DESPITE himself Jude recovered somewhat, and worked at his trade for several weeks. After Christmas, however, he broke down again.
With the money he had earned he shifted his lodgings1 to a yet more central part of the town. But Arabella saw that he was not likely to do much work for a long while, and was cross enough at the turn affairs had taken since her remarriage to him. "I'm hanged if you haven't been clever in this last stroke!" she would say, "to get a nurse for nothing by marrying me!"
Jude was absolutely indifferent to what she said, and indeed, often regarded her abuse in a humorous light. Sometimes his mood was more earnest, and as he lay he often rambled2 on upon the defeat of his early aims.
"Every man has some little power in some one direction," he would say. "I was never really stout3 enough for the stone trade, particularly the fixing. Moving the blocks always used to strain me, and standing4 the trying draughts5 in buildings before the windows are in always gave me colds, and I think that began the mischief6 inside. But I felt I could do one thing if I had the opportunity. I could accumulate ideas, and impart them to others. I wonder if the founders7 had such as I in their minds--a fellow good for nothing else but that particular thing? ... I hear that soon there is going to be a better chance for such helpless students as I was. There are schemes afoot for making the university less exclusive, and extending its influence. I don't know much about it. And it is too late, too late for me! Ah--and for how many worthier8 ones before me!"
"How you keep a-mumbling!" said Arabella. "I should have thought you'd have got over all that craze about books by this time. And so you would, if you'd had any sense to begin with. You are as bad now as when we were first married."
On one occasion while soliloquizing thus he called her "Sue" unconsciously.
"I wish you'd mind who you are talking to!" said Arabella indignantly. "Calling a respectable married woman by the name of that--" She remembered herself and he did not catch the word.
But in the course of time, when she saw how things were going, and how very little she had to fear from Sue's rivalry9, she had a fit of generosity10. "I suppose you want to see your--Sue?" she said. "Well, I don't mind her coming. You can have her here if you like."
"I don't wish to see her again."
"Oh--that's a change!"
"And don't tell her anything about me--that I'm ill, or anything. She has chosen her course. Let her go!"
One day he received a surprise. Mrs. Edlin came to see him, quite on her own account. Jude's wife, whose feelings as to where his affections were centred had reached absolute indifference11 by this time, went out, leaving the old woman alone with Jude. He impulsively12 asked how Sue was, and then said bluntly, remembering what Sue had told him: "I suppose they are still only husband and wife in name?"
Mrs. Edlin hesitated. "Well, no--it's different now. She's begun it quite lately--all of her own free will."
"When did she begin?" he asked quickly.
"The night after you came. But as a punishment to her poor self. He didn't wish it, but she insisted."
"Sue, my Sue--you darling fool--this is almost more than I can endure! ... Mrs. Edlin--don't be frightened at my rambling-- I've got to talk to myself lying here so many hours alone-- she was once a woman whose intellect was to mine like a star to a benzoline lamp: who saw all MY superstitions13 as cobwebs that she could brush away with a word. Then bitter affliction came to us, and her intellect broke, and she veered14 round to darkness. Strange difference of sex, that time and circumstance, which enlarge the views of most men, narrow the views of women almost invariably. And now the ultimate horror has come--her giving herself like this to what she loathes15, in her enslavement to forms! She, so sensitive, so shrinking, that the very wind seemed to blow on her with a touch of deference16.... As for Sue and me when we were at our own best, long ago--when our minds were clear, and our love of truth fearless--the time was not ripe for us! Our ideas were fifty years too soon to be any good to us. And so the resistance they met with brought reaction in her, and recklessness and ruin on me! ... There--this, Mrs. Edlin, is how I go on to myself continually, as I lie here. I must be boring you awfully17."
"Not at all, my dear boy. I could hearken to 'ee all day."
As Jude reflected more and more on her news, and grew more restless, he began in his mental agony to use terribly profane18 language about social conventions, which started a fit of coughing. Presently there came a knock at the door downstairs. As nobody answered it Mrs. Edlin herself went down.
The visitor said blandly19: "The doctor." The lanky20 form was that of Physician Vilbert, who had been called in by Arabella.
"How is my patient at present?" asked the physician.
"Oh bad--very bad! Poor chap, he got excited, and do blaspeam terribly, since I let out some gossip by accident--the more to my blame. But there-- you must excuse a man in suffering for what he says, and I hope God will forgive him."
"Ah. I'll go up and see him. Mrs. Fawley at home?"
"She's not in at present, but she'll be here soon."
Vilbert went; but though Jude had hitherto taken the medicines of that skilful21 practitioner22 with the greatest indifference whenever poured down his throat by Arabella, he was now so brought to bay by events that he vented23 his opinion of Vilbert in the physician's face, and so forcibly, and with such striking epithets24, that Vilbert soon scurried25 downstairs again. At the door he met Arabella, Mrs. Edlin having left. Arabella inquired how he thought her husband was now, and seeing that the doctor looked ruffled26, asked him to take something. He assented27.
