其实只是叫我宽心。现在一个女人连死活都不管，硬从窗户往外跳，那她心里怎么回事不是一清二楚，再也弄不错嘛！是这么回事，我得出了结论，再把这个同类这样折磨下去是错误的；我不是个没人心的坏种，可不能再这样下去了，不论牺牲多大都不要紧！”
“怎么——你想叫她一走了之？上她情人那儿去？”
“她跟谁，是她的事。我打算让她走。要按她的意思，肯定是跟他。我这样办，我也知道大概是错了——我知道无论按我的逻辑，还是按教理，对她这种愿望让步是没法辩解的，也没法跟把我从小培养到大的主义调和一致。唯有一件事，我很清楚：我内心的声音对我说，我要是对她加以拒绝，那就犯了错误。当然我现在也可以像别的男人那样公开表示：做丈夫的听见妻子提出这种所谓肾清道理的要求，唯一可以视为正当、合理而又体面的办法就是把她的要求打回去，干脆关她的禁闭，也许连她的情人也宰了。不过从本质上说，这能算正当、合理、体面呢，还是叫人恶心的卑鄙下流、自私自利？孰是孰非，我不来判断。不过我是靠本能行事，原则云云就不必管了。假定有个人一不留神掉到泥塘里头，大声喊救命，只要我办得到，我一定救他。”
“可是——怎么说呢，还有左邻右舍跟社会的问题——那要出什么事呀，要是人人——”
“哎，我可不想再充道学家啦！我瞧只瞧眼皮子底下的事。”
“唉——我可不赞成你那个本能，狄克！”季令安郑重其事地说，“讲实在的，你这人素来沉着老练，遇事不慌不躁，怎么一阵子居然张皇失措呢。太叫我意外啦。我那会儿在你那儿，你说她这人难以捉摸，与众不同，我看你倒真是这样啊！”
“有个女人，你知道她品性纯良，她向你苦苦哀求把她放走，你以前有没有在这样的女人前面站着过？你是不是那个男人，她跪在你面前，求你开恩？”
“我可没那样的运气，当过那样的男人。”
“那我就认为你没根据提高见。我就是那个男人。谁要是有点大丈夫气概，或者行侠仗义的心肠，事情也就大变样啦。我那么多年没沾过女人，——压根儿没想到，只要把个女人带到教堂，给她手指头戴上戒指，就完全可以把个人拴在没日没夜、没完没了的悲剧里，就如同她跟我这会儿一块儿受的那样。”
“唉，你让她离开你，要是她一个人过，用这些托词，我倒许认可，可是她跟一个浪荡子凑到一块儿——那可就另一码事啦。”
“根本不是那么回事。照我看，她宁可忍受眼前痛苦，也决不会在强迫之下同他分开，这又怎么说？这都是看她自己的心愿。至于说要手段，继续跟丈夫过，欺骗他，把他蒙在鼓里，这可完全不是那么回事……不过她至今也没明确表示跟他一块儿过，就是他妻子，虽然我认为她有这个意思……再说，我也算看得一清二楚啦，他们俩的感情不是那类卑鄙下流、纯属动物性质的感情；糟也糟在这个地方，因为我觉得这样一来，他们的爱情一定会天长地久，永不会变啦。这会儿还可以跟你讲明白，我刚结婚叫人羡慕的头几个礼拜，我的心还没平静如常，有个晚上他们俩一块儿呆在学校里，我就躲在一边，听他们说话。我这会儿觉着惭愧，不过当时我觉得我不过行使法律赋予的权利就是啦。我发现他们的亲呢中间深深隐藏着一种非同一般的契合，或者说同情吧，它把一切粗鄙气息都扫得一干二净。他们至高无上的愿望就是厮守在一起——把彼此的情感、幻觉和梦想交融共享。”
“柏拉图式恋爱嘛！”
“唉，不是。说雪莱式的倒更近乎事实。他们那样子叫我想起了——什么名字呀——莱昂和希娜吧。也有点保尔和维吉尼亚的味道。我越往深里想，就越朝他们一边倒啦。”
“要是别人全照你这么干，那不是家庭普遍大散伙吗？家庭就算不上社会单位啦。”
“是啊——我想我是太离谱啦！”费乐生伤心地说，“我向来在推理方面不高明，你总没忘吧。然而我不明白，何以没有男人、女人跟孩子就成不了社会单位。”
“不得了喽！——母系社会喽！……她是不是也说过这一套呀？”
“哦，没有。她还想不到，这方面我比苏还苏呢——就在这二十四个钟头里，我思想转了弯啦！”
“这可要在这一方搞得人心大乱、舆论大哗呀。老天爷——沙氏顿该怎么说呢！”
“它怎么说三道四，我说不上来，我也不知道——我啥也不知道！……我不是说了嘛，我无非是直感，一推论就不行。”
“现在，”季令安说，“咱们把这个放放，先喝点。”他从楼下拿来瓶苹果酒，他们一个人喝了一大杯。他继续说，“我看你是昏了头啦，跟你平常一点不像。你回去先拿定主意，她怎么犯毛病，都得忍住，就是千万别让她走。我听见人人都夸她是俏实的小妞儿呢。”
“是啊，一点不错啊，就因为这样才叫人特别难受！好啦，我该走啦，回去还有好长一段路呢。”
季令安陪他朋友走了一英里。尽管谈的东西太离奇，他还是希望就此恢复昔年他们推心置腹的友谊。“盯住她别放！”这是他最后一句话，飘荡在费乐生身后的夜空。他的朋友回了句“好，好！”就算了。
但是在那满天乌云、四野无声，唯有斯陶河支流水声潺潺清晰可辨的夜里，费乐生踽踽独行的时候，他说，‘季令安，我的朋友，我看你也只好这样说说，再也拿不出什么更有力的论据来驳我啦。”
“我看得把她足足敲打敲打，叫她明白过来才行呢——我认为这才是好办法！”季令安独自一边往回走，一边嘟嘟囔囔的。
第二天早晨到来了，吃早饭时，费乐生对苏说：
“你可以走啦——随便跟哪个人一块儿都行。我绝对同意，无条件同意。”
费乐生一旦得出这个结论，他就越来越觉得这个结论是无可置疑地正确。他正对一个靠他发慈悲的女人克尽责任，这叫他渐见超脱，有宁静之感，把他原来因纵她而去而引起的悲苦冲淡了。
又过了些天，到了他们最后一次一块儿用餐的晚上，风高云暗，耸立崖顶的乡镇的天气很少不这样。她珊娜走进小客厅用茶点时的神情；她的柔若无骨的苗条腰身；她因日夜不停地焦灼而由圆见长的脸庞；异常苍白的脸色，和由此所表现的与她的风华正茂、无忧无虑的年纪绝不相容的种种悲剧可能性；她东吃一口，西吃一口，却实际上一点吃不下去的无奈——这一切的一切在他是何等刻骨铭心，难以磨灭啊。她的态度躇踌不安，本来是担心他会因她的行动而受到损害，然而在不知内情的局外人看来，恐怕要把这种表现错解成她不高兴他在剩下的几分钟还打扰她。
“你还是喝点茶，就着片火腿，要么鸡蛋，别的东西也好吧？就那么一口黄油面包，这趟路哪能顶事啊。”
她接过他递过来的那片火腿。他们坐着拉扯些家常琐事，什么他在哪儿可以找到柜子的钥匙啦，哪些账还清了、哪些没还啦，等等。
“我这人天生是个打光棍的命，你知道，苏。”他说，故意做得爽气，免得她不自在。“所以没有妻子，确实不会混不下去，不会像别人一阵子有过妻子那样。再说，我的爱好又广又深，一直想把‘维塞克斯郡的古罗马文物’写出来，光这个就把我的业余时间全占满啦。”
“要是照从前那样，你什么时候送点稿子给我抄，我一定乐意办！”她温顺而谦和地说。“我还——是个——朋友，很愿意给你帮忙。”
费乐生认真地想了想，然后说，“不必啦，我觉着咱们既然要分开，顶好分到底。就是这个道理，我才什么问题都不问你，尤其是不想你再告诉我你的动静，连你的住址也不必告诉我……现在，你要钱吗？你总得有点钱，你知道。”
“哦，里查，我可不想拿你的钱离开你！别的东西，我也不要。我的钱够我用一阵子，裘德会让我——”
“你要是不介意，他的事，我可是一点都不想听。你自由啦，绝对自由！你要走什么路，那是你自己的事嘤。”
“太好啦。不过我还得跟你说一下，我装了一两件自己的换洗衣服，还有一两件东西也是我自己的。我想请你查查里边的东西，再关箱子。另外有个小包，以后要放到裘德的旅行包里头。”
“我当然不会查你的行李，不会干那样的事！我希望你把四分之三的家具也拿走。我不想为这些东西操心。我父母留下来的东西，我还是有点感情，舍不得，不过剩下的东西，随便你什么时候来取都行。”
“我才不会那样呢。”
“你是六点半火车走吧，对不对？现在差一刻就六点啦。”
“你……你似乎对我走无动于衷啊，里查！”
“哦，是啊——大概是。”
“你一举一动这样，我真是非常喜欢你。我不把你当我的丈夫，而是当做从前的老师，我就喜欢你，这可真怪。我决不想装腔作势，说我爱你，因为你也明白我并不爱你，只拿你当朋友就是啦。不过我觉得你不折不扣是个朋友啊。”
她一说到这些心事，眼圈就有点湿，正好车站马车赶过来接她走。费乐生看着她的东西放到车顶上，扶她上了车，跟她说再见的时候，忍不住露出要吻她的意思。赶马车的看到他们高高兴兴分别的态度，心里一定当她不过短期外出做客哩。
费乐生一进到家里，就上楼打开了对着马车驶去方向的那扇窗子。马车轮声很快消失了。他又下了楼，脸皮皱缩，仿佛强忍着痛苦。他戴好帽子，出了家门，沿马车行驶的路线走了一英里光景，突然又掉头回家。
他刚进门就听见朋友季令安从前屋里跟他招呼的声音。
“我敲了半天门，没人理，一看你门开着，我干脆进来了，自己招待自己就是啦。我说过来看你，你想必记得。”
“记得记得，特别是你今天晚上来，我真是感激不尽哪，季令安！”
“你夫人怎么样啦——”
“她挺好，走啦——刚走的。那是她的茶杯，一个钟头之前她喝完了的。那是她用过的盘子——”费乐生喉头哽住，说不下去了，他转过身把茶具推到一边。