"I'll bring it to you here in the passage," she said. "There's nobody but me about the house to-day."
She brought him a bottle and a glass, and he drank.
Arabella began shaking with suppressed laughter. "What is this, my dear?" he asked, smacking28 his lips.
"Oh--a drop of wine--and something in it." Laughing again she said: "I poured your own love-philtre into it, that you sold me at the agricultural show, don't you re-member?"
"I do, I do! Clever woman! But you must be prepared for the consequences." Putting his arm round her shoulders he kissed her there and then.
"Don't don't," she whispered, laughing good-humouredly. "My man will hear."
She let him out of the house, and as she went back she said to herself: "Well! Weak women must provide for a rainy day. And if my poor fellow upstairs do go off--as I suppose he will soon-- it's well to keep chances open. And I can't pick and choose now as I could when I was younger. And one must take the old if one can't get the young."
尽管裘德不想活下去，但是他身体却有几分起色，还干了几个礼拜老本行的活。不想圣诞节一过，他又病情恶化，卧床不起。
他用干活赚的钱，搬到离城中心更近的地方。但是阿拉贝拉已经心中有数，他不大可能再干多少活，就算干，也长不了。她因为跟他第二次结婚之后事事不遂心，就没碴找碴，拿他出气。“你最后玩的这一手，要是不算精，那我才该死呢！”她常常说。“你凭娶了我，一个子儿不花，就弄到个护士啦！”
随她怎么说，裘德一概充耳不闻，时常拿她的诡淬开心解闷。有时他的态度郑重点，就躺在床上，絮絮叨叨谈自己如何少年立志，一事无成，话里不胜牢骚。
“不论谁，总是某个方面有点小聪明。”他常常说。“要说我干石作这行，实在压根儿没那个笨力气，特别遇到安装的时候不行。搬呀抬呀，大块石头，老是累得要命；窗子没装好，我人就站在飕飕的风口上，老是着凉，我想我这病就是那么作下的。可是，要是有机会，有件事我能干得很好。在思想方面，我能积少成多，有独到地方，还能把思想传布给别人。我不知道那些创建学院的人想没想到世上还有我这号人——这家伙别的不行，可另有专长哪！我听说，不用多久，我这样得不到帮助的学生就有好点的机会了。说是有些方案订出来了，以后大学就不那么保守封闭了，要把它的影响扩大了。究竟如何，我还不得而知。再说，就算这样，拿我说，也太晚、太晚啦！啊——在我前头还有那么多比我更有价值的人哪，对他们来说不是更晚了吗！”
“你干吗老这么碎嘴子！”阿拉贝拉说。“到了这地步，我还当你的书迷全吹了呢。你要是一上来就懂得人情世故，你早就不这样了。我看你这会儿没出息的样儿，跟咱们头回结婚那会儿没两样。”
有一回，他这样念念有辞的时候，无意中管她叫“苏”。
“你难道不明白你这是跟谁说话！”阿拉贝拉愤愤不平地说。“把明媒正娶的夫人，居然叫出来那个——”她想起来上回那一幕，没说出口，所以他也没抓住她的话把子。
但是一天天过去，她对于大势所趋，已经了然于胸，犯不上再为苏这个情敌耗费心思，于是她装出度量大的样子。“我看你还是想见你的——苏吧？”她说。“哎，我一点不在乎她来不来。你要想见她，就在家里见她好啦。”
“我不想再见她。”
“哦——这倒是人心大变喽！”
“你也用不着告诉她我怎么的——用不着说我病了什么的。她走了自己选的路。随她去吧。”
有一天，大出他的意料，艾林太太完全主动来探望他。裘德妻子既然明知他情爱所钟，对此已经装聋做哑，所以就让老太婆一个人跟裘德呆着，自己到外面去了。他感情冲动地问起苏的境况，因为还记得苏以前对他说的话，也就毫不假借地说，“我看他们俩还是挂名夫妻吧。”
艾林太太沉吟了一下。“呃——不这样啦，这会儿不一样啦。她也是新近才那么样——这全是她自个儿做主，没人逼她。”
“她打哪天才那样儿呢？”他追着问。
“就打你来的那晚上。不过她那么样，无非自个儿整自个儿这个苦命人。他并不想那么样，可她非要依着她不可。”
“苏啊，我的苏啊——我的可怜的糊涂虫啊，你这样，叫我怎么受得了！……艾林太太——我唠里唠叨，你可别怕——我在这儿就是得自言自语，一说就几个钟头 ——她先前是个有灵性的女人，跟我比，就像星星比电石灯，她看我所有迷信的东西好比蜘蛛网，她一句话就能把它们一扫而光了。后来我们经受了深重的苦难，把她的灵性给毁了，她思路一转，就掉到黑暗里头了。性别之间的差异够多怪，一样的时间和环境，叫大多数男人眼界扩大了，可叫女人的眼界几乎是毫无例外地缩小了。最后就出了现在这样骇人听闻的事情——她现在居然以甘心受奴役的形式，不惜对自己原来憎恶的东西屈膝投降。她多敏感，多爱难为情，哪怕风吹到她身上，好像也觉得唐突啊。至于苏跟我，早先我们过得顶美满的时候——我们的思想明朗清澈，我们对真理倾心，无所畏惧，可是就时代而言，临到我们身上，还没成熟呢。我们的思想跑得太快，早了五十年，这对我们只能有害无益。而这些思想遭遇的打击也就在她的内心里发生了负作用，而我呢，却是一意孤行，一毁到底！唉 ——艾林太太，我就是躺在这儿自说自话，这么没完没了的。我一定叫你听腻啦。”
“一点都不腻，我的亲爱的孩子。你就是一天说到晚，我也听不腻。”
裘德越细想她的境况，就越心烦意乱。内心的痛楚使他忍不住角恶毒的语言痛斥社会的习俗礼法，这又弄得他咳嗽好一阵。正巧楼下有人敲门。艾林太太因为没人答理，自己就下楼去招呼。
来客礼貌周全地说：“大夫到啦。”原来这个瘦高个儿是韦伯大夫，阿拉贝拉把他请来的。
“这会儿病人怎么样？”大夫问。
“哦，不好——不大好！可怜的家伙，他激动了，狠话说得不得了，因为我无意中说了点闲话——都怪我就是啦。不过——一个活受罪的人无论说什么，你总不该计较，我希望上帝宽恕他。”
“哦，我上去瞧瞧他吧。福来太太在家吗？”
“这会儿不在，快回来了啦。”
韦伯进去了。虽说不论什么时候阿拉贝拉往裘德嘴里灌那个滑头卖膏药的造的假药，他都当没事一样吞下去，可是这会儿他已经让接二连三的祸事逼到了绝境，于是他不管三七二十一，当着大夫的面，大大发泄了一通对他的看法，口气之激烈，措词之尖刻，搞得韦伯灰溜溜，赶快往楼下跑。他在门口正好碰上阿拉贝拉，艾林太太在这时也就走了。阿拉贝拉直问他，他觉着她丈夫怎么样；一看大夫满脸晦气，就说请他喝点。他表示可以。
“我把它拿到过道这儿来。”她说。“家里今儿就剩我了，没别人。”
她给他拿来一个瓶子和一个杯子，他喝下去了。阿拉贝拉忍住笑，可是身上还是直抖动。“这是什么玩意儿呀，我的亲爱的？”他问，直咂嘴。
“哦——一滴酒——里头搀了点东西。”她说，又笑起来：“酒里头放了你自个儿配的春药，你在农业展览会卖给我的，还记得吗？”
“记得，记得！鬼灵精的娘儿们！你可得提防着后劲儿哟。”他搂着她肩膀，拼命亲她。
“不行，不行。”她小声说，开心地笑着。“我男人会听见。”
她把他弄到房子外面去了，回来时候自言自语：“好哇，没个退路的女人总得有备无患才行哪。再说，我家里这个可怜家伙一撒手上了西天——我看是保不住啦，还真得留个后路呢。这会儿我可不好照年轻时候挑挑拣拣啦。要是没法弄上手年轻的，抓到个老的也行嘛。”
收听单词发音 |
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lodgings