“你用过茶点没有？”他声音立刻恢复正常，问道。
“没用——已经用过啦——别费心好吧。”季令安赶忙说。‘促啦，你是说她走啦？”
“对，她走啦……我也许会为她送了命，可是决不会借法律之名虐害她。依我看，她是上她情人那儿。他们今后如何，我说不上来。反正她是经我完全同意才走的。”
费乐生的声音表现出果决、沉着，叫他的朋友不好再提意见。‘那我——就走好不好？”季令安问。
“别走，别走，你来了真是大恩大德啊。我还有点东西要清理清理，你就帮帮忙，行吧？”
季令安表示可以。到楼上屋子以后，小学老师拉开抽屉，动手把苏的东西，放到一个大箱子里。“叫她带东西走，她一样不肯拿。”他接下去。“不过我决定让她随自己的意思生活那会儿，的确是下定决心了。”
“有些男人顶多同意分居就是了。”
“我什么都仔细斟酌过，不想再争论啦。拿婚姻这件事说吧，我从前是顶顶老派的，现在还这样——其实我压根儿没思考过其中的道德含义，不过有些事实逼上门来了，就是想否认它们也不行啊。”
他们继续装箱子，没说话。完事以后，费乐生把箱盖关上，锁好。“这些东西，”他说，“以后让别人看她打扮好啦，我算看不到啦！”
收听单词发音 |
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antiquities
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| n.古老( antiquity的名词复数 )；古迹；古人们；古代的风俗习惯 | |
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ascended
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| v.上升，攀登( ascend的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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ascend
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| vi.渐渐上升，升高；vt.攀登，登上 | |
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tenant
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| n.承租人；房客；佃户；v.租借，租用 | |
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canopy
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| n.天篷，遮篷 | |
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horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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gravel
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| n.砂跞；砂砾层；结石 | |
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draught
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| n.拉，牵引，拖；一网（饮，吸，阵)；顿服药量，通风；v.起草，设计 | |
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averting
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| 防止，避免( avert的现在分词 )； 转移 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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incurred
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| [医]招致的，遭受的； incur的过去式 | |
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wretch
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| n.可怜的人，不幸的人；卑鄙的人 | |
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drearily
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| 沉寂地，厌倦地，可怕地 | |
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intrude
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| vi.闯入；侵入；打扰，侵扰 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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downwards
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| adj./adv.向下的（地），下行的（地） | |
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alluvial
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| adj.冲积的；淤积的 | |
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pinnacled
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| 小尖塔般耸立的，顶处的 | |
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tenacious
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| adj.顽强的，固执的，记忆力强的，粘的 | |
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hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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tributary
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| n.支流；纳贡国；adj.附庸的；辅助的；支流的 | |
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inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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proficient
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| adj.熟练的，精通的；n.能手，专家 | |
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motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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solicitude
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| n.焦虑 | |
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riddle
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| n.谜，谜语，粗筛；vt.解谜，给…出谜，筛，检查，鉴定，非难，充满于；vi.出谜 | |
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conscientiously
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| adv.凭良心地；认真地，负责尽职地；老老实实 | |
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climax
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| n.顶点；高潮；v.(使)达到顶点 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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soothe
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| v.安慰；使平静；使减轻；缓和；奉承 | |
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inhuman
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| adj.残忍的，不人道的，无人性的 | |
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concession
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| n.让步，妥协；特许(权) | |
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doctrines
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| n.教条( doctrine的名词复数 )；教义；学说；（政府政策的）正式声明 | |
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profess
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| v.声称，冒称，以...为业，正式接受入教，表明信仰 | |
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preposterous
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| adj.荒谬的，可笑的 | |
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honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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virtuously
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| 合乎道德地，善良地 | |
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essentially
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| adv.本质上，实质上，基本上 | |
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contemptibly
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| adv.卑鄙地，下贱地 | |
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quagmire
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| n.沼地 | |
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sedate
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| adj.沉着的，镇静的，安静的 | |
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plodding
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| a.proceeding in a slow or dull way | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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implored
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| 恳求或乞求（某人）( implore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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manliness
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| 刚毅 | |
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chivalry
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| n.骑士气概，侠义；（男人）对女人彬彬有礼，献殷勤 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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ignoble
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| adj.不光彩的，卑鄙的；可耻的 | |
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affinity
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| n.亲和力，密切关系 | |
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attachment
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| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
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supreme
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| adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的 | |
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platonic