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| n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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rambled
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| （无目的地）漫游( ramble的过去式和过去分词 )； （喻）漫谈； 扯淡； 长篇大论 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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draughts
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| n. <英>国际跳棋 | |
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mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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founders
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| n.创始人( founder的名词复数 ) | |
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worthier
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| 应得某事物( worthy的比较级 )； 值得做某事； 可尊敬的； 有（某人或事物）的典型特征 | |
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rivalry
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| n.竞争，竞赛，对抗 | |
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generosity
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| n.大度，慷慨，慷慨的行为 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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impulsively
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| adv.冲动地 | |
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superstitions
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| 迷信，迷信行为( superstition的名词复数 ) | |
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veered
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| v.（尤指交通工具）改变方向或路线( veer的过去式和过去分词 )；（指谈话内容、人的行为或观点）突然改变；（指风） （在北半球按顺时针方向、在南半球按逆时针方向）逐渐转向；风向顺时针转 | |
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loathes
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| v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的第三人称单数 )；极不喜欢 | |
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deference
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| n.尊重，顺从；敬意 | |
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awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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blandly
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| adv.温和地，殷勤地 | |
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lanky
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skilful
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| (=skillful)adj.灵巧的，熟练的 | |
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practitioner
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| n.实践者，从事者；(医生或律师等)开业者 | |
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vented
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| 表达，发泄（感情，尤指愤怒）( vent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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epithets
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| n.（表示性质、特征等的）词语( epithet的名词复数 ) | |
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scurried
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ruffled
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| adj. 有褶饰边的, 起皱的 动词ruffle的过去式和过去分词 | |
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assented
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| 同意，赞成( assent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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smacking
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| 活泼的，发出响声的，精力充沛的 | |
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