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| adj.精神的；柏拉图（哲学）的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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disintegration
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| n.分散，解体 | |
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harry
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| vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼 | |
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WHIMS
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| 虚妄，禅病 | |
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consultation
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| n.咨询；商量；商议；会议 | |
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renewal
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| adj.(契约)延期，续订，更新，复活，重来 | |
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tributaries
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| n. 支流 | |
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smacked
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| 拍，打，掴( smack的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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unconditionally
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| adv.无条件地 | |
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serenity
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| n.宁静，沉着，晴朗 | |
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relinquishing
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| 交出，让给( relinquish的现在分词 )； 放弃 | |
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permanently
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| adv.永恒地，永久地，固定不变地 | |
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imprinted
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| v.盖印（imprint的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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glided
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| v.滑动( glide的过去式和过去分词 )；掠过；（鸟或飞机 ） 滑翔 | |
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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variance
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| n.矛盾，不同 | |
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morsel
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| n.一口，一点点 | |
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begotten
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| v.为…之生父( beget的过去分词 )；产生，引起 | |
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intruded
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| n.侵入的，推进的v.侵入，侵扰，打扰( intrude的过去式和过去分词 )；把…强加于 | |
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amenable
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| adj.经得起检验的；顺从的；对负有义务的 | |
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mused
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| v.沉思，冥想( muse的过去式和过去分词 )；沉思自语说（某事） | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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preoccupied
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| adj.全神贯注的，入神的；被抢先占有的；心事重重的v.占据（某人）思想，使对…全神贯注，使专心于( preoccupy的过去式) | |
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assented
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| 同意，赞成( assent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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ethics
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| n.伦理学；伦理观，道德标准 | |
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adorn
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| vt.使美化，装饰 | |
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